Chapter 91 Chapter Notes

Seems like just about everybody has a revelation in this chapter. Except Carlisle, and he had all his revelations centuries ago…

The chapter title belongs to Maureen McGovern

Chapter 91 The Morning After Edward POV

Bella shrieks and jumps off the couch. I try to calm her but she's hysterical. And that weeping thing that we do without tears is just awful to watch. I hold her in my arms and we rock for a minute. "You have some of those contacts, right?" she asks.

She follows me upstairs and fidgets beside me at the bathroom mirror, cussing softly, as I place the special contacts that mask eye color. She wrings her hands and bites her lip. And those human behaviors are still a part of her, and that cheers me.

"Look, I know I can't come with you. That would just be crazy, but promise me you'll leave your phone on so I can hear what's going on."

"I promise," I say. I give her a swift kiss and head out into the rain, toward an uncertain future. Once I'm in the hospital, I call her. "I hear Charlie's heartbeat, Bella. He's alive."

She sighs dramatically. "Oh, thank god. Now, leave your phone on, like you promised. And if he's conscious, let me talk to him."

"Um, I will. You'll be able to hear every word." I put the phone into my front jacket pocket and walk down the corridor. The intake nurse buzzes me into the ER treatment areas and I find Charlie at the end of the hall.

I imagine Bella, sprinting down the hall, dodging doctors, visitors, and carts of medical supplies, until she comes to Charlie's cubicle. When I peek inside the treatment area, Maya stands up and embraces me. "Thanks for coming so quickly." She looks beat, with uncombed hair and circles under her eyes. It reminds me of how she looked right after her transformation.

"How is he doing?" I ask, eyeing Charlie's pale, still form.

"They pumped his stomach and gave him some Naloxone. They think he'll be okay. I'm just more worried about why he did it at all." She glances at me. "I mean, it's not like the situation can be changed. He will have to come to terms with it." She gives a little gasp, as if she's going to start crying.

Maya is a wreck. She sports the staring eye-open mouth expression of the recently terrorized.

"Where's my father?" I ask, just as Carlisle makes an appearance at Charlie's bedside. He squeezes my shoulder and gives Maya a brief hug.

"I've been going over his bloodwork, and other than the overdose, he's fine. I think, though, that it's time we pushed for some counseling. According to the folks in the lab, he swallowed over forty pain pills. More than enough to kill him."

Maya slumps back into her chair and holds her head between two shaking hands. "Can I get you something?" I ask.

She shakes her head and Carlisle looks at me. Tell her we'll stay with Charlie if she wants to go to the canteen for a cup of coffee.

Maya doesn't want to go, but I insist. "Listen, go home for a while," I encourage. "Carlisle and I will be here."

"I'm going for a Coke. Then I'll be back," she says fiercely. I hold my hands up and she stalks out. Okay. I see that the Wolf will not leave the one she's imprinted on. Far be it from me to suggest such a thing. I try to imagine Charlie going through this alone. Not a pretty picture.

Once she's out, Carlisle thinks, Charlie was minutes from death, Edward. I think it's time we consider hospitalization, in the short term. He could get full-time counseling to help him work through losing Bella."

I hold up a finger to protest and he waves it away. You and I both know that he feels he's lost her. And it's true in a very real sense of the word. She is no longer human, and he knows this. You and I can't begin to comprehend how that makes him feel.

"Are you going to approach him?" I ask. Maybe Maya?" I worry briefly about Charlie, in his altered state, spilling our secret. I guess they would really think him mad then. Not just a little maladjusted, but certifiable. But he needs help, and anything for Bella.

I think back to what Jasper said when I'd asked him if he abstained from drinking human blood because he felt it was wrong, or just for Alice.

For Alice, he'd said. Anything for Alice.

This is how I feel about Bella. Whatever her father needs, whatever she needs, is what I will make happen.

Charlie wakes up, but keeps his eyes closed. Maya returns and Carlisle meets her outside of the curtained cubicle. "He's awake, but clearly doesn't want to talk to a lot of people right now. Call me when he opens his eyes." When Carlisle tells her that he thinks Charlie should be hospitalized briefly, she nods agreement.

"I'll suggest it," she says, as she goes back to sit beside her man.

Carlisle and I walk back to his office. Once inside, I sit heavily in one of the comfortable chairs. He sits behind his desk and steeples his fingers together. "How is Bella?" he asks. "I haven't had a chance to ask."

"She seems disappointed in her new life," I say sadly, knowing she can hear. Maybe this will segue into a conversation about how she really feels. If she has any regrets. Not that we can do anything about them, but talking about it can help her work through any misgivings.

He just listens.

"I tried to tell her, Carlisle. I tried to tell her it was a mistake, that she was too young, that there wasn't any way that she could see this reality just by observing me, or the family."

Carlisle smiles. "Let's put this in perspective, Edward. Bella just woke up. The incident with her neighbor was unfortunate, but—"

"But these things happen, right?" I get up and pace around the office. And they do. How often had we moved on because of a lapse?

"She will adjust, Edward. And you will adjust." He frowns at me but with a smile lurking on his lips. "Can I say something?" When I nod, he says, "Get your head out of your ass, son. Put the introspection away and help Bella move past the incidents with Charlie with Tim. And then continue your plans to go into the wild."

I leave Carlisle's office half an hour later, armed with some information for Bella about possible placements for Charlie, if he'll agree. He also gave me some much-needed patting on the back and some hope for the future. And he's right. Bella and I will come to terms with her choice as soon as we can finally put all this angst behind us.

I run to the Volvo, through a deluge of heavy rain. Once I'm seated, I take my phone out of my pocket and see that Bella and I are still connected. "So you heard all of that conversation," I say.

"How close was it?" she asks frantically. "It's weird hearing that one-sided thing that you do with your family."

I take a deep breath. "Um, Carlisle said that Charlie had swallowed more than forty pain pills. Enough to kill him. He wants Maya to get him to agree to an in-patient placement for a week or two. And he was either asleep or had his eyes closed the entire time I was there, but you can call later."

"I wish I could have seen him. Was he pale? Was he unconscious? Or just asleep?"

"He was okay, Bella. Just asleep, I think."

There's a pause and she says, "So have you taken your head out of your ass? Because I think that's good advice, for both of us."

"I'm trying," I say seriously.

"I'm not disappointed in this life, Edward. It's just a bit of a learning curve, you know? I would never go back to human. I have you, and you're the only thing I ever really wanted in my whole life. I wanted you more than life, because I was willing to stay with you, even though I knew you were dangerous. I'll be okay."

I breathe a sigh of relief. Bella sounds calmer, more centered. "Good deal. I'm coming home. Be there in a few minutes."

"And Edward? What I did wasn't a mistake. And I'm not too young to make a decision like this for myself. Okay?"

Once at home, Bella and I discuss the different facilities that could help Charlie. They're all in Seattle. "Carlisle says that a ten-day stay is about normal for this type of thing," I say. Normal. Like anything about this situation is normal.

The rain continues and we briefly lose power. I chase Bella around the dark house for a few minutes, and then we get into the hot shower. Contrary to what I'd anticipated, which was that Bella wouldn't be thinking about sex at this difficult time, she seems to need it even more. When she stands up against the shower wall, I know what she wants. I lift her easily and she wraps her legs around my waist as I thrust my cock up inside her, pinning her to the wall.

The hot water runs out while I fuck her. She winds her hands up through my hair and traces my lips with her cool tongue and I pretend that the last few days turned out like I'd planned. The fairy tale version. That Bella would wake, happy and content. That her neighbor would have been at work, and not ambling down his sidewalk with a bleeding cut on his face from shaving.

That Charlie accepted Bella's choice with understanding. That he hadn't tried to kill himself.

We both come, but neither of us seem relieved. What Bella really needs is a nap, but since that's not going to happen, I lead her to bed and we just cuddle while the rain pours down outside.

A few hours later, Bella calls Charlie to discuss an in-patient, short-term placement, and I'm relieved to hear his voice, a little stronger and steadier. He says that he'd already spoken to Carlisle and Maya about it, and it sounded like a good idea. An ambulance had been offered, but Maya said she would drive him up to the facility in the morning.

So there's nothing to do but wait.

In the morning, I pay another visit to the hospital. Charlie was given a room for the night, and I find Maya asleep in the chair by his bed. She's still holding his hand. When I see the bond between them, I feel hopeful that Charlie is on the road to recovery. With that woman by his side, I don't think he has any choice.

They both wake up and see me standing there, in front of his hospital bed. Charlie sits up and rubs his head. "Hey there, Edward," he says. He looks better. That wild, darting look in his eyes has dissipated. His thoughts, always difficult to access when he's feeling normal, are predictably diffuse.

I take this as a good sign.

He shakes my hand and his grip is firm, as is his lip, but he is still desperately sad. He swallows and says, "I want you to give Bella a message for me." I nod but don't tell him that my phone is on in my pocket, just as it had been the night before. He purses his lips tight and then shakes his head. "Tell her that I've been a fool."

I don't say anything. "I've been talking with Maya and Carlisle, and I've come to the realization that this is a done deal, what's happened here." He waves his hand around vaguely. "And, and it's okay."

He swallows again and takes a deep, shaky breath. "I lived alone for seventeen years." He looks at Maya, who has been gazing at him the whole time with such a feeling of love and compassion that it almost feels intimate. "Against all odds, I found someone who I know will stand beside me for the rest of our lives, and it would have hurt my heart if Bella had tried to stand in our way. Or if, despite my feelings for Maya, she objected because it just didn't suit her. And that's what I feel like I've done with you and Bella, Edward."

"I appreciate that, Chief."

He shakes his head and begins to bite the side of his finger. "When I first started seeing Maya, I didn't even tell Bella, because I was afraid that she would disapprove. If she had, I would have been devastated. But I did that with you two kids, and I feel ashamed of myself."

You two kids. It's true. Humans see what they want to see. I pretend I'm a normal teen; that is what he sees.

"So, you accept it, then? Bella's choice to join my family? Just like that?"

Charlie gives a short huff of laughter. "It isn't my thing to accept, is it." Not a question. I wait and then see his eyes fill with tears. "I love my daughter, Edward. Always wanted the best for her. But I know I have to let this thing go, this thing that's happened. I'm trying real hard to do that."

"I understand, Chief. Bella wanted me to tell you that she loves you, and that she never meant for her choices to affect you." As a human, and a young one, Bella hadn't realized that childrens' and parents' choices always affect the other. Just look at Renee. Her behavior had catapulted Bella into leaving Phoenix and coming here.

And that choice had led to all of these situations. I silently thank Renee for her empty-headed lifestyle. Without it, I would have never met Bella.

Charlie takes a deep breath. "I let it all gang up on me, Edward. The attack and the pain from my shoulder injury, learning about Maya, Bella joining your family, retiring from the force. Then taking the reaction to the pain meds. I don't think it would have been so difficult under normal circumstances. But the shoulder is healing, I'm off the meds, and I'm finally seeing through the fog that I've been living in for weeks."

Maya's love for her man is so expansive, so total and complete, that I take a moment to see if I can visualize it. Perhaps a cloud, or a vibration, but no luck. Love is invisible, even to Immortals.

She grips his hand and stands beside him, gazing at him with compassion and love.

"Anyway, I'm going to this place in Seattle that Carlisle set up. I guess for about a week or two. He told me that I should have been taking some kind of antidepressant meds. I'm sure we'll discuss this once I'm admitted. I think the counseling will help more than anything, though. And don't worry. I worked out a story with Maya and your father about what my problem is."

"Bella and I are only worried about you, Charlie. We just want you to get back on your feet, healthy and happy again."

"I appreciate that there, Edward. Tell Bella for me that I don't want to die, and I'm never resorting to a suicide attempt again. I'm sure Bella can't understand what could prompt a person to, to take such drastic action. Please ask her to forgive me." The tears brim over his eyes, and although he doesn't sob, they fall down his cheeks.

I shake his hand. "Bella says she'll call later," I say. As soon as I'm in the parking lot, I take my phone out of its pocket and say, "You heard all that?"

Bella sighs. "Would it help him if I told him about the water?"

"I don't know. Maybe? We'll ask Carlisle."

"He still sounds really sad," Bella says. "I'm glad he's listening to Maya and Carlisle, though. I think that'll help him cope. Especially if they give him some meds for his depression."

The next week is taken up with preparations to go into the wild interspersed with hunting trips for Bella. She speaks to Charlie every day on the phone, and each time, his voice sounds stronger, and the old Chief seems to slowly emerge.

Ten days later, I drive up to Seattle with Maya to bring him home. I'm shocked when we arrive and he walks into the lobby. Pressed shirt and khakis, boots, hair combed back, big smile on his face, but I'm still getting vague thoughts of helplessness. I'm not sure if I should relay these to Bella or not.

After a heartfelt embrace with Maya and a hearty shake of my hand, he gets his paperwork and we pile into Carlisle's Mercedes. I borrowed it because it was so much roomier than either of the Volvos. On the way home, Charlie chats about his therapy and the other patients with a little too much enthusiasm. It feels put-on, somehow. Like he's trying too hard.

When we stop in Port Angeles for lunch, he finds one of Bella's human favorites on the menu and orders it with relish, but doesn't eat much when it arrives. I hold my breath and pray for a breeze.

I drop him and Maya at her house, wondering about Charlie's true emotional state. Carlisle is at the hospital, as it's his day to work in Forks, and I drop the car in the lot and walk in to see if he's free. I find him in his office, and he welcomes me in.

Once I'm seated, he sits on the edge of his desk. "Spoke with the treatment coordinator at the facility," he says. "Charlie was an ideal patient. Told them the story we'd concocted, participated in group therapy and had a positive outlook toward his recovery."

"Excellent. Bella will be relieved to hear that."

"They put him on a new antidepressant drug that has had favorable results in trials. It'll take a few weeks to really get in his system, so tell Bella that any progress she sees right away is either due to his improved mental state from the counseling, the placebo effect, or both."

I nod. "Sometimes patients show a marked improvement after a brief hospitalization simply because they've taken that first difficult step toward recovery," Carlisle says. "It can be very powerful."

"Do you think that he's really turned the corner? I worry about taking Bella away from civilization while he's still on the ragged edge."

Carlisle purses his lips. "Give it a week. And I know that Bella speaks to Charlie, but you need to be in touch with Maya to get the real scoop."

I jog home. When I walk in the door, Bella smiles and rushes to hug me, then stops dead in her tracks. She holds her hands up in a stop! gesture and I come to a screeching halt.

Her mouth is open in revulsion. What is that stink?" she asks. "It's the worst thing I've ever smelled. EVER. Good god, what is it?

I laugh out loud. Out loud. "I stopped in Port Angeles and took Charlie and Maya out to lunch. He ordered something you used to enjoy. Eggplant parmigiana." I can feel my tongue playing in my cheek.

"That is the single most vile thing that exists on this planet, Edward," she says seriously. I put my head down and look up at her and she says, "Oh god, I ate that all the time. Tell me that you just about bolted every time I ordered it."

I chuckle some more. "I did always hope that you would choose any type of food other than Italian. It's the burnt cheese and cooked tomatoes. Just the worst." I take her in my arms. "But anything for you, Bella."

I kiss her and just the feeling of her body, sturdy and durable, molding itself to mine, makes my frozen heart soar.

For Bella, anything.

There's got to be a morning after
If we can hold on through the night
We have a chance to find the sunshine
Let's keep on looking for the light

Oh, can't you see the morning after?
It's waiting right outside the storm
Why don't we cross the bridge together
And find a place that's safe and warm?

There's got to be a morning after
We're moving closer to the shore
I know we'll be there by tomorrow
And we'll escape the darkness

We won't be searching anymore.