Hello to those of you who are still with me. I am SO terribly sorry for the long gap in updates. For what it is worth, this story is almost complete. I have to admit, the delay had everything to do with their on-screen reunion which in my opinion WAS EVERYTHING. I still can't get over it. I wanted to see how things panned out on screen and while there was some explanation, I still feel like there is still A LOT that we don't know. I was hoping this story was a little accurate but now we know it is NOT. So, with that being said, this won't follow the show at all like I'd hoped. So, bear with me as I try to finish this out while staying somewhat true to character. I still can't believe we got them back together on screen! EO forever.

Their knees touch on more than one occasion. Nerves. Anxiety. Both are prevalent. Yet, it is all good. The atmosphere is so, so good.

Her son sits in front of the screen with his head in his palms as he watches in wonderment each time Elliot speaks.

"You have a son too?"

"Yeah, I have two. The oldest is Dickie. The youngest is Eli, he's thirteen."

Olivia catches Elliot's smile from the corner of her eye every time Noah says something childishly amusing and she realizes there's a piece of him that revels in being able to see the innocence in Noah that he'd missed with Eli.

Elliot, though below the frame of observation, touches her thigh when Noah comes running from behind Lucy's couch with one of his school projects he'd made earlier in the year.

"See? I made a diorama of Mom's work. This is her office. Her desk, her chair and these… are windows," he says enthusiastically pointing to small squares he cut out of the cardboard box that she's sure used to belong to a new pair of heels she bought ages ago.

There's an ease that she had hoped for. An insurmountable weight seems to evaporate from her chest as Noah instinctively feels comforted by Elliot's presence even through a small screen on her laptop.

"Elliot? Are you gonna come by a lot? Not just by camera?" the young boy asks.

Elliot clears his throat and glances at Olivia who feels the brunt of the question and flips the script for Elliot's sake.

"You know what, Noah? Elliot is very busy, like me. But I'm sure he'll try and stop by whenever he can."

"I just want you to not be alone. I have Lucy. You should have a buddy too."

Olivia sighs, and scratches her eyebrow briefly before she feels Elliot's leg bump into hers again.

"I do have someone," she whispers. "He's right here and you have nothing to worry about."

"Elliot? Will you watch out for my mom? Until I can come home?"

Nodding, Elliot licks his bottom lip before he looks into the screen with sincerity. "You bet, buddy. I did it for thirteen years. I'd do it again in a heartbeat."

She notices the twitch in her son's eye through the small monitor and takes it as an opportunity to fully disclose to the most important person in her life the situation.

Placing her hands on the bed beside her, her fingertips brush against the fabric of Elliot's pants and she takes a little bit of contact and holds onto it metaphorically.

This is the first time she's ever explained her history with Elliot to her son. She used to have pictures around her old apartment, but since the move, they've been kept safe in the confines of drawers and boxes throughout their apartment.

"Elliot and I…. we used to be partners. At work."

"Did you share your office?"

"No," she whispers with amusement. "We had desks in the squad room, right across from each other. So, every time we'd look up…. We saw each other."

"Partners?" Noah asks softly, his small voice becoming drowsier as the night wains on. "Like you were married?"

Elliot laughs softly and glances at her from the corner of his eyes as she meets his just in time to snort amusedly. "No, not married. Though…." she trails off… It felt like it.

Her mind drifts off to the what ifs and to what could have beens and almost was.

Her mind detours briefly and it's Elliot's voice that brings her back to the present.

"We used to keep each other safe. We kept the bad guys off the street. She had my back and I had hers," he says enthusiastically with a grin, and the most daddish smile.

"Mom used to be a cop! Now she's a captain! I want to be like her."

"Oh yeah? You do?" Elliot inquires with a perk of an eyebrow. "If you follow in her footsteps... you can be anything you want."

"Really?"

Olivia feels her skin prickle against the air as she listens to the conversation between Elliot and her son. For some reason, hearing the one man she'd wholeheartedly trusted speak so sincerely to her son feels…. Effortless. Right.

"Really. There were captains before her in that office but she's the one who's made it an empire and you'll always have the best guardian in the universe."

Eoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeo

The rooftop of her new building is a lot more spacious.

A subtle breeze skims across the taught skin at his neck every few minutes and he's never been more gracious for the opportunity to just breathe in the air around him. He uses it as a lifeline.

He's been grinding his teeth all night, just waiting for the moment to release the tension and anxiety brought on by his current predicament.

Moments later, he instinctively feels her approach from behind and he immediately turns around to her embrace. She doesn't say anything, and he takes the instant contact as a win as he holds her tightly to his chest.

She lays her cheek against his shoulder and he can't help but let his nose bury into her wavy hair that dangles loosely just a top her breasts these days. It's longer. She's older. Wiser. He's older. Wearier.

She smells so inherently like the Olivia of the past. While he'd been undercover, he'd sometimes experience phantom smells. Her smell. He'd lay in his room in that old dusty warehouse and he'd take a deep breath and be convinced she was standing outside the door.

He's sure it's what kept him from losing it entirely. He wraps himself in her, breathes in her smell and her breath, shielding himself against the wind. He wants to remember it for it'll be the roughest eight months to come.

He'd barely survived without her and his kids for nearly ten years. Savoring what he can now is all he holds closely to his heart.

"How are you feeling about all of this?" he finds himself inquiring through the haze of nighttime all around them.

She lifts her cheek and glances up at him before pulling back slightly.

Shaking her head, she curves her lips, "I'm fine."

"That line never bode well," he says with an impish smile.

"Really. I'm not sure how else to be."

"I expected a little more anger. I don't mean to tread all over your life and then leave."

"I think the anger is more at the situation than you. I get that you have other obligations. El, I'd never ask you to … "

"I wanna …" he gently interrupts her. "I want to see you when I come back. Is that a possibility?" he asks as bravely as he can. "I know I don't have a right to ask you to wait. Again. It's not my right. But I'm going to be honest, upfront for once...," he admits, his chest pounding harder than moments before. "I can't watch you move on. I tried to make up for my wrongs and I just want the chance to fulfill them… in all ways, Liv."

Olivia swallows, and looks out over the concrete ledge that hovers above the city below. The cacophony of sounds trickle about and it appears that she hones in on the honking horns and low mumbling voices of the pedestrians below as he watches her face for any expression.

"I don't wanna make promises, Elliot. But something deep… something deep inside of me wants to hold on to what we have now. I wanna remember this week. I want it to be fleshed out just like you do. I want to be able to think about it and not feel guilty because it was never meant to be more than it was. But I also want you to do right by your kids. If that means you have to stay longer, or move, or whatever, Elliot… I'm okay with that. I've had my chances too. I've had chances to move on. I ended up where I am because … that was when the universe got it right. I'm where I'm supposed to be. You just make sure that you are too when you come back."

Elliot swallows thickly and pulls her close again, resting his head on the top of hers as she curls against him once more.

The early May breeze slides across his skin and he feels the vibrations of her heartbeat against his chest. He tries to memorize the way she breathes against him, the way she glides the side of her face against the fabric of his shirt in small lazy patterns, he tries to count the minutes that he gets to hold her so he can carry that with him to D.C. and use it to fall asleep at night like a tape recording that plays on a loop.

"I hurt all of you," he whispers into her scalp in self admonishment. "I wanted to make up for it so badly all those days and nights. I think going to D.C. is the final step."

She doesn't confirm nor deny his thoughts until a few beats later, "Final step or first step?"

It makes him wonder, truly, and he finds himself nodding because of course she is right.

"Both," he whispers as he leans down and kisses her cheek, grazing the side of her mouth with his lips before pulling back. "I want this to be both. As a man and as a cop. I want to change the cycle. I want this, you and me, to be familiar. I don't want to be that balled up, ready to explode, on edge detective again. I just… want to be enough."

Olivia raises her hand to his cheek and cups his face gingerly, "Like you said, you've done your absolution. You've sunk all the way to the bottom, now you're slowly floating back to the top. I think you can make it," she finishes softly, glancing up at with a small, lazy smile. "I have no doubt you'll wind up where you're supposed to be."

Eoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeo

Sometime in 2013

"Agent Stabler, we're happy to have you on board. Your last contact while doing that undercover prison stint gave us the heads up you were heading overseas."

Elliot squints into the sunlight as he peers outside of the helicopter that's about to land at the end of a long tarmac by the ocean. "Thank you, for reaching out. My contact said there was a hit on international sex trafficking here? And organized crime?"

"Correct," the other agent responds as they both speak into the headsets in order to hear over the loud noises coming from the helicopter. "Your job is to go under as the head international liaison who used to work for us here in Monaco. Lance Sorrato. If things go as planned, we'll see it through back in the states. This could be a large bust. Biggest I've ever seen and I've been doing this for twenty-five years. Operation Border Point welcomes you."

Elliot nods as the blades of the chopper send gusts of wind all around them causing a curtain of dust and sand.

As the rails hit the concrete below them, Elliot is moving. "Monaco is beautiful," he finds himself expelling as he moves to exit the helicopter. The beautiful skyline clashes mesmerizingly against the ocean that seems to have an infinite tide.

"It is. It's very beautiful. But it's also a beautiful distraction from what is happening. You'll be here for hopefully no more than four months. Then we'll be sending you to Puglia, Italy. Hope you've brushed up on your French and Italian."

As he lays next to Olivia in her bed, in her bedroom, the conversation he'd had with an agent he'd long ago lost contact with, from seven years ago, breezes through his memory like a slideshow.

He and Olivia have talked a little about what he'd missed. He knows something happened to her; she's told him that much. However, he feels the need to tell her where he'd been during what was supposed to be only four months. After one year and three months, he'd been completely cut off from what was going on in the states, let alone in New York. He thinks his handler wanted it that way.

As a matter of fact, he doesn't recall ever seeing anything on television other than soccer on a continuous loop any time he'd dare turn on the television in his hotel room.

He was never there long enough to snoop through the channels anyways. It never occurred to him he'd be in the dark about something so devastating to him now.

Rolling over, he watches as her stomach rises and falls with each of her breaths. It's almost 4 a.m. and he is being picked up at 6. He falls onto his back again with a soft exhale.

The mild disturbance stirs her anyways. She silently turns onto her side facing him, one hand under her head.

He doesn't wake her, and if she's already awake, she doesn't let him know so he just watches.

Memorizing her face as it is, is what he'll do to make sure he has company in whatever hotel bed he ends up staying in - in D.C.

As he lies on his back, his head turned toward her, he almost falls back asleep in what is sure to be a restless two-hour slumber when her deep, groggy voice catches his attention.

"Is it bad?"

He furrows his brow and swallows, opening one eye to look at her but she keeps her eyes closed.

"Is what bad?"

"Nightmares," she offers tiredly.

He turns his head toward the ceiling.

"No," he offers quietly.

"Lindstrom helped me come up with some ideas to deal with it. I sometimes have to close my windows and make them completely black so no light filters through. Or… exercise," she offers sheepishly, opening one eye to look at him as he turns his head to look at her.

He feels his own lip tug upward. "Both sound like good ideas. I'll definitely keep those in mind. I'll need it."

"Don't be afraid to call. Or ask for help."

He nods quietly, returning his gaze to the ceiling.

"It's funny you should mention that. I was just thinking… where I'd been when you… when I didn't show up."

A lingering silence overlaps their breathing and then he realizes that she's registering what he's telling her.

"Elliot."

"No… I mean, I didn't know. I had just landed in Europe. Monaco," he breathes out. I had so many opportunities to ask or see for myself. I was just… blinded. By the job. I should have known."

"Elliot," Olivia says a little more clearly, "You were in Monaco. You were doing a job. I get it."

"I should have been there."

"You were where you were supposed to b-"

"No," he argues, agitation briefly jumping out of him. He sits up and rests his elbows on his thighs. "It's hard to accept the time I spent there when I … when I should have been around. I should have kept in touch with someone in New York. Someone should have sent me a letter, gave me a call. Something. I was never going to find out otherwise. How come no one reached out to me?" He begs suddenly overtaken by grief.

Olivia suddenly sits up and throws the blankets down to her feet, scooting closer to him as he hunches over himself.

"El… please. I've asked myself that question so many times. It doesn't matter to me anymore. Knowing what I know now, it makes it easier. You weren't there. That's true. But I wasn't alone. There were people there for me. It just wasn't the same. But they were there. You can't beat yourself up for something you had no control over."

"It's easy to say. Hard to do."

"Don't I know that?" Olivia asks solemnly. "You're going through all the stages that I have. That's what makes us so … tangled," she whispers. "I've been there, Elliot. Just believe me."

"I'm trying. I am," he breathes. "I just feel like…"

"Like you're on uneven ground?"

"Yeah," he nods. "You're the stability and I'm leaving that again. I'm scared."

"You went through the last ten years and you made it. You can make it through this."

"I just don't want any more secrets. I don't think I can take it."

Olivia quiets for a second, and he notices how she swallows and looks down at the sheet below them.

Understanding her is nothing more than a gift, but the way she can move him in her silence is startling because he knows she's going to hit him with a truth he knows he has coming.

"Why didn't you tell me you were in Europe? Before you were in Texas?"

He was right, the way the question rolls off her tongue shakes him.

The way her hands fiddle with the loose threads make her seem anxious and he hates that he's the reason.

Why hadn't he divulged that bit when he'd finally had the opportunity? He'd been exhausted for one. He'd been mentally preparing for her to reject any part of him in her life.

It must have simply skipped his conscience.

"I uh, I didn't think it'd matter at the time. You'd just told me… those four days… you were gone, I just… I didn't want you to think about where I was when you were in hell."

"But you were doing the right thing."

"But you needed me…" he whispers sadly and he knows how that sounds, and they've talked about her forgiveness multiple times but he can't shake it and thinks that perhaps, he never will as long as he'll live.

She sighs, letting her left-hand hover above his knee before she lets it fall heavily to the bed next to him.

"Elliot, I had you. In all the ways that mattered. You helped me survive just by existing… somewhere."

With those words, he stills for a moment, and falls back onto his pillow. He waits a few minutes before she slowly lays back against hers as well, looking at him sideways.

It's the silent moments that shake him but they are also the moments that make him realize that she was right. He's no longer sinking. No matter how many times he tells himself the worst is over, he sinks back down only to be brought back to the surface by her oxygen.

He was gone for ten years. He lost ten years of his life trying to right the wrongs. He lost ten years of her life.

Somehow, some way, it all balances out to keep them afloat.

Like a piece of driftwood in the ocean, he floats just above the surface. He closes his eyes and he feels her fingers intertwine with his as he pulls her closer, her head resting on his chest, her warm breath seeping into his skin like the blazing sun above them.

But with her, against him, they float along effortlessly. Their combined weight overpowering the weight of his guilt that now sits at the bottom of the Pacific.

He hasn't even left yet, but he misses her. He hasn't had the chance to make up for all the time they lost, although they've gotten a good head start. It's coming and he can't wait.

Tbc.

Final Chapter to come which also might serve as some sort of epilogue. I'm not sure yet.

Thank you for reading and keeping up with this. It's been a pleasure. Xo