AN: I'm sorry for what you're about to read. Heartbreak SUCKS and Ron feels his feelings SO HARD! If you "enjoy" this chapter, please let me know. And as always, my betas are the best - Adenei, be11atrixthestrange and Cheesyficwriter. Please go and check out their stories, because they're brilliant and deserve all the love. Have a lush week xxx

Ron gets home from his date to a surprise

Girl, it's only you
Have it your way
And if you want you can decide
And if you'll have me
I can provide everything that you desire

(Untitled) How Does It Feel?, D'Angelo (2000)

Ron

I am an idiot.

There was no other explanation for what just happened or for the disastrous end to my date with Hermione. I am the fucking imbecile that thought he might be able to win her around and make her fall in love with me. I'm the dickhead who hoped that eventually, we could become more than just fuck buddies. I'm the twat who wanted to get married and ultimately have children with her. Who else gets into a perfect arrangement where they can have sex with the world's most brilliant woman only to fall in love with her?

Not only that, but I was stupid enough to tell her that I loved her, even though we agreed right at the start when we made up our stupid rules that neither of us was to fall in love. I knew this was coming, yet I continued to barrel headfirst into it with the hope that it would become something better.

"I can't keep doing this… I'm not going to see you again… This is over, Hermione."

The words kept playing over and over in my brain, stabbing me a hundred times in the heart. I wanted to keep on seeing her, I wasn't ready for all of this to end, but I couldn't keep on tormenting myself with the thought that eventually, she might love me back. My soul felt bleak. Everything was black and dark and gloomy. I know I was the one who said it, but I needed to break things off with her before she pulled the rug from under my feet. Hearing her tell me that I ruined the night by talking about my feelings hurt me deeply. It was worse than anything else I've ever felt in my whole life.

And for once, I'm not being overly dramatic about things.

I meant every word I said to her. I really was in love with that ridiculous witch. I'd known it for a while, but the words still surprised me when they fell out of my mouth. I thought things were going in the right direction and that our date would be the first step toward something fucking brilliant. I'd hoped she was beginning to warm up to me and that I could gently coax her into a relationship.

What kind of an egotistical fucktard of a man thinks like that? If a girl wants to be with you, and I mean whole-heartedly-commit-100-percent be with you, then she will. I just let Hermione Granger take advantage of me because she was wonderful with gorgeous messy hair and a perfect brain that drove me mental.

And even still, despite the whole fuck-up of a date, I was still concerned for her. I let her walk away by herself in the middle of fucking London, and I was worried that she might come to harm (even though she's about a million times better than me with her wand). I could send her a text to get her to tell me when she was home safe, but that felt highly inappropriate. I'd just have to check in with my sister as soon as I got back. But what was troubling me the most was why Hermione acted this way. What happened to her to make her dislike the mere thought of someone being in love with her? Why was she so closed off.

Maybe my sister would be able to enlighten me there, too.

Forcing myself to walk away from her without looking back, I took my time getting back to the house. Trafalgar Square to Clapham Common takes over an hour on a good day, so there was plenty of time for me to torment myself by replaying the date. I usually loved walking through the city, especially at night time when the old buildings and bridges lit up. There was a breathtaking kind of magic, how a place that is always so bustling becomes so quiet and still. Muggles have beautiful ways of making the ordinary special.

But I couldn't allow myself to enjoy it or let the cool evening air help me calm down. I spent the entire walk wondering what I could have done to make things work out. How could I have convinced Hermione that she loved me too? What could I have said to her to make her realise she was worth loving, that Hermione wasn't as toxic as she thought she was. Because I genuinely thought she was the most important person in the world, and deep down, she did have some strong feelings for me. We were having such a brilliant time as well.

I'm a fucking idiot.

The heavens opened just as I crossed over Vauxhall Bridge and made my way down the Thames. The downpour matched my mood, making me feel even worse than before. I couldn't even summon the energy to perform an Impervius to protect me, so by the time I got back to the house; I was soaked through and pretty sure I was beginning to turn blue.

I let myself in the Muggle way, dropping my keys onto the side table by the front door before toeing off my wet shoes on the doormat. My socks squelched and slipped on the tiles as I padded towards the kitchen, leaving a trail of water droplets as I moved. The only way I knew to get over my heartbreak was to plough myself with cheap beer and burrow deep under my duvet. I couldn't even face showing up at The Greenhouse, even though I was desperate for a Goblet of Fire.

I neared the room, and my stomach lurched. Soft music was playing, and now I was paying more attention, I noticed that the entire downstairs was covered in candles. Turning into the kitchen, I was greeted by Harry and Ginny sharing a romantic meal at the kitchen table.

"Oh, shit."

That's all I bloody needed—reminding that my love life sucked, but every other person in the world was having a fucking excellent time. Especially my best friend, who was successful in pursuing a girl for years and had eventually landed the love of his life. If it worked for him, why couldn't it happen to me, too?

"Hey, Ron." Harry set his fork down next to his plate, his eyes travelling over me and taking in my soggy appearance. His forehead creased as he frowned, and I closed my eyes, blocking out his pitying stare. I didn't want anyone feeling sorry for me; I was doing a good enough job of that by myself.

Ginny must have turned in my direction too. "Lavender is here, Ron."

When I opened my eyes again, I studied Ginny's confused look before following her nod to the old sofa next to the table where Lavender was sitting, a plate of food perched on her lap.

What the fuck was going on?

"Ron, hi!" The curly-haired blonde grinned up at me.

I tried to hide the surprise on my face, but the tone of my voice ultimately gave me away. "Lavender? What are you doing here?"

"Yeah. Ginny and I were just having a romantic meal when Lavender popped by to talk to you. I did text you, but you must have been busy." Harry talked through gritted teeth, and the look he gave me was scathing. It was clear he wasn't all that thrilled at having an extra body invade their dinner.

Lavender got to her feet and vanished her half-eaten dinner with a flick of her wand. "I was working late, and I found your proposals under a mountain of paperwork and I—"

"How was your night?" Ginny interrupted with an unapologetic look on her face. She'd never had time for Lav while we were in school, and it seemed that hadn't changed much in the twelve years since we'd left school. Ginny hated all that pink, girly, fussy nonsense, and Lavender was the queen of being a proper girly girl.

My sister continued to stare up at me. I probably looked preposterous, dripping wet and fucking miserable. She'd probably expected that I'd go back to the flat with Hermione, which is why she and Harry were making the most of what was supposed to be an empty house. Even though I was pretty sure I'd warned Harry that Hermione and I would be coming back here, but whatever, that guy never listened to me anyway.

"Yeah, it wasn't." My voice cracked with emotion, but I didn't have the energy to feel ashamed about it. "I feel like Erumpent intestine, to be honest, Gin."

"That bad, huh?" Ginny's face softened, making me feel even worse.

"I just can't talk about it right now, okay?"

"Okay. Well, we're here when you decided that you're ready to talk about it."

I nodded, letting an awkward silence fill the room. I was intent on staring at my soggy feet, but out of the corner of my eye, I could see Lavender looking between the three of us, appearing confused as hell.

I decided to take pity on the poor girl.

"Hey, Lav. Want to grab a beer and head up to my room? Nothing dodgy, but we should probably get out of these lovebirds hair."

"Sure," Lavender agreed.

I fished two cans out of the back of the fridge, acknowledging Harry and Ginny's grateful looks with a nod. After making sure Lavender was following me, I headed towards the stairs.

⁂

Once we were safely inside of my bedroom, I cast a quick drying spell to remove most of the moisture from my hair and clothes. Confident I wasn't going to drip anywhere else, I turned my wand on the door, performing a silencing spell just in case Harry and Ginny got a little carried away downstairs. There was no way I could subject Lav to that. Passing a can of beer to the blonde, I threw myself down in my desk chair.

"So, I'm really excited to talk to you. I had to come around straight away. It couldn't wait a moment later." Lavender set the drink aside, not bothering to open it. "I hope it's okay that I found your address from the directory at work. Is that weird?"

"A little, but you're here now, so…" I shrugged before taking a long swig from my can. Lavender was okay, most of the time, and an excellent ally to have around at work. She had Robards eating out of the palm of her hand, most of the time, and you couldn't get anything done with our boss without going through Lav first. Given how my evening had gone, I found myself feeling grateful for even the smallest of distractions.

"Your bedroom is cool, by the way. Very 90's teenage chic. All you need is a few Playwitch posters, and it would be like being back in the boy's dormitories in the Gryffindor tower. Not that I was up there a lot."

"Thanks."

"Yeah, it's cosy."

I sighed. "I'm sorry, Lavender. I didn't know you were going to drop by. I hope Harry and my sister weren't being gross or anything."

"You're sorry? Oh Merlin, are you crazy or something? I'm the one who turned up unannounced, Ron. If I knew you were going to be out, I wouldn't have come over, but Harry said he'd text you and that I should wait for an answer before I went home. He wasn't sure if you were coming back here or going somewhere else…"

I can't imagine what might have happened if I'd brought Hermione home and Lavender was here waiting for me. Not that it mattered. But visions of how jealous she'd acted with Daphne and Pansy before Christmas filled my mind, and I didn't want Lavender to fall victim to that. Hermione could be vicious when she felt intimidated or put out, and she and Lavender had never gotten on during summer camp.

"I was out and haven't checked my phone all evening. I didn't want to be disturbed. I was hoping my night would have gone a little differently, not that I mind that you're here, of course. Just that I'd hoped someone else would be here."

"Oh, okay. That's fine. So, anyway, I found your proposal on my desk, and I'm so sorry to say that I completely forgot about it. But I read it, and I loved it."

"Really?" I shifted forward, leaning more towards Lavender as my heart started to pound in my chest.

"Yeah, and honestly, I didn't think you could write like that. You were pretty much an idiot while we were in school."

"An idiot you snogged," I quipped, keen to remind her of that one time we got drunk on Butterbeer and spent the rest of the night with each other's tongues down our throats.

"Well, you were mostly focused on Quidditch and hanging around with Harry and nothing scholastic. I only snogged you because you were so beautiful. Well, you still are." Lavender's cheeks turned pink.

Our conversation was heading down a path I had no interest in following tonight, given how badly my evening had gone. I didn't want to embarrass Lavender, I still needed her on my side to get my plan in front of Robards, but equally, I needed to be careful not to hurt her feelings tonight. Just because I was in a bad mood, it didn't mean I had to upset everyone in my path too.

I drained my can before speaking again.

"Thank you for finally reading it, Lavender. I mean, they're only small suggestions on how to make improvements to the Department, but it could be the start of something bigger and better for us."

"Yeah, yeah, exactly. I read it, and I was like, 'Merlin, I want to, like, apparate straight over there and tell him in person. So, I did. I left the office straight away, and here I am. I know it sounds crazy—"

"It's not crazy, Lavender. Thank you for reading it."

"Robards was working late, too, so I marched straight into his office and put a copy of it on his desk. I told him, 'you have to read this before you leave the office tonight.' As I left, he was starting to flick through it. So I guess it's just a waiting game now to see what he has to say about it."

"Holy shit. Robard's is going to look at it?"

My heart started to pound harder in excitement. It wasn't quite the medicine I needed to get over Hermione, but it would be a good start. I wasn't naive enough to think that all it would take was my plan finally getting looked at, but it was a step in the right damn direction. I needed a boost, and if my love life was going to sink, then at least I might get ahead in my career instead. Starting to feel a little better, I decided to do something spontaneous.

"Lavender, this is brilliant news. Thank you so much. If he doesn't like my ideas, then that's fine, but at least he would have considered them instead of outright dismissing them." I let out a long breath, feeling some of the weight drop off my shoulders. I was a long way from feeling my usual sunny self again, but I wouldn't give Hermione the satisfaction of finding out I'd spent the evening moping instead. "Hey, do you want to hang out or something? Sit down, take a load off. We can have more beers, you know, as a thank you for doing this for me."

Lavender looked at my bed, which fortunately I'd remembered to make before I left earlier, then perched on the edge of it. She wasn't as smiley as she usually was, but she was eyeing me with beady eyes, and I realised with a sinking feeling that she might even fancy me. I'd have to deal with that, eventually, but right now, I was feeling reckless and was determined to do anything to make myself feel better.

"Sure, I mean, we haven't hung out together since school. You and Harry have an exclusive little group and don't even invite me out for work drinks, despite being in the same department for ten years. It's almost like I never existed."

"Do you still like Divination?" I was a shit person, I think that is universally agreed, but I didn't need reminding of that right now. Fortunately, Lavender was an open book when we were in school, and some things never changed.

"Yeah. I still read my tea leaves, and recently, I've been learning about palm reading."

"Palm reading?"

"Like looking at your lines and using them to determine what's coming. It's not a magical branch of Divination, but it's interesting nonetheless. Here, give me your hand."

I offered her my empty palm, and she took it, staring at the lines across my skin for a moment. She frowned, and my heart skipped a beat. I never usually believed in all this rubbish, but the look on her face made me wonder if something was seriously wrong with me.

Finally, she spoke up. "Your palm is interesting. Your life line is long and deep, meaning you rarely get ill, and you're going to have a healthy life. Your heart line looks like a trident, see?" She dragged her finger over it, and I couldn't help but notice the slight shiver that travelled up my arm. "This means luck in love and life."

I scoffed. "Then it's still a whole load of bullshit, then."

"What happened?" Lavender tightened her grip on my hand, a concerned look on her face. "I mean, I noticed the state of you when you'd walked in. You looked like someone had told you the Cannons were disbanding."

I contemplated not telling her, but I had nobody else to speak to unless I wanted to go and sit with Harry and Ginny and ruin their romantic night. Being the third wheel wasn't at the top of my list of things that would make me feel better, especially with my best friend and sister. And I wasn't one for keeping my feelings inside.

"I was kind of seeing Hermione Granger over the past year, but it's over now."

"Hermione?" She leaned back against the bed, eyebrows raised. "That bushy-haired, big-toothed girl from summer camp?"

"Yeah…"

"Wow. I didn't think she'd go for a guy like you."

Fuck my life.

"Thanks, Lav. That's just the boost I needed." I tried not to look offended.

"No, that's not what I meant. You're fantastic. You're funny, charming sometimes, and good looking. Hermione always acted like she had a broom up her backside, like she was too good for us. She spent most of her time talking about how she was desperate to go back to the Académie de Magie Beauxbâtons." Lavender's french accent was awful, but it made me laugh. I had no further loyalties to Hermione, and taking the piss out of her helped make me feel better, even though I knew I'd feel guilty about it later.

"Seriously, Ron," Lavender continued, "If she's made you feel this shit, then maybe you're better off without her anyway."

Lavender was right. Sure, I was allowed to mope for a day or two, but I made a decision there and then that it would be the end of it. Hermione had bloody blinded me to the fact that there were hundreds of other women out there. And maybe even Lavender might be okay to date, eventually. But not as a rebound.

"Do you know what, Lav? I think you're right. Maybe I am better off without her. Do you want to stick a movie on? You don't have anywhere you need to be, do you?"

Lavender looked confused at my sudden change in mood before breaking out into another blinding smile. "Nowhere to be. It's Friday, I have no plans, and I don't have work until Monday."

"Brilliant, me neither. And don't worry. I'm not going to make a move on you or anything. But it might be nice for me to have someone to hang out with that isn't too busy snogging my sister."

"I didn't even realise Harry was seeing your sister."

"Yep! For a while now. And it looks bloody serious too, doesn't it?" A heavy sigh escaped my lips as I got up to turn the TV on. I settled back on the bed, and Lavender sat next to me, placing a comforting hand on my arm.

"It will all work out fine, eventually."

I nodded. Maybe it would. Perhaps there was light at the end of the tunnel, and for once, I had a good feeling that it wasn't going to be Hermione the bloody freight train coming to run me over again.

She was out of my life, and this time for good.