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Four
I left not long after that, it was a painful drive home. An emptiness settling in my chest as I headed away from whatever strange thing was trying to pull me backwards. I forced myself to continue. To keep moving forward despite the desire to turn around growing stronger the further I drove away.
Arriving back at my apartment, it felt emptier than ever. I felt like a different person walking back through the threshold. I realized as the day progressed that it wasn't the apartment that felt empty, but me. It was difficult to process how everything I lived for could change in the split second. One look and the Renesmee that had existed before was forever altered. Regardless of what imprinting was and what it meant for them; I had come to the only rational conclusion on the drive home, It was clear that this man was my mate and that change I understood to be irreversible. He was mine, and I was his. It was simple enough and yet, I still found myself struggling to grasp it.
I was still trying to work things out in my mind as I took a shower and slowly got myself ready for the shift at work. I dragged the unruly curls into a tight bun and dressing in a smart navy dress and heals, my scrubs awaited me when I got there. Deciding to walk to work so that it would take longer to get there and distract me with the walk.
It was easier to focus on work. Easier to find distraction. Focusing on the women, the babies, and the process. Finding comfort in the familiar, so much so that I didn't realized my shift had finished until one of the other nurses bid me over for hand over with the day staff.
My next two shifts followed in pretty much the same fashion, I focused everything I had on my patients and just worked through them. Keeping myself distracted and focused on the task at hand made the time go faster. I still didn't truly understand how I could have changed my personality so abruptly. Working at the hospital used to be my everything and now I was desperate for my obligation to be here to be over all so that I could be near him again. A man I barely knew had appeared in my life and completely overtaken it. A part of me resented that change but largely, I felt relief at having found him. My grandfather had waited centuries to find the one, my own father had waited over a hundred years and me, just under a decade. I had definitely got off lightly with the solitary lifestyle.
I was lost in thoughts when I finished my shift on the third morning. Stepping outside into the morning sunlight, my senses went into overdrive and I knew he was here. I saw him then, dressed in more appropriate clothing for the weather today, jeans, a black tee, and a leather jacket. My heartbeat stuttered as I registered his presence. I strode over to him and felt the smile lift my lips.
"What are you-?"
"I did say I wouldn't last long,"
Without a moment's hesitation, the words I least expected to leave me, did.
"Title of your sex tape."
Mortified, I tried to back pedal, but no words left me. Stupid Uncle Emmett and his ridiculous obsession with saying that phrase to absolutely everything. I cursed him and the admittedly amusing cop show he'd got it from.
To my surprise, Jake wasn't at all offended. He was barely containing his laughter.
"I'm sorry, it just slipped out." I tried to explain, badly.
"Title of your sex tape," he replied before the laughter burst free.
We laughed most of the way back to my apartment, people stared at us strangely the whole time and I couldn't bring myself to care. Just being with him made me feel light and free. I enjoyed his company in a way I couldn't fully explain. I felt his whole-body tense as we approached the door to my apartment.
"What's the matter?"
He was on edge in a way I didn't like. I turned to him and saw his body was rigid.
"I can smell one," he spoke through gritted teeth, before taking a deep breath, "Smells like the small one."
I frowned, "What are you talking about?"
"Your family," his expression was hard as he spoke those words.
I glanced at my apartment then and understood as I saw the source of the smell. I couldn't help but laugh. A parcel sat by the door, I approached despite him trying to stop me. My aunt Alice, or the small one, wasn't physically here but she had clearly sent me something again despite my telling her not too on many occasions. I ignored his attitude and examined the parcel; I could smell her presence too.
"It's probably just more clothes that I don't like," I muttered more to myself. Before letting us into the room, it took him a few minutes to move. My apartment must have smelt better as he relaxed tenfold once he was inside the small room. I felt a little self-conscious of the space as he looked around, partly because it seemed smaller with him inside it. The small couch probably wouldn't fit us both on it. I blushed as the same thought went through my mind about my bed and moved to open the parcel so he wouldn't notice my expression change.
His interest returned to me once I had the parcel opened. His nose wrinkled at the smell that came from the clothes as I pulled them out of the package. Three more work dresses and underneath them lay three bras, I had needed new ones but as I realized once again, I wasn't alone in my apartment, the blush crept back up my face and I quickly closed the box to hide them from his view. Thankfully, he was now looking out of the window, examining the view of the small city that surrounded us. The woodland wasn't far from reach though, it was just ahead in the distance. I could see it clearly as I approached him and tried to follow his gaze.
"Why did the smell upset you?" I asked as the thought crossed my mind, "my families smell I mean? Little surprised you can smell them if I'm honest. Not that anything about you all should surprise me anymore."
I was rambling, his look then cut me off.
"Did they not tell you anything about us?"
I shrugged, "I only know what they chose to tell me."
"Sound a little bitter about that," he commented picking up on my annoyance easily.
"Just a bit," I replied.
"Why does it upset you?" I repeated.
He shrugged off my questions but answered all the same, "it doesn't upset me, but it's not a nice smell. What I am, well, basically I exist to destroy them. They are the enemy."
My expression said everything I felt, his words we're like a kick to the gut.
"Not you," he quickly back tracked, "not your family."
"I don't understand," was all I could say.
He sighed, "it's a long story and one day I'll tell you everything, I promise but in short my tribe, my people we evolved to be this way to protect our land, our people from the cold-ones. The red eyed ones if I'm being specific. My ancestors made a treaty with your family, a few of them anyway and we won't harm them. We've worked together before, because of your mom, because of Bella."
"You were friends with them?" I asked, unsure. Mom had called them her old friends.
He snorted at the comment, "with your mom yes. The others I'd refer to as reluctant allies, but still. I wouldn't hurt them unless they made it necessary."
"You won't hurt them regardless," I muttered unhappily, I wasn't enjoying this conversation.
"No," his voice was different as he spoke next, "I won't. I can't. If hurting them would hurt you, then I can't."
"Hang on," I said as the thought struck me, "if you can smell vampires, did you manage to track who left the body?"
He shook his head, "whoever it was that dumped that body, it left no trail. No scent, no footprints, nothing. I can't figure it out. It just doesn't make sense.
She didn't get there on her own. But there are no footprints at all. Even the woman's scent was nowhere except immediately surrounding her."
Strange.
A stray thought in my mind told me I should ask for their opinion. I glanced up at Jake and decided against it. I wanted my own life after all.
"You don't need to worry about it though," he was quick to add.
Something in that statement made my teeth grit together in annoyance. I held his gaze for a short time.
"I decide what I worry about ok?" I told him, my voice was a little sharper than intended.
To my surprise, he didn't look offended or annoyed by my reply.
"I know," he said, "I promise I won't keep anything from you, that wasn't how I meant it. I won't do what your family did, Ren. You deserve to make up your own mind about these things. You just don't need to worry about the woman anymore, that's all. It's over now."
"Still on my mind though," I admitted, "I never thought I'd meet another like me. It's strange to think there's another out there somewhere."
"Yeah I bet," he replied, "you're pretty unique, aren't you?"
Something in the way he looked at me. He held my gaze prisoner, it made my face flush and I looked away for a moment. I got my thoughts in order and turned back to him.
"So," I asked, "Did you come here just to see me?"
The question made him smile, "of course, and to invite you to a party tonight."
"A party?"
The face I made was less than enthusiastic.
He chuckled at the look on my face.
"Your mom hated parties too," he commented, "but this isn't like a party. It's more of a gathering, it's a bonfire, some beer and a BBQ."
That didn't sound too awful. Something that gave me pause for thought though was the comment about beer.
"Technically," I replied, "I'm not of legal drinking age."
He laughed heartily at the comment.
"Not what your ID says though, is it?" he responded quickly, "and Charlie's retired so the law isn't present."
At the mention of Charlie, concern grew inside me.
"I can't," I told him when he frowned, I elaborated, "Charlie can't see me. If Sam saw my mother in me, there is a high chance that Charlie will see his daughter."
The daughter he believed was dead.
Jake looked deep in thought then, and he paced a bit as he thought it through. He clearly didn't find a way around this problem, confirming so when he spoke up next.
"Night in?" he suggested.
"Absolutely," I agreed easily.
He didn't have much in the way of streaming options at his place. I must admit I was probably a bit spoiled by the number of choices I had. I may not have used my family's money to pay for the things I needed but I did use their Amazon video and Netflix accounts still. I reasoned that a lot of young adults did just that. He presented me with a stack of DVD's then and I looked at them unsure. I knew what DVDs were just hadn't used them in some time.
"Sorry it's a bit pathetic," he apologized, "I don't stay home much."
I shook my head, "it's not pathetic," I assured him, "just I don't really know what these titles are."
"It's mostly superhero stuff," he explained, looking a little embarrassed by his collection of eight DVD's.
"I've heard of this one," I told him, handing him a copy of a superhero film I'd heard discussed before but had never actually taken the time to watch. Having a more mature mind meant that films designed purely for entertainment weren't always a priority watch for me. I wouldn't mind watching one though, if it were something he enjoyed. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad.
"The Avengers," he commented, "You've never seen the Avengers before?"
I shook my head.
"It's a good thing you met me then, your education has been lacking until now,"
I laughed, "I assure you my education was far from lacking."
"Nah, up till now you haven't lived. I'm going to take your Marvel virginity," he laughed heartily, and I felt a blush creep up my cheeks at the mention of 'virginity' even if it wasn't meant that way.
He was studying the DVD cover at that moment and I was thankful for that, when to my horror he looked up.
Frowning he asked, "wait, if you haven't seen Avengers, have you seen any?"
"No, none."
I swallowed past the lump in my throat that was forming in anxiety. He wasn't talking about sex but the thoughts were still there in the back of mind. I knew nothing, literally nothing.
I knew how things worked and the results of it were my job but I hadn't even kissed anyone before, let alone that.
It was making me anxious even though I knew I definitely didn't know Jake well enough for anything to actually happen between us at this point. The possibilities though, they went through my mind and made me nervous. So nervous, I didn't pay attention to any of his ramblings about films.
"Are you ok?"
His voice was soft, calm. He had noticed my discomfort it seemed.
"I'm not ready," my voice was quiet, the words escaping before I could reel them back in.
He looked completely confused as he replied, "To watch Iron Man?"
I looked up at him and watched it dawn on him after a minute or two.
He moved to sit beside me, leaving very little space between us.
"I was joking, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable," he assured me.
"You didn't," I quickly tried to make him feel better.
"Honestly," I added as his expression changed to show his disbelief, "you didn't make me uncomfortable. I just… I've never thought about it before and when you said that word, I panicked."
His hand reached for me then and held mine in his. Stroking my palm in a way that soothed the panic from my body.
"Ren," he spoke with such serenity I couldn't not believe him, "I will never force you into anything. You never need to feel pressured, or god forbid, frightened because of me. I will never hurt you."
"I will, however," he added a few moments later, "make you watch Iron Man first, because you can't watch Avengers unless you've seen Iron Man."
I laughed then, feeling the unease slip away. He was such a comforting presence; I felt the anxiety begin to ease as he sat beside me.
"Ok," I told him, "I don't mind watching Iron Man, what's it about?"
Jake moved to place the DVD in the player before settling back on the couch beside me.
"Well, it's basically about this man who makes a super suit," he explained.
I could feel that this film was not going to be too much to concentrate on.
"Let me guess, out of iron?" I asked, feeling a smile growing across my face.
"I thought you said you hadn't seen this movie before?" he asked, eyeing me in a way that feigned suspicion. I could hear the playful tone in his voice though.
"Just an educated guess," I replied.
"Nah," he responded, waving off my reply, "I told you, you're not educated until you've watched these movies."
I laughed aloud, "So a college education, a nursing degree and a midwifery qualification mean nothing to you?"
He sshed me then, "You're about to be properly educated, its starting."
He winked at me then and I couldn't help but smile as the movie started. His arm found its way around me, and I sat up against him as the movie played out. It wasn't a bad movie, not at all, but it wasn't the best I'd seen either. It was interesting enough to hold my focus, but not enough to stop me feeling distracted every time his hand would brush against me, or when he'd shift his body slightly whenever he'd been sat still for too long.
Every time he moved; it took my focus from the movie. Thankfully, despite his playful comments I was smart enough to keep up. When the movie credits started rolling, I went to move but he quickly stopped me.
"See you aren't educated at all, there is always an after credits scene,"
I rolled my eyes but didn't complain at being able to stay in my place of comfort beside him a little longer. When he finally let me move, it was only so he could grab us food and hunt for another movie. He returned with sandwiches and sodas. He devoured his food before I'd even touched mine.
"Hungry much?" I found myself asking, completely taken aback by just how fast the food had vanished. I barely ate a thing most of the time, I could honestly just eat this sandwich and not need to eat again for a couple of days if I hunted in between. I had tried to eat bigger meals and hunt less, I had tried to be human, and it hadn't worked for me.
Blood was unfortunately something I would always want, and it appealed to me more than food at times. It kept me strong and as long as I wasn't hurting anyone, I saw no problem with it. I began to see a problem with it now though, as his eyes found me lost in my thoughts.
Would he still want me if he knew I was more like my parents than he probably realized? He'd seen my memories, but what if he hadn't realized I was still following their way of life even if I lived the way I did?
"You're doing it again," he commented then, and I snapped straight out of my thoughts.
I started nibbling on the sandwich, and apologized.
"I do that a lot. I'm sorry, I get a bit lost in my thoughts."
He studied me quietly for a moment before speaking up again.
"What were you thinking about?" he asked gently, "You looked worried."
"Perceptive much," I muttered quietly to myself, knowing he would probably hear me regardless.
"Yeah, I tend to be," he replied.
"It's nothing important."
I tried unsuccessfully to shrug it off.
"It is if it's bothering you," he told me.
I looked up into his eyes then and found only genuine concern. It was hard to see it and not feel like I could just tell him my worries, explain myself to this man I didn't really know.
Maybe that was what we needed, to know each other. Not me showing him because I was obligated to explain myself but telling each other about one another just because we wanted too.
"I was worried you wouldn't like me if you knew," I began, picking at the sandwich on my plate absentmindedly.
"Knew what?" his voice was a little strained, "You haven't killed anyone have you?"
"Oh jeez, no," I was quick to assure him of that, "It's just, I don't always like food."
He frowned deeply, "Did you not want the sandwich then?"
I laughed lightly, "No the sandwich is fine, I just –"
"Oh god, you just hate what my family is and I thought if you knew that I preferred the other food you wouldn't like me anymore."
I watched as comprehension dawned.
He shrugged, "We're not exactly vegans in this house, meat's meat right? You do only, you know, with like game and stuff yeah?"
I nodded quickly, "Just animals."
He was surprisingly calm about it all, "I eat animals too, bacon is the best. There's not much difference really."
"It doesn't bother you?" I asked, completely taken aback by how cool with this he actually was.
He shook his head, "it makes you, you, and so it's fine with me."
I was so completely shocked that I didn't speak again for a few minutes.
"Did you want to watch another movie?" he asked then.
I shook my head, "I'm still digesting the last one. Can we just talk? I feel like I know you, but I don't know anything about you. I'd really like to change that if that's ok?"
"Sure, sure," he agreed easily, and in doing so I understood Sam's strange reaction to me all those weeks ago.
I remembered then that he had been friends with my mom and it all suddenly made sense. I smiled but didn't comment on his phrase, it seemed irrelevant now. At the reminder of his friendship with my mom, I realized something. Although he looked about twenty-five, he was likely older than he appeared.
"How old are you?
He looked a little uncomfortable at the question, definitely older than me.
"I was thirty last year," he admitted, somewhat reluctantly.
"Oh," I replied, thinking it over, so he would have been fifteen? or sixteen? When I was born. Not a huge age gap then.
"You don't look thirty?" I commented,
He smirked, "You don't look fifteen,"
"True," I admitted.
"You know about my family, what about you? You mentioned a sister?" I asked, steering the conversation in a different direction.
He nodded, "yeah, two sisters and their husbands. Then I've got three nieces, two nephews, and my father. My mom passed away after a car accident. My dad's been in a wheelchair since that day too."
Sympathy welled up inside me. I had done a placement in the ER during my nursing degree. I'd seen families torn apart from road traffic accidents. I'd seen what bad driving could do to humans. Sometimes it wasn't good to have knowledge.
"I'm sorry to hear that."
He waved off my sympathy, "I was ten when it happened, it's been a long time. You just have to learn to live with grief, most people I know have lost someone, it's a normal part of being human."
"Not that I am human," he added, "human with genetic modifications does sound pretty cool though."
I laughed, "what does that make me? Am I genetically modified too?"
"Well," he thought, "I guess you are. Hybrid human vampire doesn't sound as good. We'll be genetically modified humans together."
I loved how that sounded, not the 'genetically modified humans' that sounded a bit cheap movie to me, but 'we'll be together' now that I liked.
"Right so I know you haven't seen Marvel until now, so what do you usually watch? Like favorite series or movie?"
"I don't really have a favorite," I admitted, not wanting to tell him I usually just watched documentaries in my free time or read books. One thing I had inherited from my mom was a passion for literature.
"You don't watch much tv?" He asked, "you've seen Brooklyn 99 though? You quoted that one earlier?"
"That one is my uncle's doing. I watched bits with him but he says that to everyone any chance he gets. But no I don't watch a massive amount of TV," I told him, "prefer books if I'm honest. I read a good book the other day was about a serial killer."
Great, now I sound like a psychopath.
"Oh really? I like those books."
I smiled, of course he did.
"I'll bring it with me next time."
The conversation flowed easily. We had more in common than I would have thought. We talked late into the night, until I heard it.
"There's a car coming," I told him, he heard it too just a moment later.
"Ah shit," he cursed, "it'll be Charlie bringing my dad back."
I panicked.
"He can't see me,"
"I know, quick," he said, jumping up off the couch and ushering me towards a room off the side of the living space. It was small, the double bed took up almost the entire available space.
He showed me into the room, and then darted back into the lounge. He returned with my bag. He took my hand for a moment and we both heard the sounds of voices approaching the house.
"I'll be back soon," he promised, squeezing my hand gently before closing the door securely and going to greet his father and Charlie, my grandfather. The grandfather who knew nothing about me. I felt suddenly saddened by that thought. I'd never really thought too much about my mother's parents, seeing them wasn't exactly something I would be able to do.
I could hear their conversation in the adjoining room as easily as if I was standing beside him still.
"Hey, Jake," a gruff man's voice said, "we missed you tonight."
"How did your 'night in' go?" A different voice spoke next. I could hear the implications in the way he phrased 'night in', this man was aware at least partly of Jake's intentions to meet with me tonight.
"Yeah, dad, good, I think," he replied.
I learned to distinguish between the men's voices then. The man who had first spoken must be Charlie, the other was Jake's father.
"Right well, I'd better get back," Charlie announced. The door opened and closed again a few minutes later after goodbyes and thanks were said.
"Did it really go ok?" His father asked.
"Yeah," Jake replied, "I think so."
"That's really good news Jacob," his father answered. I heard the scrape of the wheelchair across the wooden floor, I didn't know the house layout well enough to know where he headed.
I guessed from the sound of a can hissing as it was opened that he'd taken himself to the kitchen.
"Did you want to talk about it?" His father offered
"Umm," Jake hesitated, "maybe another time."
A few seconds of silence preceded his father's reply.
"Is she still here?" He whispered.
I smiled at his attempt to keep his voice low. I could hear the subtle creak of the floorboards beneath his wheelchair, whispering wouldn't prevent me hearing their conversation.
Jake didn't reply straight away, at least not towards his father. His volume was so low, I doubted whether his father would have heard him.
"Do you want to say hello? Or not?"
"Not," I answered, worry rising in my chest. The more people that saw me here, the harder it would be to keep myself a secret.
"Nah, she's gone," he lied, "it was a good night though. She said she'd call later, bit much I know but I'm kinda anxious to hear her voice again. If you need anything, just holler I'll hear."
His father didn't verbalize any reply. I moved to hide myself from the view of the open door just before it slowly opened.
Jake's face was anxious as he quickly entered the room, shutting the door behind him.
"Sorry," I spoke, my voice low.
An easy smile transformed his face.
"No worries," his volume matched mine.
I stayed rooted to my spot beside the wall. Nervous suddenly given the change in location. There was very little space between us now. It wasn't possible to keep a respectable distance from each other here.
He made more noise than was necessary as he got himself comfortable on his bed. He sat up against the headboard and motioned for me to join him.
That fear from before surfaced, I hesitated. He smiled in reassurance and I remembered our conversation earlier. He wasn't going to hurt me or force me into anything I wasn't ready for. Despite knowing this, a lack of trust in myself kept me where I stood.
I wasn't sure I could be that close and keep the feelings at bay. Close together on a sofa was one thing, a bed was quite another.
"It's ok, Ren," he urged me, "you're stuck here for a couple of hours at least, you might as well be comfy."
My look questioned his words, "I don't know, I could always jump out the window. Or you know, I could probably even make it out the front door before this door closed."
He looked suitably impressed.
"I'll have to race you sometime," he suggested.
A grin spread across my face. I moved in one sudden movement, taking the offered space beside him in a blink.
He startled slightly but not as much as I'd hoped for.
"That will take some getting used to," he commented, gazing down at me in amazement.
"I thought you were familiar with vampires," I said
"I am," he responded, "just not in my bedroom."
I couldn't help it, I giggled at his admission.
"Damn, that's hot," he spoke, reluctance evident in his tone.
I blushed at the comment.
"Sorry," he said quickly, "I promised and I'm already making you uncomfortable."
"I'm not uncomfortable," I told him, "I'm actually very comfortable."
He opened his arms for me and on instinct I obliged. I cuddled up into his side, his warmth a wondrous comfort.
We chatted throughout the evening, occasionally he'd stroke my hair, my arms, my hand and I'd lose myself in those gentle caresses.
He'd left me briefly to help his father but was never away for long. The evening was subdued and perfect. Our conversation had slowed naturally and at some point, after midnight, we'd settled into sleep beside each other.
I awoke to the sound of someone calling out. The voice was calling for Jacob but he had not so much as stirred. I tried to wake him as the voice of his father called out for him again but he was so deeply asleep nothing I did roused him.
I cursed as his father called out again. Being a medical professional, I could never ignore someone in need even if seeing me could potentially cause problems for us both.
I moved quietly away from Jake, following the voice to where it called from. I knocked lightly and opened the door slightly.
"Are you ok?" I called out; I could see him sitting up in his bed. His expression was alarmed as he registered the unknown voice that had spoken.
"It's ok, I'm Jake's friend," I explained, "I'm a nurse. Do you need help?"
"I knew he was hiding something," the old man grumbled. I wasn't sure whether I was supposed to hear his words or not so I ignored them.
"Did you need help?" I repeated, knowing he probably did.
"Yes thanks," he replied, "I need the toilet, I can normally manage but I knocked my chair over."
I saw it then, my gaze following the direction he gestured towards. The man's wheelchair lay on its side on the floor beside his bed. I walked slowly and righted the chair.
He smiled kindly at me.
"Is there anything else you need?" I asked.
"No, I'll be just fine," he told me, "you get yourself back to bed dear."
I smiled at the term of endearment.
"If you need anything just call," I told him before ducking out of the bedroom and heading back to where I'd come from.
Jake hadn't moved, still deeply asleep snoring lightly. I settled myself back down beside him and his body seemed to move on instinct, his arm snaking around me, holding me securely to him. Warm and feeling safe, sleep claimed me quickly
AN: Ren's Brooklyn 99 quote was something I almost did by accident. me and my husband are awful for replying to each other with "Title of your sex tape," to the point that "it just slipped out" while writing. it made me laugh so I kept it in - and now I'm laughing because my brain said it again to that sentence. I need to grow up lol
Thanks guys :)