For a few hours Lena didn't have to think about everything happening in her life. She didn't have to keep shoving her feelings into their tiny boxes over and over because they refused to remain buried. She could set it all aside and focus on something that still brought her joy, speaking to classrooms full of children about pursuing STEM education and the kinds of careers that could be had afterwards. She especially loved getting to talk to young girls and encouraging them to dream big. She was feeling good about her new presentation, confident that the kids would enjoy it and get a lot out of it, so Lena was actually smiling as she crossed the school parking lot. But that smile fell instantly as she watched Supergirl descend from the sky to land with a soft thud of leather boots on ashapt. All of her little emotional boxes exploded when Supergirl took a step towards her. Anger, hurt, betrayal, rage, it all flooded her system yet again.
"Lena, please, I didn't mean to..." Supergirl begged as she stretched out her hand towards Lena.
Lena had been avoiding Kara, avoiding all of them, as much as she could. She didn't want to face them until she had a better handle on her emotions, until she could confront them without dissolving into screaming and ugly crying. She couldn't trust herself, and that was made evident as she made a fist at her side, drawing it back, and as soon as Supergirl was within reaching letting it fly, slamming it right into the blonde's nose with a sickening crunch. She watched as Supergirl stumbled back, and for a moment Lena felt a rush of pleasure at the trickle of blood coming from Supergirl's nose. But that pleasure was fleeting and quickly replaced with feelings she refused to acknowledge as she stared into the stunned and hurt expression on Kara's face.
Sighing deeply Lena closed her eyes, took several deep breaths, and when she opened her eyes the school parking lot was gone. She now stood in her office at L-Corp, alone. Reaching up she deactivated the high tech VR contacts she was wearing just as the intercom on her desk beeped. Walking over to her chair she sat down while responding, "Yes Jess?"
"You wanted a reminder when it was time to start getting ready, Ms. Luthor." Came Jess' reply.
"Yes, thank you, Jess." Lena managed to say in her cool, professional tone, while removing the contacts and placing them back in their case. "Have my car brought around in about an hour, oh, and go ahead with the printed materials for next week's school programs."
"Yes, Ms. Luthor." Jess responded.
She hated the fact that she was struggling to trust even Jess, but after everything that happened with Eve, and now with Kara, Lena's faith in everyone was shaken. After slipping her contacts case into her purse she rose from her desk chair and headed for her bathroom to change. She was dreading tonight, but she couldn't find a way out of it that wouldn't draw even more concerned attention from the people she was trying to distance herself from. Once she was ready she secured a few things in her office and then headed down to the waiting car that would drive her across town to a five star hotel she was fairly certain she owned, where she would watch Kara get an award for a story she'd written about Lex. Why was she putting herself through this?
What was she doing here? Why was she sitting in this ballroom at this table with these people who lied to her? Every single one of them, her so called chosen family, had been lying to her. She had let down her defenses and let these people in, trusted them, loved them, but they couldn't do the same for her. She was never truly one of them, was she? No matter how much it had felt as if she were. They had all kept Kara's secret. Kara who made her so many promises about protecting her, about always being there for her, about always being on her side, and about always believing in her. Empty promises. Kara clearly didn't believe in her, or trust her. Kara wasn't on her side and she hadn't protected her from being hurt, she was the cause of Lena's pain. The pain and anger flared to life in Lena like a wildfire and she did her best to smoother it by downing the rest of the wine in her glass just as Kara Danvers began her acceptance speech for the Pulitzer she'd won for the story she wrote on how the evil Lex Luthor had nearly divided and conquered, but was stopped by love and faith and believing in the inherent goodness of people. Lena was going to vomit.
"I need a refill." Lena whispered sweetly to Nia before gracefully getting to her feet and walking away from the table. All eyes were on Kara as she spoke, no one would miss her if it took a little longer than it should to refill her wine glass at the bar. She didn't notice Kara's sparkling blue eyes tracking her through the ballroom. Nor did she notice the intrigued gaze of a dark eyed, dark haired woman who noticed her as she passed by. She was to busy asking herself the same questions she'd been asking herself, why was she still pretending these people cared about her, why was she hiding how much they had hurt her? A true Luthor would be making them all pay by now. But that's part of her problem isn't it? She wasn't Luthor enough to be a proper Luthor, but to much of a Luthor to be trusted by a Super?
Lena didn't hear the soft snapping of a camera taking pictures of her, so when the person taking those pictures spoke she jumped, starled out of her thoughts.
"I still can't decide if your tragically beautiful or beautifully tragic."
Lena blinked, her heart racing a bit from being startled. The woman was tall, slender but muscular, her hair was long, wavy, and dark brown, almost black. Her eyes were milk chocolate brown, and her skin a lightly golden tan. She wore a tailored black tux, with a white shirt with several undone buttons, and silk lapels. Her heels wrapped around her feet and ankles like greek sandals and just added to her statuesque beauty. "Donna?"
"I was just trying to figure out how long it's been since we've seen each other." Donna replied as she fidgeted with the camera in her hands. "The look of astonishment on your face right now tells me it's been longer than I thought."
For a moment Lena forgot to be angry and hurt. For a moment she forgot to think that caring for someone only led to suffering. She smiled, the first genuine smile since Lex. "Monaco."
"Yeah, longer than I thought." The other woman replied with a smirk as she closed some of the distance between them.
Donna smiled at Lena, a warm smile that reminded Lena for second that before Kara Danvers she had trusted and cared for someone who had trusted and cared for her in return. And not just this surprising blast from her past, but Sam as well. Unless Sam knew about Kara. Was it possible? Had Sam been keeping Kara's secret too? And just like that, it all came rushing back to her and Lena felt the crushing weight of betrayal all over again.
"Hey?" Donna said as she reached out to put her hand on Lena's arm. "You ok? You looked happy to see me and then all of a sudden you looked like I smashed your favorite lab server, again."
Lena slipped back into the role she'd been playing since Lex's dying words shattered her world. She smiled, and laughed softly as she pulled an old friend into a hug. "I'm fine, Donna. I'm just so surprised to see you again after so long. What are you doing here?"
Donna returned the hug as she replied, "Apparently I impressed someone with my work on women creating small businesses in remote countries were poverty is an epidemic, and they're giving me an award for it."
Lena had been so busy dreading this whole thing she hadn't taken the time to review the other recipients. If she had she would have recognized the name Donna Troy under the category of photojournalism essay winner. Maybe if she had she wouldn't have been dreading tonight so much. Lena gladly returned Donna's smile as she said, "I remember seeing that, Donna that was incredible work, worthy of recognition! I'm so happy for you."
The other woman simply shrugged. "I took pictures and gave them an outlet to tell their own stories."
"It was brilliant." Lena insisted. "It's actually the kind of work I would absolutely love to have at CatCo."
"I'd read something about you buying out Cat Grant." Donna replied smirking. "What on earth made you do that?"
"It was a sound investment." Lena answered with a shrug. It had absolutely nothing to do with her ex-best friend being afraid of losing her job. She did it to keep Morgan Edge away from it. Not because of the sad puppy dog eyes Kara had while telling her what was happening.
The pair continued to chat casually until Donna was called away to prepare to accept her own award. Before parting Lena gave the other woman her personal number so they could get together and catch up properly. Then she took her wine and went back to the table of liars just in time to hear Kara as she finished her speech by thanking her family, the people she loved most in the world. Alex was named first of course. Then before J'onn, Eliza, James, and even Cat Grant; Kara thanked Lena. "She's my best friend, though I'm not sure that phrase really conveys just what Lena means to me. Her support and encouragement has made me a better writer, and a better person. I know Ms. Grant likes to take credit for me becoming a reporter, but honestly, I wouldn't be standing here if not for Lena Luthor."
It was more than Lena could take.
She should have just left, called for her car and had Dante take her home, but instead Lena stumbled into an empty room down the corridor from the grand ballroom. It was probably meant to be used as a changing room for brides, given the room's amenities, but right now it was as good a place as any for her to hide. Her chest felt tight and breathing was proving difficult. She felt warm as if flushed with a fever, and yet her skin was cold and clammy to the touch. Her head was swimming, her thoughts and feelings a swirl moving to fast for her to comprehend. She felt dizzy, and her heart raced as if she'd just had to run for her very life. This had been happening a lot since her face off with Lex. If Lena were in a better state of mind and not swamped in her emotions, she would have realized they were panic attacks. Her body crying out for relief from the emotional maelstrom she was trapped in. The fact that she'd spent the last couple of weeks pretending everything was fine when she couldn't avoid her so called friends, wasn't helping matters. She was drinking more than she was eating, and working more than sleeping, and it was starting to show when she looked at herself in the mirror in the mornings but she simply pushed that aside.
Standing with her back to the door Lena gripped the back of a chair as she forced herself to take several deep breaths until she was breathing normally again. She gave herself a few more moments, making sure she could march through the hotel with confidence and grace, but before she was ready she heard the door open and close softly behind her. Lena tensed up.
"Lena?" Kara called out softly. "What's wrong? Are you ok?"
"Nothing's wrong, Kara." Lena lied, her knuckles going white as she gripped the chair with more force. "I'm fine."
"Something's wrong, Lena, I can tell." Kara said as she slowly walked towards Lena. "You've been avoiding us, and when I have seen you, somethings been really off." Kara stopped a few meters away. "Did something happen with Lex? Lena? Did he hurt you?"
Of course he hurt her! That's what Lex does, he hurts people, uses them, manipulates them, plays mind games with them, and when they're no longer of any use he disposes of them. But nothing Lex could ever do to her could hurt her as badly as Kara had. Whether intentional or not, which Lena still wasn't sure about, Kara had caused her more pain than her brother or mother ever could. And because she couldn't control that hurt at the moment, she was incapable of thinking clearly. Which is why when she felt the warmth of Kara's hand on her arm, Lena's reaction was to turn towards the blonde, hand raised, and smack her across the face.
Fuck that hurt!
Kara's eyes went wide and her hand went to her cheek, surely not out of pain, but perhaps out of shock. "Lena."
"Don't bother pretending that hurt, Kara." Lena hissed as everything she'd been feeling since Lex told her the truth finally came bubbling up to the surface wither she wanted it to or not. She was tired, broken, and unable to hold it all back anymore. "Lex did do something, but it wasn't him who hurt me. He told me the truth, Kara." Kara was too stunned to stop Lena as she reached for her glasses, nor did she try and stop her as Lena pulled them off her face. Lena nearly laughed bitterly when found herself face to face with heartbreak. "Something you've never been able to do, Supergirl."
Tears were welling in Kara's eyes, her face twisted in angst and regret. "Lena."
Lena couldn't recall ever seeing so much fear in those eyes before. "Our friendship, wither it was genuine or not…"
"Of course it was genuine, Lena!" Kara cut in.
"Was built on a lie." Lena continued, staring the other woman down. This woman who had walked into her office all those years ago and managed to worm her way deep into Lena's heart. This woman who meant everything to Lena, but Lena mattered nothing to her.
"Lena please!" Kara begged.
Lena looked into Kara's eyes, drank up the pain she saw in them, the hurt and fear, like it was the whiskey that allowed her to sleep at night. Then she stood up straight, took a deep breath, and said, "Go to hell, Supergirl."
She watched Kara's breath hitched as she stepped past her and headed for the door. Her own eyes burned with tears as she forced herself to take each step further and further away from the blonde calling out her name. With each step Lena took her heart broke into another shattered piece. Soon those broken pieces would be to small to mend, but Lena didn't care. What good was a heart when all it led to was pain? What good was having people in her life if all it led to was betrayal? The only person Lena needed was Lena.
Kara was struggling to breath when Alex found her. She felt like a building had just collapsed on top of her and she couldn't get her lungs to expand and take in air. Her whole body shook as she continued to stare down the corridor Lena had disappeared into. Her mind and heart tried desperately to figure out what the hell just happened, but neither could get a grip on anything. Lena knew. Lena knew she was Supergirl, and she hadn't been the one to tell her. Lena knew and Lillian had been right. Lena hated her.
"Kara?" Alex said, concern lacing her voice as she wrapped her arms around her trembling little sister. "Kara's what's wrong? What happened?"
Alex had pushed her back just enough to look at her face, and for several seconds Kara looked like a fish gasping for water, but then she looked into her sister's eyes and found the strength to say the words, "Lena knows." The dam broke and Kara collapsed into Alex's arms. "Lex told her and now she hates me."
"Oh Kara." Alex sighed softly as she held her sister as close and as tight as she could.
Alex needed to get Kara home, needed to get her someplace she could take care of her, but she needed Kara to calm down a little first. So for now she guided them to a loveseat and sat with her, holding her until Kara settled a little. There was a soft knock on the door she had closed, and Alex swore under her breath a bit. "Stay here, Kara." She told her sister before getting up to see who it was.
"Hey." Kelly said softly, a concerned frown on her lips. "Everything ok?"
"No." Alex sighed as she stepped out of the room, closing the door behind her to protect her sister. "I need to take Kara home. Will you do me a favor?"
"Of course." Kelly replied easily, her concern growing. "Anything."
"Let everyone know we had to leave." Alex said. "And tell my mom that I've got this, and I will call her later."
"Of course, Alex." Kelly nodded. "If either of you need anything, call me, ok?"
Alex smiled at her beautiful date. "Thank you, and thank you for not asking to many questions."
Kelly leaned closer to kiss Alex gently. "I hope Kara's ok."
"She's not." Alex admitted. "But I got her." She kissed Kelly once again and was about to turn back to collect her sister, but then she stopped and said, "Tell James he needs to check in on Lena."
Fucking Lex Luthor. If he weren't already dead, Alex would kill him herself. As the older siblings it was their job to guide and protect their younger siblings, not hurt them, not knowingly, and purposefully cause them pain. Alex can admit that she had her reservations about Lena in the beginning, but the more she got to know the younger woman, the more she saw a brilliant young woman with an open heart, who was a bit skittish and uncertain when it came to letting people get close. Lena had taken a risk when she allowed Kara to pull her into their circle of friends, and now she's found out that that circle of friends had been keeping a huge secret from her. And Kara, as the center of that circle and the focus of that secret, was bearing the brunt of Lex Luthor's desire to hurt his baby sister. Alex really needed to find a way to kill a dead man.
It was a rough night. Kara had tried reaching out to Lena with no response, and it was all Alex could do to keep her from flying off to find Lena. "She just needs a little time and space, Kara." But Alex knew her sister well, and knew that Kara, while wrapped like a burrito on the couch, was listening, was searching the city for the sound of her best friend's heart beat.
When Kara wasn't listening, she was blaming herself for this, blaming herself for losing Lena. "I should have told her sooner." She said softly while Alex combed her fingers through her hair as Kara rested her head on a pillow in Alex's lap. "I should have told her years ago."
"You were trying to keep her safe, Kara." Alex reminded her sister. "She was in enough danger on a daily basis being a Luthor, you didn't want to add to that by making her a target as someone close to Supergirl."
"I was being selfish." Kara said angrily as she sat up.
"How were you being selfish?" Alex asked as she looked into her sister's pain filled eyes.
"I just was." Kara said, standing up from the couch and walking to her bedroom.
Alex sighed softly and wondered if it would help to find a Lex Luthor on another Earth and kill him since she couldn't kill the bastard causing her family so much heartache. When Eliza arrived the next morning to check on her daughters and see what happened that drove Kara away from her special night, Alex explained everything over coffee while Kara slept. "I had to make her wear the old pair of sensory headphones she keeps, the last pair you and Dad made for her when she was a kid, just so she'd sleep."
"The extent of that man's evil." Eliza said as she shook her head. "Fucking bastard."
"Mom!" Alex said, blinking in surprise.
"What?" Eliza replied. "He hurt my little girl, what do you want me to call him?" The look on Alex's face made her chuckle. "Seriously Alex, where do you think you got your mouth from?"
Alex's phone buzzed and as she glanced down at the screen a frown tugged at her lips as she picked it up to read the text. Sighing softly, she said, "James went to check on Lena last night. She blew up at him, broke up with him, and kicked him out."
"She's isolating herself." Kara's tired and sad voice said as she stepped out of her bedroom. "Alex, we can't let her do that. We can't let her push everyone who cares about her away like this."
"We won't Kara." Alex replied as she got to her feet and walked over to her sister. She took hold of Kara's upper arms as she looked into Kara's painfulled eyes. "Lena is mad as hell right now. She needs a little time to cool off, to sort things out, and we'll respect that for now. But we're not going to give up on Lena, Kara. I promise you. We won't give up on Lena."
Kara nodded. She would give Lena a little time and space, she could understand needing it. She remembered what it had felt like when she'd started learning about her parents secrets, the anger and the pain caused by what she'd felt was a betrayal. But then Kara would fight, she would fight for Lena, for their relationship, and if it came down to it, which Kara prayed to Rao it wouldn't, she would fight the darkness Lena insisted she had deep down inside. No, there would be no giving up on Lena Kieran Luthor, wither she liked it or not.