Junior will fix it

by fvdv123

Junior, on the way to visit grandpa in the hospital, wasn't paying attention and met Truck Kun. He woke up as Harry Potter, getting kissed by a dementor. Junior found himself in the fanfiction of his grandpa. And what is a good grandchild supposed to do? Right, channel grandpa and kick ass. We will bash and mock everyone, even ourselves. Harry/Multi as always. Self insert

2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer:

J.K., It is getting confusing, this is a fanfiction of a fanfiction… Meh, the puppets are still yours, the world they move in too. The ideas I borrow from other authors are theirs. You see? Nothing is mine, I am as poor as a church rat.

Previous:

In bed, my mind went over the day's events. Killing a dementor, instead of chasing it away with a Patronus changed the timeline. There are some suspicious similarities with grandpa's fanfiction. Is Tracey reading grandpa's fan fiction to me now? The Lordships, the will, it was almost word for word the same. Evil Dumbledore, although if you think about it, what normal man put a baby on a doorstep, at night in November? Never checking upon him? Letting him abused and starved for ten years? No matter the excuse, the abuse, and malnutrition could be avoided with a few house calls. He deliberately allowed Harry to be abused. Anyway, if he gets in my reach, then his wand will be mine, probably several of his bones will be broken, some nuts will be cracked, and his lemon drops will go the wrong way up.

While thinking about revenge I fell asleep.

2 How to use a Patronus.

The next morning Dobby woke me up for breakfast. Quickly I washed up, brushed my teeth, and searched for the kitchen. This place is a bloody maze, I am certain that I opened some doors a few times.

"Addy? Ah, can you show me where the breakfast table is?" Addy nodded and led the way. Two doors further… Addy showed me the room, I was the last one to arrive.

"Sorry for being late, I got lost in the house and could not find you."

Madam Bones smiled at my comment: "You probably opened the door of my office, it is spelled to confuse curious, nosy little girls so that they get lost in the house for ten minutes. How did you get here so fast?"

"Well, I asked Addy to show the way. That is a good way to defend your office. Is the house also defended that way? What happens when enemies attack? For example, if death eaters find out I am living here, and want to eliminate me and your family?"

Madam Bones looked serious at my question: "When death eaters attack, the wards will hold them long enough for you to escape through the floo, and for me to call for back up. They will not get in the manor."

"There are many flaws in your defense Madam Bones, for example, there are a lot of death eaters and sympathizers at the ministry, at the moment of the attack they just have to disconnect the floo for maintenance to trap us inside this house, anti apparition and portkey wards around the house and we are served to Voldemort on a plate. Another way is a death eater in your Aurors force to get in here to stun you in the back, and they have them in your force Madam. Do I need to point out some more flaws?"

Madam Bones was stunned at my analysis: "For a boy that did not grow up in our society, you seem to know a lot, Harry. Those are the methods the death eaters used in the war before he was killed by you."

I started laughing at that comment: "Please Madam Bones, don't be silly, how in Merlin's name could I have killed Voldemort? Trow a dirty nappy at him? I can see it happening, Voldemort was killed by the Nappy of Death. A nappy, so powerful that they even could not find his body. No, I suspect my parents did a spell or some other magic, so his Avada rebounded to him. I was just the target. That magic recognized me as his killer when I claimed the title of Gaunt, is that the magic that rebounded the curse was locked in me. So did I in a way kill him?

I read about the war in some books and listened to stories from my classmates, there is so much wrong in those stories that I think there is more than one force in the wizarding world that wants to grasp for power."

Madam Bones was confused: "How do you mean Harry, there are other organizations that are against us?" I nodded, recalling the discussions between mum and grandpa, I have so many flaws to expose it isn't even funny anymore.

"Well, let's start with how Voldemort put a taboo on his name, there is nobody that could use that to our advantage? Have a single bachelor without family stand in an open field surrounded by Aurors and let him yell his name. Kill everyone that pops in, after you erect your own anti-apparition and portkey wards, when they are all killed, do it again. On one day you could have killed half of his force. After a few days, they will be afraid to even respond to that taboo.

Next, why in Merlins and Morgana's name didn't the ministry put a taboo on those three unforgivable spells? Why didn't they research ways to detect people that are under the Imperio curse? Just telling the wizards the spell is unforgivable, and that is enough? Wards to detect the mark on their arms?

And who is blocking all those solutions Madam Bones? I bet it is the same one that put me with my aunt, deliberately going against my parents' wishes."

Now, I think I have given her enough to think about. Just one more thing: "You can send messages with your Patronus, correct? How do you do that? I can do a normal one, and like to learn to send messages with them."

Madam Bones was surprised, I exposed flaws in their way of doing things, over and over, so she could not deny the facts anymore. She gathered her thoughts and responded.

Madam Bones: "To give a message with your Patronus, you just have to concentrate on the message and the person you want to send it to. Why didn't your parents used them to warn Dumbledore? Or Black? This is getting out of hand Harry, I have to go to the ministry now, and sort things out."

Quick thinking I said: "Madam Bones, let your Aurors sign a magic contract, to not be a part of an illegal organization, or one that is working to overthrow the ministry. Especially the guards of Fudge and yours. I suggest warning the other department heads. Is there a way to dispel the Imperio?"

Susan and Hannah were following the conversation, the revelations and conspiracy theories that I was explaining to them got them thinking.

Susan: "That is right aunty, if a goblet can bind a person to it just by putting your name in it, you can bind Aurors to not take part in illegal organizations."

Madam Bones: "I will look into it, Girls, Harry, it will be late today. You have given me a lot to do Harry. I hope I am on time to stop everything. I will send a rookie to act as an escort and protection." She left, we finished our breakfast in silence, each lost in their own thoughts.

Hannah: "Harry? Sorry for thinking in our second year that you were responsible for those attacks. We were scared that we were going to be next, and were looking for someone to blame. From now on you have my complete trust. Can I do something to make it up to you?" Now if this was my grandpa, he would ask for something crazy, a kiss, or some other lewd stuff. Mum always said he was an old horny geezer, he even admitted it. Looking at Hannah, I was tempted to follow gramps' example, Nah, I am fifteen years old, I had my share of girlfriends already, and was crushing on college girls a day ago.

"I would like to be your friend, Miss Hannah, yours too, miss Susan, I don't have a lot of friends out of Griffindor house, none, as a matter of fact, I can work on being your friend for this month. Although I understand if you don't want to have anything to do with me. I am a trouble magnet after all."

Susan: "We want to be your friends, and Harry, call us Susan and Hannah, or Sue and Han for short. For what it is worth, I am sorry for my second year too, we saw yesterday what you were up against, Han and I were having nightmares of it. What happened to the basilisk after that?"

"Thinking about it, that is a good question, I don't know. I guess it is still down there." Susan and Hannah looked at each other with a grin. I could swear they had galleon signs in their eyes.

Susan: "My Lord Potter, as the slayer of a basilisk you are the owner of the carcass. You can sell it for a lot of galleons. The hide alone will bring in a fortune, the venom, and teeth too. The meat is probably spoiled, or it is so magical that it is preserved. We need to have it examined by experts."

Hannah: "Oh yes, My dear Lord Slytherin, that carcass will bring in a nice profit. You can look at this as us starting our tutoring session in wizarding customs. You kill it? Then you own it, although there are some restrictions on that. People need to be in mortal danger from it, you can't go into a dragon preserve and claim the bodies after you kill them… Sue… the whole school was in mortal danger from the basilisk." Susan gasped at that comment, the consequences were dire. That was a lot to take in. I have an idea of the consequences, life debts, a favorite topic of gramps, a lot of fanfictions were using it in their stories, mostly to expand the harems. Now, are Susan and Hannah going to tell me?

Susan: "We have to ask aunty, there is a spell that can reveal it. It is too important to speculate on it, we wait for her to come home." I can live with that, she is honest, and shoved the responsibility to the adults.

"I am missing something here, but I can wait for tonight. Now, how do we sell the snake? Put an ad in the Daily Rubbish?" Yep, I am channeling grandpa on this, it is fun to do.

Hannah: "Best not in there, there are firms that deal with that kind of products. Greengrass is one of them, Daphne is in our year, we used to play a lot together before Hogwarts. Sue, can we invite her over? I bet she is at home, they usually go on holiday in July."

Susan: "Breakfast is done, we give Harry some books to read on our customs while we go to Greengrass manor, and talk to Daphne. Can you agree to this Harry?" I looked them in the eyes, searching for clues, well, I never was good at judging characters.

"Do what you think is best Susan, I must tell you, the death eaters will probably try to get support and allies. So they will first visit the Slytherins. Trust Daphne, if you want, but be wary of the adults, although Daphne's mother was in my parents' will, she will be alright too. I will stay in the library, reading the books." In the library, Susan gave me three big tomes, telling me to start with those.

I raised my eyebrow: "Are you planning to stay a week at the Greengrass mansion? Woman, do you have any bigger books? You are killing me, are there so many rules? That will take forever to learn."

Hannah: "Live with it Potter, we had to go through them too, so don't expect any pity from us." Grumbling about being bullied by beautiful girls I started reading, Susan and Hannah left with a smile on their faces. I read through the first book, the ins, and outs of the wizengamot, the responsibilities of the Lords, and the privileges that come with it. The second book was the history of the Ancient families, it provided me a lot of munition to shoot at those pureblood idiots. I searched for Fudge and Umbridge, so I have the ammo I need. The third book was about laws, now, to understand the legal terms, I need to study it for years, so I skipped it through, just reading the headlights, which reminds me to contact Mr. Tonks. In my parents' will, he was appointed as my lawyer. So I will visit Gringotts after lunch.

Addy led a guest in the library, a young woman with pink hair, the rookie I suppose, I already guessed her identity.

"Auror Tonks? Are you assigned to protect my body?"

Tonks was on high alert: "How do you know me? We never spoke to each other."

"You wound me Tonksie, you used to babysit me, I bet you even changed my nappies… You saw me naked! Did you do unspeakable things to me? Making me burp? Giving me a sponge bath? Wipe my butt?"

Tonks was confused: "How do you know that? I never told anyone this. How do you know who I am? Where are the other girls?"

I smiled: "Hold your wand Tonksie, I remember you from the first year, a puff that hexes everyone that calls her by her birth name and can change her body at will. The hair gave it away. The babysitting I heard yesterday in Gringotts in my parents' will. Congratulations, by the way, you got ten thousand galleons from dad and mum. Now, be a good babysitter and teach me the messenger Patronus."

Tonks growled at that remark: "You have to be a bit older kid, to practice magic out of school."

"Nah, Tonks, you need to be an adult. And behold, before you is standing one. Even a Lordy one" I showed the Potter ring.

"Now all that is left, is to take care of my enemies, Voldemort and Dumbledore."

Tonks was surprised: "How come is the headmaster your enemy? He is the leader of the light! He is fighting evil!"

"Well, then he can start with killing himself, he is the biggest bastard at the moment." I started to explain what he did to me, she had the decency to blush when I cursed the idiots that were guarding me last month.

"Can you imagine it, Tonks? They were taking shifts in guarding me! I only got one meal a day, had to do chores, cook, and clean. And they were enjoying the show! I have nightmares each night, and that bastard even forbids Ron and Hermione to write to me. And all the time those idiots were just looking. Last night Bill Weasley called them the order, they better leave that order, because they are my enemies now. I told my story to Madam Bones, Dumbledore's days are numbered, and anyone connected to him will go down too. I warned Bill to distance himself and his family from that old goat, I hope he warned the rest of them too." If she still wants to kiss the old man's ass after my story, then she can stuff it.

"Well Tonks, he knew Moody was an impostor, after being friends all those years, there is no way he could have missed it. Didn't Moody have some code words to determent he is the real one? Anyway, I told Madam Bones Sirius is innocent, so he will have his trial soon. Now, teach me how to do a messenger Patronus, or you can look at my body, guarding it."

I took my wand out and concentrated on my message, I cast my Patronus, hey, I am in fanfiction for sure now, it wasn't a stag, but a dragon, gramps was a fan of dragons, he put them everywhere. The Patronus gave his message: "Sirius you old dog, stop licking your balls." Dammed it was close.

Tonks was laughing: "That would scare the old dog. Concentrate more on the one you want to send the message." A good idea, my second try went great, my Patronus walked to Tonks and said: "Nymphadora I find you very sexy."

That got me on the receiving end of some stinging hexes. Dobby popped in front of me: "Missy not be hurting Master Harry Potter sir."

Tonks fumed: "Then he better don't call me sexy!" Dobby looked at her: "Missy is not sexy? Master Harry's heart is beating faster when Master is looking at missies legs, or boobs, behind, and…" that was my hand covering Dobby's mouth. He was digging my grave there."

"Sorry about that. I won't ever call you sexy again, is that better? Although that would be a lie. Alright, I won't tell to you but will tell others that you are sexy. How is that?" Dobby was saving me from her hexes.

"Sorry Tonks, I shut up and train my Patronus messenger." Soon every five minutes a Patronus left the mansion, Tonks was surprised I could handle so many, and still was going strong.

All over the country, my Patronus dragons were making waves.

At Malfoy manor Lucius got one: "Hey Lucy, does your mudblood master already knows you gave his diary away?" Well… he does now.

Wormtail was next: "Wormtail, now that you did the necromancy ritual, does it mean you are the owner of Tommy Voldemort? After all, you provided the flesh for that homunculus. Try to let him call you Master."

After a few minutes Tom got one too: "Tommy Riddle, son of a muggle and a squib, you have my respect, fooling your slaves in telling them you are a pureblood, do those idiots really believe Voldemort is a real name?" It was a bit embarrassing that the message was told in a packed room, while he was punishing Lucy and Wormtail.

Nott got the next one: "Lord Nott, did you know that once you die, all titles go to the next? Even when you come back alive?"

Crabbe Senior: "Voldemort is a mudblood, you is an idiot."

Goyle Senior: "You got branded by a mudblood."

Parkinson: "Dumbass, he even likes his snake more than all of you. Try to kill it if you dare."

Sirius: "Hey old dog, stop licking your balls."

Hermione: "Sorry Hermione, a dementor stole my first kiss, I was saving it for someone special, now it is gone."

Molly: "Don't worry Mrs. Weasley, I am safe, talk to Bill."

Fred: "Fred! I have found the way to know who is who."

George: "Less handsome twin, tell your less intelligent twin, I can tell you apart."

Ron: "ROARRR, hey Ron, how do you like my new Patronus?"

The Daily Liar: "Lord Potter, Slytherin, Griffindor, will remember the treatment he received by this corrupt gossip paper."

McGonagall: "Professor, prepare the Lord's quarters for my next term, those guys in my room snores too loud."

Moody: "Did you ask the old goat why he let you rot in your trunk? Was it for the greater good?"

Lupin: "Hey Moony, check my new Patronus out, I think my first kiss caused the change."

Susan: "Beautiful Susan, stunning Hanna, lovely ice queen, it is almost lunchtime, and I am bored. Safe me."

Snape: "Hey grease ball, did you ever try to teach? Copying a recipe on a blackboard is not teaching, it is just lazy."

Tonks: "Miss Tonks, do not hex me, but I find you are beautiful, also contact your dad, my parents appointed him as my lawyer. SEXY!"

That was fun, I got a stinger, but it was worth it.

Tonks: "You have learned the messenger Patronus, it was a perfect message. Most can't do the voice volume and just ramble the message in the same tone and volume. To whom did you send all those messages?"

When I told her, she paled: "You send one to Moody? If you ever tell him I helped you learn that spell then I will spank your ass."

"Hey, then I will report you for sexual harassment."

Tonks laughed: "Try it shorty, most of those old pervs will just make fun of you, hoping to get spanked by me too."

I gasped: "You are an SM mistress? Do you have whips and paddles? A leather outfit? Does your mum know this?" I took my wand out and closed my eyes, concentrating. Tonks jumped me, straddling me on my stomach, yelling to stop it. At that exact moment Susan, Hannah, Daphne, and Tracey came into the library. I must admit, it was a strange situation.

Susan: "Harry? Why is Tonks on top of you? If you have urges, then do it in your room." I can do that?

I grinned at Tonks: "You heard Susan, either stop or we go to my room."

Tonks: " Lord Harry Potter, if you send that Patronus to my mum, then you will find out how good I am with a whip." Too bad she stood up after that comment, it felt rather nice having her riding on top of me.

"Fine, I was only joking, telling your mum your sexual preferences is bad taste."

Tonks had steam coming out of her ears: "I am not an SM Mistress Harry. Stop telling people or I will kick your ass."

"ok, sorry Tonks I stop now."

Susan: "Harry? Are you bullying Tonks?"

I shook my head: "If we just stood up and blushed, what would you have thought? I was having some fun with Tonks, she used to babysit me, remember yesterday? It was told in my parents' will? She was threatening me with a spanking, if I told professor Moody she helped me with my Patronus. I threatened her with her mum. Hello Miss Greengrass, Miss Davis, I promise I can behave, if the situation calls for it. Now, I am not good in those noble customs, do I have to kiss your hands, or am I wrong?" Tonks started giggling, commenting this is going to be fun to watch, I gave her my stink eye.

Susan: "Only once Harry, if you are formally introduced, and you don't kiss the hand, brush it with your lips. I might as well introduce you now.

Lord Potter, may I introduce you to Heiress primary Daphne Veronica Greengrass from the Most Ancient and Most Noble House of Greengrass, and Heiress secondary Tracey Ellen Davis of the Ancient and Most Noble House of Davis. Miss Davis, Miss Greengrass, may I introduce to you, Lord Harry James Potter. Lord of the Most Ancient and Most Noble Houses of Potter, Slytherin and Griffindor, Lord of the House of Gaunt."

I brushed the hands: "Ladies, I am glad we only have to do this once, imagine going through that every time, you will waste hours of your life. If you want, you can call me Harry, I consider the friends of Susan and Hannah, as my friends as well."

Daphne: "You are right Sue, he needs tutoring in our ways before he causes blood feuds."

Tracey: "Looking at miss Tonks, he is almost there." I swallowed, glancing at Tonks. She huffed and looked the other way.

"ok, I admit my ignorance, how do I correct this situation? I never wanted to insult Miss Tonks. Tonks? Please forgive me?"

Daphne: "You suggested to inform her mother that miss Tonks has sexual preferences that are not common, so smudging her honor. She can ask for compensation to appease her sense of honor. It can be monetary, a job or goods, or even marriage. Remember Lord Potter, in the wizarding world, a girl's most precious thing is her honor. We are a small community, and starting rumors that can ruin our reputation, reducing the chances on a good match, that can get you killed."

I nodded, finally understanding: "Miss Tonks, I realize now what I did wrong, you may ask for any compensation to get over the insult. If I may suggest, I can ask Sirius to welcome you back into House Black, but saying it out loud, made me realize you can ask that to Sirius yourself and he will do it. So ask away."

Tonks: "Anything? Even marriage?" I swallowed: "Even marriage." Now I only hope Daphne wasn't trolling me about honor and stuff.

Tonks: "I will think things over, Lord Potter."

Hannah: "Good, Harry, to whom did you send messages? Be glad we were alone in Daphne's room when it came in, and I already told Daphne you need tutoring in our customs." I summed the messages up, with every name the girls paled more and more.

Tracey: "Sweat Morgana's dirty underwear, we are looking at a corpse, he does not know it yet, but he is dead."

Daphne: "Miss Tonks, I suggest a marriage, you would be a wealthy widow. Just don't stand next to him when they come after him."

That was not funny: "Hey! She was appointed to protect me, so she has to stay next to me. Alright Tonks, Griffindor? Potter? Gaunt? Any takers for Slytherin?" The words were only a second out of my mouth when I realized my mistake. I was in a harem fanfiction, so offering a marriage was a red flag. Worse, I was in gramps fanfiction, he raked them in with the dozen.

The eyes of Daphne and Tracey were shining.

Susan: "Harry? Did you read the book about our laws?" Dazed I looked at her, is she serious?

"Susan, that book is a foot thick! Of course, I did not read it. I just skimmed the contents."

Daphne: "Lord Potter, you, as a head of four Houses, offered negotiations to all girls present, for a marriage contract. You are a Lord, so everything you say has weight. As for me, I want to accept an offer for a consort contract, so that my children will be of House Greengrass."

Tracey: "Personally, I had an agreement with Daphne to be the main wife, so she can continue her line. I want to accept your offer for House Slytherin Lord potter. I bet Daphne wants to be consort Slytherin." Crap, me and my big mouth. How do I escape? I looked at Susan for help.

Susan: "Hannah and I have the same agreement, she as the main wife, me for consort. Harry, if you are serious, then Hannah and I will take your offer. We saw what you did at Gringotts, and told it to Daphne and Tracey. I doubt we will find someone better. We like to be in House Potter if you want us." Crap, gramps is screwing with me. Can I say I don't want you? Those four are bloody gorgeous. Tonks was looking at those four, feeling her chances slipping away.

Tonks: "I decided, Griffindor for me Lord Potter." I resigned in my fate, I am the main character in a harem story, so I doubt I can escape. So let's go with the flow.

"Alright, remember, I have not a clue how to proceed. Personally, I want to accept you all, but are the parents not needed for this? Tonks? Your dad is supposed to be my lawyer. Girls? What is the next step?"

Addy: "That be lunch Lord Potter, everything is already on the table."

At lunch Daphne commented on my Patronus: "That is a very impressive Patronus you have Lord Potter. Did you know that the animagus of a person is usually the same as their Patronus? The odds to have a magical animagus form are astronomically small. But you have a chance to have one.

"

"Please, call me Harry, if you intend to marry me, then you can start with calling me by my first name. I did not know the animagus form is usually the same as the Patronus, I do know the Patronus form can change sometimes, mostly lovers that change their animals, my dad had a stag, my mum's changed into a doe. Do some of you have a Patronus?"

Tonks: "That is Newt material Harry, I am surprised you can do that already."

I shrugged: "Been doing it since the third year. It is not that hard to learn to be honest. They say focus on a happy memory, but it is focusing on the emotions of that happy memory. Once you got that, the rest is easy. It even doesn't have to be a memory, a happy emotion is fine too, although a bit harder." The girls were paying attention.

"Tonks, I am curious, the trace, does it know who does magic? How does it know if you are an adult or not? Olivander put a timer on it? I have been doing magic for hours, and not one owl came."

Tonks: "The trace, does not monitor the magical houses, that takes too much magic, also the wards will shield the children from detection. Never tell anyone I told you that."

Hannah: "So we can practice here? That is fantastic!"

Tonks: "The reason we don't tell the children, is if they are practicing alone and accidents happen, they could be dead before anyone notices it. So if you decide to practice, make sure there is someone around. Harry, you did ask this, so they are going to practice the Patronus, don't you?"

"Guilty, Tonks, now that Volly is back, the death eaters from Askaban are going to be set free by Volly. The dementors will follow him also, he will promise them free reign in Britain, so why would they stay on an island sucking a few hundred peoples happiness, when there are fifty-six million people in Britain."

Daphne nodded: "Susan showed some memories to dad, the graveyard scene was horrifying. Dad activated our war wards after witnessing it. He told me he was planning to match Astoria to House Malfoy, but there is no way in the seven hells he will sell her to those maniacs. He was grateful for the memory, and is warning his allies for things to come." Lunch was soon over. I need to visit Gringotts, and told the girls so.

Susan: "That is fine Harry, we will visit our parents, and I will talk to aunty when she gets home. Ask the goblins for advice and ask your lawyer to come." I was thinking of something different.

"Dobby, Winky, Addy, and Biddy can I ask you something? You can not use violence on humans, is that correct?" Addy nodded: "That is correct Lord Potter, we are oath-bound to never harm any human."

"But, you can clean everything from a magical person, clothes and stuff?"

Addy: "Yes, Lord Potter, we can clean everything from wizards and witches."

"Alright, If some wizards and witches are trying to get into the wards, especially when they are wearing masks, I want you to wash their clothes, make certain that all nic-nacs are removed from their bodies, for example, portkey's and potions, then those wizards are bringing firewood with them, just collect it and throw it into the fireplace. I guess standing outside in their underwear is a bit cold, so wrap some blankets around their bodies. Make sure the blankets stay on, so tie some ropes on them so it does not fall off.

As with all good elves, it is normal that the guests don't see you. If you do it that way, Madam Bones will be happy that she has clean guests. Can you do this for us? It will make miss Susan and miss Hannah happy too." The girls were watching me corrupt four completely normal… three completely normal elves and turn them into sentinels. Daphne was going over the loopholes I exploited, the terms I used for their tasks were well inside their job description.

Daphne: "Tracey, these are good elves, let us instruct our elves to do the same. Lord Potter, Harry, we will talk to our parents about your offer, we watched the events of the graveyard, and in the Chamber of Secrets. They will not object. Can You provide the original memories for us? So my dad can show it to his contacts." Sure why not, more things to screw canon sideways… although I have yet to experience the screwing, I never got further than a hand job. But… with five potential wives, there is bound to be some action. I provided the memories and put them in some vials. Happy they said goodbye and left. Susan and Hannah went to the Abbot house.

I looked at Tonks and asked: "What happened just now? Did we get conned by four girls? Don't get me wrong, they are very beautiful and smart, so are you by the way, but it feels they steered me in that direction."

Tonks: "Get used to it Harry, it is still better than getting to look for one yourself"

"Alright, I get it, I am off to Gringotts, do you want to come along sweetheart? Aw, not a good name? How about sugar? Honey? Alright, alright no sugary stuff, so Love? Darling? Tell me one yourself then."

Dobby and Winky popped us at Gringots' doorstep. Tonks sent a Patronus to her dad, and we got in. At a teller, I asked for a meeting with Skinscraper.

In Skinscraper's office, he asked what he could do for me.

"Well… can I present to you, my fiancee Tonks, no first name. Aiming for Lady Griffindor. The two lovely girls that were with Madam Bones, Susan Bones, and Hannah Abbot, are interested to be Lady and consort Potter. At lunch, miss Daphne Greengrass and miss Tracey Davis were visiting and showed interest in Slytherin House. Miss Bones and miss Greengrass are for the consort position so they can continue their Houses. Well. I am now curious that I can support them, do I have properties? Businesses? Shares in shops? Do I have money?"

Skinscraper: "Lord Potter, on your suggestion we examined the vaults of Bellatrix Lestrange, we found another abomination, we put the contents of that vault in yours, minus a twenty percent penalty of course. If it is possible to bring Lord Black in here, then we can hurt that organization."

I looked at Tonks: "Bring him here love, put some disguise on him and ask Dobby to pop him here. Yes, I know, you are in that silly order, the blushing gave it away. Skinscraper, can Dobby pop him right inside here?" After a nod, Tonks disappeared.

"She has asked for her father to come. Ted Tonks was supposed to be my guardian and lawyer. Now tell me, are there surprises waiting for me? Hidden marriage contracts?" I cant trust gramps, he is throwing wives in the story from all sides. I am only here for one day and have already five fiancees.

Skinscraper: "No Lord Potter, no marriage contracts. Here is the list of properties, most of them are rented out, two require repairs. The property that you are interested in is the Manor in Wales, there are traces of burglary, for some reason the elves transferred to the Vineyard in France. The manor in Wales is now guarded by... I believe family, you will see for yourselves. There is also a ranch in Texas. I believe you will be interested to know, you have twenty percent shares in the Daily Prophet. Here is the sheet with the vault's contents."

Potter head vault

32.706.000 Galleons

5450 sickles

1200 knuts

Family jewelry worth 3.000.000 Galleons

Several books, artifacts, and paintings

25 trunks with unidentified contents

Potter trust vault

2500 Galleons

refilled on birthday till 10.000 Galleons

Evans Lily vault

600.800 Galleons

350 sickles

50 knuts

5 trunks with unidentified content

Peverell heirloom vault

Several books and paintings and artifacts

opens only for the worthy heir.

Gryffindor vault

80.000 Galleons

Several books and heirlooms, spelled to return after death

10 trunks with unidentified contents

Grimoire

Slytherin vault

1.800.750 Galleons

Several books, spelled to return after death

Grimoire

Gaunt vault

10 books spelled to return after dead

OK… the Lestrange vault added to mine… feels nice, I have to send a Patronus to thank her. I knew in gramps fanfiction there were only twelve million galleons, so getting twenty more, I will thank her every day, it is the least I can do.

"Are there loans that need paying or debts to our house? Or was dad giving his fortune away?"

Skinscraper: "House Potter has 5 big loans outstanding, 1.000.000 to Dumbledore, 5.000.000 Galleons to the ministry, and 500.000 to the order of the phoenix. No payments are being made after 1981."

"Alright, go after Dumbledore, take all he has, the interests and penalties upped to the maximum you can get. While in his vault, check for Potter Heirlooms, those elves went to France for a reason. Go for the Order too, if Dumbledore was responsible for the finances then skin him too. But I suspect he has a patsy to take the blame."

Tonks senior came in, after the greeting we let him read the will. Tonks cursed like a sailor, swearing he will go after that old bastard for every knut he has. We showed the loan he has at House Potter, Tonks got a scary grin on his face.

Dobby popped in with Tonksie and Sirius. Without saying a word Tonks gave the will to Sirius, the anger on Sirius's face was telling he found out who was responsible for his stay in Askaban.

"Skinscraper, can you get a healer here? I suspect that Sirius has potions and compulsions on him."

The fury of Sirius was visible, he was practically glowing.

"Sirius, You need to claim your Lordship today. It will help against both enemies, I already convinced Madam Bones of your innocence, I showed my memory of what happened in that graveyard. I will summon Arthur Weasley to bear witness to your claim. Skinscraper, can I cast a messenger Patronus to summon Lord Weasley?" After a nod, I sent it on his way.

Sirius: "Harry, this is bad, what else has that man done to us? I do know I am kicking the order out today."

"Sirius, hold on to the punishment of the Weasleys, I think Dumbledore has them cornered with the student scholarships, there is no way Arthur can afford to send seven children to Hogwarts, without some fishy manipulation from Dumbels. Then we have the naive ones, Tonksie for example. I do think that Ron is told to guide me, and shield me from other houses. Although, if he is told to do that, or being homeschooled, then the choice is obvious. Hermione was added after I saved her from a mountain troll. I think she is not spying for the goat. The twins are alright."

"Skinscraper, can you give me the account statement from my trust vault for the last ten years?"

Skinscraper: "I have them here from the day it was made." We soon found out who was paying the scholarships of the Weasleys. The amount of the redraws matched perfectly with the number of Weasley kids at Hogwarts.

Sirius: "Account manager Skinscraper, can you ask the Black account manager to come here please? I have a feeling we need to shake the wizarding world."

Meanwhile, Tonks and Tonksie were whispering to each other, I guess the marriage came up. I am not that eager to marry, but if it means banging five wives... hey, I am a teenager, and being horny is in my genes, I am told. Also, I doubt this is real, this is gramps fanfiction for fucks sake. I don't know what will happen, but this one will have his cherry popped... five times in a row.

The Goblin healer came in, we explained the situation, and the old Goblin started waving his dagger at Sirius. He frowned, waved again, looking angry, waving some more he began swearing-in… there is no way they name their language Gobbilyletoot? Gobbblegook? Fuck it, I call it Gobby… no that sounds like a house-elf. Fuck everyone, he started swearing in his language. After an angry conversation with Skinscraper, he left.

Skinscraper: "Mister Black, you can not claim your Lordship, a few years ago, they gave you a potion that sterilized you, you are unable to produce an heir. There are several compulsions on your body, and a loyalty potion on an alchemy base, I suggest you appoint an heir, the next in line is Malfoy junior. Our healer is getting the flushing potions, to get everything out of your system, you can not appoint an heir under the influence of potions."

"What if he blood adopt an Heir? I mean, everyone is better than Draco Malfoy. It will probably end up in Voldemort's pockets"

Sirius: "Harry, I named you my Heir, the day I was made to be your godfather. With the war going on we all had made our wills, I even blood adopted you. I knew grandfather did not kick me out of the family, no matter what my mother claimed." Crap, there is a trap in there, I just know it.

"Master Tonks? As my lawyer, do you have any advice? Make Tonksie Lady Black?"

Tonksie jumped into my arms: "You do that for me? Do you really want me? Please don't tell me you are joking."

"I mean it Tonksie, I would be crazy to reject a stunning beauty like you. I am a teenager remember? You are fun to be with, powerful, did I already said beautiful?"

Sirius was stunned: "Huh? What in Merlin's name happened? You were with Tonks? When?"

Tonks Senior: "I like to know that too."

"Well, Madam Bones appointed Tonksie as my bodyguard today, she taught me to do the messenger Patronus. I was joking around with Tonksie, but I got her upset. Then the Girls ganged up on me, now I have a fiancee, and four parents will be negotiating contracts soon. I don't know how it exactly happened. Like I said, I am a teenager, so getting five girls… four girls and one woman, is a dream come through.

To be honest, five beautiful, smart women want to marry me. Sirius, they want Me, they saw what I did in the graveyard and the Chamber of Secrets, and they still want me. Most would run away screaming. I never had anyone wanting me, so they will be my first priority. I am not kidding myself that this is love, but I will try my best for it." Tonksie was still clinging to me. I am not complaining about it though.

The healer came back with some vials, Sirius was led to the restrooms to flush everything out. The Black account manager came in, a fast conversation in Gobbelyglook?... their language, made him approach me.

Black manager: "Lord Potter, Skinscraper informed me that you have a high chance to become Lord Black, my name is Blackdagger, and hope to continue to run the account."

"I hope so too Black dagger, I need skilled advisers. I just hope the ring accepts me."

Arthur Weasley came in, surprised with the persons present, and Tonksie still hanging on my arm.

Arthur: "Harry? Why did you call me in here? We were looking all over Britain for you."

"Lord Weasley, I called you here as a ministry witness to a Lord claiming, a claim for House Black. You don't have to look for me anymore, I am emancipated, and don't need babysitters telling me what to do. Blackdagger, do you have a Goblin witness? Or will the healer act as one?"

Blackdagger: "The healer is well respected, and will act as a witness Lord Potter."

"Excellent, now, Lord Weasley, did you have a talk with Bill? I am serious about Dumbledore, that scum will suffer for his crimes."

Arthur: "Harry, we can't abandon him, there are things that bind us to him."

I smiled sadly: "Those binds came out of my trust vault Mr. Weasley. Those scholarships? Just a trick to gain some slaves, who are happy to serve their benefactor. Am I right?"

Arthur: "He stole from you? Oh, Merlins' dirty underwear! He stole from you? He gave your money to us, claiming that it was from his private account. We were so grateful, we would kiss the ground he walked on. What are we going to do now? I can't afford to pay it all back!"

Tonks: "Arthur, you did not steal a knut. Dumbledore did steal it, we are going to demand it back from Dumbledore. Whoever received that money is of no concern to us. The thief is Dumbledore."

"I told Bill, that I will pay for your kids' education. This time the money is legit, you even don't need to pay it back. You were the first family that made me feel welcome. If someone wants to pay it back, there will be no interest on it."

Sirius came back in, a bit unsteady, but looking better.

Arthur walked to him: "Sirius, Dumbledore stole from Harry! He told me it was from a private account! My boys were going to school, paid with stolen money! I know we are at the bottom of society, but we were proud, to be honest, and honorable. I can never hold my head up again after this shame."

Tonks: "Arthur, as Lord Potter said, the crimes of Dumbledore are not yours, he exploited a weakness, to have grateful helpers, eager to do his bidding. Just cut ties with him, he will go down soon. Now we have to get ready for the claiming of Lord Black."

Blackdagger: "Lord Potter if you are ready? Claim it in your own words."

"I, Harry James Potter, Lord of House Potter, Griffindor, Slytherin, and Gaunt, claim hereby the Lordship of House Black by blood. Let the magic be the judge of me!" After a few tense moments, and the ring appeared on my finger.

I looked at Tonksie: "Dear, you don't even have to ask. Skinscraper, Blackdagger, I want to do some declarations if you will allow it. Thank you, I Harry James Potter, Lord of House Black, take Andromeda? Drucilla Tonks, back into House Black. Her husband and daughter are welcomed in House Black, her dowry and allowances will be given from the date of marriage. Sirius, what do I do with Narcissa and Bellatrix?"

Sirius: "Look at their contracts first, if they are breached, you can reclaim their dowry, also check for debts due to House Black, Tonks? Any words?"

Tonks: "Also check for outstanding contracts with House Black. Manager Blackdagger can you gather this info?"

Blackdagger: "It will take ten minutes."

I looked at Tonks Senior: "Master Tonks, I would be honored to have your daughter as my Lady Black, can we discuss this with my godfather as a witness?" I was channeling several fanfictions now, it sounds a bit pompous, but I want to impress the in-laws… Crap, I am only fifteen, I have yet to receive my first kiss from her, and am negotiating for our marriage? Dammed grandpa, this fanfic is killing me.

Tonks: "I would like it too, but my wife will never forgive me if she is not involved. She is very protective of Nymphadora."

Sirius smiled at that: "No problem Ted, after I kick the order out of my house we will talk at home. Don't worry Arthur, you and your family are welcome to stay."

"Master Tonks, there will be talks of contracts with House Bones, Abbot, Greengrass, and Davis. Those four girls of my age have let me know to be interested in marriage. Bones and Abbot for House Potter, Greengrass, and Davis for House Slytherin." Arthur looked like a kid standing in line for free candy.

Mr. Weasley: "Lord Potter, I would be honored if you would consider my daughter for House Griffindor. Ginny is from a young age eager to be the wife of Harry Potter." Crap! I knew it! This is the plot forcing his way in. There is no way to refuse him, not without humiliating his family.

"Lord Weasley, to be honest, Ginny is smart, beautiful, and I noticed she has a crush on me. Any guy would be lucky to have her, me included. But first, ask her if she is ready to share me with five others. I am happy to accept her as a wife, but she will not be the only one. Even I don't know how this is going to work. Until yesterday my main worry was to have at least once a day some food, for me and Hedwig." Man, my head hurts, pretending to be a Lord is exhausting. Fun for a while, but still a pain in the ass.

Blackdagger returned with the paperwork, In grandpa's story, the Carrow twins have a contract, I am curious who will be the victims. Probably me. We looked over the contracts, Lestrange failed to produce a child with Bella, failed to pay the loan back. They had the nerve to loan several million galleons, the ones that are in my vaults now. Narcissa produced an heir, but like Bella, loaned several million without paying a knut back, it seems both had already cut the cake and divided it among themselves.

"Blackdagger? Do I have enough proof of crimes against House Black? They deserve to be kicked out, do you agree?"

Blackdagger: "Yes Lord Black, but the decision is yours." I know Narcissa loves Draco, she would betray Voldy for him, too bad Draco is a pain in the ass. Bella doesn't need to be thought over, the bitch is toast.

First I reclaimed the loans, with the penalties for not paying on time, I confiscated the vaults and properties from House Lestrange, then I did the same with Malfoy, I gave him a week time to pay for the loan, but the penalties and interest for all those years would be taken from his vaults. Next, I dissolved the marriage of Bellatrix, for failing to fulfill the contract, and claimed the dowry back. Narcissa could have her husband, I just kicked her and junior out. It felt good kicking junior death eater out of the family. I smirked at Tonksie and commented we have to speed the baby-making up for an Heir. I got a smack to my arm for that, figures, starting to talk about babies before the first kiss, is a big turn-off.

"Next, The Daily Liar, do House Black have shares? I want to put a muzzle on that paper. Then, do any death eaters have loans to house Black? I want to bleed them dry."

Blackdagger: "twenty percent of the Daily Prophet, Lord Black. No outstanding loans, they have them with house Malfoy, the only thing left is a marriage contract that you just activated. You just made yourself the last in your line of House Black." Crap, the plot is screwing me over.

I winched: "Alright, tell me about it." Sirius was grinning, wife number seven was on the way.

Blackdagger: "A contract is activated when House Black has only one male Heir, it is with House Greengrass." Bloody hell, Daphne is going to be mad.