Neil rung the doorbell on apartment number 375, before shoving his hand back into his coat pocket, savoring the sweet vindication of finally getting to see this place, despite her refusals to invite him over in the past. He would love to get out of this chill, though. The evening air turned his breath into plumes of condensation, and he shivered. Cold weather never appealed to him.
Roxanne Winters, on the other hand, wearing nothing over her chiffon pink, knee-length dress, stretched out her bare arms and yawned.
"I didn't realize she lived so far out of your way, Neil," said Roxie. "If I knew the drive was going to be so long, I would've brought my own tunes to listen to."
"Hey, my car, my music. What planet do you live on?" said Neil. If Roxie didn't say everything with such convincingly sweet innocence, Neil would've pegged her as a passive-aggressive twat.
"Somewhere with decent music, apparently," chuckled Eddie Doyle. "Wherever it is, I'd rather be there! The kind of drivel you listen to, Neil, is just...mind-numbingly atrocious."
"Your suspenders are mind-numbingly atrocious. AY-YO!" Neil reserved his stupidest comebacks for Eddie, the youngest and most easily flappable member of the crew. Eddie liked to present himself to his superiors as well-read and articulate by speaking with unnecessary verbal acrobatics without the social skills to use them effectively. He was an insufferable tool during his internship, then dropped the pretense when people caught onto him. Neil, in particular, who considered himself the office's unrivaled master of verbal warfare, could spot overcompensation a mile away. Eddie may talk big, but underneath that stupid beret of his, he was "a few Bradys short of a bunch," as Neil would often say, basking in his own wit. Nowadays, Eddie is simply a loveable, gullible lug, who wants nothing more than to impress people, even if that means making an utter fool of himself, the poor chap.
But dear lord, the suspenders! Eddie's bright honking yellow suspenders over his sea-green shirt left impressions in Neil's vision whenever he looked away. Eddie's trademark beret looked woefully out of place, but Eddie wasn't Eddie without it. He had an annoying habit of cocking his beret slightly askew to give himself a jaunty air.
"I don't think you're ready for this Eddie, Neil," Eddie said, swinging his hips.
"Stop. Stop gyrating. Stop it!" said Neil, shielding his eyes. Roxie pumped her fist. "Yeah! You show 'em Eddie!" she cheered.
"Hey, don't forget who's driving so you little punks could get wasted. You both owe me a meal," said Neil, ringing the doorbell again. "Eva! Let's go!" he called.
Someone's phone went off. Roxie rummaged through her tiny matching pink purse and pulled out her phone.
"Hello?...Oh, hey Eva! Yeah, we're right outside and raring to go! Are you...What?" Roxie's face fell a little. Neil and Eddie watched as her facial expressions fluctuated all over the place.
"Oh...Oh dear," Roxie mumbled. "Eva, I'm so sorry."
Neil started to feel a prickle of concern. Roxie furrowed her brow. "That is a toughie. But don't you worry, okay? I'm right here for you. Just breathe. Now, have you tried using a hair straightener?"
"Oh for the love of God, Eva, we're freezing out here!" Neil yelled into the phone. Roxie swatted him on the arm.
"Shush, you!" hissed Roxie. "Eva, honey, I know this is probably the last thing you want to hear, but you should probably let this big baby inside before he freezes his poor little head."
Neil grimaced at Roxie. "Not. Cool." he mouthed. An eruption of panic squeaking from the phone cut off Roxie's retort.
"Eva. Eva. Eva. It's okay. Calm down. I'll come in there and help you, and the boys can stay in the living room, how's that?"
"What's the matter? Some kind of wardrobe malfunction?" asked Eddie.
"Involving a hair straightener? The hell are you imagining?" snarked Neil.
Roxie hung up the phone. "Listen, could you two perhaps...turn around?"
"What?"
"Eva doesn't want to be seen by you two," explained Roxie, awkwardly.
"Wh - No, that's ridiculous," snapped Neil. He banged on the door. "Eva! Just let us in!"
"The sooner you avert your gaze, the sooner you go in," said Roxie.
Eddie gave Neil a shrug and turned to stare at the street.
"You're not averting, Neil," chirped Roxie, clearly enjoying this.
Neil stared daggers at her before turning his back. The moment he did, he heard the door unlock and creak open behind him.
"Hi everyone," came Eva's hushed, panicky voice. "I'm SO sorry about this!"
"Ohhh..." groaned Roxie "Oh, dear. Eva..."
"It looks bad, I know. C'mon, hurry. Inside. Before my neighbors see."
"What're we supposed to do? Moonwalk into your apartment?" grumbled Neil.
"C'mere, you two," said Roxie, impatiently. "Just get into your room, Eva. I'll see you there." She grabbed Neil's and Eddie's elbows and guided them inside the apartment. Neil nearly tripped on the threshold on the way in.
Roxie closed the door in front of their faces. Neil could hear Eva's nervous footsteps retreat behind him. A door shut.
"Alright, fellas. You're both such brave little boys. You may sit on the couch now." Neil could hear the smirk in Roxie's voice.
So this was Eva's apartment, huh? Neil had tried inviting himself to her place on countless occasions, but she always turned him down. So inhospitable. What a waste of such a cozy-looking place, thought Neil. He sat down on a handsome couch; Eddie on a matching armchair across from him. There was Eva's favorite fern, named Flopsy, in the corner. In the opposite corner stood a mahogony bookshelf lined with titles like "30 Days to a New You", "From Garden to Table - Never Shop for Produce Again!", "Flegel Flannigan: The Genius, The Madman, The B-Movie Director - A Memoir".
The entire bottom shelf was lined with Eva's favorite book series (and not-so-guilty pleasure) about a 10-of-spades card who falls in love with a 3-of-hearts, and they go off on these marvelous adventures together with their card friends to save their respective suit kingdoms from the dastardly despotic ruler, the Ace of Spades. Neil remembered the day Eva came to work with her eyes red and puffy. Turns out her favorite character, the Jack of Hearts, had been killed off in the latest installment. She could barely function for a week.
There were pictures hanging in frames on the wall filled with people he knew and people he didn't. There was Traci, Eva's older sister. There was Eva's nephew, Jamie, as a baby. There were Eva's parents, Don and Pauline, beaming next to Eva clad in cap, gown, and suma cum laude sash. There was Craig, Eva's ex-boyfriend from college, who was now one of her best friends. Neil turned his attention away, and looked over his shoulder.
Ah, those must be the rest of Eva's "family" as she called them. Out on the balcony sat an explosion of greenery. Eva's vegetable garden - her pride and joy. Not even the dead of winter could deter Eva from growing her winter vegetables.
"I'm surprised this is your first time here," remarked Eddie, always uncomfortable with prolonged silences. "I thought you two hung out outside of work."
"We'd grab the occasional coffee at The Cream Pot, and talk smack about all of you. But other than that, not so much. My car's too old to handle that drive too often."
"Ah, gotcha," said Eddie. He drummed a rhythmless beat on the arm of his chair. "You know, I always thought the two of you were...You know."
Neil gave Eddie such a threatening look, that Eddie shrank a little in his chair.
Another silence.
"...So are the two of you dating?"
"Oh, for the love of...!" Neil stood up, marched to the bedroom door, and pounded on it. "Are you girls ready yet? When Robert asks us why we were late to the dinner, I'm throwing all of you under the bus!"
"Neil, just...Just hold on for a sec, ok?" said Eva. "This may take awhile."
"We don't have a while," said Neil. "Are you even dressed yet?"
"I'm already dressed, it's just - "
Neil opened the door.
Nobody moved as they gaped at each other. There, sitting in a chair in front of a mirror, sat a creature he could scarcely recognize as his partner, dressed in a deep purple ankle-length dress. Sitting atop Eva's horrified face was a crumpled, amorphous tumbleweed of black hair, with a few plastic curlers tangled hopelessly like flies in a spider web. A curly tendril of what used to be Eva's perfectly normal bangs, hung like a bouncy grape vine in front of her face. Roxie stood next to her wielding a hair straightener, looking like Hercules doing battle with the Hydra.
Nobody said a word for a beat. Neil took out his phone and snapped a picture.
"Neil!" screeched Eva, rising from her chair.
Roxie forced her back down, holding the hot hair straightener away. "Easy! Easy there, tiger!"
Neil had so many jokes competing for his attention in his head that for a moment he just stood there with pursed lips. He could not look away from that monstrosity on dear ol' dignified Eva's head.
"So, uh...heh," said Neil, summoning all his willpower to maintain his composure, "Did a giant cat cough up a hairball, or did you...Pff, you know what? I can't." Neil dissolved into such a fit of laughter, he had to lean against the door frame.
Eddie scampered over. "Is everything ok holy mackerel that's hideous!" Eva face palmed.
"Eva...What did you do to yourself?" asked Eddie, aghast, taking tentative steps into the room, while Neil removed his glasses to wipe his eyes amid gales of laughter.
Eva refused to look at them. "I tried to curl my hair, okay? I'm just...not very good at this sort of thing." Neil snorted. Eva glared daggers at him.
"It's okay, sweetie, you've got me," placated Roxie. "What're friends for, right? We can still salvage this."
"It's not okay, Roxie!" Eva despaired. "If I show up looking like Medusa, no one's going to let me live this down!"
"Oh, don't you worry about that, dearie," snickered Neil, "I've got that base covered for life." Eva chucked a bottle of hair spray at him.
Neil's phone rang in his pocket. "Let me guess, that's..." He fished out his phone. "...dear ol' Robby! I wonder what he could possibly be calling about!"
He picked up the call. "Hey there, Robalicious. Whatcha wearing?"
"...Inappropriate, Neil," said Robert. "Our table just got called in. Where the hell are you guys?"
Neil glanced at Eva, her eyes boring a silent death threat into his. "We've run into a bit of a snafu," he said. "It's a long story. But we WILL be there eventually, so save us some appetizers. Oh, get us the crab rangoons, will you? They're supposed to be the best in - "
"If you don't show up in the next 20 minutes, you're all paying your own bills." Robert hung up.
"Well, that takes care of that. Carry on, ladies." said Neil, returning his phone to his pocket. He removed his coat, tossed it on Eva's bed (ignoring Eva's protests), and evaluated his own appearance in her full length mirror on her wardrobe. He had to admit; he looked pretty sharp. He had on his favorite navy blue collared shirt with a black patterned tie, and the nicest pair of jeans he could scrounge up from his closet.
"Hey, Eva. Who's this guy you're with?" said Eddie, picking up a framed photo from her bedside table.
"Hey! Can we not mess with my personal possessions, please?" snapped Eva, as Roxie resumed attempting to fix her hair.
"Sorry, sorry," Eddie returned the photo to the bedside table. "So who IS that guy?"
Eva groaned. "That's...an old friend of mine. We went to Excalibur Peak last weekend."
Neil, suddenly with piqued curiosity, peered at the photo. There was Eva, alight with happiness, standing on what looked to be a hiking trail overlooking the city. And there standing next to her, with his arm around her waist was...
"Craig..." said Neil, almost to himself. It sounded like Eddie was asking who Craig was, but Neil hardly heard him. The bottom of Neil's gut swirled with something poisonous. Suddenly, he felt oddly alone.
"...friends, for all intents and purposes," Eva was saying, in a measured tone. "He was in town this past weekend, so we went hiking. I hadn't seen him in months, after all, and he was flying back to Canada the next day, so I made sure to clear my schedule for this. We got an old couple to take our picture at our favorite spot."
"Whoa, you two have a Spot?" said Roxie enviously, moving on to another layer of hair. "That's so sweet!"
"That's it! I'm picking out a Spot for my future girlfriend and I!" declared Eddie.
"Well, it's not like we went location scouting back when we were dating," said Eva, grinning in spite of herself. "That place just happened to mean a lot to us."
Neil hesitated, before turning to Eva. "So are you two still...?"
No. He'd rather not ask that. He'd much rather not hear Eva give the answer when it was already beaming up at him from that picture frame.
"Still what?" asked Eva.
Neil sighed. "Are you two still trying to fix that travesty of a hairdo on your head? Rob said that we'd have to pay for our own meals if we're late. Which we most definitely are at this point."
"I'm going as fast as I can, Neil," said Roxie. "But you're gonna have to be patient. Besides, I don't know what you're complaining about. We owe you a meal for being our designated driver anyway, remember?"
"Well, if you're really offering to shell out fifty bucks for my dinner, I won't say no. But anywho..." Neil stood up and stretched. "The smell of that hairspray's getting to my head. I'm going to step outside to get some fresh air."
"What?" said Roxie. "After all that fuss you made about coming inside in the first place?"
Neil buttoned up his coat without answering.
"Neil, is something wrong?" asked Eva.
"Nothing's wrong," said Neil, not looking at her. "I just need to clear my head...You know, from the fumes."
He left the bedroom. As he shut the door behind him, he could hear Eva's muffled voice, "I haven't even used any hair spray yet..." Neil crossed the living room, and exited the apartment.
The chilly evening air bit at his face immediately. A breeze had picked up. He hustled to his car, got in, and locked the doors. Switched on the heater. And took a deep breath.
Silence. Except for the occasional passing car.
This shouldn't be happening. He shouldn't have reacted like that. Now they'd all be speculating about what his deal was, which could cause all kinds of irreparable damage. But none of them would know what his deal was. Not even he knew.
So what if Eva and Craig were still friends after their relationship went to hell? Really, big whoop. The guy couldn't pour water out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel. Sure, Craig was Mr. Civil Engineer and all, and yes, he and Eva had so much in common they were practically siblings -
Stop it, Neil, he thought, putting his head in his hands. It's not Eva's fault that he's alone. In fact, Neil enjoyed his solitude too much to forfeit it for a trifle like companionship. Why encumber your life with more work and responsibilities by bringing more people into it? What's the point of hanging on to people after they've left you? Sure, Neil's had a couple buddies sporadically throughout his life, but when circumstances change, he cuts them out and moves on without a backwards glance. It was always best to pre-emptively leave people before they leave him. Consequently, no one has stuck around for very long.
So why has Eva been his exception for over 10 years? How did he - someone who values his personal space above all things - find himself wanting to be important to her? Why did she stay? Out of pity? Because she knew he was alone, and felt sorry for him? Neil sure felt sorry for her. All she wanted was to be his friend. It just so happened that staying her friend required shutting her out from certain details about his personal life.
He gave a mirthless laugh. He keeps Eva out of his personal life to keep her in his personal life. What did he want? What on God's green earth did he want? Whatever it was, he didn't want to lose it; Eva's been one of the few people he could tolerate.
Yet, now Eva's with Craig - clearing her schedule to be with her best friend, who flew all the way from Canada just to visit. That's what best friends do, right? Neil surely didn't fit the bill. Didn't he say himself that he wasn't willing to make the one-hour drive to her house all that often? Yes, that's what he said. But if he were being 110% honest with himself...
Tap tap tap.
Neil was startled so bad, he banged his knee against the steering wheel. He cursed and peered through the frosted passenger window, rubbing his knee.
"Can I come in?" asked Eva, tentatively. Her hair was detangled and straighter, but it still swerved haphazardly in all directions. She still had that springy curl on her forehead.
Neil didn't move. If she was just going to lecture him about his behavior back there...
She was shivering; the idiot didn't bring a coat. He sighed, and unlocked the car door. Eva gratefully climbed in the passenger seat, rubbing her hands together. "Oohh heater! Lovely heater!"
Neil didn't say anything. He simply stared fixedly at the stop sign ahead of them. Neither of them spoke for a good few minutes.
"Listen, Neil..." Eva began, gently.
"Look, whatever you're about to say, I don't want to hear it," replied Neil.
"...Actually, I wanted to ask if you wanted to talk."
"About what?"
"About anything."
Neil kept his eyes stubbornly at the window. "I don't know what you're expecting me to talk about."
"I'm not expecting anything. I just wanted to - "
"Why are you always doing this?" snapped Neil, finally turning to look at her. "Why are you so infernally convinced that me wanting to be alone means I secretly want to spill my guts to you?" He didn't even know why he was getting upset. He just knew that an anger, a pain, was flaring up in his chest, and Eva's presence was exacerbating it.
"Neil, all I did was -"
"Look, I get it, okay? You're just being a friend. You're being the best goddamn friend you can be, and right now, that's more than I can stand. Alright? I wish you would just stop."
"Why?"
"I don't know!" His voice was breaking. "There! I guess that's your answer. If you really want to know what's wrong with me, my answer is: I don't know. That sure as hell better be good enough for you, because -"
Eva reached out and took his hand. It took a whole minute for Neil to process what was happening. Only two people in the world had ever intentionally taken his hand: his mother and grandfather. And now, Eva. Her hand was cold and dry, yet there was a particular kind of warmth in the way she squeezed his fingers in her fist. And unbidden, deep within the long neglected, sun-starved wasteland of his psyche, came the tiniest of voices: I want to stay here.
"Neil," she said, "You're an asshole. Does that clarify things for you? But you take pride in it, so that's clearly not what's bothering you now. You actually do know what it is, but you'll never tell me, and I'm way too used to that by now to be discouraged from helping you anyway. So if it's okay with you, I'm just going to sit here with you for a while. Let me know if you want me to leave."
She said nothing more, but instead stared out into the street ahead. A silence. Neil felt a faint glimmer of understanding, like a door slowly creaking open in his mind.
"By the way," said Eva, turning to Neil after a while, "Why did you go through all the trouble to drive to my place? You know I hardly drink. I could've taken myself, and you all would've been at the restaurant by now, instead of waiting for me to fix the hairball on my head."
"Well..." said Neil, his voice low and cracking. "Honestly, I just - "
Neil's phone went off. With effort, he pulled his hand out of Eva's and reached into his pocket. It was Roxie.
"Soooo, what's the plan? Are we leaving or aren't we?" said Roxie.
Neil heaved a sigh. "If everyone's ready."
There was a pause. "...Neil, are you okay?"
"I'm fine. Just...get in the car already," he grumbled.
"Alright, alright. Be out in a bit." Roxie hung up.
"Cucumbers! I forgot my coat inside!" said Eva, opening her door and stepping out.
"Are you really going to go to the restaurant looking like that? You still look kinda..." said Neil.
"You know what? It's fine," said Eva, waving it off. "It's not like my hair isn't already immortalized in that photo you took, and you promised not to let me live this down. So I might as well just enjoy the night. Besides I could really go for some crab rangoons right now; I'm starving."
"Eva," said Neil.
"What?"
"...Thanks for...letting me into your apartment," he said, shutting his eyes. "And don't even comment on how creepy that sounded. Didn't mean it that way."
Eva merely stared at him. "...You'll never tell me what you're actually thanking me for, are you?" she said, with a wry smile.
Neil couldn't help but return it. "Do I have to?"
Her smile broadened. She laughed a little. In fact, she looked as though she was standing next to her best friend atop that cliff.
Eva shut the door and headed back into her apartment.
"The road to a friend's house is never long." - Danish Proverb