Harry Potter, Rotter
Part four.
Use only under Adult Supervision
Harry stood in the kitchen, Sirius Black, looking no older than the day he'd fallen through the veil of death standing in front of him. Daphne stood next to Harry looking quite pleased, she'd just kissed him on the cheek.
"Harry… we need to go talk. In the office. My Office." said Sirius, and walked up the stairs.
Harry stood there, blinking. Sirius was back, Daphne had… worked out how to do that. Somehow.
"Harry!" Sirius yelled from the stairs "I don't see you following me."
Harry startled into motion and followed Sirius, clutching his briefcase.
Sirius kept a fair pace up to the first floor, and entered the office, and sat down, behind the desk. Harry had been using it yesterday, he thought to himself.
"Close the door and sit down" said Sirius, pointing one finger.
"Is everything all right?" asked Harry, dropping his briefcase and sitting, knee starting to jiggle.
Sirius jabbed his wand at the door and it slid shut with a liquid 'shud'.
"No Harry, everything is not all right. What the bloody blazes are you up to?" said Sirius.
"What?" Asked Harry "Concubines are traditional, aren't they?"
"Not for a century or more. And the hints Daphne dropped… why the hell did you marry her? If you weren't in love with her" asked Sirius.
"Well… the marriage contract got into my inbox at work, and I sort of signed it by accident" admitted Harry.
"And proceeded to rope little Ginny Weasley in as a concubine?" asked Sirius.
"Um… I was dating Ginny before the contract." admitted Harry "And Daphne suggested I um... get Ginny and – " Harry said quietly "Hermione on as concubines."
"Before you got married?" said Sirius indignantly "This isn't the seventeenth century. Bloody hell. And now you've got children by Ginny and Daphne… and Daphne said there was more to tell?"
"Um… yeah. So… um… an unspeakable came back in time and told Daphne about a daughter of the house of Black, that wasn't with family. It was um… Bellatrix's bastard with well… Voldemort."
"What the blazes?" exclaimed Sirius. "And what ?"
"I um, recovered Delphini, adopted her, and she's my eldest daughter. Bloody clever, pretty, and doing really well at school. And not showing any inclination to be evil. A bit of an older-sister to the boys, but she's doing really well. And she's powerful as… well nearly as powerful as me." said Harry.
"As powerful as you?" asked Sirius, pinching his own arm "No, I'm not dreaming."
"Oh. Daphne invented a way to measure magical strength, um… to try and scientifically prove purebloods were better. Only…. She proved the opposite really. I um… have more power than her technique can measure. Delphini got the next highest reading out of everyone in all our friends and families… when she was five. She's powerful like Tom Riddle… Voldemort's real name, but apart from the first two years, she's had a loving home, and is great."
"Daphne said you'd given her a son?" asked Sirius.
"She bloody took one. Demanding witch. Henry. He's great. Handsome, really verging on lethal soon, his mothers looks, light brown hair, green eyes, well-behaved, clever, doing well at school, well until he got busted selling booze in the Slytherin dorms. Daphne said it was cry for attention." said Harry.
"And why would he do that?" asked Sirius.
"Well... my kids with Ginny, James and Albus and well… little Effie, they um… Henry just disappears behind James, and um… I guess I don't see him much.
Sirius looked at Harry and blinked "My Father" he said stiffly "Ignored Reg. Reg became a death eater."
"Henry wouldn't become a death eater, he's the only one of my children that's not spoilt." said Harry.
"All the others are spoilt?" asked Sirius.
"I've no idea why" said Harry. "I am actually pretty busy being head of the DMLE, you know."
"So… where's Ginny?" asked Sirius.
"She… um… left when Hermione and I um… " said Harry.
"So... Hermione wasn't a concubine?"
"She um... had Ron under contract, then we um… got together" said Harry.
Sirius groaned "Are you trying to be worse than Phineaus Nigellus Black!" he exclaimed. Harry remembered, the most hated Headmaster at Hogwarts ever.
The rest of the conversation went better.
As Harry went to bed, he wondered about having a sort-of-parent.
Then Daphne apparated into his bedroom in her nightgown.
"What are you here for?" asked Harry.
"Well, I need to put the hallows back in your mokeskin pouch" said Daphne "And the only way to do that is have you fall asleep..."
"Oh" said Harry.
-==0==-
A letter came from Hogwarts for Harry. He opened it over toast. There was a muggle letter inside, covered in postage stamps, stamped in red 'REDIRECTED TO HOGWARTS' Messily addressed to Harry Potter c/o Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry.
The cover letter was on parhcment in green ink.
'Mr Potter,
I'm not a mail-redirection service, but I suspect this is important.
I hope you and your surprisingly large old-fashioned family are well,
And a reminder that Sirius Black is still not allowed at Hogwarts, and owes fifty galleons for damages to the painting and other furnishings.
Minerva McGonagall
Headmistress
Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry.
'
The Letter, without a senders address on the outside, beaconed.
Harry opened it, one sheet of muggle paper, clumsily written, with a bit of jam on one corner.
'
Harry,
It's Dudley, your cousin.
My Daughter's making things float. Mum won't speak to me, Dad's had a heart attack.
Shibohn, my wife is beside herself. You're a wizard, can you come and explain,
maybe help us… give a phone number to call. People are noticing things.
Dudley Dursely
Unit 411 44 Sheeps Close Upper Highbury Heights, Surrey.
'
"Oh" said Harry, and he looked up and every eye was on him.
"What?" asked Hermione. "Is there a problem?"
"My cousin Dudley's daughter is probably a witch" said Harry. "I'm invited over to explain."
"Harry, I'd love to come but I'm having to rewrite the Standards, House-elf treatment and related matters act." said Hermione.
"Well, I'll just go around after dinner tonight" said Harry quickly.
"Harry" asked Sirius "when did you last see your cousin?"
"Ninety-seven" admitted Harry.
"So he's never met your wife. Take Daphne, and the children." said Sirius.
"I don't want to take the children, the boys are all at Hogwarts anyway, and really, Daphne isn't fond of muggles." said Harry.
"Harry, let me explain something. I'm the head of the family. You've made our family a mockery. Your Mother is only not furious with you, because it's so hard to be furious when you're dead." said Sirius.
"Mum?" asked Harry.
"Yes, Harry, your mum and dad that I spent the last twenty years with. Your Dad, by the way made a few ill-chosen remarks about being proud of you for having concubines, and your mother didn't speak to him for two years."
"Mum's cross with me?" asked Harry.
"Your mum, the muggleborn, against the whole archaic laws that favour pureblood families' thing, that your mum." said Sirius.
-==0==-
Unit 411 44 Sheeps Close Upper Highbury Heightswas… a multi-story apartment block.
The lift smelt of urine. Unit 411 was a completely anonymous door. Harry pressed the doorbell button.
"Uh, Hi Harry" said Dudley, who was greying and balding but still fairly fit. Harry walked in, and Daphne followed in a dressy sort-of-tartan coat over a dress. Effie followed owlishly in a dufflecoat over her favourite dress and tights and gumboots. It was a muggle apartment in a tower block, not at all like Grimmauld place or her grandmothers houses.
A young woman with dark hair and dark circles under her eyes sat on a squashy-looking lounge chair looking uncomfortable in what might be called sweatpants, a small dark haired girl in a baggy blue dress on her lap. She looked about four.
"Dudley" said Daphne "And your wife?"
"Shibohn, this is my cousin Harry's wife Daphne. She's a witch and Harry's a wizard." said Dudley.
"This is Harry's daughter Effie. Not mine, but she's a little witch, and can meet her cousin" said Daphne.
"Keisha" said Shibohn in an Irish accent. "She's Keisha. You all say she's a witch like it's nothing special?"
"Well, your family probably have witches somewhere back" said Daphne politely "Dudley's grandmother and grandfather, like you two had ancestors who were magical, and it's come back."
Harry asked Dudley "Any trouble with the neighbours yet?" he asked.
"God no, but Keisha's granma thinks she's going mad. Keisha gets things down off shelves." said Dudley.
"Oh my friend Hermione used to do that. Her parents are like you two… not knowing, and no cousins who know" said Harry.
"So… this is some sort of super secret?" asked Siobhan.
"The international statute of wizarding secrecy, sixteen eighty" said Harry "Trying to break it will get you in trouble with law enforcement. Awkwardly, that's my department. We'll send obliviators around and they'll wipe memories and implant fake ones. So please don't try, and don't tell the media. The regulations get a bit dire, and Keisha will be taken off you, and replaced with a dead body while the police are just outside the door." said Harry.
Siobhan's eyes grew large as saucers, and she clutched at her daughter.
"Harry, you could have been more tactful" said Daphne. "And I believe compulsion charms are the standard protection."
"Wot?" asked Dudley.
Daphne explained in polite, glassy terms "Obliviators make you mentally unable to tell strangers. You can tell any other children of yours, anyone magical, but not relatives. Except technically, your mum, Dudley, and Siobhan, whichever parent or parents are a squib. That's a magical person who can't do magic. They can… see some things non-magical people can't."
"Like what?" asked Dudley.
"The doorway to the train platform at Kings cross, the pub that leads to the shopping district. Some magical creatures… ghosts." said Harry.
"They can use some kinds of magical objects too" said Daphne "For muggles… non-magical people, most magical objects do nothing."
"Daphne is … basically a magic scientist. She studies magic nobody understands, or that's so old nobody knows about it anymore" explained Harry.
"Like Pyramids and stuff?" asked Siobhan.
"I've got friends in the Pyramid exploration business. Curse-breakers. Very adventurous lifestyle" said Harry, with a smile.
"Wow… with treasure?" asked Siobhan. "Like Indiana Jones?"
"I'm not sure" admitted Harry "Never saw many movies."
"And he's married to his job" quipped Daphne. "Dudley, if you hadn't worked it out… Harry's the head of the department of magical law enforcement. Like the… head of scottish yard."
"Your cousin's a copper?" asked Siobhan to Dudley, sounding surprised.
Daphne shook her head "And our … minister of magic is… a very good friend. Like the muggle Prime Minster, but for us."
Harry knelt down by Keisha "Hello, I'm your uncle Harry. Do things happen when you get upset, or really want something?" he asked. Keisha looked around nervously.
Harry held out his hand and a children's toy, some sort of fluffy animal flew into Harry's hand.
"Blimey" said Dudley "You've got good at that." Siobhan was staring. Keisha grabbed the toy and hugged it.
"As small children, we do accidental magic. As we get older it gets less, once we're eleven we go to school, learn how to do magic when we want to, that's reliable. And avoid problems, like upset police, mad neighbours." said Harry gently, and he stood up.
Daphne clicked her fingers and all the scattered toys flew into the air and flew around the room in a circle, landing neatly in a likely looking toy-bucket.
"I've had to tidy up after five children" said Daphne "usually we use a magic wand."
Harry flicked his arm and there was suddenly a wand in his hand, and he delicately waved it, the wallpaper changing to a pattern of cartoon animals. "This is the pattern in our nursery" he said, stopping his wand.
Daphne drew her wand and flicked it, the wallpaper going back to normal.
"Muuum" said Effie.
"Effie, this is your cousin Keisha. Her mum, your Aunt Siobhan is a squib, as is her dad, your uncle Dudley. Remember uncle Dudley?" said Daphne to Effie.
"Hello Keisha. You're the youngest of us cousins." she said. Keisha blinked "Youngest?"
"You're the littlest" said Effie. "My big sister finishes school in June. She's dad's favourite."
"Delphini is NOT my favourite" protested Harry "She's just the eldest, so she does things first, that's all."
"Sure dad" said Effie dismissively.
"So… Daphne's not Effie mum?" asked Keisha.
"That's Ginny Weasley. Ginny left when Harry got with Hermione." said Daphne.
"And then you?" asked Siobhan.
"A bit more complicated than that" said Daphne. "But that's how it usually goes, yes."
"So um… why? Why is Keisha doing magic" asked Siobhan.
Daphne started to explain "It's in the … blood inheritance… Hermione calls it genes. If you don't have enough genes for magic, you can't do it. If your parents were really closely related to each other, your magic will be weaker. The differences are small, usually, but Harry and a few other people are lucky that way and are very powerful. My mother's family are from Hungary, my father's from England, and I'm more powerful than my mum. Harry, though… his mum's only distantly related to anyone else alive, and his fathers mother was American… so he ends up really powerful." Daphne paused "Sorry… it's just I wrote a book about it." she apologised.
"She's very clever" said Harry.
"Do the silver deer thing?" asked Dudley.
"Oh yeah" said Harry "This looks a bit weird, but it's actually a protection against some terrible things." with that, he drew his wand again and cast a patronus charm, and Prongs appeared from a jet of silvery mist, and stood in billowing silvery mist, exhaling silvery clouds.
Effie clapped her hands "This is Prongs, he's really fun" she said and waved her hand through the smoky image. "He tingles."
Dudley gingerly touched prongs "Blimey… all tickley and ... warm and … like being in bed on a cold night. Try it love?"
Siobhan hesitantly sat forward and touched the deer's nose, her hand passing though it, and she recoiled "Feels like sitting by a warm fire on a cold night!" she said.
"It's made of nice feelings" said Harry "Keisha, pat Prongs. He can't hurt you."
Keisha got down off her mothers lap and touched Prongs with both out-stretched hands. She giggled.
"Is there magic… made of angry thoughts?" asked Siobhan.
Harry nodded and his face lost its smile "All kinds. The worst stuff is illegal, and the very worst is an instant jail sentence. And our jail… well. It's very bad. Is Keisha okay with loud noises?"
"Not really" said Siobhan.
"Well" said Harry, and Prongs vanished, and Harry conjured up a small overstuffed chair.
"A chair for you Keisha?" asked Harry.
Keisha patted it uncertainly. "It's real!" she said, and sat on it.
"Um… can you just make chairs?" asked Dudley.
"They don't last, and are easy to get rid of. Conjured things, they go away easily." said Harry with a hand-wave.
Daphne took out a handkerchief and transfigured it into a small tiara, and handed it to Keisha, who put it crookedly on her head "I'm a princess" she said.
"Is that real?" asked Siobhan.
"It'll last." said Daphne. "But it's not worth much. The first thing we learn at school is turning a matchstick into a needle."
"Then beetles into buttons" said Harry. "So you never need buttons or needles."
"Why?" asked Siobhan.
"To learn on easy things." said Daphne "By seventh year, I could turn a chair onto a different kind of chair, mend anything."
"And I could blow things up" admitted Harry. "Though I have since learnt how to spell away mildew."
"And that's hard apparently" said Daphne. "We mostly just buy new curtains but Harry's frugal and powerful."
"Can you fly?" asked Siobhan.
"On a broom" admitted Harry.
"I don't like brooms. I prefer flying horses" said Daphne. "And no it's not that. I just prefer flying horses. My family live in the country, and we hunt boars on flying horses. Harry found that remarkable, but it's a thing witches and wizards have been doing… since probably forever."
"I did know a guy who could fly without a broom, but he died" said Harry. "And never told anyone how."
"And they teleport around" added Dudley "And can shrink things."
Harry tapped an unoccupied chair with his wand and it shrank to doll-sized, and he picked it up, and handed it to Siobhan. "It's still a chair. And can come back to full size."
"Shopping must be easy" said Siobhan ruefully.
"Ah, but five children" said Daphne "Mind if I put your chair back?"
Siobhan held out her palm, chair atop it, and Daphne waved her hand, and the chair flew back into position, and with a point of her index finger, shot back to full size.
"Doesn't that need a wand?" asked Dudley.
"She's good at it" said Harry.
"Harry can do fire-lighting, lights on and off, and of course… blowing things up without a wand." said Daphne.
"Lifting stuff" added Harry, using and outstretched hand to lift the sofa.
"And is that different from having it come to you?" asked Siobhan. Harry nodded, and lowered the sofa. "Different magic, and hard without a wand."
"How much can you lift?" Dudley asked Harry, in an attempt at manliness.
"He can lift a grand piano" said Daphne proudly. "So half a ton."
Harry nodded "Piano moving." he said. "I've done a car once."
"A car, what were you doing levitating a car?" asked Daphne crossly.
"The guy I wanted to hit was behind it" said Harry blandly. "But Aunt Daphne's the one with a complete education, I dropped out of school."
"And ended up head of Scotland Yard?" asked Siobhan, sounding surprised.
"Our equivalent." said Harry "Separate government since sixteen-eighty, the minister for magic reports to the Prime Minister very quietly, and to the Queen."
"And witches are as powerful as wizards and can do any job a wizard can do" said Daphne.
"But Harry's more powerful than you?" asked Siobhan. Daphne gave a short laugh "Harry's probably the most powerful wizard alive."
"So... Dudley said he's famous?" asked Siobhan.
"Most famous wizard in England. Probably in all of Europe. Beat a very bad wizard who had taken over the government, it was a civil war." said Daphne. "And these days rather infamous for being a philanderer."
Dudley looked at Harry "Harry, eh, you're married to Daphne right?" Harry nodded "But… oh it's complicated."
"So you're a witch" said Harry to Keisha. "You mustn't do magic in front of people."
"You mustn't do magic at all" said Daphne sternly. "Or the magic police will come, and it will be bad."
Keisha squirmed about.
"Keisha" said Dudley "Listen to your uncle Harry."
"Harry, just get the damn obliviators over" said Daphne sharply.
Harry raised his wand and said something quietly, and blue circles rose up his wand over and over. Harry checked his wristwatch. "They'd better be here in under five minutes or I'll have them on punishment duty."
The front door banged open four minutes later and a man in a dark suit came in, wand drawn.
"Who called?" he said loudly.
"Your boss" said Harry and the man shook in his suit "Director Potter!" he said "I… is this a drill sir?"
"My cousin, his wife, muggles or squibs, cousins daughter, witch. Fix the adults, leave a beacon they can use." said Harry brusquely.
"Oh… I… don't have a beacon sir. I'll have to go back for it." said the man with the wand.
"Well, get someone to do the neighbours while you're at it. This floor, and one above and below." said Harry.
"But… there's been no incident sir. What will we put on the P-87C's?" asked the Obliviator
"Send them to Steve, and I'll stamp them." said Harry "Now get on with it."
The obliviator cast a spell on Dudley, and then one on Siobhan. "They should be safe enough now sir" he said, gave a little nod, and was about to leave, when he noticed Daphne.
"Oh Mrs Black… sorry. Good to see you. Is that one of Mr Potters?" asked the Obliviator indicating Effie.
"His youngest." said Daphne. "Now get out. This is family get-together" she said, one end of her mouth twitching.
"Harry" said Dudley "You… got a bloke to come and… what did that spell do?" he asked as the obliviator left.
"Memory charmed you to keep secrets." said Harry. "Prevention is better than cure."
"All the neighbours?" asked Siobhan.
"Just in case" said Harry blandly "Save on callouts later."
"Mum Black… why is Dad being an arse" asked Effie.
"He is often" said Daphne curtly.
"Effie… don't be like that in front of your cousins." said Harry.
"What kind of name is Effie anyway?" asked Siobhan.
"Her full name is Euphemia Lily Potter-Black" said Daphne. "Euphemia after Harry's paternal grandmother, Lily after his mother, your Aunt" said Daphne.
"Harry, So you're called Black?" asked Dudley "Was that that Sirius Black bloke? Did he adopt you. Din't he die?"
"He died saving me from my own stupidity" said Harry bitterly.
"But" said Daphne "However, Sirius is back."
"What?" asked Dudley "He… died, and now he's back?"
"Daphne's very clever" admitted Harry.
"They… they can being people back from the dead" said Siobhan incredulously "That has to be black magic."
"Family magic from Harry's family, and it was a special case" said Daphne "Sirius Black fell through a magical portal to the land of the dead. It's usually a one-way trip, in fact it's been used a method of execution."
"Execution?" said Dudley "You lot still have the death penalty?"
"For some things" said Harry blandly "For others we just let a Dementor suck your soul out."
"A demento… those things are awful." said Dudley.
"Souls are real?" asked Siobhan.
"I've seen a few people without them" said Harry "Ugly business."
"Is Uncle Harry a bad man or a good man?" asked Keisha.
"I'm one of the good men" said Harry.
Daphne looked at Harry and walked over to Siobhan and said quietly "Oh he's very good" she whispered, thne louder "Siobhan, I'd like to do ask some questions of you and Dudley, just for my own research into magical inheritance. They'll be painless, and very quick." she said.
"I suppose?" said Siobhan nervously. Daphne took out a notebook.
"Now, have you ever seen things other people can't see?" asked Daphne.
Siobhan shook her head and Daphne took a note.
"Ever seen someone that other people were ignoring, but you could see?" asked Daphne.
After five more questions, Daphne asked Harry "Harry, dear, I don't suppose you'd bring a dementor along so we could see if they can see it?"
"Dudley can't see them, we were both attacked one summer" said Harry "I expect Siobahn can't either."
"Ew, that must be a bit awkward." said Daphne "Still, lets see. Let's try some artefacts."
"Artifacts?" asked Siobhan "What are those?"
"Harry, I assume you have a broom with you?" asked Daphne.
Harry rolled his eyes, undid his top three shirt buttons, and got out a small pouch, pulling out a shrunken broom out. He tapped it with his wand and it popped back to full size.
"Harry's got a flying broom in his little bag?" asked Dudley. "You need that often?"
"He's the head of the DMLE, he's prepared for pretty much anything" said Daphne, and Harry handed Daphne the broom, which she turned, noticing the brass footpegs.
"IS this a Firebolt?" she asked. "When did you get this.?"
"Last year" said Harry quickly "They had a sale."
Dudley chuckled "Caught out buying a flying broom?"
"If I'd known you wanted one I'd have given you one for your birthday" said Daphne "Gift-wrapped."
"Well my nimbus two thousand and three was getting a bit old" said Harry.
"There...are brands of broomsticks?" asked Siobahn. "Like cars?"
"Er yeah" admitted Harry.
Effie looked at Harry's broom being held by Daphne "Mum? Can I use dad's broom? Only the Weasleys all have clapped out ones."
"Effie, show the Durselys how to make a broom go" said Daphe handing Effie the racing broom.
"No flying it" said Harry sternly "For gods sake, I'll be a laughing-stock if you get pinged flying my broom in a muggle area."
Effie took a deep breath and exhaled, put the broom down and demonstrated "So you hold out your hand, say 'up', and think of the broom coming up to your hand" she said, and then did precisely that.
"Now dad says no flying" said Effie, and she put the floating broom down, and it stopped floating.
"Do you carry a broom, Daphne?" asked Siobhan.
"I have an office job" said Daphne "Not much need for it, I prefer to apparate. Teleportation, Dudley called it. And to fly, I prefer riding flying horses."
"And once Effie and Kiesha are a little older, I can take them flying at Mummy and Daddy's estate" mused Daphne. "Nine is the usual age limit for hunting."
"Hunting?" asked Siobhan sounding uncertain.
"Well... I suppose she could come see the horses, maybe learn to ride an ordinary horse before that" said Daphne, brow wrinkling.
Effie motioned Keisha over and Kesiha got the broom to float into her hand.
"And that's all perfectly expected" said Daphne "Now, Siobhan, could you try?"
Siobhan managed to make the broom twitch.
"Ah… not quite enough flow for that" said Daphne. "Don't be self-conscious, it's normal for squibs to have trouble with magical artefacts." Daphne took a note.
Dudley gingerly tried and it did float unsteadily up into his hand. Dudley looked at the broom in his had nervously. "I'm… doing magic?" he asked.
"A little" said Daphne "Probably best not to try to fly a Firebolt, probably safer to try a slower broom that won't need as much magic to fly." she added. "Still, an interesting result" she said, making a note in her notebook.
"Daphne wrote the definitive book on the inheritance of magical power" said Harry "And by the looks of it, is working on the sequel, all about squibs."
"Well, it seems interesting, your cousin's got almost a poor wizards' worth of power. Your Aunt and Uncle would be very interesting to test. With a broom from the broom cupboard, not your Firebolt.
Harry took the broom back from Dudley, shrank it and put it back in his mokeskin pouch.
"Dudley" asked Daphne, with a gentle smile "Can I have your parents address, I'd so like to visit them. After all, they missed our wedding, and we've been married for ages, and we have daughters practically the same age. Why, Keisha will have to come visit, especially over summer when the boys are home. Meet all her cousins. And do some tests."
"Well, dad's not so well, had a heart attack, they live at eighteen Oxheart street in Chissock."
Daphne wrote that down in her notebook.
"I'll drop by and catch up with them, probably on a weekend, I do have a lot of work on." she said smoothly.
"Being a magic scientist?" asked Dudley.
"Yes, I 'm doing some tests to see who can't be resurrected, and who can" said Daphne. "It's all very new and experimental."
Dudley went a bit pale. "Harry, she's just joking right? About… making dead people not dead?"
Harry looked at Dudley curiously "No… she's the world expert at the moment. It used to be a family thing for one of my very great-great grandmothers on Dad's side. About twelve hundred they stopped doing it. Daphne is very clever to work it out."
Daphne smiled "Oh Harry" she said "You noticed" she said coquettishly.
"Dad hardly ever kisses up to mum Black" said Effie to Keisha, who had started to look a bit bored.
Harry noticed the girls looking bored and cast a spell on the foot-stool, turning it into a small dragon. Keisha seized the small dragon and hugged it. The dragon let out a small puff of blue smoke.
"Is that safe?" asked Siobahn "Having a dragon in the house?"
"Gracious no, that's just a toy. Dragons are huge and dangerous" said Daphne.
"Daaad" said Effie "Why don't I have a toy dragon?"
Dudley eyed Effie with interest.
"Because you have a toy unicorn, a toy Abraxan that flies, and a size-distorted toy castle in your bedroom" said Harry. "And I like our footstool."
"I'll ask mum" said Effie firmly. "She'll send me one."
Siobhan gave Daphne a worried glance.
"Effie's mother, Ginny Potter is a sports commentator. Who doesn't live with us anymore, thank goodness." said Daphne "Harry's old girlfriend from school."
Dudley and Siobahn's eyes met, and they turned to deal with the Blacks, only to be interrupted by a glowing rabbit bounding in through the wall, and stopping in front of Harry, silvery smoke sputtering off it.
The rabbits mouth moved and a woman's voice said "Dad, where are you. You're not home, Mum's not home and Effie's not home either? Lavender says you all went out." Then the rabbit faded away.
"My daughter's Patronus" said Harry "I'll just send her one to calm her down."
Daphne rolled her eyes and Harry conjured up a silver stag, spoke into it's ear and sent it off with a flick of his wand.
"Is that what you lot use instead of telephones?" asked Dudley "We've got mobile phones now you just carry around."
Moments later, it seemed, the front door burst open and a woman stroke in dramatically, her dark coat billowing like a cloak, her silvery-white hair whipping backwards.
"Dad?" she asked, stopping in the room, by far the tallest person there, with silvery hair with blue tips.
"Delphini, meet your uncle Dudley, your Aunt Siobhan, and your cousin Keisha. Keisha's a witch, they're squibs" said Harry. "Dudley's a cousin on my mothers side. You probably don't remember meeting him."
"Hi" said Delphini, her hair-tips going faintly pink
"You… don't look much like Harry, another mother?" asked Siobahn.
"Oh I'm adopted" said Delphini "Mum and dad died in the war, they were baddies. Dad's my closest living relative, because mum was a Black, and dad was a Gaunt, and they married Peverells and so did the Potters. So… mum and dad raised me." she said cheerfully "I'm the eldest. I finished school in June so I'm legally an adult."
"What was so urgent dear?" asked Daphne.
"Well mum… I was in Saint-Tropez and I saw the cute little château, and I really wanted it, but I remembered what dad said about impulse purchases. So I waited a day, and It's been a day?" said Delphini quickly.
Daphne sighed "Well, if you really want it and you can afford it, you should buy it." she said.
"Great, oh and Grandpa Sirius was complaining about Dad using his room. Again." added Delphini.
"Harry, are you just going to let your daughter buy a house?" asked Dudley, curiously.
"Well it's her money. Her parents, like mine left her plenty. Well, hers left her a huge fortune, I'm pretty sure she's richer than the whole family."
"I'm independently wealthy" said Delphini, with a smirk "And Mum and Dad are super influential. And dad's concubine is the Minister for Magic, and she's my friend." with this Delphini squatted down to eye-level with Keisha "Hello midget, I'm Delphini, you're the littlest cousin, Keisha?"
Kerisah nodded "I can make things come down from shelves" she said.
"Cool" said Delphini "I could do that at your age too."
"Delphini at five could lift thirty stone. She's extremely powerful" said Daphne with a slight smile.
"Mumm" said Delphini, her hair going pink all the way to the roots.
"Delphini what have I told you about having your emotions showing on your hair" said Daphne sternly.
Delphini confided to Keisha "See how hard my life is?" she said, mock seriously.
"Is that normal for witches?" asked Siobhan nervously.
"Not really, it's a black family thing mostly. Metamorphmagus can change their appearance at will, and Dephini's abililty came on in her late teens." said Harry "Her cousin Teddy's had it since he was a baby, and his mother, Delphinis' aunt could do it from birth too.
"Yeah, Teddy's awesome, dad" said Delphini with a sigh. "Dad's Teddy's godfather, sort of his stepdad, because his mum and dad died in the war. They were goodies."
-==0==-
A silvery dog leapt in though the wall.
"This happen a lot?" asked Dudley nonchalantly.
"Not really, no" said Daphne.
The dog spoke "Theo Nott's killed himself in his prison cell. And done some sort of magic in the process."
"Bother" said Harry "I need to take this."
Harry sent Prongs off again.
"Is he always busy?" asked Siobhan.
"Married to his job." observed Daphne.
An Auror appeared nearby in red robes, with a crack and nodded to Harry.
"Boss, the guards found him at meal delivery, blood on the floor. Runes sir, he'd done runes." they said urgently.
"I'm not At work, and I'm visiting my cousin… and his daughter. They've just found out she's a witch." explained Harry.
"But sir…the unspeakable says Nott 's managed some sort of limited time travel." said the Auror urgently.
"Bollocks" said Harry.
"Excuse Harry, but this is rather important." said Daphne politely.
"There's time travel?" asked Dudley "Like Terminator?"
"Terma-what?" asked Daphne.
"This bloke goes back in time to stop a robot killing this woman who's gonna give birth to the soldier who saves everyone from the robots" said Dudley "It's old but good, and they did heaps of sequels."
"There is time travel and it's illegal. We have to undo it to put time back. Or terrible things can happen" said Harry sharply.
"How terrible?" asked Siobhan.
Like the universe ceasing to exist" said Harry "Or the eternal reign of an evil wizard. Narrowly missed that one." he added.
Harry left with a crack of disapparation followed by the Auror.
-==0==-
Daphne Black, dressed in a plaid muggle dress with her hair tied back in a bun knocked on the door of a small townhouse in Chissock.
There was muted yelling from the inside, and the door opened to a greying, sickly looking walrus of a man with a bedraggled moustache. "We don't want any, go away." he said, and took a rasping breath.
"Oh, really, I'm not here to sell anything." said Daphne "I'm Harry's wife. I just dropped by to say hello, I just met Dudley and Siobhan this week, because it turned out little Keisha is a witch. Can I come in?"
"You're one of them, aren't you?" asked Vernon Dursley, paling.
"I'm a witch, yes, but also a wife and mother, If you'd let me in we can all have a lovely conversation" said Daphne "I take it your wife, Petunia is here?"
"Go away" said Vernon, starting to close the door "We don't want your kind he– "
At this point Daphne's wand fell into her hand, and she cast something on Vernon almost silently. Vernon blinked "Well, you'd best come inside." he said, and shambled back into the townhouse.
Daphne followed, closing the door behind her.
"Vernon what ever was that?" screeched Petunia like a giraffe with colic from eating too many lemons, sitting a chair in the small living room, full of pictures of Dudley, Dudley and Siobhan, and Keisha. There were no pictures of Harry.
Vernon sat down on a crushed looking oversized lounge chair.
"Harry's wife, apparently" said Vernon.
"He married?" asked Petunia, just as Daphne entered the room.
"Yes" said Daphne politely "He married me. My father's idea, and the major problem was that his aunt and uncle treated him so badly he has major difficulties understanding or expressing love."
"That boy was nothing but trouble" hissed Petunia, looking lemony.
"Harry is the head of our equivalent of... Scotland Yard" said Daphne. "You were invited to the wedding, and didn't attend. Understandable, given that you both apparently hate and fear magic" said Daphne. "However," she said, casting a spell on the two elderly Dursleys "I'm not the most forgiving witch on earth, and my Harry is broken because of you two. You're both going to pay."
"You can't do that." said Vernon "You lot aren't allowed to interfere with normal people."
"Oh please" said Daphne. "The people who watch for that work for Harry, and they know he's got problems. A whisper in the right ear, and they're ignoring you two." she said, smiling toothlessly.
"I think, rather than cast something painful on you, Instead, I'll let someone else criticise you." she said "Aunt Petunia, your mother was a squib, a magical person who has too few magical genes to practice magic. I'll bring her back, and She can tell you what she thinks."
"But Mum's dead" said Petunia "She died in seventy-eight."
"Yes, likely murdered by one of Voldemort's death squads. Lily Evans was a noted thorn to his operations. Even before she gave birth to Harry" said Daphne, and she got out a small black pebble, and rolled it idly on her palm. The room darkened and a ghostly figure of a middle-aged woman appeared.
"Petunia, you wicked, jealous girl" snapped the ghost "And you, Vernon Dursely, you fat, hateful beast. Lily was a witch, and we were proud of her, but no, you had to treat poor little Harry like dog-doings."
"Aunt Petunia" said Daphne to a dazed looking Petunia "I'll point out that your mother is a Squib, like yourself and Dudley, and Siobhan. If squibs breed they sometimes make fully magical offspring, like little Keisha."
"Really ?" asked the ghost "I'm Patricia Evans nee Herring-Knightly, delighted to meet you?"
"Daphne Black, Harry's wife, witch" said Daphne "And the only practising necromancer in Britain. Patricia, would you consent to an experiment where I resurrect you?"
"Live again?" asked Patricia "I died a long time ago."
"Well, we'd have to make you a new body, some of my colleagues have some ideas about that. I can talk to you about it later" said Daphne "But one quick question, when you were alive, did you see things other people couldn't see? It's one of the last magical abilities to be lost as the magical blood is diluted."
"I" said the ghost awkwardly "I did see a black dog at a graveyard once, and I could swear I saw faeries at the bottom of the garden once." Daphne made a note of that.
"Well, I'll just leave you two stuck to the couch and Patricia can haunt you for a day or so" said Daphne "Patricia, I'll send you back once you think Aunt Petunia has been chastened sufficently. Your ancestors were Fawleys, who are an old magical family. Your husband's family connect to the Browns, who are a very respectable magical family."
Daphne took a book that could not possibly have fitted out of her dress pocket, and some glasses ona chain, and sat down on an empty lounge-chair nad started reading.
"you're just going to read a book" asked Petunia.
"Well, I don't want to ask Harry if it's okay to painfully hex you two, so I'll just let
Patricia do what she feels is apporopraite.
Vernon struggled to stand, unable to leave his chair.
"You two are stuck down" said Daphne "Patricia, I'll put a privacy spell up, so I can't hear you three over there, just float over to get my attention."
-==0==-
Harry surveyed the Azkaban prison cell. Nott had made stuff out of rat bones, hair and blood, including a wand, rune-tones and importantly a big runic inscription. It looked complicated. And handmade. How long had he been doing this?
A couple of grey-robed unspeakables were photographing it and taking notes.
"What did it do, when did he go?" asked Harry.
"He… he died" said the unspeakable. "This – doesn't send anyone back in time. Just… some sort of thought. I'm… not entirely sure what."
Harry turned to the guards watching the Unspeakables.
"Fine I'll get debriefed later" said Harry "I'm off back to the office. Once they're done, burn the whole room clean with fiendfyre, and make sure there's nothing left. And start searching the cells for stuff. Do the real clever clogs first."
-==0==-
Harry lay in Daphne's bed that night snogging.
"So… what did Theo Nott's runes do?" he asked.
"Excuse me. That's not my section, and we're at home in bed" said Daphne.
"I said I'd wait to get a debriefing from an unspeakable." said Harry "What about it?"
"Really? And you expect me to talk as well?" she asked.
"I'll debrief you first" said Harry.
"Harry, I don't need debriefing" said Daphne, climbing onto his lap.
"Oh… yeah you don't" said Harry, blinking "Well… I guess…mmmm." said Harry as Daphne rocked.
Daphne rocked gently some more "Mmmmm" she said.
"So" asked Harry "what did Nott really do?"
"Harry!" exclaimed Daphne "I'm busy making love to my husband. Work talk tomorrow."
"Making love?" asked Harry "Shagging?"
"Harry, if we were just shagging .I wouldn't whisper in your ear" asid Daphne, and she whispered in his ear.
"You… really?" exclaimed Harry. "All the time?"
"Of course." said Daphne, grinding on his lap "Any chance of some helping hands?"
…
The head of the DMLE whistled tunelessly as he took the lift to Level two the next morning, causing mass panic, as everyone expected snap inspections from the workaholic bugger.
Hours later, a hooded grey-robed unspeakable arrived at Harry's office without an appointment, but carrying a grey folder.
"Director Potter-Black" they buzzed to Harry's secretary Steve.
"You don't have an appointment" said Steve to the grey-robed figure with no visible face.
The unspeakable pointed at the door.
"Boss, it's the unspeakables with the report" called Steve.
"Send them in" yelled Harry.
The unspeakable walked into the office and closed the door.
"Well what was it?" asked Harry, sounding irritated.
The unspeakable opened the folder and slid it across the desk with a push.
Harry started reading, and glanced up to see the unspeakable push back their hood, to reveal Daphne Black.
"You brought the report, you said it wasn't your section" said Harry.
"You said you wanted a debriefing" said Daphne, "The summary is this. Nott sent some of his memories back in time, but not many. The runes experts think the improvised runestones the transfigured from rat bones were only good for about fifteen thaums, maximum, and he used dozens of stones. One of the experts from instrumentation determined that the pile of bones and rubbish in the corner was a crude thaumometer. All made from rat bones, his own hair and blood and a bit of his own excrement. In a prison cell, with only rats, he made a wand, an instrument, runestones and then sent parts of his memory back. The memory he sent back is only, we estimate fifteen or twenty seconds, and in two second chunks. Mostly due to the garbage he built it all from."
"What did he tell young Nott?" asked Harry.
That the thing, the runes almost spell out a curse." said Daphne, sitting on Harry's visitors chair and crossing her legs. "An obscure Belgian misery curse, but a few bits missing."
"What does the curse do?" asked Harry, flicking pages of the report.
"Page forty-one" said Daphne and Harry read it.
"It'll… give him bad dreams?" asked Harry "Why the hell would he do that?"
"Regrets" said Daphne "The things he regrets most in life. It'll send those. We're still firing up the chronoprobe and we don't know who's going."
Harry flicked through the folder, finally shaking it out.
"Where's the termination order?" asked Harry.
"We can't issue one if there's no time travel." said Daphne "He's only sent, as far as we know a packet of nightmares. We think it's aimed at somewhere in the early nineties. We'll know tomorrow once the chronoprobe's running."
"What the hell will that even do?" asked Harry. "Nott was one of Malfoy's hanger's on, and avoided prison at the end of the wart, but was a sympathiser, and his father died on the war."
"His mother died before the war" said Daphne "Blaise implied once, when very drunk, that Theo thought his father had done it."
"I can't use that" said Harry crossly "Nott Senior's already dead."
"We won't know what's happened for a little while, the timeline's still stabilising" said Daphne. "Tomorrow, Wednesday at the latest the timeline will be stable."
"So we just wait for his crazy escape to work?" asked Harry.
Daphne shook her head "I checked. He's dead. Won't talk."
Harry looked up form the file and smiled at Daphne, "Have I said" said Harry "How much I appreciate you, my dear, you clever, clever witch?"
"Does that mean I can just take the Hallows without shagging you unconscious first?" asked Daphne.
"Certainly not." said Harry "It's good exercise for you. I feel quite chipper today… Daphne, did you take the Hallows again last night?"
"Technically early this morning" said Daphne, fluttering her eyelashes.
-==0==-
On Wednesday Harry got an aeroplane memo on grey paper.
'Director Potter,
This is a reminder from the Department of Mysteries that the Theo Nott incident, which you have the file for is now expected to have a stable timeline. Please review the file.
'
Harry was very confused. Why the hell was there a Theo Nott incident. Nott had single-mindedly pursued Hermione for six years at school, finally getting a kiss out of her after the battle of Hogwarts. Minster Nott was still prone to wearing her hair in a huge bushy mess, but Theo had, in addition to having two children with her, somehow made Hermione less prone to sweeping statements.
Hermione claimed it was because Theo made her explain all her plans to him at least a day beforehand. Harry wasn't sure why the son of a death-eater had turned on his own father, but Theo's Mother had fled the country when Harry and Theo were both fourteen, only returning after Theo's father had died at Hogwarts. Harry suspected Nott Senior had been several kinds of bad man.
Harry opened the grey folder and read the report. Which made no sense at all. In fact, it gave him a headache.
Theo Nott in Azkaban? Preposterous. The weedy, dyspeptic bookworm spent most of his teenage years in the library studying, or mooning at Hermione in a revolting way.
Ron had, Harry smiled to recollect decided to 'set the slimy little snake straight' one day, and Nott had just said "If I didn't ask her out, I'd regret it."
Harry had followed up by threatening Theo, who gave him a look that make Harry's insides clench "I'd regret it if I didn't" said the ten-stone bookworm, and his voice… it echoed in Harry's skull in a way that made his eyes water.
It had, Harry mused, been a neat counterpoint in sixth year, giving Ron something to do other than complain about Harry dating Ginny. Harry sighed. Ginny had decided after three children and two quidditch careers, that Harry simply didn't spend enough time with her, and a year earlier had left, and taken up with Michael bloody Corner, mister six foot three all over again.
An hour later, as Harry puzzled though the report, a fat, slow moving Unspeakable came in and sat down, closing the door with a wand flick.
"Director Potter" they buzzed "Have you reviewed the file Unspeakable Slicer left here ?"
"Uh... the one... Slicer left makes little sense" said Harry. "Theodore Nott isn't a death eater sympathiser, and didn't go to Azkaban. He married my best friend, after all."
"Really?" asked the Unspeakable, and summoned the field from Harry's hands.
"Well well" they said much later "That Theodore Nott was a very clever boy. You'll need to start searching cells for improvised magical apparatus. Shame he doesn't work for us. He could really stretch our budget."
"I believe he prefers to work alone at Nott's estate" said Harry drily "Well, until he had children."
"Hmm" said the unspeakable "Perhaps we could offer him a quiet office? He'd make our budget go an awful lot further."
"He's tampered in time" said Harry "Where's my termination order?"
"Ahem. Well… all he sent were memories, that's not technically illegal, we had to leave that loophole in case that's how prophecy works." admitted the Unspeakable.
Harry sat very still and thought "You don't know how prophecy works?" asked Harry slowly.
"We think it's extra-temporal forces benignly talking though seers, but we're not sure. Seers randomly, subconsciously sending messages back in time to themselves would explain the observed phenomenon, just as well without exrta-temporal benign forces" said the Unspeakable and shrugged. "And we don't want to have to execute all the seers, which any decent lawyer could argue were doing exactly what Nott did, so we need to be careful what precedents we set" they explained. "And then there's sine plinus piscus. We're all better off in this timeline, as far as I can tell from this report. If Nott was in Azkaban, our beloved leader would be childless. Good luck getting the minister to sign off on that termination order."
"Fuck" said Harry "I just got outsmarted by a prisoner in a cell in Azkaban."
"In your defence, Director, a genius in a cell in Azkaban" said the Unspeakable "And you're not a great academic. Didn't even finish seventh year."
"Oh piss off, and burn the bloody report" said Harry.
"Well, good day to you too, you could be more polite to me, I am the director" said the unspeakable, standing to leave.
"You all look the same and don't sound human" said Harry. "You could have a badge or something."
"It's policy, and the buzzing is traditional. There are better voice disguise charms, but the department started with this one. It's all in 'The Department of Mysteries, a History'" they said.
"I haven't seen that book, I've seen all the histories in print, looking for birthday presents for the Minister" said Harry.
"We have the only copies" buzzed the Unspeakable, and left.
That night Harry flooed home, put down his briefcase and started eating the supper Kreacher had left for him.
Kreacher fetched a card from Effie she had apparently made.
"Happy Birthday Daddy" it read. It wasn't Harry's birthday for another five days, but Effie had started to understand that Daddy was often too busy for things like birthdays, and made cards a few days early.
As Harry gazed into the abyss that was his remaining reading in his briefcase, the fireplace flared and Delphini stumbled out in dressy robes "Hi Dad" she giggled.
"Delphini, are you drunk?" asked Harry.
"Dad I'm an adult, I can get drunk" said Delphini.
"Just take the potion, that's all I ask" said Harry.
"Daaad!" said Delphini, and she staggered off up the stairs. Too drunk to apparate evidently.
A bit later, Sirius Black apparated into the kitchen.
"Ah, the prodigal son returns" said Sirius. "Where were you at dinner time?"
"At work Sirius, I'm head of the DM bloody LE" said Harry looking up, glasses askew.
"Get home in time for dinner. You can spend all evening looking at bloody reports." said Sirius "Or hire someone to summarise. Delegation, it's called. It means not trying to do everything yourself."
"If I delegate it they might do it wrong" said Harry tightly.
"And if you never delegate, your assistants never learn, and when you eventually die, the DMLE will be helpless." said Sirius, sounding surprisingly wise.
"How'd you learn that?" asked Harry.
"Reading the history of the bloody war. Dumbledore didn't delegate, and left you three to stumble about for a year." said Sirius. Harry went to contradict Sirius, when the bit of Harry's mind that wrote and assessed after-action reviews said 'He's right, you know.'
Harry took a deep breath and exhaled "You're right about the war." he said.
"And today as well" said Sirius.
"No you're not" said Harry quickly. "This is different."