Harry Potter, Rotter
Part Five: A prideful woman's downfall
In which our hero discussions things like an adult with his parents
Harry ate breakfast under the watchful eye of Sirius.
Ron appeared, looking quite recently showered.
"Ron?" asked Harry.
"Oh hi Harry" said Ron "I uh…. Stayed overnight with Lavender. You know, my wife."
Harry remembered that; and something else niggled at his mind. Someone had messed about with time travel and … oh. Harry remembered. Theo Nott, who'd managed to do it without breaking the law.
Harry and Ron discussed the Quidditch league for a bit, and Daphne apparated in with a crack.
"Harry, Ron" she said, and sat down to eat breakfast.
"Um, Daphne" said Ron "Lavender and I are um."
Daphne nodded "Um" she said politely. "Teddy turned out fine, why worry."
Harry blinked, and thought about that "Ron, are you and Lavender going to try for a child?" he asked.
"Well, yeah" said Ron "All my friends have children, some of whom are finished Hogwarts. The healers say with Wolfsbane potion, and an animagus to keep her company, it should be all right."
"You're an animagus?" asked Daphne.
Ron nodded "Made it safe to be around Lavender at full moons, then once wolfsbane potion became subsidised, we could afford it."
"We pay for Lavender's wolfsbane potion" said Daphne "Just as a safety measure for our children."
"And I appreciate that" said Ron "but we can't live here forever?"
"Why not?" asked Harry "You're my best friend, and we've got loads of spare rooms, floors of the damn things."
"Perhaps Ron wants a home of his own" said Sirius "He's not family."
"Well, that's not entirely true" said Daphne "Cedrilla Black and Lucretia Prewitt. Both sides of his family."
"Oh" said Sirius thinking about that for a bit "Well, you're officially family. I suppose we should do something about the Manor and the other houses."
"I have asked Delphini to do that" said Daphne "she has graduated, and once she's had a little fun, she can tidy up the Manor. Our daughter is exceptionally powerful, and her repair charms are at least as good as Harry's."
"You didn't tell me you were making Delphini tidy up the manor" said Harry.
"It's a domestic matter" said Daphne "And besides, you're busy not delegating."
"ALL RIGHT" snapped Harry "I'll give Davis and Sue some instructions and… and…." said Harry.
"Not micromanage them to death?" asked Daphne sweetly.
"Oh I'm going to be resigning" said Ron casually "going to work for George, the business is expanding, and he's a bit snowed under, and his children are at a difficult age."
"They're fourteen" said Harry "They're at Hogwarts."
"George is hoping they'll get expelled" said Ron with a sigh "beat their old man at his own game."
"But Fred and Roxanne are good students" said Daphne "Minerva uses them as an example, of how they're not as badly behaved as, for example, James and Albus."
"Effie's good" said Harry quickly.
"Effie is a superlative child" said Daphne "Mother loves her best of all her grandchildren, even if she's half Weasley."
"Which is about quarter Black anyway" observed Sirius. Daphne nodded.
The fireplace flared green and the face of Professor McGonagall appeared "Harry Potter" she called out.
Harry dashed to the fire and slid on his knees to it "Minerva?" he asked urgently.
"Oh calm down Potter" said Professor McGonagall "Your son is shaking down students for betting monies in the great Hall."
"James" hissed Harry.
"Henry" said Professor McGonagall with a slight smile "A surprising result. Apparently he has won a substantial wager."
Sirius walked over and squatted "How big?" asked Sirius.
"He's taking fifteen galleons from many students" said Professor McGonagall "He has somehow performed quite the trick."
"A trick?" asked Harry.
"The Shrieking shack is turned one hundred and eighty degrees" said Professor McGonagall "And Henry is collecting. I suspect his clever, powerful sister."
Harry shook his head "Henry'd have no leverage" Harry replied. "So you called us."
"So I called his parents, as it appears the boy has collected several thousand galleons. At the very least they will need to go to Gringotts." said Professor McGonagall.
Daphne stood up and walked noisily over to the fireplace "Minerva, dear, can I come and find out what Henry is blackmailing his sister about. Before his father finds out and flies off the handle."
"I will NOT" said Harry, unconvincingly.
"I am going to send Henry through with his ill-gotten gains instead. You two can deal with your domestic issues at home." said Professor McGonagall, and her face disappeared, and with a green flare from the fireplace, Henry stepped out, holding a large tartan carpet-bag, that he put down quickly. It clinked.
Sirius looked down at Henry "You're favourite grandson now" he said "Minnie out of sorts, sent home from school. You're everything I could hope for."
"Sirius!" snapped Harry "Henry, what are you blackmailing your sister about." he asked, with a sigh.
"I swear that I'm not." said Henry "Not yet anyway" he added thoughtfully.
Daphne pointed to the carpet-bag "And yet you won a bet. To turn the shrieking shack."
"Well it could never be Henry" said Henry sarcastically "I live in the shadow of James and Al, and we all live under the shadow of Delphini, the great, the wise, the beautiful."
"Henry" asked Daphne "How did you make this money."
"Two thousand four hundred galleons" said Henry "And some little bounders haven't paid. Which shows they're morons."
" Two thousand four hundred galleons" said Harry, blinking "You made two thousand four hundred galleons on a bet"
"Fifteen galleons a bet, that I couldn't turn the shrieking shack right around" said Henry.
"And how did you do that, young man?" asked Daphne.
"The same way dad would, of course" said Henry "I'm his son, mum. You go on about it often enough."
Daphne rummaged in a robe pocket and took out a tiny model of her scale device, and put it on the floor, and waved her wand. The tiny model expanded to a full-size metal frame and scale. There were lead weights bolted to the frame.
"Henry, levitate the scale plate" said Daphne firmly.
Henry took out his wand and with a swish and a flick lifted the scale plate, and with a slow turn the scale indicated ten stone.
"And the rest" said Sirius. Henry twisted his wand subtly and the scale clanked around to thirty stone, and then the whole mechanism floated off the floor.
"And how long have you been able to do that?" asked Daphne.
"Everyone can" said Henry "Effie can lift the piano, everyone can."
Daphne crossed her arms "Are you telling me that Effie, at twelve can lift the piano?"
"Well duh" said Henry "James was all, Effie's just a little girl. Del turned him into a hamster, and Effie lifted the piano."
"All my children can levitate a grand piano?" asked Harry, pointedly ignoring that Delphini had turned James into a hamster.
"James and Al are a bit weak" said Henry "They can't lift the shrieking shack."
Daphne crossed her arms "And you didn't tell your mother, the countries premier researcher in the heritability of magical strength?"
"Well, you were going to make a fuss about it, but Peekes was all "You're not as powerful as your big sister, you're just a weakling… and then it kind of snowballed. James and Al had failed, so it was obvious nobody thought I could do it, and everyone knows we're rich, so everyone thought they were going to make fifteen galleons" said Henry.
"I'll take my favourite grandson to Gringotts then back to Hogwarts" said Sirius "After all, you two need to have a fight then go to work."
Henry perked up, and Sirius took the carpet bag and flooed off to the Leaky, Henry following.
"He's powerful" said Harry "He's always been the good one" he protested.
"Of course" said Daphne "He's mine."
"And James can't" said Harry.
"Prob'ly cause we're related" said Ron casually "So my sister, your ex is a cousin."
"A distant cousin" retorted Harry "Like a fourth cousin or something."
"Third cousin once removed" said Daphne snidely "It's on the tapestry."
"You already knew I was related to Ginny?" asked Harry, scratching the back of his head.
"Well, distantly. Nobody used to bother with that. I will point out that my bloodline is more different to yours than Ginevra's. Which is why Henry is more powerful." said Daphne "As you observed, of all the pure-blood witches, I'm the most powerful in our year. I have since verified that Andromeda and Narcissa can both manage nineteen stone. A very good result indeed for pure-bloods in England."
"And Sirius does nineteen" said Ron "There is something very magical in the Black family. So inbred yet still powerful." he added sarcastically.
"But alas, watering down in every generation" said Daphne "I can see people who didn't experiment carefully might be deluded into marrying their first cousins to try to keep the power and money in the family."
"She's a third cousin" snapped Harry. Daphne smiled slightly.
"The Blacks did something, didn't they" asked Ron thoughtfully "To be so powerful."
"I suspect blood magics" said Daphne "But theories abound in the office."
"Do tell?" asked Harry as blandly as he could.
"Well, powerful, metamorphmagi, bad tempers, and some have violet eyes" said Daphne "My colleague Tooth-Puller thinks interbreeding with high elves. They're a class five X creature, and humanoid, so that might be it. It would be along time ago. Nobody's seen a high elf since iron weapons were invented. One cut kills them stone dead supposedly."
Silence in the room.
"So um" said Ron "You want to do some tests on Sirius, don't you?"
"No" said Daphne "Tooth-Puller wants to, and he never gets research approval for things. Too many experiments include the subject dying."
Harry crossed his arms "Your lot actually have an approvals and controls process?"
"Of course we do." said Daphne "Or the world wouldn't last till teatime on Wednesday."
Over Dinner, Daphne asked Sirius a question. Not one Harry was expecting.
"Sirius, may we use Black island in the Caribbean?" asked Daphne "I'm feeling like a tropical holiday with my husband."
"A what?" asked Harry "I'm busy."
"You've got holiday leave owing" said Daphne firmly.
Sirisu looked thoughtful "It's decent weather there right now" he said.
"Our honeymoon was there" said Daphne "And we went in the rainy season. It was dire."
"Harry, go on holiday with your wife." said Sirius.
"You can't just tell me to go on holiday" protested Harry.
"Harry, you need to delegate. A week on holiday will let your assistants find their feet. You can be portkeyed back in the event of disaster, like say, Henry turning Hogwarts inside-out." said Sirius. "Brilliant boy" he added with a grin.
Daphne smiled smugly.
"Oh, and I doubled his winnings" said Sirius "Approving grandpa and all that."
"You gave him two and a half thousand galleons for playing a trick?" asked Harry.
"I gave him two and a half thousand galleons for seizing the opportunity to make two and a half thousand galleons from children who didn't believe in him" said Sirius "He's your son Harry, of course he's going to be amazing. Oh and of course, Daphne's … which is where he gets his brains from."
"Well, as we've got the holiday destination booked, I can start making preparations" said Daphne smugly "applying for leave. Much like my husband will be applying for leave."
The next day, Daphne had just finished a soft-boiled egg when she said idly "Harry, I've been thinking about some more children"
Harry spluttered coffee all over the table and coughed. Ron helpfully slapped him on the back.
"More children?" asked Harry, pale, and he grabbed a peice of toast and started spreading marmalade on it somewhat frantically.
"Like Henry." said Daphne "The well-behaved, very powerful child, the boy with light brown hair and green eyes, your son Henry?"
"Won't that" said Harry "interfere with your career?"
"Hermione has an idea about that" said Daphne.
Harry put his butter-knife down. "An idea?" he asked, dreading the answer.
"Surrogates" said Daphne "The muggles have it quite perfected, and a little confounding at the beginning and there is an old spell to move a pregnancy."
"A dark spell" said Sirius waving a croissant "But keep talking."
"So I was thinking Harry, about a few more children. Delphini and Teddy have left Hogwarts, and Albus, Henry James and Effie are at school all year. And of course Lavender is great with children, and as Sirius has decreed, is practically family anyway."
"And that Henry can lift a small building has nothing to do with it?" asked Harry.
"Well, a bit" said Daphne "But also, there's this old witches' tale about seventh children being more powerful. I'd like to verify that."
"Seven… six more?" asked Harry "This place would be a zoo!"
"We have enough bedrooms" said Sirius blandly.
"And you'd have your own quidditch team" said Daphne, and she smiled with a gleam in her eye.
-==0==-
Harry unpacked his beach shirt and swimming trunks, and looked around the ill-fated cabin.
Daphne was unpacking a collection of vase-shaped crystal bottles, filled with pink liquid.
"Potions?" asked Harry.
"Alchemical retorts" said Daphne "For the children."
"The children?" asked Harry.
"The ones were're going to conceive" said Daphne "I'll store them in the retorts till I get back home, then the muggle healer can pop them into the surrogates."
Harry counted bottles "There's eight" he said.
"Well, if we only had seven, we can't tell if the eighth is more powerful still" said Daphne. She pursed her lips "And to be honest the process isn't a hundred percent guaranteed, so some spares."
"Don't ever call them spares" said Harry hastily "That word and I don't get along."
Daphne kept unpacking, throwing some small coloured fabric and string triangles on the bed.
"Where's your bikini?" asked Harry.
Daphne pointed "Three bikinis. "
"They're… small" said Harry.
"We're alone on the island Harry." said Daphne "You did want to see me in a bikini, I recall." she said, and started unbuttoning her robes. Harry watched, in increasing discomfort as Daphne removed her robe, her underwear, and put on a skimpy orange bikini that… blimey.
Daphne turned around "What do you think?" she asked "I'll need to you help me rub the sunscreen in, I just can't reach my back."
Harry couldn't stop staring at the pair of orange triangles and string, and the white bulges they supported.
Daphne shook her chest, setting the bikini clad bust wiggling. Harry's mouth opened, and his hands lifted.
"Oh, got your attention, have I?" asked Daphne.
"Mmmmh" said Harry incoherently.
Fourteen days later, eight alchemical retorts glinting with magic, Harry, with a noticeable tan, in bleached shorts, with a slight paunch, poked the sizzling barbecuing meat with a long fork, "You want tomatoes with that?" he called out.
Daphne, now tanned and lying naked on a towel in the sun said "I want a salad with my steak, Harry. Honestly."
"That's not what you said last night" siad Harry.
"That" said Daphne, rolling over on the towel "Was taken out of context."
"Have you got enough sunscreen on?" asked Harry over the sizzling of the steaks.
"You used both hands to rub it into my skin, and I doubt my crevices needed that much thrust into them" said Daphne.
"Did you find it unpleasant?" asked Harry.
"Did I hex you in the balls?" Daphne replied.
"You did bite" said Harry.
"You were in too far. I could hardly say "pull out" said Daphne "We have to go home tomorrow."
"Pity" muttered Harry.
"What was that ?" asked Daphne.
"Nothing dear" said Harry, flicking his wand and setting a knife in motion, chopping vegetables for salad.
Daphne sat at the small table naked, eating steak and salad, while Harry ogled.
"Oy, put a wrap on. How am I supposed to eat dinner if you're naked" complained Harry.
"Well, slowly" said Daphne "Chewing your food, not reading paperwork."
"The novel you're reading is a transfigured tome" said Harry.
"I wanted to catch up in some background reading" said Daphne "And I did spend a lot of time swimming and walking on the beach, shagging you on the beach, in the ocean, on the bed."
"It's been very nice" said Harry politely.
"Well as it's our last night" said Daphne "I was thinking for dessert, we could have toasted marshmallows."
"You had marshmallows?" asked Harry, finally looking Daphne in the eyes.
"I wanted to encourage you to eat healthier" said Daphne "And you've done very well."
-==0==-
Harry put on some trousers and a jersey, and Daphne put on underwear and a dress, and then Daphne carefully packed the numbered alchemical retorts into the travel bag, and dropped the bikinis in the bag, and closed it.
"You never even wore those" siad Harry, nuzzling her neck as he stood behind her.
"We have to go home Harry." said Daphne soflty "A big warm bed, and our family." Harry kissed the nape of her neck, and Daphne sighed "Come on, my hero" she said "time to go home."
Harry and Daphne held the wooden spoon that was the portkey, and Harry tapped it with his wand "activate" he said, and they spiralled off into the distance.
Harry and Daphne landed in the drawing room, on the carpet, and stood up.
"Mum!" said Delphini, getting up from her couch and hugging Daphne "You got a tan."
Daphne smiled "It was over thirty every day dear. Lots of sun, a bit of potion."
Delphini looked down at Daphne's dress front "Mum, no tan lines?"
"It's a private island dear" said Daphne, patting Delphini on the back. Delphini's hair-tips went a bit greenish.
"Delphini" said Harry "Don't I get a hug?"
"Dad" said Delphini and let a slightly blushing Daphne go, and hugged Harry.
"Did dad get an all over tan too?" asked Delphini.
"You father decided his didn't want sun on his bits" said Daphne blandly "And besides, sunscreen tastes bad. He did manage to horribly bleach his beach shorts."
Delphini's hair-tips went bottle green "Muuum!" she said.
"I had to get the octopus ink out" Harry said. "There was no risk of that, not with your mother running around naked."
"So all the retorts are full?" asked Delphini, with a blush.
"Yes, we've got eight siblings waiting for surrogates" said Daphne in a business-like tone "how has cleaning up Black Manor gone?"
"Rot, mother. So much Rot." siad Delphini "Grandfather graciously let my buy replacement timbers, and the roofers will have the leaks fixed by midsummer, probably."
"Oh" said Harry "How's that château?"
"I haven't had time to get to mine" said Delphini "Yours, well, grandfathers' smells. Dry rot, rising damp and owls and bats. So much poop in the attics."
"And will be fixed when?" asked Harry.
"Four weeks" said Delphini "Could have gone faster but apparently, according to Effie, the bats are endangered."
"And why is Effie involved?" asked Harry.
"Well, two Hogsmeade weekends, we had a family meetings" said Delphini "At the Three Broomsticks."
"Effies not old enough for Hogsmeade" said Daphne.
"Honeydukes tunnel" said Delphini blandly "James decided she needed to come, and just as well. The muggles will put you in jail for killing endangered bats."
"Not that that matters to us" said Daphne.
"Mum, all we had to do was put up some bat-boxes and fence off some unused attic spaces." said Delphini "Besides, they make the most adorable clouds at sunset as the come out of the chateau."
"Well done dear" said Harry. "Have you thought what you want to do after Hogwarts yet?"
"The department, for example?" asked Daphne, sitting on a couch and crossing her legs elegantly.
"Mum, nah." said Delphini "I'm thinking maybe healing."
"Really?" asked Daphne enthusiastically.
"Mum, I'm still thinking about it" said Delphini "Besides, there's going to be a huge load of little sisters and brothers in ten months."
"Well, they're in the bag" said Daphne "And no dear, I don't have an extra in my belly, which reminds me" Daphne clicked her fingers and Krecher appeared.
"Krecher, dear, bring me the silver potion bottle from my dresser" said Daphne.
The old elf vanished, and reappeared moments later with a pint bottle of silver potion, which Daphe used the measuing cap to take some of.
"Mum!" said Delphini "A jumbo sized bottle"
"Your father is insatiable" said Daphne drily "Thank you Kreacher." she sad and handed the bottle back. Kreahcer vanished.
Harry tapped Delphini on the arm "Let me go dear, your old dad needs to sit down."
"Are you all right dad?" asked Delphini, her hair tips going red.
"International portkey" said Harry "I just need to sit down for a bit."
Delphini let Harry go, and he sat on the couch, coincidentally next to Daphne and groaned.
"Delphini darling , could you play the piano?" asked Daphne. Delphini rolled her eyes and walked to the piano stool and sat, strethced and began to play from memory.
She looked over at her parents a minuite later and Harry was lying back on the couch, one arm over Daphne's shoudlers smiling. Daphne was sitting back, smiling slightly, and looking contened.
"That's our daughter" murmured Daphne as Delphini played.
"She's great" said Harry "But I love all of them."
"Well you could tell them that sometimes" said Daphne quietly, as the piano music shifted and changed.
"Go on mum" said Delphini "You can do this"
Daphne sang along to the piano, a strange melody, all in Latin, high and haunting.
Harry closed his eyes, as tears slid down his cheeks. He sobbed.
Daphne stopped singing and Delphini abruptly stopped playing.
"Are you all right Harry?" asked Daphne.
"Can't I cry at beautiful sad music in my own home?" said Harry.
"You think it's beautiful?" croaked Daphne.
"Of course. I love your singing. Is your throat all right?" asked Harry.
"I'm fine" said Daphne "Delphini, again from the beginning perhaps."
Harry's soul was carried away into the night one more, and he cried.
Delphini and Daphne finished their song and Daphne turned her head the look at Harry, who was sitting, smiling, his cheeks tear-stained.
"I should" sniffled Harry "Have got you to sing more. You have a beautiful voice."
"Thank you, and Delphini is a quite accomplished pianist" said Daphne. "Well done dear."
Delphini smile nervously "Is dad okay?" she asked.
"I've never seen him like this, but he's not complaining." said Daphne.
"I'll complain tomorrow when there's no song" said Harry.
"The I'll simply have to sing again tomorrow" said Daphne.
"Tomorrow?" asked Harry, sniffling.
"Always. Thought I will want to practice some different songs." said Daphne.
"Always?" asked Harry, sitting up and turning to Daphne "Always?"
"Well I can't divorce you, so yes, always. You silly man." said Daphne. "I will require the manor to have some flying horses. My other children are going to have a more outdoorsy upbringing."
"There's your mothers horses" said Harry.
"What if I want to go hunting with my husband?" asked Daphne "As one does."
Harry nodded "Well, Delphini I think I need to go have a lie down." he said.
Daphne nodded "International portkey then singing a whole song, I'm tired. I'll see you at dinner, with Uncle Sirius, I expect" said Daphne.
"Mum, I get it, you're going off to shag dad. I'm not eight" said Delphini.
Harry stood up and held out his hand "Side-along" he said, not even denying it.
Daphne stood up and clung to his chest, and they vanished in a crack of disapparation.
Delphini opened the bag and waved to the jars "Hello little brothers and sisters. This is weird even for our family, but you're all ready to grow now."
-==0==-
Daphne went back to work two days later, having been busy with muggle doctors.
Harry sat at his desk in the DMLE and read the summaries his assistants had written. They sat, all four of them, waiting,
"I've been away two weeks" said Harry finally "And this place has run quite adequately. Can one of you explain what exactly I am here For?"
"Erm," said the head of the Auror office.
"Wheeks" said Harry, and the head of DMLE prosecutions looked up and blinked her limpid brown eyes "Yes sir?"
"You're on notice" said Harry and Wheeks shrank in her chair.
"On notice to be head of DMLE. I don't need to do this, and I've got a lot going on at home." corrected Harry.
"Head of DMLE?" asked Jenny Wheeks.
"Your report is half the length of everyone else's, and they all have the telltale signs of your corrections." said Harry.
"This was a test?" asked Peirce, the head of the Auror office.
"Life is a test, Peirce" said Harry "Not knocking your efforts, but Wheeks could do my job."
"But dark lords" said Wheeks nervously.
"If the Auror office can't deal with it, we're doing something wrong" said Harry "One of my children will probably join, you're covered for that, then, because frankly, I'm getting too old for this shit."
-==0==-
Harry, sitting in the drawing room, took out the resurrection stone and rolled it.
Two people appeared; Harry's mother and father.
"To sign for an arranged marriage" said Harry's mother stridently "That goes against everything your father and I ever believed in"
Harry gave a deep sigh.
"Now, you go apologise to Ginny Weasley, and Daphne" said Lily "Having two wives, really!"
"One wife and a concubine" corrected Harry.
"I never meant for my son to be an arsehole" said Lily "I blame your father."
"It's not my fault. I was dead too" said James, looking up from a bottle of wine he was inspecting. "Not my fault at all" muttered James.
"If that valentine had gone to anyone other than Ginny Weasley, this all would have turned out differently" said Lily.
"Hedwig would never make a mistake." said Harry "She took the letter to Ginny like I told her to."
"No, you told her, unless I'm mistaken take it to Ginny Weasley, then said the Prettiest girl in Hogwarts. If that owl of yours had regarded that as a re-addressing, you'd have sent poor Daphne that valentine."
"Hah" said James, looking along the wine bottle to check the sediment "Divination by flight of birds. That's one of the proper kinds isn't it?"
"Marlene said it was, and she could scry" admitted Lily.
On the other side of the drawing room door, Daphne Black bit her lip. All changed on the flight of a bird eh? Well, that was Ornithomancy, and Director Croaker had mentioned the whole divination loophole. Get one, apparently quite snotty white owl to change her mind in ninety-six? How hard could that be, given that the chronoprobe was still charged from the abortive Nott incident.
It was a different section of the Department, but she had so much leverage, as everyone had a dead relative, or famous witch or wizard they wanted to talk to, and she had the monopoly on the tools.
-==0==-
"Slicer, if you get caught, they'll press for Azkaban, at least" said Grinder, who worked in the Time rooms.
"I'm sending one, tiny charm for a bird. Just increasing its personality traits by a smidgin" said Daphne, holding the runic array made from slate and chalk carefully. Carefully chosen to resist time-changes.
She opened the secret door to the chrono-probe, followed Grinder in, and walked the long, swaying catwalk to the transfer chamber, opened the door on the side of the egg-shaped capsule, put the array on the seat, and holding her wand to it, charged it till it glowed golden. She closed the door and walked carefully back along the catwalk to the controls.
"Hogwarts, February the fourteenth, nineteen ninety-six, the olwery" she said "One tiny enhancement to the personality of an owl familiar." she said, sounding calm, but her hands were sweating inside her gloves.
Grinder painstakingly focused the probe on the owlery at Hogwarts, then set the date. "We need the interlock key from Director Croaker, and the one from DMLE" said Grinder. "Can't fire it without both."
Daphne took a key from her pocket "The DMLE key" she said "And coincidentally," she said reaching into her other robe pocket "Our Key"
"Um… can I ask how you got Croaker's key?" asked Grinder.
"No" said Slicer "You can probably guess. Everyone wants to meet some famous dead person, in Croaker's case… a predecessor who left tantalising notes."
Slicer and Grinder turned the keys in unison and the massive chronoprobe shuddered on it's rubber mounts. A little bell went 'ting'.
"Well that's done" said G –
The locked door opened and Croaker came in with a couple of assistants.
"Slicer, you're suspended, pending separation proceedings" said Croaker.
"But" said Daphne.
"Oh you really think I'd give you the real key. It dumped into the sump." said Croaker "But unauthorised meddling is illegal and attempting it is grounds for termination of employment."
Daphne's hand clenched into fists "This job means everything to me!" she protested loudly.
"Not as much as whatever you attempted today." said Croaker "Trying to rearrange reality to suit yourself. Peeker, Blinder, take her the front door, recover any departmental property she's carrying and add her to the barred list."
"But my research!" said Daphne, face going blotchy, tears in her eyes.
"We'll live, I'm sure" said Croaker.
...
A blotchy-faced Daphne Greengrass in a work robe was ejected from the front door of the department of mysteries. She stood stock still, conjured up a mirror, and cast a few spells, her eyes getting less puffy, the tears drying up, her makeup crawling back into perfect arrangement. She put her wand in her sleeve, and strode off.
Daphne got out on the second floor, and pushed through Aurors and Hit-Wizards, making slow progress along the crowded corridors, till she got to a desk outside a door marked Director.
The secretary, a brown haired man with a beard looked up. "Mrs Black" he said politely.
"Steve" she said "I need to see my husband. It's personal and very important" she sniffed, and the sound of a blocked nose sniffing cut through the chatter. Steve blinked "Um… Director Potter's very busy today… but… I suppose …. it's important" he said. Daphne nodded precisely.
Steve pressed a brass button on his desk "Boss, it's Mrs Black. She's… upset, needs to see you now."
Muffled noises came from the desk.
Steve pressed a button "He'll see you now" said Steven and Daphne headed towards the door, which opened, and Daphne swept into Harry's slightly messy office.
Harry was sitting behind the desk looking tired. "Yes Daphne?"
Daphne jabbed her wand at the door, which shut, and she waved it about.
"I've been suspended. Croaker doesn't care about my research" she said, and sniffled.
Harry froze. "You've been suspended?" Harry asked.
"It wasn't illegal" said Daphne firmly.
"What did you do?" asked Harry.
"I just… I had an idea about how to improve our lives, and … I tried sending a little charm back in time. Croaker betrayed me, gave me a fake key for the chronoprobe" Daphne said.
"You… tried to change time?" asked Harry slowly.
"One tiny rune sequence to make your old owl a teensy tiny bit more assertive. That was all. Quite legal." said Daphne.
Harry closed his eyes and visibly counted to twenty, his lips moving.
"And what was the scheme?" asked Harry, not opening his eyes.
"You sent Ginny Weasley a valentine, and with the wording, a slightly more opinionated owl would have given the valentine to someone else." said Daphne.
Harry still hadn't opened his eyes. "That one?" asked Harry "Prettiest girl in Hogwarts?"
"Which was clearly me" said Daphne. "We could have skipped all of this… unpleasantness and been together in sixth year."
Harry's eyes snapped open "You fancied me in sixth year?" asked Harry, in a gasp.
"Everyone fancied Harry Potter" said Daphne. "Tall, dark, brooding, gorgeous eyes, kissable lips, tight quidditch player's body, and powerful" she said huskily.
Harry swallowed "Everyone?" asked Harry.
"Oh please. Everyone except Millie, who thought you were too weedy and Pansy who was pining over Draco" said Daphne.
"And your sister, who had a crush on Draco" said Harry.
Daphne raised one eyebrow "Everyone else" she said firmly. "There were some very racy suggestions in dorms."
"Bloody hell" croaked Harry.
"Now, Croaker only did this because I'm so close to getting my own department, could you please, pretty please put in a good word with Hermione, I only need the Veil and a few offices." said Daphne.
"I'll think about it" said Harry.
Daphne "Well" she said, licking her lips deliberately "You could comfort me right now. On your desk. You apparently like that sort of thing according to the Prophet."
"I'm at work" said Harry "I have a lot of paperwork to read."
"You need to delegate more" said Daphne.
"Sirius said, it's in hand" said Harry dismissively.
Daphne unbuttoned her robe collar.
"What are you doing?" asked Harry.
"I'm going to make an oral pleading" said Daphne, pulling her robe off over her head, and revealing her slip and camisole, which she took off.
"You can't just strip off in my office" said Harry uncomfortably "I have meetings."
Daphne walked around the desk in her knickers and bra, and turned Harry's chair "I'm sure I won't take too long" she said, and knelt in front of Harry's legs.
"Oh" said Harry.
[Indecency happens. Harry is a weak man, and Daphne knows his weaknesses.]
Daphne got dressed
"I tell you what… you get me a department… and I'll spend the day under your desk with cushioning charms" said Daphne, licking her lips. Harry covered is face with his hands. "Slytherin witches" he complained.
-==0==-
Over dinner "with friends" that night, which Harry just barely got to on time, Sirius observed "I'm told you still haven't started really delegating, Harry. I'll be cutting off your wife's allowance until you do."
Daphne stared straight at Harry.
"Hermione" asked Harry "About that proposal?"
"There's no public good in giving Daphne her own bloody department" said Hermione "I'm not going to be as corrupt as say… Fudge." Theo nodded. He always just nodded.
"And I have a proposal, Minister for the Department of Necromancy's first public works project" said Daphne blandly.
"Giving people a quiet talk to dead loved ones isn't a particularity good public good." said Hermione crossly "People died…. No offence intended Sirius."
"Exactly" said Daphne "And Voldemort left us a lake full of dis-animated inferrii. Some may be candidates for resurrection. We can get the souls back, and pop them back into the bodies. Most would have died from killing curses."
"Reggie drowned" said Sirius bluntly "My brother's in that damn lake."
"His body is in the lake" said Daphne "His soul will be in the land of the dead. Somewhere."
"Exciting as that is, resurrecting Sirius's brother isn't a public good" said Hermione. "We need education, training, there is a real shortage of witches and wizards with useful skills since the war."
"Everyone" said Harry suddenly. "Everyone in the lake. There are hundreds of people in there. All someone's family. They all have some skills or other.."
"Some might be muggles" said Daphne.
"Memory charm, permanent ageing potion" said Hermione. Everyone stared at her. "Oh come on. You think muggles don't deserve to have their wives, husbands, sons, daughters back?"
"It's been years" said Harry.
"Shut up Harry" said Hermione. "I'll see about getting you access for one proof of concept. Obviously Regulus, as he's the last addition to the lake. Oh and Harry, start delegating. Consider that an official order."
…
The next morning the Daily Prophet proudly announced 'Daphne Black leaves Ministry department in disgrace, charged with peculation.'
Daphne went very white in the face and her hands shook as she held the paper.
"Hermione, could you please help me" said Daphne politely "I was not peculating."
"The Daily Prophet publish what they want" said Hermione "I would never interfere with the free operation of the media. As Minister, I must be seen to be above reproach."
Harry sneezed out something that could have sounded like "jamjar," to a dismissive look from Hermione.
"If you like I can make a press release that you were terminated for attempting to use your position for personal gain" said Hermione blandly.
Daphne sniffed. "It's so embarrassing."
"Yes you got caught" said Harry.
-==0==-
Two weeks later over breakfast, featuring all the adults, Hermione and Sirius and Delphini, Daphne said "I'll be gone… probably two days."
"You what?" asked Delphini "Mum!"
"You mother has a project" said Harry blandly.
"Is it dangerous?" asked Delphini.
"It's not without it's risks" admitted Daphne.
"Dad!" said Delphini "You can't let mum do that. Whatever it is."
"You mother is a very capable witch" said Harry. "I'm sure she can handle it."
"I could use Kreacher for some of it. Delphini could come I suppose" said Daphne.
"Certainly not" said Harry "She's just a child. And her training's mostly in healing anyway. If you're going there and you feel you need backup I'll assign an Auror."
"Who can keep their mouth shut" said Daphne.
"I'll send Harry Potter" said Hermione. "He knows that place… and is still probably capable of defending anyone from… the inferii."
"Mum!" said Delphini "Those things are Dangerous!"
"Your father fought them off at sixteen dear." said Daphne casually.
"I do have a job to do" said Harry.
-==0==-
Hermione's office was very cluttered with paperwork and huge wall-charts.
"What do you really think about the plan?" asked Harry.
"You're on detached duty as Daphne's security detail, Director Potter. You'll be delegating for a few days." said Hermione over her cup of tea.
"I …. okay" said Harry.
"Okay?" asked Hermione.
"I was going to quit, but I suppose working under Daphne will be fine." said Harry.
"No fornicating at work" said Hermione blandly "Who should replace you, if you're quitting?"
"Wheeks." said Harry "I have sort of… lost the plot a bit."
"Lost the plot?" asked Hermione.
"Well after the war, it was all finding the death eaters, and stopping the war happening again… and now… I've been doing this for nearly twenty years." said Harry.
"You are permanently transferred to the Department of Necromancy as head of security" said Hermione. "Tell Wheeks to drop by, I'll make it official. I don't expect the job to be full-time, as you and Daphne are expecting anyway."
-==0==-
Harry side-along apparated Daphne to the sea-cave. He felt tripwire spells going off.
"We triggered an alarm" said Daphne quietly.
"Alerting uncle Tom" said Harry "Nobody's listening."
"Well, where is this lake of inferii?" asked Daphne.
"Through there" said Harry, pointing at the wall "Blood lock"
"Blood lock" said Daphne "A sacrifice lock?"
Harry shrugged and cut his palm, and smeared it on the wall of the cave, that vanished, making the passage to the crystal cave.
"And what's on the island that's glowing?" asked Daphne.
"Poisoned potion" said Harry "Where Tom hid a Horcrux till Regulus took it out."
"And where's Regulus?" asked Daphne.
"In the lake obviously" said Harry.
"I meant, get him out. Honestly" said Daphne.
"Accio Regulus Black's corpse" said Harry, and with a flick, a floating pale body broke the surface of the water, towed towards them by the summoning spell, finally lifting out of the water, at which point, the limp corpse sprang to life, or a semblance of it, arms clawing, legs working in midair.
Harry swished and flicked his wand, leaving his undead uncle dripping, his rotten black robes mostly covering his white, grotesque body. The inferii snarled liquidly, water gushing from it's mouth.
"Tip him out" said Daphne "We need air in those lungs eventually."
Harry flicked his wand, and Regulus floated high in the air, and Harry flicked his wand and cast a dangling jinx on the inferii; which drained of water, and it started to growl.
"Well, dry it off and shrink it" said Daphne "I've got a jar" wand with that, she took a wide mouthed preserving jar with a hinged lid from her robe packet and placed it on the ground, lid hanging to one side. "It's charmed impervious" she added.
Harry dried, right-way-upped and shrank the inferii, which landed in the jar like a possessed 'dark wizard' action figure. Daphne flicked her wand and the jar closed, the lid locking down.
Daphne picked up the jar, and the inferii banged on the sides, making a faint tink tink noise.
She put uncle Regulus in her pocket "Well, we'll need to get rid of that blood-locked doorway, but so far so good."
Harry reopened the door, healed his hand and said "The ministry atrium perhaps, Director?"
"Well, we really should get him in containment before lunch" said Daphne.
The Regulus inferii clawed and growled inside the metal cage next to the dais of the veil of death.
"Right" said Daphne, opening a huge black spellbook "To un-inferii him."
Harry pointed his wand at the growling creature and cast a generic 'fininte incantaten.' Nothing happened.
"Honestly Harry, if it was that easy, this book would be a single page" said Daphne.
"What is the book anyway?"
"The jumbo dark magic removal compendium." said Daphne "And it's dashed expensive."
A day later, Daphne cast a spell while Harry carefully flicked chicken blood on Regulus with a chickens foot. The inferii paused in it's growling attempt to claw through the bars of the cage momentarily.
"I think that did something" said Harry, and Daphne lifted her wand. The second time, the Regulus inferii fell down in a foul-smelling heap.
"Now to fix the damage" said Daphne, taking a small blue book out of her robe pocket.
"What's that?" asked Harry.
"Funeral charms. Spells to preserve and put back together dead bodies" said Daphne.
"I suppose" mused Harry "if this doesn't work, we can just bury him in the family graveyard."
"Shush, I'm working" said Daphne. Harry idly fiddled with his wand and started tossing and catching it.
"Can you stop doing that" said Daphne.
"I'm a bit bored" said Harry.
"Well how about you put Regulus back together then!" said Daphne.
Harry took the blue spellbook, and looked in the index.
"It'll be under, turning badly bitten waterlogged inferii back into humans" said Daphne sarcastically.
"I'm reading the index" said Harry "A drowning tidy-up spell last, and an animal bites spell first. I'm not sure about the middle."
...
An almost freshly-dead looking Regulus Black lay inside the cage.
"Still looks inferii-ish" said Harry thoughtfully.
"Malaria" said Daphne "A malaria death tidy-up spell." she said and checked the index, frowning "It's a ritual not a spell." she said, looking thoughtful.
"What do we need?" asked Harry.
"Fat" said Daphne. "Human by preference"
"My dad belly" said Harry "You complain about it enough"
"Harry, the ritual needs fat in a bowl. You are not dead." said Daphne.
Harry went to the cafetaria and returned with a lump of butter on a plate "Fat" said Harry.
The malaria death tidy-up ritual left Regulus looking… dead and still rather disgusting, but more human.
"Two pounds of butter" said Harry "One cutter, a quick episky, and done."
"Harry, I'm not performing bad surgery on you. Muggles might do that sort of thing, but I just want you to eat less sugar and fat and get some exercise" said Daphne "So you'll live longer. I'm selfish that way."
Harry frowned "You want me to live longer?" he asked.
"Of course I want you around" said Daphne "I do love you, you know."
"You… love me?" asked Harry, scratching the back of his head "But it's an arranged marriage."
"And I came out of it… lucky" said Daphne "You're literally the greatest hero in the world."
"A lot of that was luck" cautioned Harry.
"And I was lucky to be married to you" said Daphne. "Not every girl gets six O's as her first time with her husband."
Harry smiled wryly at that "Bloody Hermione. I thought those were going to be her trousers and jersy, not her mum's."
"You pervert" said Daphne mildly. "Now go get some more butter."
Harry came back half an hour later with a plate of wobbly yellow fat. "St Mungos will do anything I ask for" said Harry smugly "Genuine dad belly fat."
"Harry!" said Daphne, but performed the ritual anyway. Regulus's corpse looked… quite human and quite dead by the end.
"Well, one quick trip to the land of the dead, and we can see how he starts up" said Daphne.
"Shouldn't you warn him first?" asked Harry "Just use the stone, call him up, tell him you're coming."
"It's not like there are directions or landmarks" said Daphne "I'll just have to search for him."
Harry went and with a flick of his wand, cut a lock of Hair from Regulus's head, which he handed to Daphne "The part calls to the whole, or something?" said Harry, scratching his chin.
"What, divination?" asked Daphne. "I can try, I suppose."
"We can't do a lake-full just stumbling around" said Harry "We need a fast quick way."
"You're serious about doing the whole lake-full" said Daphne.
"I'm Harry, Sirius is my godfather." said Harry "Take the hair, if it doesn't work we know something that doesn't work." Daphne declined to give Harry's dad joke any reaction.
Daphne rolled the stone on her palm, and a ghostly Regulus Black faded into sight. He looked to be in his late teens, with slightly wavy hair.
"What the blazes!" he exclaimed "Necromancy?"
"Welcome to the department of Necromancy, Regulus Black "said Daphne politely "I'm the head of department, Daphne Black, and you're part of a pilot programme. Your earthly remains are over there" Daphne pointed at the cage.
"Who's he?" asked Regulus.
"Harry Potter-Black. Currently, heir Black, since your brother Sirius was dragged out of the veil of death" said Harry "Before that I was the last Black... by adoption. Daphne's my wife, and I used to be the head of the department of magical law enforcement."
Regulus's shade flinched.
"Don't worry, your work in helping eliminate Voldemort was very useful" said Harry. "I opened the locket and killed the horcrux, and all the others, and then Voldemort."
"Am I in trouble" asked Regulus, who was only eighteen to look at.
"Not as such" said Harry "You're more dead than anything else" he addeed sarcastically.
"I was.. one of his" said Regulus.
"And I feel that as you died stopping him that sort of evens out" said Harry. "The current Minister is a close personal friend, so we feel you'll be a law-abiding citizen."
"I'm dead" said Regulus "I can't possess my dead body. Everyone knows that."
"We're going to come to the land of the dead, and drag your soul back through, then pop you back in your mortal coils" said Daphne "This will be an experiment, but there's every chance it will work."
"And if it doesn't?" asked Regulus.
"You're already dead" said Harry drily.
Daphne rolled the stone, and Regulus faded out.
"Wish me luck" siad Daphne, putting the cloak on, holding the stone in one hand and the elder wand in the other.
"Come back safely" said Harry.
"As long as I've got the stone, I'm safe" said Daphne.
"Uh" said Harry, and he rummaged in his mokeskin pouch, and recovered a twisted silver ring, which he set on the desk "Repair that, it holds the ring."
"Why me?" asked Daphne.
"Because it'll need the elder wand" explained Harry.
Daphne spelled the ring back to shape, and put the stone in it, and melted the hooks to hold the stone, and put it on her right ring finger.
"Now you can't drop it" said Harry "I've dropped the damn thing before."
Daphne put the cloak on and vanished, and the veil of death parted, and reformed.
Harry looked at Regulus's waterlogged rotten robes, and went for a walk, returning a lot later with a respectable black robe, a pair of shoes and a pair of pink boxers. He piled them next to the corpse.
After a bit, a bored Harry switching-charmed the clothes onto Regulus and vanished the rotten cloth.
Harry sat and fidgeted for a bit, and finally started reading the black spellbook instead.
Quite some time later, Daphne staggered out of of the veil of death, dropping the cloak on the floor, and pulling a ghostly Regulus Black out of the veil. The ghost of Regulus seemed to snap out of the veil, and then bobbed about, blinking.
"Is this being a ghost?" asked Regulus.
Harry looked up from the tome he'd been reading "Hopefully not" said Harry.
Daphne cracked her neck "I'm hoping Regulus can just slip in and animate his corpse." she said.
"Okay" said Regulus "Wasn't I chewed up and drowned?"
"We've cleaned you up a bit" said Daphne, walking over to the tome, hip-checking Harry to one side and flicking to a page.
"Okay Regulus, try getting into your corpse" said Daphne.
Regulus's corpse slid into the corpse, which twitched.
"Hmm" said Daphne, and cast a spell using the elder wand onto the corpse.
The corpse jolted and made a single rasping gasp.
Harry walked over and looked carefully at the corpse "Not alive" he said.
"Maybe shock it" said Daphne, and she fired a small lightning bolt at Regulus's corpse, which twitched and flopped about, then gasped again, and continued breathing.
"Um" said Harry looking at the not-corpse "That left a mark"
"A lightning bolt shaped scar?" asked Daphne.
"Well, more a bald spot" said Harry "St Mungos will probably be able to fix that later."
After waiting very carefully for a while, Regulus groaned and opened his eyes "I'm not dead" he said.
"That was the intent, yes" said Daphne.
"You're a necromancer" said Regulus.
"The department of necromancy, yes" said Daphne "Our goal is to take all the inferii in the lake and perform a similar process on them."
"Why me first?" asked Regulus.
"You're the last body to go in the lake" said Harry bluntly "So you're in the best condition, and as family, we're fairly sure you'll do what the head of the family says."
"And that's you?" asked Regulus.
"Sirius" said Harry "Daphne pulled him out earlier. As he fell in through the veil, his body came out."
"It was actually very difficult and I had to cast seize and pull charms for hours to get the last few hundred feet out. Sirius was quite literally a dead weight." said Daphne.
"My Brother is head of the family. Bloody hell, we've gone to the dogs." said Regulus.
"That" muttered Harry "is a coincidence."
"So um, do I get to just er, go home?" asked Regulus "What about Death Eaters?"
"There aren't any around" said Harry "And Lord Voldemort's dead so, basically you come home with us tonight."
"And work for me tomorrow" said Daphne.
"Work for you?" asked Regulus.
"I have Harry and you as staff." said Daphne "And his handwriting is illegible."
"Are you going to make your own department, staffed solely with people you've dragged back from the very land of the dead?" asked Regulus. "Becuase that sounds a bit..."
"Like a good Slytherin plan" said Daphne "Daphne Black née Greengrass, Class of ninety-eight; we had to use tutors for a year due to the war."
"Charmed" said Regulus "And Harry?"
"Potter-Black" said Harry "I was running the Black family till Daphne brought Sirius back."
"Wasn't there some… difficulty?" asked Regulus.
"The Minister is good friend" said Harry "And we said he'd been under the influence of draught of the living death."
"Where do you um...stand on blood issues?" asked Regulus "My Brother's a bit of a… "
Daphne pointed at Harry "He's a halfblood, and the most powerful wizard in Britain. Probably."
"Daphne's the world expert on heritability of magical power" said Harry "And it's kind of, well…. Let's leave that till after dinner."
"Oh, we'll need to get him a wand" said Daphne.
"Fine, give me the wand, I'll go get it from the lake" said Harry.
"Why are you handing a wand back and forth. Family is one thing but that's…." said Regulus.
Harry sighed "It's my good wand, and Daphne's my wife. You may have heard of the elder wand, The three brothers? That wand."
"I would argue" said Regulus carefully "But Daphne just dragged me out of the land of the dead."
Harry picked up the cloak from the dais
"Harry be careful!" said Daphne "The veil is very dangerous without all three hallows."
Harry walked off the dais and folded up the cloak, and put it in his space-expanded pocket.
"Wand" said Harry, holding out his hand. Daphne placed the elder wand in his hand and Harry sheathed it in his sleeve. "Probably take forty minutes, if not, Garrick"
"Can I just get a new one" said Regulus "I've been dead, changed my mind about things."
"Fine" said Harry "I'll pay. Daphne, I'll take Regulus home and he can have a bath."
"I'll write this up, and we'll need to measure Regulus tonight." said Daphne.
"Measure?" asked Regulus cautiously.
"Measure your magical strength" said Harry "Daphne invented a way."
Harry led a confused Regulus Black out of the Department of Necromancy, along a narrow hallway to an iron door, and out into a black-tiled ministry hallway.
"We're on level ten" said Harry "Behind courtroom one, come on, and ignore the strange looks."
"Are people going to notice me?" asked Regulus.
"Not standing next to me" said Harry.
Regulus walked through the Three Broomsticks nervously.
"Don't worry" said Harry as he opened the arch to Diagon Alley "I'm quite capable of keeping you safe. We'll get you a wand soon and you can sheild."
"I'd rather return fire" said Regulus.
"You're not ofically un-dead yet so hold it in" said Harry "The paperwork will be awful, and I only just promoted the head of DMLE from being my assistant, and she might have something to prove."
"Your assistant?" asked Regulus.
"Head of DMLE prosecutions" said Harry "Clever girl."
Regulus opened the door to Olivanders and stepped in. Harry followed.
Olivander appeared from behind a wand-case. "Harry Potter and… You're dead."
"He's not dead, just a bit soiled" said Harry "Regulus Black needs a new wand. I'm paying."
Regulus looked a bit peeved by that but held out a hand, and Olivander opened a nearby box and handed him a wand.
Regulus tried it. A lot of nothing happened.
"So not elm then" said Olivander. Forty minutes later, Regulus had a Holly and dragon-heart-string wand. "You've changed then" said Olivander "That will be twenty galleons."
Harry handed over the coins, and Olivander started casting cleaning charms on the discarded wands.
"Come on" said Harry "Lets get you back to Grimmauld place."
Regulus disapparated from the alley, and Harry apparated to the front door, in time to see it shut.
He got inside and spinning motes of dust in the air told him Regulus had apparated again.
Harry went to the kitchen and told Kreacher very gently.
"Kreacher, we've brought Regulus back from the dead, so one more at dinner" said Harry blandly.
Kreacher blinked "Mistress?"
Harry nodded.
"Mistress is great" croaked Kreacher, his ears trembling.
"She has her good points" said Harry, and went and checked the family clock Arthur had delivered yesterday. The boys were at 'Hogwarts', as was Effie, and all the numbered hands, one to eight were pointing to "at home." Sirius's hand was pointing to 'Travelling', as was Delphini's.
Daphne's was still pointing to 'work.' Harry smiled and went to look at the office paperwork. Sirius was probably not doing it, after all.
-==0==-
Regulus got out of the shower, and dried himself on a warm fluffy towel that mother would have derided as too decadent. Regulus eyed himself in the mirror. He looked like he needed several days sleep, but his fingernails were okay. Suspiciously well manicured actually.
His brother's room, door open, was the exact same mess it had always been, barring the brown curtains. Regulus opened the door to his room and sighed with relief. The Syltherin banners were still there… though someone had taken down the clippings from the Prophet, and put a worn plush rabbit on his bed, and his tallboy had somehow been matched with a dressing table with some anonymous looking jars on it. Still, it was definitely his room.
Regulus opened his underpants drawer and blinked. There in the drawer was a long row of folded… womens undergarments. Some in Slytherin Green and silver. That witch with the blonde hair – Daphne must be using the drawer to store unmentionables.
Regulus shut the drawer, and exhaled slowly. He would get his pyjamas, he would have a nap, and he would get dressed for dinner at seven, like a human being.
Regulus opened his pyjama drawer, and there were pyjamas that were green and silver. He lifted out a pair, and put them on. They fitted reasonably well, and Regulus banished the towel, and went to bed.
The bed smelt a bit … perfumey. Regulus, irregardless, fell asleep.
Kreacher perched on the headboard of the bed and stroked Regulus's hair, quivering, then vanished.
-==0==-
"DAD!" screamed Delphini "There's a man in my bed!"
Harry apparated upstairs to find Regulus body-bound in Delphini's bed.
"Oh" said Harry "Delphini, your uncle Regulus. Regulus, Delphini Druella Black, my oldest daughter. Delphini dear, this used to be Uncle Regulus's bedroom."
"Dad!, This has been my room since I left the nursery!" protested Delphini, her hair-tips red.
"Sorry Regulus, I didn't think of that" said Harry apologetically.
"So mum managed to being him back" said Delphini.
Regulus got up off the bed "This is my room" he said, picking up his clothes.
"Pink boxers" said Delphini with a giggle.
"I did not have pink boxers on when I died" said Regulus, sweeping off and slamming the bathroom door.
Regulus came out a minute later, dressed, and looking irritated.
"This is my room" said Regulus firmly, his grey eyes narrowed. Kreacher faded into view, and started picking up the jars on the dresser.
"Kreacher, put that down!" said Delphini. Kreacher ignored her command, piling jars into his thin arms.
"Delphini, dear" said Harry "You might have to move to one of the third floor rooms."
"But James has the left front room and Al the right" complained Delphini. "There's no good rooms."
"Well, I'll take the wall out on the back bedrooms and you can have one the size of your mothers." said Harry.
"What!" said Regulus "Take a wall out?"
"A little transfiguration" said Harry, popping downstairs.
"Father's quite powerful" said Delphini idly.
"Where are all my things?" asked Regulus.
"You've been dead since, what nineteen seventy-eight?" said Delphini.
"Seventy-nine" corrected Regulus.
"Well it's twenty-twenty one" said Delphini "Dad had to clean the house back in the late nineties when he inherited, after the war ended. Grandmama Walburga died and left the house a real mess."
"You're a real Black, right?" asked Regulus quietly.
"My birth mother was Bellatrix LeStrange." said Delphini "And my birth father was Tom Marvolo Riddle, he called himself Voldemort."
"But!" said Regulus, eyebrows raised in a way that in the Slytherin common room of his seventh year would have signalled extreme shock.
"My father is Harry Potter-Black and my mother is Daphne Black" said Delphini "And dad was Voldemort's closest living relative."
Regulus nodded. "Closest relative, and head of DMLE" he said, pursing his mouth.
"And killed Voldemort" said Delphini.
"He mentioned that" said Regulus blandly.
Harry reappeared with a pop "Wall's gone and the wallpapers all the same."
"Thanks dad" said Delphini, "I'll take my dresser" she said, and jabbed her wand at her dresser which vanished with a pop, "And I'll need to move all my stuff."
"Get Kreacher to do it" said Harry "If Regulus is really lucky, Kreacher stashed his clothes somewhere."
"And if he didnt'?" asked Regulus indignantly.
"Then you need to go shopping" said Harry. "Sirius will have to open you a vault, he's head of the family."
"Mother will be turning in her grave" muttered Regulus.
"Kreacher's keeping her portrait somewhere, I think" said Harry.
"And why did you take it down?" said Regulus looking down his nose at Harry.
"Because all she did was scream at everyone" said Harry "and called the children names."
Dinner happened in the immense dining room, Sirius sitting at the head of the table in a smoking jacket.
Delphini was leaning against one of the china hutiches, staring at the ceiling.
"Reg" said Sirius weakly. "Head of the table with Harry."
Regulus took a deep breath and walked over ot the head of the table and sat at… his brothers right hand. Harry sat at his left, and Daphne strode in a bit later, in dinner robes with her hair tied back by gold clips, and sat next to Harry.
Delphini sat down next to her uncle, opposite her mother.
"Sirius?" asked Regulus "Why are you younger than Harry?"
"I spent twenty years dead" said Sirius "Daphne got me back, and now you. I take it, Madam head of the department of Necromancy, the project is working?"
"I have two staff now" said Daphne politely "Regulus hopefully has legible handwriting. Someone can keep records."
"From a security point of view, we need someone else to be doing the trip to the land of the dead" said Harry.
"Dad, you can say you don't want mum taking risks" said Delphini "Honestly."
"And being able to run three shifts would let us get more people back, sooner" said Daphne.
"The minister would be pleased if our skill shortages were filled sooner" said Harry.
"Harry we're having dinner. You can be a workaholic tomorrow, at work with Regulus" said Daphne.
The first course was asparagus soup.
Daphne ate ssilently, Delphini picked at it, and Regulus savoured his favourite soup.
"Just like I never left" mused Regulus. Sirius sniffed. "I suspect Kreahcer is just making Reggies' favourites tonight."
"Oh good, no treacle tart" said Daphne. Harry shot her a look.
"Gooseberry fool" said Sirius solemnly.
"Sirius, what's gooseberry fool?" asked Delphini.
"You'll find out" said Sirius.
"Delphini, you have to treat this is a surprise un-deathday party for your uncle Regulus" said Daphne.
"Getting someone back again tomorrow?" asked Sirius casually.
"Perhaps" said Daphne "we are eating dinner, not having a staff meeting, Sirius, and you're not a member of the department."
"So I get to do accounts while you three have adventures" grumbled Sirius.
"He's doing the accounts?" asked Regulus "We're doomed."
"I'll have you know, Reggie, I'm capable of doing it, it's just boring compared to having adventures" said Sirius.
"Father would die from shock, if he wasn't already dead" said Regulus.
"How was the old bastard anyway?" asked Sirius.
"Don't call our father that" snapped Regulus.
"Fine, how was our dear departed father?" asked Sirius.
"Dead" said Regulus "and unable to see the land of the living. Nobody loves him here, apparently."
Daphne had quietly taken out a notebook and was taking notes.
"Mum!" said Delphini "Didn't you say we were having dinner, not working?"
"It's different" said Daphne. "This is groundbreaking necromantic research. That was your father being a workaholic."
Delphini rolled her eyes "You're one to talk." she muttered.
"No muttering at the table" said Sirius "If you come up with a snarky remark I want to hear it. Daphne, please put the notebook away. We're having a surprise un-deadthday party for Reggie after all."
"Can you not call me that" said Regulus.
"Reggie?" asked Sirius teasingly. "What, you want a grown up name, like… my death-eater brother.?"
"Sirius." said Harry firmly "He died to defeat Riddle, don't make fun of him."
"Fine, be an old fart" said Sirius "Regulus, I will hereafter refer to you as Reggie-pooh."
Regulus drew his wand. "No" he said, pointing it at Sirius. "I'm not eight."
"You're about eighteen" said Sirius "I'm thirty-eight. You're the little brother. Even my godson's older than you."
"He's older than you, prat" said Regulus angrily.
Sirius smiled "That's my actual brother. Everyone, meet Regulus. Swot, Slytherin house seeker, and ex-death-eater."
"I can't believe you're the head of the family" said Regulus.
"Well, it was Harry before that" said Sirius. "Then Daphne dragged me back to the land of the living."
"It's just… necromancy!" said Regulus "And you're the good guys?"
"It's not that bad" said Harry "I don't use torture curses on people."
"How do you know about that" said Regulus.
"I know a lot about Voldemort" said Harry. "He tried to kill me enough times."
"More than once?" asked Regulus, sounding like he didn't believe Harry.
"I was head of DMLE for a reason" said Harry "Though I did all my dark-lord fighting before I was your age."
Daphne nodded "He's also called the man who won. And not just for his quidditch skills."
"Harry was a seeker at Hogwarts, for Gryffindor" said Sirius enthusiastically "He's brilliant."
"Fairly good" said Harry "My ex played pro-quidditch and she's better than me."
"As a chaser maybe" said Daphne "You were a better seeker."
"And that's why I had to play quidditch at family get-togethers for years" said Delphini.
"And you could have played on the Syltherin team, if you'd liked quidditch" said Harry "You're a good chaser."
"Ginny said I was slow and too cautious" said Delphini.
"Ginny played pro-quiddithc dear" said Daphne "And her family are all quidditch nuts."
"Enthusiasts" said Harry.
After Dinner, Regulus was measured and found to have a Black-family-esque nineteen stone lift.
Ron stumbled into the parlour, still in Aurors robes while Daphne was putting the scale away.
"Who's this?" he asked.
"Regulus Black, my brother" said Sirius "He's been ill."
"He died before the war" said Ron "So Department of Necromancy's off to a cracking start then?"
"And conveniently, he's family, and has legible handwriting," said Daphne, "So he can be the note-taker."
-==0==-
When the Prophet broke the story that there was a Department of Necromancy, Hermione expected a backlash.
And worse when the next day it was leaked that it was Harry's wife running it.
At the end of the week, the really old farts from the Wizengamot stayed behind at the end of the meeting and congratulated her.
Apparently being slightly corrupt make them… more comfortable with her, and
that it was doing necromancy, was, while disturbing, at least 'traditional.'
When the ressurrectees started turning up at St Mungos, and visiting their families, and doing jobs… the prophet ran 'Reign of the Dead' as a headline.
Hermione gave a press conference and explained that the goal was to fill the skills shortages that magical Britain had since the war. And then being Hermione explained about why the inferi in the lake were the only suitable resurrection targets. And then someone interviewed one of the ressurectees. Who explained the mechanics of being dead.
A day later, Flourish and Blotts was sold out of the few books they had on Samhain rituals.
And the Prophet ran "Queen of the dead" as a headline, with a photograph of Hermione at yesterday's press conference.
Hermione went to see Harry at home, mostly to complain, and found Daphne complaining instead.
"Honestly, Hermione, what were the Prophet thinking" said Daphne, as Harry nodded.
"Calling you queen of the dead" continued Daphne "I mean, I'm the one doing all the work. If anyone's the queen of the dead, it's me."
-==0==-