Chapter 3: Home

A/N: I'm close to finishing Harper's birthday chapter for Family by Love, but since this one is shorter, it ended up being easier to get out first. Honestly, I had hoped to get both out earlier this week, but it's been a crazy busy week (plus, you know, headaches).

Before

Saturday, November 12, 2016

"What are you doing?" Jane asked as she walked into the room Maura had been using as a home office. Maura was standing by the bookshelf surrounded by open cardboard boxes.

Maura turned to look at Jane, her hands full of books she had just pulled from the bookshelf. "I want to start on the nursery," she said by way of explanation, a soft smile gracing her face at the appearance of her best friend.

"Yeah, but you shouldn't be doing that," Jane said as she hurried forward and took the books from Maura.

Maura frowned. "I'm only eighteen weeks pregnant, Jane," Maura said. "I don't have any physical restrictions."

"Ok, but…" Jane whined, pausing to put the books she was holding in the box before gripping Maura by the shoulders and guiding her to sit in the desk chair. "Better safe than sorry. You already stand all day at work. Just let me help with this stuff." Jane gestured behind her, vaguely waving her hand in front of the books. "You need to take it easy. The last thing you want is to do too much then end up with restrictions.

"So, just tell me what to do. You love bossing me around," Jane added with a smirk.

Maura rolled her eyes, but she couldn't stop the smile that tugged at her lips. "Jane, I'm really…" she started, but Jane cut her off.

"Please, Maur…just…" Jane sighed and took a step towards Maura. She leaned her hip against the side of the desk, folding her arms in front of her chest. "Do you remember the conversation we had when I was pregnant?" she asked slowly, her eyes looking past her friend instead of making eye contact.

Maura's eyes narrowed in confusion. "We talked many times during your pregnancy," she pointed out.

"Right, but…" Jane fidgeted nervously, her thumbs worrying her scars.

Maura reached out to pull Jane's hands apart so that she didn't irritate her scars. She gave Jane's hands a gentle reassuring squeeze, urging her to continue.

"I know we talked all the time, but I mean…do you…do you remember how I said that I had to let you help me?" Jane asked so quietly that Maura would have missed it had she not been listening intently.

Maura tried to stop the smile that graced her lips. "Jane, are you asking me to let you help me?" she asked kindly, but she knew that Jane could hear the smile in her voice.

Jane pulled away from Maura, turning her back to the other woman as she returned to the bookshelf. "I'm just saying that I can do the packing," she deflected.

Maura stood up and gently placed her hand on Jane's bicep, applying light pressure to urge her to turn around.

Jane reluctantly turned to face Maura, crossing her arms in front of her chest defensively.

"Jane," Maura started quietly, "I-I know that I can't do this without you. I know I'm going to need your help, but I…well, I-I want to be careful that I don't take advantage of you."

Jane held Maura's gaze for a few moments before her eyes dropped to her baby bump. As though it had a mind of its own, Jane's hand reached out to touch Maura's bump, but she stopped herself just before her hand made contact.

Maura gently took Jane's hand in her own and guided it over her stomach. "You can…" she whispered.

"I…" Jane started, but when she felt a soft flutter against her palm, she stopped. Her eyes flew up to Maura's face in surprise to see a huge smile on the other woman's face. "Was that…"

Maura nodded. Both her hands were covering Jane's hand on her stomach. She had only just started to feel the baby move, and she was so happy that she could share this with Jane. She hadn't expected the movements to be strong enough to be felt from the outside. Her heart swelled – metaphorically, of course – with love at the look of pure joy and shock on Jane's face.

Maura laughed lightly when Jane's smile turned to an adorable pout.

"I want to feel her move again," Jane said in response to Maura's laughter.

"I promise you'll be able to feel her move again," Maura said. "I only just started to be able to feel her. I'm honestly surprised that you're even able to feel the movement. It will only get stronger as she grows." Maura emphasized her words with a soft squeeze to Jane's hands before they both let their hands fall to their sides.

Maura took a deep breath. She hadn't been planning on bringing this up yet, but maybe now was the right time. "Jane, there's been something I've been meaning to talk to you about," she said, vulnerability lacing her voice.

"Yeah?" Jane said, her eyes returning to Maura's.

Maura ran her hand through her hair, stalling as she tried to find the words to ask Jane what she wanted to ask her. "Um, well, if…if something happens to me…" Maura started.

Jane wanted to tell Maura to stop talking. She didn't want to think about something happening to Maura, but she knew that, in this instance, she had to let Maura finish. It was no longer just about the two of them.

"…if something happens to me, I would want you…I mean, would you…um…" Maura stumbled over her words as she rested her hands over her bump protectively.

"Yes," Jane said softly, deciding to help out her friend. She took a step closer to Maura, taking both of her hands in her own. "I hate thinking about or talking about something happening to you, so hopefully, we only have to have this conversation once, but if something happens to you, I will absolutely take care of your little girl. I will love her…no, I already love her, and I will always take care of her…and you."

Maura blinked back the tears threatening to fall. "Thank you," she whispered, her voice full of emotion.

"Always," Jane said as she pulled Maura into a hug. Maura rested her head on Jane's shoulder, allowing herself to soak in the comfort of her best friend.

However, after a few minutes, Jane had clearly hit her limit of emotional moments, and she pulled back. "Okay, sit and boss me around," Jane said.

Maura giggled but relented, and they spent the rest of the afternoon packing up the office. Maura had a hard time sitting and not helping while Jane did all the heavy lifting, but she decided she would at least make them a healthy, delicious meal. By the end of the evening, the room was completely empty, the boxes and furniture stored safely in the basement.

"Have you decided on a theme for the nursery?" Jane asked as they sat down for dinner. While Maura made dinner, Jane had taken a shower after getting all sweaty packing up the room.

"I have a few ideas…" Maura trailed off.

"And…" Jane prompted, waving her fork in Maura's direction, encouraging her to continue.

Maura paused for a second before standing up without another word. Maura returned to the table and handed Jane her tablet.

Jane scrolled through the pictures. The pictures showed a nursery bedding set that was mostly white with green and purple sprinkles that were closer together at the bottom and more spaced out the closer they got to the top. It had a matching crib skirt, blanket, and window dressings.

"I was thinking I could have the walls painted a very light blue. Then, on one wall – the one where the bookshelves currently are – I wanted to find someone to paint a mural of a flowering tree. The tree could have pink, purple, and dark blue flowers with a few green leaves. That way, no matter what colors she ends up liking later, it could match. It would also match the soft greens and purples in the bedding," Maura explained.

"I planned to get white furniture. I would put the crib under the tree mural and the changing table between the two windows. That would allow space for a smaller dresser on the wall with the door. I could also fit a rocking chair by the window either near the closet or near the crib."

"You should put it by the crib," Jane said quietly without taking her eyes off the tablet.

Maura smiled at Jane's words. She loved that Jane was actually putting some thought into this.

"You'll be tired in the middle of the night when you feed her. If the rocking chair is near the crib, it'll be easier," Jane continued.

"That's a good point," Maura replied. "I do plan to have her sleep in a bassinet in my bedroom for the first six months."

Jane nodded absently, looking one more time at the pictures before handing the tablet back to Maura. "It's beautiful," she said truthfully.

"Thank you," Maura said quietly.

"Could I…could I paint the walls blue?" Jane asked. "I mean, I know I can't do the mural, but I really wanted to help with her room."

"I'd love that," Maura replied.

Sunday, December 11, 2016

Maura wrapped her arms around Jane from the side. "It's absolutely beautiful," Maura said. "Thank you, Jane."

"I didn't do much," Jane replied, placing her arm around Maura's shoulders and holding her close as they stood together looking at the beautiful nursery they had just finished setting up. Jane had painted the walls blue Thanksgiving weekend, and the painter Maura had hired to do the mural had finished a little over a week ago. The furniture had been delivered (fully put together to Jane's displeasure) on Friday. Jane had spent the rest of the weekend filling the dresser with the clothes Maura had already bought, putting up the rest of the décor, and readying the bedding while she forced Maura to sit in the rocking chair.

The room had turned out just like Maura had pictured except somehow better. The colors matched perfectly. It was exactly what Maura had wanted.

"That's not true," Maura said.

"You should have at least let me put together the furniture," Jane countered.

"You already checked it five times to make sure it was done correctly, and somehow I think you'll check it a few more times before she arrives," Maura teased.

"I want her to be safe," Jane pouted.

Maura turned into her friend and hugged her tight. "Thank you, Jane," she repeated.

Jane returned the hug before stepping back. "I, uh, I have one more thing," Jane said. "Can I give you an early Christmas present?"

"It's not Christmas," Maura said, her nose scrunched in confusion.

Jane laughed and rolled her eyes. "It's not your main gift," Jane said. "Just…just wait here."

Jane quickly ran downstairs and out to her car, leaving Maura in the nursery. While Jane was gone, Maura looked around the room one more time. Jane may not have thought she did much, but Maura could see the little signs of her friend around the room. She could see Jane in the slightly off-center way the curtains were tied back, she could see Jane in the placement of the side table on the left-hand side of the rocking chair instead of the right-hand side, she could smell Jane's bodywash in the room, but most of all, she could see Jane's love in the care she took setting up the room.

Maura was so lost in her thoughts that she jumped slightly when she felt Jane's hand on the small of her back.

"You alright there?" Jane teased.

"Yes, just lost in thought," Maura replied as she turned to face Jane. Jane handed her a wrapped box. It was heavier than Maura had expected when she took it from Jane. She carried it over to the rocking chair and sat with it in her lap. Jane sat down across from her on the ottoman that went with the chair. "I still don't understand why you're giving me a gift now," she added, looking at Jane.

"It's…you're not going to want to open it in front of people," Jane said, but when Maura raised her eyebrow in surprise, she added, "no, not like that." Jane huffed in amused annoyance. "Just open it," she said exasperatedly.

Maura chuckled and returned her attention to the box on her lap. She unwrapped it carefully before setting the paper to the side and lifting the top off the box. "Oh, Jane," Maura said softly as she lifted the first item in the box, an 'A' painted to match the colors of the room. "These are beautiful," she added reverently.

"I know you want to keep her name to yourself until she's born," Jane said. "That's why I didn't want to give them to you in front of everyone."

Maura looked through the letters. Each letter was 12 inches tall and painted with a different pattern, but all of them perfectly matched the colors of the room. Tears burned at the corners of her eyes as she took in each letter: 'A,' 'L,' 'I,' 'C,' and 'E.'

"I used the exact same colors as you used to paint the walls," Jane said quietly as Maura continued to stare at the letters.

"You painted these yourself?" Maura asked, her eyes flying up to meet Jane's.

"Yeah," Jane said shyly.

"Jane…" Maura whispered thickly. "Jane, these are amazing. I love them, and she's going to love them too."

"Flip them over," Jane said.

When Maura flipped over the 'A,' the tears she had been fighting for the last few minutes finally broke free. Jane had written on the back of each letter:

A: "Alice Jane Isles, I love you more than you know."
L: "Always remember, you are kind, you are generous, you are smart, you are courageous, you are strong, and you are beautiful inside and out."
I: "You are always enough. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, and if they do, tell Aunt Jane. I'll set them straight."
C: "No matter how old you get, you will always be my baby girl. And I'll always remind you!"
E: "Ali, I love you with all my heart. ❤ Aunt Jane"

"Jane," Maura whispered again, unable to verbalize her feelings.

Jane shrugged. "I figure when she's older, if she's having a bad day, she can pull one of the letters off the wall and it'll remind her that I love her," Jane explained, slightly embarrassed.

"They're beautiful," Maura repeated. "Let's put them up now," she added, finally raising her eyes to look at Jane.

"What?" Jane said quickly. "No, you don't want people to know her name yet. I…we can just keep them in the closet until she's born."

Maura shook her head. "I don't want them in the closet," she replied, firmly. "Please, will you help me put them up."

"Maur…" Jane said kindly.

"I don't care," Maura said, shaking her head again. "I don't care if this means people will know her name before she's born. I-I want to put these up. I want them to be a part of her room from the beginning. They're so…I know I keep saying the same thing, but they're beautiful. I wish I could think of a better word, but pregnancy brain is a real thing," she added with a laugh.

"Why don't you at least think about it for a few days?" Jane suggested. She knew that Maura hadn't wanted to tell anyone else her daughter's name until after she was born, and Jane had never intended to do anything to change her mind. She didn't want Maura to end up regretting sharing the name, and there was no way that people wouldn't immediately know her name if it was on the wall in foot-high letters.

Maura instantly stood up, placing the box with the letters on her bed before walking towards the door.

"Where are you going?" Jane asked in surprise.

Maura paused in the doorway and turned to look at Jane. "If you won't put them up, I'm going to do it," Maura said matter-of-factly.

"Maura," Jane whined, standing up and following her friend downstairs to where the tools were stored. "Fine, I'll do it," she said when she finally caught up with her friend, and she pulled the hammer from Maura's grasp. She rolled her eyes when Maura smiled at her triumphantly.

When Jane had finished putting up the letters a few minutes later, Maura commented, "Now, it's perfect."

"Just like her," Jane added as she softly placed her hand on Maura's ever growing baby bump. They both laughed when Jane received a kick in response.

After

Sunday, December 10, 2017

When Jane heard the front door open again, she looked around confusedly. Everyone had already arrived for Sunday dinner, so who…

"Tommy! TJ!" Jane said in surprise, stepping around the kitchen island. She instantly squatted down to catch her nephew as he launched himself into her arms.

"Aunt Janie!" he squealed excitedly.

Jane stood up with TJ still in her arms, turning to Tommy she commented, "I didn't know you guys were going to be in town. I thought you were coming for Christmas. You'll still be here for Christmas, right?" she added quickly.

"Actually, we'll be here for a lot more than just Christmas," Tommy said, placing his hand on TJ's back. "We're back for good."

"We're moving to Boston!" the five-year-old interjected with a huge smile on her face.

"Actually, we technically already moved back," Tommy clarified.

"Where's da baby?" TJ asked, looking around the room.

"With Aunt Kiki," Jane said, pointing to where Kiki was sitting on the floor playing with Alice. TJ instantly squirmed out of Jane's arms and ran over to them.

"He's been talking about her all day," Tommy explained with a smile.

Jane returned his smile before returning to their conversation. "Wait, so what happened? I mean, don't get me wrong, we're thrilled you guys are here, but I woulda thought you'd've at least told us you were thinking about moving back. You were just here for Thanksgiving," Jane said.

"Honestly, it happened pretty quickly. I didn't even have a chance to tell ma until Thursday. We left St. Louis the next day and arrived late last night. Lydia met someone," Tommy said with a shrug.

"Oh, Tom, I'm sorry," Jane said genuinely. She didn't particularly like Lydia, but she didn't hate her, and she always wanted what was best for Tommy and TJ.

But Tommy shook his head. "Don't be," he said. "I think it's for the best. I think I'm better at being a father than a husband anyway. I mean, she's apparently been sleeping with him for months and I didn't even notice. She told me she was leaving on Wednesday…like, moving to Texas, leaving. Told me she'd send me the divorce papers. I couldn't afford our place on my own. We could barely afford it with the little bit she brought in. Not that Boston is cheaper, but the family's here, so…"

"Don't worry about that," Jane cut in. "You know we'll make sure you and TJ are okay. But, what about TJ? I mean, are you guys going to try to send him back and forth?"

"No, not regularly at least. She gave me full custody." Then, Tommy lowered his voice to make sure his son wouldn't hear, "Lydia said she wants a 'normal' family, whatever that means. As he gets older though, we're gonna let TJ see her if he wants to, but it'd be more just to visit than ever live with her."

"She gonna pay child support?" Jane asked, trying to hide the disgust in her voice that Lydia would just walk away from TJ like that.

"No, said if I wanted anything from her it was going to be shared custody. She won't 'pay me' as she calls it," Tommy explained. When Jane scoffed, he added, "Honestly, Jane, I wanted TJ a helluva lot more than I want any money."

Jane softened at that. Her little brother really had grown up and turned into a great dad. She was so proud of him.

"I want him to grow up with his family, and that's you guys," Tommy continued. "Everything happened so fast, so we're living with ma right now, but I wanna resurrect Rizzoli and Sons. It'll take some time, but Imma do right by my son."

"I'm so proud of you little brother," Jane said genuinely as she pulled him into a gruff hug.

Tommy pushed her away, but Jane could tell that he still appreciated it.

"Wait, you guys should live in my apartment," Jane said quickly.

"You want us to live with you?" Tommy asked skeptically.

"No, I don't…I haven't lived there since February," Jane said. "I don't know what's going to happen here," Jane gestured around her, indicating Maura's house, "but I expect I'll be here for a while. I've been paying rent on the apartment anyway. Someone might as well use it. It's a two bedroom. At least, that way, you'll have your own space."

"I doubt I can afford your place Jane," Tommy countered.

Jane shook her head. "We can figure that part out. Like I said, I've been paying for it to sit empty, so even if you just start paying a portion of the rent, it'll help me out. I'll talk to my landlord, get you added to the lease. We can slowly transfer the payments more to you as you get settled and get a job. Come on, Tom, it'll help both of us out."

"Why don't you just get rid of your apartment if you're living here?" Tommy asked.

"Cus I don't technically live here," Jane said. "I offered to stay and help while Maura was on bed rest, and I never left. Totally giving up my apartment feels wrong when she never actually invited me to live her, but at the same time, we both know she won't be healthy enough to live on her own with Alice for months. This seems like a good compromise."

"You sure?" Tommy asked. "You don't think Maura will care?"

"Yeah, I'm sure, and I don't really know what Maura even thinks I've done with my apartment at this point. She's not going to be upset that you're staying there though. We'll figure it out when she's ready for me to move out. It's not like she's going to kick me out overnight without warning," Jane said.

Tommy noticed that his sister said 'when [Maura's] ready for [her] to move out,' instead of when she's ready to move out. Even Tommy knew that Jane probably never wanted to move out. He decided to keep this to himself, instead offering a simple, "Thanks, Janie."

Monday, December 11, 2017

"Go ahead," Nancy coaxed Maura.

Maura took a deep breath and dialed Jane's number on the phone sitting on the table between her and her doctor. They had decided to call today because Maura's session with Nancy was scheduled for the first afternoon session, which would overlap with Alice's nap time, meaning that Jane was likely to be available. When it started ringing, Maura could feel her panic rising, but she tried to calm herself.

"Hello," Jane answered the phone. After a few seconds of silence, Jane repeated, "Hello?" This time her voice held more of a question. Jane pulled the phone away from her ear to look at the number again to make sure she hadn't read it wrong. No, she had been right, it was the number of Maura's treatment center. At first, her fear began to rise, until she realized that if a staff member from the center was calling, they would have spoken by now. That could only mean…

"Maura?" Jane asked.

But Maura remained frozen in fear, unable to form any words, unable to verbalize any thoughts.

"Maur, is that you?" Jane asked again. Maura head Jane sigh on the other end of the phone. After a few moments of silence, Jane spoke again, "Maura, I hope it's you, and I hope this means you're doing better. I…we…we miss you. Alice and I both miss you, and we love you. Ali is napping right now, but she's doing really well. All of us are doing well, except we miss you…we all miss you so much…" Jane trailed off, uncertain of what else to say.

In all honesty, it wasn't that different than talking to a mostly unresponsive Maura for the past few months, but still…despite everything…it gave her some hope. She knew that contacting family and friends was a common part of patients' treatment plans at the treatment center. Hopefully, this meant that Maura was making progress…moving to the next steps of her recovery.

"I'm so proud of you, Maur," Jane continued. "Alice and I l…" CLICK "…love you so much," Jane finished quietly to herself, aware that Maura had hung up the phone.

Jane buried her face in her hands, her elbows resting on the kitchen island.

Two hours away, Maura also had her face buried in her hands. She and Nancy had talked about this. They had planned for this. They had come up with different responses to all the possible reactions from Jane that they could think of. They had planned for everything. Well, they had planned for everything except for one thing…Maura freezing.

"Maura," Nancy said gently, but Maura just shook her head in response. Maura was frustrated with herself, and she was also embarrassed. The truth was, she hated herself for being unable to say anything, but what she hated more was that, once again, she had gotten what she needed from Jane – reassurance that Alice, Jane, and their family were okay; words of love and encouragement – but she hadn't given Jane what she needed. She hadn't given Jane anything.

"Maura," Nancy tried again.

Finally, Maura lifted her head to look at her doctor. She knew her eyes were red-rimmed and bloodshot, but she didn't care.

"Why didn't you say anything when Jane answered?" Nancy asked kindly.

"I froze," Maura said weakly, tears evident in her voice.

"Why do you think you froze?"

"I-I-I don't know," Maura obfuscated. When Nancy remained silent, patiently waiting for Maura to speak, Maura finally broke the silence, "I didn't know what to say."

"Even though we practiced?" Nancy pushed.

"I couldn't remember what we practiced," Maura said feebly. "I couldn't remember anything once I heard her voice. I just…I just wanted to hear her voice…"

Nancy pursed her lips as she listened to Maura. "Do you think it would help to write down what you want to say before trying again?" Nancy asked. "That way, if you forget, you can look at your notes."

Maura nodded, somewhat absently as she thought about Nancy's proposal. It reminded her of her own advice to Jane when Jane had planned to tell Casey that she was pregnant with his child.

"What are you thinking about?" Nancy asked after a few minutes of silence.

"Is…is…does the phone call…does that have to be the next step?" Maura asked.

"What did you have in mind?"

"Can I…can I write Jane a letter?" Maura asked.

Nancy seemed to consider Maura's request for a few moments. Now that she had thought of it, the idea was growing on Maura, so in hopes of convincing her doctor, she added, "You could read it before I send it. I could use the rest of this time and my afternoon free time to write it. Then, I could give it to you. If you're okay with it, then, I could send it?" Maura suggested.

"Okay, if you would like to write Jane a letter, I will read it, and if I don't find anything concerning, you can mail it," Nancy agreed. "We could even overnight it if you'd like."

"Really?" Maura said, a tinge of hope permeating her voice.

Nancy smiled. It was the first time that she had heard hope in Maura's voice. "Yes, I think, if this is the next step you'd like to take, overnighting it would make the most sense. That way, Jane will receive it, and you can work towards your next phone call without needing to delay due to the time it takes for a letter to arrive through the postal service."

"Thank you," Maura said.

Tuesday, December 12, 2017

Jane was bouncing a whiny Alice on her hip as she made scrambled eggs with ham. Alice had been in a bad mood all morning, and Jane wasn't really sure why.

When the doorbell rang, Jane ignored it, but when it rang a second time, she removed the eggs from the stove and reluctantly went to answer the door. "Who could possibly need us that badly, huh, Ali?" Jane said quietly, still trying to calm the girl in her arms.

Jane was surprised to see a delivery person standing on the other side of the front door, holding what looked like a cardboard document envelope.

"Jane Rizzoli?" the man asked.

"Yes," Jane replied confusedly.

He held out the envelope to Jane. "I just need a quick signature," he added as he held out a handheld device to Jane to sign. It was somewhat awkward to sign something another person was holding while holding both Alice and the envelope in her other hand, but she managed.

"Thanks," Jane said as the man hit a few more buttons on the screen before nodding at her and saying goodbye.

Jane closed the door before she glanced at the envelope. It was indeed addressed to her at Maura's address. When she noticed the return address, she quickly walked to the kitchen, depositing Alice in her highchair before she tore it open. Just as she started to pull the letter out, Alice let out a shriek to get her attention.

"Sorry, bean," Jane said quickly. She reluctantly set the letter on the table while she finished getting Alice her lunch. Once Alice was pacified by her eggs and ham and banana, Jane sat down at the table and picked up the letter again. Her hands were shaking slightly as she pulled it out and read it.

Dear Jane,
I know you figured it out, but it was me who called you yesterday. I'm sorry that I didn't say anything. I had planned to talk to you, but I froze when I heard your voice – not in a bad way, though. When I heard your voice, it hit me harder than I expected how much I've missed hearing your voice…how much I've missed you.
I've had my ups and downs while I've been here. I've had good days and bad days, but I do think I'm making progress. I wanted you to know that.
I have so much I need to tell you, so much I want to say to you. But I want to do it in person. Not in a letter, and not over the phone.
But Jane, please know that even though I haven't been good at showing it, especially lately, I am so incredibly grateful for you and for your friendship. More than anything, I'm grateful for how much you love and care for Alice. Thank you for taking such good care of her. Knowing that she has you means everything to me.
I'm not giving up. I'm doing my best, and even if every day doesn't go well, I know I'm in the right place. Thank you for getting me the help that I so desperately need. Unfortunately, I won't be home by Christmas. Even though it hurts to know that I will miss Alice's first Christmas, I know that if I leave treatment too early, I'll end up missing more time with her and with you overall. At least, she'll get to spend Christmas with you and with your family…her family.
I am hoping to try calling you again in a few days. In the meantime, please know that I'm thinking about you and Alice.
Please tell Alice that I love her.
With all my love,
Maura

Tears blurred Jane's vision as she reached the end of the letter. More than anything she was overwhelmed with relief. She had tried to find hope that Maura would get better in the little things over the months, but this was really the first time Maura had given her hope directly. She was barely holding herself together when Alice let out a screech – clearly over being ignored – and smashed her hand onto her banana, spraying pieces of banana everywhere.

Jane sighed and put the letter out of harm's way before turning back to Alice. "What's up Ali-wali?" Jane asked. Alice let out another half-cry, half, screech as she continued to use her hands to smash her food around the table of the highchair. "Why aren't you eating, baby? You usually love eggs and ham, and I know you love bananas." Jane scooped up some of the banana on her finger and held it out for Alice. When Alice used her mouth to take the banana from Jane's finger, Jane's finger brushed against her gums, and Jane finally realized why Alice was so uncomfortable. "Oh, baby, are you teething?" Jane asked as she gently used her fingers to open Alice's mouth. "You are," Jane said more to herself than to Alice. She allowed Alice to gnaw on her thumb for a few moments to relieve her discomfort before she stood up to get a washcloth to clean Alice.

She decided to leave the mess of Alice's lunch for now as she carried the cranky little girl upstairs for her nap. Alice usually went down for her nap relatively easily, and when she did fuss, she usually stopped within five minutes. Therefore, when Alice was still crying at full volume 20 minutes later, Jane couldn't leave her alone any longer.

Jane lifted Alice from the crib and held her against her chest as she sat in the rocking chair. She used one arm to hold Alice steady against her body while putting her finger in Alice's mouth to allow her to chew on it. It seemed to help, but Alice still fell into a fitful sleep. It broke Jane's heart to see the little girl so uncomfortable. She hadn't thought to buy a teething ring yet, so Jane decided that if Alice calmed down enough this afternoon, they would run to the store. Otherwise, she would have to buy one online, but that would take a few days to get here.

At this point, though, Alice seemed so uncomfortable that Jane was considering giving her acetaminophen. Up until this point, Jane had avoided giving Alice any type of over-the-counter medications. Maura was allergic to ibuprofen, so even though Jane knew acetaminophen was a completely different medication, she had been afraid to give Alice anything. However, even when she had had a fever earlier in the fall, it hadn't reached the point where she had to give Alice anything nor had Alice been this distressed by her discomfort. Jane had talked about it with Alice's pediatrician at the time, so she knew it was probably okay to give it to her.

When Alice woke up fussing after only 30 minutes of sleep, Jane decided it was time to try the medication. She carried Alice to the bathroom where she kept the infant medication. Once she had given Alice a dose, she brought her back to her room and returned to the rocking chair. She wasn't going to leave Alice's side for the next few hours until she knew Alice was going to be okay. It took another 20 minutes, but eventually Alice fell back to sleep, this time much more soundly, letting Jane know she had done the right thing.

While Alice slept in her arms, Jane let her thoughts drift to Maura. Tears instantly burned her eyes. Until this moment, she hadn't realized how much pain and fear she had been holding inside. She had spent almost a year living in acute, intense fear, except somewhere along the line what was supposed to be acute turned chronic. It became her new normal – to the point that she didn't even realize how much pain she was in. Maybe she wasn't living with the same kind of emotional pain that Maura was experiencing, but watching her best friend, the love of her life so sick and hurting had taken its toll. She had been holding herself together because she had to...for Maura and for Alice. But right now, it was taking everything she had not to sob uncontrollably and wake the sleeping baby in her arms, so just like every other day since Maura had been put on bedrest, Jane swallowed her feelings. She pulled herself together one more time to take care of the people she loves, the people that meant more to her than life itself.

A/N: Eight months is on the later end for a first tooth (most babies get their first tooth around 6 months), but it's not that unusual. Babies can get their first tooth anywhere up to 12 months of age. This is what worked for the story.