Chapter Seven: Tracey Davis

Witch Weekly, Issue #9008. May 3rd, 2008

Less of a fighter, more a survivor

So, if you've got this far then you've just finished reading the incredible accounts I was lucky enough to be told. I cannot thank all of these truly inspirational people for taking the time to talk to me, to share their stories and to hopefully help you with your own battles.

The reason I was assigned this story is because I have a unique perspective on the Battle of Hogwarts. Different from the ones you've just read, that's for sure, because while I was there I didn't fight. No, when the beast was at the gates I'm ashamed to admit I wasn't brave enough. I hid. I told myself it was because it wasn't my fight, but that wasn't really it. I've known every day since it happened that I was just as scared of betraying or upsetting my so-called house as I was of dying for a cause that should have meant the world to me.

I was a Slytherin, but I was also a half-blood. My father was almost tried by the Muggle-Born Registration Committee and, being muggle-born, he would have been Kissed. So, he ran. He and my mum hid and I just carried on pretending that nothing had happened. Hogwarts wasn't the school you know now back then. It was the worst year of all of our lives. We lived in fear, fear of being tortured mainly, but also fear of what some of your house would do to you if you stepped out of line.

Most of us just wanted to get out of there in one piece. Some of the Slytherins tortured other students because it was the only way to escape being put under those same curses themselves. Some of us just kept a low profile. None of us spoke out. Because we were scared, more scared than the rest of the school. Death Eaters hated blood traitors more than muggles.

This isn't an excuse, more of an explanation and an apology. I should have said something. I should have done something. At the grand old age of seventeen, I'd led a pretty sheltered life. My folks loved me, I'd never been left wanting for anything, and suddenly here was this insane fight. This moment in history and I shied away.

I was lucky. I survived. I got to take advantage of this new world without really fighting for it. A lot of us did and we didn't think about it. We were just happy the darkness was finally over and moved on with our lives. Most of us weren't even there and those of us who were just convinced ourselves it wasn't our fight, but if that wasn't my fight, what is?

Talking to the people who stood up to Voldemort, the ones whose words fill these pages with stories greater than anything I could ever tell you, it made me realise something. They didn't fight for some huge, incredible, untouchable reason that none of us normal little people could manage. They fought because it was right, or because they got swept up in it all, or because the thought of not fighting was so much worse than the idea of dying. They each had their own reason, to stand up and be counted.

If you take anything from this, and I know I've taken so much away from it all, then I hope it's this. Fight. Fight against the wrong thing in your life. That jump you're scared to take, that voice inside you that thinks you're not good enough, that sense that you'll fail so what's the point of trying? They tried. They won. So why can't we?

I've lied about a lot of things in my life. About who I am, because I thought it's what people wanted from me. As of today, that ends for me. That's my fight. And I'll stumble. I'll slip and fall and struggle. You know what, that's okay. Everyone falls. But if they'd lost, do you think we'd have hated them? We'd have whispered their names, celebrated their sacrifice. Failing isn't losing, not trying, that's the real loss.

So, take some advice from the woman who normally tells you how to get confidence through how you look or the ways you can talk to others. The woman who gives you the slices of her life she wants to share but can't quite give you everything. Live by living, not by hiding and maybe one day I'll be writing your story too.

oOo

That's what went out. That was my story. Katherine was impressed. Very impressed, she said, which is insanely high praise let me tell you. Alice loved it too. I like to think it helped her. Whether it was that or something else, I don't know, but I do know she's moved out now. Her and her mum have hired someone to help with her dad. He's… adapting.

"The worst part is I know why I've left it so long," Alice confessed one day when we were out at lunch. She'd just spent the last twenty minutes filling me in on Vera, the healer who was living in her with her dad and trying to help his dementia. He was still having rough days, but nowhere near as bad. "I'm scared he'll forget me. How selfish is that?"

"It's not, Alice. It's human."

"Yeah, right. I see that healer helping him and think… you know, maybe if she'd been there sooner…"

"You can't think like that," it was horrible. Tears were flowing freely down her cheeks. In the distance, muggle boys were kicking a football and screaming at each other. "Alice. Please, don't think like that. You were looking after him. You helped."

"I was selfish."

"A bit of you might've been, but you gave up so much to be with him. To care for him. Most people wouldn't have."

She brushed away the tears, unable to look at me and instead blowing out a long sigh that caused her long hair to flick up out of her face. "I hope you're right."

"I'm always right."

"Oh yeah, I seem to remember you thinking you'd cock up this Hogwarts stuff," a watery smile accompanying a forced laugh.

"Okay, right about you. C'mon, you're amazing. You're strong, funny, smart and above all, you're kind. You're there for him, your mum, me, probably loads of other people I don't even know about. Trust me, mate, you're doing fine. More than fine. You're bloody amazing. No-one's gonna hate you for wanting a few more months with him. If it was my dad, I don't know if I could do what you did."

"I didn't do anything."

"That's crap and you know it. You did everything. More than everything. You were great. But, I'm glad you got that healer."

"Yeah, me too." She paused, staring out at the park. The sun hung high in the sky, doing its best to poke through the vast carpet of clouds that tried to suck the joy from an English summer. Little did they know even a hint of sun got middle-aged men wearing shorts and losing their tops, or that just the idea of a warm day meant way too much beer and everyone suddenly remembering the barbeque they'd swear they would use the previous year.

"You gonna tell me what this secret is? The one from your story. I promise I won't tell."

"I know."

"That's not a yes."

"It's not a no either," I grinned, I did want to tell her. I did. Just not then. She didn't push me. Not like the people who read the story. I got letter after letter, of people saying they'd been hiding. Just like me. Some were trying to guess what it was. Others demanded I reveal it in the next issue. Only a few got it right. I told my folks first. They listened, quietly. It was weird. Then, when I'd finished, they just looked at me, nodded, and then asked if anyone else knew. I said no, they nodded again and then dad asked about Daphne.

Yeah, I said I'd not told her. I still haven't. Guess we'll see how that goes, right? I mean, how are you meant to tell your straight best friend of over a decade that you've fancied them since the day you met? Fancied. Yeah right, Davis. Okay, I'm in love with her. Or I was. Now, I'm not sure what it is. I know it won't work, but I can't move on either. I'm like a fish on a hook, knowing I'm going to be yanked out of the water but still desperately clinging to the murky depths.

I know what you're thinking, what's this got to do with the Battle of Hogwarts? How does this random reporter's love life affect me? Well, I guess that's the thing. The Battle can affect everyone, it just depends if you'll get the message they were trying to give me. Harry didn't, I think he still hates me. Alice did, I think. I hope you do, Daph. I really hope you do.

AN: That's it for this chapter and potentially this story. I am happy to write up an epilogue discussing the fallout of this but am also debating fleshing it out with a part two. I'd be interested to know what you guys think as, after all, you've been coming back and enjoying it. I hope. Let me know what you think and until then, I hope you are having a great day.