One Day at a Time

by alexandra.emerson

What do you do when your memory resets itself each night? Who can you trust? Can you live a meaningful life? Can you find love? These are the questions plaguing Hermione since her accident and there's one person with the answers– if only she can remember. "I know it's scary to march into each day without a plan but remember, you're not alone." Harmony / Post-war / Hurt-comfort.

7. Chapter 7 - Teddy Lupin

Chapter 7: Teddy Lupin

Later that night, Harry and Hermione were lying on a blanket in the middle of an empty field, looking up at the stars. They were trying to remember all the constellations they'd learned in school.

"You know, this is just making me think of the Blacks," Harry was saying. "That was sort of weird, how they were all named after stars, right?"

Hermione smiled. "Yeah, and it turned out some strange names, like Draco and Andromeda, but it is nice to have a theme. My parents had one, but then they only had me."

Harry turned his head to face her and grabbed her hand. "What was their theme? Greek mythology?"

"No. I wasn't named after that Hermione. I was named after the Hermione from Shakespeare's The Winter's Tale. Their theme was Shakespeare, but only the comedies."

Tears were streaming down her face as she thought of her parents and how they didn't remember her anymore. Sort of like how she didn't remember anything. That seemed an apt punishment for what she'd done to them. Harry reached out to her and pulled her against his side and she buried her head in his chest.

"They remember, Hermione. I'm sure. The same way you hold so much in your heart, they're holding their memories of you in theirs."

Hermione nodded and wrapped an arm around his torso. It was like a treat getting to be so close to him. Harry had kept his distance from her all day but the few times they'd touched, she'd felt immediately at ease. If she'd been doubting her feelings for him - which she hadn't been - she'd be sure now that they were real.

"I didn't know that about you," he continued, "about who you were named after." He was looking back up at the stars and absently stroking her hair. "I don't know who I was named after. I sort of just assumed my parents liked how the name sounded."

"Harry Potter," Hermione said slowly. "It does sound very nice."

Harry looked down at her and smiled just as she'd been propping her chin up on her fist and smiling up at him. Her heart fluttered again. It had been doing that all day.

Then, before she could talk herself out of it, she shifted up slightly and placed a soft kiss on his lips. "I think we need to talk about it, now," she whispered as she pulled away.

Harry stroked her cheek and nodded, then pulled her back in for another, longer kiss. It was tender, and slow, and…everything. Hermione's heart felt like it was going to burst and she wondered why they hadn't been doing this all day.

Instead, they'd been doing an excellent job of avoiding the topic Ron had tried to force them to confront this morning. They'd hiked, searching for a list of Potions ingredients Hermione had written out earlier in the week. They'd gone for a swim, basked in the sun while Hermione read and Harry napped, and just before dinner, Harry had even managed to coax Hermione onto a broom.

They'd made dinner over the fire like Muggles, which had been surprisingly fun, then they'd roasted marshmallows as the sun set. It had been Harry's idea to find somewhere without so many trees around so they could look at the stars and they'd remounted their brooms and flown around until they found this spot.

But all day, the truth had been hanging in the air between them. And it felt like everything had been building up to this moment when they'd finally talk about it. Hermione had been trying to figure out how she was supposed to "fix it," as Ron had said, but she was at a complete loss, mostly because she didn't know exactly what was going on. All she knew was that lying here, next to Harry, felt perfect.

Hermione shifted in Harry's arms so she was looking up at the stars and tried to decide where to start. Harry spoke before she'd come up with anything. "What questions do you have?"

Hermione took a deep breath, then said in a rush, "First, before any questions, I want to tell you that I love you. I'm not sure of much, but I'm sure of that. I – I always loved you, even before, I don't know if you know that. There was already a space in my heart for you and today – when I tried to find those feelings again, they were stronger – like, really, really strong. I don't know what the point of all this rambling is just, um," she paused to sigh and Harry tightened his grip on her.

"I guess I just want you to know how much I love you since I can see how because of my condition, I might not tell you often enough," she finished.

Harry bent his head down and kissed the top of her head. "Thank you. I love you, too. Like, a lot."

Hermione thought she could hear tears in his voice and almost looked up at him but held back and kept her eyes focused on the stars. She thought if she saw him crying right now, she'd completely lose it and she wanted to keep her head.

"Okay, uh, questions," she began tentatively.

"Yeah."

"We love each other, we've established that, but we've never tried to pursue a relationship?"

"No."

"Oh."

"I wanted to," he said. "I still do. But you, uh, don't."

Hermione's chest clenched. Ron had told her this and she'd been thinking about it all day but hearing it from Harry made it finally feel real. It was her fault they weren't together. She was the one causing the pain she could hear in Harry's voice. And she was pretty sure she knew why she kept holding back. The long list of reasons why they couldn't have a proper future together had been running through her mind all day.

But she wasn't sure if she'd ever told Harry all her reasons, so she asked, "Do you know why?"

Harry was silent for several moments and when he eventually spoke again, his response wasn't at all what she'd been expecting. "You think you're the moon and I'm the sun and that because of our circumstances, we'd never be able to make it work, despite how desperately we love each other."

"How poetic."

"Yes. I believe you were inspired by a book of poems."

Hermione turned onto her side and wrapped an arm around Harry's middle. She buried her head in his chest and asked, "What happened, Harry? What's our story?" Then, she added in her head, Where did all this pain Ron was referring to come from? What did I do? And most importantly, can it be fixed, or is it too late for that?

Harry wrapped both of his arms around her and hugged her tightly. "I don't think I've ever told you everything. You've learned bits here and there but, never all of it."

"Will you tell me now?"

"Yeah."

But he was quiet and she guessed he was trying to figure out how to start. Or maybe, he was just working up the courage to start. She waited patiently as she listened to his heartbeat and felt the rise and fall of his chest.

"It started two Aprils ago when Ginny and I broke up," he began. "She ended it because she was convinced I was in love with you. I didn't agree and thought she was being immature and ridiculous, but, well, she was right. Though, it took me a lot longer to figure it out."

"How much longer?" Hermione asked. She was tracing patterns on Harry's chest as he spoke.

"Not until that next November. I was very slow."

"Yeah. You're weren't the best at that sort of thing in school," she joked.

Harry tickled her side. "Thanks for that."

Hermione looked up at him and smiled, then kissed the underside of his jaw before putting her head back down on his chest.

"Anyway, I realized I'd fallen in love with you, then kind of sat on it for two months until one night, I sort of cracked and just blurted it out. It wasn't a special day or anything, we were just watching the telly when I turned to you and said, 'I'm in love with you.'"

"What did I say?" she asked, unsure if she wanted to know the response.

"You were quiet, eerily so. You kept your eyes on the screen and I was thinking, 'Damn. Did she hear me? Should I say it again?' But before I could work up the courage to do or say anything else, you turned to me and kissed me. It was – incredible."

"Yeah?"

"Yes. A very good first kiss."

"Did I know it was our first kiss at the time?"

"You didn't know when you leaned in and kissed me but I told you right after. And that whole night while I was lying in bed, I felt so happy and light I thought I'd float away. And that next morning I was so eager to see you, I woke up at five and sat in the kitchen waiting for you. And then, uh, you didn't remember."

"I didn't write it down?"

"No."

"I'm so sorry."

Harry propped his chin on her head and sighed. "Yeah. I was confused, more than anything, and that's when I started to second-guess myself. Not my feelings, I knew those were real, but I started thinking of all these reasons why it wouldn't work."

"Like what?" She wondered how many of his reasons overlapped with the ones she'd thought of today.

"First, I thought it would be impossible for you to fall in love with me the same way I'd fallen in love with you: gradually, over the course of several months. I still thought you mostly reset every day, even though Neville was insistent that you were remembering things subconsciously. And, well, around that time Teddy had been staying over a lot more and I watched you get more comfortable with him week to week and even suspected you'd come to love him. So, that disproved that theory.

"And then I got this other thought in my head; it came from George and Angelina's wedding. Someone said in a toast or something that marriage was as simple as choosing to stay with your partner every day. Some days would be harder than others, but you just had to continue to choose them. I dwelled on that line for weeks, thinking, 'Hermione can't do that. She has these systems setup that she relies on each morning when she's deciding what to do each day and so much of it depends on her trusting the decisions her past self has made.'

"I thought, 'If Hermione chooses me, she'll just do so once, then continue to go along with it even if her heart isn't in it, anymore. She wouldn't be choosing me every day, she'd be choosing once. And how is that fair?'"

"That's a good point," Hermione said. "I hadn't thought of that."

Harry sighed and shook his head. "Yeah, it was logical and all, but wrong. Because during that three-month period when I was trying to keep my distance and not blurt out that I loved you, you kept seeking me out. You were choosing me, over and over again. Sometimes we kissed and sometimes we just talked and it occurred to me that I had just been using that 'choose once' thing as an excuse because I was scared. You were a lot more intuitive than I'd originally given you credit for and I was sure that if one day you found yourself in a relationship with me and didn't want it, you'd just end it. I mean – you obviously didn't have any qualms about rejecting me – since you continued to do it every time you realized how we felt about each other."

"Oh. So, I just kept forgetting?"

"Yeah."

"And I never said why?"

Harry sighed. "No."

Hermione could tell this was leading up to something. "But then, something changed?"

"Yeah. Something changed. That was April, when I'd figured out my reasons for staying away from you were unfounded, like I just said, and one day, I decided to tell you I loved you in the morning so you'd have all day to think about it. I thought the problem before was that you didn't learn about it until later in the day, so you only had a few hours to consider everything before falling asleep."

"Did that work? What happened that day?"

"I made you breakfast, then told you I loved you, then kissed you – because I'd learned by then that your body seemed to know we were in love long before your mind figured it out. And you were wary at first, though I could tell you were feeling something, and as the day went on you got a lot more comfortable and-" he sighed and held her closer.

"It was a perfect day," he continued. "That night was the first time we slept together. It was wonderful, not awful, even though it was your first time. You always seem to worry about that." He leaned down and kissed the top of her head again and she couldn't help but smile, since she had been wondering that very thing. "Then after, we lay in bed for hours, talking about how we could make a relationship work with the memory loss. Then-" he cut off.

Hermione looked up but Harry kept his face forward. "What happened?" she asked, though she knew. Ron had told her. She'd left and broken his heart.

"You left when I was asleep," he confirmed. "And the next morning, you'd forgotten everything."

"Oh."

"Yeah. Oh," he sighed.

"That pattern continued for several months. Sometimes I admitted I loved you, sometimes you admitted it, sometimes I kissed you first, other times it was you who started it, sometimes we had sex, and every time, you forgot. And I started to think that maybe you were putting off your decision until the end of the month. I know it's hard for you to make decisions without all the information, so I came to expect you to forget in the middle of the month, but thought surely once you reached your month-end review, you'd have to do something. Especially when you saw all the times we'd been together."

"Did I ever come to talk to you during my reviews at the end of the month?"

Harry shook his head. "I waited for you to seek me out. But three months went by, and nothing. By July, I was getting restless, and Ron and Ginny were pushing me to confront you. They said that sitting alone in your room surrounded by papers was one thing, but that if you were forced to face with me and talk through everything, you wouldn't be able to be so…so..."

"Cold?" Hermione provided.

"Yeah," he said. Hermione's heart clenched. She'd been hoping he wouldn't agree with her.

"Okay," she said tentatively. "Was July different?"

"Yeah. July was different. I went to work and gave you time to review your notes alone, then around mid-afternoon I checked in on you. And that's when I figured out why you hadn't sought me out during those previous month-end reviews."

"Why?"

"You hadn't written anything down about us, not even in the hidden section of your notebook. So, during those month-end reviews you had no idea about our history."

"Oh. So, what? You finally told me everything?"

"Yeah."

He was quiet and Hermione knew whatever he was going to say next was going to be bad. So, she was surprised when he said, "I told you everything, even gave you the dates of all the times we'd been together – since I had written them down. You cried and apologized, and we talked, then we shagged and agreed that it was stupid to try to stay away from each other, since it clearly wasn't working, and that we should give it a shot.

"Then I got a Patronus from Ron, reminding me I'd agreed to go out to the pub, since it was my birthday. I didn't want to leave, but you told me to go and said while I was gone you'd work on changing all your letters and summaries so the next day you'd know we were together. So, I went."

Hermione waited for him to continue talking, but he stayed quiet. She could feel him taking slow, deep breaths. "What happened?"

"I don't know. Luna stopped by the house and said later you were spiraling, but she won't give me any details about it. I assume you were talking yourself out of it or realizing you'd made promises to me that didn't match what you truly wanted. I should have been there. I shouldn't have left you alone. Anyway, you-" He paused to take a deep breath.

"You stayed in your room for the rest of the night. Earlier you'd said you'd come to my room and when you didn't, I went to check on you, but the door was locked and you'd put up a Silencing Charm. I thought maybe you'd just decided to take some time to yourself to re-write everything and I left you alone."

"And then I forgot again?"

"You didn't just forget," he said, his voice shaking, "you erased me. You took everything I'd made for you, everything that made you feel better about yourself and your life and locked it away. You decided you'd rather be sad and uncomfortable than see any hint of me in the morning. I'm surprised you didn't throw my summary away, too."

His voice broke at the end and Hermione hugged him, at a loss for what else to do. Ron's voice echoed in her mind. "It's a really toxic relationship…it's tearing Harry apart."

She was about to apologize but she couldn't bring herself to speak. All the words she could think to say felt too hollow. Harry spoke before she'd worked up the nerve to say anything.

"Hermione. I need a favor."

"Anything," she said immediately.

"I can't do it anymore, the back and forth. I need you to write down everything I just told you and in five days, when you do your next month-end review, you need to make a final decision. Choose me, or not, but I can't do the in-between anymore. If you don't choose me, no more kissing, or shagging, or declarations of love. Just…friends."

"Okay."

"After this month, you can't forget," he repeated. "Please. Every time you do it hurts less. And I think it's because you're taking a piece of me each time. And I - I don't have much more to give you."

It's tearing Harry apart.

Tears were streaming down Hermione's face now. "I understand, Harry," she said through her tears. "I promise. I won't forget."

---

A few hours later, Hermione was standing outside Harry's room in the tent, trying to work up the courage to do what she should have done ages ago. But in her defense, she didn't have the context she did now. All those other times, she hadn't heard Ron describe her relationship with Harry as toxic, hadn't seen the tears in Harry's eyes or heard his voice break as he talked about all the times she'd given him hope, then stolen away and let herself forget him.

"Knock, knock," she managed to force out after a few more minutes of just standing there, shifting her weight from one leg to the other.

Harry opened the flap to his room and tied it back. "Hi." If he was surprised to see her, he was doing a good job of hiding it.

"I couldn't knock for real, on the canvas, so I just said 'knock knock…'" Hermione sighed and dropped her head in her hand. Okay, that was a stupid way to start. When she looked back up at Harry, his expression was still impassive. He was waiting patiently for her to say something useful. She took a deep breath.

"I came to say that, uh, I wrote it all down, everything you told me outside. I wrote a letter and sealed it with a spell that won't release until August 31st. So, at the end of the month, when I'm looking through all my notes, I'll read it and, um, I won't forget again."

"Okay. Thank you." His voice was flat, devoid of all emotion, and she thought again of the thing he'd said that had broken her heart the most. "You can't forget. Every time you do, it hurts less and I think it's because you're taking a piece of me each time."

Hermione's eyes filled with tears and she dropped her head. "Say it!" a voice shouted in her head. "Say the next thing you planned to say. You owe that to him. Just say it!"

Harry placed a hand under her chin and gently pulled her face up. "What's wrong?"

Hermione hesitated and a few tears fell down her face. She wiped them away quickly and stepped back, out of his grasp. "Harry. Um. I wanted to let you know that I already know what I'm going to decide. I wrote it in the letter. I've been thinking about it since we got back, well, all day, actually and, and-"

She cut off and looked back down at the floor. "Just tell him, Hermione! You're not a coward; you can do this."

Harry stayed quiet and when Hermione looked back up at him, he was watching her with a concerned expression. She closed her eyes and whispered, "I can't do this."

Harry waited for Hermione to open her eyes again before replying. "You can't do this? What does that mean?"

"Us."

His gaze hardened and he crossed his arms. "Why not?"

Hermione hesitated. She was struggling to put the hours she'd spent agonizing into words. The reason she couldn't be with Harry felt more like a dread, than anything else. A sickening feeling when she pictured him getting upset when she didn't remember, repeating the same words day in and day out, sighing and rolling his eyes as his life became more and more tedious, the look of disappointment when all their friends started having children, and they couldn't.

"It's not because I don't love you, Harry," she said in a soft voice. "I want nothing more than to be with you, but you deserve better than me - than this whole situation. You deserve someone who remembers the first time she kissed you, the first time she made love to you, who remembers enough to know when she's hurting you. That alone – the fact that I was able to hurt you so thoroughly, without even realizing, is reason enough. You deserve-"

"-to have what I want," he finished for her. "Which is you. And that's my decision to make, not yours. Is that why you've been forgetting this whole time?! To protect me?!"

"I – I have no idea. I don't remember anything!" She was shouting now, mainly because he was shouting, but it felt good to get out all the tension that had been building up in her chest.

"Fine. But now, that's your reason? Because you think you know better than me what's best for me? I'm sure you haven't forgotten the promise you had me make when we were camping."

Hermione's heart dropped. Yes. She had forgotten. Not in the same way she forgot everything else, but while she'd been thinking of what to do with Harry, she hadn't considered their promise.

"I know you remember," he pressed.

She stayed quiet.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" he asked in a low, cold tone. Hermione remained silent, at a complete loss for words.

"At the beginning of the month you sent me this note that completely gutted me. It said something like: The only thing I wanted more than you, was your happiness. This whole time I've been fiercely defending your right to choose what you wanted for your life, but that note made it seem like you were deciding for me, not you."

Harry paused, waiting for Hermione to speak, but she stayed quiet.

"And I let it go. Ron kept pushing, insisting that this was the reason you kept rejecting me, but I argued back and told him you were drunk that night and probably didn't mean it because you, of all people, would never do that to me."

He paused again, obviously waiting for Hermione to speak, but she had no memory of leaving him that note. He had to know that.

"I told Ron how you made me promise you that if we ever made it to the end of the war, that I'd never let another person control my life again. I told him how at St. Mungo's, just a few weeks after the war, you bit my head off because you thought I was letting myself get manipulated again. I told him how you knew better than anyone how important it is for me to live my own life and that you would never take my right to choose what I wanted for myself away from me."

Hermione dropped her head, no longer able to maintain his intense gaze. He was right. She was just as bad as Dumbledore and the Ministry, deciding what was best for Harry rather than letting him decide for himself.

"You did just that!" he continued. "You're just as bad as the rest of them. I've been miserable - we've both been miserable, and it's all because you went and made a decision that wasn't yours to make!"

Tears were streaming down her face now and falling onto the floor. Harry sighed and gently placed his hands on her shoulders. She heard him taking deep breaths as she continued to cry. "Look at me," he said softly.

She took a deep breath and lifted her head. "I don't need you to look out for me, Hermione. I know you did that the whole time we were growing up, but I don't need it anymore. And this memory loss, it's not an issue for me. Yes, you need help every morning and yes, you forget the little details and yes, I spend time repeating things but it doesn't bother me because I'd rather be with you, than anyone I've ever met."

Harry lifted his arm and brushed her tears away with the back of his hand. "I want you – no – I need you because I only feel like me when I'm with you and all the rest of it – I really, really, don't care."

The way he was talking about her condition, like it was inconsequential, made Hermione snap. "Well, good for you, Harry. But I do care, okay?!" Hermione pushed Harry's arms away from her.

"I don't want this! I don't want the guilt. I don't want the not knowing. I don't want to forget! I don't want to do this anymore! I don't want to be like this! We promised each other we'd live our own lives after the war, but then the war never ended! I'm still in it! I have to battle every day to sort through references I don't understand, and come to terms with this awful diagnosis and it's hard and I'm tired and yeah – I don't even remember it all but I know I'm tired and it's not fair. I did everything right but then this happened and it's not fair!"

Hermione burst into sobs and before she could drop her head into her hands, Harry stepped forward and pulled her into his chest. "I know," he muttered as she cried. "You don't deserve this and I know you hate it and I know you're tired but it's not normally this bad. It's that damned challenge. You stopped accepting help and you tried to do it all alone, but you don't have to do that. Let me help you. Please."

Hermione had no idea if what he was saying was true. Had it been better before this month? If that was true, why had she done the challenge in the first place? She didn't know what to believe anymore and she hated it. She cried into his shoulder for several minutes while he ran one hand through her hair and massaged her back with the other.

"Ron was right," Harry said after a while. "I haven't fought for you before now. I thought that was the right thing, but it wasn't."

Harry leaned back and lifted her chin so he could see her face. "You can't decide for me, Hermione. If you don't want this because you don't want it, then that's one thing – but I won't let you decide for me. I need you to add that to your letter."

Hermione nodded as her tears continued to fall. They stood there in the doorway to Harry's room for several moments, just watching each other. Hermione knew she should say something, especially after everything Harry had accused her of, but she was completely spent. She'd taken in so much information today and dealt with a whirlwind of emotions and by this point, she had no idea what she was doing for her and what she was doing for Harry anymore. She was just tired.

She laid her forehead against Harry's chest and wrapped her arms around him. "You said earlier I told you that you were the sun and I was the moon. I think that's true because I know I need to go now. I need to go back to my room, write this down, and let this day be forgotten. But I can't pull myself away from you. It feels like there's a gravitational pull keeping me right here."

Harry leaned back and tilted her head up. "There was no moon tonight. Did you notice? That's why the stars were so bright."

"What are you saying?"

Harry leaned in and kissed her, pulling her closer to him by the waist. Hermione melted into him, linking her hands behind his neck and entwining her tongue with his as they deepened their kiss. As Harry walked backward into his room, pulling Hermione with him, she understood what he'd been saying. Even the sun and the moon, who were doomed to be apart, met up on occasion.

"I can't stay the night, Harry. I-"

Harry silenced her with another kiss. She leaned into him, giving over completely to the feeling of his lips on hers and his arms wrapped around her. He moved his hands under her shirt and slowly began lifting it up. When he leaned back to pull it over her head he asked, "Do you want this?"

"Yes," she said immediately.

Harry tossed her shirt to the side, then pulled off his own shirt in one motion. "Okay. Then just be here with me. We can figure out the rest later."

Later. The word echoed around in her mind as the rest of her brain focused on Harry, who was unbuttoning her jeans now. Later, she'd go back to her room. Later, she'd write down everything Harry had just said. Later, she'd fall asleep and she'd forget and later, she'd read the letter she'd written herself tonight and know to never kiss Harry again. But that was later. For now, she was determined to enjoy their eclipse.

---

"The valiant knight carried the princess through the dark, scary forest," Harry was saying in a dramatic voice, "when suddenly, they were stopped by a…" he turned to Teddy, waiting for him to fill in the story.

"Dragon!" Teddy shouted.

Harry leaned into Hermione and muttered, "I could have guessed that one. Another dragon, please."

Hermione smiled and twirled her wand, shaping another piece of paper into a dragon. Then, she floated it onto the path in front of the paper knight and princess she'd created earlier. There was already a herd of various colored dragons several feet behind, near the bookshelf, where the knight and princess had recently escaped from.

"What color is this dragon?" Hermione whispered to Teddy.

"Uh…pup-ple!"

Hermione turned the paper dragon purple, causing Teddy to clap loudly. She smiled over Teddy at Harry, who was watching her admiringly. Hermione's heart skipped a beat, then she shook her head.

It's not you he's admiring, but your spellwork. Get a grip! She'd been misinterpreting looks like this from Harry all day. What was wrong with her? Was she lonely? Maybe she missed having a boyfriend, which was causing her to see innocent gestures from her best friend, who happened to be a very charming and attractive wizard, as romantic. How pathetic.

"And the dragon was eating…" Harry continued, seemingly unaware of the strange thoughts running through Hermione's head.

"A nana!" Teddy yelled.

Hermione created a small old lady out of paper and floated it into the paper dragon's mouth, which caused Harry to burst into laughter. Teddy looked confused, then laughed too, clearly wanting to be in on the joke.

"Not a grandmother," Harry said through his laughs, "a banana." Harry had been lying on his side, but he moved to his back as he continued to laugh at Hermione's mistake.

Teddy took the opportunity to climb on top of him and start jumping on his stomach. "Nana! Nana!" Teddy cried out as Harry continued to laugh.

Hermione vanished the old lady and folded the next piece of paper into a yellow banana. "Okay. I fixed it. It's a banana, now," she grumbled.

Harry moved Teddy off of him and turned back onto his side. "I can't believe you made the dragon eat an actual nana," he whispered to Hermione, pretending to sound scandalized. "Teddy's two and now you've put images of dragons eating his Gran in his head."

She pushed him playfully. "Yeah, yeah, continue your story."

"Okay. So, the dragon stopped them on the path and…"

"Roar! Roar!" Teddy cried.

Hermione made the dragon open his mouth while Harry made roaring sounds.

"Now fire! Fire!" Teddy instructed next.

"Okay, but you need to move back," Hermione said as she leaned in and aimed her wand carefully. She looked at Harry, who had grabbed Teddy around the middle and was nodding at her, indicating it was safe to create the fire.

She focused on the area near the paper dragon's mouth. She would have to be precise with her spellcasting so that she ignited the area near the paper figure without actually touching it.

"Fire, fire!" Teddy yelled again.

"Fire, fire!" Harry added, louder.

Hermione kicked his leg. "You hush."

She made a tiny stream of fire come out of the dragon's mouth but couldn't stop it before it landed on the princess, causing her to burst into flames. The miniature paper princess fell over and turned black before Hermione managed to vanish the flames. Hermione looked up at Harry and said apologetically, "Oh, shoot. I'm sorry."

"And the dragon gobbled them all up!" Harry declared as he vanished the knight and burnt princess with his wand. "Nap time!"

Before Teddy could figure out if he was happy or sad about the abrupt end to the story, Harry scooped him up and tossed him over her shoulder, causing Teddy to laugh at the inelegant way he was being marched out of the room.

When the boys were gone, Hermione started clearing the paper dragons she'd made earlier as she smiled to herself. That had been fun. And watching Teddy's eyes widen with wonder with each new thing she'd created had been the best part. It was funny that even though he'd grown up surrounded by magic, he still found something as simple as moving paper figures astonishing.

Hermione sighed and laid back on the rug as she looked up at the ceiling. The molding around the room was lovely. Actually, the entire room was lovely. Harry had told her earlier that she'd designed the library and she could see her style in the room: neat, clean, but also comfortable, the latter of which was necessary for a library. She turned her head to look at the bookshelves and her eye was caught by a book on the bottom shelf with a note scrawled across the front.

She crawled over and saw the note was written in her handwriting: Only read when you're in a good mood! I mean it, Hermione.

Now, Hermione had to know what was inside. She moved to the sofa and pulled the book onto her lap as she wondered whether that note ever worked to deter her. She was in a good mood now, so it seemed like an okay time to open the book, but even if she was feeling off, she couldn't see herself seeing that note and not at least peeking inside. She was too curious.

She flipped through the book and realized quickly why the note was there. It was research on the meaning of life which was heavy, even for someone who wasn't suffering from debilitating memory loss. She stopped at a random theory and began to read the page.

Theory Two: To love and improve the lives of others

Relevant Philosophies:

Enlightenment – meaningful existence = social order

Mohism – the purpose of life is universal, impartial love

Hermione turned back to the front of the book and found a long list of all the philosophies she'd researched. She was impressed by how detailed her notes were and how they were cross-referenced with a deeper dive into each philosophy. She turned back to theory two, then moved to the next page. Her eyes were drawn to a quote, which she'd circled.

To love and be loved is the point of it all. Yet love, so important and central to our lives, is a complex experience and a confusing word.

Under the quote she'd written a few notes. The first one made her smile: Complicated is right. Whoever said this had no idea…

The second note was sadder: Can I continue to build love with this condition? Or am I just relying on the love I'd built up before my accident? How would I know? How do you measure love? I feel like people love me deeper than I can love them and it kills me.

"Hey." Hermione looked up and saw Harry leaning in the doorway.

"Oh, hi," she closed the book quickly and discreetly wiped her eyes, realizing just then they were wet. "How's Teddy?"

"Asleep."

Harry crossed the room and sat on the couch, then motioned toward the book. "Which section were you reading?"

"The one about love."

"Ah. What made you cry?"

She smiled, so much for trying to hide her tears from Harry. "You know me too well."

"Only as well as you know me."

"Still?" How was it possible for her to know him well these days, given her condition?

"Yes, still," Harry insisted. "I'm the same person at my core as I always was."

"But people change, Harry. As you grow you'll change and I won't know you, I'll still see you as the person you were. So – how can I love you properly?" She motioned back toward the book.

"It's not as mental as you think, love. It lives in your heart, and your heart does not reset each night."

"What do you mean?"

Harry shifted closer to her and took her hand in both of his. "I thought the same as you in the beginning, that you wouldn't be able to fall in love with someone new. They'd obviously fall in love with you - but if you didn't love them at the time of your accident, you wouldn't be able to develop the feelings over time. But that's not true – I'm sure of it, now."

"How are you so sure?"

"Teddy."

"Ted – oh…" She smiled as she looked at the spot where they'd been playing. "You think I love him?"

"You tell me. You've spent all day with him, how does it feel? Do you love him?"

"I don't-" Hermione cut off and tried to assess her feelings for the small boy. She liked how it felt to hold him, and she really liked making him laugh. And earlier, when he'd fallen off that toy broom in the yard, her chest had clenched at the sight of his tears. But he was a very cute toddler, maybe she was reacting to him because of some latent maternal instincts. "I don't know," she concluded.

"You do love him," Harry declared. "I've seen your affection towards him build over time. In the beginning, you resented him and, well, you remember why."

They were quiet and she knew they were thinking about the same thing - their fight in the halls of St. Mungo's just before her accident.

"Teddy Lupin? You're staying here for some baby you don't even know? What happened to our promise? The war ended just a few weeks ago and you're already doing it, letting other people control your life. Teddy is not your responsibility, Harry!"

"He's my godson," Harry argued back. "And he's sick and the healers have no idea what's going on. I need to be here to support Andromeda, and him, just - just in case."

"I know he's technically your godson, but Lupin had no right to put that on you. Maybe, if he'd been there at all for you, but after third year, he completely abandoned you. And when you lost Sirius, he should have been there but he stayed away. You needed someone like him more than ever and he was just - gone. Then when he needs you, he has no problem making you the godfather of his son. It's ridiculous!"

"He was going through a lot, Hermione. It must have been so hard for him being a werewolf, and he was on orders from Dumbledore to rally more support for our side."

"Don't even get me started on Dumbledore." Hermione let out a long sigh. "You're too forgiving, Harry. I do love it about you, but sometimes I also wish you'd just hold a proper grudge."

Harry smiled and placed a hand on her shoulder. "I'm so sorry."

Hermione wiped her eyes. "So, you're really not coming to Australia?"

The sound of Harry's voice snapped Hermione out of her thoughts. "I thought Teddy needed me more that week. I was wrong." He was looking down at their hands, which were still clasped.

"It wouldn't have changed anything."

"I would feel less guilty now," he said with a small smile. Hermione leaned into him.

"I'm sorry for what I said. It was wrong. And I'm glad you have Teddy in your life. He clearly adores you and you, him, and I - I'm glad he's here."

"You do love him," Harry repeated. "And it proves that you can have a happy future - you've told yourself you don't deserve it - but you can have it, you just need to choose it."

Harry was staring at her intently now. "You're talking about something besides Teddy, now."

"Someone besides Teddy," he corrected, keeping his eyes fixed on hers.

"Who?"

His lips turned up slightly and he squeezed her hand. "Who do you think?"

A rush of emotions hit Hermione, almost out of nowhere, as the answer to his question occurred to her. "Us," she whispered. She'd thought all day those strange, almost affectionate moments between them had all been in her head but had they been real? Had Harry felt them too? The look in his eyes right now said yes.

He lifted her hand up to his lips and kissed it. "I love you."

Well, there was her answer. It had been real. He loved her. Wow. She was quiet, unsure what to say.

"I've resolved to tell you every day until the end of the month," he continued.

"What happens at the end of the month?"

"You're going to pick me and we're going to live happily ever after," he said simply.

She had a million questions, chief of which were, "Pick you? What does that mean? What's the alternative?"

Before she could open her mouth to ask her questions, Harry cut her off. "Don't worry about it now. And don't try to sort out the implication of being in a relationship with me. I'm not asking you to do anything, or decide anything, not today. I just wanted you to know."

"Okay," she said as a smile crept across her face. "So – uh – what now?"

Harry sidled next to her on the sofa and wrapped an arm around her. "Well, if it's like yesterday, you'll think about it for a few hours, realize you love me back, tentatively lean into me, hold my hand, or link your arm with mine for the rest of the day - just to test the feeling of being close to me. Then, by the end of the night, we'll be snogging on the sofa."

She blushed and buried her head in his chest. "You're kidding, right?"

"I am not," he said matter-of-factly.

Hermione had no idea what to say to that. Harry's tone made it sound like this was some big joke, but she got the sense there was more significance behind it. Was this why he'd taken the week off from work, so he could spend the day with her and tell her he loved her? What was she supposed to do with this information? At a loss for how to answer her own question, she changed the subject. "Okay then. What do you want to do while Teddy sleeps?"

"Sit here and talk to you."

"Okay."

"Maybe work up to some light snogging."

She hit him playfully on the chest. "This is so weird. I've never seen you like this and I'm - well, frankly - I'm speechless."

He gave her a breathtaking smile. "Let's play the game, Ghost, and then see where things go from there."

She nodded as she smiled up at him. She was still lying against his chest and he still had an arm wrapped around her but she didn't move away. The idea of being with Harry romantically was weird but the feeling of it, being in his arms, feeling his warmth and his chest move up and down as he breathed, that wasn't weird at all. Rather, she felt like she was home.

---

The next day, Hermione was sitting at the desk in her room, reviewing the summary about Teddy while he played at her feet. She'd spent the last few hours alone with him and it had been fun, but exhausting. This child seemed to have an endless amount of energy. Now, she was reviewing his summary to see if she needed to make any updates. Unlike the summaries about her friends, Teddy's summary was a tactical, bulleted list of his likes and dislikes along with tips on how to care for him.

At the bottom, she'd written a note to herself that said, Review and correct this list every time you care for Teddy, as his preferences change week to week.

She was scanning the parchment as they waited for Harry to return from the Ministry. He'd taken the week off, but Kingsley had sent a Patronus an hour ago, just before dinner, asking for an urgent meeting and Harry hadn't wanted to deny the Minister for Magic.

Teddy Lupin

Food:

This child will eat all day if you let him. His standard meals are breakfast, mid-morning snack, lunch, afternoon snack, and dinner. If he's hungry in-between meals, he's only allowed cut-up vegetables.

Following that was a list of the types of foods he liked for each meal. Hermione reviewed it and put a line through "and meatballs" from the "Spaghetti and meatballs" note. She tried that for dinner and Teddy had been highly offended by the presence of the meatballs on his plate. She kept reading.

Sleep:

Teddy takes one nap a day after lunch for about 2-3 hours. All you have to do to get him down is read one book and rub his back while you sing him a song or two.

Hermione added, "He really likes the Beatles," at the end, a fact she'd discovered during today's naptime. She liked singing the songs too, as they reminded her of her parents in a pleasant, nostalgic sort of way and not the devastating way memories of her parents hit her when she recalled the moments leading up to her accident.

At night, it's harder to get Teddy to sleep. He'll seem wired and you'll think, 'there is no way this kid is ever going to wind down,' then, suddenly, he'll pass out. Just keep at it.

Hermione smiled as she continued to read, checking that she didn't need to add anything to the "Play" or "Miscellaneous" sections.

Her attention was drawn away from the parchment when she heard Teddy say Harry's name. Harry was standing in the doorframe, looking stressed. Hermione knew instantly he needed to talk to an adult, to work out whatever had gone wrong with his meeting with Kingsley. She looked back at the "Play" section.

If you ever need to distract Teddy for a solid half-hour (like when preparing dinner) you can set him up with a Disney movie. The DVDs are in the drawer just under the telly.

Hermione turned back towards Harry. "Bad meeting?"

Harry sighed heavily and nodded.

"How about I set Teddy up with a movie and you can tell me about it?"

"Yeah, okay," he said distantly. "I need to get him back to Andromeda before bed but we still have an hour or so."

Several minutes later, Hermione and Harry were sitting at the kitchen table. Harry was moving food around on his plate while Hermione waited for him to start talking. She wondered what could have possibly upset him so much. He'd told her he was on good terms with Kingsley just before he'd left, but that was all she had to go on. She hated not knowing more about his life.

"Kingsley wants me to act as a bodyguard for the head of the German government when he comes to visit, next week," Harry began.

Hermione nodded, unsure if this was the upsetting part, or if there was more.

"Apparently the German bloke requested me, specifically. And Kingsley wants me to do it, even though it's not my job and I'm nowhere near the most qualified person for the task, and he wants me to wear Auror robes and all - but I'm not an Auror and it's not fair to all the real Aurors, you know?"

Hermione nodded again. "Why didn't he ask a real Auror? Because this German man wants you?"

Harry sighed and looked down at his food. "Yeah. I guess we really need to mend things with them since they lost a lot of trust with us during the war. We need to renew a trade agreement and there are one or two Death Eaters Kingsley thinks may be hiding in Germany that we could use their help in finding. And-" he stopped to sigh, "-Kingsley thinks having me there will help with all the negotiations."

Harry finally took a bite of his meal while Hermione considered his words. She understood why he was upset. He hated the feeling of being used, understandably.

Harry took a drink of water and turned to face Hermione. "What should I do?"

Hermione almost said that she was in no position to help him, since she had no memory and therefore no grasp of the current political climate of the day, Harry's history with Kingsley, or anything else useful. But the way Harry was looking at her - his eyes vulnerable and pleading - caused her to stop and reassess. She knew Harry and she knew why this request had upset him, so maybe she could help, at least a little.

"Well, as you know, I have no context on current events, your relationship with Kingsley, how this will be perceived by the Aurors, or any of that."

"I know," he said quickly. "I still want to know what you think. Even without all that you're the most brilliant person I know and you understand me better than anyone."

Hermione couldn't help but smile. "Okay. I know why you don't like it. It probably feels like you're being forced into this for the greater good of the British government and like you said - it's not fair to the other Aurors."

Harry nodded. "Exactly. He should ask Ron, I told him that, since Ron is also a popular war hero and a proper Auror. But the German bloke wants the 'real deal,'" he added darkly.

"Yeah. I get that. I guess first, let me just say that you don't have to do this. You're allowed to say no. The weight of this new agreement between Britain and Germany does not lie on your shoulders. If you hate the idea of helping Kingsley for whatever reason, that's fine. However, if you want to help out, you can do that too and you don't need to feel slimy about it. This is just politics: being manipulative, leveraging relationships wherever you can to get what you want, that sort of thing. So, maybe, I don't know, maybe it wouldn't be awful to do this small thing and have Kingsley owe you one. But again, this is entirely up to you."

"And the Auror thing," she continued, "easy - refuse to wear Auror robes. You're not an Auror, so you won't be dressing up like one. You can make that demand, or, uh, I think you can. You tell me. Was I completely off base?"

"No. I, uh, that's perfect," he said thoughtfully. "I do want to help Kingsley but I didn't -" Harry cut off and turned to face her, "-do you think this counts as letting someone else control my life?"

Hermione thought about it. "No. I mean, it was this German guy and Kingsley's idea to start, and the reasons are political, which I know feels unpleasant to you, but you can say no. So, even if you do this to help the deal and it goes well because you're Harry Potter and famous and were standing right there, well, it was still, ultimately, your decision."

Harry smiled. "Good. I don't want to break that promise I made you, especially since I bit your head off a few days ago for breaking it yourself."

"I - what? What did I do?"

He waved her off. "The argument's over and dead. No need to rehash it."

"That - uh - I guess we don't have arguments that last longer than a day. Do we?"

"We don't. We could, if you wanted to write anything down to remember to pick up tomorrow, but you've never done that, not with me, at least."

He sounded a little sad. Before she could ask him more about it, he grabbed her hand and squeezed it. "Thank you. I went to Ron's flat just after my meeting and talked to him and his roommate, Jones, and they were useless. You might not have any of the context, but you're still amazing at giving advice."

Hermione smiled. It felt good to be useful, even with her current condition. She and Harry chatted about Ron while he finished his dinner. When he was done, he put his plate in the sink and went to get Teddy so he could take him back home.

After saying goodbye to Teddy, Hermione started to clean up. She'd tried to keep up with Teddy's messes as they'd been playing earlier, but there were still several toys strewn about the house that she'd missed. She returned them all to his room and on her way back upstairs, she noticed a mess in Harry's bedroom.

That kid. When had he done that? It must have been during the five minutes she'd popped into the loo. Teddy had taken all the contents out of the drawer of Harry's bedside table and tossed them onto his bed. Hermione shook her head and started putting them back when she noticed several scraps of parchment with her handwriting. Scrawled at the bottom of each note, in Harry's writing, were dates.

The most recent one was from earlier in the month. The only thing in this world I wanted more than you was your happiness. 05-Aug-2000.

Hermione sat on the bed and gathered up the notes in a pile. There were about ten, dating all the way back to January. But if we could have been together, what would there be to dream of? 21-Jan-2000.

Some were short and seemed like snippets from poems while some were longer, like the one from April.

To my dearest love, my brilliant Sun, the world has decided we can no longer be one. So you take the day and I'll take the night. You with your warm, happy glow. Me with my cold, lonely light.

It must be this way, always and forever, they say we can no longer share the sky together. But my nights will follow your brilliant days, I am right behind you and I will love you always. 16-Apr-2000.

Occasionally, a few of the poems repeated, like the one she'd written out on two separate days in May. One upon a time, the Moon loved the Sun. Until … The End.

Hermione shook her head as she read the notes several times. They were love poems, but incredibly sad love poems. As she read the words they felt familiar and they seemed to ignite a dark melancholy deep in her gut. What did these mean? Why had she written them out? Why did Harry have them? Were they for him?

She read the longer poem about the Sun and the Moon again. Was that referring to her and Harry? Did she love him?

"It's rude to rummage through people's things."

Hermione jumped and looked up to find Harry standing in the doorway. She opened her mouth to defend herself, but no words came out.

"Teddy?" he asked as he walked into the room.

She nodded.

Harry stopped in front of Hermione and held his hand out. She placed the pile of notes onto his outstretched palm. "Rejection letters," he said in a flat voice, then he put them in the drawer, which was still open. He added a few other items that were scattered on the bed, a small book of Defense Spells, a broomstick catalogue, and a pen. After closing the drawer, he took a seat next to Hermione and let out a long sigh.

Hermione turned to face him. He was studying her with an unreadable expression. "We were together?" she asked.

Harry nodded slowly. "Sort of. I won't go into it all now, but I guess you could say it's been an 'on again, off again' thing. You can't commit because you believe - incorrectly - that the circumstances standing in our way are insurmountable."

"Like the Sun and the Moon."

"Yes." Harry sighed again and dropped his head into his hands. Hermione could tell there was a lot of pain here. She could feel it herself, in the way her chest clenched, but she could also see it on Harry's face.

She stood and crossed the room, stopping at the window. The moon was almost full and was sparkling innocently in the night sky. One upon a time, the Moon loved the Sun. Until … The End. How depressing.

Was that really how her love story with Harry had gone? Would go? Since it seemed to still be happening. How else could it end, given her accident? She was crying now, surprised at how quickly her night had changed. Just an hour ago she'd been laughing and playing with Teddy.

A moment later, she felt Harry behind her. He placed soft hands on her arms. She looked at him in the reflection of the glass, but his eyes were up, probably looking at the moon. "The book of poems where you got all those lines, I've seen it," he said. "It opens naturally to the part about the sun and the moon but there are other poems. I've circled some for you that sum up my feelings but I don't think you've seen them. I don't think you ever get past the first part."

"Where's the book? I want to see them." Hermione turned around to face him.

He gave her a small, heartbreaking smile. "I have them memorized. Do you want to hear one?"

Hermione nodded.

"I hope you know that I would do absolutely anything in this world for you. Just name it and it's yours." Harry raised his hand and lightly traced the side of her face.

"Anything at all. Anything… just please, not nothing." Harry took a deep breath before leaning forward and resting his forehead on hers.

"The hardest thing I have ever had to do for you by far, was nothing," he continued, his voice shaking now. "There was no moment of my life more soul destroying than watching you walk away in silence when all I wanted to do was beg you not to go."

He closed his eyes and Hermione saw a tear fall onto his cheek. "That's how it happened?" she whispered, keeping her forehead pressed against his. "I left?"

Harry nodded. "But then, you kept coming back," he whispered. "Tomorrow is sort of a big deal. During your month-end review, you're going to decide, once and for all, whether you want to be with me or not."

Hermione was quiet. She had no idea what to say. There was something here, something big, she could feel it, but there was also pain. And there were a thousand reasons this wouldn't work and the more she thought of it, the more reasons she came up with.

Her mind stopped whirling when she felt his lips on her cheek. Harry leaned back and grabbed her hands. "It's easy, Hermione. Pick me. Pick us. Just say the word and I'm yours."

Harry's green eyes were boring into hers. Hermione's heart stopped beating for a moment. Why shouldn't she listen to him? Harry was incredible, she'd always loved him and she could tell that love had grown. And he clearly loved her. She should be with him and they could sort the rest out as they went.

She leaned in and kissed him, and he let out a sigh of relief, which she felt against her lips. She pulled him back into another, deeper kiss, but as she moved her mouth against his, acting almost on instinct, her mind began to wander again and brought forth all the reasons this would be too difficult.

"Harry," she breathed, pulling away. "It would be so hard. You have to see that."

"It can't possibly be harder than the past few months," Harry argued. "Believe me. Just - take a chance on us and we'll deal with the complications as they come."

"One day at a time?" she asked, recalling the name of her challenge.

He let out a dark laugh. "I've come to despise that phrase."

Hermione shook her head. "Why are you telling me all of this? You know I'm going to forget soon. Do you want me to write it down or-"

"No," he said quickly. "I mean, yes, obviously, but I know you won't. And regardless, you won't forget. You never do. Not completely."

He seemed so sure of himself that she knew it wasn't worth arguing. Plus, she didn't want to argue. She liked the idea that she didn't forget everything. Harry had mentioned it a few times today, pointing out instances when she'd seemed to know instinctively how to respond to Teddy and when she'd been able to perform spells she didn't know she knew. And the way her entire body was nearly trembling with desire for Harry - that was new. She knew she hadn't developed that profound level of affection for him in just a day.

So, instead of arguing, Hermione hugged him, linking her arms around his neck. She smiled when he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. This felt perfect and it was almost as if all their interactions over the course of the day had been leading up to this. Did this happen every night?

Through some random chance - like Teddy making a mess of Harry's things – did she find out they loved each other? How hard was that for Harry, having to convince her she loved him every day? But again, he hadn't had to do any convincing. As soon as the idea had popped into her mind, she knew it was true.

"What happens now?" Hermione whispered into his neck.

Harry pulled back and looked over at the clock on the wall. He took a deep breath and turned toward the window. Hermione could see the moon reflecting off the lenses of his glasses. "Now, you go back to your room," he said sadly. "I don't want you to," he added in a rush. "I want you to stay here and never leave, but if I invite you to stay, you'll steal away at some point in the night."

Harry motioned toward the bedside table and added with a sad smile, "Sometimes you even leave a poem behind."

"I'm so sorry, Harry," she whispered.

He tilted her chin up and placed a soft kiss on her lips. "I know. So, anyway, to answer your earlier question: You go back to your room, you forget, and then tomorrow - Well, tomorrow I fight for you."

He locked his eyes on hers and his gaze was fierce. She was reminded of how he'd looked before marching into battle. "You haven't lost a battle yet," she said with a small smile.

His face lit up for the first time since he'd walked into the room. "And I don't intend to start losing now."

---

A/N: We're finally getting some answers. Yay! Thanks for reading! All poetry in this story is from Ranata Suzuki.