Each Moment Lost to the Past
Chapter 10
Bella's POV
I have plenty of time to worry myself into an anxiety ridden mess before my date, but the day Alice and I planned to go out, suddenly erases all those fears. Alice has a strange way of simultaneously putting me completely at ease and stressing me out to ledge of an anxiety attack.
When I let her in three days after Christmas, she's a whirlwind of fabric and excitement, and I'm helpless to her fashion mind. She drags me up the stairs past a startled Charlie and into my own room. I barely have time to catch my breath before she's shoving an outfit into my arms and rattling my ear off about the different choices she made, and why, and color schemes, and something about comfort of her victims, er, models.
As she rattles on, the blind panic I've been in (because Jacob brought up a good point- why would a girl like this agree to go on a date with me?!) melts away in the face of everything Alice.
I dutifully change into and out of three different outfits before Alice is satisfied with one, and then I'm relaxing against Alice's knees as she sits behind me on the bed gently trying to wrestle my hair into some sort of order she's satisfied with.
"Makeup?" Alice asks, and my nose automatically wrinkles at the idea.
"Um…" I hesitate, not wanting to disappoint her, but also daunted at the idea of having the caked feeling for hours on end.
"That's fine," Alice hums gently. "You really don't need it anyway." She releases my hair at last and brushes her hands along both of my shoulders as if absently straightening the way my shirt lays. My chest feels unbearably warm, and the feeling spreads up my neck and into my ears.
"I think you're just about ready now," Alice says, an unmistakably satisfied smile in her voice as she rises and offers me a hand up. I don't hesitate in accepting it.
"So, I'm fit to be seen with you in public?" I tease as she reaches for the jackets.
Her tongue clicks admonishingly at me. "You are already gorgeous, Bella, I just like making your clothes match. Thank you for humoring me." My cheeks immediately flood with heat once more, and her perpetual ability of giving me anxiety strikes. She helps me into a fluffy coat as I attempt to get rid of the sudden knot in my throat. "Now then, shall we go?" she asks, looping a white scarf around my neck several times.
Even with the cold weather, all the layers are enough to make me start to sweat under the heating. The discomfort is enough to get my legs working again as I lead the way out the door. "We're going to Port Angeles; don't wait up!" I call over my shoulder as we reach the door.
There is a moment of confusion as we both start in different directions.
"I'll drive," I say, opening the passenger door to my truck. Alice's nose wrinkles much like mine had at the mention of makeup (except I bet her expression is far cuter).
"That thing? Bella, I hate to break it to you- but that is not fit to be called a vehicle."
If it were anyone else at school, I might be embarrassed. Instead, I snort. "Careful, Al, you're spoiled rich girl is showing."
"I'm just saying," her feet remain planted halfway to her own shiny new car, "It looks one speed bump away from falling apart."
"This thing is a tank," I assure, slapping to hood to prove its sturdiness.
"Can it even reach 60? I bet it will take us forever to get anywhere," she continues arguing, but she's slowly drawing near. She looks completely offended at the existence of my beloved truck, but behind that mask is a spark of amusement.
"So, we get to talk more, and our date lasts longer," I shrug, grinning cheekily.
"But it's so ugly," she pouts, stopping just by the door.
"Hey! I love this hunk of junk," I defend.
She blinks big honey eyes up at me, shining in a pleading puppy dog way. "What if I let you drive my car?" she tries one last time.
"Get in the damn truck, Alice," I deadpan.
Alice laughs, voice so happy and full of delight as she climbs into the passenger seat without another second of hesitation.
With an exasperated huff, I shut the door and round to the other side of the car. As I walk, my face softens into something undeniably affectionate as I climb into the driver's seat.
Normally, I wouldn't care who drove, but at some point, between my room and outside, an idea had occurred to me. One I feel she would appreciate being surprised with. She seems to always be astonished with surprises, as if it's the feeling of shock itself that surprises her.
"So, what movie are we watching?" she asks as we pull out onto the highway. "A romance? Comedy? A romantic comedy?"
"Actually, with the speed of this truck, we're probably going to miss the start of our movie," I say, trying my best to keep a straight face, but the corner of my lips twitch wildly at the look I can see Alice shoot me from the corner of my eye. "Don't worry, we can go see a later one if you really want to."
"Is this how you treat all your first dates? Making them fear for their life in transit to the movie you're late for?"
"I wouldn't know," I shrug, feinting light heartedness through my nerves. "This is the first first date I've ever been on." At least, the first I remember ever being on. I suppose Before Bella could have gone on one before, but for some reason I doubt it.
"Oh," Alice says, surprise coloring her tone and I can feel her gaze boring into the side of my face. It suddenly smooths out into something a lot lighter. "Well, then, I suddenly feel a lot more special."
"You should," I say, trying to shake off the discomfort. "I don't let just anyone ride in my beloved truck."
"You know, Rosalie would love to take apart and put back its insides."
"I already have a mechanic," I wave her off.
"You need a new mechanic. Have you heard the engine?"
"Monster's growl is just a part of his character," I shrug, unconcerned.
"Really? You named your truck?" Alice sighs so morosely I can't help cracking another grin. I seem to always be smiling around this girl. "At least it fits."
The drive doesn't feel near as long as it actually is before I'm pulling into a parking lot. Alice almost seems to startle when I park, and she quickly glances around as if just remembering we had a destination at all. A small frown immediately tugs her lips down in confusion.
"Where are we?" she asks.
I climb out without answering, opening her door with an expectant smile. "I hope you don't mind me changing our plans. I just thought you might find this more fun."
Alice quickly climbs out for a better look, and I watch as her entire face lights up as she catches a clear sight of the outdoor ice-skating rink.
Even though it's only just past six, its dark enough already that the string of Christmas lights crossing the rink are lit and twinkle in the twilight. With Christmas just past, there are a lot of people skating around the rink, but not near as many as I was expecting.
"If you'd rather, we can go catch that movie," I offer, but I already know the answer. I can see the excitement in her eyes as they trace over the festive decorations.
"It seems you're not as bad at this dating thing as I thought," Alice says, looking up at me through her dark lashes and warm scarf. I'm already feeling thankful for the warm bundle she stuffed me into. Winter really is cold here.
Hesitantly, I take her hand (already chilled from the night air) and drag her to the rental desk where I quickly pay for the both of us.
As I climb to my feet on the thin blades, it occurs to me that there is something I significantly overlooked in my plans. Alice laughs as I wobble precariously, throwing my arms out to the sides to regain a semblance of balance.
She catches one of my hands, easily steadying me even as she maneuvers on her own blades.
"Thanks," I breathe. She smiles amusedly as we shuffle the short distance from the bench to the opening of the ice. Stepping onto the ice itself is so much worse than just trying to balance on my blades. I clutch the low rail of the rink in a death grip as Alice glides onto the ice like a snow fairy.
"Maybe we should just go to that movie after all," I say as I try to still my shaking knees.
Alice laughs. "Come on, Bella, you have this." She says encouragingly.
Resigning myself to falling a lot tonight, I let go of the wall and shuffle forward awkwardly, trying to get a feel for the skates.
"Is this your first-time ice skating, too?" she asks as we make the first shaky lap.
"I lived in Phoenix," I huff. "I doubt there were many opportunities."
Alice reaches out to catch my hand as I wobble again, but this time, she doesn't let go when I've steadied myself. My attention darts entirely to my companion as she laces our fingers and that one moment of inattention is enough for my feet to slip out from underneath me.
No amount of grace on ice could have prevented Alice from getting yanked down with me. My skates slide into hers, harshly kicking her feet out from underneath her and as I try to brace backward, our hopelessly tangles fingers tug her forward. I hit the ice hard, almost simultaneously as Alice collapses down on top of me.
"Sorry," I laugh, literally breathless, but it quickly turns into a pained groan. As I stare up into molten eyes, my breath puffs out in a cloud of steam that immediately makes me self-conscious.
Alice slowly sits back on her heels with amusement dancing in her eyes. "Are you okay?" she asks.
"I forgot how clumsy I tend to be," I sigh wryly as I push myself into a sitting position.
"It's a good thing I find you cute, then," she says, pulling me to my feet with an ease that seems impossible for her small frame. Heat floods into my wind chilled cheeks, and I tug my scarf up over my nose in a failed attempt to disguise it.
As the evening fades completely into night's darkness, the Christmas lights above only get more enchanting. I stare at them a lot to keep my eyes from straying to my date a little too often, but it really is a losing battle, especially when I'm proficient enough at skating to not have to stare at my feet the entire time.
"So, does your family know you're on a date with me?" I ask curiously.
"Does yours?" she immediately shoots back, a playful smile curving her lips.
"Jake does, but I didn't exactly… tell Charlie," I admit smiling wryly. "He'll still probably tease me about it when I get back anyway, so really I'd only be giving him more ammo if I did."
Alice laughs, swaying more dramatically with her next slide and bumping up against me gently.
"Well, yes, my family knows I'm on a date with you. We have no secrets with each other," she sighs almost wistfully.
"You seem very close," I comment.
"Yeah," she admits. "Yeah, no, a few of them get on my nerves a lot of the time, but I can't imagine a world without them in it, and I know it's the same for them. Are you close to your family?"
"Not with Rene, but I feel pretty close to Charlie," I sigh gustily, steady enough on my feet to tilt my head back and stare up at the stars. It's a strangely clear night which I'm only thankful for. "Charlie's a really great dad. I don't know what I'd do or where I'd be right now without him. Probably locked up in an asylum somewhere," I say quietly. I talk to Rene every week on the phone, and more and more she talks about different doctors, different treatments, asking if I've made any progress with my memories. If I were living with her, I'm sure I'd go mad. Madder than I already am with all these weird dreams, but she'd probably commit me under the pretense of them being able to help me with my memories. God, thank you for Charlie.
"But you call him by his name?" she asks softly, probably sensing my darkening mood.
"Just habit, I guess," I shrug uncomfortably. It is true though. At first, I just wasn't comfortable calling a stranger mom or dad, but now that I do see him as my dad… it seems like it would be this huge thing if I suddenly started calling him that.
"And Jacob is like my brother," I force more energy into my voice, turning it to a safer topic. "Which would make Billy like my second Dad I guess? Which is… kind of weird to think about, but now that I am, I kind of ship it. And I also kind of want to bleach my brain."
Alice laughs so hard she has to momentarily stop moving forward, and for the first time tonight, I'm the one keeping her from sprawling to the ice.
"So, when do I get to meet the rest of your family?" she asks with mirth unmistakably brightening her entire face.
"Uh, whenever you want, I guess. I go to the res right after school most days so you can come with me whenever you're free… or… not," I say, slowing as her expression suddenly drops.
"The Quileute Reservation?" She asks, and her expression is suddenly made of stone- impossible for me to read.
"Yeah," I say slowly, unsure what to make of her new countenance. She doesn't seem like the kind of person that would be prejudiced against that kind of thing. "Is that a problem?"
"No, it's just," she bites her lip, looking conflicted. "Well, honestly, yes. I'm… not allowed on that land. If Jacob ever comes to your house, though, or you guys want to do something in town, I really would love to meet him."
"Why aren't you allowed on the res?" I ask, completely baffled. Outsiders go all the time and, while not necessarily welcome with open arms, they aren't turned away.
"I can't really talk about it," Alice says, face melting into something distinctly uncomfortable, so I let it go for now as we continue our laps around the ice rink. By now, it's late enough that most of the families have taken their children home to bed. Only a few couples remain, and a group of rowdy teens, but they all mostly stay to themselves.
"Alright, well, just know that, when you meet Jake, you have to ignore everything that comes out of his mouth."
"Will he try to embarrass you?" she teases.
"No doubt," I huff fondly, before startling when Alice suddenly tugs on my hand, making me slip. Only, I don't hit the ice. She pushes me up against the wall, which is only about waist height, and I have to release her hand to catch myself on the rail.
I hold my breath as she easily glides into my space, keeping my feet from sliding by pinning her toes against mine.
"I like it when you get embarrassed," she whispers, bracing her hands over mine on the rail. "You get all red in the face."
That red she's talking about immediately explodes across my cheeks and down my neck, and it's very hard to keep eye contact with her standing so close. So, my gaze slips down to her cute button nose, then lower to her pink lips which slowly seem to be drifting closer.
"Just like that," she murmurs, tilting her head slightly. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I find it odd that a cloud of steam rises through the air with each of my exhales, but I can't see her breath at all.
Then I have no thoughts at all when her face comes so close, I have to close my eyes or go cross eyed when her lips brush experimentally over mine. They are like two little icicles, but I can't help chasing them, sure that I can warm them up.
She draws away before I get the chance, and I blink up into a smoldering topaz gaze.
"Well," she says softly after a moment. "I think I'd like to do this again some time."
My vocal cords feel constricted, so all I can do in response is idiotically bob my head. She smiles slowly, gently, before shuffling a step back. My skates immediately start to slip, which is what it takes for my brain to jumpstart itself as I scramble for my balance.
That red Alice claims to be so fond of, has no chance of leaving my face the rest of the night. Whenever I do feel like I'm finally calming down again, all it takes is a glance toward the pretty girl for my face to get as inflamed as it was when she first pinned me against that wall.
As we skate, I wonder if she knows just how much she affects me. By the smirk on her perfect lips, I can only conclude that she does.
A/N: First date! What do you think? I'm super bad at coming up with conversation but I think this turned out okay. On another note, I believe there will be some time skips next chapter.
Please review!
~Silver~