Disclaimer: I do not own the Fate franchise it belongs to Kinoko Nasu and Type-Moon.
Snow White and Her Children
Prologue
"Hey, Rin?" one blonde teenager asked.
"Yes, Sakura?" her mirror image asked back.
"Do you have a marker pen?" Sakura Tohsaka asked.
"I don't know, do you?" Rin Tohsaka asked back.
Sakura raised a marker pen into the air, all too innocently one might even say. "I do." She said. "Do you?"
"As a matter of fact," Rin replied, also raising a marker pen in a similarly all too innocent fashion. "I also do."
"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Sakura asked.
"Why yes, I think I am." Rin agreed.
Then both of Tohsaka's Golden Twins leaned down, to where Shirou Emiya was sleeping soundly on the storehouse floor. Caps popped off the pens, and then they were drawing away on the sleeping young man's face. A monocle, a handlebar moustache, whiskers, dimple marks, a goatee, and finally a unibrow appeared one after another on his face.
Then the twins stood up, put their pens away, and shook hands in recognition of a job well done. "On three?" Rin asked.
"On three." Sakura said. The twins then looked back to the slumbering Shirou, and in unison, took a deep breath.
"One, two, three," they softly counted, before finishing with a shout. "WAKE UP, HERO!"
Shirou woke with a yell, squirming around on the ground before scrambling to his feet. "I'm up! I'm up! I'm up!" he yelled, still half-asleep. "Who's the hero? I'm the hero? I'm the hero. I…you two…"
Rin and Sakura both clicked their heels together, and threw mocking fascist salutes in his direction. "Good morning," they cheerfully chorused. "Mister Hero!"
Shirou sighed, running a hand over his forehead (and remaining blissfully unaware of his vandalized face). "Oh right, your mom left on a trip yesterday, didn't she?" he asked.
"What's wrong, Shirou?" Rin began, as she and Sakura glided over to stand to either side of Shirou, each latching onto one of his arms.
"You don't like us coming over to make breakfast like this?" Sakura followed-through, looking up at Shirou with a heartbroken look on her face. On his other arm, Rin did the same. It was…devastating.
"No…it's not like that…I mean…" Shirou stammered out, before letting out a breath in defeat. "You two are just too energetic in the morning. I can barely keep up."
"Then," Rin began. "Should we give you the time to catch up then?"
"I think we can spare the time." Sakura said. "We still have to cook breakfast, after all, and Shirou here still has to take a bath."
"Quickly though, before Fujimura-sensei arrives." Rin pointed out while stepping away and in front of Shirou.
"True, true," Sakura agreed while doing likewise. "If she finds out Shirou spent the night here, she'll get mad."
"Understandable, but…"
"…we can't let that happen."
"Otherwise Shirou will get down."
"And that's not good at all."
The twins then turned to face Shirou with matching smiles and gestures towards him. "Right, Shirou?" they chorused.
Shirou sighed, and gave them a weak smile. "Yeah, that's not good at all." He said. "You should start the day with a smile and a good attitude, otherwise you won't get anything done at all. Alright…you two go prepare breakfast, while I go wash up."
"OKAY!" the twins chorused before prancing off. Left alone to his own devices, Shirou sighed again before looking around him. Taking a few moments to arrange his things, having been left lying around after he'd fallen asleep tinkering with them during the previous night, Shirou then left the storeroom to take a shower.
Meanwhile, the twins were in the kitchen, busy preparing breakfast. Despite that, both kept their ears sharp for the inevitable reaction. And when it came, a yell of shocked and outraged surprise from the showers, Rin and Sakura bumped fists against each other with a grin.
He's definitely awake now.
"Your mother went on a trip again?" Taiga Fujimura asked.
"Yes." The twins chorused from the other side of the table.
"Where to this time?" Taiga asked.
"More of the usual," Rin began.
"London, in the United Kingdom." Sakura continued.
"People to see," Rin carried on.
"Business to do." Sakura finished.
The twins shrugged in unison, and Taiga sighed. She didn't know if it was deliberate or not, but either way, the twins seemingly able to do things as though they were one mind in two bodies (up to and including finishing each other's sentences at times) was…disturbing, at worst. At best, it made dealing with them a pain at times, and always made it hard to read them.
That said, the twins were capable of being straightforward when they needed to be.
Speaking of being straightforward…
"SHIROU!" Taiga yelled at the top of her lungs. "YOU'RE SO SLOW! THE FOOD'S GETTING COLD!"
"Not really sure that's going to help." Rin observed.
"It does help when mother yells like that at us." Sakura countered.
"Yes, but that's mother." Rin pointed out. "Fujimura-sensei isn't Shirou's mother. No offense…"
"None taken." Taiga said with a sigh.
"Shirou should be finishing up by now." Sakura said while glancing at a nearby clock. Turning to the rice cooker next to her, she popped it open before taking the ladle with one hand. And with her free hand, gestured for Taiga to hand over her rice bowl. "We might as well eat ahead of him before the food gets cold."
"Well, it's his fault if all he gets are cold scraps and leftovers." Taiga said with a sniff, and handing over her rice bowl.
"I'm sure it won't come to that." Rin said, and handing Sakura her bowl after she'd given Taiga's bowl back.
"It won't." Shirou said while sliding the doors open and stepping into the living/dining room.
"See?" the twins chorused at Taiga, who was already busy stuffing herself. "Plenty of hot food left. Right, Shirou?"
"It sure looks that way." Shirou agreed while taking his place at the head of the table, and taking his rice bowl, handed it to Sakura.
"So why'd your mom go to the Clock Tower this time?" Shirou asked the twins as they washed up after breakfast. As usual, Taiga had bailed out immediately after eating, and left them to clean up on their own. Rin scrubbed and washed, Sakura rinsed and wiped, while Shirou put them away.
At Shirou's question, the twins looked at each other, a serious expression on their faces. "Not here," Rin finally said, and Sakura nodded.
"Not now," she added.
"We do not know who might be listening." They chorused.
Shirou raised an eyebrow. "Didn't you two reinforce the bounded fields around my house a couple of years ago?" he asked.
"Yes, we did." Rin confirmed.
"Except that…you know…" Sakura added.
"Your family's only been here for less than a generation." Rin continued.
"While other families," Sakura moved on.
"Like ours and one other," Rin picked up the baton.
"Even mom's nemesis," Sakura carried on.
"Have lived here for generations." They finished in unison. "And you know how that affects territorial magic, right?"
"Yeah, I do." Shirou said, before blinking in realization. "Wait, does that mean…?"
"What?" the twins chorused.
"…fine, I'll pass by your house after school then." Shirou said with a sigh of exasperation, and the twins grinned.
"Now that's more like it." They chorused again, and Shirou gave another sigh.
"Anyway," he continued with a cough. "Thanks for covering for me again this morning. I know, I know, you say it's only expected of you, but still. Thanks."
The twins beamed at him. "You're welcome, Shirou!" they chorused happily, and Shirou couldn't help but smile. If nothing else, moments like this were more than worth all the exasperation that came with the twins hanging around him.
"Let me guess," Ayako Mitsuzuri began while leaning down to Shirou's level. "Missus Tohsaka left town again, which is why you arrived at school with the twins this morning."
"Well, good morning to you too, Mitsuzuri." Shirou cheerfully said, even as he finished setting up what he needed for morning classes under his desk.
"Hmm…good morning…" Ayako said. "And good luck. You know how Ryuudo and Matou can be when the twins hover even closer around you."
Shirou sighed in exasperation. "Just what do they exactly expect me to do about it?" he asked rhetorically. "It's not like I can tell the twins to go away. First of all, that's rude. Second, it's not like they're causing me trouble, nor is there anything inappropriate between us."
"I'd be surprised if there were." Ayako said, before winking and throwing Shirou a thumbs-up. "That, and give your props for it."
"What?"
"You know Missus Tohsaka." Ayako said. "If she finds out there's anything inappropriate between you and her girls, she'd have you swimming with the fishes."
Shirou sighed. "Aunt Valkolumi isn't like that." He said. "I mean…sure, she gives off this cold and threatening vibe, but she's actually quite nice. Well, she's always been nice to me, and she warms up around Fuji-nee and Old Man Raiga the few times I've known them to meet."
Ayako hummed curiously at that. "Well, I'll take your word for it." She said. "Still, just watch your back. Ryuudo's probably only going to be an annoyance but Matou…"
Shirou winced as Ayako trailed off. "Yeah, I get what you mean." He said. "I'll see what I can do…and besides, you can talk. I'm pretty sure the past few times the twins ended up going physical on Shinji you were there with them…AGH!"
"Yeah…about that…" Ayako said with a cough, and letting go of Shirou's ear. "…none of your business…"
"Yeah, yeah…" Shirou grumbled before smiling at Ayako as the warning bell for first period sounded. "See you around, Mitsuzuri."
"Likewise, Emiya." Ayako said with a wave, before walking out of the classroom. All around Shirou, the rest of the class were busy settling down and getting ready for first period, with a few stragglers hurrying through the doors and to their seats. Shinji Matou was among the last, looking miffed at having to hurry, barely getting to his seat before the bell rang and the teacher entered the classroom.
"Rise." The classroom monitor said, and the class rose to their feet. "Bow."
"Hey, hey, did you hear?"
"No, I didn't. What happened?"
The twins were lying on the floor of the school rooftop, waiting for Shirou to arrive and join them for lunch. They lay opposite each other, their heads touching by their crowns, eyes staring up at the cloud-dotted sky.
"Satomi-chan's started going out with Matou."
"It's not going to end well."
"It never ends well."
"Should we talk to her?"
"We could, but it's never worked before."
"Yeah, they just say we're jealous."
"But when it all ends in tears and heartbreak…"
"…they always come running to us."
The twins sighed in unison. "Why are all our female schoolmates such idiots?" one of them lamented.
"Not all," the other twin said. "Ayako's pretty smart, and so are Yukika, Kane, and Kaede."
"That's a good point…why are the rest so stupid though?"
"Matou has a lot of money."
"So do we, but boys don't flock to us the way most other girls our age flock to Matou."
"Matou doesn't have mother for a relative."
"Oh now that's just mean. You can't describe mother like she's a repellant of some kind."
"Yeah, that wasn't nice. Still something to be thankful for though. I'd really rather not have to fend off some idiot trying to get into my skirt and wallet."
"Yeah right."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"If it comes to that, you'd just pile drive them into the ground."
"And you're one to talk? You'd kick them in the chin and send them straight to the dreamlands."
"I won't deny it. Would you?"
"No."
The twins giggled at that, and then turned their heads in unison to the door as it banged open. "Oh you're here." Shirou said as he stepped onto the roof. "Sorry about that, but my hands are full…"
"Shirou…!" the twins chorused, getting to their feet and rushing to Shirou.
"Oh it's no trouble at all!" one of them said.
"Yeah, the important part is that you're here." The other said.
Then taking him by the arms, all but dragged him to their usual spot. It was time to eat, after all.
Just another day in the life of Shirou Emiya and the Golden Twins.
A/N
Something a bit more lighthearted, in the spirit of Lent. Ironic, considering Lent isn't supposed to be particularly festive…
…anyway, major changes: Rin and Sakura are now twins. They're also blonde, like Luvia. And they're both packing Fs (while that's not really any different from canon in Sakura's case, Rin should be thankful that she's no longer just an A). They also have a different mother, as mentioned in the chapter (and which is the primary point of divergence).
But wait, whatever happened to Aoi? Kariya…? The Holy Grail War? Will there even be a Grail War? Well, you'll see eventually.