Navy Blue

Anastasia and Christian meet each other when they're 18 with different dreams. Hers is to be a singer and his is to be the corporate mogul we know and love. What happens when an evil and manipulative Elena gets in their way and deludes them that it'll never work out?

Chapter 11: Camouflage

And all these memories seem so old

To think you were my everything.

Anastasia's POV

I feel so disoriented. I click the lock of my apart door closed, and all the emotions from tonight start bubbling up and I'm overwhelmed. I left Christian, who was rather reluctant leaving me alone in my messed up state. However, I feel like I truly need distance to think and get my head together.

I don't know what to do.

I feel so sad.

The grief I'm showing feels like I'm mourning what could have been with Christian and I. All of this could have been avoided- if he just didn't..

There's no point thinking about it anymore. My subconscious chides.

I shake my head.

The eerie quietness of my apartment as well as my predicament flashes me back to that first night after we broke up. I shudder at the thought and quickly decide I don't want to stay here alone for the duration of my sadness. It would just send me further down into a spiral.

Without thinking, I rush into my room in order to retrieve my laptop and book a return ticket to Louisiana.

After Ray and my mother divorced, Ray couldn't stand to live in that house by himself anymore, especially when I moved away for university. When José Sr. had said that he and his family were moving to Louisiana, my dad jumped at the opportunity to come with. He now lives by himself in a beautiful house near a lake which he and José Sr. fish in a couple times a month.

I pack a bag and send him a text to let him know that I'm coming and staying for a few days. I also send a text message to Kate saying that I'm incommunicado for a few days, nothing major, so that she won't freak out. After that, I quickly call a cab company and head towards the airport. I'm hoping the humid air of Louisiana and sweet tea will help take my mind off things.

The cab ride to the airport doesn't take long and before I know it, I land a couple hours later and take another cab to the address of my dad's place. It's a two storey quaint little house with hanging ferns on the windows. I can feel the cold breeze from the nearby lake giving ease off the warm sticky air.

I tip the cabbie a twenty dollar bill which he grins and salutes me for, before helping me with my bags. I knock once, then twice until the door opens and instead of Ray as I'd hoped, I'm faced with a middle aged woman. She's wearing a nightgown under a robe and is a little bleary eyed from my obvious intrusion of her sleep. I must've remembered the address wrong.

"I'm really sorry." I apologise. "I-I got the wrong house."

God, I feel bad. I just woke this woman up for nothing and now I have to go phone Ray. This is a disaster. Maybe I should've stayed home but even I know, remembering the silence in my apartment, that it wasn't an option.

"Who're you looking for, honey?" Her southern accent coming through thicker with sleep. She's quite beautiful with shoulder length dark hair and warm brown eyes.

"Umm.. Raymond Steele. He lives in this neighbourhood." I rattle off. "It's okay. I'll just call him."

"No, no, no." She waves with both hands, insistent. "You've got the right house, dear."

She's all of a sudden sheepish. She straightens up and smooths her dark hair down as if she's embarrassed. She wraps her night gown around her, keeping it tightly closed. I tilt my head to the side. I've got the right house?

"I'm Josephine." She introduces herself. "And you must be Anastasia."

"Yes." I murmur. I don't exactly know what's going on. I'm irate from lack of sleep and this lady is making introductions at 3am. Given that I'm the one who woke her but this is getting strange. Before I can dwell on it longer, I hear a familiar voice coming from inside the house.

"Josie?"

Josie? I crinkle my nose.

My dad comes out to check what's going on. The second he sees me, he's like a deer in headlights. I raise my eyebrows at him. There's something clearly going on here between him and 'Josie' and it clearly isn't Bible study.

"Annie?"

"Hey Dad." I awkwardly wave. I shuffle from foot to foot, grasping the strap of my bag.

"What're you doing here, sweet pea?" He rubs the back of his neck. He looks embarrassed, like a kid caught with his hand in a cookie jar.

Josephine takes the hint and quietly goes back inside, leaving the awkwardness to the both of us. I stare at my dad. He looks brighter than I last saw him, although his hair has accumulated more grey hairs and his laugh lines are just a tad bit deeper. He looks happy.

"Well, if you checked your phone, I messaged that I was coming to visit." I mutter. "Is that still okay?"

I didn't expect him to have company. A woman, at that. I've never seen Ray with another woman before, besides my mother and to be Frank, I thought I never would. However, coming here to see him when he's obviously with someone is mortifying. This is so awkward.

"Yeah, of course, Annie." He says. He comes up to hug me and I instantly feel soothed. "Nothing like a good visit from my favourite daughter."

His signature woodsy scent and fatherly presence does wonders to my soul. It feels like home. I'm such a daddy's girl, I muse as I hug him back just as tightly.

"Your only daughter." I say, haughtily.

The moment is broken when I spy Josephine at the threshold over Ray's shoulder. I'm now unsure if going to Louisiana was a such a good idea. I've came here to distract myself from my tumultuous love life (or lack thereof) and now I'm forced to watch Ray's- clearly- blossoming relationship with this Josephine woman.

Maybe I should stay in a hotel.

"Get settled in here, sweet pea." Before I can entertain that thought, Ray takes and lugs my bag inside. I follow his stride and he leads me to a guest room on the ground floor. "We'll see you for breakfast tomorrow and you can tell me everything that's troubling you."

"How do you know there's something troubling me?" I raise my eyebrow.

"Honey, it's 3am and you've just took a 5 hour flight to New Orleans." He points out.

Okay, he's got me on that one. I sigh in defeat as he smoothes the wrinkles above my brow. Hmm, maybe I'm too emotional. I suddenly feel embarrassed about my impromptu trip to Ray's.

"Get some sleep." He kisses my forehead. "Pancakes and bacon tomorrow."

I smile back at him as closes the door on his way out.

"So your dad lives in New Orleans now?" He asks me, lying down in bed.

"Uh huh." I sigh. "I guess he just couldn't deal living in that house anymore."

I do admit that it shocked me when Ray made the decision to move across the country along with the Rodriguez's. However, when I visited him, the house seemed a bit sadder, a bit lonelier than the last time I saw him. It wasn't a good atmosphere to be in. I'm glad Dad made the decision to move on.

"So where's your mom?"

I cringe at the question. Carla's the more distant albeit more talkative parent. Her escapades have been well and truly laid out over the few phone calls she's shared with me.

"Carla left for the East coast. Last time she called, she was in Maine." I shrugged.

"I see." He muses. I look up at him but the dark of the night makes his expression unreadable so I settle back down onto his chest.

"What about you?" I ask.

"My parents and Elliot live in Seattle. Mia is in Paris studying culinary." He rattles off. His hand continues to make soothing patterns down my spine.

"Oh Paris!" I gush. "How wonderful!"

"I'll take you there sometime." He muses. "You and the Seine in the summer. There'd be no sight like it."

I snuggle into him further. Paris. A future with Christian. I sigh in deep content.

It's true.

There'd be nothing like it.

Waking up from grey eyes and past memories to the sunlight on my face, I have a momentary panic as I wake up in a strange bed. I then remember my impromptu trip to Ray's to escape the now stifling atmosphere of Seattle.

And Christian.

Oh God, Christian.

The epitome of all of my stress in the past few weeks. I honestly don't know what to do with myself. I mean, I'd be a fool to say that I haven't spent the last three years thinking about him in some form of way. He's embedded himself into me, like a permanent fixture in my mind.

I was content with having him floating around in my head in the shape of fragmented memories but now he's actually here, in person and tangible. I don't know if it's the lack of closure that's making me erratic and clinging onto the hopes of reconciliation or if it's my actual feelings towards him.

A knock on my door startles me.

"Yes?"

"It's Josephine." I hear. "I just wanted to tell you that breakfast is ready."

"I'll be down in a minute." I start to get out of bed, ruffling my messy hair.

When I hear her footsteps recede, I yell, "Thank you!" as an afterthought.

I honestly have no clue what to think of Ray's newfound relationship. Is it newfound or has he just not had the chance to tell me? Did he think I'd be mad? To be honest, I'm quite happy for Ray. He deserves to find love again after the tumultuous relationship he shared with my mother. I'm also glad he's got someone to look after him.

I get dressed for the day in a loose peasant shirt, and some denim shorts. I head downstairs to greet Ray with a newspaper in his hand, half eaten eggs and bacon on his plate and Josephine.

"Good morning." I greet.

They greet me back with equal smiles but the second I sit down, Ray is all business.

"Annie, this is Josephine." He clears his throat. "We've been seeing each other for the past couple of months. I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to tell you, sweet pea."

"That's alright, Dad." I smile. "I'm glad you have someone who looks after you, especially since I'm so far away."

Josephine sits down on the other side of Ray, in front of me. "I'd hoped we'd meet under better circumstances than last night, Anastasia."

"Oh no!" I wave her concerns away. "Don't worry about it. It was me who dropped by with only a couple hours of warning. Besides, we're meeting now."

"We thought we'd show you around New Orleans. Show you all the attractions, food, listen to jazz music." Ray suggests.

"That would be great." I agree. A distraction is what I sorely need right now.

After a hearty breakfast, we all travel to the main town in Ray's car. I watch their relationship from the backseat and I find it quite cute. Josephine is a school teacher in her late 40's who had gotten divorced just a few years prior. Their shared pasts were what connected them together, I heard. I think they'd be good for each other in that way.

Because from past experiences, they'd already know what they want from each other.

A couple of fans come up to me, some old and some young. Ray only smiles and shakes his head, muttering about how his little girl is a superstar. Josephine isn't quite as well with the times and didn't know I was remotely known until we were swarmed in the central mall.

We went back to Ray's after that.

Josephine is cooking dinner in the kitchen. I offered to help but she told me diligently to go speak with Ray. After all, it was why I came here anyway. I find him sitting outside on the swinging bench. The wisterias are swaying in the slight breeze and it's just before sundown. The light from the day is still here, making the scenery quite beautiful.

"Now, Annie, I know you didn't come here just to spend some quality time with your old man." He chews at the end of his cigar stick.

"Hey! I love spending time with you." He raises his eyebrow. "But alas! You know me too well." I sigh dramatically.

"Always have, sweet pea." He pats the space beside him. "Tell me what's going on."

I plop down on the seat beside him. I do admit I'm a bit reluctant to just spill everything to Ray. It is kind of an uncomfortable topic- talking about your ex with your dad.

"Do you remember that guy I dated? While I was in college?" I question.

"Yeah. Albeit, fuzzily." He recollects. "Is he back?"

"Trying to." I admit. "I don't know how I feel about it."

"What do you mean?" He asks.

I start to scrape the white peeling paint off the swinging bench. Ray's patient and lets me get on with my words in my own time. The crickets are starting to get louder as the breeze quietens down.

"Well, we didn't end in the" I contemplate. "...best way."

"He cheat?" He growls.

"No!" I shut him down. "No!"

He visibly calms down and relaxes back in his spot. His forehead wrinkled in worry.

"Some things were said and..." I shake my head. "I don't know, Dad. I just feel like he's hiding something."

"Why do you think that?"

"I mean, three years of no contact, he's the one who broke it off and now suddenly he pops out of nowhere wanting everything back again?" I continue.

"It's a tricky situation to manoeuvre, sweetheart." He admits. "I'm not a fan of anyone who breaks your heart, you know that. Hell, every girl with a father knows that."

"So what should I do?" I plead.

"I can't tell you what to do, honey." He laughs. "I mean, to be honest with you, this seems more like girl talk than anything else. Have you told Kate yet?"

"Kate's got a new flavour." I let him know. "She's a bit occupied."

"Ah." He nods, completely understanding Kate and her overly romantic ideals about life.

"If you think he's hiding something, you just need to ask him outright. Maybe he had his reasons for leaving like he did, or maybe not. I know it more than anyone, sweet pea. Sometimes people just grow apart."

My heart pangs for Ray and my mom's lost relationship. I know what he's talking about, I witnessed it in my own childhood home. However, I can't help the denial that comes from my chest because more than anything Christian and I weren't growing apart, if anything we were growing together.

It's not just about you, you know. My subconscious looks at me sadly. Maybe, he just didn't feel the same.

"If he says he isn't, and you want to be with this boy then it takes a lot of trust and strength to say 'okay' and take his word for it."

There's that word again.

Trust.

Something we don't have anymore.

Can we really do this again? Can I really put myself through this again? I don't know how I'll survive it if the outcome is the same. It took me years to get over us.

To be honest. My subconscious wags her finger. You never got over it in the first place.

Josephine comes out to sit with us. I don't really mind having her here, listening to my disaster of a life. If anything, her experience with her old marriage could even end up helping me. I watch her place her hands on Ray's shoulders as she listens to our conversation.

"Has there been another since .." Josephine asks.

"No." I reply.

How could there be?

There's only ever been him from the start.

"Trust is the main problem." Josephine hits it on the head. "You can't be in a relationship with a man you don't trust and all relationships require a certain amount of trust to begin with."

"It's been three years." I shake my head. "We're not the same people anymore. What if another thing happens and my heart gets broken again?"

"I think you could be holding on too strong to the past." Ray says. "Things won't always turn out the same as they were. It could be better. It's been three years, you've said yourself that people change. While I don't like him hurting my daughter, three years is a long time to spend thinking about a person."

Tell me about it. My subconscious rolls her eyes.

"What do you want to do?" Josephine asks after a long minute. "Truly. In your heart, what do you want to do."

Hold onto him, and never let go.

The clarity hits, almost overwhelmingly. I tear up at the thought.

"But just remember, Annie." Ray continues. "If you want to get back with the boy, you have to let go of everything that's been bothering you. 'Cause there's no point starting again if you ain't gonna start over. Otherwise, you two'll just end up back where you were."

I sit in silence, pondering on Ray's wisdom. Can I really do that? Can we really do that? It's a daunting step to take, for sure. Starting over.

"Most importantly," Ray quips. "You need to stop running."

"Huh?" My head snaps up to look at him.

"You run away from your problems as quick as lighting, Annie." He informs me gently. "It's not going to get you anywhere, no matter how far you go. They'll always be there at the end, waiting for you."

"I'm not running." I protest.

Ray's eyebrow raises at me. "Then why're you here?"

Josephine gets up using the pretence of checking on dinner. I watch her retreating back as she heads back into the house.

"I came here to see you." I counter Ray.

"No." He denies. "You came here to run and to avoid whatever it is you're feeling."

He's not wrong. My subconscious agrees.

I feel an overwhelming amount of shame. I tuck my knees into my chest and rest my chin against them. I feel like a little kid again, being scolded by a parent.

"You did it after your mother and I's divorce and you're doing it now." He lays into me.

My mind drifts off to the painful memory of witnessing Carla and Ray's divorce. How much I didn't want them to sign the papers and crawling into Christian's arms when I got home. I didn't want to stay and witness them acting like strangers to each other anymore.

"I had to go back to college." I stand my ground.

"Honey, you left at midnight." He counters. "You didn't even say goodbye."

I stay quiet. Stubborn.

"You gotta start feeling things, Annie. Even if you don't want to feel them." He leans back on the swing. "It's the toughest and the best thing you can do for yourself. It'll save yourself a lot of time in the long run."

Christian's POV

I haven't heard from Ana in nearly a week. Did I mess this up again? Does she not want to see me anymore? The way we parted that night wasn't very amicable. We still haven't fixed anything.

I know from Welch that she quickly took a flight to Louisiana after I dropped her off and that she came back a few days later. Is she running away? If she's running away now, what chance do I have when I tell her everything?

A buzz from my phone knocks me out of my thoughts. It's an unknown number.

AS: Hey. It's Ana. I'm not sure if this is still your number. I was wondering if we could talk later?

My heart leaps in my chest at her taking first initiative to contact me but it quickly sinks to the pit of my stomach. What if she's wanting to end things? I fumble with my phone as I think of a reply. This was the reason why I never changed my number, so that if she ever reached out at all- I'd come running.

CG: This is still my number, Ana. Of course. Where? When?

AS: Great. My apartment? Tonight at 6? I'll make the tea :).

Okay. The smiley face is a good sign. The invite to her apartment is a very good sign.

CG: Wouldn't miss it. :).

Work dragged on for what felt like years. I tell Taylor to drop by a well-known florists address, and I go in to pick up some flowers for Ana. On the way back to the car, I spy Taylor's undisguised grin taking over his features.

"Shut it, Taylor."

"Yes, sir."

The whole way there, my knee is bouncing against the seat. My hands start to feel clammy and I loosen and readjust my grip on the flowers in my hand. I haven't felt this nervous since .. ever. I grin despite the anxiety. Only Ana gets the best of me.

The car stops in front of her apartment building and I shake off the memory of our terrible last encounter. I buzz her number and head upstairs in the elevator when she lets me in.

"Hey." Ana greets me at the door.

She looks stunning, wearing a mint green sweater and black leggings. Her feet are bare and her hair is left down and wild. The sight of her makes my heart grow twice the size.

"Hi." I smile.

"Come in." She ushers me inside.

"These are for you." I hold out the bouquet of lilies I bought for her. I cringe as I see some bent stems from the way I was holding them in the car.

"Oh, thank you!" She accepts them, surprised. Nevertheless, she still smiles and hold them up to her face for a sniff. "You didn't have to."

"I wanted to." I smile. They're your favourite.

"They're my favourite." Ana echoes. "You remembered."

"Of course, baby." I wince as the pet name leaves my mouth. I don't want to fall over my feet even before the conversation has begun but all she does is smile and tell me that she's going to put the flowers in a vase.

I take a look around and the decor is all Ana. Her vision hasn't strayed at all. The same decor I've adorned Escala in looks like a much bigger blown up version of her apartment. The thought warms my heart. If she ever decides to move in with me, the apartment will already be to her liking.

Woah, Grey. I calm myself. She still hasn't said anything about where you two stand yet.

"I know I said I'll make the tea but..." She comes back with two wine glasses in her hand. White. I cock my head as she smiled shyly, handing it to me whilst keeping one for herself. She ushers me to sit down on the couch and she follows.

I take a sip. Saint Marguerite Pinot Grigio. She's remembered too.

"What's your favourite drink?" She grins.

She's got us playing this game which is supposed to help us get to know each other better.

"Alcoholic or non alcoholic?"I indulge her, as always.

"Hmm, both."

"Alcohol would probably be wine." I muse. "White. There's one I always buy at this shop around the corner. Very cheap but very good."

"Have to live off that student lifestyle." She giggles as she probably remembers my cabinets stocked with racks upon racks of ramen noodles.

"Not for long." I promise. "I'm going to give you the world, Anastasia."

"Umm.." she fidgets from side to side on her perch, looking to the floor. "This isn't going to be a light conversation."

"I don't mind." Anything to spend time with you. "What did you want to speak about?"

"I went to New Orleans to visit Ray." She starts. "He and consequently, I thought it'd be a good idea just to tell you what happened in the three years we were apart."

I take a deep breath. She's opening up. This is a good sign. However, I can't help but feel the ever growing pit of dread in my stomach.

Stop her. Tell her the truth first.

I open my mouth to speak, to do anything, but the words refuse to come out of my mouth. The despicable trade I'd done in the past threatening to already cause irreparable damage to Ana and I's currently non-existent relationship. I need to tell her the truth.

Say something! Tell her the truth!

"I would like to know, too." I agree.

Coward.

I look down in shame and guilt. I resolve to soothing myself, rationalising that I could make Ana fall in love with me all over again and those ugly truths wouldn't matter even if they did come to light. That's right. I'll make our love the greatest she's ever felt that those things won't matter to her.

I give her my full attention when I catch her fidgeting with her wine glass. I'm perhaps scared in what I'll learn from our time apart. But this isn't about me now. It's about Ana and her truth and her struggles.

So I need to be here.

For her.

"I- I started getting panic attacks when my visits to the studio became more frequent." She starts. "This was happening at a time where it was becoming evident that maybe I would make it into international fame as this new singing sensation."

She downs the rest of her wine in one go and refills. "There was a lot of talk about it around the offices. It started getting really bad that a psychiatric doctor diagnosed me with anxiety which spiralled me down into depression."

I take a sharp breath which causes her to snap her head to look at me. She gives me a sad smile which cracks my heart. I reach over to take her hand and to my surprise, she lets me. She wraps her fingers around mine and squeezes.

"Within two months, I was taking medication- which didn't work in my opinion- but it was the only option. The record company stated that I couldn't go to work if I didn't take them and I wasn't going to stop working. I had a dream, Christian. I wasn't going to lose it."

"I understand." I urge her to continue. However, on the inside I'm a bag of crushed bones. Depression? Anxiety? Medication? My Ana going through all of this? I stare at her with newfound awe as I wonder how she'd gotten to be so strong.

"Kate helped me through it a lot. And so did Ray." Her eyes well up but she wipes them away on her own.

"When I gained the popularity like they expected me to...," She shakes her head whilst looking down at her carpet. "I mean, I spent our entire relationship thinking I wasn't good enough for you. How could I be so blessed as to get this kind of recognition from millions of other people? I spent months and months just thinking that I don't deserve any of it. To be honest, I still don't think that I do."

I feel desolate. And angry. How could I have done this to her? My beautiful, sweet and talented Anastasia, spending all those years thinking she wasn't worthy because I had said she wasn't. Her self esteem had gotten her caught in a web and my words had spiralled her down further.

I was the person she loved the most. Of course my words would've affected her like that. I was a fool to think they wouldn't, that she would brush off my words at the end of the day, under the notion that they were the words of a spiteful ex.

I spent our entire relationship thinking I wasn't good enough for you.

Oh, baby. It's the other way around.

I should've been there for her. I never should've said what I said that night in my bedroom. I look at her face. She looks almost.. resigned to have these fears and insecurities. My beautiful girl resigning herself to feel unworthy of all of her success, of the fruits of her hard work.

I'm not having it.

"You deserve the world, Anastasia." I clench my hands into fists. "You deserve everything and more. I'm so sorry."

"Don't apologise." She shakes her head. "You've done enough of that these past few days. It not like I can get angry at you for ending our relationship, feelings change. It was just the way you ended it that stuck with me."

"No." I deny vehemently. "I never should've ended it in the first place. Ana, my feelings for you haven't changed. They way I feel for you now is still the same, if not more than three years ago."

"I'm apologising because I regret ending it, and because of the way I ended it. I'm apologising because I wasn't there to support you through all your hardships." I brush the tears away from her eyes. "I'm apologising because you deserved so much better and I'm apologising for even having the nerve to ask for a second chance."

"I'll make things right, Ana. Please believe me." I plead. "Even only for a second. I just want you to be able to see yourself from my eyes, because I think you're the best this world can give."

I let my words hang in the air and hopefully sink into the first layers of her armoured heart. I know what I want and it's her in my arms and having the privileged to call her mine. I want her to know that from the very start so that there is no confusion and no middle men to sift through.

"Before we get into anything serious." She broaches the subject. "I want us to be friends."

Friends?

This is not what I expected. The illusion of us mending our relationship straight away shatters before my eyes. I don't want to be just friends with the love of my life. What if I get perpetually stuck in the dreaded friend zone? What if she finds someone else? The trepidation must show on my face because she starts to placate me straight away.

"Christian, we need to get to know each other all over again." She explains. "I mean, it's been three years, how can we even be sure we're what the other needs?"

Baby, you're everything I need and more.

I understand her hesitance for a full relationship, but I've spent every waking moment thinking about her. I'm also pretty sure that I will continue to do so, for the rest of my life. Ana's it for me.

"You hold my whole heart in your hands, Ana." I let her know. "There's never going to be anyone else."

A few minutes of silence goes by after that. Surely, she knows the extent of my love towards her. I, for sure, now know the extent of my mistakes in the past. I'm overcome with gratitude that Ana has shared this with me. It creates a foundation of trust between us and an opportunity for me to create a more loving, welcoming environment for her, if ever she does come back to me.

I'm not an idiot. I know that some of Ana's ideals have changed over the years but I'm a big enough optimist to hope that I can fill the hole that she's missing.

"I still think it'd be a good idea." She argues meekly.

I look at her for a long moment. The physical embodiment of my heart sitting here in front of me in a sweater and leggings and she's never been more beautiful. I just know I'd do anything she'd ask of me.

"Okay." I relent.

"Okay?" She's so perplexed at my surrender that it nearly makes me chuckle.

"Yes." I nod. "If being friends first is what's going to start a mend in our relationship then yes, I'll agree to it."

She breathes a sigh of relief. It's clear to see that she thought I'd completely refuse her idea which I'm still fighting wars in my head about. However, I'm not completely done with this.. agreement.

"But the second you realise that we're meant to be together, I'm never letting you go." I promise. "Okay?"

She hesitates in responding and I'm left with holding my breath. She's the only thing in this world that brings out all of my emotions at once.

"Okay." She breathes.

"Then it would be my pleasure to be your friend, Ana." I beam at her. "I won't let you down."

As I promise her my devotion, visions of a hundred thousand dollar cheque and blonde hair passes through my head like a bad memory. I shake it off and focus on Ana as she pours me more wine. A stifling voice screeches in my ear.

You already have.

I am extremely sorry for the late uploads. There are a few people questioning if i can write out chapters in advance and whack it out so my updates can be a bit more timely. however, i simply do not have the time as I work full time and I like being in an emotive space when I write. I nearly had a nervous breakdown because I wrote this chapter up so quickly in my spare time that it didn't have that emotional quality that I was going for. I wanted to have a chapter out and ready for you guys but long story short, I think this chapter is shitty and you all deserve better.

I do appreciate all the people who have the patience to deal with a busy writer like me. Life is hard sometimes. Thank you for still sticking with me.

song list - Camouflage by Selena Gomez