Crying, it was an act that was done often by the half elf woman for many different reasons. Among those many reasons this was by far the worst.
Images flew through her mind, they were not her thoughts, but rather the thoughts of another, the thoughts of a witch.
Images of what could have happened had the man she currently sits atop, completely naked as her skin touches his, said three important, life changing words.
They were words she had longed for for many years, too many years, an unthinkable amount of time spent alone dreaming of those words being said to her, and yet in not a single one had she imagined of it to happen like this.
Tears stream down her face, soiling her features in sadness as the tear drops fall from her eyes, to her cheeks, then to her chin where they eventually fell, leaving them to fly through the air as her body to reflected off of them, with her beloved reflecting off the other side, as if they were two sides of a mirror destined to never meet truly, before they meet the end of their long trip by splashing into the warm water she sat in with the man she put before even the world itself.
The water was hot enough to bring copious amounts of steam forth and leave it so she couldn't see far ahead of her. Subaru was at the perfect distance to be seen, his worried frown and wide eyes facing her earnestly as his hands grip her shoulders while She stared at him through the tears, waiting for something, anything, to be said or done.
Subaru sat, looking perplexed at the woman he had so brazenly declared his love for time and time again. The woman he had planned to give himself to moments prior, his body unmoving and his mind racing to find the cause of her tears.
Her sudden shift in mood shocked the man, leaving him in a confused state as his normally scary and determined eyes gave way for a more worried and caring look as he gave her all the time she needed to calm down.
Satella's crying only got worse however as she looked at the boy's honest eyes. Noticing the woman's worsening state Subaru slowly and tentatively wrapped his arms around her and gently pressed her head to his bare chest.
Satella didn't respond, instead opting to allow him to press her forehead weakly against his well-toned chest, her hands limply at her sides showing just how upset she was.
Her hands drifted along in the water as Subaru hugged her limp and shaking form, her sobs filling his ears with a stream of heartbreaking cries as she wailed, her tears falling onto his bare chest as he stroked her naked back softly and lovingly, bringing her a feeling of unbelievable comfort and safety as her tears continued to fall rapidly.
Her weeping continued on as Subaru hugged her, a softness in his touch as he gently cradled her in her arms as his hand soothingly stroked her back as he remained completely silent, merely letting her whine and cry as her body shook with each heart wrenching sob.
Satella's crying only got louder and louder as Subaru clung to her small and shaky frame as she was too weak to do so herself, her arms still floating aimlessly in the hot bathwater.
Subaru felt awkward, unaware of why she had suddenly cried, the burst of seemingly out of place emotions leaving him dumbfounded as to what he should do as his arms remained protectively wrapped around his half elf beloved.
He was uncertain as to whether or not his embrace brought comfort to the weeping half elf, but she had made no effort to remove herself from him as her crying intensified. She rambled on and on about how she was sorry, and how she had slipped up and lost control of herself.
Subaru was unaware of what her ramblings meant but decided that silence wasn't the answer here. He stroked her back gently and with all of the care in the world, his desperate clinging to her shifting into a more caring and loving embrace as appose to his more protective and possessive embrace from moments earlier, and with the softest, most caring voice he could muster whispered gentle words into her ear in hopes of soothing her.
"Satella," he began, his voice being whispered so softly that it tickled the tip of her pointed ear, getting her attention as the air from his mouth made contact with her sensitive elf ear. She hadn't pulled away, instead snuggling further into him and letting her rambling stop as she held in her sobs, her body still shaking violently.
"I don't know what happened, but whatever it was, it's alright, you're safe here. Nothing bad happened and nothing bad will happen. I'm right here with you." The young knight soothed, his caring words doing well to ease the half elf's racing heart as her hands snaked their way around him, wrapping him in a cold and lonely embrace, the kind given by a person who needed help would give, the kind one would give when they're weakly returning the embrace of another, just as she was.
She crashed her head into her champions shoulder, shutting her eyes as tightly as possible and attempting to forcefully stop the tears from falling as their naked forms pressed against one another, no pleasure being present at the touch of his naked form, instead terror filled her mind.
Usually being naked and in the embrace of her beloved would be the most magical moment in Satella's life, however this time the lack of fabric between them made her shudder, the horror of what could have been flooded her mind.
This wasn't how this should have been. This wasn't what should of happened. This wasn't what she wanted. This wasn't what he deserved, he deserved a magical moment unforgettable and mind blowing. A moment that couldn't be described.
In these moments she continued to mutter sorry as if it were the only word she knew, the only word her vocal cords could string together between her heart wrenching sobs.
Subaru's mind flashed to another half elf with silver hair and gorgeous amethyst eyes, a different half elf, a woman he held near and dear to his heart, perhaps even more so than Satella herself.
Emilia. Her words of wisdom floated around in Subaru's head as Satella clung to him.
A million sorry's huh? I guess you were right, Emilia-Tan.
The nasty eyes of the black-haired knight shut gently as he took a deep breath to compose himself, his grip on Satella strengthening, becoming more self-assured and confident as he once more opened his nasty eyes to look at the half elf beauty from above, his eyes landing on the top of her shaking head.
Feeling compelled to do so, he kissed the top of her head to gain her attention. Satella looked up, her silver hair moving along her back as her neck angles upwards, the tip of her hair dancing along the surface of the water beautifully as her round amethyst eyes sparkle up at Subaru through the copious number of tears she had cried, her cheeks stained with the streaks of the salty eye liquid as it dripped onto Subaru's well-toned chest, leaving it with similar tear streaks to the ones on Satella's cheeks.
Subaru took a long look at her glassy eyes. He had heard all his life that the eyes were the windows to one's soul, and it had never appeared more true to him than in this moment.
Her eyes were panicked, patient and yet frantic, glassy. Like his next words could shatter what lay behind the beautiful eyes he had spent so long staring into mindlessly, eyes he loved getting lost in. vulnerable eyes.
Satella being vulnerable was nothing new to him, and he always had the feeling that what he said was majorly important, however he had never experienced this level of calm panic before.
He had one shot at this. Return by death isn't an option when speaking to Satella.
Honestly that was part of why he loved her so much, she felt real. She was the only person on earth capable of accepting all of Subaru, his flaws, his sins, his mistakes, and his weakness.
He could never take something back with her, everything he said, did, and thought mattered more to her than it did to anybody. If he truly hurt her, he would have to go further than just death to save her.
To fix her.
So, it was of utmost importance that he didn't shatter her, that he didn't take the metaphorical look in her eyes and shatter it.
"Someone I hold very dearly to me once told me that not even a million sorry's could compare to the weight of one single thank you. She was right." He said simply, his nasty eyes staring into her confused round ones as they desperately searched to find the secondhand wisdom in those words.
In her state of unending desperation Satella failed to recall why those words sounded like they were said from Subaru's memory instead of straight off the top of his head, nor did she recognize that they sounded like secondhand wisdom, instead choosing to stare Subaru in the eyes. Seeing the most earnest and caring look in his slightly widened eyes she couldn't help but try to blink away her tears, her face scrunching up in an unflattering way as she lifted her chin up and tried desperately to keep her tears at bay, more of her hair floating in the bathtub above Subaru's hips as she sat in his lap.
Their position would naturally be quite concerning for any on looker. A naked woman sat on a naked mans lap in the bathtub, their faces mere inches apart. However one look at their faces shatter this imagine into millions of pieces, destroying the foolish thought that this couple would do such things in this moment.
She had hurt Subaru, almost caused an event worse than death for her beloved. She let envy gain control and chain her down within the confines of her own mind as she desperately screamed out to help her beloved, to save him, just like he had four hundred years ago.
But instead of being his great hero, instead of being someone he could rely on, she was a burden. She had been saved by the man she loved, and while that on its own wasn't inherently bad, the fact that he has saved her so much with her doing so little, especially considering what he had saved her from, left her heart feeling heavy and as if it had been stabbed never to be healed again.
That would be the case if she was alone, nay, with anyone else. Instead, she was with her beloved Subaru, the only thing in the world she cares about, the only person she wants to see happy, the person she wants to make happy.
His strong arms lovingly wrapped around her small frame, despite their nakedness not at all done in a perverted sense, instead done protectively and lovingly as one hand stokes her back, weaving through her slick silver hair, a sensation she adored, while the other simply holds her close.
Despite how pathetically easy it would be, he makes absolutely no moves to do anything of a perverted nature. In fact, the thought didn't seem like it had even crossed his mind, which it hadn't obviously, instead she saw a knight worried for his princess. No. She saw a husband worried for his wife.
Her heart felt lighter at that thought, the true difference. The thing that made her special.
She wasn't some leader, and he didn't lead her, instead they were a team. They help each other no matter the situation.
Subaru's eyes softened as he stared at the silver haired beauty, his strokes along her back slowing in pace as he smiles weakly up at her.
"I'm so-" she stops herself, taking a deep breath, her chest rising as she holds it in with closed eyes, only for a large release of breath through her nose to follow. Once all the oxygen had been expelled from her lungs, she took a sharper breath and opened her lavender eyes to look her beloved in the eye with a newfound resolve.
"Thank you, my beloved." She said simply, a smile creeping onto her lips, only small in its presentation, but it was the biggest smile he had ever seen on her face.
He loved it.
He loved her.
Returning her smile with his own and opening his mouth to reply, only for a deft finger to be placed there.
Usually this actions was flirtatious and demanding, but this time it was serious and pleading as she pierced his soul with her amethyst orbs staring straight into his nasty brown ones. Oh how she loved those eyes.
"Not now my beloved." She whispered softly, pressing her forehead to his as her other hand positions itself on his bare chest to feel his heartbeat. "You saved me. Saved us. Saved them all. You did well, my beloved husband." The word husband escaped her lips on impulse as she stared at him at such a close distance.
That word alone set her heart fluttering and made her stomach fly with the butterflies as her blood rushed to her full cheeks and pointed ears. Not the furious blush of surprise embarrassment. And not the intense flush of pleasure. But the light coloring of love. It was not crimson, nor was it red, but instead it was a light pink as their noses touched, the heat radiating off her face and onto his, their breath intermingling.
Despite their close proximity neither made a move to kiss, nor did they want to. Now simply wasn't the time, this wasn't a passionate moment, this was a moment of mutual understanding and love. If they were to kiss, it would be later, not now.
Subaru's words died in his throat. Any witty lines, tsundere denials, or smooth acceptance all vanished in the face of Satella's earnest and heartfelt love. A love he had no doubts about, and a love he no doubt returned. His cheeks flushed a deep, dark crimson, a perplexing contrast to Satella's light pink.
Images of silver hair, amethyst eyes, and pointed ears flowed through his mind, causing him to smile slightly in gratitude.
His soul was split in two, one wanted Satella, the other wanted Emilia. And as much as he would love to commit to one over the other, he was greedy, andhe didn't want to choose. He wanted them both.
He had foolishly believed he was capable of falling out of love with Emilia, deluding himself with thoughts of picking Satella over her, blatantly lied to himself when he thought Satella would be his one and only.
Subaru was a greedy man. A man who knew nothing but the greed and envy within him. He couldn't let them go, his heart longed for both of them, lusted for them. He wouldn't let them go, as his greed prevented him from being able to give up what he wanted. He would never let another soul have them, for they would meet his wrath fueled purely by his envy. He wouldn't let them slip from his grasp, as he was too prideful to let go. He would stop at nothing to get what he wanted because he was gluttonous for the happy ending he desired so much, he would never be satisfied until that need is fulfilled.
Natsuki Subaru was all of these things, but make no mistake, this man was anything but slothful. He would stop at nothing to get what he wanted.
Natsuki Emilia?
Or
Natsuki Satella?
That was the question that had filled his mind for months, but right now, in this moment, due to the help of a silver haired princess, and the need to help his amethyst eyed partner had led him to his only natural conclusion.
What Natsuki Subaru wanted most wasn't Natsuki Emilia, nor was it Natsuki Satella, but instead was Natsuki Satella and Natsuki Emilia.
He was a scumbag, yes. He would never fight that reality. He could never be close to the sword saint. He would never be a saint. He would never be a pure knight. He would never be a warrior. He would never be a magician. He would never be a master strategist. He would never be a leader.
What he would be however was the great sage Natsuki Subaru, husband to both Natsuki Emilia, and Natsuki Satella.
He would make sure of it, no matter how many times he failed, he will always get back up and fight.
With that a fire was lit in the eyes of the weakest knight in the world, his determined gaze meeting the soft and loving one of the strongest evil to have ever lived as he gave her a confident smirk.
"I look forward to the marriage, my wife." He said confidently, planting a kiss on her lips, they were far from done with everything, but he, Natsuki Subaru, had overcome the largest mental hurdle of his life.
Ahem… ahem…. Ahem.
Weekly uploads he said, im getting back into it he said, I still love writing he said. Now I'd like to say that at that time I didn't lie, that was all true and those were my genuine thoughts and feelings.
Buuuuuuuuuut life fucking sucks ass.
Without getting into details and padding out my word count I want to simply say that I would like to apologise. This wasn't a hiatus I had expected, nor wanted to take. I've been gone far too long and while my reasons for that are valid and very personal as well as plentiful it wasn't my intention to leave this, or any other fic, on the backburner. I spoke to the author of Restart about coming back (as well as many many others) and as a result im not going to make any promises. At the end of the day fanfiction is a hobby of mine, and as I've ironically told him many times real life always comes first. I will continue to write this story, and I hope to see it grow and grow and eventually become a stand alone piece of fiction I can look at and smile knowing I did well on. I wont promise to upload regularly, however I will write this as often as I can as I genuinely enjoy everything about it, reading the reviews, writing, all of it. I hope to not only improve as a writer, but as a person in the near future, so while updates may not be too frequent, I hope and will actively try not to go on month long hiatuses, and if I do just know I have a very good reason for it.
For some small drops of context (since you deserve some kind of explanation) a lot of family and friend drama happened, I was in a motivational rut and had some of the worst weeks of my life during the time I was gone. I refuse to receive sympathy for simply being lazy, however you deserve that explanation. Things are much much much better and I am much happier than I was when I left. I've made the biggest life choice I have ever made in the time ive been away and.
That said I had a fuck ton of help from some very very important people in my life. They know who they are and if you read this I sincerely thank you for what you have done.
Finally I would like to thank some fellow authors for the help they have given me as of late.
The author of Re:Start (known on as qwerty19) as well as my inspiration for this fic, he's been a massive help in just motivation boosts by randomly discussing ideas and just our general talks.
The author of pride's greed (TheColourPurple123) a fic I still need to fucking read by the way. He has been a massive help just helping to bring my motivation back, and being patient and understanding of my situation. Thank you mate.
And finally my good pal Sage123, the author of Re:Time (a fic I used to help out with a lot lmao) he has been the biggest help out of any fellow author and the third biggest help out of anyone in my life throughout this entire thing. He's fucking legend and a fellow Satella simp as well as the literal only reason you are seeing this chapter today. Thank you sage.
Needlessly long excuse of an authors note done, sorry for a short chapter, needed this out, had a blast writing it. Thank you for your continued patience and support, this community is wonderful.
I look forward to the future of this fic.