Chapter 48

"….no, Potter. Fucking wake up…" Harry wondered why his shoulder kept moving. "Shit, fucking, shit!"

Someone around him sounded panicked, Harry's semi-conscious brain supplied. He wondered idly if Ron had lost his Potions textbook again.

"I swear to Merlin, Potter, if you don't wake up, I'm going to fucking kill you." That sounded a bit harsh. Harry didn't even have Ron's potions book. "Please, Merlin, please tell me I didn't accidentally kill Harry fucking Potter."

Harry frowned. "'M not dead." He mumbled.

"Oh, thank Merlin." Harry's shoulder stopped moving and he realised with sudden clarity that someone had been shaking it before.

"Ow." He groaned, now aware that his head actually hurt quite a bit where he appeared to be resting it on the stone floor.

"You okay, Potter?" Harry could recognise Malfoy's voice though it was far gentler than he was used to hearing.

"Mm, dunno. What happened?"

Draco chuckled, assured enough in Harry's well-being to breathe again. "You scared the shit out of me, that's what happened." Draco accused. "Merlin, Potter, if I was found in a room with Harry Potter's body, I'd be in front of the Dementors before you could say 'patronus.'"

Harry moaned again as he tried to sit up, Draco putting a hand on his back in support. "Right, sorry 'bout that." The saviour said distractedly, rubbing at the bruise on the back of his head. "I'm still not sure how I ended up on the floor."

"You were trying to remove the Dark Mark, remember?" Harry did seem to remember something about that dark, poisonous magic. "You were concentrating on the mark for a while and then there was all this magic around the room, I could actually feel it." He recounted with some astonishment. "Then there was an explosion of sorts, and you were thrown backwards. You lost consciousness but I'm not sure if that was from the stone floor. We should probably get you to Madam Pomfrey."

Harry shook his head with an answering grumble. "No way, 'm alright and Snape will kill us, remember? I don't think a concussion is the way we want him to find out." He reasoned, despite the throbbing in his skill. "Did it work?"

"Did what work?"

Harry rolled his eyes. "The mark, Draco. Did I remove the bloody mark or not?"

The Slytherin's expression changed to something Harry didn't ever think he had seen on the boy's face before. There was a vulnerability which Harry recognised, but also hopefulness in those grey shining eyes which was more innocent than he had ever seen in Draco, even when they were first years. "Look for yourself."

Draco brought his arm around in front of Harry and turned his palm upwards for the Gryffindor to inspect his inner forearm.

Harry looked. He looked and blinked and looked again but there was nothing to see, only pale, perfect, unblemished skin. The mark was gone.

"It worked." Harry whispered, running a finger over the previously tattooed space and feeling no sign of the former stain.

"Thank you." Draco said with as much sincerity as he could put into his voice. "I owe you everything."

"You're the one that took the risk." Harry tried to argue.

"You have saved my life."

"You saved mine too."

"I merely postponed your death slightly." Draco countered. "And it's much more than that. I don't just mean that you kept me alive, but you forgiving me, helping me, it means that there's actually something to live for."

Harry shrugged, uncomfortable with the sincere gratitude. "Everyone deserves a second chance. Plus you've done me a favour by being my willing guinea pig."

"Speaking of, when are we going to tell Snape about this?"

Harry groaned, not looking forward to that conversation, even if it would ultimately enable him to help Severus. "Not until my head stops pounding."

"Here, let me have a look." Draco examined the lump on the back of Harry's head and took out his wand to cast a spell. Harry felt a coolness like a cold compress spread over his hair. "That should help bring the swelling down. You should probably have Weasley and Granger keep an eye on you tonight."

"Mm, yeah, okay. Let's go. We've got our meetings with Severus tomorrow. We can tell him then."

Draco nodded. "Okay, I'll get practicing my defensive spells for when he tries to kill us."

"Good plan."

"Am I keeping you from something?" Snape asked sarcastically as he watched Draco check his watch for the 5th time.

Draco looked up in confusion. "Sir? Oh, um, no. Sorry."

"What the hell is going on with you, Draco?" Severus hadn't missed how suspiciously Draco had been acting all day, nor how distracted he had been during their meeting.

"Nothing." Draco said with false innocence.

"Draco, we had this conversation before. You said you would tell me if the problem persisted and here we are again."

"No, it's not that, I swear." Draco promised, recalling how nice it had felt when he was finally included in the DA. "That's all sorted now."

"Then what in Merlin's name is wrong with you today?"

"Nothing's wrong!" Draco couldn't keep the smile off of his face. "I swear, I feel better than ever."

Severus' eyes narrowed. The young Slytherin seemed genuine and Severus couldn't deny that there was a lightness in the boy's expression which he hadn't seen in a long while.

"There's something you're not telling me." He concluded accusingly.

Draco sighed loudly at the man's suspicion. "I can't tell you yet."

"I've got all night, Mr Malfoy. I can rearrange Potter's appointment."

"That won't be necessary." He heard Draco mumble, but still the blonde said nothing further.

They said nothing more to each other for the remainder of the meeting; Severus determined to wait the boy out and Draco biding his time.

After nearly 10 minutes of the expectant silence, a knock on the door released some of the building tension. Draco sighed in relief and Severus shook his head.

Harry entered on Severus' command but was stopped before he could get any further into the room. "I apologise Mr Potter, I will have to rearrange, Mr Malfoy and I have not concluded our meeting.

Harry's lips parted in surprise and his gaze shifted to Draco's pleading expression. He sighed, "Actually, Sir, I think me and Draco need to tell you about something." He closed the door behind him and pulled out the chair next to Draco's.

"What have you two done?" Snape looked between them with a scowl.

Harry turned to Draco instead of answering Snape's question. "You were supposed to put him in a good mood."

Draco gave him a pointed look which told him how stupid that idea was.

Harry looked back at Snape who was still waiting expectantly.

"We - I asked Draco if I could look at his mark." Harry didn't miss the tensing of Snape's jaw or the narrowing of his eyes, just at the topic of conversation. "I – I looked at it like I did with yours and then Draco – we agreed that I should try and remove it."

They both heard the sharp intake of breath through Snape's nose and saw his fists clenched on top of the table, clear evidence of the man's anger.

"It worked!" Harry rushed to add as Draco quickly rolled up his sleeve to reveal the blemish free skin. "I managed to release the remnant magic and now the mark is completely gone."

There was silence for a moment. Snape looked coldly into Harry's eyes, glancing only for a second at Draco's arm.

"I am incredulous." Snape bit out between his gritted teeth, anger only rising as he envisaged the ridiculous stunt they had pulled and all the many things which could have gone wrong. "I cannot believe you would blatantly ignore everything that I said!"

"I didn't –"

"You intentionally disobeyed me!" Snape roared. "I warned you how dangerous this could be. Of all the reckless, idiotic things you have done, Potter, this one might just beat the lot."

"I wasn't trying to disobey you, I just – "

"I told you not to attempt anything."

"You said you didn't want to try it." Harry reasoned only for Snape to scowl further.

"I was very clear." He hissed. "This was far too dangerous and experimental and it was your safety that was at risk."

"Well that was our choice." Harry argued. "Our decision. We're both of age, we knew the risks."

"You knew nothing!" Severus' voice was raised again. "You had no idea what would happen!"

"We never would have known until we tried." Draco reasoned calmly. "It was worth the risk for me, Severus. I couldn't live with that mark on me for the rest of my life."

"And it worked." Harry added emphatically. "I did it, so I can do yours now too."

"You will not."

"But nothing bad happened! Why won't you let me do this for you? You've seen that I can do it."

"Get out, Potter – "

"Harry." The Gryffindor snapped.

"Excuse me?"

"You call me Harry now. You don't get to go back to calling me Potter whenever you're pissed off with me." Harry insisted.

Severus paused, his face impassive as he considered. "Harry," He acknowledged. "Leave now. I will speak with you when I am less angry."

"Fine." Harry muttered, disappointed with Severus' reaction. "I'm going." He left dejectedly.

Draco stayed behind until Severus turned his glare on him. He threw his hands up in surrender. "Yes, yes, I'm going too. Don't fire." He heard something of a growl behind him and he too escaped the office.

He caught up with Harry on the 3rd floor, near the 8th Year dorms. The raven-haired Saviour was staring out of a window, his foot kicking the wall in agitation as he leant on the windowsill. Draco joined him, leaning his back against the wall and facing into the corridor instead of out of the castle.

"He'll get over it. He's just pissed that he was wrong and you were right to take the risk."

"I know." Harry was quiet. "I just hate when he's mad at me."

Draco scoffed. "I would have thought you'd be used to that by now, Potter."

The side of Harry's mouth quirked up slightly. "I never used to care, but now I actually like the man, it feels awful when he's upset with me." He turned to face Draco. "How come you aren't bothered. He's annoyed with you too."

Draco shrugged elegantly, "Yes, but he expects me to mess up so it's much less of a disappointment to him."

Harry groaned. "I'm not sure you're helping."

"Who said anything about helping?"

Harry rolled his eyes. "Oi, I totally just freed you from the remnant magic of an evil tyrant that was living inside your arm, you owe me!"

Draco smiled, knowing that Harry was joking, but his eyes held a sincerity as he held eye contact with Harry. "Yes, I do."

Snape wasn't talking to him at the moment. The professor had ignored him throughout his next defense lesson, so Harry took the hint and didn't stop by the man's office in the evening.

By the weekend Harry was feeling miserable with the continued rift between them. Logically, he knew the man would come around once he had calmed down, but it left Harry feeling tense regardless. He had thought they were done with falling out.

"Don't worry about him." Ron said at breakfast on Saturday, he and Hermione having both been told about the week's events. "He's a git."

"He's not a git." Hermione countered. Ron gave her a look. "Ok, well, yes, his is a bit of a git. But he's just annoyed and he's worried about Harry."

"I know." Harry said dejectedly. "I just wish he'd let me help him."

Their conversation was interrupted by the morning post, owls swooping in from the rafters. Harry didn't pay much attention. With his closest friends here, and a ward around the building which redirected fan mail to another location, there weren't many people with whom he corresponded. Hermione still insisted on maintaining her subscription to the Daily Prophet, so he wasn't surprised when an owl landed softly on top of the table between them, but it was rather unusual to that a further three birds descended on them, each one determinedly approaching a different member of their trio.

The three of them looked at each other in query, none knowing why they would all be receiving a letter.

Harry took the offered letter from the owl in front of him, seeing his name written elegantly on the front and turning it over to inspect the wax seal.

"It's from the Ministry." Hermione said at the same time Harry had come to the same conclusion.

"This can't be good." Ron said pessimistically as they each tore into their envelopes.

Harry read quickly, trying to get to the purpose of the letter. Key words jumped out at him but his brain couldn't seem to make sense of it.

"What. The. Fuck." Ron was whispering in shock. "Bloody hell…"

"Ron." Hermione chided half-heartedly, still far too distracted by the contents of her own letter.

Harry went back to the beginning, read the letter again, slowly, checking that the words actually said what he thought they said.

Dear Mr Potter,

We are delighted to inform you that the Wizengamot has awarded you a First Order of Merlin as commendation for your significant contributions in the war effort and the unparalleled role you played in the demise of the dark wizard known as Lord Voldemort.

Your Order of Merlin will be presented to you at the Ministry of Magic's Victory Ball which is to be held at Hogwarts Castle on 11th May. It is requested that you make a short speech upon receipt of the award.

The Wizengamot thanks you for your services to Wizarding Britain.

Yours sincerely,

Regina Goodwin

Secretary to the Chief Warlock

"Harry…Harry?" Hermione's gentle voice broke through his confused stupor. "Are you okay?"

"Um, yeah. Just a bit shocked."

"This is so cool." Ron laughed.

"It's…an honour, I suppose." Hermione said, still looking at Harry cautiously. "How do you feel about it, Harry?"

"I dunno, it's weird. Nice, I guess, but I don't really feel deserving of it."

"It's for services to Wizarding kind, Harry. I know it wasn't really an option for you, but have definitely earned the credit."

"Yeah, ok." Harry murmured. "And then there's this 'Victory Ball' thing and we've got to make a speech."

"What speech?" Ron frowned.

"It says in the letter that we have to make a short speech when we get the award."

"That's not in our letters, Harry." Hermione said, checking over her letter again. "I think that's just you."

Harry threw his head back and groaned. "For God's sake."

Ron chuckled. "Rather you than me mate."

Harry huffed out a put-upon sigh. He really wasn't sure how to feel about the Order of Merlin. It felt strange to be awarded for destroying someone and there were so many other people that had worked to win the war.

He looked up at the staff table, seeking out Snape, with whom he would normally talk through this stuff. Snape wasn't looking back at him, however. He was holding his own letter on traditional Ministry parchment.

Severus stormed into 7th Year DADA in a foul mood on Monday morning. Since finding out that he was being awarded a First Order of Merlin, he had done everything he could think of to get it rescinded, up to and including petitioning the Minister himself.

Kingsley had been no help at all. "It's a Wizengamot decision, Severus, I had nothing to do with it."

"Why in Merlin's name would they even consider me! I'm a bloody Death Eater!" Severus had raved.

"Harry has spoken at length about your crucial role in the war, Severus. Opinions have changed." Kingsley reasoned.

"Why a First? They could at least have just given me a Third like the other Order members.

Kingsley had given him a condolent smile. "They want Harry to accept his. Knowing his feelings, the Wizengamot feared that he would refuse to accept it if you were not awarded the same level Order."

"I could refuse it." Severus had threatened.

"You could, and then what would Harry do?"

Severus knew the answer to that. He could bet exactly how mixed up Harry must be feeling about receiving this award. Harry deserved the award though, and Severus would ensure the boy was remembered in history as the one who was brave enough to save them all, even if he was a reckless idiot.

The Boy-Saviour was sat at the back of the Defense classroom looking miserable. Severus was still peeved that the boy had risked his life for an entirely unnecessary reason, but he had calmed down since Wednesday, especially with the Order of Merlin to occupy his attention.

Harry hadn't come to his office since their aborted meeting. If Severus wanted to check in with the Gryffindor, he would need to make the first move. He started the lesson, offering pointers to Harry on his dueling where he could instead of ignoring him as he had last week. Harry looked at him hopefully when Severus spoke to him and Severus gave him what he hoped was a reassuring nod in return.

At the end of the lesson, Severus kept him back.

"How are you?"

Harry shrugged which was answer enough.

"Let's talk this evening."

"You're talking to me again then?" Harry said with an edge to his voice that he couldn't hide.

"I'm not happy about what you did," Severus said honestly. "But I have calmed down. We should talk about the Order of Merlin, I think."

Harry nodded. "Okay."

"After dinner then?" Harry nodded.

"What are you thinking about it?"

"I saw you get a letter too," Harry countered. "What do you think about yours?"

Severus knew the attitude was all defensiveness.

"I hate it." He admitted. "In no way do I feel as though I deserve it. Your turn."

"Of course you deserve it."

"I wasn't asking what you thought about me getting one." Severus stopped him. "I want to know about yours."

"I dunno, it's…I dunno." Harry tried.

"Do you want it?"

"No, not really, but then I never even considered the possibility." Harry said thoughtfully. "Ron thinks it's cool."

"Do you?"

Harry shrugged. "It's kind of nice, I'm just not sure I've earned it. It's different for Ron and Hermione. It's not like I ever had a choice about going head-to-head with Riddle. They chose to fight and they sacrificed a lot to commit to the fight as much as they did. I didn't really have anything to lose."

"It was still a choice, Harry. An incredibly brave one."

"It still feels uncomfortable. And then there's the 'Victory Ball'." He added with disgust. "It seems wrong to celebrate a battle where so many died."

"It's completely normal to feel conflicted about this Harry." Severus sympathized. "For other people the end of the war was pure relief at the end of fear, but for you it was the end of a frankly traumatic experience."

"I just don't know what to say to them all."

"You don't have to say anything."

"I do, they're making me give a speech."

"They're…" Severus shook his head derisively. "Those manipulative bastards." Harry rose an eyebrow at the language. "You'll think of what you want to say. People will respect anything that comes from you anyway."

Harry rubbed a hand over tired eyes. "It's just like it was after the battle, everyone wanted me to say something profound, to explain it all for them or to make it better, but I had nothing to offer them. After the battle I was just…numb."

"You threw yourself into the castle reconstruction and the Death Eater hunt to avoid grieving and processing what happened."

"Yeah. I didn't know how to deal with everything yet. Still don't really."

"You've dealt with a lot, Harry." Severus disagreed. "It's a process though, and it doesn't happen overnight."

"Yeah, I know." Harry accepted. "Couldn't even have begun to work through it all without you though." He said with unexpected sincerity.

Severus could only match it with his own. "It has been my honour."