A/N: Hey! It's been a really long time since I've posted anything... ^^;; Well, I won't harp on that here, but here's a treat for you all! I originally wrote this piece in April of '09 (I reread Inu Yasha at that time which explains the inspiration for this fic) but I lost it when my computer crashed. I just found that I had emailed it to myself however, and edited it a bit just lately, so here you go! When I originally had the idea for this story it was meant to be told in two parts (this being the first of the two), however I may just leave it as a oneshot. As always, give me opinions if you have them. Now enough of my rambling...
Oh one more thing, look out for some cussing in this story. Inu Yasha refuses to behave when it comes to properly censoring himself... -_-
Please enjoy~
Disclaimer: raindropdays does not own Inu Yasha, the characters or the plot.
To not see you again...
To live without you...
Don't make me face it alone.
To live another day without you would be unacceptable. To exist without you... would be unacceptable.
Your face, your voice, your heart, our dreams; I want more than anything to be with you again.
That is why, this must not be the end. This cannot be the end. I will not let it end here.
My greatest wish...
"Sister?" the word hangs in the air dead and alone. It takes me a moment to remember what it means as we make our way through a crowded field. My mind is clouded too heavily with far more important matters as it usually is, though guilt floods in quickly. "Sister?" she asks again—always a persistent child, and I began to wonder why we are doomed to this fate. I stop myself and smile politely—rather why am I doomed to this fate? Alone. A moment goes by in silence and she knows that I'm thinking. She knows there is something important and dangerous in the air, for that is the only time I smile.
Am I truly such a paradox?
Or is it cynicism at its finest?
"I am tired, Kaede," I answer simply.
No more words.
All the words are gone. There is nothing left to say and with that, the two of us head off towards a home we might be safe within.
A crow caws forlornly in the distance, boding the dangers that follow a setting sun.
"You are no child."
The words are harsh, but there is truth in them. Isn't that always the case with the truth?
I look away from the man before me and wonder what it would be like to see him disappear; such a hateful thought. I stop myself from continuing those thoughts and rush to leave the room before he can realize my insolence. But it's too late and I can hear his sorrow and anger all rolled into one, brimming within him.
"So, you wish me dead, do you?"
I dare not speak for fear has truly grasped my very being. I stare at him; my eyes wide with horror and regret and for once in my life throw myself onto the floor. I beg at his feet.
"Please forgive this careless thought," I beseech, my heart pounding in my chest. My eyes are fixed on the wooden floor and I dare not look into his eyes for fear of what I might see. There is thick silence in the room and I wonder what will happen to me next. Perhaps, my life will end here and I will die alone, with no one to even miss my being. I imagine the sword he carries, drawn from the scabbard and plunged into my flesh mercilessly. I imagine all the ways he could kill me, all the ways he could take my life and for once in my life I am scared. But then he is gone. I hear the paper door shut and I realize that I have been spared.
In the corner of the room is a bow.
"Sister, what will happen to me?" she asks innocently. I make no attempt to hide the truth when I answer. I have always been the kind one but responsibility and expectations have made me cruel.
"What do you mean?" I ask as we walk. I brush a branch out of my face and hold it for her as she scampers along behind me.
"I mean, what will happen to me, now that you've decided to become..." she doesn't finish her thought. I'm glad.
"You can either choose to travel alongside me or return home," I leave the answer as simple as that. She is quiet as we continue walking and I know she must still be thinking about that night. I must have looked so broken when she found me huddled in the corner with naught but a bow at my side. My destiny was sealed.
"Sister, you're doing all of this—" she quiets as we cease walking. My sudden halt has frightened her but my aura is as calm as ever. A demon stands before us; black horns and red eyes. Death lingers in the air. It turns to us slowly and grins an evil smile, blood spilling from its too large fangs.
"A snack, I see," it snarls.
I smile blandly. "A fool, I see."
"You intend to purify it!" he shouts. The elderly man with his large furry eyebrows is staring at me with such intent that I think it will burn a hole through me. I shudder. Thank the gods, I was blessed with spiritual powers above this man.
"That is what I came here to do," I speak calmly, never taking my eyes off of him. To look away would be to lose. Losing is something I intend to never do. He continues to stare at me skeptically so I continue. "I heard that it has caused nothing but destruction across this land." I see a faint gleam in his eye. "I have come to remove that pain and sorrow."
He thinks for a moment before speaking. The room is silent and I can hear his pupil in the other room fidgeting with some prayer beads. Finally he speaks, "It is a heavy burden."
"Let it be my burden to carry," I reply, whole heartedly.
"I have heard of your power. I have heard of what you can do." He pauses. "It is a dangerous thing but in the correct hands I believe that it will bring a happy ending."
Part of me wants to laugh out loud. Cruelly and wholly, laugh in his face. But I know better. I smile politely as I always do. I don't even need to bite my tongue. My mind catches my mistakes before my body even has the chance.
"You, my lady, can bring that ending, I'm sure," he finishes and I raise my eyebrows.
"By that, you mean?"
"Take it. Take it and go. Protect it with your life and never let it fall into the wrong hands. And then purify it and send it from this world. I leave this mission to you and you alone," as he speaks he does not smile. He continues to frown and I know I have not been blessed but rather, cursed. He turns to retrieve the omen from the shrine and I hear prayer beads crash to the floor.
"They've been coming day after day—to think this place used to be such a peaceful village!"
"Don't say such things; it's still peaceful, with the lady around and what not."
"But it is the lady's fault that we are subjected to such torture anyway."
"Shh! Without the lady we would all be dead!"
"It is her fault in the first place; it would be best if she was on her way again and returned to the place from which she came."
I hear their talk. I feel their eyes on my back. Their hatred is overwhelming.
Gratitude is a strange if nonexistent thing. What saves you one minute can be your undoing. As the person I am today, I know this better than anyone.
I grip my bow tighter as I walk. Since that day only demons have pursued me. Not a single human has spoken to me, save my dear sister and I admit I miss their interactions; their warm words and their joyous feelings. It seems as though we exist on two separate planes as I watch them live their busy lives. Suddenly, I feel a heavy weight around my neck and I realize just how heavy the burden that I carry is.
"Sister!"
I hear her calling my name and I know that as usual I am late. Perhaps if I stand perfectly still she will not find me and I can continue to exist and yet somehow not exist all in a realm of my own.
Bah, such a foolish thought, I realize as she bounds up to me sporting herbs in one hand and arrows in the other.
Just because I am alone, doesn't mean I can be alone.
"You have it!" it snarls at me, blood and god-knows-what dripping from its blackened jaws. I stare at it with little to no emotion. A year has passed and my eyes have grown accustomed to such sights. Demons are nothing more than pieces of filth in my mind. I almost sigh as I draw my bow. I do not answer as the arrow is released and I watch the demonic energy purged from it. Then like the others it sinks into obscurity and I stand there waiting for another to take its place so that I can continue in the same droll way that I have lived until now.
Then I realize it.
There is something different about today.
There is something almost hopeful about today and for once in a very long time I can feel a smile breaking across my lips.
I feel another aura approaching but it seems different. A second later I hear its voice and my stereotypical assumptions of demons are shattered. I am left in shock when I hear it speak.
"So you can smile, huh?"
By the time I turn it is gone.
The smile is gone a moment later.
"Hmph."
He's here again. I can feel him. I sigh as I walk. To me this has become nothing more than a tiresome cycle in my life. I hear a bush behind me rustle. Is he planning to attack? I sigh again and in a heartbeat draw my bow. Four arrows shot; all of them hit.
Right. On. Target.
"Why don't you ever shoot the final blow?" he shouts angrily as I walk away. He's pinned to the tree by the cloth he wears, but I've managed to avoid his body. Again, he's left to live.
"You're a waste of arrows," is all I can say to prevent myself from doing something stupid.
He should have died that day and so many times before.
But even I, who have been called a witch and a demoness myself, cannot bring myself to slay one with a human heart.
Am I soft? Or is this what it means to be a human girl...?
"Today you're going to die, wench!" he shouts as he comes towards me. I can see his claws are ready, and he's aiming straight for my heart. Does he truly intend to do away with me?
Tock. Tock. Tock. Tock.
Four arrows shot; all of them hit.
Right. On. Target.
He shouts angrily as he remains pinned to the tree. Again, I dismiss him as nothing and turn to walk away but that stupid demon—he just won't shut up.
"Get back here wench and finish me off. Don't you ever get tired of this? Huh? Answer me witch!"
I tire of it every day. That's what I want to say but I know I can't. I know that I mustn't.
"Well?"
He's quite demanding, for one pinned to a tree.
"You," I say. I let the word hang there for a moment.
"Yeah? What?"
So impatient.
"You are a half-demon," It's not an accusation but merely a statement of fact. The aura around him darkens and I'm half tempted to turn and see what's happened. But I don't.
"Yeah? And what the hell is it to you?" he asks, his voice suddenly darker. "I can still rip you to shreds." He spits the threat out, with disgust—perhaps?
I laugh at this; I can't help it.
"What the hell is so funny?"
I turn to him and do the unthinkable: I ask for his name.
Is it so strange that he responds?
"Inuyasha, you're there aren't you?"
There is no answer but I know he's there listening. I always thought it odd, that for a dog demon he spent so much time in trees.
"Why don't you come down from there?"
"Feh." He speaks grudgingly now but I know it's just an act.
Just like I'm just an act.
In the next moment he is there sitting beside me. For just a second, I wonder if he will kill me suddenly and if, from this distance, I will have time to draw my bow and save my own life...
"We've never been this close to one another, have we?" The words seem almost stupid as they leave my mouth and fill the space between us. Somehow I know his answer before he speaks and I want to shoot myself for sounding so dumb.
"What of it?" he spits. I change the subject. I never had to say anything in the first place. He already knows we're different.
"Inuyasha, what do I look like to you? Do I look human?" I wait for an answer but as usual he doesn't see.
"What crap are you spouting now?" It's up to me to make him understand.
"I appear to be human but I can't be. If I did, demons would take advantage of me and I would be struck down in a heartbeat. I am human but I must not be human." I finish my words and look at him. He seems annoyed but I can't help my next words. I must say them. "You are the same. That is why...That is why I am unable to kill you."
He is standing now and when I hear him talk I don't hear anger but rather annoyance. "Complaining? That's not like you at all bitch."
I stop. He's right.
I turn slowly and smile at him politely, though this time it's different. This time, I can't hide the sorrow that lurks behind my thoughtful expression. This time, for once in my life, the mask cracks and the look on my face is sincerely me. "No, you're right. I suppose it's not."
The look on his face says it all.
"Sister, you go out so often nowadays," she is staring at me with such intent eyes though I keep my own eyes fixed on the herbs I am collecting. I dare not answer her nearing question. "I wonder what you do when you are gone..." She seems almost sad as she finishes and I know she misses her elder sister dearly. I sigh and put the bowl down. I admit, if only to myself, I miss her too.
"I am very busy, Kaede," I answer almost coldly. I pause and chew my lip. Should I choose to lose myself all in all or hold onto whatever strip of myself that I have left? I shake the thought off and turn to her.
"Come Sister, we have work to do." I turn to leave our small home, carrying the mixed potion in my right hand and she follows, bow and arrows in tow.
"Where are we going?" she asks. We are out of the village when I answer.
"There is a cave not too far from here. You know of it, I am sure. That is where a wounded bandit lies." I hear her stop and I wonder what is going through her mind. I turn slowly to face her and see a look of horror painted across her face.
"And we are going to turn him in?" she asks.
"Don't be so wicked," I reprimand, "He has suffered from terrible burns all over his body. We must be kind to those in need." I turn away and continue walking. She follows as she always does. We walk in silence for the duration of the way. It is only when we near the cave's entrance that I hear her speak again. Her voice, it's so quiet, barely audible over the light sound of the spring breeze.
"Sister...how can you be so kind?"
I want to laugh at her words. I want to scream at her words. I want to do so many things all at once but none of them are in my nature. What is my nature?
"That's not like you at all..."
The words ring in my ears and all I can do is smile. I step into the cave and greet the wounded bandit who now lies at my feet.
Yes; how unlike the great stoic Kikyo I have become.
"You dare to defy me?" I continue to stare at him; the words seem to remain on his quivering lips even though they have already been spoken.
"I am the one who has been trusted with this task," I pause. He seems to be shaking now. With rage, perhaps? I cannot tell. "I was trusted with this task by you, yourself. It is not in my nature to go back on my word." I remain steadfast as I speak. The look in his eye darkens and for once in a very long time I am afraid. I am suddenly very sorry that I sent my bow away with Kaede when he arrived and I think of myself a fool. But perhaps he will be kind and end my life quickly. And then there will be no more sorrow or pain and I will finally be free of the life I have been cursed to live.
A small pain in my chest.
Another part of me cries out in a small voice and I wonder what it means.
Something in my heart tells me to refuse death and I wonder why that is.
"I understand that it was I who entrusted it to you but now I wish for it to return to my temple. It is a terribly cursed evil thing and should you choose to continue to guard it...I can only pray for your soul Lady Priestess," he finishes somewhat coldly and I eye him.
"I understand the danger it possesses," I say slowly and with that he erupts in anger. I step backwards in shock as he waves his arms like a madman. I truly think a demon has possessed him.
"You fail to understand Lady Priestess! I have seen it with my own two eyes! Disaster will befall you and the village, all caused by the jewel you now guard! Please, I have come to save you. Let me save you, let me right my actions that were wrong in the past!"
I frown. So he has come to clear his conscious, has he? Is that all people are to each other? Objects used? Objects lost?
"Why Lord Monk, how unholy for you to believe in such prophecies."
I see such anger and rage stream across his face. He storms out of the room without touching a single strand of hair on my head and I know he will not return. He pauses in the doorway and turns almost grudgingly to face me. I see that the anger has melted away and has instead been replaced by...pity?
"It is an evil thing Lady Priestess. I hope with all my heart that you do not succumb to it." And with that he is gone. I scoff at his words. An evil thing indeed, eh?
Then why in hell did you give it to me?
I turn to face it. It sits there, in the center of the room, lightly reflecting the gleam of the pale moonlight. I take a step towards it. It is already too late. I continue walking only stopping once I have neared its platform. I stretch my arm out to take the accursed bead. It feels cool to my skin. Cold and hard. Almost deathlike. I see my reflection caught in it and I admit that I do not look like myself. Not at all.
Ah yes, it is far too late.
Far too late...
"He said that, did he?" There is no surprise in my voice when I speak. My tone remains nonchalant; my mind is on other matters.
"He did, Sister. He scares me. He is such an evil man," she shudders when she speaks.
"What did I say, Kaede? He is a poor man who clings to life as an infant clings to its mother. He will be lucky to last another season change. You must pity him," I finish and I hear her grumbling to herself. Normally, perhaps I would have laughed, or scolded her for her impertinent behavior. But today, I can think of one thing and one thing only.
"Lady Priestess?" someone calls as they approach me. I wonder lightly if they know my name.
I turn gracefully and Kaede almost bumps into my legs. It is a young man—a farmer by the look of it. I recognize his clothes from a neighboring village.
"What is it?" I ask, my voice concerned though my mind is not.
"A demon plagues our fields. It does not allow the souls of the dead to move on from their earthly confinements." His words catch my interests and I pity their souls. "Please come Lady Priestess," he begs, "Please come and save them. They may be dead but they deserve to rest in peace."
Something catches my eye as he pleads. Something rustles in the bushes behind him. My eyes catch its silhouette for a split second before it disappears again among the foliage. A horrible realization rushes over me and I feel myself almost choke on my own spit. But the young man has not noticed and neither has my sister as they both continue to watch me pleadingly. They depend on me as if my very words decide their fate.
"For the demon," I finally say, taking a deep breath which goes unnoticed, "I can do nothing."
"My lady!" he cries but I silence him as I hold up my hand. How odd it is that I have that effect.
"But I will perform a sending for those lost souls in order to escort them to the world beyond." He seems content with this statement and thanks me many times on bended knee. He cries one final 'thank you' as he rises to his feet and runs back to his village.
"We expect you tonight!" he calls over his shoulder and I do not answer. It is implied that I will be there. Of course.
"I am going," I say as I turn to leave. It is not in the direction of the village and Kaede notices this.
"Sister, where do you go?" she calls. I turn to her slightly.
"I will be back by nightfall," I answer quietly and continue walking. She does not follow because she knows. She knows all too well what comes.
"Die..."
The word hangs in the air. It remains scattered throughout the battlefield, stained with all too fresh blood. I stand in the center of the mess and breathe deeply. So much blood. Splattered on my robes, on my hair and on my face. I want to cry out. I wish for someone to save me.
"From what?" I ask myself aloud.
It seems so strange. I am in no danger. I stand in the center of a field of freshly slain demons; all demons that I have slain, singlehandedly. And yet, I am asking for help as though there is some reason—some incentive for me to be saved.
I feel something living approach. I realize that there is a weight bound to my hand. I realize that it is my life. I feel it approach closer and I try to prepare myself to destroy it. For a split second I wonder if perhaps it will be better if it kills me now but my hopes for death all run thin when is speaks and I know in an instant that there are worse things than death. There always have been.
"You reek of blood wench," he remarks.
I take a deep breath and turn to face him. I may seem like death but truth be told, I have never felt so alive.
I'm late. I know. But I make no attempt to amend my errors. I walk slowly but proudly through the night, headed for home. When I enter the room I see my sister and immediately feel shame wash over me. I shake it off though and remain proud. She awakens to my presence and I wonder what she will say now. She remains quiet however and I know she wishes to ask where I've been. How can I possibly answer that question? How can I possibly tell her why I turned my back on the village?
"You're late, Sister," she says. It's more of a statement rather than an accusation.
"I know," It's all I can say now.
"The villagers...they thought something terrible had happened to you," I avoid her gaze when she speaks.
"They thought you'd died." Her voice is barely audible; a whisper quieter than death itself.
I leave the room without a moment to spare. I don't want to hear what she's saying. I don't want to realize the truth.
I walk briskly to the temple where it is protected. My once strongest shield now pales in comparison to a demon's touch. I hold my breath as I open the door and approach the small marble.
I take a seat on the temple floor a few feet from the bead and close my eyes. Part of me wishes to rip it from its stand and break it on the temple floor. To burn it, to break it into a million pieces, to watch it shatter with a hint of shallow satisfaction and then to run away—far away, into the night. But the other part of me knows better. The other part of me knows that if it disappears, so will he.
And both parts of me can't handle that.
"Why are you doing this Kikyo?" Her voice is shrill and mocking, but some part of me finds gratitude in her words. She hates me enough to know my name.
I don't answer though, and I see her burn with rage.
"You think you're so above me, do you?" she laughs wickedly, "But it is you, now, who is tied by fate, not I!" She spits the words in my face.
"Perhaps," I say slowly.
"You think it's such a great thing," she continues, "Being in love."
Is that what you call it? 'Being in love'?
"But it will be your downfall, I swear it!" Her jealousy has made her wild.
"Don't be so hateful," I say, "Jealousy is an ugly thing."
With this she lets out a terribly dark and wicked laugh that's almost insane. I continue to stare at her and I see her lose herself.
"You...you who are such a cold, unfeeling witch...You think that you are above me?" she bites her tongue and seems to be scheming something terrible. I see her draw something from her robes. I know what it is before she uses it and I am ready.
"You cannot hurt me," I say but she refuses to believe it. I wonder if even I believe it.
"Die, Kikyo!" she shouts and from her robes a snake comes forth, hissing loudly at me. I can tell that there is a curse painted in its viscous fangs.
Ah, but she is too late. Or perhaps I am lucky. As I swing my bow and reflect it back at her I cannot tell which is truer.
The curse hits Tsubaki, striking her harshly in her right eye. She doesn't expect it and all I can say as I walk away are the harsh words I know too well. "Today, you are spared. Do not come here ever again." I turn and began to walk away. I'm expecting her to say something, anything...but she is silent.
A woman like that...one who has sold her soul to demons for such a petty thing as beauty. Should she be allowed to live? I pause and I know that it is not because I do not wish to kill her that she lives today; it is because I simply can't.
"It should have been easy to steal the jewel from you!" I hear her shriek as I continue walking, "It should have been easy to outdo an idiotic woman who has fallen for nothing more than a poor excuse for a half breed! It should have been easy!" Her shrieks subside as I disappear from her view and I realize the truth.
Today I was lucky.
Will that luck hold out?
"You're different, my lady."
The demon hisses coldly but I say nothing in response. It stands upright before me, smiling evilly with the face of a golem and the look of pure evil upon its withered face.
"If you continue to stand there so proudly, I cannot guarantee you will leave with your life."
"Oh, how strange. What a very strange event," it coos at me, eyes gleaming with hatred, "How very strange to hear the great priestess lie through her teeth."
I swallow hard and raise my bow defiantly. It merely laughs at me again. For a moment, I wish that I am standing where it is now. If only we could switch places and I could be facing myself; able to laugh so freely at the sham of the woman I once was.
"Be gone demon," I say as I draw my bow. It laughs again before disappearing leaving me in shock.
And then I feel it. Terribly sharp teeth break the flesh of my shoulder and I realize too late that it was behind me the entire time. I realize too late that it has fooled me with a mere illusion. I realize too late that I am doomed.
Quickly, I push it off me and draw my bow.
Tock.
It lies dying in the grass as fresh blood trickles down my shoulder and stains my bow.
"Heh, heh," it laughs as I stare at it, a wave of panic and shock crushes my body. "It seems you were not lying today, my lady, but maybe tomorrow, or the next day." It laughs again and I wish with all my heart that it will shut up and die. It does neither. "But your end will come soon my lady, oh yes, it will come very soon and when it does, so many demons will rejoice my lady. So many indeed!"
I cannot bear to hear another word from its filthy mouth. I do the unthinkable. I turn my back to it and run.
Run where?
I don't know but I run and run until I realize that I have returned to the village that I was born in and lived. Pain washes over me, stemming from my shoulder and I remember that I am bleeding. Despair rises anew and shame mixes together with hatred and I realize just how far I have fallen.
I do not sense him coming so I am surprised when I hear him speak.
"You reek of blood wench."
I swallow hard. "I know. I always do." I try to stop the conversation before he can accuse me of my most fatal weakness but it is to no avail.
"No, you reek of your own blood. You're bleeding."
Immediately I want to be far away from this place; as far away as I can get. I want to run away and never come back. I want to bury myself in some great mountain or throw myself into some great river and be washed away from the face of the earth. But I don't.
"Are you hurt?" he asks and I want to answer with a simple 'yes' but instead I calmly resume walking , heading towards the village.
"No," I lie.
"What happened?" he presses but does not follow me.
"I made a mistake," I answer. I am nearly out of earshot. "It will not happen again."
As I walk, I wonder if he heard the last part. I wonder if I believe the last part.
I walk calmly and quickly to the shrine where the jewel lies protected and throw myself on the cold stone floor before it. Oh, it is such a wicked thing, how I despise it.
Then, I let myself cry.
"That's not like you at all..."
I curse the jewel.
"Did you know, if the right wish is made on the jewel, it will be purified and disappear forever?"
He looks at me intently and I feel a blush creep across my face. "And what will happen to you, Kikyo?"
I stare off into the sunset, absentmindedly. My very wish will come to pass... It's what I want to say but I don't. I answer far more modestly. "I am she who guards the jewel. If there is no jewel then I will become but a normal woman."
"Then I'll do it." His words catch me off guard and I can't help but stare at him somewhat shocked. I must look odd to him. The woman who is always so clam and poised now stares at him with a look of pure surprise. But he does not mock me as he might have usually. Instead I hear an explanation I had only once dreamed of. "I'll use the jewel to become human." He turns to me and smiles, "That is my greatest wish. To be with you forever."
"Sister?" her voice is almost shaking in the darkness. When I turn to look at her I can tell she is sorry she called my name. I glance at her kindly and then leave. I hear her finish her thought as I make my way to the shrine. "Why are you so happy?"
The sun will rise any moment. It is so unlike me to be anxious and yet, I cannot still my racing heart. I stare out onto the horizon, awaiting the sun's ray's entrance onto the cold world that we, as humans, are forced to live upon. I feel the heavy weight of one thousand pounds as I hold it steady near my heart. It doesn't help my anxiety, knowing that what I'm about to do will change my world forever. I take a deep breath and it seems as though that cursed object that I hold gets heavier. I want to smile, to almost laugh for I know that the end to a long night has almost come.
But in something in my gut will not allow me to be happy. Something deep within me will not allow me to be calm. Something inside me knows that we are not destined for a happy ending.
I can hear him coming closer now. Somehow he always surprises me every day. Today is no exception.
Then I feel it.
Such pain. Such surprise.
Terribly sharp claws tearing into my skin. Ripping from shoulder blade down my arm. Scarring my back as it slits my skin clean open. Blood pours from the deep wound and soaks my once white garments. Though I feel it and though I see it, I cannot believe it.
The world goes mute and I want time to stop. My fall is laced in a slow-motion driven madness and when I hit the ground, the only pain I can feel is from my shredded heart.
I see him reach for the cursed omen; it lays inches from my outstretched hand.
I can't bear to look away from him and as he stands there laughing I can't help but think of how magnificent he seems.
"Stupid wench," I hear him say.
I close my eyes and the world falls apart.
"Hmm, this jewel thirsts for more blood. I think I'll go slay the village."
My eyes flash open. I am alone. My soul is burning with anger.
How could you?
And then I realize, it was never a part of my destiny to be happy.
With tears—or blood—I can't tell which, streaming down my face, I struggle to my feet. My body, all sense has left it. Now only rage and anger fuel my soon-to-be immobile corpse. Silently, I curse the fates and my mind breezes over my time—our time together.
Damn it all.
I am such a fool to only remember good things of my murderer as I near my death hour.
I struggle, using my bow for support. I realize, in the end, it is the only thing that could ever keep me up. No one and nothing else, could I ever trust, other than myself and this accursed art that I have been forced to master. My mind races through a hundred thoughts but I know that for the moment, I can only focus on one.
The village.
He must not slay the village.
After all the mistakes I have made, after all the wrongs I have done—this one last duty, this one last task, I must not let it fall.
And I hate him for making me think this way. And I hate him for doing this to me. And I hate him for tearing my heart to pieces after ripping it from my chest.
And I hate myself.
I close my eyes and the world ends again. All I can feel is my all too still heart.
As I near that accursed place where I was born I can hear him all too clearly. Laughing as a demon would. Happy as I thought we could be, though his voice is tinted with a cynicism that I do not care for as blood trickles from my wounded body to taint the soil at my feet.
The village reminds me of a picturesque hell; suffering and fire all around. A hell that I've brought on. I bite my lip as I see the culprit, the seed of evil clenched in his hand.
"I'm taking the Shikon Jewel; it's only what I deserve!" he laughs cruelly to the villagers below as they scurry out of his way, baring their axes and torches as their last lines of defense.
"Inuyasha!" I scream as I release all of my frustration and sorrow. I draw my bow in a flash. Some would call it amazingly quick in scope of the wounds I have suffered. I call it my last duty and years too late.
Tock.
One arrow is shot.
It is all I need.
To. Miss. My. Target.
"Ki..Kikyo..." I hear him choke out as he stares at me wide-eyed, his figure finally pinned by his own flesh to the village's sacred tree.
For a moment, I think I see shock or sadness shimmer in his eyes but it is quickly extinguished as his lids fall.
I stare at his still figure with indignation.
"I have been a damn fool..." It is the only thought I let escape my lips. I stop the remarks from running through my mind. This is not the time for regret, for sadness, for anger, for pain... for love...
I retrieve the cursed jewel from a pool of blood near what I'm sure will be both our graves. "The Shikon Jewel..." It's been far too long since I've uttered those words... "For such a thing..." I hold it clenched in my fist and gaze at it bitterly. Let it and it alone witness the return of this cold and unforgiving woman I had once become.
I can only remain standing for a moment before I fall to my knees. The bow clatters at my feet. In the next instant, the crowd of villagers who had watched my fantastic feat crowd around me.
"Lady Priestess," one of them calls, "That is a horrible wound!"
He really did mean to kill...
"Sister!" Kaede is at my side almost immediately. The fear on her face is something I cannot deal with—not now. Consequentially, not ever. I focus instead on the jewel clasped in my hand. "We need to get you treatment!"
"I will not live."
The words seem so... surreal to me. As if I were using them to describe another person in another life. "It is already too late."
...Those words, I am familiar with.
"So listen carefully Kaede," I hold the jewel before her, "You must take this and burn this with my remains." Tears form in the corners of her eyes. I hold the jewel out to her and just as obediently as ever, she takes it.
When I fall this time, I know I will not rise. This time, it is not slowed down however but rather all too quick, and the hard ground does not feel so hard as it does cold against my blood drenched skin.
This jewel must never fall into the wrong hands again... I will carry it with me to the next world. Let this be my final duty at the one who guards the jewel.
And yet, even as I breathe my last breath and the last of my life flickers from my body, I cannot keep my thoughts from bouncing back to him...
And I cannot stop myself from being selfish just one last time.
We will meet again...
What a fool I am, to have fallen in love. But perhaps, that, in essence, is the one thing I had control over in my life. And maybe that's why I am not sad to go to my death.
Maybe.
Or maybe I'm lying to myself again.
And maybe, just maybe, I'm still in love.
My greatest wish...
A/N: So in this story, I tried to hit a lot of points that had been illustrated between Inu Yasha and Kikyo in the manga. That's why some anime fans may not see some pieces here. ^^; Sorry about that! Inspiration for the piece was: Sotsugyou Graduation, Farewell is for Tomorrow's Sake by Tackey and Tsubasa. Please listen if you get the chance and have not heard it! Thanks for reading~