Chapter 30: Chosen

The last one of the ugly bastards fell, and Levi landed on the grass at its feet. His limbs were shaking, every muscle in his body burning with exertion. He was surrounded by dozens of dissolving titans and the corpses of nearly the entire Survey Corps, horses and soldiers alike. The sickening scent of warm blood and innards hang heavily in the air, clinging to him. He focused on his target, on what he had to do next. Focused on the disgusting, steaming blood covering his entire body, running into his eyes no matter how often he wiped at it.

He had promised he would kill the Beast Titan. He had promised, and he had fucked up, because he'd let himself get caught up on mere possibilities. As if it was likely he'd find Erwin alive; Levi had seen what those rocks had done to those rookies Erwin had led straight into hell, how they'd all been obliterated.

How that furry piece of shit had enjoyed himself.

But once Levi had his blade in the shifter's ugly face, he'd thought of the injection in his pocket, and the commander. And he had thought of all the others he might be able to bring back; of Nora, wherever she might be—even though he'd forbidden himself to dwell on that possibility—instead of thinking about that damn quadrupedal titan they'd seen earlier. So, Levi had hesitated, and the bastard had gotten away.

Shit. He wasn't done with him, yet.

There was no point in guessing what might wait for him behind the Wall.

He had seen the Colossal collapse mere seconds ago, and that spot was where he went with the last of his gas. The Beast Titan, or what was currently left of the steaming asshole, was up and away on his ugly titan-mount just as Levi slid his feet down the other side of the Wall.

Shit. Going after them will be useless by the time I've exchanged my gear. I'll have to try anyways.

Armin and Eren were crouched over something—no, someone—on top of the roof below Levi. Connie, Mikasa, Jean and Sasha stood behind them, looking over their shoulders. Mikasa had her bloodied swords in a loose grip, the sharp edges of the blades pointing down, forgotten.

Bertolt was lying near them; unconscious, useless and steaming, all four limbs missing, his face bloodied and burnt. Good to know he wasn't going anywhere soon.

"Captain!" Eren shouted as Levi's feet touched the shingles of the roof.

"I just used the last of my gas." He stood up straight, ignoring how the tired muscles of his legs protested and trembled. "Give me your weapons and gear so I can chase him!"

Even as he was saying this, Levi was looking around, searching, he couldn't help it. If his whole squad was here, alive, she had to be close by.

She had to be.

"What's the situation here?" Levi barked out, drawing closer. Eren stopped fumbling at his gear. Armin was crying, his uniform singed on some places; shallow burns of an angry, pink-red colour littering his face and hands. The two boys were on their knees; the disfigured remains of a body between them. From the hips up, there was barely any intact skin left, only a fleshy mess; scorched deep red on most parts, shredded and bloody on others. Both arms were missing from the elbows down. The torn parts of the cloth left on the legs revealed seeping, red skin.

The smell of burnt hair and skin lingered in the air, so vile Levi's stomach twisted. A particularly sickening flavour of death.

Then he saw the necklace; the pendant, blemished with grime and soot, seared into the flesh of the bloodied chest, the outer layers of skin gone.

No. This doesn't make sense.

The iciness in Levi's chest intensified, and part of him knew this was happening right now—the moment he had been waiting for and dreading from the start—and that he was here, and that the soldier in him was evaluating the situation. He felt oddly detached.

The others parted quickly to let him through as he stepped close, right next to Armin, to get a look at her face. Where it wasn't cut and torn and bleeding, it was burned down to the flesh to a point beyond recognition—almost. What remained of her hair at the back of her head was singed.

The world tilted sideways, though he hadn't moved.

"It's my fault—I gave her part of the idea." Armin was sobbing so hard he was difficult to understand. "But Nora said she'd handle it—I tried to talk her out of it, but there was no other way—" His voice broke.

Don't say the name. Don't. It can't be her—

"Nora ambushed the Colossal with Thunder Spears while we were acting as a decoy," Jean reported behind them, a slight quiver in his voice, "But she got very close, probably to approach unnoticed… And then the Colossal gave off a blast of heat, and she must have detonated the spears immediately and got caught up in the explosion… She went down with Bertolt, and Mikasa cut him out."

Levi didn't turn his gaze from the corpse at his feet.

It looked like she had been flayed.

The shaking of his body had intensified, visible to everyone, but his voice was steady and devoid of anything human. "She sacrificed herself so you could finish off the Colossal and survive?"

Eren nodded, watching him with a pained, even fearful expression at whatever it was he was seeing on his face. As if he was waiting for Levi to lose it, to cut them down.

And he might have, might have shredded and destroyed everything in sight, if it had helped anything. How naïve he'd been to hope for any other outcome. To hope he could prevent it when it mattered most. To hope he'd go out first.

Maybe it was even naïve that he now hoped he could follow soon.

He had been waiting for this, half expected it before every expedition, every fight—but he wasn't prepared, not even a little. It felt as though someone had cracked open his chest, exposed his insides to cold, cutting air and was wrenching his heart out with a cruel, iron fist. He couldn't feel anything else; not his arms, not his legs, not his face.

He had been wrong about the world, before. It hadn't been hell, at least not all of it. But it sure was now, without Nora in it.

Levi was on his knees, now, too, though he had no recollection how. His vision had gone blurry. There was only all-consuming pain and despair; tearing him apart from the inside, emptying him out. He couldn't move, he couldn't think.

He couldn't breathe, and he didn't want to.

He was vaguely aware of the whirring of gear followed by the dull thud of someone landing on the roof.

"No." Hange's voice at his back was a toneless, horrified gasp. Everything became even more real, gutting him.

Levi couldn't look away from the body. Not even her eyes were recognisable anymore; the whites blood-red, the irises and pupils muddied…

It was then he heard a rattling intake of air.

He froze. He must be hallucinating, thinking shit up, because he had finally broken beyond repair, finally found what it took to bring him down for good.

But Armin and Eren gasped, and there it was, a minuscule rise of the burnt and bloodied chest, another shallow breath.

Levi's cold, numb hands disappeared underneath his cloak, frantically pulling the box free. His mind raced, and his heart with it, and he couldn't slow it down and hold onto a single thought. There was nothing to consider, anyways, only one option he could choose, consequences be damned.

His hands shook so badly he had trouble opening the case, and when Eren reached out to help, Levi slapped his hand away with unrestrained force.

It wasn't too late. He could save her; he could get her back.

The syringe in one trembling hand, he pushed Armin out of the way, leaning over Nora's mangled body.

"Captain! I found you!" The desperate voice came from the edge of the roof, belonging to the redheaded rookie—who had been part of the suicide mission with Erwin charging on ahead, leading them all to their death just so Levi could let the Beast Titan get away.

Because the world was cruel, and life was just a sequence of random and awful incidents arising from decisions people made, the biggest coward of them all was the sole survivor. And he was carrying the heavily bleeding, motionless commander. A significant part of his left side was missing.

Levi didn't move from Nora's side. Her breathing was slowing down, growing weaker with every faint exhale.

There was no time.

"Is Erwin still alive?" he asked, because he had to know.

"Yes," the redhead said shakily, having laid the comatose commander on the roof with Mikasa's help, "It's faint, but he's breathing."

"I see." Levi took in Erwin's haggard face. The face of a man on the brink of death; only minutes away, most likely.

Levi thought of Erwin's expression when he had told him to charge into his death. Defeated, tired. Finished, empty. Self-hatred finally evaporating into something akin to relief. There were so many times I thought it would be easier to just die, he had said.

And Levi saw Nora's face in his head, how she had looked at him the night before the mission, fierce and so full with… something, everything, it had robbed him of his speech.

She wouldn't want this—not at the cost of the commander's life. Maybe not at all.

Well, it wasn't her decision to make.

It was his, and it had been set from the start. The commander was dying—one of humanity's biggest hopes, his trusted friend and comrade—and Levi would do nothing to prevent it.

"Clear the area," he commanded in a firm, steady voice.

His hands had finally stopped shaking. He plunged the syringe's tip into the burnt flesh of Nora's arm.

#

He was the last one to desert the rooftop, partly collapsing under the explosion of steam. A tall, familiar figure landed by his side on the roof they had chosen to retreat to, and Levi turned his gaze away just long enough to get a look at Hange's face. Her left eye was covered by a bloodied bandage. Her goggles nowhere to be seen. Tears were streaming down her right cheek.

"I'm not sorry," he said to her, watching sinew and skin form over a huge carcass, appearing out of thin air.

"I know." Hange's voice was even, deep with sorrow. "It was your decision, and I stand by it, no matter your reasons. Shit—I can't even say for sure what I would have done."

The titan on the rooftop was misshapen and pale, the entire length of its torso the same width. A chilling grin was on its face, stretching under a disturbingly familiar, fine-boned nose with a slightly pointed tip. Long strands of messy, sandy blonde hair fell over its eyes and down to its shoulders, covering the nape. Still, as the titan crawled its way towards its helpless victim, Levi could see the disproportionately big eyes through the wisps of hair. They were of a deep brown colour, round and huge, with long, thick lashes a bit darker than the sandy mane.

Watching this felt like a nightmare. But then, reality had almost always been worse than the few dreams his mind concocted during the short-lived occasions it spent sleeping.

Averting his gaze, at last, he knelt, taking in Erwin's still form.

"I promised I'd kill the Beast Titan, and I will. But that'll have to wait," Levi said, uselessly. It wasn't like Erwin could hear him anymore. Something twisted in his chest.

Devil, the redheaded brat—Floch—had called the commander. He's the devil. He led us all into our death, he had said right after Levi had used the injection on Nora. You should have given it to him! We need a devil like him to stand a chance against them!

Erwin was done, now. Done with the unimaginable guilt that had been weighing on him for years, done with the pain every decision brought him; helping many, but dooming others. Released from all his burdens.

Never before had Levi seen his commander as broken as in those last minutes before he led his soldiers into hell. He had given up. Given up on the truth, on his dream. Ready to let go. Thank you, Levi, he had said, his face awash with relief and exhaustion.

Seeing his old friend like this had been impossibly awful, making Levi's selfish decision both harder and easier.

It made sense, though; he probably deserved to suffer for what he'd done.

"We're living hell," he said, drawing Hange's and Floch's attention, standing close by. "He became what he had to be, for us all. We were the ones who put him up to it. Maybe you can forgive him, someday." The last sentence was directed at the rookie. "After all these years, he's finally been set free from this hell. He deserves to rest." Levi took a last look at Erwin's face—gaunt and marked with death, yet calm, almost peaceful—and stood, shoving the pain of loss and guilt as far into the back of his mind as he could. A shitload of guilt, more than he had ever brought on himself before—dooming two people at once—and it would probably stay with him forever, just as it had with Erwin.

He was a monster, and now he had made her one, too.

But he could not regret something he would do again.

"NO! Help me!" Bertolt's scream was full of the desperation of a man knowing he was about to die. Levi found he didn't give a shit. Unmoved, he watched her—the titan—shove the crying warrior into her mouth.

"Annie! Reiner!" The titan bit down on the entire length of Bertolt's torso, hard, the names of his fellow warriors the last thing he would ever say. Blood exploded from her mouth, dripping beneath huge fingers she clutched over her lips, chewing. Swallowing.

Now, what? What if it didn't work? What if he had done this to her, extended her suffering, and it was for nothing? For the second time on this hellish day, undiluted, crushing fear took hold of Levi, twisting his gut.

Steam exploded from the titan, and it started to sway, falling face down onto the ground. The steam intensified to a dense cloud, and Levi allowed himself to breathe again. He jumped from the roof without bothering to use his gear, landing on the ground with a hard thud, running towards the disintegrating titan body. Distantly, he registered the buzzing of wires at his back, his comrades landing a few paces behind.

She emerged from the nape of the collapsed titan's neck. A delicate, bare back, peppered with tiny, beige freckles. Long, thick, wavy hair; fully restored and glinting in the sun, partly obscuring her face that was slowly separating from dissolving tendons.

His heart didn't feel like a part of him, threatening to burst out of his ribcage. Levi was on the steaming hot carcass a second later, wrapping an arm around warm, slender shoulders, pulling her out and propping her against his torso as he knelt on the grassy ground.

He had her back.

Nora was unconscious, the marks of a shifter carved into the skin under her lids, tracing down her cheeks in pinkish-red lines. They made her closed eyes appear even bigger. Her breathing was even. Her skin was flawless, soft, unscathed. She was also half naked. Shreds of her trousers were all that had survived of her uniform, but her chest was bare, save for the necklace.

Hange stood bent over them, probably to conceal her exposed torso from the onlookers at her back. Reaching to his collar with one hand, Levi freed his cloak from his shoulders, carefully wrapping it around Nora's midst. There were still blood stains on it, but at least it was intact. As soon as he had done this, Hange dropped to her knees at Nora's side, taking her face between her palms, trailing her thumbs over the marks below her eyes. After Hange had felt the pulse at Nora's throat, she buried her face in the crook of Nora's neck, heedless of the bloodied bandage around her own head.

Levi let it happen, his eyes not wavering from Nora's face, the grip he had around her shoulders and her now-covered waist firm. He knew Hange had seen her burnt and mangled body, as well, earlier. Pulling back, Hange's gaze skimmed over his arms around the unconscious woman wrapped in his cloak, then landed on his face.

"You really love her with all you've got, huh?" Her voice was soft, without a trace of the usual lightness and teasing. There was a small, sad smile on her face. "I love her, too."

The words were as painful as a stab to his chest. Unable to meet Hange's unbandaged eye, Levi found it best not to answer. He wouldn't have been able to speak around the lump in his throat, anyways.

At last, he looked over his shoulder. The other survivors had come closer, staring at the two of them kneeling on the ground with their unconscious comrade in their midst, eyes wide and glassy. Eren, Mikasa and Armin stood closest, huddled together. Silent tears were streaming down their cheeks. Behind them, Sasha and Connie were crying, as well. Jean was blinking rapidly, his jaw tight. Floch's expression was slack with shock and disbelief, his eyes filled with horror.

"We have to get away from the ground," Levi said once he could think again, coming to stand with Nora in his arms.

The way the brats were eyeing him was weird. It was annoying, but certainly the least of his problems. "Let's get up to the Wall."

###

The Colossal is there, looming over her, but he doesn't attack. No—is he… crying?

And then, he is gone, and she is watching a solemn blonde girl with icy blue eyes practising kicks. And she knows that she despises the girl; hates her, even, but at the same time, she remembers a time where she didn't—

Nora woke to the frantic beat of her heart, seeing nothing but the blue sky; a single, small cloud slowly drifting by, high up there. The sudden brightness hurt in her eyes, and she blinked multiple times, slowly getting accustomed to the light.

A warm weight she hadn't even been aware of suddenly disappeared from her hand, leaving it cold and exposed to the air.

She had no idea where she was, or when she was.

Shit—wasn't she supposed to be fighting?

She tried to prop herself up on her elbows, intending to take in her surroundings, but something was holding her back, pushing against her chest. No—someone. A strong, slim, long-fingered hand.

"Careful, brat. Stay down."

And there he was, sitting by her side, his face hovering above hers, his expression sombre.

"Levi." Nora uttered his name tonelessly, like a prayer. "You're alive." Delirious joy and relief flooded her so acutely it was dizzying, turning her limbs into mush.

"Of course I am." He frowned as if she was the one who had just said something absurd.

She turned her head, left and right, realising quickly they were on top of the Wall to Shiganshina District. Then, it came back to her, like a stab to the stomach. The explosion. The fire. "What about the others?" Her throat constricted, eyes stinging. "Hange…"

"She's alive. Injured, but alive. And our squad, as well." Levi said it quickly, probably noticing her distress. "But that's pretty much it." And he told her what had happened on his side of the Wall, during the battle. The bombardment with rocks. Erwin and his suicide charge. The Beast Titan, and how Levi had cut his way through to him, soaring from one titan to the next. That Hange was the sole survivor of her squad, which Nora felt so relieved over it was immediately followed by a wave of guilt. That they'd killed the Armoured and the Colossal Titan.

When he finished his concise recount, Nora needed a few seconds to process the information. "So… the ten of us are all that's left from the Survey Corps?" He gave nothing more than a curt nod, eyes on her. "Oh," she said, her face growing numb. "Oh, shit…" All their comrades, all those young recruits…

"What's the last thing you remember?" Levi asked before she could spiral into panic and despair.

She thought, hard. Her memory was foggy, her mind sluggish. It just wouldn't cooperate. "I… We managed to kill the Armoured Titan—Reiner—and then Bertolt transformed, and Hange and her squad…" Nora broke off, drawing a blank. "After that, I don't know. What happened?"

"I'll tell you." All of a sudden, Levi was glaring at her, his silver eyes flashing. "You stupid brat decided to engage in a suicide attack." And he told her of Armin's observations, and the alterations she had made to his plan—and what the execution of her idea had cost her. "Because of you, Mikasa managed to cut Bertolt out. Armin dragged what was left of you from the Colossal's collapsed, steaming remains. Your hooks were attached to the bone of its skull—apparently, you thought that boiling yourself on its flesh was preferable to falling sixty metres to your death. After blowing yourself up with those fucking spears, of course." His fury was a raw, powerful thing as he bent over her, blocking out the daylight, and he grabbed her shoulders, fingers digging into her. "You fucking idiot. Try something shitty like that ever again and I'll kill you myself—would be easier for both of us."

All she could see was his face, eyes narrowed dangerously, nostrils flaring, jaw clenched. For a moment, it was also all she could think about, and Nora didn't mind one bit he was here, with her, cussing her out.

Something stirred in her mind upon his recount, and she closed her eyes, concentrating. "I don't think I did it so I wouldn't fall—hooking into the bone, I mean. I probably wanted to make sure the Colossal couldn't get rid of me before I could do as much damage as possible, or at least wear him off a bit." Yeah, that thought process felt familiar to her. She would have tried to ensure her efforts weren't completely in vain. Still, in hindsight, it was probably a good thing she hadn't fallen sixty metres, unconscious.

When she looked up again, Levi's eyes were screaming murder. He did not seem to appreciate her practical thinking.

That was when the meaning of all this caught up with her—a small, not so inconsequential detail she had missed in the onslaught of information he'd provided.

"Wait… Why am I alive, then, and unhurt?" It hit her as she asked it—the only possible explanation for her current, uninjured state. "Don't tell me…" Her eyes widened.

Levi drew back, his expression closing off, shutting away all emotion. "I arrived just in time. You were… badly burnt, missing parts of your arms from the explosion, but still breathing. Barely. So I used the injection on you." His eyes were as blank as his voice when they met hers. "You're the Colossal, now."

Nora was suddenly glad he hadn't let her sit up. Her head was reeling, her pulse hammering against her throat, and for a few seconds, she thought she might be sick. She felt faint, hot and cold at once, shivers breaking out along her neck. Unmoving, Levi was watching her reaction, wary and guarded in a way he hadn't been with her in a long time. It exacerbated her frayed nerves.

What was the matter with him? Was he that angry with her? Or was it because she was a shifter, now?

Fuck—she was a shifter, now. Nora forced herself to breathe, slow and steady, until the blurriness faded from her vision and her stomach settled—somewhat.

When the first shock abated, she finally propped herself up, looking at her body under the blanket. She was wearing a beige shirt that was too big on her, and her own trousers, torn and singed at various places. Her hand went to her collar—she only became aware of the habitual movement when her fingers found nothing but her own skin.

Nora froze. "Where's my necklace?"

Levi's brows knitted together. "That's the first thing you want to know after finding out I turned you into a titan?"

She glanced around her makeshift bed on the ground, as if it would magically appear somewhere beneath the sheets. "Dammit… I must have lost it in the blast…" Her heart sank. It was ridiculous, really, after the events of the day, how distraught she was about its loss. She should be ashamed of herself to even think about this now; but he had given it to her, and of the very few things she owned, it had been, without a doubt, her most prized possession, and she hadn't even had it a month, and her whole world was going to shit, her entire existence changed, and now he was being so distant—

"Here." Levi's hand disappeared beneath his cloak, retrieving a white tissue. He unfolded it, and there was her necklace, presented to her on his open palm. "I took and cleaned it while you were out cold. It was covered in blood and grime."

Nora took the jewellery from him. She hadn't noticed how erratic her breathing had become until it slowed again. The material was far more heat-resistant than her body; the pendant was largely undamaged, if slightly worse for the wear. A few tiny discoloured spots and faint scratches marred the silver wings, only visible upon close inspection.

"The pendant was fused with your burnt flesh," Levi said. The shadows under his tired eyes were dark grey. "Looked about as pretty as it sounds."

Now if that wasn't poetic. Levi's pendant, seared into her chest. He had, quite literally, gotten under her skin, hadn't he?

"The hell? What about this has you smiling, you nutcase?" For a moment, his cold façade slipped; he seemed creeped out.

"It's nothing. Just an inside joke with myself." Still grinning, Nora put the necklace back on. It provided a good excuse to avoid his eyes.

He was shaking his head at her, his inscrutable gaze on the hand she had wrapped around her pendant.

"I still can't believe it. Not really," she whispered, "How could I? I don't feel any different. I'd try and cut myself just to see if it heals immediately, if I weren't too afraid I could accidentally transform."

"Take a look at your arms."

She did as he told her, pushing the sleeve of her left arm all the way up to her shoulder. Nora stared for a while before she realised what was missing. "My scars... They are gone." The remnants from their fight with the Female Titan, caused by the shards of her own blades, had still been scattered over her extremities just the day before yesterday. She remembered Levi tracing them with his finger when she was lying in his arms. It felt like a dream, like it had never happened. All she could see on her upper arm, now, was fair, freckled, unmarred skin.

"You were a burned, shredded, bloody mess. You regenerated." Levi's face was still an impenetrable mask.

Nora pressed her eyes shut for a moment, thinking of the damage the Colossal's heat and her Thunder Spears must have caused. She could almost see herself up there, getting close so she'd remain undetected as long as possible and the spears were sure to hit their mark, to drive deep enough into the massive, steaming titan's nape to incapacitate the human inside… Returning memory, or just her imagination?

"How the fuck was I even alive?"

"Beats me."

"What exactly did I look like?"

"Like..." There, Levi's steady, emotionless voice faltered. He scowled at his knees. "Fuck. Ask Armin if you want to know. Or any of the others."

They lapsed into silence, and he wouldn't look at her again. But he also stayed, by her side, only the two of them on the Wall. He had told her earlier that the others were searching the battlefield on both sides.

Levi was… hiding from her, somehow. Staying at an arm's length distance, literally. Ever since Nora had woken, and he had been there, and she hadn't lost him, she had wanted to reach out. She yearned to touch him so, so badly, but she feared he would pull away, and if so, she'd rather deal with it later, not so soon after finding out every awful thing that had happened to her and others this day.

When she looked at his face, her own pain dulled compared to his. She could sense it despite his stony expression, and it was his pain that ached in her chest and made it hard to breathe, even though she could only guess at its roots and the depth of it—there was the obvious, immense, staggering loss; but there was also something else.

"Levi," Nora said, and his grey, empty-but-not-really-empty eyes found hers, as they always did when she uttered his name. "I know it's a useless thing to say, but I'm sorry you lost Erwin."

His expression hardened, lips pressing into a thin line. "Don't," he said in a cold voice, "I'm really the last person you should feel sorry for. Feel sorry for yourself."

Taken aback, Nora opened her mouth, intending to inquire further. She was interrupted by their comrades returning—and Hange, shouting her name, running over to them.

"I'll leave you to it." Levi stood and strode away before she could say another word.

AN: Don't get me wrong - but I fervently hope this hurt, and that it hurt good.

Thanks, all of you, for last week's feedback. I was beyond elated.