There's nothing we can say or do
The damage is in front of you
I'm sorry but sometimes things fall apart
Take some time to understand
The situation's out of hand
But you didn't see it from the start
"Freeze and Explode"
Cassettes Won't Listen
July 8, 2012
Oak Park, Illinois
Standing in the hallway, Chuck shut off the phone. He had answered it in his room, but left the room so as not to wake Sarah. It had been Morgan, with a quick blurb of information that their flight had arrived and they were staying at the hotel near the airport for the night, due to arrive at Ellie's house in the morning.
"Is everything all right?" he heard, a quiet whisper emerging from the dark in the hallway, his mother's voice.
'Yeah, uh, yeah. Morgan's here. Why are you up?" he asked.
"I was hoping you were awake. There's something I have to tell you, that I didn't want to say in front of Beckman. Or even Sarah," she said.
His mother keeping secrets, although not new, was still something that just didn't sit right with him. "What?" he asked, immediately worrying about what the answers would be.
"Sarah found the newspaper. I'm sure she told you about it, no?" she said.
"Of course she did. Who are you communicating with?" he asked bluntly.
"To the rest of the world, they are Henry and Veronica Atwater. You know them better as Hartley Winterbottom and Vivian MacArthur," she admitted.
"Hartley? As in Alexei Volkoff Hartley?" he asked her, his eyes wide and unbelieving.
"Just Hartley, Chuck. Volkoff is gone. I never want to hear that name again. You let him go, gave him the identities Casey gave you that let him start over with her. It was the purpose of everything, what your father was trying to do all those years. I wanted to let him have that, you know, after everything. But once I knew she was alive, I contacted him. I asked him to come to the U.S. His flight just landed a few hours ago."
"He's coming here? With Vivian?" Chuck asked, his mouth agape.
"Not here, like Ellie's house. I wouldn't do that to her, or Sarah for that matter." Something occurred to her, and she asked, "Does she remember Vivian at all?"
"I didn't ask her specifically, but I don't think so, at least from the briefing. She definitely remembers being in the hospital, but I don't think she remembers that Vivian was the one who put her there." He grabbed his mother's arm for emphasis as he added, "The world still believes Alexei Volkoff is hidden away somewhere in custody of the U.S. government. Even the U.S. government believes he is in custody at a Black Site. Should he just be strolling around on the streets of Chicago?" he asked.
"Those identifies are rock solid. He became a different person. His resemblance to Alexei Volkoff is a coincidence. That's what the world sees." Her face fell, an infinite sadness washing over her features. "He needed to know she was alive."
"From what they explained, he terrorized her for years before she got away from him. Would she want to see him again? When she spent 20 years running from him?" he asked.
Tears escaped from Mary's eyes, and she quickly swept them away with her hand. "Chuck, Sarah held a gun to your head and came within inches of killing you, what, three times? Did that for one minute change how you felt about her?"
Going back to the darkest hour of his life shook him. "No," he said simply. The memory that surfaced like a leviathan grabbed a hold of him, forcing him down into the blackest depths of despair and heartbreak, as it circled around him.
It stayed with him as he lay back down beside his sleeping wife, and followed him into his dreams.
January 28, 2012
Echo Park, Los Angeles, California
As he watched her walk away, he had the strange sensation that the pain of her previous attack—the bruised ribs, the concussion, the lacerations, and the contusion caused by a bullet hitting his vest—had dissipated. But, no. It was because he was completely numb. In shock. Like he was watching the situation from far away, and it was happening to someone else. He sucked in his breath, hard, wincing at the renewed pain in his ribs that seemed to pull him back down to earth. What started as a physical pain became a wrenching pain inside him that no amount of painkillers could touch. It was as if she had slit him open and eviscerated him on his front doorstep, only the exudate was not blood, but his hope. All that remained inside him was pain.
He turned, walked slowly to his apartment and opened the door. It was dark, but through the thin moonlight filtering through the window, his gaze fell first onto the half step in front of him. His mind flipped back in time, and he could see it again. He had sat there, half drunk and sick, defeated, believing Sarah was lost to him forever. Only to be rescued from falling over the edge of despair, by a simple answer to a simple question. She had changed everything, in that one moment.
But now, he knew, hopelessly, that she was gone. When he had been so sure that nothing would ever separate them again. Something inside him broke in that instant, shattered into a thousand pieces, and vanished like a cloud of dust. A guttural cry escaped his lips into the silence, and he fell onto his knees. Like a tsunami bursting through a dam, his grief blasted its way through everything, catching his memories in a debris filled whirlpool.
He bent forward, resting his forehead against his two clenched fists outstretched and sobbed, crying like he hadn't since he was nine years old and his father told him, with tears in his own eyes, that his mother wasn't ever coming back. This hurt worse, he reckoned. There was more room in an adult heart, more places to break and bleed.
He stayed there, crumpled, for hours, crying until he felt his insides had turned outward, and he was completely empty. His mother leaving had done the same, only this, this emptiness burned with the haunting tease of the memory of what being full had felt like, excruciatingly unbearable now that it had been taken away.
It had to have been the middle of the night by the time he had the energy to raise his head from the floor. Even then, he crawled on his hands and knees to his bedroom, ripping at his sweatshirt as his bruised body throbbed, and fell into bed with the rest of his clothes on. But sleep was absent. He was still surrounded by her scent, the ghost of her presence beside him in their bed.
Living the life he had chosen had left him desperately hopeless before—never more so than being cuffed in the back of the transport, fresh from witnessing his father die in his arms, knowing there was no one left to save them.
His sister had proved him wrong then.
This time, his sister had caused a serious car crash on purpose because she believed Sarah was beyond saving. And as hard as he'd tried, to the point of offering himself to be killed by her rather than hurt her, she didn't remember. She was unreachable. Like Casey had said, sounding as sad as Chuck had ever heard him, Sarah was gone.
She believed him, she had said, but she didn't remember. Subsequently turning her back and walking away, taking the largest part of him with her. The cold detachment on her face as she had spoken had blown a hole through him, opening a wound that continued to bleed his strength away.
Now there was truly no one left to save them.
July 9, 2012
Oak Park, Illinois
"Morgan!" Ellie said, pulling him into a bear hug as she opened the door for him. "Alex," she said, moving on to the young woman at his side.
Chuck and Sarah sat together on Ellie's sofa, quietly sipping their morning coffee away from the crazy breakfast table with Mary, Ellie, Devon, and Clara. There was hubbub at the door, as luggage was pulled inside and greetings offered.
Had it only been five days since he had seen his friend last? He felt like he's aged ten years in between. He leaned his head over his shoulder, as his arm was stretched over the top of the sofa behind Sarah's head. "Buddy! Long time no see," he called amicably.
Morgan walked into the room, excited, "Hey, Chuck, how's it...going," dying on his lips as he saw Sarah, very pregnant. His blue eyes wide, his mouth hanging open, he regarded his best friend and his wife. "You're pregnant!" He looked at Chuck, who stood slowly. "Chuck, Sarah's pregnant!" He moved closer. "Sarah is really pregnant. I can't believe this! This is amazing!"
He grabbed Chuck in a bear hug, Sarah watching Chuck smile over his shoulder. "Hi Morgan," she called from the sofa. Chuck pulled her up by her hand, and she embraced him, albeit slightly awkwardly.
"And you guys are back together?" Morgan said, a hand on each of their shoulders.
"We were never apart, not like you mean," she said, watching Chuck's shocked expression as she said it. "Chuck never gave up, even when he thought I did," she said, resting her head on his shoulder. Morgan watched him, lean in and kiss her forehead, closing his eyes tightly, as her words washed over him.
Morgan gestured for Alex to join them. "Sarah, do you remember Alex?" Morgan asked her, pointedly, since he knew for a fact Sarah had forgotten Alex's existence while the Intersect was misfiring.
"I do. It's nice to see you again," Sarah said, reaching for her and hugging her.
Chuck scanned Alex's finger, noting the absence of said ring. His eyes went back and forth between Alex's hand and Morgan's face. He gestured behind Sarah's back, questioning whether he had not asked, or some other reason why they weren't engaged. Morgan made a slashing motion across his throat, then shook his head vehemently, before it turned into a wide smile as Alex turned back to him.
"Congratulations, guys. This is great," Alex said genially.
"Is Casey here yet?" Morgan asked them.
"Due momentarily," Chuck said. Morgan made another silent gesture, spreading his arm wide, indicating Casey's absence was the reason why no ring was on Alex's finger yet.
The four of them moved into the kitchen. "Dude, whatever this mission is, we are doing it sans Sarah, no?" he whispered to Chuck. "I mean, how's that work? We never did anything without Sarah, Dude, like, ever. Well, that one time with the Gobbler. But that was different. Do you think we can?"
"Don't worry, ok? We've got this," Chuck said, although inside he felt some of the same.
XXX
"Hey, John," Chuck said warmly, reaching for the bulky man's hand and giving it a warm shake. "I can't thank you enough for offering—"
"Easy, Bartowski. I just managed to harden up again from that last stint," he said with a tight grin.
Chuck looked at the floor, one corner of his mouth turned up. "How're things with Gertrude?" he asked. He received what Chuck referred internally to as grunt number ten, which he interpreted as pretty good.
"How much has Walker remembered? Since the last time I saw you two?" he asked, as they stood alone in Ellie's living room.
"A lot, actually. A whole lot. An entire binder full. My sister's been working with her, you know, since she left in February," he said.
"That's not all your sister's been doing, huh, Bartowski?" he said, his eyes opening only slightly to indicate his surprise for all that surrounded him here.
"Don't get me started, Casey. I wasn't happy about it. She kept a lot from me. Put herself in danger, you know, after everything she went through with me," he fretted.
"She's trying to help you, Bartowski. Don't you get that? You just told me how much better Walker is. She wouldn't be without Ellie doing this. Remember that, Chuck," he said.
"I know," he sighed. "It's just a lot, all at once, you know?" he said.
Chuck bent sideways, gesturing at his wife as the group of people cleared and she was in full view.
"Holy crap, Bartowski! Walker's pregnant?" he exclaimed, his blue eyes widening ever so slightly, indicating, at least in John, utter amazement.
"Thank you, Captain Obvious," he quipped.
"That's Colonel, idiot," he shot back. Chuck smiled at the gentle ribbing. "So she really was pregnant in Florida, wasn't she?" he asked, but said it as a fact. "Congratulations, Bartowski," he grumbled, fully aware it was more complicated than it appeared.
As Casey walked towards them, to greet the others, Chuck couldn't help but smile. "I missed you, man," he called loudly, a wide, genuine smile on his face.
July 9, 2012
Longfellow Park, Oak Park, Illinois
Summer made the early morning air heavy, cloying on Mary's clothes as she made her way to the playground. Insects made buzzing sounds in the air, and birds were chirping softly in the trees and bushes on either side of the trail she walked on. She saw them, seated side by side, on a bench under a tree, past the playground, just where she had told them to be.
She smiled as she approached them, trying to be as disarming as possible. "Hello," she said, smiling as she neared. "Thank you for coming. I know you are taking a huge chance, coming here. But I wanted to let you know as much as I can, what we know."
Hartley looked sick, anxious, so distressed and uncomfortable Mary felt sorry for him. What heartened her was the way Vivian sat with him, close, a comforting arm on his shoulder. The year they had spent together after running away must have done them good, she thought. She sighed, happy for at least this remnant of hope out of the tragedy that had befallen them. Mary reminded herself, not for the first time, to not stare too long at Vivian, which she could, because looking at Vivian was like traveling back in time and looking at her best friend.
"My Dad told me about you, and your husband, and my mother. Everything that he remembers from all of that. Just so you know, Mary," Vivian said gently. "My father's upset, as you could imagine," she added.
Mary stepped forward, grabbed Hartley's hand, feeling how he seemed to shake. "Look, Mary, I need to cut to the chase. I know what you told me, after Charles brought me back with him to Burbank. That she was probably dead, but that you had no proof, and you'd never stopped looking. How do you know she's still alive?"
"One of my contacts spotted her in Romania. We have the surveillance photos. There is no doubt. The scar on her right hand was visible in the photo," she told him.
"Scar?" he asked, curious but confused.
"You really have no memory of anything after you downloaded it, do you?" she asked.
"Should I?" he asked sharply.
"You were still, well, you, for almost four years before it was too late. Those memories are all gone too?" she asked.
"I didn't remember Vivian at all. She was born after I downloaded it. It erased every part of my old identity," he said.
She shook her head, realizing this made sense, but troubled nonetheless. "Mitya Poshenko put a knife through her hand, while you were in the process of rescuing her from his compound. It was shaped like a half moon, just like in the photo."
"Tell me what happened to her. The part that I don't remember," he asked, full of dread.
"She lived with you in Moscow. You were supposed to be dismantling Poshenko's network with her. You were married, and you were partners. She had Vivian in 1984. But you gradually got worse, after the Intersect you downloaded. She would call me, describing how odd you were acting. She was psy-ops. She knew something was wrong, but the CIA did nothing about it. They listened once she had proof that you were taking over for Poshenko, rather than trying to take him down. But by then it was too late. You sent Vivian to England. She shot you, and escaped. You have a scar from a bullet wound, on the left side of your chest, from that," Mary said seriously.
She watched his hand reach up, trace the scar under his shirt, shaking his head in disbelief. He had tears in his eyes when he looked back up. Mary continued, "That's what she told me, the last time she talked to me. It was a very short call, and there was more that I wanted to ask, that I never got the chance. Steven sent a program to her, that she was supposed to use to remove the Intersect. She never got the chance, but we know the program was run. There's a chance she may have it. And that's why she disappeared."
"She thinks she's a different person, like I did?" he asked skeptically.
"There's something you don't know. Chuck got himself and his team ejected from the CIA after the whole Norseman incident. Long story short, Sarah downloaded a faulty version of the Intersect in order to help save my son from someone who'd kidnapped him. It erased her memory, Hartley. To the point where she almost killed Chuck. You know how much she loved him," Mary said softly.
"Oh my God," he breathed in shock. "What a horrible tragedy. My God, Mary, are they-"
"They're having a baby. My daughter's been working night and day helping her to regain her memories. She actually is the foremost expert in the world on the Intersect now. If Corrine downloaded that program, there's a very good chance she doesn't know who she is. Or maybe missing other vital information about her life. Chuck is going with his team to extricate her," Mary explained.
"His wife is expecting. This can't happen again. Stephen wasted his whole life, trying to undo that mistake, the one I begged him for when it wasn't ready. Are we doomed to keep passing this down to our children, and their children? When does it end?" he lamented.
"It ends here, when we find her. My daughter knows what to do. Restore Corrine to as close to normal as she could be. It will end, I swear to you. You know what my son is capable of. He can do it, I know he can," she swore.
Tears flowing freely, held up by his daughter's arms, he whispered, "She shot me. God in heaven, what did I do to her to drive her to that?"
"She knew it wasn't really you, no matter what happened. She knew that you loved her, that you would never hurt her, that you would have traded your life for hers. She knew that." She paused, letting him absorb what she said.
"I asked you to be here for her. If she knew you were you again, that Volkoff was gone for good, then, everything will be fine. That was all she ever wanted. You," Mary affirmed.
He wished he could believe her, but he didn't.
July 9, 2012
Oak Park, Illinois
Morgan sat next to Chuck on Ellie's sofa. "So, Dude, that's a lot to process," Morgan said, shaking his head slowly. "Is everything ok, you know, really ok?"
"She doesn't remember everything, but she remembers enough. She said she loves me anyway," he said softly. Chuck and Morgan both looked over at her, talking with Alex in the kitchen. Morgan saw the look Sarah gave him, the moment she felt Chuck's eyes on her.
"I know that look, Chuck. It was gone for a while, but it's the same. Thank God," he said with emphasis. "So what's eating you? Something is up, I can tell."
"Mostly my sister, I think. Would you ever think in your wildest dreams that she would be doing something like this?" he asked.
"On the surface, no. She hated that stuff. But if I think about it long enough, I know why. Do you remember being in Casey's hospital room, when he was on the ventilator? Remember that conversation? She's holding herself to her words then. Anything for family. All she wanted to do was help Sarah. And I think you can at least admit that your sister is probably the only one who could?" he expounded.
"She knew Sarah was pregnant for a long time, and she didn't tell me that either. I understand why, for a lot of reasons, but it still hurts. We used to tell each other everything, you know?" he said sadly.
"Can you tell me how you would have felt if Ellie did tell you, while Sarah was gone? What you would have done?" Morgan asked.
"I would have gone after her," Chuck admitted to himself, understanding it for the first time. He had promised to let her go, but the baby would have changed everything.
"And if she was still, you know, lost at that time, you could have put her off, you know, with the sad puppy eyes and all. Not that sad puppy eyes weren't called for in that particular situation, but you know what I mean," Morgan said, mumbling the last few words.
"Sarah still has the Intersect, Morgan," Chuck said, suddenly serious, changing the subject, as he felt the need to tell his friend something that troubled him so much.
"Oh, no, Dude. The one that melted my brain?" he exclaimed.
"More or less, yes," he said. "She hasn't flashed at all. Ellie's trying to figure out why. But she thinks she can figure it all out. Get Sarah completely back to normal," he said.
"Best possible outcome, Chuck. She can do it. Your sister is one of the smartest people I know, next to you, of course."
"So what's with the proposal? What happened?" Chuck asked, quickly changing the subject.
"It took forever for John to get back in touch with me. Once he did, I asked him to come here, to help, you know. I can do that later, once this is all done," Morgan said.
Nothing but faith in his friend, that if something needed to be finished, that Chuck could finish it.
XXX
Beckman signed off, the plan being set in place. Chuck, Casey, and Morgan were to report to Bucharest to the last known location of said MI6 agent and extract her. Alex and Sarah were remaining behind, with Ellie, to figure out the Intersect.
"Chuck, that information I requested on Captain Dunwoody came through late last night. I thought you all should hear this," Ellie said pointedly.
"Vicky?" Casey asked. "What does that have to do with anything?"
"She was the only other woman who downloaded the Intersect. Her impulsive and reckless behavior while under its influence played a part in the project being disbanded, as you know, John," Ellie explained. He grunted in reply.
"Chuck, she was on administrative leave for six months after the Intersect was removed. The files were redacted, but Beckman got them declassified for me. She had frequent bouts of memory loss, at one point forgetting how to load her firearm during a training exercise that got another agent seriously wounded," she explained. "But her memory came back, and she's back on active duty again with no deleterious effects. With almost no intervention."
"That's good news, right?" Chuck asked hopefully.
"Remember, Chuck, she had the prototype they built from Dad's laptop. Sarah has the defective version, but I think I have a theory. I will figure this out while you're gone. Just go find Corrine and bring her back safely," she said.
XXX
Sarah and Chuck stood together in Ellie's living room, the last quiet moment before he was due to leave. "I haven't been a spy for a while, Sarah. I hope it's like riding a bicycle," he said quietly.
"Don't worry, Chuck. You're one of the best, you always were," she said, reaching for both of his hands.
"I learned from the best, so, if you think that, I owe it to you," he said.
"I don't think it, I know it," she said gently.
"No matter what, going without you, I'll never get used to," he said, pulling her into his arms and holding her.
"I was in Russia, without you, wasn't I?" she asked, still as a question, but sounding almost certain.
"Trying to get my mother away from Volkoff," he explained, knowing she was remembering that awful separation before they were engaged. "That was the longest stretch of time we were ever apart, once we were together." He left out the most recent separation.
"Come back safe. Then we will never be apart again, I promise," she whispered, and kissed him.
February 4, 2011
The Contessa
"Chuck, take Morgan and go!" Sarah screamed, sensing his overpowering hesitation at leaving his mother behind with Volkoff. "I am not leaving here without your mother, not after everything. Go finish what you started. You have to go now, or you won't have time!" She almost pushed him away, as he appeared frozen in place.
"I can't just leave you," he said fretfully.
"You have to," she said quickly. "Trust me, Chuck. I'll get her out. You can't finish Volkoff once and for all unless you go, for your plan to work."
She knew he could, that he would. There was no doubt in her mind that he, by himself, could take down Alexei Volkoff. His doubt evaporated like steam, the fire inside him raging. He ran to her, pulled her close, and kissed her. "I love you," he said vehemently, then turned and ran with Morgan.
And she ran back into the fire, to do what she had promised.