CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Too much
I had to make up
Too bad
I break what I touch
"Wake Up"
Mackintosh Braun
July 13, 2012
Oak Park, Illinois
"Sarah!" Mary called, hurrying to the sofa with her arms outstretched to her daughter-in-law. "I heard the good news. I'm so happy everything worked out." Sarah bent into the hug, staying seated on the sofa.
"Me too," she said with a smile. "I just wish Chuck were here," she added softly, a wistful sadness visible in her eyes. "Ellie knew what to do."
"Stephen made the right choice, leaving the problem for her to solve. He knew she could figure it out, and she did. Let's just hope she can finally finish it once and for all, and finally put all this to rest," she said, sitting beside Sarah on the sofa. So discordant, Sarah knew how much damage all of this had done to Chuck's family, and was still continuing to do so, driving wedges between them over the secrets and lies. Resentful, for all the trouble they had dealt with they had no part in causing.
"Chuck still has it, Mary. And there's no way to remove it from him, from what I was told. He has that watch your husband made for him, but it's still potentially eating away at his brain." She sat forward slightly, rubbing her elbows with her hands, understanding in the moment how this information bothered her. She hated the accusatory tone, knowing it was partly because she just missed him as much as she did.
"Chuck's brain can handle that better than anyone else on the planet. Stephen knew that, and Ellie proved he was right," Mary argued.
"I know that. But your husband didn't want him to have it. He was never meant to have it his whole life. Do you honestly think Stephen would be ok with him, just being an Intersect for the rest of his life?" she asked, more harshly than she intended. With all of her memories back, the tendency for Sarah and Mary to delve into conflict increased.
"No, you're right, Sarah. He wouldn't. I'm hoping Ellie can eventually devise a way to remove it from him. Maybe the last thing she does before she stops working for the CIA. I don't know," Mary sighed, crossing her own arms and looking away.
Confused, Sarah turned to her mother-in-law. "Ellie has a way. She rebuilt the file from your husband's laptop. She needs to remove it from me. That's what all this is about," Sarah said, gesturing toward Ellie's closed office door.
Stricken, Mary jumped to her feet. "What do you mean, she rebuilt it?" she asked imperatively.
Surprised at the reaction, Sarah was speechless for a moment. "She didn't tell you? I know she said Bentley and Beckman don't know, but-"
"Why not?" Mary yelled, understanding in the same instant that raising her voice at Sarah was misplaced.
"She never told me why, other than I have a suspicion that she doesn't completely trust Jane Bentley, which I can't say I blame her for. I mean, do you honestly think that they have no ulterior motive? That they just want to prove that it should be abandoned? After all the lies and duplicity? Really?" Sarah questioned sharply.
"Bentley got demoted for her role in that Intersect debacle the last time. I don't know all of the details, but she had to work very hard to get that position back. In her own way, she's been trying to figure the Intersect out once and for all. Can she accept what Ellie's findings seem to indicate? I don't honestly know. But a rogue program puts everything at risk," Mary said direly.
"She's trying to remove it, not create another Intersect. Maybe I just don't understand," Sarah said, almost to herself.
Mary looked at her, her face softening only for a moment. "I forgot you missed a lot of that briefing. The version Stephen had on his laptop. The one that Chuck opened with the password? Bentley modified that program before Captain Noble and Captain Dunwoody downloaded it. She was in possession of the ability to completely remove the downloads, with a variation to the program. That program was destroyed when Vivian hired that man to kill Chuck and the Intersect room exploded."
In full possession of her memories, Sarah knew what she was talking about, and nodded, to urge her to continue. "But the laptop was no longer stored in Castle at that point. The original data was there. Bentley knew that," Mary said.
"Ellie said there were unknowns involved, right? Manoosh and Quinn. And the reverse engineering from the burnt out Fulcrum one. If there are outliers somewhere-" Sarah queried, gesturing with an open hand.
"Sarah, it has something to do with Daniel Shaw," Mary said emphatically, almost flinching as the words came out.
Her eyebrows raising far up on her forehead, Sarah stammered, "What about Daniel Shaw? He's in solitary confinement somewhere. And Chuck removed his Intersect with the virus."
"There was a connection between him and the suppression devices the U.S. government was in possession of. That's the real reason why Beckman scrubbed all that info out of the record," Mary admitted, covering her mouth with her hand.
"Right, Shaw was blackmailing Decker. But Decker is dead," Sarah insisted.
"It went beyond Decker. Beckman knew that. I think Bentley knows it too, but she never said anything during any briefing I ever attended with my daughter," Mary announced. Sarah wondered why she was only hearing this now, knowing Mary had lived her whole life as a spy, and keeping things hidden was just part of what she did. It wasn't always easy to just stop acting that way.
"So why is she not telling Ellie the whole truth? And how do you know, if they don't?" Sarah asked bluntly.
"I still have connections that the CIA isn't fully aware of. Bentley's hiding something. Only why, I don't know," Mary said fretfully.
"So Ellie rebuilt the advanced program, is that what you're saying? The one that has the capability of removing or uploading?" Sarah said, as she seemed to begin to understand.
"Where is it? In the lab?" Mary asked, stopping her pacing in front of Sarah.
"She downloaded it here. On the computer in her office. She and Alex are testing it today," Sarah said plainly, still not comprehending Mary's discomfiture.
"If Beckman and Bentley don't know there's another active file, there's no one who knows it needs protecting. There are a lot of very bad people who have been looking for this technology for a long time. In a government facility is one thing. The home office computer where my two-year-old granddaughter lives is entirely another. What was she thinking?" Mary hissed to herself.
Defending her sister-in-law, Sarah spoke up. "Probably that it was very temporary. She only meant to use it on me. It's the testing that's holding things up. She wants to be certain she won't cause any stress to me or the baby." Taking a deep breath, Sarah pressed, "If it was that dangerous, then why are you so in favor of both of them doing this work?"
"She needs to let Beckman know, right now, what she did," Mary insisted, ignoring what Sarah said, walking away briskly towards Ellie's office. She knocked on the door and entered after being called in.
Ellie and Alex both looked frazzled, bent over the computer. Ellie sat at the keyboard, while Alex, her hair pulled back into a bun secured with a pencil stuck through it, was checking the back of the processor, jiggling cord connections. She unplugged then replugged several different cords, nodding to Ellie as she did so.
Before she could admonish her daughter, Ellie spoke up first. "The server crashed. I can't load the file, I can't load the software. It froze and now I can't access anything. This has never happened before, Mom," Ellie flustered.
Something she couldn't quite explain twisting her insides, Mary said to Ellie, slowly, and forcing the calm into her voice, "You need to get General Beckman on the phone. Right now."
July 13, 2012
Sebes, Romania
Chuck was driving the van, Corrine seated in the passenger seat next to him. Morgan and Casey were in the back, running simulations with the diagrams of the compound. Chuck could hear the soft undulations of their conversation over the humming of the vehicle as it careened along the deserted stretch of highway through the stark Romanian countryside, snow-capped mountains visible off in the distance.
"Do you mind if I ask you about something?" Chuck asked her.
"Of course not, Charles. Go ahead," she said softly.
"The way my mother described it, Hartley permanently turning into Volkoff was gradual, right? But what happened? I'm just trying to understand how he ended up disavowed by the CIA and my mother and father having to go underground. I mean I know, after all, but the day to day specifics are blurry. It just seems like there were plenty of opportunities to stop it before it started, you know?" he said, glancing between her and the road.
She looked out the window at the trees whizzing by, blips of green and brown that her tired eyes couldn't focus on directly. As day slowly faded into twilight, the reflection from inside the van on the window competed in her mind's eye for dominance in her field of vision. Her own reflection troubled her, how haggard and old she thought she looked. This life had taken so much out of her, so much from her, and she felt like she was looking at a stranger.
If she actually lived long enough to see his face again, his true face, not the evil grimace of the persona that had harmed her so thoroughly, she wondered what he would think of how she looked now. Hartley, who had ended up just as much of a prisoner of Volkoff as she had become, had last seen her when she was young, no careworn creases in her porcelain skin. She had seen pictures of Volkoff, very sparsely over the years, so she knew how time had changed his face and his body. The thought of looking in his eyes again, and actually seeing the compassion glowing there steeled her perseverance. She vowed to live long enough to see it, even if it ended up being the last thing she ever saw.
April 15, 1978
Holland Park, London, England
The air was fresh with the scent of spring as they walked, side by side, through a gently winding path that spiraled within a shrubbery maze. The tips of the trees were a pale yellowish green, the promise of new leaves beautifully juxtaposed to colorful spring flowers that bloomed in between the green bushes. Yesterday it had rained, but this morning was crisp and clear, the sun bright and gently warming.
Corrine's light aqua dress fluttered in the breeze, lifting from her knees and billowing out softly. The dress was long sleeved, but the wind was brisk, and she inadvertently shivered. They were close enough that her dress brushed against his pant leg, but not touching, until he saw her react to the cold. He touched her hand, gently, without actually taking it in his own, to indicate he wanted her to stop. He pulled at his gray tweed jacket, lifting it to lay it gently across her shoulders. She pulled it tight around her, holding it closed at the center of her chest. The cloud of scent, his cologne and something else that was just inexplicably Hartley to her, enveloped her in a dizzying rush. She wished, not for the first time, that it wasn't just his jacket wrapped around her.
She stopped, watching two gray squirrels chasing each other across the path. They scampered back and forth, running, at one point almost running towards them, almost oblivious to their presence. Hartley actually stepped out of the way as they skittered by and disappeared into a shrub. "Such cute little things, don't you think?" he finally spoke, breaking the long silence that had ensued all the time they were walking.
"Absolutely darling," she replied, her smile brilliant as she looked over her shoulder at him. He shifted uncomfortably, lowering his eyes to the ground. Embarrassed, she thought. He was embarrassed that he was talking about squirrels with her. She could only imagine what he was thinking-and hated that he did. How many times had he belittled himself when speaking to her, thinking her more worldly and sophisticated. She had tried, so many times, to let him know what she admired about him. The list went on and on. He was intelligent, caring, compassionate, and charmingly sweet in the shyest way. He had been terrified to work with her, MI6, and Mary and the CIA, but had volunteered to do it, because he knew he could do good for the world.
They had taken this walk in the first place because she had wanted to tell him MI6 was sending her on another assignment, and she would be away for several months before she returned. They were close, and talked frequently, and she had felt in the instant she accepted that she would miss him while she was away. She had never felt that sensation, that crack opening up inside her at the thought of not seeing him every day. Now, looking at his discomposure, she knew there was more she needed to tell him. So much more.
"Now you're cold," she said quietly, watching as he tucked both hands into his pants pockets.
A smile twitched at the corner of his mouth, but he looked back at the ground, the intensity in her eyes suddenly overwhelming him. "Oh, no, really, it's-"
He never got to finish. She stepped forward, wrapping both arms around his waist and pressing her body along the length of him. Lifting onto the tips of her toes to reach his considerable height, she kissed him. Obviously surprised and taken aback, he did nothing at first. But it only lasted a few seconds, before he responded. It took a long time before he felt like he was back, standing in the garden with her, when she eventually pulled her lips away from his.
"Corrine," he said, still breathless. It was more question than statement, and he missed how it sounded, as all he could really hear was his own heart beating.
"I'm sorry if that was too forward of me. I just didn't think you would ever do something like that, and I wanted you to know," she said, her arms still holding him.
"Know what?" he asked, worried that she could feel how nervous he was, in such close contact with his body.
"That I'm going to miss you terribly. MI6 is sending me on a mission. I'll be gone for a few months," she said regretfully.
One look in his crestfallen eyes and she knew, in that instant, that he felt something for her. It made her own heart start racing, so glad she hadn't imagined that he was even the slightest bit attracted to her. "But I'm coming back. It would be wonderful if I could come back to something. Come back to us."
He seemed to react quickly, qualmish in the directness of her words. "I…I…"
She took one hand and reached up for his chin, turning his head so she could see his face. "I want us to be together," she whispered. "Please tell me that I'm not wishing for that in vain. That you care as much for me as I care for you."
"Corrine, I love you," he blurted, his face flushing almost scarlet, burning under her fingers.
She was glad she was holding onto him, as she felt her knees almost give out. God, swooning? she thought to herself in recrimination. It was only a blip, and then it was gone, because in that moment nothing else mattered. He loves you. She knew it had taken all of his courage to say that to her.
"Oh, Hartley. You do? You really do?" she whispered in amazement.
"I've never said that in my life. I've certainly never felt it before. But I'm sure that I do." This time he kissed her, taking her breath and the last of her strength away, so that she did actually lean against him, needing his arm behind her back to hold her up. It didn't matter that they were in a public garden, or that she could hear people scoffing at them as they passed, prim and proper British citizens that were disgusted with public displays of emotion. Nothing else mattered but him.
"I love you," she whispered in his ear, right before she laid her head against his chest, sinking into a comforting embrace.
It made leaving harder, but coming back safely that much more imperative.
July 13, 2012
Sebes, Romania
She swallowed down the sadness that suddenly flooded her insides, knowing how very far away what she had just thought of had actually been, and all the terrible tragedy that had befallen them in between then and now. Could it ever be that way again?
Focusing on her surroundings again, the confines of the van, she realized how quiet it had become. A quick glance in the rearview mirror revealed Morgan and Casey, both lightly asleep, propped up in their chairs. It made her feel her own fatigue, uncertain of how long it had been since she'd actually slept. Charles, too, driving no less, had to be just as tired. Adrenaline and caffeine, she knew, were sometimes the only option for pushing forward when time was of the essence.
She continued talking. "I ignored the signs, at the beginning. I saw things, noticed things, but it was easier to convince myself that nothing was wrong, you know. There was always a logical explanation. Until I was standing in front of a soulless stranger. Too much time had passed, and by that point the CIA was more worried about being implicated than in helping him," she mumbled.
"It's hard, you know, to accept something as terrible as that. It's easier to stay in denial. I know I did," he said with a soft sigh. Glancing at her out of the corner of his eye, he continued, "I actually think I noticed how different she was right away, deep down. How can you love someone that much and not notice that they're only pretending to feel the same? But that's just it, you know. You love them. I couldn't accept what she was doing in front of my own eyes."
"Exactly, Charles. I remember once, in the middle of the night, I woke up, groggy. He was touching me, just, you know, his arm across my waist, touching my chin. But I remember looking at him in the dark, thinking quickly that he was someone else. That I was sleeping next to a total stranger. Hartley had such a mild manner, such kind and genial eyes. There was a...brutality that made its way to the surface, and snuffed out all of that. I can't even begin to describe to you what that was like." Her hands folded and unfolded in her lap several times nervously. She wove the folded hem of her tunic in between her fingers, crushing them together.
Understanding, as he heard the stress grating her voice, he stayed quiet, not wishing to embarrass her by speaking of something so intimate. It made him think, though reaching back for those memories was like putting his hand through shattered glass. The time in between Sarah's return and the point where he was certain his wife had never actually returned had been less than one day. What if it had been longer? Would Sarah have acted that way? He had to remind himself, at that point she still believed his feelings for her weren't real either. Behaving like a spy and thinking like a spy had taken over again. She might not have rationalized how differently from her norm she would comport herself, in an intimate situation. He knew this, because she had told him so, after those first few hours in the hotel room in Paris. He knew for certain he would have known, in no time at all, if something intimate had actually transpired, remembering that conversation with a flush of heat, how she had described the difference, to put him at ease back then. He shuddered inside at the thought.
Chuck had spent significant time with her husband, a meek and unassuming man, hardly the cold-blooded killer who'd held a gun to his head in his father's cabin. They were like opposite sides of the same coin. It didn't really make sense to him that those changes had been so subtle that he had gone undetected for four years. But Chuck had been guilty of the same thing, knowing she was hiding the glasses from him, yet still trusting her unobserved to upload the virus into the Intersect computer, which she had faked, then almost killed them all. Just one look to check what she was doing, all of that could have been avoided. But as he'd told Morgan and Casey afterward, he did know. He'd just been too afraid to admit the truth to himself.
"Sometimes the hardest person to convince is yourself," Chuck pontificated.
"Very true, Charles," she said sadly. "Although, why do I feel like, as similar as we seem to have experienced things, that your situation was very different?"
"She was manipulated, used by Nicholas Quinn, to get to me," he said quietly, surprised at the anger that still burned just under the surface. "Made it so she didn't remember me at all. She tried to kill me, too."
"At least you understand then," she said in sympathy, very quietly. "Who else in the world could know, what it feels like, to see death coming at you on the face of someone you would have given your own life to save?"
Blinking away tears, he added, "Once she knew I was telling the truth, it was different. But that was over six months ago, and that phone call you heard yesterday was the last bit of her memory coming back. It's been very difficult."
"You said Hartley has no memory of what he did when he was Volkoff. Although I'm sure he can read. He figured out what he did. He just doesn't remember doing it. He lost so many years, but in a way, I think, it makes it easier. Why should he have to remember atrocities he committed, when he doesn't have any recollection of actually doing any of it?" She folded her arms tightly across her chest, crossing her legs and shifting in the seat.
"Sarah's was different. She remembered things from the past, but she never forgot what she did while she didn't have them all." Corrine could only see half of his face, but the grim line that his mouth changed to was unmistakable.
"It sounds better, on the surface, doesn't it? Until you realize how she must feel now, remembering your whole life together and remembering all the things she did to hurt you at the same time. It must be very difficult for her." She leaned her head against the headrest, focusing on him and not looking away. She sensed this was a very sore spot, but that he needed to get off his chest.
Tremulous in tone, his voice wavered as he finally spoke after a prolonged silence. "The worst thing she did to me was leave. That hurt worse than any punch in the head or kick in the ribs. I still don't know how long she would have waited to reach out to me, if General Beckman hadn't found out where she was. Even though my sister knew the whole time and didn't tell me."
"It was complicated, wasn't it Charles?" she asked.
"Of course it was. It always is." His acrimony was almost like another presence, seated in the van between them.
Complicated indeed, she thought in sympathy.
July 13, 2012
Oak Park, Illinois
"Mom, what's going on?" Ellie asked, pulling her attention away from the mangled mess that her computer had become.
"Why didn't you tell anyone you have a functioning Intersect program?" Mary blasted her.
Ellie looked appropriately chastised, avoiding eye contact with her mother. "It was only to remove it from Sarah. Once I knew for certain she still has it. The minute she has the baby, she's in danger of flashing again. And her version erases memories."
Mary sighed. "I know, Ellie. But it has the power to do more than that. You're thinking with your good intentions. It can be easily corrupted, as your father learned the hard way. I thought you understood that too, Ellie."
"It's not just Sarah, Mom. It's Chuck too," Ellie said, her eyes sullen. "He only downloaded it to save all those people. Dad would have wanted me to help get it out of his head. He's about to have a family. I want him to be able to move on from this, and have a normal life. I'm the only one who can do that for him."
"Beckman and Bentley knowing was a way to keep you protected. Hiding it from them-"
"It's the only way I can do this. I'm afraid once they know, I'll lose control over it. I know just because they made a promise they aren't bound to it, if orders come from somewhere else," Ellie insisted.
Understanding her daughter's motives, Mary thought quickly. "Then you need to run it for Sarah. Right now. Call Beckman, and destroy the file. In that order. That way, Sarah's fine, the file is gone, and you're protected from any defarious goals from people outside of this."
"I can't run anything, Mom. It was running super slow, and now it's crashed completely," she said in exasperation.
A nagging worry eating away at her stomach, Mary thought something was very wrong. "This is a government server. It shouldn't be behaving this way. Damn it, your brother could fix this if he were here," she cursed, almost to herself.
"Wait a minute," Alex called from behind the computer. "Isn't there a Buy More in Oak Park? Can you call the Nerd Herd?"
"I can't do that, can I?" Ellie asked, suddenly unsure.
"They wouldn't be accessing any classified information. We need someone to reconnect the server to the mainframe. For crying out loud, if Jeff and Lester could figure out that Omen virus, can't a normal computer technician do that?" Alex asked, her hands akimbo on her waist in irritation.
Feeling like they had run out of options, Mary thought that was probably their best shot, since time had become of the essence. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but make the call, Alex. Computer emergency."