The Holidays! Part 2 out of 3 (This is New)

! WARNING !

- There will be some sensitive topics in this chapter. If you don't want to read it, you can skip this chapter!

- Dipper's POV -

"I feel like, I should have gotten you a gift..." I turned my gaze over to him. He was staring at me with a nervous look.

"You already have, you don't need to." I said.

"You sureee?" He said, his nervousness disappearing.

"I'm sure." I said, nodding.

"... Hmmm... I feel like I need to." He said.

"You don't, Kahlil." I said, giving him a look.

"I think otherwise." He said. I sighed. He doesn't know when to quit. I felt his arms wrapped around my torso before he landed a kiss on my cheek. I blushed a bit as he leaned back with a smile, looking at me. I stared at him with an unfazed expression. Is that it? "You wanted more than that?" He asked quietly.

"... Maybe?" I answered, shrugging slightly.

"Alright ... looks like I have to settle you down.~" He said, smirking.

"... What do you mean?" I said, confusion spread across my face.

"... Don't you want some more from me?" He asked.

"... I don't know." I answered, sensing all of the weird feelings come back to me. I actually don't know if ... I want this.

"What do you feel like having now?" He asked.

"... I don't-"

"And don't say "I don't know." Say what you feeling like doing, explain it." He said, interrupting me. But, how do I describe something that just sums up all of this? 'I don't know' describes it.

"That's ... going to be difficult. Mainly because of these mixed feelings I'm feeling right now. I don't know what they all sum up to. Maybe I'm afraid of what will happen or it's just that I can't let myself be free of doing it. I don't know why I need to worry about it all. I know you're not going to do anything without my consent. I know that. But ... I still don't know why this fear is not ... is not ... i-is not disappearing." I whimpered, tears welling in my eyes.

"... Dipper-"

"I want to do the things with you without worrying about any of the consequences. I want to be able to do it without feeling fear." I said quietly, lowering my head as I wipe away my tears.

"Hey, it's alright-"

"Everything is not alright with me!" I said, raising my voice as I glare up at him. "Everything is not okay-"

"Shhhhhh. I get it." He said softly, placing a hand on my cheek. "I know it's not okay with what you are feeling. But knowing with one part of this, no one is here to judge you. There's nothing here that will ruin it. So, it's-"

"It's not. I know you're trying to help, but do you really understand what I experience?" I asked as tears came back in my eyes.

"... I try to!" He answered, looking a bit annoyed.

"Then saying it's okay is not helping." I said, before pulling away from him.

"Dipper!"

"Don't say it, I don't want to hear it." I hissed, walking away from him. I stormed off, walking on a different branch as I hope he wouldn't find me. I crush my fists, holding them by my side. Everything within me is not fine, it will never be fine if my brain is all messy and wacky with these thoughts and feelings. I glared at the tree bark before rushing over to it. I soon punch it before flinching back in response to the pain in my hand. Ow... okay don't punch a tree out of anger. I shook it before rubbing it. I stared down at my hand, staring at the minor wounds.

I put my painful hand in the jacket pocket, holding it there. I sighed and looked over at the glowy moss, reflecting light off of itself. I frowned as guilt started to trail upon me. I shouldn't get mad at him... it's not his fault. I guess ... emotions came over me and I decided to lash out. I looked over at the mossy den, staring at it. I walked over, approaching it. I entered it, crouching down on the ground as it was soft. I moved my hand across the surface, giving me confusion. I soon sat down on it as it felt almost like a bed. A comfortable bed.

That's ... weird. I kept the frown on my face, leaning back as my head fell into my hoodie. I pulled it over my head before closing my eyes. Maybe ... I should just relax and forget it all. ... Though, forcing myself to forget about it is bad. Maybe I should just apologize for my behavior. Yeah. I should. I ended up lying there for a good minute, two minutes, or ... just 20 minutes. I don't know how long it's been since I moved a muscle, and at the same time, I don't want to move. I almost fell asleep one moment, but then the next, I ended up falling asleep anyway.

A voice pulled me from the depths of my dreams, along with some sensations of movements. I grumbled a bit before slowly opening my eyes. I blinked them before getting a hold of my sight. I closed them before slowly lifting up my head. I soon sat up halfway in a laying position, leaning on my elbows. Jeez, how long have I've been here? I gotta stop falling asleep in the jungle. "... Did you have a nice rest ...?" I slowly opened my eyes and over to the voice, staring at Kahlil who had an unreadable expression. Although it was expressionless, sending me back to the guilty lands. I frowned before nodding. "... That's good." He said emotionless.

I slowly sat up, sitting up properly. I felt my hoodie on my head as I crossed my legs. I placed my hands into my lap, breathing in and out. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine." He said quickly. I looked at him as he gazed off of me. I frowned, feeling like my heart is aching.

"You ... sure?" I asked. "What-"

"Yes, I'm sure." He said, his tone dead. For some odd reason, it was scaring me. But at the same time, I grew a bit worried, thinking along the lines of if he ... doubted himself into this state of his. Shit. I feel so bad that I caused all of this. I shouldn't have left him there and just listened. Why did my emotions get the best of me? At the wrong time too. That's it, I'm not listening to them at all. Everything always goes down in flames when I do. I looked down at my hands, staring at the bruise on my knuckles.

This dreaded, lifeless feeling is ... worrying me so much. "Kahlil?" I said. I looked back up at him. He didn't say anything, all he did was just stare at me as if he was waiting for whatever I was going to ask. "... Did you ... do something to ... put yourself in this state?" I asked.

"Why do you care?" He asked.

"... Because I do." I answered. "... It may not look like it seems a lot but ... I do."

"... Well you shouldn't, you should be focusing on something else." He said, looking away from me. He soon stood up before walking over to the entrance.

"Wait!" I said, getting up quickly. "Please don't act this way."

"Why not? Nothing's stopping me." He said.

"... Just please ..." I said quietly. A bad feeling started to kick in as if this situation isn't bad enough. But, I do wonder. What is that bad feeling? What's next in the future? I stood in my spot, watching the blond halt his steps. He slowly turned towards me, his eyes not human anymore. Soon I grew anxious, wary of the stare he was giving me. Why does he ... come off ... as a totally new person?

Do not be afraid of this person, he is still your boyfriend, Dipper. I told myself in my head. "... Maybe that was a bit rude of me to say "don't act this way," kinda ... puts me in this placement of ... not knowing what's going on? I guess..." I said quietly, though my voice was low. I guess the fear is still in me, though I'm trying to not let it affect me.

"... Okay, I guess you were right." He said, slowly walking over to me. I widened my eyes slightly, a bit surprised. Which part? Like ...- "The part where I put myself in this state you see." He said expressionlessly.

"... Why?" I asked, concern spread across my face. "Why doubt yourself and drag yourself in a hole that you may not pull yourself out of?"

"... Probably because I kinda thought helping you was bad, I guess?" He said, halting in front of me.

"That stupid move I pulled." I said a bit annoyed at myself. "I was overwhelmed with emotions, they were taking me places where I wouldn't do at all. Trying to help me with my issues is fine, I was just struggling to accept what I was feeling."

"Can I ask ...- well ... is there any reason you cannot accept it? I'm just curious." He said, showing a little sign of emotion.

"... All I can think of is fear and doing something that is out of my reach." I answered.

"Out of your reach?" He said, tilting his head in confusion.

"...I don't know what I mean by that. But I can guess is that ... I feel like ... well, I need to be better in certain parts of this relation-"

"Okay, I'm going to stop you right there." Kahlil said, cutting me off. He took in a breather and let it out a second later. It looks like he was going to speak what was off of his head in essay format. "This is our relationship, we don't need it to be the same as any other couple in the world. We go at our own pace, no matter how many problems, how many issues we come across together. We face them one by one and solve them as we improved on those mistakes. To be honest, we don't need to show anyone that we have to be up to their standards of what a "typical" couple should be. I absolutely hate that and disagree with the controlling of certain beliefs that people have with other couples, and shit. Overall with how we handle this, you don't have to be better than anyone else. As I said before, go at your own pace."

Yep, he said it as an essay. "... Dipper-"

"Okay." I smiled, nodding quickly.

"I mean it." He said, giving me a serious look.

"Okay. I understand. I know I shouldn't do that at all or feel that I need to be better than myself. I don't know why I'm trying to be someone I'm not." I said, dropping my smile.

"You don't need to." He said quietly.

"Yeah ...- You know, with all of the dirty things you say ... I feel like it associated with that." I said.

"I...- Well...- I usually just do it to mess with you." He said.

"I know you do, but do you really mean it?" I asked.

"No." He said. "Sometimes I'm joking with the jokes I create and sometimes I'm half-joking because half of the time I'm feeling another desire within me."

I frowned a bit, looking away. "However, that doesn't mean it's gonna happen." He said.

"... Don't you want it to happen?" I asked, looking confused as I look back at him.

"... Ehhhhhh ... the idea of doing it makes me cringe ... So you're safe for now and probably forever." He said, looking extremely uncomfortable.

"... "Forever"?" I said, widening my eyes.

"... ehhhhhhhh, I...- yeah? I don't know ...- I... I just don't want to think about it..." He said, looking away from me. Soon his eyes were back to normal, though they changed like a few minutes ago.

"... Can I ask if there's a reason?" I asked, a bit curious about his uncomfortableness.

"... You want to hear?" He asked, looking surprised.

"I mean, sure but do you want to tell me?" I asked.

"I want to, I feel like I can trust you with this information." He said, turning back to me.

"Alright." I nodded.

"But first, let's sit, I've been standing and walking around trying to find you, and my legs hurt." He grumbled.

"Nice to know your emotions returned." I snickered, starting to sit down.

"Oh- I went into that mood again, didn't I?" He asked, doing the same action.

"It's fine if you go into one of your moods." I said, crossing my legs as I place my hands in my lap.

"That's nice to know." He smiled before sitting right next to me. He got himself comfortable before staring blankly at his lap. I sat, being patient as I can. Though I think I am good at being patient since I usually just go into my mind and think of the things that distract me. I looked over at him, keeping my small smile as I waited for his speech. "... You know about ... the whole kidnapping with me ... right?" He asked

"About how you're one of them? yes." I said.

"Yeah ... I wish I wasn't so I could go forward and help you guys with this case." He said, glancing at me.

"It's fine either way, to be honest, we're almost done." I said.

"Almost done?" He asked, tilting his head.

"Yeah, we figured out most of the things that Gideon and his ... partner did to the townfolks. So, we're trying to figure out how to enter into the warehouse and dis-enchant most of the shirt pins. And also, rescue some of the teens. Though, if we manage to get the police on our side, then we might not ... have to go there." I said.

"Isn't the police under Gideon's control?" He asked.

"If you destroy the shirt pins, they are no longer under his control." I said.

"Oh. Clever move!" He said.

"Why, thank you." I grinned, feeling the warmth on my cheeks. "I'm surprised, your fine with me talking about this."

"Oh, well ... might as well be." He said. "Anyway, when I "escaped"- no, no. I didn't really escape... they ... set me free."

"... Free? That's a bit confusing." I said, tilting my head.

"... Not when... you begged them constantly into letting yourself be freed." He said, frowning. I frowned, feeling sorry for him. I scooted close to him before putting an arm around him. "You might say that ... or think that, if I'm free I can go tell the police of what they have done to me. I couldn't because they let me go on one condition. If I didn't get in the way of their work then I am free and can try to have a life here."

"... Wait- that time you said you were frightened when you didn't feel safe walking home? Was it them?" I asked.

"It was. I stopped Gideon from attacking you on that day. And Apparently... I broke that condition, so whenever I leave the house, I quickly run into the jungle to get where I must go next." He said. "Or sometimes, I just stay in the jungle."

"Shit-" I cursed.

"It's fine, I won't disappear, not ever, not now." He said, smiling. Though that smile seems weak.

"What they're doing is so messed up." I hissed.

"Yeah ... especially the tortures they put everyone in, including me." He said quietly and lowly. I widened my eyes and turned to him slowly. His gaze was on his lap once more as his hands were shaking. "... they ... had some fun devices that they shared with us ... some were ... either punish harshly while others did not. They ... liked to pick favorites ... which is disgusting ... no one in that ... in that place deserves to be ... treated ... like an animal. Then again ... all of us ... were treated like one. As if we were some wild animals that ... that needed punishment ... for no reason. We didn't even do anything wrong, we were ... just living our lives ... normally as people."

I stayed quiet, the horror on my face was quite seen. That is the most disgusting and horrible thing I have ever heard. "... if ... one of us tried to escape ... then the rest would suffer the same ... fate as the rest. At least ... they fed us ... but some of us ... didn't want to eat ... I was one of them. They ended up threatening to ... do more damage to us if ... we didn't eat. The rest listened as I didn't. I wanted to die from starvation so badly. I'd been there for far too long ... I didn't want to suffer any longer ... of course ... having powers is a fucking curse. I ... didn't ... die ... and I figured ... my powers were keeping me from dying ... And it seemed to gain the captor's attention."

With every word he says, his voice sounds so close to breaking as I once heard it in Pacifica's, though, there still seems to be something keeping it from shattering. His voice was low, shaky, and frightened of the experiences he talked about. I rubbed his back before continuing listening. Silence came forward as he breathes in and out, trying to get himself ready for the next part. "... I ... ended up ... becoming their favorite ... their favorite ... "toy" to mess with. After figuring out that ... I was kinda ... immortal ... I ended up ... playing as a doll for them ... didn't really ... became one ... it's just that ... my mind was so dead, so empty that ... I thought that no one was ... coming to rescue us."

"We were just ... experiments to this ... captor. And ... something on that one day ... snapped my mind out of this dead state. Though ... it only happened because ... he ... he ... did something ... that ... I don't even know if ... anyone can describe it." He mumbled. I saw tears in his eyes as I pulled him slightly over to me. "... I- ... I ... I- ..." He begins to wipe his tears away as he struggled to say this sentence. "I ... was ... raped. I ... really wish he ... didn't do that. But ... with the helpless state, I was in ... I couldn't do anything."

I think my face darkens a bit, or ... just a lot from before. It probably darkens to the point I have the feeling to kick someone's ass or just ... crush someone's head with my binder. I think I'm thinking like a serial killer. I heard snickers from him as I looked back over to him. "Why are-"

"I'm glad I dated the violent one who's gonna serve someone's ass in jail." He said, smiling through his tears. "I can't wait until that asshole is put in jail. I'm just waiting for the moment, for the day he gets put in one."

"The end is coming close to him." I hissed. "And soon, you don't have to hide away with every step they take."

"... ehhhh ... I hate feeling like I'm the pathetic one in this mess... now I'm crying for no reason-"

"Let it all out, holding it back won't help it." I said.

"I know, I know. I just hate feeling pathetic." He said, whining slightly.

"You're not pathetic, you were willing to kill my bullies when I told you about them. I don't think that's pathetic." I said, looking at him.

".. Hehe, I know. I just don't want to appear weak." He said quietly.

"Well, I don't think you are. What you told just now makes you stronger than you were before." I said.

"Stop making me feel all good." He grumbled, looking away.

"I'm sorry, I can't help it. I cannot allow you to frown at all times. I gotta see that smile of yours." I said. He grunted before turning back to me with a smile. He was also blushing.

"Why do you have to be the one who also makes me blush?" He asked.

"I don't know, it just happens." I answered, shrugging slightly.

"... Well, I'm glad for your support." He said.

"Your welcome." I smiled.

Silence welcomed us in as we sat. We did discuss some other topics as I asked about the immortal thingy. He doesn't know if he's completely immortal or not, which makes me think if it's possible to be half immortal. I mean, if he can still die, then it's not really called being immortal. Just a mortal who has ... special powers. Anyway, if he didn't have those powers, then, we wouldn't end up meeting one another. I can't seem to see us not meeting at all. That day where he was going to take his own life away from where we first met. Everything is so terrifying when I look at the picture of it. I shook my head slightly. I'll just stop thinking about it, anxiety gonna attack me if I continue anyway.

I was sitting with my phone in my hand, I was staring down at the song lists, wondering which song I wanted to listen to. While I was doing that, Kahlil was resting his head on my shoulder, having his eyes closed. I'm thinking he fell asleep, though he could be just resting there with the peaceful environment around us. I decided to check out the message that my sister sent me. I stared at it and gave an annoyed look at the phone. Of course, she wants to see if the gift works and ... other stuff. I shivered before exiting the conversation.

I looked at the other conversations, sitting in my own silence. "Why is there a heart next to ... 'creepyboi'?" I flinched from his voice.

"... Oh. It's nothing." I said.

"... Did you name me that?" He asked.

"Yes." I said, looking over at him. He slowly leaned away and turned to stare at me.

"Why did you name me that?" He asked.

"Well, on the day I got my phone and was setting it up, you sent me that flirty text, and I thought it was a drunk who accidentally got the wrong number." I answered, looking a bit guilty.

He chuckled and leaned back over to me. "Cuteeee."

"WHY IS THAT CUTE?" I asked, confusion spread across my face.

"You thought I was a creep." He said, placing his arms around my torso. He rested his chin on my shoulder.

"I ...- HOW IS-"

"It's cute to me, you wouldn't understand." He said.

"Yeah. I do not understand how your mind works." I said, shaking my head. I turn my gaze back to the list, pressing back onto the conversation between me and my sister. "... well, you were looking like you were going to get in trouble if I say anything bad, so I thought your expression was cute." He whispered.

"... Of course." I mumbled.

"Mmhm. Anyway, what does that Noisy Bug wants now?" He asked. Nice nickname for my sister.

"Just wanted to know how things are going." I answered, a bit irritated.

"Don't answer her back, she doesn't need to know our business." He said quietly.

"I wasn't going to. I never answer those types of questions anyway." I said, closing my phone. I place it in my pocket as I let out a sigh.

"By the way ... you can text me anytime, no need to apologize about what happened a few days ago." He said.

"I'll assume you were in your moods." I said.

"Yep. I was." He said quietly. "So, do you want to finish that kiss from earlier?" He asked in a whisper. I widened my eyes and turned slightly red. I soon turned my head away from his direction. "Hmm?"

"... I... I forgot about that moment." I said.

"Don't worry, I did too. Then again, we never finished that one moment on that "ice rink.'" He whispered.

"... We can always just ... start a new one." I said quietly.

"Oh, so you want to?" He asked.

"...Yes?" I said.

"Look at me." He said. I gulped before slowly turning back over to him. "Hiding that blush I see?" He smirked.

"... Yeah." I said, smiling slightly. He lifted up his head from my shoulder, eyeing me down.

"So, I'll ask you again-"

"Why ask me, when you can just kiss me already?" I said, cutting him off. We'll be wasting time if we do it your way. As soon as I said what was in my head, he placed his lips on mine. Swiftly as it seems, I disconnected myself from my thoughts, enjoying what was presented in front of me. As much as I can see I've changed from before, I think it was best to take it slow. Now that we don't really have to do it, we can just enjoy ourselves with these kisses and cuddles.

End of Chapter 61