Pennyroyal Tea

Elena cradles the second blood bag in her hand as she lifts the other one to Amara's lips, clumsily letting blood drip down her chin. It's difficult at first and she spills most of it initially until she figures out that she needs cut small corners in the bag like horrific juice packs. She's halfway through the bags she grabbed from Caroline before the color starts creeping back into Amara's skin.

Elijah is upstairs with Rebekah, but Finn stayed downstairs with Elena at her request. She reasoned that nine hundred years of being daggered made him the most empathetic to Amara's two thousand years of desiccation. He clears his throat, reminding her of his presence. "Her hand is moving."

Elena looks at Finn and then quickly back to Amara. She reaches out to hold her hand, tilting the last blood bag into her mouth with her free hand. "It's not enough, Finn. Why haven't we kept blood bags here, in the house?"

"We had no need." The implication of the siblings' occasional nightly excursions hangs in the air and at one point it might have bothered Elena, but not anymore. "Perhaps we could get her more?"

"That will take too long," she drops the last bag in a pile and heads to the kitchen, returning with a sharp paring knife. Finn's eyes widen, but she can see the argument forming behind his eyes through the shock.

"It doesn't have to be now, Elena."

"I don't have a choice," she responds and winces as she slices diagonally across her thumb. "You've seen what he's done to Rebekah. Without Amara, we are at a disadvantage against him. He hurt our family, Finn. How can we wait and risk it happening again?"

She doesn't wait for his reaction, working her thumb into Amara's warming lips. She misses how Finn's mouth gapes open a little too long and the way his eyes follow her like a lost kid seeking out his mom in the passing faces at a department store. He'd grown so protective over Elena and only now realized how strongly she felt about them in return.

"Look, it's working. Maybe we didn't even need the blood bags? Maybe mine would have been enough?" Amara's grip on her hand tightens and her face cracks as her skin stitches itself back together into living flesh.

Amara's hand slides up Elena's arm, holding her hand firmly in place. Her teeth graze against the open wound. Dissatisfied with the ebbing flow, she bites down. Amara has forgotten so much of herself, but this tastes like a warm memory and she's hungry for more. When her eyes flutter open and she finally takes in the source of her contentment, she screams.

When Elena tries to comfort her, Amara shoves her back into Finn and runs off down the hallway, muttering and moaning as she stumbles into the walls. Finn is quick to follow, subduing her easily though she fights back admirably, clawing into his forearms.

"Can't you do something for her?" Finn looks back to Elena and Amara takes the opportunity to wiggle a shoulder out from under Finn's hand. She has a hand up in his hair quicker than he can react and she yanks down hard. "Compel her!"

He struggles to steady his eyes on her own. Her flailing and kicking about wildly manage to delay the process if only for a moment. "Amara. You need to calm down. Breathe." Her grip on his hair loosens and her hands slip and fall down to her chest. Finn moves off her to stand next to Elena. She's unsure of what to say, but the two women can't break eye contact. It's as if Finn has evaporated from their minds even though he's still there.

"You can't be Tatia. She's dead. Katerina? The one who passed through ever so briefly. A fleeting moment before she charged her way back into this world."

"No, I'm Elena."

"Has it been so long that nature has produced yet another?" Elena nods, wordlessly in awe. "You are different than the others, stilled in their eternal youth by death. I had thought that was our fate, but the lines budding on your face prove me wrong."

Amara stands up, brushing off any dirt she'd picked up from the ground. Her hands act as blinders on either side of her face, hiding her from the too-bright sun streaming in through the windows. "Why did you wake me?"

"Because Silas is awake." Elena waits for a reaction, but Amara's face is counseled and blank. "And he wants you."

"Of course he does." The words should sound arrogant, but Amara says it in such an even cadence that it sounds more matter-of-fact. "But that does little to explain why you woke me. Tricked me into this false tranquility so that we may speak."

"We can talk in the library if it's too bright out here." Elena reaches out to her twin, trying to guide her out of the hallway.

"Please, don't touch me. It's too much," Amara shirks her off, rolling her shoulder away from Elena and backing away from her. Elena looks to Finn who nods at her and waves his hand as if to wipe away her hurt that Amara hasn't embraced her as immediate as she'd dreamed. He knows, better than most, what it is like to wake up in a new reality with strange faces.

Finn leaves the two women alone in the library, two mugs of tea sitting between them act as a demarcation line. Elena reaches out for hers, tapping her fingers anxiously against the hard surface. The pull she'd felt to Amara was unexpectedly not reciprocated and Elena is scrambling over how to handle this change in plans.

There's a million questions she wants to ask and she resists the urge to get straight to the point about Silas. "You mentioned Tatia and Katherine. You knew them?"

"In a way, I did. I am the anchor for the Other Side. The place in between where all supernatural beings exist after their death. I met Tatia and spent time with her there before she found peace and left me. Eventually most leave. It is not meant to be permanent."

"And Katherine?"

"I only saw her briefly and she refused to pass through. She told me she wasn't ready. She had more to do. And then I saw her again, but couldn't welcome her in my arms. She was torn from me much in the same way her child was torn from her. Katerina never made it to the Other Side."

"Where did she go?"

"A place that I can neither see nor touch. A place others have gone before and never come back from. A dark place meant only for the worst of us. Silas has been awoken?"

"Yeah, my brother was one of the Five. We went to where he was entombed to give him the cure and kill him, but our plan went off the rails. He's awake and still immortal."

"And angry." Amara looks up and they make eye contact for the first time since sitting down. "He always got so worked up when events didn't go his way. Impulsive. Controlling. Passionate." Amara trails off, lost in thought. Elena too, considering Klaus.

"Do you love him?"

"A simple question, but it feels too complicated to answer. Who am I without him? I can't remember anymore who I was before him. A girl who was so proud to have been chosen to serve Qetsiyah. The most powerful witch her coven had seen yet. That I could play even a small role in her successes meant the world to me. It was enough to be a part of a greater cause beyond my capabilities."

"What changed?"

"Silas. He changed all of it. From the moment he gazed upon my face, an act so intimate I was subdued under his touch."

"Why not tell Qetsiyah?"

"That her betrothed was unfaithful? The man she was so enamored with had inexplicably chosen to lower himself with me? She wouldn't have believed me. I would have been cast out or worse."

The conversation wasn't exactly how Elena had planned. Amara hadn't leapt into her arms, grateful to be united with her shadow the way Elena had hoped. The way she felt being in her presence was like a shadow looking up at the sundial, each rotation produced another doppelgänger, but Amara was distracted, leaving them all behind like discarded candy wrappers.

"You seem a bit overwhelmed. Would you like to rest? I can show you to a spare room." Amara nods and follows behind Elena at a distance, up the stairs and into a dark room. She leaves the first Petrova alone, a little disappointed and confused.

It is agreed that there is safety in numbers and with Bonnie keeping an eye out for Silas, her and Caroline and Stefan make it to the mansion in one piece. Elena had tried to convince Ric to join them with Grace, but he'd already started driving them as far west as he could go. She agreed that it was a smart decision, but she'd be lying if it made her uncomfortable to have them out of sight.

She tries to get Amara to come downstairs for dinner, but she politely declines. Elijah has given up trying to comfort Rebekah, who stays in her room as well. So, it's Elena with Finn and Elijah at either side facing her friends.

"So, anyway between all of this and the fact that, frankly, people are starting to clock how uncanny it is that Stefan and I haven't aged since graduation. Well, we think it's best to leave after Silas is taken care of. Travel the world. Finally! I mean, how have I spent a decade as a vampire in this town without going anywhere interesting?" Caroline beams her sunshine on the rest of them, trying her best to lighten the mood.

"Wait, you're leaving Mystic Falls?" Caroline nods emphatically, but a question lingers on Elena's tongue. What about Bonnie? She wants to be happy for Caroline, seeing the world for the first time. Wants to imagine her enjoying herself on the beach with Stefan or exploring the cities she herself has already seen over the last ten years. But all she can see is Bonnie alone in the massive boarding house.

After dinner, each person wanders off into different rooms and Elena tries to catch Bonnie, but her friend is elusive and surprisingly excellent at disappearing into a house that Elena thought she knew. Not being able to find Bonnie, Elena makes her way to Rebekah's room where the blonde has bundled herself under her comforter.

Elena reaches out, stroking Rebekah's shoulder. "You didn't want to come downstairs for dinner?"

Rebekah mutters an unintelligible response and when Elena asks again, Rebekah throws off the blanket revealing her tear stained face. "How could I? How could I go downstairs and look into the face that is the exact copy of Silas?"

"Oh, Rebekah. I'm so sorry. I hadn't thought. I hadn't realized how terrible that would have been for you. What Silas did…?"

"He did nothing other than remind me of the truth. Of my life. My heartache. And the cause of those sorrows." Rebekah skirts around naming him, but Klaus's name is whispered in each of her pauses. This is a sibling issue that Elena doesn't know how to address and so she slides into bed next to Rebekah and holds her close. She awkwardly tries to find a place for her arm, settling over Elena's burgeoning stomach.

"Those are in the past, Rebekah. Let them stay there."

"That's the thing, Elena. The past never really stays there. It's always around us. In the present. The future. We can't leave it behind because it is always there." Elena sighs into Rebekah's hair and holds her tighter, letting her own dark hair soak up Rebekah's tears. When she looks up, she sees Elijah smiling at her and she smiles back. He nods at them before turning around to leave.

"You could give him a chance. We all see how he adores you. Elijah would never leave you." Even in the depths of her own terror with the threat of Silas looming on the horizon, Rebekah won't miss an opportunity.

"Rebekah…"

"He would be a good father and he cares so deeply for you." Impatience drives her to become heavy-handed.

"Rebekah."

"Why won't you give it a chance to work? Is it Finn? Have you grown more attached to him?" Even though she'd be willing to switch tactics, she can't keep the disbelief out of her voice at the thought of Elena yearning for Finn.

"I am not attached to Finn in that sense. Why does anything need to work? Aren't things already working fine as they are? Rebekah, I'm not oblivious. I've noticed how you take every chance to leave us alone together. Why do you keep pushing Elijah on me?"

"I don't want you to leave," she whispers.

"What? I'm not leaving."

"Klaus has left you. What if he doesn't come back? Why would you stay with his family if he's not around? Elijah would never leave us and if you and he were to be together..."

"You are trying to get Elijah and me together to keep me here?" She sits up in bed, taking Rebekah with her when she nods a confirmation. "I didn't stay here because I'm waiting for Klaus or because I'm having his kid. Setting me up with Elijah hoping I will fall in love with him won't keep me here because the truth is I already am in love. With all of you. Finn. Kol. Elijah. And you, Rebekah. I've fallen in love with your family and I would like that to be enough for you."

"Do you mean that?"

"How could I not? You're my family now and I hope you see it the same, with or without me being with one of your brothers." Rebekah laughs and Elena, though exasperated, stays until she falls asleep. She only leaves her side when she hears shouting from downstairs.

She runs into Bonnie at the top of the stairs, they exchange questioning glances and walk down to investigate together. Finn and Elijah are arguing in the hallway, both men so uncharacteristically heated that Elena assumes Kol and Klaus are back for a second.

"Why can't you tell me who is in that locked coffin? How could you not push Niklaus for an answer? Are you so besotted with him that you are willing to brush aside such flagrant propaganda that nothing lies within it?" Even to Elena, the argument sounds stale like Finn and Elijah have been having this dance in secret for weeks.

"I chose to trust our brother!"

"And where has that gotten this family? Where is he now with all the trust you have in him? Your faith in him is so unshaken that you had to send Kol to retrieve him when he clearly has no desire to be here."

"You sent Kol to find Klaus? That's where he's been?"

Elijah and Finn turn, startled to see the two women. "Ladies, please accept my apology that you had to see me like this. I assure you that I typically do not act in such a matter." Bonnie shifts under Finn's gaze. "I am normally a well-tempered man, Ms. Bennett."

"This seems like a family issue, Elena. I'll be in your room?" Bonnie leaves and Finn has the good sense to wait a moment until she's made it into Elena's bedroom before ascending the stairs himself, leaving Elijah alone in the face of Elena's rage.

"You told me that Kol was gone to find something that would help against Silas." She crosses her arms and sets her shoulders forward.

"Well, would Klaus not be of assistance in this predicament?"

"Don't do that, Elijah. You know what you were doing. You lied."

"I may have omitted certain truths on the exact nature of Kol's departure."

"That's a lie!" she hisses. "I deserve to know what is going on with Klaus. I shouldn't be kept in the dark."

"And if it didn't work? If Kol couldn't find him or couldn't bring him back even if he did? I was doing what was best for you, Elena."

"You don't get to decide what is best for me!"

"And the child? You've been reckless, Elena. Waking Amara? Trying to go head to head with Silas? Meeting with witches without my counsel." He pauses and as an afterthought adds, "Without Niklaus?"

"My child, with Klaus, is my responsibility. Ours when he comes back. I would never intend to put our baby into harm's way, but that's my life. I've outlived every other version of me that's come before, but my life was never going to be safe and easy. I'm doing what I have to do."

"You could have run."

"I've done that. It didn't do much for me and I won't do it again." Elena turns on her heel and Elijah reaches out to catch her by the arm.

"Elena, please."

"Don't lie to me again. Not about Klaus. Not about anything. I deserve at least the truth. Don't I?" She stares Elijah down until he concedes, nodding his head with his eyes pinched shut like he's trying to expel a headache.

"Ms. Bennett?" Finn knocks softly on the bedroom door. "If you would grant me a moment to explain and apologize?"

Bonnie opens the door, clearly in the middle of changing with a pajama top but jeans still on. "We don't know even each other, Finn. You don't need to apologize to me."

"We may not know one another, but that doesn't erase the need. I'm sorry you had to witness my anger. I am ashamed that you should have seen me in such an undone state. Being daggered for so long has, I'm afraid, changed me in certain aspects. The idea that someone could be in that coffin, in a similar state, stokes a fire in my soul that I cannot control. Still, I apologize for my display in front of you."

"I'm okay, Finn. Apology accepted. Are we good?" Politeness keeps her standing in front of him, but Bonnie shifts from foot to foot trying to hurry through the earnest way Finn looks at her. A look she hadn't been anticipating and wasn't prepared for.

"That I could ever be good with one as remarkable as you is more than a sinner like me could ever hope to deserve." Bonnie is speechless and unsure what to say back to Finn. She's relieved when Elena clears her throat and Finn bows low to them both before excusing himself to his room.

"Is he always so weird?"

"He's overly formal, but that's just how he talks. You get used to it," Elena answers, taking her place next to Bonnie on the bed. "He means well."

"So, what's the plan for Silas? We probably don't have much time before he figures out a way past Liv's cloaking."

"What if we gave Amara the cure? Let her find peace and made Silas the anchor to the Other Side? Amara's carried that cross long enough. He can have a turn at it if you could make him the anchor?" Her voice tilts higher the way it does when she doesn't know the answer to her question, but she's hoping for a yes.

"I can't, Elena."

"Bonnie, I know you could do this."

"It's not that I couldn't. I should say, I won't do it."

"Wait, what? Why not."

"Look, I know you want to do right by Amara. I get that, I really do. I also have people I have to do right by. Qetsiyah. The witch of the Five. They wanted Silas dead. I won't go against their wishes. Not for anyone, Elena. Even you. Silas has to die and as shitty as it is, Amara has to keep being the anchor. I'm sure Grams would agree."

"Bonnie…"

"I've thought this through, Elena. I'll help, but only if it means killing Silas. I've spent too long ignoring my better instincts. Silas is an anomaly and he needs to be removed." Bonnie is firm in her stance and Elena knows there is no room to convince her otherwise.

"And Amara?"

"She's collateral damage. If she can survive in this world as the anchor, then fine, but if she can't I'll put her under again. Without the Other Side, how many supernaturals would be forced to either find peace or fall into a void?"

"Alright. I'll talk to her then. Catch her up on the plan and see if she'll help." Elena looks at her phone. So close to midnight and she hasn't called Klaus left to leave her daily message. She thinks about excusing herself for a moment for a quick call, but decides against it. She's too tired and it has felt useless for far longer than she'd care to admit. "Are you going to be okay? Once Caroline and Stefan leave, I mean. Do you know what you will do?"

"I'm not sure. Stefan said I could stay in the house. He'd deed it to me, but everything reminds me of him. It's strange, you know. Like a break up. At first you only remember all the good stuff, but then you slowly remember all of it." Bonnie is quiet at first before she looks back to her friend. "I loved him, Elena. I really did and I do, but then I think about all the times he did things without telling me. He was never supposed to kill Klaus's witch back in January. He was absolutely not supposed to compel you the way he did. We talked about the cure, but I told him I didn't need him to take it. I just needed him to be with me, but it wasn't enough for him. He just had it in his head what the right move was and it was never anything I wanted."

Bonnie's nose flares at the memory and Elena can't tell if she's sad or angry or in between.

"Did you know we weren't planning on following you? Back in Venice. I told him we should leave you alone. That if you wanted to keep something private, we should respect it. He couldn't. Never did. Sometimes, I wonder how things might have worked out if we hadn't showed up. Would Klaus have destroyed everything? Would that have really been the last time you saw him if we had let it play out or would you have calmed him down enough to talk? Would it have changed anything all?"

"I don't know, Bonnie. Does it matter?"

"I guess not."

"You know if you wanted," Elena takes in a deep breath, trying to think of the best way to phrase the question, "You could move in. We have enough room. And, well, that house is just so big. If you wanted to, you could live with us. I would understand if you didn't, but you don't have to be alone. Unless you want that." Elena speeds up as if she could fill in Bonnie's silence with her rushed words. "Think about it though? It could be the college experience we never got to have."

"Except late, sleepless nights aren't from partying and you won't be throwing up from too much beer?" Elena laughs, relieved that Bonnie broke the moment with a joke. "I'll think about it. I promise."

They lay together, Elena watching Bonnie's back and yearning to reach out to her friend. She wiggles as close as she can under the covers until only a thin line separates them. The cumulative grief is overwhelming her in a way she hadn't anticipated. Worry and concern tug at all corners of her heart where the fear of Silas has planted a flag, taking it over while everything else cries for attention. She sleeps numb to the weight of it all crashing in on her.

Somewhere between Nashville and Knoxville, June 2020

A car speeds through the night, overtaking the slow moving semi-trucks that lumber in the night along the highway system. Klaus reaches down for his phone, checking it obsessively in increased annoyance with each minute past midnight.

"Are you bothered?"

"She has called every day until now. Why stop?"

"Perhaps she's grown tired of you. Maybe try calling back? Asking her instead of me?" Kol shrugs in his seat as the artificial light from the high masts along the road play across his face.

"Or I could ask her in person," Klaus grins.

"What? No! You told me we were driving to a city. You promised me night life and attractive women!"

"You can have all that and more, dear Kol. After we kill Silas and make sure Elena and my child are safe, you are free to do anything you please."

"No! Let me out you psychotic asshole! Do you have any idea what Silas is capable of? What he'd do to us both if we went against him. Turn around! I changed my mind. I'm fine with the mountains. Turn the blasted car around!" Kol's panic seems to swallow up any excess space in the car as he squirms in his seat.

"Are you really so cowardly, Kol?"

"Oh, suddenly having an ounce of self-preservation means I'm a coward? If common sense makes me so then I'll accept that."

"You would allow a human woman to stay and fight Silas? A task you are unwilling to take on? What else might you call that?"

Kol slides down into his seat, deflated, as Klaus overtakes another truck. "You owe me so much after this," he mutters without any real teeth behind his words.

"I'll diligently seek any opportunity to make reparations, anguished little brother." Kol rolls his eye, not believing a word.

"It's the very least you could do, Nik. After sticking a dagger in my heart. Quite literally stabbing me in the back."

"Couldn't be avoided. You were running away. Besides, you owe this to Elena."

"Funny that, coming from you considering what you've been doing for almost a month." Klaus's jaw clenches tight though Kol ignores him. They are speeding into the mouth of the beast, trying to slay the un-slayable dragon. They have no need for words now.

Kol understands. He's been in love before, many times over. He's just in shock that Klaus seems to be admitting it, if not in words then in actions. He'd heard him claim the child as his, but hadn't pushed. Stubborn people are funny in that way. Push too hard, too soon and they are likely to double down in their wrongness. That's where Klaus had been building his home this last month, in the land of Wrongness.

Kol could only hope that this sudden need to be with Elena meant that Klaus had abandoned that house in favor of the truth.

A/N: I think I was the most anxious writing Amara in this chapter because she talks SO MUCH and not nearly as much in the show so much of this was just me imaging what she'd be like if someone had compelled her to calm down and breathe. I could be wrong, but my impression of her character is mostly panicked running and yelling. Anyway, thanks for reading and hope you enjoy!