No shooting please – I beg of you – I know full well that I suck at keeping any sort of promise to update more regularly *wince* I'm doing my best I swear. I'm hoping that this chapter makes up for it *mwah*
Chapter Twenty-Seven – Fallout
After getting his jaw checked over in medical, and confirming that it was indeed heavily bruised and fractured, Tony glumly made his way to the common room they all shared, prepared to face the fallout that was no doubt about to occur. Not that he didn't think he deserved it, he knew he'd done something unforgiveable, and while his intentions were good, he still knew that it would be upsetting for Bucky to be triggered against his will.
As hard as it sounded, Tony had needed the ruthlessness of the Winter Soldier, who would show no mercy to the despicable men that had been storming his home. He would not have been able to focus on taking down Vanko if he was worrying about Bucky getting hurt again, not when he'd… No, he shut down that line of thought immediately.
When he arrived at the common room, the team had already gathered there, and the general mood seemed to be upset, angry and disappointed. Tony fought the urge to withdraw into himself and held his head up, facing the music, while his heart hammered in his chest.
"Before you all tear a verbal strip off me, please let me explain myself," Tony pleaded.
Expecting Steve to be the one to go for him, Tony was shocked when it was Natasha who levelled him with a glare that could have stopped his heart. "It better be good, Tony. You used the trigger words we all swore we would never use against him, and now he has to deal with that as well." He could see Natasha was visibly shaking, her fists clenched, and Tony winced internally.
He frowned, eyes searching out Bucky. "As well? What happened?"
Bucky shrugged, eyes still flat and cold, the warmth that was usually reserved for him completely absent. "My arm." Tony noticed there was no further elaboration, and though it hurt him to know that what little trust had been built between them was gone, he couldn't really say he was surprised.
Nothing else was offered and Tony didn't feel he had the place to pry. "I'm sorry, I can take a look at it later, if you need it. Please, Bucky, let me explain?"
Blue eyes flickered with pain and closed. He cleared his throat and opened them again. "I get it, Tony. I do. I just don't like it. You used the words I had chosen, the words that made me feel safe, and used them for your own agenda. I understand that you needed the Winter Soldier, and I understand that keeping people safe is your top priority, but did you stop to think that my top priority was something else?"
He shook his head, blinking back the tears that were burning them. "I…I'm so sorry, Bucky. I couldn't live with more death on my hands. I thought it was better to send you away to help the others than to babysit me."
"It was still my choice, Tony, and you took it away from me!" He shouted. "Maybe the right thing to do would have been to go and help the others, but I wanted to stay and help you. Sometimes there are casualties in fights, and while I would much rather reduce that number drastically, I also didn't want to leave you defenceless. Without FRIDAY there to assist with the suit, I knew there would be features unavailable to you. Vanko was a fucking beast, he could have steam rolled you in a heartbeat!"
Tony lowered his gaze and coughed awkwardly. "I'm sorry, Bucky. Truly, I am. You're right. I never should have taken your choice away from you. That was wrong of me. I…I hope you'll allow me a chance to make it right again."
The super soldier shook his head, eyes boring into his sadly, and left the room. Tony honestly felt like crying and did his best to keep that at bay. He turned to his team and met Steve's eyes. "I'm sorry I let you down, Cap."
Something in Steve cracked and those bright blue eyes saddened. "No, Tony, I'm sorry I let you down. I saw the look in your eyes when you came in- you were expecting me tear you to pieces. I understand why you did it, even if it was the wrong thing to do."
Natasha snorted and squared up against him, reminding Tony just how small he appeared next to her. "Believe me when I say this, Tony, I have never felt this angry and disappointed with you. You've pulled some serious shit over the years, before the Avengers and after joining, but we could always forgive you. I'm not so sure we can this time." And with that, she left with Clint, shooting him a glare.
Wanda and Vision passed him, hand in hand, the former shaking her head while Vision offered a clasped shoulder. Bruce smiled warmly and gave him a hug, murmuring that while it wasn't the best thing to do, he understood that Tony had chosen the lesser of two evils, in his mind.
Thor had also pulled him into a hug. "Brother Tony, your actions, while misguided, are admirable and the house of Odin will never turn away from a brother who only does what they believe to be best. He will come around in time." Thor pressed their foreheads together and Tony had to swallow several times to clear the lump in his throat.
"Thanks, Point Break," Tony croaked, still reeling from Nat's words.
A smile graced the God's face before he disappeared, leaving Tony alone with Steve. There was a time only too recently that Tony would have been afraid of that. He found it extremely disconcerting that Steve's gaze held no malice or judgement, but his senses remained on high alert, afraid this was the calm before the storm.
But Steve only sat down and motion for Tony to do the same. He took one of the chairs and fidgeted, unsure of what to say. Steve's blue eyes never wavered from his own hazel ones, a warmth there that Tony hadn't seen since the Avengers had first gotten together.
"Tony, tell me what was going through your mind," Steve said quietly, blue eyes searching his.
The genius shrugged and flopped back in his seat. "I don't know what to tell you, Steve. I figured that Bucky would be of better use down with you guys than up with me. Vanko said there were more of his men with orders to kill on sight. There was a time when the old Tony wouldn't have cared about the collateral damage, would have taken the death toll in my stride because in times of war, this is what happens. But, since I shut down weapons manufacturing and stopped being The Merchant of Death, I've been priding myself on a low death toll where the Avengers are concerned."
Steve cocked his head to the side. "Yes, we all thought The Merchant of Death was long buried, but he resides there, just below the surface, doesn't he?"
A shiver worked down Tony's spine. "It's nowhere near as bad as it sounds. It's not like I'm fighting it on a daily basis or anything, like Bruce does with the Other Guy, but, yeah, he's never really gone. This time it came in handy. But Steve, I need you to understand that it wasn't The Merchant of Death that triggered Bucky, that was all me. I'm sorry, you know how I feel about death tolls, what New York, and Sokovia, did to me."
The super soldier nodded, rubbing the back of his neck. "Yeah, Tony, I know. And normally I'd take your answer at face value, but lately, I've noticed some changes and I can't help but think something else was afoot. If you'd pleaded your case more strongly, Bucky would have probably gone under the oath that you'd keep comms open or something."
He knew this, of course. "Maybe, but I didn't have the time to weight that up, or try. The doors to the cells were open and it was seconds away from them coming at us. I did what I felt was necessary and right."
Steve raised a blond brow. "Really? I feel like that's only a partial truth, Tony."
A flush crept up Tony's face that he tried to fight back down. "Does the reason really matter, Steve? You already know the reason, I can see it in your eyes. I'd appreciate it if you kept it to yourself though, please? I'm having a hard enough time dealing with it myself."
Steve stood up and patted Tony's shoulder. "Of course, Tony. Just know that I'm here for you, alright. I know we've had troubles recently but I'd like to think that we're getting past all that, and moving forward. I'll talk to Nat and Clint, they'll come around quickly- you know they never stay upset for long, especially with you."
"Yeah, but you heard Nat this time, Steve. I think I might have gone too far for her to forgive," he whispered.
He watched Steve leave and sat back in his chair, mulling over everything before finally going off to bed. The day had been long and he was exhausted. Not to mention he would have a lot of apologising to do in the coming morning. He asked FRIDAY to set a reminder to look at Bucky's arm as well, make sure everything was running alright.
-oo0oo-
Searching for coffee in the morning, Tony found Nat and Clint in the kitchen already, the pair giving him the stink-eye. He debated trying to talk to them again, but Steve had said he'd do it. So, either he hadn't been able to get through to them, or they had refused his attempts to placate. Whatever their reason for being hostile still, Tony was in no mood. He'd had little sleep, wasn't feeling great and extremely cranky. He grabbed a mug, poured some coffee and disappeared down to his workshop.
Grabbing his toolbox, Tony laid down on the creeper to get under the Hot Rod, he wanted to finish working on the engine so that he could move onto something new to fill his time when he wasn't doing a million other things. "FRIDAY, set my AC/DC playlist going, baby girl."
His AI complied and Tony lost himself in the blaring music as he worked. His brain ticked over everything that had happened the previous day. He could rest a little easier knowing that all their fears over HYDRA had been unfounded. The organisation had not been returning to regain possession of their asset. He made a mental note to pay Hammer a little visit and remind the snot nosed little shit why he was second best to Tony in every subject.
One thing still bugged him about it all though: the security break in over the stolen file. It made sense that the file stolen was the CCTV and probably showed something on it that would have alerted him to the fact Nikolai was watching them, but the break in had come from an SI IP address and Tony was absolutely certain that no one to do with Vanko was employed. For starters, the vast majority of his staff were people he knew, not on a personal level but they hadn't been hired until Tony had actually met them- Pepper had vetted the ones Tony hadn't done.
It niggled in the back of his mind, but since he couldn't do anything about it right now, Tony forced it away and returned his attention to the car. He repaired the last few things and grabbed the key from the cupboard he kept them in, placed it in the ignition and turned it. The engine roared to life with a satisfying growl and Tony could have cried for joy. He and Jarvis, the real Jarvis that was, had worked on this car for so long before his untimely death and Tony had always felt that he couldn't finish it because Jarvis wasn't there. Undoubtedly, the man would have smacked Tony upside the head for thinking he didn't have the damn brains.
The music stopped abruptly and Tony looked up from his seat in the car to find Bucky searching him out. "I'm over here," he called.
Bucky's eyes found his and Tony swallowed audibly at the empty look in the blue depths. "My arm needs looking at if you've the time." The words came out a monotone – so inflection at all.
He hopped out of the Hot Rod and motioned for him to sit at the worktable, grabbing his more slim tools to be able to repair whatever was wrong with the arm. A quick glance over the outside of the arm revealed no damage, so he suspected it was re-calibration that was required. He jimmied open the hatch and plugged in some wires to run a test on the calibration.
"I've been thinking," Tony said softly. "Thor brought me a load of his world's metal back. I'm not sure where you got the new arm from, but if it's HYDRA tech I'd be more than happy to make a new one for you."
There was silence while his computer beeped and whirred, testing the calibration of the arm. Tony started to feel a little uncomfortable, and maybe like he'd overstepped his boundary.
"That's an extremely generous offer, Tony. Are you sure you have the time to take on such a project? It took a good couple of weeks before this one was ready."
Tony nodded. "Of course, I've already made the schematics and FRIDAY has the render for it, she just needs the go ahead."
"Tony, you can ask me where the arm came from, it's not exactly something I'm keeping secret."
He debated it for a moment. "Okay, where did it come from?"
Bucky leaned back against the worktop while the machine carried on working. "So, I did a brief stint in Wakanda, recuperating after the old one was blown off. T'Challa's sister, Shuri, created this new one for me, but she didn't know what the red star was for so she didn't think to take it off. I'm extremely grateful for the arm, but the red star is a constant reminder of what was done to me."
The genius nodded. "I get that." The machine beeped to say it was done and Tony started to make the necessary adjustments to the arm so it would perform normally. "As it would be Stark Tech the need for regular calibrations wouldn't be needed. I can add a chip that links to FRIDAY, she'll take regular readings and if it seems like it needs a tune up, she should be able to do it remotely for you."
"At least I'd bug you a whole lot less," Bucky said, a dark look in his eyes.
Looking up from what he was doing, Tony's smile faltered and dropped. "What? No, not at all! I have no objections to you coming down here. In fact, I've already started clearing out some space for you to tinker in, instead of just finding somewhere to work with my scraps. FRIDAY will order in anything you need, you only have to ask."
Bucky's face hardened again. "I only have one question that needs answering right now, and it's why?"
A thick lump formed in his throat, and it took Tony several attempts to dislodge the blockage. "I…Buck…we…" Tony sighed heavily. "I had to keep you safe."
"Had to?"
He swallowed again, palms sweaty, heart beating far too fast. "Yes."
"So, it wasn't just about keeping other people safe?"
"No," Tony shook his head. "I'm sorry I lied, or, well, only told a partial truth. I just…I don't…know, exactly what this is, that's going on, this growing thing, between us. It…I just…"
Bucky's flesh hand covered the one that was holding the machine he was reading from, and squeezed ever so gently. The hardness in his face was gone, but there was still a sadness to his eyes, but behind that, he could see the gears whirring as he tried to put it all together.
Finished with the re-calibration of the arm, Tony closed the hatch and had Bucky perform a few simple tests to make sure it was back to normal again. Pleased to see all was good, Tony rolled his chair over to his main workbench and picked up his Stark Pad, rolled back, and opened the schematics for the arm he had designed.
"So, I was thinking it would be wise for us to do away with the plates and try to make it more Nanotech, like my newer suits. The movements would be a great deal smoother, less jarring, not to mention it would weigh a lot less," Tony spoke at warp speed. "It wouldn't be completely Nanotech, of course, it would take a lot of time for you to master controlling that, especially when fighting. But I could programme the necessary parts for the connection at your shoulder, so it would only need a series of codes rather than multiple possibilities. Following me?"
Bucky stared at him, a sort of awed expression on his face. "Not in the slightest, but keep going, I like the way your face lights up when you get all technical."
Tony opened his mouth but no sound came out, a blush staining his cheeks. At least that cold, dead look is gone from his eyes, Tony thought. "Sorry, I sometimes forget that not everyone functions like I do."
A lop-sided smile appeared on Bucky's face and his flesh hand twitched where it was resting on his knee. "Nah, doll, I like listening."
Tony's blush deepened on hearing the soft endearment. "Well the long and short of it is that I can programme the Nanobots to work around your shoulder, causing easier rotation, though the ones that are latching into the flesh won't change position, smoother movement, even improved strength. Not that you aren't strong enough, I'm pretty sure you could bench press me with your flesh arm, never mind your metal one. And we can keep the plates below the shoulder, on second thoughts, I'll just make them better so they won't pinch so much, not that you feel the pinching, but I imagine that arm has caused holes in a number of shirts…" Tony drifted off when he realised that he was babbling in his excitement, worried that like always, he had bored his workshop companion into wanting to get out as fast as possible.
But blue eyes just stared at him, warm and curious, with a tinge of hunger. "Doll, I could listen to you all day," he breathed.
Tony inhaled sharply. His brain went from overdrive to complete shutdown, unable to process anything. The machine that had been running the tests beeped its completion and it jarred Tony to life, making his cough awkwardly and pull off the results. "Right, should be easy to fix, just needs a little shimmy-shake here and there and you'll be right as rain."
He did what was needed, working in silence, and Bucky didn't disturb him. Tony wasn't sure if he didn't want to overstep his boundaries, or if he knew Tony would need to concentrate and was letting him focus on his work so as not to cause any mistakes. It only took his ten minutes to have the arm functioning properly once again, and then Tony laid his tools down, locking his hazel eyes with Bucky bright blue ones.
"What is it you want from me?" He whispered.
His eyes were glued to Bucky's Adam's apple while it bobbed a few times. "Honestly, Tony, I don't know. I'm curious to see where it could go. But right now, I just want your friendship, your company, your trust, if I've earned it enough."
His eyes widened in shock. "Earned it? Bucky, I'm the one who just broke that trust! There's nothing for you to earn, Buck, not anymore. I had zero right to treat you as I have, and then I made it worse by triggering you. The fact you're even willing to hold a conversation with me astounds me given that Tash and Clint won't even look at me."
A cold hand cupped his face, and Tony let his head lean into it. "I had some time to think about it, and really, Tony, I get it. I know why you triggered me."
"Why?" He asked, throat suddenly very dry while his heart threatened to hammer its way out of his chest.
Bucky smiled. "Because you didn't just want to keep me safe, you needed to. You feel something for me, something more than the anger, hurt, frustration and even friendship that you have felt. It's deeper, has more meaning," his voice dropping to a husky purr.
Letting his eyes slide shut, Tony nodded. Letting instinct take over, Tony reached up with his arms and wound them around Bucky's neck, pulling him down. He didn't open his eyes, fearful that he might lose his nerve. A pleasurable shiver wormed its way down his spine just as their lips met. It was nothing like their first kiss, when it had been all rushed and unwanted on his part.
But now, now it was sweet, tender, their lips coming together again and again. Then Tony felt the gentle probe of a tongue, and he sighed, allowing it entry, sliding his own along the length of muscle. Every drop of blood in his entire body flooded south, his cock hardening so fast it was painful. An answering hardness pressed into his stomach, unyielding. He hadn't realised Bucky had backed him into the worktop, their hips pressed together, until he felt the hard bite of metal at his back.
He broke the kiss, letting his forehead rest against Bucky's, panting harshly. He stared into Bucky eyes, the pupils wide as saucers in his arousal. "Wow…" he breathed.
Bucky chuckled breathily, his metal fingers playing with the small hairs at the nape of Tony's neck. "For a genius you sometimes have a very small vocabulary."
Tony laughed, kissed him again, and stepped back, trying to regain his equilibrium. "I uh, should get to work on those designs and put FRIDAY into building it all."
A kiss was pressed to his jaw. "Sure, can I tinker in my corner?"
The billionaire nodded, reiterating that he was welcome to stay as long he liked, and come as often as he liked. The workshop would always be open to him. Bucky gave him a blinding smile, and Tony had to spend several minutes calming himself down before he was able to get any work done. It was only as Bucky called goodnight several hours later that he remembered he hadn't asked what Bucky's reason for wanting to stay in the fight was. Then again, he had a suspicion what it was, and Tony smiled at the idea.
*squeals* I must have re-written this kiss scene 50 times before I decided to just accept that their first one was always going to be awkward and never feel like it was happening in the right place. The good news is I have an end goal now and I know where I'm going, just gotta get us there!
For the person who asked me if I was going to include Infinity War, the answer is yes – this fic will expand into IW and Endgame but with, obviously, major differences.