Chapter 20
Jay and Hailey spent a blissful day together. They had breakfast at the local diner, then swung by the grocery store and picked up supplies to cook dinner and breakfast the next day themselves. When they got back to the cabin, Jay again suggested they go swimming. Surprising herself, Hailey agreed, and they stripped down, spending more than an hour in the lake before retreating back inside for lunch.
"Sandwiches okay with you?" Jay asked as he headed for the fridge, a towel over his bare shoulders, hair still damp.
"Yeah," Hailey said, offering a shy smile as she towel dried her wet hair. "Here, let me." She stepped towards the counter, grabbing the ingredients from Jay and setting them on the countertop. Jay pulled down plates as she popped bread into the toaster. As she made the sandwiches, Jay sidled up behind her, sliding his hands around her waist and resting his chin down on her shoulder. Her hands slowed in their work as his lips settled on her neck, quickly finding the sensitive spot below her ear.
"That's not distracting at all," Hailey said, her words playful as she tilted her head to give him better access. He chuckled against her skin before finally pulling away from her. "Hmm, I guess someone's hungry."
"Well, I did work up quite an appetite," Jay replied, referring to their lake activities with a smirk. Hailey laughed, quickly finishing preparing their sandwiches and handing him a plate. They carried them over to the kitchen table and sat down, quickly digging into their meals. They chatted casually as they ate, simply enjoying each other's uninterrupted company.
"So, what else do you have on the agenda for this weekend?" Hailey asked after they had finished cleaning up from their lunch.
"Honestly not much," Jay said with a shrug of his shoulders. "In case you hadn't realized, this was all thrown together pretty last minute."
"Yeah, who knew Jay Halstead could be so spontaneous," Hailey teased, causing Jay to chuckle in agreement.
"Honestly, there's not really much more to do up here," Jay replied. "We did the diner, the lake. That's pretty much the extent of what this place has to offer."
"What did you guys do when you'd come up here as kids then?" Hailey asked, moving over to the couch and sitting down.
"Sometimes we'd fish with my dad. Will would read a lot cause he was a total nerd," Jay said as he joined Hailey on the sofa. She laughed at the typical brotherly teasing comment. "I learned how to ride a motorcycle here actually. My dad bought a total piece of junk bike from a neighbor and spent like two years fixing it up and getting it running. Eventually, he taught me and he'd let me ride since the roads are pretty deserted up here."
Hailey shook her head. "I don't know how you ride those things. It's like asking to get your head smashed in."
"Hey, I wear a helmet every time I ride," Jay argued.
"There's still nothing between your body and whatever you might hit," Hailey countered. "Not to mention there's nothing to strap you on so you could just get thrown."
"Alright, scaredy cat," Jay teased. "You are aware that we both frequently dodge bullets for a living, right?"
"Yes, I am. And some of us dodge a little more successfully than others," Hailey said, proud of her little dig at his expense. She typically never joked about his getting shot as she had never found anything funny about it, but she couldn't help the remark from flying out of her mouth.
"Wow, ok," Jay replied, both shocked and impressed at her quick rebuttal.
"For the record, I do hope your dodging has vastly improved," Hailey said, softening her tone as she reached a hand out towards his chest where she knew his scar was. "You don't need to add any more scars."
"I'll do my very best," Jay promised sincerely.
"Did I tell you that Ellie asked me about your scar?" Hailey asked, her voice quiet.
Jay looked over at her in surprise. "Really? When did she even see it?" He couldn't recall being shirtless around the little girl at all.
"4th of July when you decided to strip in front of everybody," Hailey replied, that teasing edge back in her voice. Jay laughed at the memory.
"That's right," he said. "I may have been overserved that day."
"Yeah, overserved by you," Hailey agreed with a laugh. "Anyway, the next day she asked me about it. She's quite perceptive that girl of mine. She actually asked if it was from you getting shot."
"Damn, she's too smart for her own good," Jay said, knowing most kids her age would never immediately guess that a scar was from a bullet wound. Ellie was, however, acutely aware of the fact that Jay and Hailey were police officers and had dangerous jobs. "What did you tell her?"
"The truth," Hailey said simply. "I didn't want to lie to her." Jay nodded in understanding. "She was very concerned for you. Asked me a million questions about how it had happened and if it still hurt..." Hailey's voice got softer so Jay had to lean in towards her to hear what she said next. "She asked why I didn't protect you." Hailey's eyes were glued to her lap and she was biting nervously at her bottom lip. Jay could tell she was close to tears as he scooted closer to her on the couch, wrapping one arm around her as his other hand went to her face, pulling her gently up to look at him.
"You know what happened that day wasn't your fault, right?" Jay asked, his tone deadly serious.
"I let you go back down to that basement," Hailey replied, voice thick with emotion. "You were hurt, bleeding. I should've stopped you, gone down to get Angela myself."
"Are you kidding?" Jay said. "Then it could have been you that got shot."
"I had a vest on," Hailey said. "And a gun. Not to mention Angela didn't have anything against me personally." Hailey shook her head, tears finally leaking from her eyes even as she reached up to quickly brush them away. She finally composed herself enough to look back up at him. "Almost ten years on the job and I've never been as scared as I was that day. I really thought I was gonna lose you."
Jay shook his head, a sad smile on his face. "Never," he said, and he leaned in to capture her lips in the most tender way possible. When they pulled apart after a moment, he kept his forehead resting against hers. Before he had time to change his mind or overthink any possible repercussions, he spoke again, words he had told himself he wouldn't say this early on, but had felt for so long it was impossible to keep them in. "I love you, Hailey. And I'm not going anywhere."
Her eyes, which had been closed, quickly flickered open and she pulled her head away from his so she could take in his whole face. He worried for a moment that she was going to freak out or pull away further, but she surprised him by taking his hand. She looked down at their intertwined hands and took a steadying breath before speaking. "Those words always use to terrify me. My dad used to throw them around all the time. Usually as his way of apologizing for the latest beating. He'd promise us it wouldn't happened again, and then the next day or the next week we'd repeat the cycle. I guess that's way I haven't had very many successful long term relationships. Every time things would get serious, I'd shut down. It was like hearing 'I love you' became synonymous with expecting to get punched. So anytime someone said it to me, I'd just push them away. That was true until Ellie came back into my life anyway. I promised myself when I took her in that I would make sure she knew she was loved, no strings attached. I wish I had learned as a kid that pain didn't have to be a cost of love. I know I have a lot of baggage and I can't just brush that under the rug, but somehow, somewhere along the way, that broken part of me started closing up. It's not healed, and I don't think it ever will be completely, but having you and Ellie in my life has made me realize that there is such a thing as pure, unconditional love. How you look at me, and at Ellie, no one has ever looked at me like that. And no one has ever made me feel the way you do. Jay, I love you, so much."
The joy of hearing those words come out of Hailey's mouth was almost too much for Jay's heart to take. He had hoped she wouldn't freak out when he said them, but he had never expected, with her history, for her to repeat them back to them now so easily. He was so overcome with emotion that he couldn't help crushing his lips back down against hers, unable to come up with any verbal response that would encompass all that he was feeling in that moment and hoping that his actions would speak for him. She seemed to understand, as she always did, responding in kind against his mouth. She swung a leg over so she was suddenly straddling his lap, her hands finding their way into his hair as she deepened the kiss.
They lay cuddled together on the couch, Hailey lying across his chest, a blanket covering their lower halves. Her fingers traced patterns across the freckles on his chest as he absentmindedly massaged up and down her bare back, his eyes fixed on the empty fireplace across from them, lost in thought.
"What are you thinking about?" Hailey asked, noticing his glazed over look. Shaken out of his reverie by her words, he refocused his gaze back on the woman in his arms with a smile.
"My mom," he replied, glancing back at the family portrait above the fireplace. Hailey quirked an eyebrow up at him in surprise and Jay chuckled. "Sorry, I guess that probably seems a little creepy after what we just did." It was Hailey's turn to laugh, but then she followed his gaze over to the picture. She realized she had never seen a picture of either of Jay's parents before and focused in on them.
"You look like her," Hailey said, noticing the same smile and eyes that she had grown so familiar with over the years.
Jay smiled at her words. "Will used to always tease me about being a mama's boy when we were growing up, but it was true. I loved spending time with her. When we would come up here as kids, most nights my dad would just sit drinking on the dock by himself, and Will would always be reading in our room. So my mom and I would sit here on the couch and watch movies or just talk. She'd always let me lay down on her lap and she would run her fingers through my hair and it always just made me feel so... safe." Hailey smiled at his story. He never really talked about his mom, but she knew her death had been harder for him to handle than his dad's based on snippets of things he had told her and things Will had said about how close Jay and his mom had been.
"She sounds like an amazing mom," Hailey said.
Jay nodded. "She was," he said. "You remind me of her, you know. How you are with Ellie. So sweet and patient. You're an amazing mom, Hailey." She was touched by his words, always feeling a lot of doubt about whether she had done the right thing for Ellie by taking her back in. She hadn't had positive parental role models like Jay to guide her on how to do this. Most of the time, she really only felt like she knew what she didn't want to be like with Ellie, and she went on instinct for the rest.
"I wish I could have met your mom," Hailey said sincerely.
"Me too," Jay agreed. "She always used to tell me that no girl would ever be good enough for me, but she would have loved you. She probably would have met you once and then asked me why the hell a girl like you wanted anything to do with me."
"That's definitely not true," Hailey said with a snicker.
"Well, maybe not, but I do know for a fact that she would have loved you," Jay said.
"For a fact, huh?" Hailey asked. "Why's that?"
"Because you make me happier than anyone ever has," Jay said simply. "And my mom loved anything that made me happy."
Hailey didn't know how to respond, so she simply kissed his chest, right above his heart. They lapsed into silence again for a few minutes.
"I couldn't come here for a long time after she died," Jay finally said after a while. "It was too hard to be here without her. But being here with you... it feels like it did when I was a kid."
"So, are you saying you want to come back again?" Hailey asked, giving his side a playful squeeze.
"Absolutely," Jay said, smiling at her. "We'll have to bring Ellie next time though. We can pull out my dad's boat and I'll teach her how to fish. I've got my old kid-size fishing rod in the shed that she can use. And there's a tire-swing around the side of the lake that we begged my dad to put up. I'm sure Ellie would like that."
Hailey curled down into his chest again, partly to get closer to him and partly to hide the ear-splitting grin that had formed on her face at hearing Jay talk about future trips with Ellie. He was always so willing and excited to include her little girl in their plans despite the fact that their romantic relationship was so new. He already acted as though the three of them were a family, and while that thought would have scared past Hailey, the present Hailey just felt warm all over at the prospect of them one day in the future becoming an actual family, and maybe even adding to it.
A/N: So sorry it's been so long since I last updated. Life got a little busy. I will do my best to update at least once a week from now on. Hope you guys like this chapter. We're heading back to Chicago in the next one and getting back to some family stuff. Let me know what you think and if there's anything you're interested in me exploring with this story. Happy reading!