Disclaimer: This is a non-serial fan fic. Events that happen over the course of the following story have no bearing on – and at times may even completely contradict – future chapters of SNGaP. Please turn your "Continuity Snarl Detector" off while reading. Thank you.

This has been a public service announcement from "Yes, I Realize That Doesn't Fit in Canon, But I Don't Give a Crap Productions".

It was a dark and stormy night.

Well, actually it was only about four in the afternoon, but the heavy cloud cover and pouring rain made it look later than it actually was. All in all, it was rather depressing weather.

Which may explain why Rukia was acting so sluggish. All she had done today was laze around the Vizards' warehouse, staring at nothing in particular. Even when a sandal collided with her head and knocked her off the couch, she barely reacted.

"Damn. She is really out of it…" Hiyori noted.

"Maybe she's sick," Mashiro suggested.

"We've lived here a hundred years and none of us have ever gotten sick!"

Suddenly Rukia shot to her feet and ran for the bathroom. Seconds after the door closed, the sounds of Rukia offering the contents of her stomach as sacrifice to the goddess of porcelain could be heard.

"Okay, maybe she is sick," Hiyori admitted.

"Should we get her some medicine?"

"Where the heck are we going to find medicine that works on a spirit?"

"We could go to Urahara's."

"In this weather?" Hiyori snorted. "Do you own an umbrella?"

"No."

"Me neither. She's just going to have to tough it out."

More retching from the bathroom.

"..."

"…Hey, Stupid Shinji!"

-x-

Kisuke Urahara snapped his fan open with a smile. "So, how can I help you today, Shinji? More manga? Candy? Perhaps a towel?"

A thoroughly soaked and freezing Shinji scowled at him. "J-j-just some med-d-dicine. K-kuchiki'sss got ssome k-kind of bug," he said through chattering teeth.

"Oh dear. I hope it isn't serious." Urahara led him over to a shelf full of various remedies.

"She's just been pretty listless most of the day. Then she started puking her guts out about half an hour ago."

Urahara tapped his fan against his chin. "What an interesting coincidence. There have been some disturbances in the dimensional barriers separating the worlds today."

"Let me guess. You started seeing spikes in activity or something half an hour ago."

"Hit the nail bang on the head." He passed Shinji some kind of tea. "Here, this should help alleviate the vomiting at least. The listlessness probably won't pass until whatever's going on does."

"You think it has something to do with the Hogyoku?"

Urahara shrugged. "The Hogyoku's purpose was originally to modify or remove barriers. It's not unlikely that merging with it gave Ms. Kuchiki some sensitivity to such things."

"But it's not dangerous?"

"Of course not. There are disturbances in the barriers every so often. It's not unusual. They'll settle down and Ms. Kuchiki will be back to her normal self in a few days." He scratched his head. "Well, it probably wouldn't be a good idea to travel to Soul Society or Hueco Mundo right now. It'd be like trying to drive a motorcycle across the Akashi-Kaikyo Bridge in the middle of a typhoon."

"No worries there. Who in this town would be crazy enough to go to either of those places right now?"

-x-

"Son of a bitch!"

Ichigo let loose a string of expletives as he struggled to fix his reishi path. This was the fourth time it had been shattered by one of those weird quakes.

"Well, at least now I know why there weren't any Hollows showing up today…"

A lack of Hollows was a problem, given Ichigo's dietary needs. So he'd had the brilliant idea of going straight to Hueco Mundo for a little take-out. He was sorely regretting that decision.

Another tremor ripped through the abyss between worlds and Ichigo was forced to do another hurried patch job.

"It's days like this that make me hate my life."

-x-

They watched the Arrancar from afar, calm despite the chaos around them.

"The reiatsu's a match. It's him."

"I guess we should congratulate him on making it this far."

"Screw congrats! Let's put an end to this menace once and for all!"

-x-

"Charge!"

Ichigo had half a second's warning before someone shot out of the void and made a beeline straight for him. He got his arm up in time to block the knife heading for his neck. Steel grated against Hierro with a sound like nails on a chalkboard. The force of the collision cracked Ichigo's freshly repaired path.

"Dammit!" Ichigo grabbed the blade and heaved, hurling his attacker back into the abyss. Or at least he tried to.

His attacker righted himself and materialized a platform of reishi under his feet.

"Idiot. If you had attacked without yelling, you might have actually managed to kill him."

Ichigo grit his teeth as another person emerged from the darkness. The two couldn't be more different. Ichigo's attacker was blond, blue-eyed, and tan. The newcomer had raven hair, coal-black eyes, and was almost as pale as Ichigo himself. Both were dressed similarly to Soul Reapers, but the upper half of the blond's outfit was orange and his companion's was white.

"Oh yeah? Well why didn't you do that instead of trying to look cool, bastard?"

Wind shifted and Ichigo threw himself backward, narrowly avoiding a red and black meteor that crashed into the spot he'd just vacated.

"Because I was a distraction for Yoshino to try and get him, idiot."

"You wanna fight, bastard?"

"Cut it out, you two. Focus on the mission." 'Yoshino' was a young woman with pink hair and green eyes. She wore an outfit like the other two, only with a red top.

"Who the hell are you people?" Ichigo growled.

"You don't need to know that. You just need to die." The black-haired one drew the sword sheathed at the back of his waist.

"You got the last one, Taka. This one's mine, so butt out," the blond growled.

"And how do you plan to do that, idiot?

"Like this!" Blue reishi started to gather and spin in the palm of his hand until he was holding what looked like a miniature hurricane stuck into a transparent baseball. "Eat this!" He lunged at Ichigo.

"Like hell!" A crimson orb formed in Ichigo's hand and he brought it to bear against his opponent. "Cero!"

Red and blue collided, each trying to overpower the other.

Yoshino and Taka watched the struggle.

"1000 yen Rasen gets blasted on his ass."

"Hnn. 1500 says that he gets through but ends up eating a punch to the face." Then his eyes widened. "Shit! Rasen, there's another tremor coming!"

Too little, too late.

The quake hit.

Both Ichigo and Rasen were caught off guard. They tried to keep their attacks up and stabilize their footing at the same time.

They failed.

Without his focus on it, Rasen's attack destabilized, the hurricane forces tearing free of his control and mixing with the power of Ichigo's Cero.

"Fuck," everyone present said at once.

Power exploded outward and everything went purple before fading to black.

Thus ends the first chapter of NQaP The Movie.

Like Vathara, I believe the best way to create OC's is to not do so. So we have our mysterious trio antagonists made of Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura expies: Rasen, Taka, and Yoshino.

The Akashi-Kaikyo Bridge is a suspension bridge that connects the islands of Honshu and Awaji. It clocks in at 3911 meters (or about 2.5 miles) long. Like pretty much every modern structure in Japan, it's built to withstand just about anything nature can throw at it. Not the longest bridge in the world, but still definitely a marvel of engineering.