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I don't own anything related to Fate/stay night; this is a work of parody.
Act One: Tanjoubi
Witching Hour (Music) /EQC0DcXFxvE
The days leading to my tenth birthday, my third as Emiya Shirou, were rather ordinary. Now that Dad was returning to his old travel routine, Irisiviel would have to be my main teacher.
It is indisputable she was better at magic and clearer with her instructions, but I wanted Dad to see my progress more than anything.
The last few days before he left, he seemed a little distracted. Even when I showed him how well my strengthening was coming along, he didn't look that happy about it.
Mom was jubilant in comparison. Hmm... Maybe that was the problem. He must be lonely without Mom to be there for him.
It all came down to freeing Irisiviel in the end. If I could do that, then seemingly all my problems were going to be solved.
Dad could live a happy life with the three of us; surely, he'd smile all the time with that.
He'd be proud of me, telling me that I had done something amazing.
'No, that's selfish...'
I can't think like that; a hero puts others before themselves. So by the time he's back from his trip, I need to make even more progress!
Anyway, before Dad left, he told me to envision something that could act as the activation to turn my magical circuit off and on. In other words, the actual 'switch' that would activate my connection to my latent circuit.
I had simplified the method of magic considerably.
It was excellent progress, according to mom, at least. The only problem, at the time, was that I had to figure out a way of closing it.
So I imagined the hammer of a gun, nocked and ready to fire. But instead of imagining it driving a new rod into my back, I thought of it simply turning on what was already there.
And it worked better than I thought it would; it seemed too good to be true.
There were no longer minutes of painstaking focus inserting the scorching rod in my back.
I skipped all that and transformed my body straight into a working conduit for magical energy, or prana, as Mom sometimes calls it.
'She really is awesome to have figured that all out...' I feel like a big idiot looking back on how I thought that my partially successful strengthening of a stick, which took about ten minutes, was a resounding success.
I try something, and she'll fix the problems in it; it's a better way of learning than real school.
So now that we had fixed the circuit issue, the hard part came next.
That would be manipulating the flow and order of magical energy into an order that creates something. In other words, spellcasting.
Learning the structure of magic was like trying to learn grown-up math; to analyze an object, even a simple one, was complicated and tedious.
And to manipulate it was tiring.
All I can say is... everything is connected. All things hold many rivers within them, and when I traced it out in my mind, I could see them. What passed through was not water but prana.
My job in strengthening was to control the flow through these rivers to make the object in question the greatest it could possibly be.
Depending on the object, the difficulty was variable.
An inanimate object, a lamp, for example, was the simplest. Its rivers were few, straight and wide; about Ten in total.
An object high in hardness or made up of more complex elements has the same number, but they are far more precarious than more common items.
After that would be an object that is living but static, the branch of a tree, for example, held about seven hundred streams in it.
Finally, it came to a living creature. When I traced my own hand once, I saw what was inside me. Thousands of rivers ran alongside my blood vessels. They were the same nerves I had been converting into makeshift circuits.
So each time you would reinforce your own body, you run the risk of killing yourself.
Just as you could shatter a knife or lamp by forcing the incorrect volume of magical energy through these rivers, you can also end up bursting all of your blood vessels the same way.
That's why Dad said that I need to wait a long time before I even consider trying it.
Reinforcing yourself is considered the most difficult and the most valuable thing to master with reinforcement magecraft.
According to Mom, It is the main reason that even magi that don't hold an attribute for it will still go out of their way to learn it.
I was pretty good at it; I thought it meant I should just keep going on with it.
But Mom is smarter than me. She told me, "If you feel good with it, then let's move on to something else. When you study a different field, it can also help give you a new outlook on what you already know."
So she told me that the next time we meet, she would be teaching me how to cast a curse. I was happy to hear that, if I associated projection and Reinforcement with Dad, then Mom could be like that with curses.
I didn't want her to be left out, after all.
*A few days later.*
Strange Friend (Music) /9kApyNf3nr4
When my birthday came around, it was just Fuji-nee and me. In fact, for most of the month, it had been Fuji-nee and me. It wasn't anything new, of course. If anything, I spend less time with her than I used to.
The only other person I talked to was Mom, but she was only there every few days.
Dad didn't end up calling, but I imagined he was probably stuck on another adventure. That made me feel better.
Taiga had her friends come over, and we had dinner together. They were all nice and just silly enough that I could see why they could handle being Taiga's best friends.
Otoko-Senpai and Ryuudou-Senpai were nice people; I thanked them for helping me look out for Fuji-nee.
There were a couple of curious moments that night.
First, when Otoko-senpai tried to insist that I let her cook for us all, I didn't allow it. Strangely, when I thought of anyone but me in that Kitchen, I started to feel unusually angry.
Accordingly, I promised Fuji-nee special treats if she would help secure my kitchen from possible invaders. You've never seen someone jump to do something so fast.
'She really is like a pet sometimes.'
It was during dinner, though, after they had a few too many drinks, that Otoko-Senpai would have her revenge on us both.
She started Regaling to me the story of why Fuji-nee would now have an even harder time finding a boyfriend.
Apparently, A rumor started that Fuji-nee had found herself a boyfriend.
This belief stemmed from two facts: Taiga had recently been seen wearing a dress outside of school, something she had never done before.
'Even if it still had a tiger design, why was she looking so much more feminine recently?' They thought.
The other fact that since the start of October, she had started eating beautiful homemade meals for lunch, yet her inability in cooking was legendary.
For a figure like Fujimura Taiga, the school's unofficial mascot, such things didn't go unnoticed.
Her friends, including Otoko and Ryuudou, started questioning her about it; but they understood Taiga. They knew that she would deny any possible romance if they addressed it directly.
So instead, they cajoled her slowly into giving up more and more information about the sort of person it was that was making her the food.
"Hey Taiga! Is it a guy making you that every day?" Ryuudou sat next to her and asked.
"Munch, Munch... Yep!" Taiga moaned out between bites; the food almost acted as hypnosis, she would answer while in that happy mood.
"A good-looking guy?" Otoko continued.
"He's pretty cute... but you know he's surprisingly muscular. Just the other day, it was harder to tackle him to the ground than usual."
"Ahhh!", Her confidence surprised everyone around her; she never seemed the type to be so honest about her passions.
"C'mon, does this guy have a good future ahead of him?"
Taiga tapped her chin in thought, "Yeah, He's a really hard worker; I've been going to his house almost every day, so I'm expecting much from him in the future." Taiga giggled to herself, dreaming about her future with a chef on call.
"Ahhh!" The cafeteria table exploded again from her honesty.
By then, the whole cafeteria wanted to know more.
"Oh, Oh! So how did you meet him?" Even some of her innocent kouhai had shown up and were asking her with hearts in their eyes.
"Well, my Grandfather was friends with his dad, so I went over to his house; at first, I was suspicious of him, but now we're very close."
"Wow, I never thought you'd be fine with an arrangement like that." Her friends were surprised, they had thought Taiga was a free spirit, yet now she seemed fine to accept an arranged marriage of all things.
"Hmm? No, I was thrilled when Grandpa told me about it."
Finally, lunch ended with the penultimate question, the only one that they really wanted to know.
"Do you love the boy who made you this food?"
The entire cafeteria held its breath. Then, after a mouthful of rice, Taiga answered with a blissful look on her face, "Yeah... I love him to bits."
Her confident words spread like wildfire through the classes.
It was only later, in private, that Otoko and Ryuudou would ask her who the lucky guy was.
"Hey, Taiga... so what's the guy's name after all?" Otoko leaned in close.
Taiga seemed a little suspicious, "Hmm, I thought you knew...? "
Otoko's heart raced in anticipation for the identity of the mysterious lover.
'Was it someone in our class, someone I know? What if it's a girl!? or maybe even a teacher!?'
But when the answer arrived, Otoko knew then she made a grave miscalculation.
"... It's my little brother: Shirou," Taiga told her, assuming it was obvious. Why else were they asking all those questions earlier? If not to judge her marvelous rearing of Shirou?
It was the absurd duality of Taiga: for some reason, she thought it was obvious to everyone that she was talking about Shirou, yet she also hid his identity as if people were going to try and steal him away.
"..."
"Hmm? why so surprised? Wait, I see! you just want to take him from me! Don't think you can have him make you lunch too!" Otoko knew she had to run. Fuji-nee's incredible luck had inverted; if she stayed in proximity, then she could be its next victim.
"Yeah... that's why I'm surprised... you know what, Taiga. I need to go!" So she ran off, leaving her friend to her tragic end.
"Oh? okay, see you, Neko-chan."
The next day, the whole school would individually congratulate Taiga on having such a pure yet hidden love.
Even some secret admirers came out and told her how they were happy for her and that the openness of her love had helped them move on.
Of course, she couldn't admit that the one she was talking about was actually her little brother. That would make it even worse. So Taiga had to watch as her young romantic life ended before it even began.
When Otoko finished the long story, Fuji-nee had already completely shut down at the dinner table. She didn't freak out or cry. Instead, she was simply... quiet.
"So, How did you like the story, Emiyan?" Otoko finished her story with a feline smile.
I shook my head and replied, "If it were anyone but Fuji-nee, I wouldn't have believed it..."
I was embarrassed too, but more worried about Fuji-nee.
With the story over, Taiga's embarrassment was so considerable she had lost the ability to freak out anymore. In the end, it had been Fuji-nee herself who was the only one who could bring herself down.
Her chopsticks rose up and down from the bowl to her mouth, but she had long finished. She resembled a broken automaton; A single tear fell from her eye.
'I'm sorry, Taiga...' I had looked at her and apologized in my mind.
The dead look she gave back to me seemed to answer, 'It's alright, Shirou... Twas my own foolishness in the end.'
Of course, the obvious solution would have been to stop bringing my food to school, to say that she broke up with the boy or something. But, unfortunately, Fuji-nee held no capacity for such deception.
"Emiyan, do you see now that Taiga is a bad influence on you...? So you know what, how about you become my little brother instead?"
"Eh, well..." but before I could politely deny her, I was interrupted by the pouncing of a wounded tiger.
"You bitch!" Fuji-nee jumped across the low table, jumping on Otoko in a rage-like state.
Otoko had made a single fatal mistake in her plan. She thought that a wounded tiger was a disarmed tiger. She couldn't be further from the truth.
It was a tiger vs. the common cat; the victor was known from the beginning.
It wasn't long until Taiga was carrying Otoko-Senpai with her teeth, like she was captured prey.
Silent for a long time, Ryuudou-senpai spoke up beside me, "Shirou... you must tell me how you can make girls fight be over you like this." I doubt it will be anyone but Fuji-nee that does these crazy things.
"I don't know... you should stop them, though..."
"Yeah, your right." He seemed used to it.
So Ryuudou-senpai came up with an idea, "Alright Taiga, you have a choice then. I can fix this whole mess; you'll have complete freedom to find a boyfriend... but in exchange, you'll have to give up your status as the big sister of Emiya-Kun to Neko. So it's up to you."
After a short deliberation (her stress devouring the remainder of my birthday cake), she chose what felt right in her heart... and her stomach.
"I choose... Shirou! ... and his food!" Her declaration resounded through the evening, luckily I lived in an enormous house.
'I don't really know how to feel about this...'
Otoko had no choice but agree in the face of such an overwhelming force.
So the night of my tenth birthday ended. Fuji-nee kicked out her friends and tucked me into bed.
(Music Stop)
It had all worked out in the end. I had a nice birthday memory, and Fui-nee had her excuse why she can't find a boyfriend.
I only noticed the morning after that I hadn't thought of Dad the entire night. Thank you for that, Fuji-nee.
The day after my birthday was stormy; a chilly mist came in overnight. The welcome drizzles of the summer were long gone now. Instead, fall's gloomy rain was here.
I couldn't afford not to check if mom was there, but I didn't want to spend money for the bus there. So I ended up walking from school, across town, with an umbrella.
"It was my birthday yesterday, Mom."
"Hmm, why is the first time I'm hearing about this?" She caught me by the scruff of my neck and smirked down at me.
Her eyes betrayed her agitation.
"Uh, well... I didn't want to make you feel bad if you couldn't be here yesterday..." And I was right; she wasn't on the bench when I checked.
"What else do I have to do? I feel pretty good with the strengthening."
"Try it all, Shirou, try everything. Don't be afraid to experiment." That sounded more like a Dad idea than a Mom one.
"Isn't there some right way of doing it?"
"Magic is not as exact as you think, Shirou. You can do it in an infinite amount of different ways; it's just that normal magi have all fallen into the accepted conception of it."
'Err... I'm lost...'
"So as long as it works, it's fine?"
"That goes without saying for you and me, but for those at the Clock Tower, they would try to tell you that if you don't do it the way they think is right, then you must be wrong."
"I see... you said, they're bullies, right?"
"Yes, Shirou, Magi are schoolyard bullies. They will try to trample all over you, so the best way to deal with them is to show that you are not to be messed with."
"I think I get it now."
"Commit it to memory; keep it in mind."
"Yes, Mom."
"..." Iri went quiet then shifted topics.
False Transmigration of the Soul (Music) /c1sZ2q1ZFUY
"Today, I will start teaching you curses, Shirou. It is... not my expertise, Shirou. The magic of it is a little different from how I see it."
"A curse is a bad word, right?"
"That's right, Shirou. But... it's much more than that... much much more than that."
"Think of a horrible punishment, something that you apply to another."
"Isn't that evil..."
"Magic is magic; you can use it as you see fit. There are evil healers and compassionate necromancers. You make due with what you have."
It's the same as dad said, 'all that matters is how you use it.'
"I don't entirely know either, Shirou..."
"Uhh, would Dad then?"
"No, no. He only knows curses through the ones he's had cast at him." have people done that to dad? Why would anyone want to hurt him?
It makes sense, though, magi are bad, and Dad is good. They would indeed fight.
"The stick is your enemy. Make it suffer!"
"Hate the stick, Shirou, think of it, hmm... think of it as the person who started that fire."
"The... fire...?" A vision is forced into my head, of a place scoured by red and black.
The wind burned that day, people begged me for help, but I just walked on.
"...!" I shake off my flashback. But what is burned in doesn't leave so easily.
"You would hate that person, wouldn't you?"
"I would... I would hate them... But it was just an accident, right?"
"Why don't you imagine the stick as such a person. Then, do what you feel comes naturally after that. Magic that is attuned to a person will come to you naturally." My question was left unanswered.
So I closed my eyes and focused. I almost started the trace instinctively, but that would be wrong. I can already do that.
Learning something completely new would be much harder than improving what is already there. It makes me feel respect for the Magi who have to learn everything; they must be incredible.
"The stick is what you hate Shirou, what would you do to that person. They took everything from you; they ended so many lives." She seemed to leave it to me to figure out the rest.
"kill them..?" Could I? killing is bad, But is it if the one you kill is bad too?
So I start to hypnotize myself into becoming a magical circuit.
"Trigger on." The hammer of the gun resounds through my mind, and an electrical charge fills my body.
So I waited, I thought of who it was I hated the most... There is one person I don't like very much. Curse that person.
They don't deserve much of anything, yet they stick around anyway. They're a pest who messed up but never faced enough repercussions for it.
'Its true, I hate them!' I really, really do.'
'The stick is them! The stick is them!'
"Trace on; Penalty on." The starting penalty is five. Life penalty, body penalty, freedom penalty, fame penalty, fortune penalty. Give the penalty that extends so much punishment, mud, darkness, and malice.
"Composition, analyze." 'What is the penalty they deserve...?'
'why choose when I could pick them all?'
'Death penalty penal servitude imprisonment custody fine penalty, crime from a grudge, crime from self-interest, unconscious crime, self-conscious crime, civil war, inducement, false statement, theft, robbery, kidnap, suicide, rape, arson, bombing, violation, negligent homicide, mass violence, death at work, overconfident accident, misdiagnosis, concealment, violation for benefit, violation for self-protection, violation for love, violation for respect, Selfish, life without love, death at the hands of a friend, false ideal, no hope for change. Stealing fraudulent fraud concealment murder theft crime personal grudge, attack attack attack attack dirty dirty dirty you are dirty atone atone atone atone every violence every crime every victim atone for everything!!!!!!!!!'
It's like being cracked open by a flood, originating from within.
"…Composition, reinforce." I try to bring it all through.
"Guh…!" The heat in my body increases. What I am trying to do is beyond my means, but I can't stop.
I'm trying to do it the same way I do everything. The method is no different from reinforcement.
Every crime of the people in this world. One trapped in that darkness will eat themselves to death from pain and hatred.
I continue to push; the streams start to overflow and twist. It should be shattering, but for some reason, it is kept together. It is not allowed the escape of oblivion.
I am trying to bring a million or more through a passage that can only handle three hundred at a time.
'I don't need it all,' I realize. Greed is a sin itself.
"Ah!" It's still not enough. It's shy; it doesn't want to go further than where it has already made it to.
In that way, I succeed. The one I hate the most is dismembered.
The heat of my body is mercilessly stolen, and it all dissipates within itself. My circuit is forcibly closed.
The trance ends. Gradually I realize what I was trying to do.
I opened my eyes, my mind cleared from the self-hypnosis, and see... nothing.
The end does not wait for me here.
All that weirdness... and nothing had changed? Nothing happened to the stick.
'I swear it wasn't a miscast.'
"Ahh!"
A redness started to fill my vision, and it really hurt my sight. I felt especially weak all of a sudden; I couldn't stay here anymore. I had to leave; that was the only thought left.
"It's time for me to go..." I felt fragile now. I need to get home. Why hadn't I noticed I was completely soaked in filthy water?
I glanced at mom and saw her face. She was not how she normally looked. Somehow... darker, with eyes that hungered something terrible. When she looked at me, I felt nothing but hatred, no love at all.
"Run now. I want to be alone. Leave!" I couldn't tell if she screamed or whispered. My ears weren't working too well.
I had disappointed her before, but I had never seen her so... hateful.
"Bye..." I moved away like a zombie, barely understanding what was going on. Walking faster and faster, I felt like something was behind me.
When my mind cleared of fog, I ran straight to the bus in fear. A delayed response, unnecessary now, but the terror was overwhelming. It's like I am running from the fire itself, reborn.
I made it to the bus well ahead of time. Looking out the window, I could see the Shinto still was busy even in this weather. Luckily this bus driver knows to keep a seat open for me at the front; it was completely full of people avoiding the rain.
I sat down, and I started feeling better. The long-run through the rain drained me. I'll ask Dad about more money for a two-way bus fare, maybe... Nah, I'm already asking for so much with just one per day...
I don't feel bad anymore. It's weird; I should be freakin it out, but I think I'm used to it now. I dried off next to the heater.
I couldn't wait to get home and have some nice calming tea; I'd love a nap but leaving Fuji-nee hungry is a bad idea. Hmm, maybe I'll make her something and put it in the fridge.
'Definitely need to work on curses, I just went off and did something weird.' I just need to move on.
A Beautiful Melody (Music) /nc2V00WLv_4
These idle thoughts were interrupted, however, by a surprising sight. A little girl in a red coat was barreling down the road, straight towards the bus.
She wasn't going to make it in time; It was already a minute over the departure time. I couldn't just stand by, though!
"Wait, mister! a girl is coming!" I got up and stopped the bus driver from closing the door.
"Huh...?" he looked at the mirror and saw a flash of red coming close.
"...I guess you're right, kid, thanks." He grumbled, but he waited in the end.
A few seconds passed before she hopped on; she had stopped for a few seconds before entering, I think to redo her ruffled hair.
With her on, the bus driver immediately closed the doors.
'Ahh!' It's the same girl I saw the other day.
She stopped at the front and gazed frozen into the bus, the only seat open was next to me, but she seemed to be looking everywhere but here.
So I helped her out, "My seats open here." I patted next to me.
She looked around a bit more, even towards the exit, before sighing. "Hah..."
She shook her head and took the inner seat beside me. Our small size gave us plenty of space.
I didn't want to annoy her too much with my presence, so I went back to looking out the window.
Little did I know that my fate had been sealed the second I stopped the bus driver from closing the door.
...*Stare*
I feel a little uncomfortable. A chill passes through my neck.
There's an unnatural smell of sweetness in the air, it's not strong, but it's like passing the pastries shop.
I look back and observe the girl, but she seems normal enough. Crossing her arms and looking away from me.
It must be my imagination...
I go back to appreciating the dark clouds.
...*Stare*
"Huh? What is it?" She looks at me confused, not even a hint of anything bad in her expression.
She was examining a little book; I think those western characters are (English Dictionary.)
But my mind's eye was telling me that looking away again would be a dreadful mistake. The sweet smell seemed only to intensify when I turned towards her.
"Uhh, M-my name is Emiya Shirou... Nice to meet you..." Since we were was sitting, I bowed in a really stupidly awkward manner.
'Why am I so nervous?'
"Uhh, so what's your name?" I continued dumbly.
"Tohsaka Rin, it is good to meet you as well." exuding confidence, she smiled sweetly and introduced herself.
Her smile was good, but it was prepared. I could tell, compared to the sincerity that Dad and Fuji-nee's smiles had, hers was not quite right. Not as defective as Mom's, though.
"I'm a third-grader. What about you?"
"You don't know who I am...?" She looked dissatisfied.
"Err, no...sorry..." am I supposed to?
"Hmph, it's fine. You must not pay attention in school is all," she said that, but she still appeared irritated.
"Sorry, I don't have many friends, I guess..."
"If you did, you'd know I'm the top of our class." She seemed proud to say it.
'I didn't even know they measures that at out I'm pretty sure they don't...'
Something about her made me believe it.
"Wow, you must be very smart, Tohsaka-san!" I said so honestly.
"Hmph, I'll take that as a compliment, Emiya-Kun." She addressed me as Kun...
"Eh, Emiya...Kun?" I felt embarrassed that a girl my age called me that.
"Something wrong with that?" her sweet smile seemed to allow no disagreement.
"It's alright." She nodded jer head as if it didn't matter what I said.
Now that the awkwardness had been broken between us, I didn't see any reason I shouldn't try to get to know this girl.
"Wha-" I start to ask something to keep the conversation going, but she talks over it.
"What is it you are doing every day after school?" Her question blindsided me.
"Uhh, Uhh... "
"It's just that every time I come to Shinto, I see you somewhere. Then, the other day I see you in Miyama, near where I live. It's a little suspicious, is all. You're not following me, are you?"
"Err, I haven't been following you, Tohsaka-san." Why would I do that?
"Do you take the bus often? I haven't seen you here before."
"No... I don't like to spend unnecessary money; It's just that today... I didn't have any good alternatives."
"I could help pay for you; I don't mind."
She really thought about it for a second, then shook her head, "No... I wouldn't want to be in your debt."
It wouldn't be good to use Dad's money like that frivolously. I need a job... 'Why can't ten-year-olds work!?'
"Don't get the wrong idea. I didn't want to sit with you or anything." her sweetness soured for a moment.
"Oh... sorry about that." Only to disappear quickly again as if it didn't even happen.
"Hmph, it's fine if you understand."
"Well, I'm trying to make a friend my age. Maybe I can see you in school from time to time, or on the bus, maybe?" I said so casually.
Her sweet face crumbled fully at that.
"F-f-friends!?" She stuttered.
"Yeah?" What's so surprising about that?
"No... Emiya-Kun, that's not how you're supposed to do it at all... Sorry... I can't have a friend like that."
"Aww, really? That's too bad..." Of course, I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up like that.
That's how it is, though. If she says she can't be my friend, then I guess that's that.
I've already been blessed to have Mom, Dad, and Fuji-nee. I shouldn't be selfish for anything more.
She was staring at me again.
"Ah, okay. But if you're ever on the bus again, we can share a seat, I guess." She added suddenly.
I could almost smile at that.
"I don't usually take the bus... but if I do... then... okay..." Then, for some reason, she looked away from me.
"Okay, Emiya-Kun, I'll see you around." She nearly left, but she froze and looked back at me.
"Oh, earlier, did you notice any–" She stopped and closed her eyes.
Shaking her head, she seemed to stop herself, "No, forgive me, it's nothing." She looked different for a second, a little more serious.
'What was she going to say?'
It doesn't really matter, "Oh, uh, see you later then."
We parted and went our separate ways from the intersection.
Tohsaka was sweet; that's the only word I could give her. She even smelled like it for some reason. I could only admire her.
It was simply a matter of how much of that sweetness was real, or was it the sour that was who she was?
'I wonder what sort of place she lives at. What is her family like?'
I was glad we were able to talk.
I don't think I made a friend today... more of a... occasional bus buddy. I was fine with that.
October would be done by the time Dad found himself home, and Mom hasn't show up since then.
Reunion (Music) /efpGRmC85j4
Ending another normal day, I made myself home. Mom didn't show up, but that's fine. I like to sit there sometimes by myself too.
Marking the first day of November, I Slide the entrance open, enter the kitchen, and am confronted with an unexpected sight.
"Ah, Shirou." Dad rested next to the table, sipping his tea.
"D-dad!?" He was visibly tired.
"I'm back, Shirou." He smiled shallowly.
It's a smile that makes me forget all my worries.
I put away my school supplies and sat across from him.
"Where did you end up this time, Dad?"
"Oh, you know... this time it was Germany and Great Britain."
"Wow! Can you speak German, Dad?" He seems to like going there.
"Haha, yes, if poorly. However, English can get you most places in Europe."
"Does Fuji-nee know your back yet?"
"No... How has she been?" He sipped his tea casually.
"Well... she's still undefeated at least."
"At least? did something happen?"
"Well, listen to this..." So I tried my best to tell the story of Fuji-nee's romantic downfall as well as Otoko-Senpai did. I tried to leave out the little detail that apparently I was the one people thought was her secret fiance, but it seemed like Dad saw through my attempts.
"Hoho, that's certainly something I could see Taiga-chan doing. You're becoming quite the lady killer, Shirou."
"You know that's not true, Dad." I rubbed my neck in embarrassment
"Just a joke, hah..." He sighed, and his smile seemed to flicker.
'He's a little funny.'
"Anyway, what was Britain like?" I said
"Hmm, it's rainy, Shirou. London seems very big, but compared to Tokyo, it's actually small. What else? I guess the people there are cranky all the time."
"Do you not like it there?" Why go then?
"Not particularly, Shirou. I only went on... business, and I left fairly quickly. There didn't seem to be " I wonder what sort of stuff they do in London.
"That's too bad.. did you at least have fun in Germany."
"..." He didn't respond, just sipping out of his tea blankly.
"Dad...?"
"Huh, Shirou? Oh, yes. Germany is... cold." that was all he said.
"Cold...?"
"Yes, it's a cold and unforgiving place. No place a child could thrive in; I'm happy we can live here, Shirou."
"Yeah..." He was off today, just like before.
When he came back last time, he suddenly made me his apprentice. Now he seemed to have fallen back into the same strange state.
"I'm sorry, Shirou." he interrupted my thoughts with an apology.
"I couldn't be there on your birthday... sorry about that."
"It's alright, Dad. I had a good time."
'Why is going to Germany? What is attracting him there?"
"...!" there is something. A fact that comes to my head.
Irisviel is German.
A cold place; A stagnant place where all that changes is the snow that comes with winter.
It's a place I saw... when I was connected to Dad...
'But why am I remember that?'
There was a girl.
'The name was... Ilya, that's it. What was she called Kiritsugu?'
I didn't know what it was; I could only tell it was important to remember.
That's how it always seems to be for Emiya Shirou. He knows that there is something important he must do. He's just unsure what it is.
So I said what I could, "Whatever it is, Dad... I'm sure you find it someday."
"Shi-rou?" He looked at me for the first time today with clear eyes.
'Was it because I wasn't backing away from it?'
I didn't want him to be sad. I could continue to pretend, be a normal kid.
If only to keep up this illusion between us.
It wouldn't end well, though, I realized. So
"I could help you, and Mo -, err Fuji-nee too!"
His face softened, and he smiled again.
'That's better. That's the smile I wanted to see."
"Than Shirou, I'm glad your here."
"I did want to show you my progress while you were gone. Can we do that later?"
"Progress, Shirou? In school?" Dummy, what else would it be in?
"In magic, of course!"
"..."
"...Do you not want to see it...?" did he not care?
"I'm just surprised, is all... But, Shirou, you know that I don't care how adept you become. It's how you use the magic that matters... So you don't have to make it sound like you improved while I was away."
"But I did!"
"Hmm, I believe you, Shirou. At least... You may believe that, but how exactly did you go about improving while I wasn't there."
"Uhh, I just had an excellent teacher, is all. Yeah... I just remembered your lessons, and I feel like I understand them now." I wasn't lying, really. I really did start understanding all the things he had told me. The lessons of Mom helped me understand the lesson of Dad.
It still felt horrible to do to him, though.
"..." Dad looked at me in a way I hadn't ever experienced in my time as his son.
His eyes were dark and... suspicious.
"Sorry..."
"Let's see it then." he slowly gathered himself and walked with me to the dojo.
"Okay!" So I ran off to the dojo and showed him
He was speechless at some point as I talked about tracing the structure of things. I even gave away some of the things I've been learning about curses recently.
I still can't curse anything, though. Nothing ever seems to happen when I try. It's not a miscast; I don't think at least. It's just that there is no effect.
Neither Mom nor I get it all.
So I didn't show that off, but when Dad saw me reinforce things really fast one after another, he got really quiet.
He stopped me after I went too fast and started getting dizzy from expending so much energy in a short amount of time.
The way he looked at me then was a look of abject shock. It is not something I wish to see again. I didn't get it.
He walked out after whispering that he needed to think for a little while. He was probably tired, is all. I shouldn't have pushed him to see me...
'I'm so stupid.'
I had improved so much in a month, but it hasn't been enough. I needed to go further. I need to bring Mom home.
Ever-present feeling (Music) /3L1DEvzsftw
I had failed... again.
Two years of preparation, favors, spying, practice; all it resulted in was nothing but two weeks worth of hospital bills.
I couldn't even find where the damn bounded field started. I looked and looked through that forest, and in the end... It was just an endless woodland.
All I gained for three days of searching night and day was a bad case of pneumonia.
Leaving me stranded in a hospital across the world from my home, in the place where my enemy lay.
Yet they sent no one, not a person. I was ignored, like some sort of trash.
I was powerless; all it took to neuter me was to ignore me with a bounded field. I wasn't Irisiviel; she was the real magus. I'm just a washed-up old killer.
I almost wished they would just end it if only to be acknowledged, if only I could reach her somehow.
But I'm glad; I don't deserve to give up just yet. Not as long as there is still a chance.
I came home limp. My whole body felt so weak. I needed rest. But Ilya needed me, so I'm stuck in an unwinnable situation.
The boy waited for me like I had never left, wanting to get all the stories of the world. I couldn't help but love that he looked up to me; I just hope he won't make the same mistakes.
I gave the boy what he needed. If I didn't have to regret him, then maybe that would be enough...
The months flew by, and he took to the magic well enough. Too well, perhaps, when I told him his life would be in danger every step of the way, he took it without trepidation.
As if he was almost happy to suffer.
But my strength was mustering again.
I had no favors, no allies, no plans... no good ones, at least.
Effectively, no hope.
I would go again, and again, and again. It's all I can do now; I broke my promise. I can at least try to make up for it with all I got.
Each time would be miserable, but I feared the day that I could bear it. The day that I can honestly smile is the day I give in.
(Music Stop)
It was another November without her that I started to notice what was happening in front of me.
Shirou asked me to infuse him with a magical connection. It was a bizarre moment, considering the normal implications of such an offer.
How he had come up with such an idea, I have no idea. When I realized what it could do for him, I was startled. I wasn't sure that I should even do it, knowing he was becoming closer to what a magus is and away from a magic user.
'Is he some sort of magical prodigy?' I thought at the time.
Without a magical crest, I had always thought that you would have to form a magical circuit manually.
Yet this boy developed this idea by himself, to force open the latent magical circuit and create a switch to turn it off and on. That's something beyond me; Iri would have got it, though.
Whisper of Darkness (Magic) /9V2ohFtiYV0
I felt horrible that I had been teaching him so incorrectly; maybe Irisiviel and I should have actually spent those study sessions learning magic rather than in bed together.
But the wonder turned into confusion, and the confusion became suspicion.
Shirou had started improving rapidly; he would come to lessons knowing things I never told him.
When I left for Germany, he struggled to apply bluntness to a sharp object, and by the time I returned, he had seemingly mastered it. The further you push yourself as a magus, the more you destroy who you really are. I had thought to give him a routine to live his life, but it was going too far.
I realized it then. He was already better with reinforcement than I was... It wasn't right.
He was talented in certain magics, that likely was the result of his origin and element. Even still, you can't learn the theories of magecraft without a teacher, and I was absent for a month... It wasn't right.
So I made some changes. I stopped teaching him in our lessons and simply watched him practice. Yet every few days... he would show off some new idea, it wasn't right.
Shirou was a bright young boy, but he was no genius. Could this boy really magic at the same speed as a real magus by himself?
There was something not right in the air here; I had been so focused on trying to make it to my daughter that I didn't notice my son had started acting peculiar.
What other possibility was there? That some other magus was secretly training him?
Or that his Origin was directly giving him knowledge? I don't know how to test for an origin, but I think it wouldn't be necessarily good for him to know. It can be a damning thing, after all.
They were both utterly preposterous ideas, yet I couldn't let go of the idea that there was something more to all this...
My suspicious nature had already driven so much of the good from my life.
But I wanted to have him at least, so I can't back down if there is something unusual in the air.
I was able to hold myself back for a time, but when it came to be November twentieth, the somber cold winds of winter broke my faltering.
November twentieth was Ilya's birthday, another birthday spent away from me, another birthday in which her father broke his promise.
A more spineless man would drink himself to slumber or take out his frustration on innocents. I had killed many such men.
If I can't be there with her, the second best thing I can do is to at least be there for him.
A more conscious man would admit to being lonely, but I was not that either.
So I followed him after school ended as he walked across the entire city, drawing closer and closer to the location of both my greatest failure and only victory.
I think I had realized it then. He was sitting alone on a bench, speaking to his side as if someone was there. It hurt me to watch; the pride in my single success began cracking.
I had messed up; I had thought that creating a space between us would allow him the opportunity to grow on his own, far from the influence of who I was. But it seems I had left him isolated, easy prey for his inner demons.
Why else would he come here, if not to bask in the misery of his forgotten life?
I would just have to pull him forward then, even if it hurts us both.
'Atone atone atone atone atone!' three voices moan out from a far off place.
They want me to end it already. I know that goddamnit. As soon as I can leave Shirou and Ilya happy and well, together preferably, then I can give you what you want.
I had no pride to lose, whatever I must say to keep him. I will do so.
I had already fallen into the most challenging path. If I can only save them both by becoming serious... then that just what I will have to do.
(Music Stop)
I liked the walk to the park; the way was always lively, so I never felt unsafe. All sorts of people walked the same path I did.
Dad never seems to mind giving enough money for the bus fare back. Nor did he ever ask much what I was doing; I'm glad that he trusts me like that.
Today was chilly, the summer-long gone and November here in force.
I think everyone is happier when it's not so cold out; winter isn't my favorite season.
For me, I don't particularly like the feeling I have whenever that anniversary comes around. For Dad, it's complicated, hell tell the story of how he saved a million times... but he never says any else about that day.
'Snowfall always makes him a little sad.' I believe.
But we're not there yet. There's still a little way until winter is here.
I arrive at the park and move towards the bench I always find her at.
'There she is!' I'm happy she's here today. I hadn't seen her for about twenty days; I think she hates me now.
Stranger (Music) /MhAcoQuGfHg
"I'm here, Mom..." I snuck up on her and jumped into the spot next to her.
"Oh, you surprised me, kid." Kid? Well, I am, but she's never called me that.
'Huh?' her voice sounded a little heavier today too.
"Are you sick today, Mom?"
"It's just this weather. A part of me is... miserable today, so I'm here instead."
'Okay... that makes no sense but fine; Mom likes to talk in riddles sometimes.
"I'm going to ask you something, Shirou."
She said so not as a question but as a warning.
"Okay..."
"What do you think of God, Shirou?" She said with a soft bitterness.
"Kami-Sama...?"
"Yes, Shirou, what do you think of Him?"
"...I don't know... Dad and I, we pay respect at the temple on holidays, but I guess I don't think about that very often, sorry."
"It's fine; I was just interested in what you thought." She seemed... different than normal, I couldn't say what it is, but there was a different air about her today.
"Well... what do you think about God?" I didn't know what to say, so I asked her it back.
She softly laughed in response, but it sounded almost sad, "Haha... hahaha... If only you knew how long I've waited for someone to ask me that... it's a bit funny, is all."
"..." Was it the cold air?
'Cold weather does make some people sad; that's probably what it is.'
"God is hollow, Shirou. He does not exist."
"Really...?" Due to the lack of faith in my life, her harsh words didn't make me feel bad.
She continued as if I hadn't spoken, "Religion is a shared illusion, the result of the simple wishes of people. Their prayers, for tranquility, for the forgiveness of daily sin..."
Haven't I heard something like this before...?
"...Of course, an illusion accepted equally by all becomes reality, yet then humankind will have to confront the disparity between their beliefs and the truth of the world..."
Was it... a dream? one I've seen many times.
"...So they strengthen the illusion by creating monsters that exist separate from their faith. So that no matter what, they will have their enemy, their reason. The true cause of their suffering."
A name came forward instinctively, "Is that like... Angra Mainyu?" She slowly turned her crimson eyes at me.
"You know that name, do you… eh, It's not so surprising. But yes, you are right to think that."
How did she know so much about a dream I had...
"A hundred kindnesses and one malignancy. The malignance shines bright to keep the balance and exists as a great "evil" to compete with the masses of kindness. But what happens when it can't compete alone anymore? Shirou, the human order needs demons as much as it needs heroes. So they will make as many monsters as they need."
"So… all the bad guys and heroes are both made by people?"
"Hmm, not all monsters come from humanity. Some come from other places, like the moon, for example." The moon? That's weird.
"If there are real monsters out there, then why would they need to make more?" That sounds wrong.
"For Humans, it is never enough. For every second they suffer, they require a greater devil to justify it. The question I have for you, Shirou, would you give that to them?"
"Would I give… what?"
"You told me once you wanted to be a hero, like Kiritsugu. So I'm just wondering, how far would you go, Shirou? if you could put an end to the suffering, would you do whatever it takes to do that?" She asked earnestly.
'She is questioning me, the same as Dad did.' I have to give my best answer.
My fists tightened as I tried to think of what would be right, "I…I-I don't know. I don't want people to be sad anymore..."
I take another deep breath to compose myself.
"...I'm going to find a path where everyone can be happy; no one... no one... would have to… cry anymore. Not even the monsters..." That's right... a hero can't compromise his ideal.
"I see… Shirou, is that what you want?" she wasn't looking at me, but it felt like she was still testing my resolve.
"Yeah." Even if I'm still young, I won't break on this!
"To give someone what they want is the work of a demon; to give someone what they need is the work of a hero. But you...you are greedy Shirou..."
She sighed and continued, "Hah, just don't lose track of yourself, else you lose everything you're trying to hold on to."
"..."
'To save someone means not to save someone else.' Dad's words echo in my mind.
'I know that!' that doesn't mean I'll ever be okay with it. I won't accept it.
"No matter what you choose, just know I'll be looking out for ya, kid." Her hand rested on my hair and ruffled it around.
The mood shifted a little.
"I know that, Mom."…do you always have to be so embarrassing?
A cool breeze blows the fallen leaves across the park, a few fall on me. Though Mom is unaffected, she never seems to change.
The red eyes, pale skin, and white hair.
'Ugh!' just like with that girl!
I'm reminded to ask her what I came here for.
I had to know: who was she?
So I asked her something that I felt wasn't a betrayal of Dad, "...When did you meet Kiritsugu, uhh... when you were a kid?"
"In a way, I was just a child, but I looked no different then than now. But, well, I guess I did encounter some... unforeseen changes."
".." Why would dad be playing with a girl who looks like Irisiviel, yet wasn't actually her?
The idea that I confused the name Ilya and Iri crossed my mind, but for some reason, I was sure there was more to this than that.
"..." What else could it be... unless...?
"What is it, Shirou?" she always could tell what was on my mind.
(Music stop)
It was an embarrassing question...
"...Did you and Dad... have a baby? Err, Ilya or something..." I'm not completely sure how that all works, but I know that something happens with a man and a woman.
"..." It was sort of a joke-like question, yet she continued to be aloof.
"Mom...?"
"I don't think it is my place to tell you."
"..."
"Why don't you go now then. Remember to keep up the practice; we're counting on you in this."
"Yeah, I've been doing it every morning and night, just like you said." I was happy to practice now that I was on the right path.
"Good, good. Now get going; it'll be dark soon... someone is waiting for you to leave." I didn't want to annoy her any longer.
"Yeah, See you tomorrow!" My eyes were starting to strain anyway; I probably wouldn't have felt very good if I stayed any longer.
"See you later." I wish one day I'd know when she would be there or not. But, better yet, she could be with us at home.
'A hero, though...'
I don't understand much of what she says, but I don't think I'll forget it.
Maybe one day I can find my answer.
I thought I was done for the day, but when I made it to the edge of the park, something unexpected happened.
"Shirou." A man's voice surprised me from behind.
Turning towards it, I saw someone I wouldn't ever expect to see here: Dad was here.
It was such a sudden change that it felt like my heart had gone still.
Dad and Mom were both here at the same time.
"I-I can explain..." we weren't far off from her bench. If he looked over there at all, then he would have clearly seen her. So much for our surprise...
"It's fine, Shirou." he approached me and put his hand on my shoulder.
"Dad...?" he seemed... sad.
"If you're feeling lonely, Shirou, then you should say something... I know that I might not be the greatest father, but... I'm here, you know." This isn't what I was expecting from him...
"Dad... but... what about mom-err, Irisiviel... I'm sorry I kept it a secret from you..." I was babbling tensely; I felt like I had been caught doing something bad.
I had; I lied to Dad about his own wife.
Keeping a secret like this from Dad was a bad idea; I always thought that. But, more than anyone, I know I can trust him. Now I feel like I've betrayed him.
He didn't seem angry, "I see, you learned something troubling, haven't you... Let's sit down." He walked me to the bench, where Mom sat on her side.
She was silently observing us, intently looking into Kiritsugu.
But they didn't regard one another.
"Dad..." My senses had become shot by the utter confusion.
But I sat on the bench obediently, taking up the middle—mom and Dad on either side of me.
It's something I yearned for, for us to be together like this. But it's not going at all according to how I thought.
They treated one another as if the other simply wasn't there. No-I could tell Mom noticed him, but it seemed as if Dad simply didn't even see her.
"Tell me, Shirou, where did you hear that name?" His voice was... surprisingly soft. I would think that he would hate me for lying to him.
"Dad, Can't you see h-?!" I was finally going to say what was in my mind, but Mom interrupted me with a hand on my shoulder.
"It's not that he is ignoring me, Shirou. It's simply that he can't see me." her voice was back to normal now.
"..." What...!?
"Shirou...?" He seemed a little hesitant calling me.
'What do I do? What is happening!?'
When a web of lies intersects another, the one caught in the middle either springs free or becomes entirely entangled.
I could at least try to be as honest as possible to make up for the lying I've done.
"...When we did the mana transfer, I saw a weird dream, y-you were with a little girl... Sorry, I should forget about it..."
Sighing deeply, he continued, "Hah, but perhaps that is for the best. I never wanted to involve you in it, but... it may already be too late."
"..."
"...I had a wife once Shirou, the name you say: 'Irisiviel von Einzbern' that was her..." That confirmed what I already knew; I knew now that Mom was definitely not an imposter.
"To think you ever doubted me on that, Shirou." That very Irisivel spoke up beside me, yet Dad's face showed no recognition of it.
'he really can't see her, yet she can see him?' it makes no sense, yet magic is the denial of rational sense. I should have never thought that the problem was so simple we could have walked home together. I don't think she can even leave this bench. I started to realize how hard it really would be to bring mom home.
"...You also... have a sister..." The words fell from his lips
"A sister...?" it was a revelation that hit me harder than I thought it would. I was astounded by this; my mind was running so fast now at once I was blanking.
"Yes, Ilyasviel Von Einzbern. It's her birthday today; she is... one year older than you." Big... sister?
"You never told me that. Why isn't she here!" I'm aggravated. How could I have missed something like this for so long?
I wanted to meet my real big sister, Fuji-nee was similar, but our relationship was different than that.
"The problem is... I can't reach her." What?
"I can help you! I'm good with magic now!" He sighed, listening to me.
"Hah, This is why I didn't want to tell you..."
"But what about Irisviel? Shouldn't you be trying to save her too?"
"..." He closed his eyes and appeared to be deep in thought.
"Irisviel... died, Shirou." huh? Death, like what happened to my original family?
'No, she's right there!'
"That's not true; why are you lying!?" Why am I hearing all this important information all of a sudden?
"Shi-rou?" he stared at me, surprised I could even have an outburst like that.
"...I know... death is hard to accept, but there is no way but to move on. I wish I could have saved her when I had the chance; I was foolish then, Shirou."
I looked to Mom to help me somehow, but she just shook her head.
"I did die, Shirou. Your Dad is not the lying sort. Don't worry, though. I'm just stuck, is all, as I told you. You're the one who will have to bring me out of it." I... didn't understand.
"..."
"The best that I can do to serve her memory is to give you and Ilya the best means to live on. That's the best I can do, at least."
"S-she must have loved you a lot..."
"Far more than I deserved, Shirou. She would have been a great mother for you, I'm sure."
Mom spoke up next to me, "Tell him this, Shirou, 'You may never be able to forgive yourself for not saving the world, but you didn't run away. So you can't let it end just yet.'"
"You may... not be able to forgive yourself for not being able to save the world, but what matters is that you didn't run away. So you can't let it end just yet."
"Shirou?" his face was every manner of confused.
"..." They were words beyond a ten-year-old's ability. Well, they weren't mine at all.
"Those words... no, it's nothing..." he looked at me like I was exceptional.
"...About Ilya or, err Onee-san...'
"Yes...?"
"Where is she?" Maybe I could go and get her; if it's close enough, I could bike.
"...Germany, Shirou. She's in a place I can't reach." My eyes went wide.
"That's... the trips." all that time, I was lonely while he has gone; he was working hard trying to find Ilya.
'I've been so dumb, wanting him to come home.'
"I'll come with you next time!"
"No. Shirou, the best thing you can do for me is staying here. So I know you can be safe... keep up the magic training, I trust you." The smile he had implied that at one point, his confidence began to falter.
"Free me, Shirou, and we can do it together. Remember when I told you that Kiritsugu had a problem he couldn't solve all alone? But think, imagine what we could do together."
"Besides, you don't even know English, so you cant go to Europe." They spoke at the same time with me as the sole recipient. it was a little surreal
"Okay... I'll do my best from here, then."
Dad looked back at the bench where Iri waved us goodbye. His gaze lingered for a second before he moved away. I could only imagine what it was that he saw there. But it was proof to me that Mom was there, even if only a feeling to others besides me.
So Dad brought me home, leaving mom all alone. A huge weight had been taken away from both of us. Only to be replaced with the implicit expectation that he would figure out some way to save Ilya.
I wish I could tell him I'm trying too, but I think I understood why mom didn't want Kiritsugu to know. She did not want him to know both his loved ones could be saved yet were simply out of reach. So it fell to me to save Iri and to Dad to save Ilya.
The world seemed to be slowly getting bigger; I realized that my journey would only start with freeing Mom. I didn't want to pester dad about Ilya when I would get to meet her myself.
'I want to meet you... Onee-san.'
How the heck do I free someone that died? I didn't know what to do. Things continued to change after that day, but slower than I would have liked.
Authors notes.
Today is my birthday. It sort of just happened that the chapter also had birthdays as the main point.
The next chapter will be titled 'Matou' and will push another year or so. This chapter only covered about two months or so. I will probably go through this later again for another edit.
How Shirou sees other people is abnormal, he feels little towards anyone other than his 'family'. But he will develop. He only ten, after all.
When Shirou outright asks rin to be his friend, he does not understand what a friend is. He doesn't comprehend the idea of friendship and thinks it's something you obtain, not develop over time. That will lead to some misunderstandings later.
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