Reader request. Reader is the Hokage when the nine tails attack happened. She managed to contain it at the expense of great harm to herself. Jiraiya returns to see her after going years no contact after a brutal fight they had. Seeing her so hurt made him realize what he felt for her the whole time.
Also Naruto is aged up to about 5-6.
Entering a hospital is always a grim experience. A wash of fear and anxiety tingles in the stomach. It only grows into a more violent storm when approaching the desk to ask for names. It didn't help when the nurse manning that station looks at him with a knowing pity.
Jiraiya stared at the nurse for a few moments, lips parted and struggling on who to ask for first. Images of you flash in his mind. It's hard to remember your smile sometimes. Should he? He has no idea how bad you got it. A sinking fear gripped his chest and stalled him further. If he asked for you only to be directed to the morgue he wouldn't know what to do.
What about Minato? The poor boy was so frantic in his letter Jiraiya could barely read it. By the destruction and horror around the village things had gone terribly wrong.
"Minato has been asking for you, my lord. He's in room one forty five." The nurse kindly offered him a path to choose.
"Oh... thanks."
The usually extroverted sage was quite quiet. It's hard to be happy and loud when surrounded by death. The entry was full of people stuck in horrible pain and struggling. It's unsightly with bandages, pain, and blood. It's hard to imagine that these people are considered low concern. It only does worse to his imagination. Just how bad are you?
With slow steps, Jiraiya made his way down the hall. It's for the sake of his growing nerves. He didn't want to draw attention to himself. He's just here to see his family... He wants to see you. But...
But what if you are already gone?
That reemerging thought sunk his heart to his feet. It made his nostalgic memories of you even more bittersweet. It made him realize something.
Jiraiya never took the chance to apologize to you. The bitter thought he usually follows up with doesn't come up. It's not all your fault. Maybe if he did say something he wouldn't be so unhappy. Maybe he should have returned sooner. He pushed all his friends away and it's an awful feeling. Even if the whole world hated him... if he just had you he would be okay. To be away from you felt like a hole was being bored into his chest. He misses you so much.
If you are dead... he can't forgive himself for all the things he did to you.
He entered the room to one forty five. Then he stopped and shuffled back out. That nurse should have been more specific. Minato is in that room. It's not his hospital room. You are in there. In a bed. Covered in a blanket up to your chest which was hiding the injuries you are most certainly suffering from. Of what little he can see, you are covered in bandages. Even part of your face is.
Minato is at your side, holding your hand. He was in rough shape too but it is minor compared to you. From the whispers going around, the poor boy was going through more of a mental trial than a physical one. Both Kushina and little Naruto are in some kind of safe house after the battle. Something about the seal and stability. As well as angry irrational villagers aiming to murder them. You, while unconscious, are still Minato's rock during such a trying time. You are basically a mother to the brilliant blond.
Jiraiya announced his arrival with gentle knocking against the door. Minato turned around. His blue eyes are tired and sad. They filled with relief at seeing him.
"Sensei." The greeting was quiet and grief stricken.
"Hey kid. How you holding up?"
Instead of a verbal answer, the young man replied with action. In a swift motion he stood and was in front of Jiraiya in a short second. He embraced his teacher tightly, seeking comfort.
"That bad, eh?" Jiraiya asks with a forced chuckle. Nothing about these circumstances are very funny, he simply wanted to break some of the tension.
"I'm happy you're here. Everything has gone to crap."
"So I saw. How is your family? I hear they got it the worst."
The younger man sighs. He leaves the hug with a step back and looks at Jiraiya with a new wave of exhaustion. Just looking at that face is tiring. It's the type of face where Jiraiya wants to treat his student like a child again. All he wants to do is scoop up the lad and take him for ice cream to cheer him up.
"They're alive." Minato stated. Even that fact seemed like it surprised him and bared repeating to be believed. "And they're safe. I just wish I could be with them."
After another deep breath Minato finally let out the fine details Jiraiya didn't know about. Someone did something to the seal on Kushina and the demon fox got out of her. It wreaked havoc on Konoha. You stepped up to battle it as any leader would for their village. You did what you could to keep the monster focused on you in order to keep casualties low. In fact you ordered an evacuation of all personnel. Even with that order your ninja didn't want to abandon you. You are a wonderful leader after all. Your people looked up to you and they didn't want to leave you to face an impossible situation alone. That included Minato.
While distressed about his wife being so weak and injured after the forced removal, he pressed on to fight. He confronted the masked figure who caused all of this, but they ultimately got away after a tough battle. Afterwards Minato pulled himself together to aid you with the great beast. He couldn't leave you alone with something like this. To stand by would be shameful.
At this point, Minato hesitated. He paused thoughtfully on what details he should share. He glances over his shoulder to you. Where you lay battered and bloody from your encounter with an enraged tailed beast. To which you faced with courage and with no regards to your own life. In a way it is admirable how you fought, yet it does scare him. The only person in this world who knows how much you cry is him. The last few years for you have been hard in regards to your mental well-being. Even now he worries you'll give up and succumb to your wounds. Somedays you look too tired to want to live.
The next part of the story is tough to speak about.
"Lady Hokage is badly injured after fighting. She uh... well she gave it her all but..."
It was a tough decision. You fought with Minato on the idea. Who should be the next vessel for the beast? You still had a couple ideas, including yourself in that pool of candidates. Minato objected. While it may seem odd, it is the responsibility of those in the Uzumaki clan to take care of the beast. Kushina had to, so did her great aunt. Minato volunteered his son for this reason and for the fact that you probably don't have the stores in your body to handle all the chakra of a tailed beast, it would kill you almost instantly or be broken out of your body. This is why it is an Uzumaki speciality. It's their responsibility. He promised you that the child would not suffer. Naruto will grow up safe and loved.
With a heavy heart you finally agreed. If Minato felt that strongly about it, it's for a good reason. And thus the little one was placed on the ground with candles and a sealing circle under his back. You preformed it with Minato assisting. It was your final act before chakra exhaustion and blood loss took hold.
After that you were taken to hospital and treated for your injuries. Kushina and Naruto are under the watch of Anbu being carefully monitored to see just the stability of your seal and if there is any lingering effects on the previous vessel after such an ordeal. At least Uzumaki are known for quick healing on account of their plethora of chakra. Kushina and Naruto are probably already in the later stages of recovery. You aren't so lucky to have such a perk.
"Pardon me." A third voice interjected.
Upon turning to see who had spoke, the two men were greeted with the cold glassy gaze of a clay mask. An Anbu with a stoat mask. Their voice is feminine and deceptively gentle for an elite.
"The seal on Naruto has been proven stable." They continue quietly. "Kushina is not in any danger. You may visit them if you so desire."
Minato let out a heavy sigh of relief. He flashed the smallest of smiles and thanked the Stoat for their message. They nodded, handed him a note with the coordinates, and took their leave without another word.
"That's great news." Jiraiya encouraged. He placed his hand on Minato's shoulder in support. "You should go. I'm sure they miss you."
"Yeah." Minato agreed with a smile. "Are you going to come with me?"
"No. It's the first time you have seen them in a while, it should be just you."
"Then you can stay with Lady Hokage."
"Oh... Er..." Jiraiya looks above the blond's head to where you are. His heart squeezes like it's in a vice. "She wouldn't want me here."
"Sensei."
Minato adopted that older and wiser than his age look to him. It's annoying sometimes. He is very wise and perspective. Sometimes too much for his own good.
"You know that's not true. She would like your company." The younger man insisted. He walked around his teacher and began to push him into the room. "You know she would... Aside from us she has no one else."
Jiraiya plunks down in the seat that's beside your bed. Minato patted his shoulders as if he were the student before leaving.
It grows silent in the room. There's a tension that's hard to explain. Even if you are unconscious, it is hard to speak to you. The familiarity he once shared with you feels broken. The childhood spent being best friends was less of a memory and more like fiction. There was a time you and him were inseparable. That time seems so distant now. It's so weird... but recently he's been thinking about it a lot. You and him were the best of friends. The type of friends that always got in trouble together. He misses that.
The only thing that he can focus on is your laboured breathing. You must be in so much pain. With a shy glance he looks at your face before dropping it back down to stare at your hand.
Jiraiya clenched his fists. A burning sensation is flooding his palms. It was shame and guilt. The last time he touched you was out of anger. He lashed out.
Six years ago you were named the successor to Hiruzen. While not directly trained under him, you are a prodigy. You grew up with them as a close friend. A girl who was sometimes labeled a fourth Sannin. A high compliment well deserved. It was unofficial and you never referred to yourself as such. You never really sang your praises. Nor did the village. Everyone was focused on the sages they raised up. Out of the tragedy that seemed to follow the sages, you handled it with the most poise. Everyone got so caught up in the drama that no one was really there for you. Not even him.
He was angry. He was always angry back then. It's something he can admit and he's not proud of his behaviour. The only person that kept him sane was Tsunade. For a while you did to until that fateful day. He was there for her when Dan and Nawaki died and she was doing her best to support him when their friend betrayed them. It's sad to admit that those events only deepened his feelings for her. When she turned to him for comfort it felt good. He felt wanted. Which is a feeling he desperately clung to after Orochimaru betrayed everyone and got away. When she asked him to come with her, to see the world away from all this pain, he agreed.
His anger only increased when you denied the notion. A young rage filled foolish Jiraiya charged into your new office and demanded an explanation. Your answer only infuriated him more.
"Who are you to make demands? You're my unit. My subordinate." You replied coldly. "You are still needed here."
"Just me and not Tsunade? Wouldn't a top level doctor be more useful than me?"
He knew what you were up to. Frankly your little plan was annoying. It was insulting to think he wouldn't notice what you are doing. You want him all to yourself without Tsunade around. You were always jealous of her. Even more so did your jealousy grow when you saw how close she and him had gotten after the team fell apart. It didn't include you and you had to accept that. At the time he thought you didn't understand how much it hurt to have someone close betray them.
"I... I have use for you here, Jiraiya. That's final." You didn't really answer him.
"Just because you're Hokage now doesn't mean you can boss me around!" Jiraiya raised his voice in frustration. "If it were me I would've granted you the right to go even if I needed you!"
"But you aren't Hokage! You said no and recommended me!" You argued. You stepped up to him and had your face twisted in fury. "You need to stop thinking you're better at this than I am! If you did take the job then you could order me around, but you didn't. Fall in line."
"Don't tell me what to do! Who do you think you are to demand anything from me?!"
"It's my fucking job to order you around! So follow them or else."
"Or else what? Arrest me? Have me strung up for defying the great and powerful leader?" Jiraiya asked with a heavy dose of sarcasm. He raised his arms in a dramatic and demanding shrug. "If you want me so badly you should just lock me up!"
You flinched from the implication. It stung. You've loved him for years and he knows that. His words were rejection and disgust at the idea of being in your company. You frowned and grit your teeth.
"I don't even know why you want to stay with Tsunade so much." You said in a vile tone. "She won't ever love you like how you want her to."
Jiraiya glared at you for a moment. He knows exactly what you're playing at. You hypocrite. He couldn't hold it back. He wants you to hurt like how he does.
"Like how you love me?"
You froze. Your eyes flooded with a whole slew of emotions. Eventually they fell back upon a solemn anger. He struck a raw nerve while it was still irritated. Like pouring salt in a wound that was doused in lemon juice.
"I do love you. Staying with her will only hurt you more. She won't ever return your feelings!"
Jiraiya glared at you. His skin crawling with heat. His body is cooling up with tension as if readying to fight. Your words are only fuelling his boiling fury. What kind of friend are you to say that?
"She won't ever love you!" You yelled at him, letting the words shake your office and echo in his mind.
The moments that followed were surreal. It felt like someone else was controlling him. His hand flew of its own accord before he fully registered what he was doing. He couldn't stop it. He was just so furious.
The sound it made echoed around his head just as loud as your yelling. The high pitched snap of a slap. Of skin meeting skin. Only it wasn't in intimacy and lust. It was rage and irrationality. There was a moment of stunned silence that followed.
There was a throbbing in his hand. Your cheek was bright red. Your head was thrown into the direction he hit it in. Never before had Jiraiya struck someone purely from emotional outburst. It sent adrenaline through him like he was about to fight another giant salamander. His heart his hammering like he was locked in battle. He didn't know what to think. He was just... mad.
"Get out of my office." You spoke quietly but it was a deadly tone.
Jiraiya gulped and muttered your name. He still wasn't so sure what he should do. Half of him could strike you again, the other half is remorseful. Your words are seared in his mind. His hand is throbbing. He's too worked up to think straight. He's stuck in a raging circle of anger and regret when he stares into your tear filled eyes. He's losing his friend but he didn't want to lose this fight.
"Don't-!"
"I said get out!" You raised your voice to a shriek. You picked up the cup of pens on your desk and threw it at him. "Out! OUT!"
You continued to chuck office supplies at him until he fled your office. After he did, you collapsed to your knees and buried your face in your hands. He heard the heavy thumb of you hitting the floor through the door. You cried, he knows you did. At the time he didn't give a crap. Jiraiya moved ahead with his plan. He didn't say another word to you. He left with Tsunade and Shizune on an aimless adventure, officially putting you behind him.
Now that Jiraiya thinks about it more carefully, this is the first time he's been close to you since you and him fought. It's always been letters since he was usually far away when you needed him to investigate a threat. He hasn't been in Konoha since he left six years ago... Well not more than a day. He was there to meet baby Naruto, but avoided you like the plague. There was also a brief moment when he and his little travel party returned to celebrate Naruto's third birthday, but the encounter with you hardly lasted a second. A moment of seeing one another too close for comfort in the streets. You turned around and left the moment it registered it was him. He did the same. You didn't go to the child's party. Because you knew he would be there.
When looking at you now, face to face like this, it aches more than it rages. Anger had fled.
He's not mad anymore. You were right about a few things. It did prove to do more harm than good to stick by Tsunade. He ended up fighting with her too. Yelling at one another over the same thing he fought with you about. Being near someone he loves and having them not return his feelings began to drive him crazy. It felt so good to be near her all the time but it tore him up to see her seek comfort with other men rather than him. She didn't want love right now. He did and when he confronted her, she only pushed him away.
"I don't feel that way about you. What's wrong with just being friends?"
"I don't want to be just friends anymore!"
The argument was vaguely familiar. To be on the other end of it was awful. He got a dose of his own bitter medicine and he hated it. He was rejected by the last person he thought would do it to him.
After he broke away from the group and traveled alone, Jiraiya found himself thinking about you. How he left things with you began to eat away at his mind. He yelled at you. He hit you. It's hard to even look at you due to the guilt. Part of him was scared to return to Konoha just for you. Seeing your unwillingness to even write him more than a few words painted a clear enough picture.
Whenever a toad showed up with a scroll to spit out, it felt good to see your writing. It was just your signature. Sometimes it was an extra note added at the last minute. Even if it was just that it filled him with a longing. Minato sometimes wrote about you too. The little updates were nice. It was a glimpse into your life. It's clear you wanted as little contact as possible. Not that he blames you for wanting that distance. Minato was the perfect mediator. As your aid and his student, Minato was fairly unbiased. He loves you and Jiraiya, but never butted in to push or mend the problem.
Until now that is. Minato herding Jiraiya to the seat before your bed was the closest the young man had gotten to coming in between the problem. Even when he exchanged letters with his student, Minato hardly said anything about it. The updates on you were always brief and that usually set him at ease. No news is good news but the last couple of years have been more melancholy in tone.
Minato didn't have to outright say it to get the point across. You are lonely. You are sad. Your parents died two years ago back to back and you never really recovered from the grief. Apparently the only ones who showed up to the funeral was a couple of your parents friends and Minato. It only reminded you that you had no close friends. You don't smile anymore. That very specific line always stuck in Jiraiya's head whenever he saw it.
To mourn alone is a horrible feeling. Jiraiya knows what that's like. He felt that alone after the team fell apart. He felt it again when Tsunade rejected him. You must've felt that a lot. He left right after everything fell apart. Leaving you totally alone. With no one who had known you more than a handful of years rather than a lifetime. Without the support of the people you needed the support of. It feels lonely. Very very lonely. To curse someone with that is worse than any other form of attack. It's no wonder you don't smile anymore.
He wipes off the sweat off his palms on his pants before reaching out.
For the first time in years Jiraiya held your hand. It was nice. Your skin is still soft. The back of your hand is at least. Your palms and fingers are rough from years of training like his are. To his relief you don't stir. If you woke up and looked at him with destain he would hate it. It is well deserved, but he hopes that you would maybe be willing to listen to him. Holding your hand is enough for now.
He spends some long missed time with you in complete silence. There's no words he could think to say. Being so close to you was healing the hole in his heart.
"Um, excuse me."
Jiraiya looks up and to his left. To his surprise a nurse is standing beside him holding a tray of supplies. Bandages, wound wash, and ointment. All the things a wounded soldier needs. He hadn't even noticed her approach. He was so absorbed on focusing on you. The nurse offered him a small smile.
"Lady Hokage needs her dressings changed. If you wouldn't mind waiting outside."
"Er... did you want help?"
The nurse blinked and took a moment. She seemed quite surprised at his offer.
"That's alright. You don't have to."
"I can if you want. I learned a thing or two from Tsunade. I'm not a professional but I can help you." Jiraiya polity pushes the issue. Just waiting outside would drive him mad. Anything to keep him occupied... Anything to stay near you.
"If you insist, but I must give you fair warning." She paused and set the tray down on the table at the foot of your bed. She pulled off the blanket covering you, wincing for you as the blood on your dressings had leaked and had made the blanket stick in places on you from the tacky dry blood. "Milady's injuries are deep and many. It's a lot to take in."
"I can handle it."
By the way the nurse looked at him, she didn't agree. How bad can it be? Jiraiya has been in the thick of war. He's seen horrible things. He can handle some bloody wounds. He followed her directions. As gentle as possible, he raised your leg up to help with unraveling the bandages. Each time the dressing tugged and pulled on your wounds he cringed. He knows that feeling. Like hair being plucked. There's blood seeping through the stitches on your wounds. It's caked and not quite dry. The smell it has is that heavy sticky metallic scent that gets caught in the back of the throat. It perfumes the room quickly. At least it doesn't smell like infection.
The further the bandages get rolled up the worse the wounds are getting. It looks like you got tumbled through a cylinder of blades. The Nine Tails must have some razor sharp claws and insane speed to strike you so many times. The nurse began to wash out the wounds on your legs with the saline solution. The blood is being banished from your skin and sanitizing your cuts. It does put him at ease to see it. Each leg is wrapped back up without issue.
You began to groan when Jiraiya put his hand under your back and lifted you up. Then came the whimpers and keens of pain. Every tug on your torso seemed to be much more painful for you. Not that he can blame you. You look like you almost got gutted. It looks like the stitches on your torso are keeping all your insides where they are supposed to be.
"You're going to be okay." Jiraiya found himself talking to you.
The first words he's spoken to you in years and you aren't awake to receive them. Or maybe you are. Your cries die down when he spoke. Or maybe he's imagining it. Your head is lulled back, perhaps it's making it harder for you to use your voice. Actually at this angle, where he's holding you in almost a dip with your head back like that, he can't help but look over the lovely valley of your neck. It's all exposed for him to kiss.
Whoa.
A wave of heat washed over the sage's face. He didn't expect that thought to cross his mind at this particular moment. You are pretty. Anyone would be a fool to think otherwise. He's always thought that. Lots of people did. You are considered one of the top beauties that the village had. It was quite the oddity that you never had many partners to speak of. Any man should consider themselves lucky to catch your eye...
A bitter taste lingers in his mouth as he relived the words he said to you all those years ago. He basically told you he'd rather be your prisoner than your boyfriend. That's not true. He never meant that. He was just mad. People always say stupid things when they're mad at someone.
Your pained noises grew louder as the wounds were cleaned on your torso and chest. They are deep along there. Jiraiya couldn't help but steal a glance. As wonderful as it is at seeing a woman's chest, this doesn't look all that sexy. There's deep slashes that carved up your chest from breast to collar at an angle. The stitches are many to keep you from falling apart into ribbons. Blood is staining your skin in a thin constant coat. It's amazing to see in a horrible way. How you are holding on from being sliced apart. You are hurt... He hates it.
As he looks over you he can't help but wonder. What would he have done? You held your own amazingly well. If Jiraiya were Hokage and faced with this side situation he's not entirely sure what he would have done. Or if he would have handled it as good as you had. You were faced with a fearsome beast who slaughtered many and you fought it without second thought. Perhaps that's more worrying than admirable. To fling yourself at an almost guarantee death is not comforting. Minato was worried about it too. That kind face was riddled with fear when he spoke about the battle and your condition. It speaks oceans worth of volume when Minato speaks with that troubled expression.
"My lord?"
Jiraiya blinks a few times. His eyes are a little dry from staring at you. He looks over at the nurse.
"You can set her down now, I'm finished." She said.
He nods and does so. You whine quietly in your unconscious state. The pain in your body must be achy after that. At least you are clean of infection and old blood. A new blanket gets laid on top of you. He couldn't help but make sure you were tucked in.
"Thank you for the assistance." The nurse said with a smile. She began to gather the soiled bandages and medical pads as she spoke again. "Will you be staying the night?"
"If it's not too much trouble."
"Of course not. I can't imagine a better person to watch over Lady Hokage than you. Call me if you need anything."
"Okay... thanks."
She nods and leaves with her tray of supplies. Jiraiya plunks back down in his seat. It's quiet with just you and him. He looks you over slowly. You look small. Dainty. Fragile. Things he never would have thought would cross his mind when looking at you. You've always been a tough woman. Tough enough to give Tsunade a run for her money. You were always so eager to prove yourself.
He chances touching you more, running his fingers though your hair. It's just as soft as he remembered it being. With his other hand he holds yours again. It's warm. Feeling that heat is comforting him.
It's getting late. It's dark out now. After a day like today, it's okay to be exhausted. Emotions Jiraiya long thought he had buried had come up. It's tiring to go though so many. Not that he can complain. People have gone through much worse than he has today. At least you are still alive. So is the other people he loves.
A yawn he could not hold back only drives home the point of how tiring the day was. He caressed your head one last time before releasing it and tucking his arm on the edge of the bed. He set his chin on his arm as a pillow and his eyes grew heavy. He still held your hand, wanting to feel that touch even as he rests. He gives your hand a squeeze before relaxing and drifting away. In the last moments of clarity he felt something that made him smile. You squeezed back...
With a quiet groan you wake up. A flare of pain attacks your senses. What little light is in the room is hurting your eyes. It's making the cuts on your face burn. You can feel the full length of them. They sting from your left eyebrow down your cheek and to your ear. Along with all your other aching wounds it's just a horrible reminder that you can never wear a bathing suit again. No one will want to see that. As if anyone wanted to.
It began to register that someone is limply holding your hand. A soft snore cut the quiet. Who would bother staying with you? You cringe as you force yourself to sit up. Your heart leaps up to your throat at the sight of Jiraiya. He's deeply asleep on the edge of your bed. You sneak your hand away from his.
Maybe you're overly tired but you can't fight the tears. You raise your heavy feeling hand and wipe away what you could. Why is he here? Maybe you did die and this is the afterlife you have been presented with. If that's the case it feels more like hell than heaven.
You cringe as you kick your legs around to the other side of the bed where your bedside companion is. Everything hurts. Each flex of your muscles burn. It was as if the stitches yanked on them to your very bone. Do you care? Not really. A whole world of hurt is nothing for the price of freedom. You don't want to be near him. You don't want to be here. Hospitals suck. Jiraiya sucks. Showing his face like this after how you and him left things... Is he being spiteful?
All you want is your own bed and a shot of something strong. The nurses won't stop you. You are the god damn Hokage. You can leave if you damn well please. The comfort of a locked door and the blankets you love is sorely missed right now. Having Jiraiya so close to you feels exposing. Like standing outside of the forest. No cover. No comfort.
When you stand your legs shake. A moment later your knees buckle and you collapse to the floor. Pain stings your injuries as the fall had irritated them. You grit your teeth as you hold in the cry you wish to shout. It tingles and the flood of wet heat that follows can only mean that you had made your wounds bleed again.
"What the hell are you doing?"
You cringe at the sound of Jiraiya's voice. One of the last times you heard it he had yelled at you. The harsh tones he had spoken now only reminded you of that bitterness.
"I'm fine." You say quietly.
That didn't stop him from picking you up. His hands feel hot on your skin. Whether or not you like it is unclear. The last time he touched you it was a well delivered slap. That harsh memory flies forward with him so close to you. You push him away.
"I'm just trying to help." Jiraiya said.
"Don't help me. I don't want your help."
"You aren't well enough to be walking around by yourself."
"Oh? You're a doctor now?" You ask harshly. You dare to look him in the face. You missed him. Even now he looks attractive to you. It only serves to make you angrier. "I guess all that time with Tsunade must have rubbed off on you."
He crinkled his nose in a cringe. That was a low blow. If he's alone he must have had a falling out with her. Serves him right for pursuing a hopeless goal. Even so he shouldn't be unhappy. At least he had the intelligence to know that going it alone would be better for him mentally.
You lean against your bed and sigh. The pain is bearable but you'd rather not have it. Maybe if you were swifter you wouldn't be stuck in the hospital. You stare at the man you hold so many feelings for, wondering why he came here. What could he possibly gain by being here? To smile and tell you how bad you are at your job? It's hard to believe he'd come here just to check up on you.
"Get out of my room, Jiraiya. I don't even know why you came here." You spoke firmly, looking away from him. It's hard to look at him for too long.
"I wanted to see you." He answered the question you didn't really want an answer to. When he reached towards you, you moved back. His expression turned to hurt when you shy away from him. "I was scared you died. When I got the news of what happened it sounded like you fought to your last breath. I... It made me realize how much of an idiot I've been."
You hardly glance his way. Hearing his excuses doesn't comfort you. What is his goal now? He's made himself clear that he didn't want you. The years you've known him are now tainted memories. All the time you spent with him, falling deeper in love with him, now makes you feel like a fool. A stupid hopeless fool. Sometimes you wonder if there's a point in being alive... When so alone you often ponder that idea. There's not much that you can think of that's worth living for anymore. It would have been so much more simpler if you had just died. Then Jiraiya wouldn't have anything to dwell over anymore.
"I missed you." He quakes your emotions with that heartfelt confession.
You grip the sheets tightly. Tears well in your eyes again. You hold yourself together. You don't want to listen to him. It hurts.
"I told you to leave." You repeat yourself.
"Won't you at least hear me out?"
"I gave you an order!"
Jiraiya froze. His eyes widened in surprise. He had his mouth open to say something but nothing came out. He shut it slowly and his head fell into a solemn bow. His bangs fell heavy over his eyes. His fists are clenched. You know this stance well. He's frustrated... He's hurt. He stiffly bowed to you.
"Sorry, my lady. I won't bother you again." He apologized before straightening out and leaving your room.
Before he shut the door, he took one last look at you. The sorrow in his eyes only serve to make you ache for him. You watch him go in silence. It's only when his steps fade do you collapse back in your bed and cry. Your motivation to move has left. As much as you hate hospitals your shaky limbs have proven too weak to carry you out. Your head is pounding. Your body is throbbing. You bury yourself in the blankets and sob uncontrollably for hours...
Days pass.
Due to your injuries and state of mind, Hiruzen kindly offered to take over while you recover. You took him up on it. It was humiliating but even you can admit that you aren't in any shape to lead a military but he didn't shame you for needing time off. He tried to get you to speak about what was on your mind. You wouldn't let up. He wouldn't take your side even if you did talk about it. Nor does it feel like he genuinely cares. As kind of a man that he is, the previous leader still loves his students like family. Just because you grew up with them that doesn't mean you are the same as them.
Your own teacher reminded you of that often. As powerful as you are you will always remain the outcast. You are a nothing compared to them. A no one trying to be someone. Even when you succeeded your sensei hardly managed to choke out praise. Even now she doesn't see you worthy of it. At this point it would do you good to just forget about her... no matter how hard it is to let go of the past.
Hiruzen just wouldn't understand. The most you loosened your tongue to was to thank him for kindly taking away some of your stress while you recovered. He looked sad that you didn't want to speak to him. No matter how sad it makes him you won't speak your woes. He doesn't know you like how he knows his students.
The last lights in your life is all you have left to help keep your mind off your troubles. Minato fretted over you walking to the safe house by yourself in your condition, but you managed just fine. It was refreshing to walk in the forest again. To get away from the chaotic village was the breath of fresh air you need.
You paused at the door when you notice your dear aid has another guest over as well. Jiraiya tensed at the sight of you. He looked away from you a moment after making eye contact. By the dark circles under his eyes he hasn't had much sleep over the past couple of days. He looks just as sad as he did last you saw him. You know he doesn't sleep much when he's stressed... Why even remember that? It's not like he comes to you anymore to soothe his woes.
He was on the couch with little Naruto on his lap, who was entertained by whatever toy was in his hand. A tired Kushina is beside them, still looking rather rough from the whole situation she had to endure. She's dozing and hardly aware of anything around her. It's rare to see her so out of it. Not surprising given the circumstances she was put through.
"Auntie!" The boy cried in excitement. He finally took notice of you.
Jiraiya set him down to the floor and the boy came running over. Minato had caught him before he collided with you. Even a five year old could knock you down in this state. Especially a five year old with the aided power of a tailed beast.
"You must be gentle with auntie." Minato warned before letting his son go.
"Okay!"
Even with that advice the little boy hugged your legs tightly. It irritated your injuries but you didn't really care. You patted the boy's golden locks with a smile. While not blood, he is your godson. You love him like kin. You know Jiraiya feels the same. He's the godfather after all. He wouldn't be here if he didn't love this little family as much as you did.
"Is there a place I can rest alone?" You ask. "I'm a little tired after my walk."
"Of course, my lady. There's a place in the back I know you'll like." Minato kindly said as he led you away.
There's a little reading nook in the back of the safe house. Pretty fancy for a place like this. Then again this place is supposed to bring peace of mind as well as protection. You sigh as you sit in the nook, which was cushioned with pillows. Your one cut on the leg is really causing you trouble. It aches and tugs when you walk. You hoist that leg up and rub it slowly. It does little to soothe it but it's better than leaving it.
"Can I get you anything?" Minato asks.
"No, I'm okay. I'll join everyone once..." You trail off as you struggle to even bear the idea of being in the same room as Jiraiya.
"Once sensei is gone?"
"..."
"It's okay. I know you two had another fight." The young man offered one of his kind smiles. "I can't help but blame myself. I pushed sensei to join you after I left."
"It's not your fault. We just... don't get along."
"You did once. I think you should remember that."
You raise a more critical gaze to Minato. As much as you love him like a son and value his opinion, he's pushing it. He doesn't know all the details of what happened nor will he ever know.
"You're overstepping, Minato." You spat out the words harshly.
"Sorry... I just don't like seeing the people I love fight."
He offered another sweet genuine smile before letting you be while you recovered. You sigh and lean into the pillows. That was harsh but Minato can't get away with talking like he knows everything. As clever as he is, he's still naive about certain things.
The peace only lasted a few moments as Naruto came trotting in to pay you a visit. He struggled to get up on the nook. He's just a little too short. You gave him a boost with a push on his bum and he clambered up.
"Hello auntie." The boy greeted you once he was sat down comfortably.
"Hello dear." You affectionately return the greeting, petting his hair.
"What doing all the way over here?"
"I'm resting. I have some boo boos from a fight."
"They make you tired?"
"Yes."
He nods wisely. Although it's hard to believe he truly gets what you mean. The most little Naruto has suffered is a couple of scrapes on his palms and knees from falling. He hadn't even suffered from you sealing a demon in him. In fact Stoat, the Anbu you placed in charge of the house, had reported that the youngster had been going about as if everything was okay. He thought this more of a vacation than a safe location.
"Auntie? Are you mad at uncle?" He asks innocently.
Even a clueless child like Naruto can pick up on the tension? It must be thick. You let out a cleansing sigh. It's hard to lie to him.
"We're mad at each other. He hurt my feelings and I hurt his."
Naruto furrowed his face in a thoughtful scowl. He looks at you with that puzzled expression. He wasn't too pleased with what you had said. He loves Jiraiya a great deal. It wouldn't be a surprise if the boy picked his side. Not that there is a right side in this conflict.
The past few days you had time to think about what you had said to your old friend. The nurses mentioned how he helped with your treatment and stayed with you all night. He can't hold that much hate for you, if any at all, if he was willing to do that. Being so cruel to him wasn't the best idea. But it's hard to forget what he did in the past. He never reached out before... it's too late now... isn't it?
"If you hurt each other, why not just say sorry?" Naruto asks.
"It's not that simple, dear."
"But auntie!" The child objected. "You told me that if I hurt my friend's feelings that I should say sorry no matter how mad I am at them."
"Well uh.. you should do that. But-!"
"Then why not say it to uncle? And uncle can say it to you!" He stated it like it was the most simple solution in the world.
"I um... I guess I don't know if he'd accept my apology." You were a little stunned by the boy's passion.
"You don't know unless ya try!"
You don't have a reply for Naruto. He does have a point. Yet it's so hard to even stand in front of Jiraiya. Apologizing to him would be hard. All the years of pain and anguish you harboured would spew forth. To bear so much to him only to face more rejection would be the straw that would break the camel's back. Your poor heart probably couldn't take it. There's but a small thread still connecting you to the man you love so much it hurts and that hurt keeps you going. Sometimes it's the only reminder that you are alive.
"I go get him." Naruto announced with a gentle assuring pat to your leg.
"Wait Naruto!" You cry out to him as he scoots out fo his seat.
He landed with the lack of grace all children have and pattered off. You stare at the hallway he disappeared down. Soon some noises followed. A clatter of something falling over. A chuckle from the adults in the living room.
"Naruto! It's rude to drag people along like that!" Kushina has finally roused. The all knowing mom instinct had awoken her to just to scold her child for misbehaving.
"It's okay. I don't mind." Jiraiya dismissed her concerns.
The two boys came into view. With the much taller of the two bent in half to humour his smaller companion. Jiraiya is smiling fondly as the adorable little boy had his finger in a tight grip. He would waddle to follow this kid anywhere. His amused smile dropped when he saw you. He stood up fully and took on a professional demeanour as if just called to attention.
"My lady." He greeted quietly along with a small bow. "Is there something I can get for you?"
How else can he talk to you? It's hard to be near you. It's clear you don't want to be friends anymore. You are his leader. He should talk to you as such... No matter how much it hurt.
It just feels wrong to hear him refer to you so formally. It's how everyone talks to you. Polite and distant. No one wants to get too close to the leader. It's not professional. You don't reply right away, afraid of what you might say.
"Uncle." Naruto called for his attention, tugging on his hand. "You should say sorry to auntie and auntie gonna say it back, okay?"
"Oh uh..." Jiraiya hesitated. He rubbed at the back of his neck as he took a thoughtful pause. He wasn't quite sure how to address this.
He glances back to you. The idea seems a little foolish. At first. As he processed it the more he realized it's not a bad idea. The only reason he hasn't is because of the lack of opportunity... and stubbornness. But he misses you. He really misses you. He's spent the past couple of days in hurt akin to growing pains and stomach aches that refused to subside from how badly he felt. He never felt like that before... not even when he broke up with Tsunade. This opening could maybe heal some of this pain.
In an ideal world he would have realized how stupid he was for being so lost when it came to love years ago. Who better a partner for him than you? Being alone for two years straight had brought up hints of those feelings. Seeing you ashen and cold on a hospital bed had made feelings he didn't even know the full depths come jolting forward to the surface. He didn't just miss you. It runs so much more deeper than that.
He smiled down at Naruto, ruffling those soft locks before gently ushering the child out of the room. Although that didn't keep him away. Naruto stood where he was pushed to, watching the two adults with curiosity.
Your senses jump with a mix of emotions when Jiraiya said your name... Just your name. There's joy. There's hints of anger. Most of all there's fear. He faced you fully and swallowed down a lump in his throat. It is now or never.
"There's no excuse for what I did. I never should've hit you. I never should've gotten so mad at you." He began in a calm and sincere voice. A small smile pulled on the corners of his lips. It was wistful and sad. "I'm sorry. For everything. If... if you can forgive me, I'd like to be with you..."
He cleared his throat and a blush decided it would be the perfect time to shade his cheeks. It's so exposing to let out these feelings, but to hold them in anymore wouldn't do any good. It aches to be said. It has to be said. He can't keep it inside anymore.
"I mean like really be with you. Being away from you made me realize how I truly felt about you. I..." Jiraiya pauses. It is harder to say than he thought it would be. These words hold such a heavy weight to them. He knows what he feels. Hopefully you still feel the same. "I love you."
You don't say anything. Everything he's saying has stunned you. He likes you like that? It's almost unbelievable. If only teenage you could hear this... she'd be overjoyed. Current age you doesn't know what to think. She's even in doubt. She's trying to remind you of all the anguish you have quietly dealt with over the past six years. All your loneliness and sorrow is because of him.
Surprisingly teenage you is being the reasonable one as she reminded you of your wrongdoings. It's because of you too. You pushed everyone away. Only Minato had managed to stay close to you. Even then you don't talk about any of your problems to him. It always felt like no one understood you or they didn't care. The ones you thought you did all left when you needed them.
Remnants of the past flash in your mind. It sucked being kicked while you were down. No one seemed to care that Orochimaru was your friend too. Jiraiya and Tsunade were the only friends you had left. During that time you had grown bitter and jealous towards Tsunade since she had captured the heart of the man you loved. Back then you figured if you had at least Jiraiya around then you wouldn't be alone. With him still around you would grow closer to him. Instead you ruined everything.
"Auntie!" Naruto not so quietly whispered from across the room. He pointed to Jiraiya whilst holding your eyes with his. "Now you say sorry."
"It's okay, kiddo." Jiraiya said as he turned to the boy with sad smile. "Sometimes people don't accept apologies even if the person who said it meant it."
"But if you said you were sorry, what else can you do?"
"Nothing... it's all up to the person to forgive. Sometimes that doesn't happen."
Naruto pouts. He looks sad that things don't always go as expected. Jiraiya began to leave, depressed at being rejected yet again. It feels nauseating. Nothing can be done if you don't feel the same. It's a lesson he learned the hard way.
It's frustrating how his life tends to strike him down. He's been a fool. If he could go ahead and slap teenage him he would. If he had gotten his head on straight sooner then he would've asked you out much sooner. To think of what his life would be if he had just realized the girl who always stood beside him was the one he always loved is awful. So many years wasted to pain and sorrow where there should have been a wonderful relationship is depressing.
Instead he got wrapped up with the wrong girl. Tsunade was his first crush and never looked past her... where you were the whole time. God he is such an idiot for screwing this all up! He sighs to himself as he trudged towards the hall. It's gonna be one of those drink till dawn, hit his head on the table type of nights.
Seeing him walk away sent fear within you. It shook your bones as the idea of him going again rattled your world. If you let him go again it feels like this is truly the last time you'll see him. It's not what you want! You still love him!
"Jiraiya!" You call out.
You rush to your feet. You have to catch him! You gasp in pain as the deep cut in your leg had flared up and turned the stability in your legs into jelly. You stumble another step before collapsing.
You put your arms out as you prepare to collide with the floor. The impact never came. Your cheek is braced against something you hadn't felt in years. The warmth of a tight embrace, the beat of a heart against your ear. Jiraiya caught you and braced you against him. A tad dramatic for the tumble you took but he always had that quality to him. At this moment his flare for the dramatic felt like the perfect move. Holding you like this is the medicine you need. You look up at him. You stare at his wonderful face, hardly changed after all these years... He's beautiful. He tilts his head in curiosity as he looks you over. He's waiting for you to say something.
"I'm sorry too..." You trail off as you stare at him. His embrace is filling you with the warmth you missed. Those gentle dark eyes have you ensnared under their spell. They hadn't looked at you like that in so long. "I shouldn't have done what I did back then. It was horrible of me to say what I did too. Nor should I have said what I did when you were with me at the hospital. I pushed you away when I should've let you in. I don't want you to go anymore..."
You can't hide away the tears anymore. They roll down your cheeks in a steady stream as you finally say what you always wanted to say to him.
"I love you... Don't leave..."
Jiraiya looks you over. He smiles. Your words had banished the loneliness in his heart. He strokes your hair away from your face. He caught your tears and wiped them away. He missed you so much. Being close to you like this makes his world vibrant.
"You won't be be alone." He promises. "I won't ever leave your side again."
He leans down to go in for a kiss. You shy away, turning your head to the side when he got close. It doesn't feel like the right time.
"Not yet..." You say. "Can we take it slow?"
"Yeah... Sorry."
"Don't apologize."
He smiles in response. You return it with some hesitation. You had dreamed about this day. Yet you are afraid. Getting close to him again only to have things not work out really will spell out your doom. You couldn't handle it. Not for a second time.
Instead of your lips Jiraiya kissed the top of your head. It's a gesture he's done with you for a long time. His height towers yours so it made sense to show some display of affection towards you with a simple peck to a place he can easily reach. He's always been taller than you. Even as children he would put a kiss on your head. Although back then it was meant as a jab at your shortcomings. It grew into an affectionate thing once older and more mature. He did it a lot when you were upset.
It sent a flood of comfort and ease within your body. Such a simple thing feels like a mountainous gesture now. You hadn't even realized how much you missed it. You almost completely forgot about it. The feel of his nose and lips pressed against your hair... it's like a beam of sunshine upon your head.
"How about dinner tonight?" Jiraiya asks. He pulls back so he can look you in the eyes. He smiles. "Not a date if you don't want it to be. Just dinner with a friend?"
"Okay." You agree. "Dinner sounds nice."
There's a few moments of silence. Jiraiya blushed and realized he's been holding you tightly this whole time. He let you go and awkwardly cleared his throat.
"I uh... I should go. I have a... thing to do." He awkwardly excuses himself. "I'll come around six to pick you up?"
"That works for me."
He smiles at you as he backs away, nearly trampling the observing Naruto. He ruffled the boy's hair before leaving. You shuffled back and sat down again, rubbing the ache in your leg. Your face is warm. A few tears are still falling down your cheeks.
You wipe them away. It's not exactly sadness. All of that was a little overwhelming. It almost doesn't feel real. That unease was settled down by Naruto rejoining you. It's hard not to crack a smile as you had to give him another boost. His big grin is contagious. He was thrilled that his plan did work. He even looks a tad smug. Soon enough Minato returned just to check in. He knew his son was causing mischief. Although by that smile it was plain to see he approved of that mischief.
By the time six came around you had grown excited. Jiraiya was right on time and led the way to the perfect place. A bar that wasn't too busy but not quiet either. Because of your efforts places like this were operating again after only a few days of recovery. If you hadn't distracted the beast and led it away the village wouldn't be in such a well preserved state.
Everything was nice but far from perfect. There's still some ruin in the streets. Although it seems that people were going about like things were okay. The beginnings of normalcy is putting everyone at ease. If that's the case then perhaps you can set Minato and his family free from the safety of the secure location. No one seems blood hungry to harm an innocent child anymore.
The date itself was going great. It was like you had never had a falling out with Jiraiya. It was just another night with your best friend. Sitting beside him again at the bar was similar to how you and him always used to hang out. Boozing around and laughing after a mission was always fun. Only this time it had more hand holding. At one point he placed his hand on your thigh but retreated when you grimaced. He just wants to be closer to you but he didn't want to push it.
"Sorry... Everything is still sore." You excuse.
"Right. You're injured."
He was so swept up in getting close to you again that he forgot that under all your clothes there's bandages. Underneath that is stitched up deep cuts. There's still tape over the cuts on your face which is so well hidden by your hair that he forgot all about it. You flinched whenever he brushed his fingers by that side of your face. You shouldn't hide it. One day, hopefully soon, he plans to kiss those cuts until you love them. After that he'll keep kissing them.
You lean against Jiraiya, wanting some more contact other than a hand to hold. Your arm rests against his and you rest your head against his shoulder. The small flare of pain it caused was worth it. His head gently rests on top of yours. His thumb is moving in a soft caress of your hand. Each touch from him as gentle as they are is incredibly comforting. Every now and then you squeezed. He always squeezed back.
After dinner Jiraiya walked you home. Which was slow going due to the stiffness of your leg injuries. The stitches had began to prove stubborn when it came to let you move naturally. They tugged painfully if you walked too quickly or widely. When you stumbled he was quick to catch you. There was a moment of awkward silence when standing in front of your door. You don't want to say goodbye. Neither did he.
"If you don't have a place to stay tonight you could stay with me?" You offer.
"Really? Is that how you take it slow?" He broke the tension with a joke.
You got flustered, which amused him. That laugh of his you hadn't heard in so long graced your ears. He assured you that he was only joking and he would like to crash on your couch. With that you let him in and get settled in for the night. He helped you get into bed. After exchanging goodnights he went to the couch, which you outfitted with a blanket and pillow for him.
As comfortable as your couch is, it was hard to get some shut eye. Jiraiya sat up with a quiet sigh. It is late into the night now. Across the living room from his position was the door that led to your room. Those keens and whines he heard you do when getting your dressings changed cut the silent of the small house. He got up to investigate.
He was worried you had maybe hurt yourself by accident while asleep. A wrong stretch or sudden movement could pull at your stitches. He's done that before and it hurts like a son of a bitch but most times it's not enough to fully awaken from it. If you had done that he'll do his best to gently adjust you before leaving you be.
Honestly you should have an aid with you to do this for you or a nurse. Yet you had to be stubborn and leave the hospital early. You claim it was so other people who are injured can use your bed but he is well aware of how much you distaste hospitals. You've always hated them. There was a few times during the war where you were found crawling down the street to get to your house after getting treatments simply because you hated hospitals so much.
Well he's here now and he wants to help. By how your leg has been acting up he wouldn't be surprised if you hurt it more while sleeping and didn't realize it. He pushed on the door as nimble as he could to keep the hinges from groaning. Noises like that somehow sound like explosions in the middle of a quiet house at night. He poked his head in.
You are still in the position he helped you get in. With pillows tucked under your legs to elevate them and cushion them. You aren't moving that much in your slumber. Your thigh jerks but relaxes a moment later. It's your head and arms that are more animated.
Jiraiya creeps in to get a better look. Your face is contorted with fear. Behind your lids he can see your eyes moving around rapidly. The flexes and twitches in your arms are a limp imitation of a block. You hadn't hurt yourself trying to move. You're having a nightmare. A frightful gasp passes your lips next. It's hard to listen to.
It's hard to recall if you had ever had bad dreams like this before. Jiraiya hadn't slept over at your place since childhood. He just hasn't seen you like this. Well... he sorta did when you were passed out in the hospital but this was different. He can't take away pain like this. By how stressed and unhappy you have been it's not a surprise that you are plagued with bad dreams. For how long... maybe he shouldn't think about that. The idea of you being like this for so long with no one to comfort you is upsetting.
It's pushing some boundaries but it's probably for the best. Jiraiya crawled into bed beside you. There's not a lot of places for him to touch without hurting you so he sticks with a classic. He runs his fingers through your hair and plays with it. Just some small touches to let you know you aren't alone.
"It's okay... I'm here." He whispered.
Your cries quiet down. A flood of warmth and relief floods his body as seeing you at ease. As he got sleepier he settled for scooting as close as he could to you and held your hand again. Anytime you squeezed he squeezed back.
Waking up beside him had flustered you. In response Jiraiya laughed it off and explained why he decided to invade your personal space. It was surprising to hear that it was because of nightmares.
"I don't remember anything about it." You answered him when he asked about it. Your dreams have never really stuck with you when you wake up. You believe him and you gave him a hug. "Thanks for helping me through it."
"Anytime." He replied softly. He returned the hug with a light grip and a kiss to the top of your head.
That first date is what set the tone for the future.
As time went on things got less awkward. You and Jiraiya had gotten accustomed to being around each other again. He made it clear that he would never leave you unless you wanted him to. There was no more arguments or hurt feelings. Trust was rebuilt and restored to where it was before it all fell apart. It was stronger now. It began to open the way to taking the steps towards a more intimate relationship.
You took back your role as Hokage. Jiraiya stuck around as an extra advisor of sorts when you needed. Minato still officially held the position but his home got ruined during the attack and was occupied with finding his family a new house to relocate to. As well as making sure his family is well adjusted to the new home once it was found. When he couldn't come in you had Jiraiya around to assist you.
Of course his presence began to be a distraction. It's no secret that Jiraiya had a habit for slacking off. His bad habit rubbed off on you the longer he stuck around. He'd suggest going on a walk or maybe taking an extra long lunch with him. Half the time when he's in your office the conversation is hardly about running the village.
It only got worse when he finally kissed you. After three months of gradually getting closer Jiraiya had finally pushed passed the barrier of friendship with you and you had officially began to date him. Now most of your time in the office was spent making out with him rather than working. There has already been countless of times of ninja walking into your office only to sputter an apology and retreating. It never stopped being amusing.
The hardest part was actually the sex. The idea of sleeping with Jiraiya was as terrifying as it was exciting. He's so handsome and you are just you. What if he didn't like what he saw? With all your newly acquired scars that fear only increased. He's seen most of them in a not sexual way and was cool about them but what if all of them together was just too much? If he took you all in only to cringe at your body it would hurt more than getting slashed apart by a demon.
Jiraiya had similar fears. People who saw you with him sometimes commented that he is batting out of his average. It's not like he'll disagree with that. You are very pretty. As much as it made sense to be together with the lifetime of being friends and well meshed personalities, clearly people think you are out of his league. Not a lot of things rock his confidence but if you saw him naked, took him all in then decided everyone was right he would die on the inside.
"Let's just strip quickly and get it over with!" You nervously suggested.
"Good idea!" Jiraiya was anxious and eager to agree.
Due to the anxiety and anticipation it was quite rushed. There was some less than graceful moments. Jiraiya got his head stuck in his shirt for several moments and needed your help. You nearly fell on your face taking your pants off and he had to catch you yet again. All of the chaos was interspersed with heated kisses and curious touches of newly exposed bare skin.
"So pretty..." Jiraiya muttered before devouring your neck with kisses. His hands weren't shy to move down your belly and pelvis before finally touching your most intimate of areas.
"Gorgeous!.." You breathlessly agreed. You ran your hands down his back and front, mesmerized by everything they felt.
As much as you tried to constantly return the favour Jiraiya refused to let you go from his attention. He worshiped every inch of you and made sure you knew exactly how he felt about your body. Your scars never bothered him. The moment he saw them he wanted to kiss them better.
When you did get the opportunity you took it. All that skin of his is just begging to be kissed. Jiraiya was a tad nervous about his looks sometimes. Which is silly. He's adorable! A sentiment that gets him very flustered. To banish away his doubts you kiss him until he stops pouting. Sometimes he pouts just to get your attention. If he's ever really down about something you'll drown him in affection. He whines a lot when you pin him and cover his face in kisses that are accompanied with loud obnoxious smoochy noises. No matter how much he complains you know he secretly loves it.
On the rare occasion you had to send Jiraiya on a mission it was always a heartfelt goodbye. Both you and him know there is no getting around it. He has a certain set of skills and sometimes there's missions that require him and him alone to do. The time spent saying goodbye and good luck to him is spent with hardly a word exchanged. Just hugging him was enough. On those days his affectionate pecks to the top of your head would linger, as if he was memorizing your scent so it stuck with him on his journey. Poor Minato had to pry him away from you or else he wouldn't leave. Seeing him off at the gate was usually capped off at yelling at each other as he kept backing away. If he didn't keep moving he would run back to you.
"Bye!"
"Bye!"
"I love you!"
"I love you too!"
It would go on for a long time. Poor sweet Minato had to hold you back to keep you from running to your boyfriend. Then he had to deal with you being sad about it. Most of the time you moped. Sometimes there's a bad day that creeped in. The type of bad day that was similar to how you felt before getting together with Jiraiya. Even though you were sad you still worked through it. You know he will be back. In the meantime you had friends who would help you through it. Absence does make the heart grow fonder.
When Jiraiya returned that old saying rang true. Seeing him again whether it was only a day or a month excited you. Most of the time he would surprise you at your office, arms out and awaiting for the swift collision as you barrelled over your desk to scramble to him. He'd catch you as you wrapped all your limbs around him. From there you and him would greet with kisses and barely intelligible words while rolling on the floor like giddy children. Every reunion felt as if he had been gone for another six years. All your worries and bad dreams get chased away with him to hold again.
Despite having to set the ground rules, Minato was very happy for you and Jiraiya. He had always wanted the two weird teachers in his life to get together. Now that they have the positives it had were many. You always smile now. If you do have a bad day Jiraiya is there to help you through it. You are much more open as a person and as a leader now. While you were always a fine Hokage, the benefits of being a happy Hokage made you better at your job. Jiraiya was outwardly much more positive and happy as well. It's clear he enjoyed staying around so long as he had you. Having to babysit you and Jiraiya so work could actually get done was a small price to pay for the boatloads of happiness the relationship caused.
As peace became normal again and Konoha was rebuilt, more good news came. Naruto had to spoil it but it's hard to blame the little guy. He's thrilled to be a big brother. He was shouting it to anyone who would listen. After nine months he had a little sister to adore. He wasn't the only one.
Seeing the new addition to the family had melted many hearts. Kushina often came around the office to let everyone have a cuddle with Momoko, who was named after the season she was born in as well as the fruit her mother craved most when carrying her. She was a wonderful distraction. It was the highlight of your day.
With her arrival meant less of Minato. He rarely complained, but he did make a few comments after Naruto was born about not being around enough. He regretted working so much during that time. So this time you gave him some paternity leave so he could be with his family as they all adjusted to the baby. He could take as long as he wished. You had Jiraiya to help you.
Speaking of... seeing him hold and coo at Momoko had made your heart do a dance in your chest. Jiraiya always had a talent when it came to children. They liked him and he liked them. He's playful. He listens to them. He's patient. They just know all of that when they see him. All those qualities shine through brilliantly when he's with Naruto. That little boy adores him. It's not hard to see why. He's a cool ninja that finds all of Naruto's toys and games awesome. They're the best of friends.
There's just something so much more... potent about these qualities he has when cradling a baby. Being a father seemed so natural to him even if he had no children of his own. He's a natural. Momoko was content and relaxed in his embrace. He had the biggest smile on his face as the little newborn stared at him with big curious blue eyes. He soothed her with gentle rocks and quiet hushes if she began to stir. He looks... good with a baby.
It would be nice to have that with him. Motherhood always looked so scary. It looked unobtainable, but with a partner like him it seems doable. Mothering Jiraiya's children and raising them with him is a future you can see. It's the first time you had thought so far ahead and it didn't tear you apart. The future isn't scary with Jiraiya by your side.
Bringing it up is hard. What if he didn't want children? Spooking him with the baby talk isn't what you want. At this point you and him have only been dating a year. In that short year everything feels right. You're happy. You're in love. You are doing well at your job and you got the man you always wanted. Everything is great! Yet you can't help but yearn for that little bit more.
"You've been quiet." Jiraiya notes. He pulled you against him and looked you over curiously. He knows that look on your face. "And you're thinking about something. What's up?"
"Nothing. I'm fine." You reply.
Now just didn't seem like the time to talk about it. Something so sensitive shouldn't be brought up in the office. The last time you did that you lost him for six years. Even if he forgave you and you him it's still a deep rooted fear. It was as if the negativity from that day lingers in the office sometimes. Not even a well placed kiss to the top of your head can calm your fears.
"Hm..."
He's not too pleased with that answer. You hardly acknowledged one of your favourite displays of affection. You are really stuck on something. He follows your eyes to see what you are looking at with such fondness and almost forlorn longing. It looked like you were staring at something you would never have no matter how much you wanted it.
Jiraiya smiles when he put together that you are staring at the baby that the elders are now delightfully distracted by. Even their sour old faces can be cured with the presence of an adorable newborn. It's a little strange... he misses holding her. There's a weird void there. He looks back over to you. What would yours and his kid look like?
"Come on. Let's take a break." He said.
"Take a break? But we've hardly done anything today."
"Don't say that too loudly, babe. Those old coots will drop more work on us."
You grin when Jiraiya gave you a wink to go with that statement. What's the harm in slacking off? It's not like there's an outpouring of missions to give out or paperwork to sign. You follow him as he led you away. Before long the warm sun greeted your skin as his adventure led outside. He took you to the most peculiar of locations but arguably the most beautiful.
On top of the monument one can see the whole village. It's gorgeous. The new structures blending in with the old. The people going about their day. The calm and quiet of another sunny peaceful day... how wonderful! The sight is better enjoyed with the best company.
You rest your head on Jiraiya's shoulder as you enjoy the scenery. The mix of the warm sun with the fresh breeze is perfect for basking. He's unusually quiet beside you. You don't have to be looking at him to know he has something on his mind.
"Momoko is pretty cute, isn't she?" Jiraiya asks.
"Very cute." You agree.
He pauses. Maybe this isn't the most romantic way to say this but... he knows what you want. He wants it too.
"We should make one of those."
You sit up properly and look at him. Have you gone crazy or did he really just say that? Jiraiya smiles at you. He's flushed. Dare you say he looks downright bashful.
"I'd have to marry you first. If you want?"
Shock has halted your tongue. It's halted your brain. A gust could topple you over. Your boyfriend is staring at you with a worried face. Panic and embarrassment is on the rise as you don't reply right away.
"Uhhhh... babe?" He asks timidly. Then his face drops with a realization. "Oh crap! Don't tell me I messed this up!"
He grabbed at his head in worry. He's holding fistfuls of his locks as he dwells on what he had just said.
"I can do better! Please don't break up with me because I'm terrible at proposing!"
"Jiraiya." You say calmly.
It does little to simmer him down. He's not even listening to you. He began to fumble around and feel up his shirt as he frantically searches for something.
"I got you a ring and everything! I swear I've wanted this for a long time! I just didn't know when or how to ask. This felt like the perfect moment!"
"Jiraiya it's okay."
"Ah hah!" He ignores you as he pulled out a box. He scrambled to one knee in front of you and opened the box to present the shiny thing inside. "I love you! Be my wife!"
Looking into his panic stricken but genuine eyes was... funny. You snort. Then you began to laugh. Your poor boyfriend looks dejected. He glances to the ledge as if considering taking the plummet down the monument to flee this embarrassing situation. Laughing at his proposal isn't the reaction he wanted.
You grab his arm and pull him towards you. You wrap your arms around him and give him a kiss. His face is hot. He's bright red to his ears. It's so rare to see him like this. Any moment now he feels like he may evaporate due to the heat he's giving off. The kiss breaks with you grinning. It's so hard not to around him.
"I love you too." You reply. You hold his bright red face to keep his gaze locked and close to yours. By how his brow is furrowed he's expecting a but. You don't have one for him. "I'd love to be your wife."
"Really? Even after that?"
"If you did it any other way you wouldn't be you."
Jiraiya couldn't hold in a laugh. He put his arms around you and flopped forward to pin you. Both you and him dissolve into giggles. Maybe he isn't the most graceful in his words but you understand him. Only someone who had known him for so long could understand his ways.
After adjusting to lay more beside you, he pulled the ring out of its box. You hold your breath as you hold your hand out for him. You shook with giddiness if you breathed. He slid it onto your ring finger. In a single short movement you are engaged.
It's a pretty ring. Jiraiya has an eye for these kinds of things and he picked out something good. It's not too flashy or bejewelled to all hell. It's common practice for shinobi to have subtle jewelry. It's a practice born from practicality and necessity for a job intended for being sneaky. This ring is no exception. A thin silver band with a single white gem embedded into it.
"Do you like it?" He asks.
"I love it. I couldn't ask for anything better."
You take gently hold on his cheek and guide him to kiss you. He holds you in the kiss for a long time. It quickly got heated. It's not long until his hands are roaming your body and you do the same to him. It didn't take much after that to start undressing one another. Soon after you are committing a crime with him atop the grand row of statued heads that look over the village. Hopefully no one with keen eyesight is gazing upon the monument only to see something they shouldn't.
You and Jiraiya took much longer than intended... or is acceptable. The elders were short with you for goofing off for so long with your boyfriend. You showed off your new ring and their criticisms quieted to congratulations. They seem to have figured out why it took you so long and they acted like you had done something horrible. Old fashioned values and all that gets them all prickly when you defy them. Hiruzen was the only one that stayed bubbly, hugging you and Jiraiya tightly as he gave a hearty congratulations. He was elated that things were going so well in the lives of the people he loves.
Jiraiya grabbed your hand and walked with you back to your office. You and him can maybe do some work today. Of course you do your best work while sat on his lap. It's hard to focus on anything aside from him.
The news spread quickly. Thankfully you and Jiraiya could personally tell the closest friends you and him share. Minato was overjoyed. Kushina was ecstatic. Naruto was bouncing because of his joy. Momoko was fairly quiet about it, although the lack of her crying did feel like a good sign.
After a not so busy wonderful day, you and your fiancé went home for a quiet night. You had become used to Jiraiya being your big spoon. For a while it was cuddling in silence. Your cheeks hurt from smiling. The future... your future... looks so wonderful. To think a year ago you were in such a bad place that thinking of the future made you spiral in fear was a faded memory.
With Jiraiya it's not scary. You know he's going to be there for you forever and you are there for him. As sleep began to set in you squeeze his hand. Before completely drifting off Jiraiya squeezed back.