Chapter Fifty

Conducting interviews

A/N I thought there should be some more interviews and longer, that Andrew conducts on his quest to find out more about Buffy and friends, hope everyone is having a nice day?!

Sunnydale, the world without shrimp 2003

So when I sat down to interview Dawn and she seemed pretty forthcoming with information. She used to a key - not sure what that means, she did try to explain but I still didn't get it. Seems all too complicated for me. But in every other way Dawn is the typical American teenager - feisty, moody sometimes, and American. She's got it all. First of all she said "Hello" then I said that thing about her being the key but I guess you already know that. So we talked about when her and Buffy were little kids and what they used to get up to.

She told me a story about her fifth birthday - when Buffy was ten. Apparently Buffy was a little jealous so she ate the entire cake and it was a big squidgy mess and when her mom went to get it they found Buffy standing beside it with cake everywhere - all over her face, arms, legs (apparently) and even bits in her hair. And because she started throwing up afterwards her mom didn't get mad she just laughed and cleaned up the mess. Dawn said she remembered hearing the story so many times in her younger years - mostly at her birthday parties.

I interviewed Willow and Tara together because I happened to find them sitting together on the couch. I may have had to grab their attention, they were a little preoccupied with themselves. And by that I mean they were making out and I had to disturb them, which I deemed appropriate, my interviewing is very important to the story. I asked Willow about the last few months or so because she went all dark again and attacked Xander, I was there too, but I don't like remembering it so much as I was tied to a chair. I came off completely less heroic.

Tara said it was a spell, to punish Willow for being more popular than this girl Amy - who apparently used to a rat or something, I'm a bit shaky on the details. All this magic, it's a tad messy. But Willow said she wasn't dark on the inside, it was just in little spats then she would become exhausted and the darkness would fade back inside her. Xander only got the cast off his arm a couple of weeks ago. His poor arm it was all shrivelled and prune like, even Anya looked sympathetically at him. Tara said she was glad to be back in the house more, and they both thought it had brought them closer even after last year. They seem to be unbreakable, I think we are starting to call them Tillow, I think it'll be a cute name for them.

Spike was hanging around the basement when I managed to catch up with him. He has been living there ever since he got his soul back. I told you about that already, well yeah, so he has a soul now and that kinda means that he's supposed to be good. I'm not sure. But he did go kinda crazy for a bit and hid in the basement of the high school but he's a bit better now. He was under the control of the first for a bit maybe he still is but he said it was awful, that he couldn't feel much but the after guilt was terrible - almost like withdrawal.

He told me what it was like getting his soul back, like all the pain in the world couldn't add up to it. Like fire was running through his chest and every memory - every thing, every decision that'd ever gone through his brain was suddenly back. Like there was a weight pressing done on him and his brain was foggy. And through the mist there were more decisions and more pain and he couldn't make it go away. He said it was torture, but seeing Buffy, the little bits of her that gave him a smile in her eyes, or pity or anything other than anger. That'd kept him going.

I feel like Spike's story should be remembered because he did it for Buffy, I'm a big believer in true love and he did so that maybe she would love him. Or that he could ever be enough for her. It's kinda sad sometimes, I can see that sadness in Buffy's eyes when she looks at him, the pity, the sadness that she doesn't love him. And he knows.

When I came to interview Xander and Anya - together because I discovered it'd been a year since their 'not-a-wedding' and I wanted to ask them about it. Mostly it was a tip off from Willow because she was trying to get them back together, actually she's kinda the only one who likes that I'm writing this. What they said was powerful and painful so I'll write it down as a bit of a manuscript. But first what do you guys think for a title - I've narrowed it down to the following Buffy: A Slayer of the Vampyrs or Buffy: The Slayer who knew no fear. It's a real toss up right?

We were all sitting around in the front room, me on the armchair and Xander and Anya were in front of me on the couch, I introduced the interview and then I started asking them questions.

Me: I gather that exactly one year ago today, you left Anya at the alter. Any comment on that?

Xander: Whoa, what the hell?

He was obviously offended by my brusque and blunt question but he should be used to that from Anya by now? Anyway so we talked for a little bit and he confessed that he thought leaving her was the right thing to do which is crazy news, and she said that they still get jealous of each other, then the cowboys really started and some stuff came out.

Me: Is it true, Xander? Do you still love her?

Then Xander looked at me, then back at Anya and started to speak. Eventually I just left them talking because it was easier, but I left a camera recording. Here's what the tape revealed.

Anya: You keep dodging the question.

Xander: I don't mean to.

He was doing this rubbing his hands together thing and not looking her in the eyes, I think he was afraid. Or nervous. Maybe both.

Xander: It's just you know how I feel right and you were the one who didn't want to stop seeing each other.

Anya: And here's where we hop on the merry-go-round of rotating knives. I blame you and you blame me and we all get cut to shreds. Please will you just tell me, tell me if in there somewhere you can find love for me. Because after everything that's happened between us, shouldn't you feel something?

He didn't even hesitate before answering.

Xander: Yes. I still love you, I always will. It's you Anya, it's us. I love you. I wasn't ready, I couldn't face seeing my family and ending up like them, I couldn't do that to you, to fight all the time and resent you. I couldn't and I can't. But I still love you, and I want to be with you, maybe we should be together and never get married? I don't know Anya.

It took Anya a while to reply, she stared at him for a while, not in a bad way. She looked like she was thinking, there was a puzzled planning look on her face. Then she said this...

Anya: I love you too.

Then she stopped again, looked back at Xander, who looked pleasantly relieved.

Anya: So why don't we? Get back together and just never get married, somehow when evil is threatening to kill us all, a big white wedding doesn't seem so important anymore. And we were fine before, we were dating and we were fine we were well not exactly young, but in love and I might sound crazy but I don't care I just want you.

Xander didn't say anything for a while after that either. He looked like the thought huh? How is this even happening to me right now? Running through his brain. But the tape continued.

Xander: I said that as a joke you know.

Then she gave him one of her sarcastic looks and he put his hand on her knee in comfort.

Xander: Yes.

Always was one to elaborate, but no, this time there was no need for Xander to say anything else. In his mind he'd already agreed, and his heart and soul were nodding and nudging him forward until he managed to squeeze the word out of his mouth. I'm only guessing, it looked like that's what happened.

Then the squeezing of her knee got more intense as he let his gaze down to it and then they were kissing. I watched it a couple of times just to learn their words. Powerful stuff guys, and I alone knew about their secret to get back together. I know it's a secret because they kept talking for a little while after the kissing and agreed to keep it a secret for a while until they worked it all out themselves. And I know about it. I am the keeper of the secrets. I already promised myself not to tell, this was gonna be big gossip in the group and I wanted to respect their privacy. Even though I did kinda film it, which I'm not deleting because this stuff is a goldmine.

Somewhere in Mexico, the world without shrimp 2002

But anyway, really I should get onto why I'm writing this in the first place and how this tale came about. Well, I told you that I killed my friend Jonathan right? Well, it was because of my other friend Warren - he was haunting me, he was a non-corporeal evil and he was telling me things. And well shortly after I was watching back the tape of Xander and Anya, Buffy and Principal Wood, I mentioned him before. Came rushing in telling me that the Hellmouth was stirring (which is bad, like super bad by the way) and that I needed to tell them everything about Warren and killing Jonathan and Mexico.

Oh yeah, last summer after we fled Sunnydale because we thought Willow was still after us, yeah we went to Mexico to hide, which wasn't too bad and idea and we got to share a bed, which wasn't too bad. We were living in this little shack in the desert when Warren came to me. You see it was the middle of the night and Jonathan had just gone to the bathroom, and there he was standing in front of me and promising me all these things like living as Gods.

Ahh Gods. But I'll get to that later.

Yeah well he told me that I needed to go back to Sunnydale right away and find the opening of the Hellmouth and that I'd need to do something when I was there, something brave. But he never told me what, just that I had to or I couldn't be a God. And to bring Jonathan. Then we both had this super scary dream about the Hellmouth and Buffy and some dude with some cheese? I don't know, it was weird.

But it meant I came back to Sunnydale and we ended up needing a whole lot of blood for opening the Hellmouth. And that lead to me standing in front of Jonathan with a knife, a very large knife with some carvings on it. I didn't think to read them or anything, didn't even know if I could. Then I was standing over his bleeding body, blood leaking from his middle and pooling over this seal thing. It was sad and I cried, but not proper crying and it made Jonathan's body look all cloudy.

But it still didn't do anything, my best friend was dead in front of me and it still wasn't enough to open the stupid Hellmouth. It needed so much blood. I think Jonathan was anemic or something so it didn't work. But then I tried killing this pig and getting blood from the butcher's and that's when Willow caught me and they tied me up. And I tried to explain, I really did but there was nothing, no going back after that. My best friend was dead. I'd killed him.

Now I'm crying again, where are the tissues? It still doesn't feel real though, it's not remorse, just horror and shock at seeing him dead like that. I can't feel it, I can't feel that regret, something is stopping it inside me. Maybe I don't yet realise the full extent of what I've done. I've never been back there, wait Buffy's taking me right in there now. Oh no. What's she going to do to me?

I mean I'm writing this retrospectively so technically I know, but drama people.