Chapter Fifty-Six

"Empty places"

A/N OK, so I watched through this one and wanted to do everything, but it would be a lil pointless so I decided to just write about what Tara thinks of the events because really she is what is different here. And I know we just had like, Andrew's view, then load of Faith, but I think this works the best. This is was supposed to be 1k but something happened and now it's 2. Oops.

Sunnydale, the world without shrimp 2003

Willow is still at the hospital with Xander, she hasn't been home since they were attacked the vineyard, her and Anya have been taking sleeping shifts to watch him and chat and stuff - she says he's not sleeping well with all the meds. But he's ok, we can bring him home soon. I think everyone here is too worried about the First and Xander and Rona and everybody to be thinking about what to do. Anya came home this morning to change her clothes and shower but because Buffy and Giles went out to see what was going on in town, her and Andrew are down in the basement giving the potentials lessons about how to kill the uber vamps. Faith's around her somewhere, and I don't know where Spike is because it's daylight and he really can't go anywhere, he might be in the basement.

Buffy came home with some police files a little while ago, the girls have been working through them with Faith as Anya wanted to go back to see Xander, he's coming home this evening so Willow's gonna stay there and come back later with him. Giles called a meeting so we're all standing around the living room waiting for him to tell us what's going on, I've been up in our room all day, trying to find something, anything on Caleb, any magic that might help. But I can't go into the dark stuff and it's hard to find. Giles sends Spike and Andrew to a church to go and figure out a symbol Caleb left. Everybody looks so depleted, like they've lost hope and they've lost the fight.

Everyone else left town today, the whole population fled because of all the bringers, the First has taken over the town. Buffy mentioned that she saw Clem this morning, he was getting out with the crowds, the roads were blocked for hours. I'm not sure how long the electricity will sustain itself. And I think Buffy went to the school, it's deserted, everywhere is deserted. It's strange, an empty town, I've never seen it like this, never this bad. Nobody left before, even when the walls between dimensions were breaking down. If the electrics go because no one is managing them then things like the refrigerator and freezer will have to be put on a generator, which we don't have. It's this old house, all odds and ends.

Faith's suggested that everyone gets out of the house for a while, I don't disagree but I don't think taking them to the Bronze is a good idea, Buffy's not here but Giles agreed to let her take them. I said I'd stay and work on research, Willow's not here anyway, there'd be no point in trying to party alone. I told Dawn she should go; she didn't want to leave me but I told her to go, she deserves some kind of release. I'm not sure how Buffy will react when she gets back from the school, actually just looking at my watch, she really should be back by now. She was just checking some of Robin's files in his office. And we haven't heard anything.

When they all trudged back through the house, Faith had a blunt bruise on her cheek and a split lip. She wasn't mad. Buffy was mad. When Willow and Anya brought Xander back from the hospital, we were all sitting around the living room again, Xander was sitting in the armchair, I sat on the arm of the couch beside Willow. Her head leaning on my side - I could tell she was tired, so I let my hands stroke through her hair. Dawn sat next to Willow, Anya perched next to Xander. Faith was standing with Buffy at the front of the room, I wasn't sure what this briefing was supposed to be about but after the vineyard, I think we all need a day or two to redouble our efforts and make sure everyone's ready for another battle. We're all too weary right now.

Then Buffy's suggesting we go back to the vineyard, to not wait around because there's something there, that they're protecting. Something that will help us; it's what we're all hoping for, but we're not ready. We can't. No one's saying anything, Robin's here too. But Spike and Andrew aren't back from the parish church yet. Faith was arguing with Buffy about this, I'm glad she's saying something at least, sometimes I forget the power she has too. Everyone's disagreeing, words thrown around like trust and sabotage, Buffy feeling threatened by everyone, I can see it. Willow shuffles next to me, her eyes looking straight ahead because she's heard this a million times before and knows it'll blow over. She hasn't the energy to fight about it.

But after a while I feel her straighten up, she says it quietly, just so it'll barely be heard over the discussion. "We can't go in again." Buffy and Faith hear and they stop fighting; they look in our direction and I look back at them. I can see Kennedy out of the corner of my eye and she wants to get up and start giving Buffy a what for. I shake my head at her, it's not a good idea right now, everybody's being challenged. Buffy looks at Willow, staring, not blinking for a few seconds. She doesn't say anything, I think Willow's lost the confidence to challenge her. We're all worn down to the bone, and she tells me to say it.

"We don't trust your judgement." I tell her, the look in my eye shows her that it's Willow's words not mine and this makes me mad, having me say it instead of her. But then her face falls, she looks back at Faith, her battle strength has gone. She realises the truth in the words tells them to vote. She's talking about leadership - steering the boat. Anya has her arms folded, she's sitting over Xander like he needs protecting.

"It's automatically you, you really think you're that much better than we are. But we don't know. We don't know if you're actually better. I mean, you came into the world with certain advantages, sure. I mean that's the legacy, but you didn't earn it. You didn't work for it. You've never had anybody come up to you and say that you deserve these things more than anybody else. They were just handed to you. That doesn't make you better than us, that makes you luckier than us." Anya says. She's standing now, it feels like a coup. She has us questioning everything. Would Faith be better? They have the same slayer powers, maybe a different brain would have a better way of looking at it. But I should stand by my friend, she might be wrong but somehow she needs to know this isn't about feelings, this isn't us rejecting her. It's us trying to fight the best way we can.

So I stand up, it doesn't mean anything, just that I could say something. Buffy's taking it out on Faith, she's always done that, her and Faith, they're not friends or enemies. So what are they? They fight on the same side yet there's so much jealousy. I believe Faith, she's making sense. None of us can look her in the eye now. It feels like a personal attack, none of the potentials are talking anymore, this is between the Scoobies. It had to be Dawn. She takes a step towards Buffy and it feels like a private moment, there's tears down her face as she talks. It had to be Dawn because it's hers, her house, her sister, her life too. And Dawn knows Buffy would never fight her for this, it made her think of her mom, and all they'd lost together, Summers' blood. I cried too because I could see how much this hurt Dawn, telling her own sister to leave.

Buffy rushes through the door in a fit of tears, she just let them glide down her face as she struggles to put on her coat. On the other side of the door she hesitates for a while. Faith went after her but I stopped her, they can talk after, she needs to know this wasn't about her. "Buffy wait-" I call, she doesn't turn around, she knows it's me she can recognise all of our voices.

"Tara, go." She says to me, shoving her hands into her jacket pockets but not moving. I can hear the tears straining in her throat, making her voice high and jumpy.

"Buffy, I'm sorry. You have to know this wasn't about you. This was about the team. We still love you. It's not about that. It's about doing what's best for the world. But you know that. You're not a child, but neither are they, and they can stand up for what they want. Dawn is capable of staying strong on her own, she needs you but she doesn't need you to protect her anymore. So I came out here to tell you that we love you, Willow loves you, you're her best friend, always together. She's not abandoning you she's choosing. She chose you once and she never wanted to make that choice again. I'm sorry, but I know. Xander loves you too, and Dawn, she loves you more than anything in the world. You can go if you like I just thought you needed to hear it." Buffy doesn't move, she stays silent as I watch her back as she turns. She walks up to me and hugs me tightly, I can feel her tears wet on my shoulders, but I don't care. She needs this.

I can hear the door opening and closing behind me. I thought it would be Faith but it's Willow. I think she came to say something similar so she walks around us and joins in the hug. It doesn't last long but I can feel something change, this isn't 'battling the First' Buffy and Willow, it's 'studying in the school library' Buffy and Willow and it makes a change. In a minute; Buffy will leave and find somewhere to go for the night, she knows this and so do we. In a minute Willow and I will go back inside the house and up to our room, we won't say anything to anyone because that's a conversation for tomorrow, tonight we're remembering who we used to be. But in this moment, Buffy and Willow are back in high school - I've heard the stories - and they're celebrating their first vampire killing together, they're young and silly and stupid and most importantly best friends.

Slowly the group hug breaks apart and Buffy walks down the path not quite smiling but almost. She says "I love you guys." And turns at the end of the driveway. Willow's head falls onto my shoulder and she gives out a sob, I know this sob. It's the one she saves for Buffy, when Joyce died, when Buffy died, when she found out Buffy was in heaven. The tears were always wet and heavy and left her eyes red raw. So I take her upstairs, put her to bed and wrap my arms around her because tomorrow will be harder than today. And so tonight we comfort each other, before everything changes.