On September 13th, I was browsing through the trending section of Youtube when I came across a video that I thought would never be posted in a million years.
'Panini' by Lil Nas X now has a Chowder themed music video. When I was in the 5th grade, almost everything I watched on T.V. was Chowder. Now it's more than 10 years later and I have a fanfiction account.
Love the video or hate it, this is a huge thing for me and I'm glad to come up with this idea for a story. I'll give a more detailed explanation for everything at the end.
In the story, this is also my first and hopefully last time coming up with rap lyrics. I didn't even know I COULD write rap.
Anyway, enjoy.
Lemy in Marzipan
"I had a thousand bad times.
So what's another time to me?
You try to burn my house down.
But what's another house to me?
'Cause I can take anything you give me.
It's gonna take a lot more to kill me bitch…"
Lemy shuts off the alarm on his phone. Rubbing his eyes and getting out of bed, he finishes the last lyrics.
"So thank you for the grave. I needed me a place to sleep."
He sighs. While he would like to stay in bed for a bit longer, monday mornings in the Loud House are pretty much unavoidable because he has school.
Outside his door, he hears the sound of doors opening and closing while somewhat being drowned out a little by the usual dialog of the sisters-slash-cousins that he has. His aunts only one floor below him doing their own things.
The 12 year old talks to himself again.
"The 18 headed beast has awoken. Wait… 19? Is dad talkative? Nah, 18 sounds better."
He shrugs his shoulders and gets ready for another crappy day in the linen closet he calls his room.
The smell of pancakes can be easily noticed in the dining room of the Loud House.
Some members of the huge family are sitting down while others are rushing through their morning routine.
Currently, Lacy Loud is sitting down with Loan, who for once decided to get up before 8.
"Sooo… Loan." Said Lacy, trying to start up a conversation. "What made you want to get up before noon today?"
Loan sits completely still as she struggles to answer Lacy's question. "P-pokemon Day and Pokemon N-night are gonna be r-released today. I-I'll be waiting outside the store as it opens."
Lacy looks down at her coffee mug.
"Ah. Those ought to keep you occupied for about… a hundred hours?"
"F-feels more like a hundred minutes." Said Loan as she sips her coffee, her face then instantly lighting up.
"Mmm. Pumpkin."
Lacy laughs. "I know right? I was even the one who suggested that we buy it!"
As soon as Lacy said that, the two half sisters are then startled as they hear their dad raise his voice.
"Lemy, what do you think you're doing!? Grab a plate!"
They see their brother eating a pancake while standing up and only using his hands. A small glass of orange juice and an open container of butter flavored syrup are standing next to him.
"A ride in Mecha-Vanzilla just doesn't appeal to me as much as it used to, dad. I'm taking the long way to school by skateboarding there."
His dad, Lincoln, closes his eyes and exhales.
"Fine then, I won't stop you. Just wear a helmet. I would rather have my kids be safe rather than cool."
Lemy smirks. "I was planning on wearing one anyway. I don't think I can even listen to the best artist of all time just as clearly if I have a concussion."
It was just then when Lemy's mother, Luna, walks over to her husband's side and crosses her arms.
"You know, that's something I wanted to talk to you about, Lemy. WHAT… does this Post Malone guy have that I don't?"
Lemy keeps smiling as he answers his mother's question.
"Maybe it's because I identify more with HIS songs… and that he lets me keep my EARDRUMS!"
Luna then looks down at the floor while Lincoln consoles her.
Meanwhile, Lemy looks over to Lacy and Loan. "Pumpkin spice coffee. Nice. Hey, here's a question for you two: Is pumpkin a fruit or a vegetable?"
It was then that Liby stands up from her seat.
"Oh no! You are NOT gonna start up another one of these deb-"
"What!? That's easy!" Said Lacy, interrupting her sister. "The pumpkin's a VEGETABLE!"
"WHAT!?" Angrily yelled Loan as she faces her sister.
Sitting back down, Liby sighs in defeat. "I didn't speak up fast enough."
Loan continues speaking "The pumpkin's a FRUIT! How is it a vegetable!?"
Their aunt, Lisa, pinches the bridge of her nose. "Well THIS just ruined my morning!"
She knows that she's gonna be having less brain cells in just a few minutes and that there's nothing she can do about it.
Loan starts off with her argument. "Pumpkin pie. Pumpkin bread. Pumpkin… cookies. It's a fruit!"
Lacy angrily shakes her head. "Doesn't matter! It doesn't matter! Listen! VEGETABLES… are from the lands of old times! The land being… MEXICO! It's in the history books I read in elementary school! Pumpkins came with the vegetables, which means the vegetables are the PUMPKIN!"
Loan starts off with her counterargument as Lemy starts to leave the house, not caring about the conflict he caused.
"The Mexican farmers from thousands of years ago KNEW that when they were eating their own vegetables, they weren't eating FRUIT! That history book of yours is PROBABLY outdated!"
Lacy raises her voice as Lemy puts his helmet on and exits the house with everybody else witnessing the debate.
"No! LISTEN! The Spanish colonization of the America's, right? The colonizers ATE many fruits and vegetables that were growing there! PUMPKINS were documented WITH the vegetables! I don't slack off when it comes to history!"
Loan takes a deep breath and calmly replies.
"Pumpkin spice Frosted Flakes. Pumpkin spice Cheerios. Pumpkin spice Frosted Mini Wheats. So you're telling me that the CEREAL COMPANIES have made VEGETABLE cereals!? You've lost this debate! I'm getting out of here!"
"HOLD ON! HOLD ON! HOLD ON!" All eyes are on Lacy. "I didn't lose NOTHING! Pumpkins are EVERYWHERE now! THERE A LIFE SOURCE! Such as… HISTORY!"
Lincoln then leans towards Lacy's mother, Lynn, and whispers in her ear. "Do you understand what she's saying? I don't."
Lynn shakes her head. "Nope."
(Seven and a half hours later)
Lemy is seen walking outside on the sidewalk thinking to himself.
"I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY SUSPENDED ME! I was just about to leave school, too! The guy STILL has my fucking skateboard! He should be the one who face a damn punishment!"
(Three hours later)
Lemy is in another part of the neighborhood. It's getting late.
"When I get home, I'm hiding in the bunker. Nah, that's the first place they'll look. I can't FUCKING STAND THEM scolding me! I can imagine my DAD being scolded by his parents when they found out he was making babies with his sisters… FUCK!
SCHOOL WAS OVER THREE HOURS AGO!
I damn walked past my block 20 times already! I'm gonna take the long way home one more time!
When I get back to school, I'm gonna be the MAN because I STILL won that fucking fight! They KNEW I acted in self defense!"
(10:00 P.M.)
It's dark outside, and Lemy is leaning against a random fence.
"No, the moment I put my hands on somebody, I'm wrong. They told me over and over again to just tell on him.
It doesn't matter now. My sisters and my aunts will be ALL OVER ME the moment I step through the front door. Lacy's probably wanting to break my skull in with a baseball bat when she finds out that the pumpkin is a FRUIT!
AAAAAH! I should have ridden in Mecha-Vanzilla if I knew I was gonna get suspended for the rest of the week!"
He then decides to run across the street, but while running, he hears a familiar voice.
"THERE YOU ARE, LEMY!"
It's his sister, Lyra. His only full blooded sibling driving her personal vehicle that she worked so hard for.
While Lemy was distracted, he trips on the curb…
"Oh shi-"
He trips and hits his head on the hard sidewalk below him.
The last thing he sees before closing his eyes is his sister quickly covering her mouth with her hands as she witnesses him in pain.
"Hey, little buddy? Uh… you okay?"
Lemy feels his head throb as he hears a voice.
"Aaugh!" He struggles to form words.
"Oh geez. Here, let me help you up."
Lemy then immediately notices the voice is referring to him and also what feels like two stumps, not hands are tugging at his right arm.
Subconsciously, he stands up. His headache subsiding, he opens his eyes only for him to take a few steps back at who he is seeing.
"A… wooly mammoth?" Right in front of him is a large guy with a trunk. Brown hair on every inch of his body while also wearing blue complete with suspenders.
It's also broad daylight right now and not night.
"Uh… YES! I AM A… wooly mammoth! Good! You seem to not have forgotten what that is!"
Lemy then thinks to himself.
"Wait a minute… he looks… familiar. He looks just like that character from one of the cartoons that Lizy forced me to watch with her… what's it called?"
The wooly mammoth man moves closer to Lemy.
"Hey buddy? Is there anybody I can CALL!? Do you want me to call an ambulance? Or are you alright by yourself? It kinda looks like you had… quite a fall."
"Wait…" Said Lemy as he puts the pieces of the puzzle together. "I remember now. You're Gazpacho, right? You're a… fruit vendor."
Gazpacho chuckles a little. "Yes, that's correct. From sun up to sun down, seven days a week. Stopping only for personal reasons. Word's been going around, huh? I have never seen you before and I don't think you've seen ME before, either."
Lemy looks around him, taking in the architecture and the people's choice of attire.
And the snail cars.
"I'm in… Marzipan? This is Marzipan, right?"
Gazpacho nods joyfully. "You got it, buddy! It looks like you're not gonna need that ambulance after all!"
Lemy's mind then wanders off to thoughts of his family. His sisters, his aunts, and his uncle.
"I need to find a way back."
As soon as Lemy takes in his surroundings, however, he hears a familiar voice.
"STOP! FIEND!"
The two look towards the direction of the voice.
"Well look who it is." Thought Lemy. "The purple cat bear rabbit hybrid himself, Chowder."
They watch Chowder climb on top of a lamp post swatting away a pink cat bear rabbit hybrid wearing a yellow and green dress with a stick.
"Come down here, Num-nums!" Said the pink rabbit. "If you do, I'll make you a baker's dozen powdered flarts."
After taking a second to consider her offer, Chowder shouts back.
"Panini, for the millionth and one time…"
Lemy places a hand to his ear to funnel the noise in.
"I'M NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND!"
"Ahhhh! THAT'S WHAT I WANNA HEAR!" Thought Lemy as he smiles from ear to ear.
Panini sighs as she shakes her head and puts her hands behind her back.
"Okay, Num-nums. I get it. You're busy and you don't want me to distract you."
She starts to walk away. Only to turn her head around to face the one she wishes to marry in the future.
"I'll see you again tomorrow. And next time… I'll just wait for you to come down."
Panini skips away while Chowder slid down the lamp post.
"Oh no. What do I do? I can't afford to stay inside! Mung will urge me to go out!"
Lemy then looks at Gazpacho.
"Well, that's my cue. It was very nice to meet you, Gazpacho. My name's Lemy by the way."
He extends his hand for a handshake, which Gazpacho accepts.
"Nice to meet you, Lemy. It's always nice to make a new friend. OH! There's something I wanna give ya!"
Gazpacho rushes over to his stand and comes back with a fruit in his hand.
"Take this bluenana! It's on the house!"
Lemy's eyes light up. "Really!? Thanks Gazpacho! I appreciate it!"
Gazpacho laughs. "No problem, buddy! If you ever need me, you know where to find me!"
Lemy nods and then walks over to Chowder.
"Hey man, umm… Looks like you got yourself a problem, huh?"
Chowder looks at Lemy with concern. "Uhhh… do I KNOW you?"
Lemy laughs. "Haha. Hi, my name is Lemy Loud, I… JUST MOVED HERE! Yeah! I'm trying to familiarize myself with this place and I just so happened to see you trying to get away from someone! I thought I could do something to help."
Chowder then smiles at Lemy.
"Well… welcome to Marzipan! It really is a great place to live in. I could always make another friend! I'm Chowder, by the way. I'm the apprentice at Mung Daal's Catering Company!"
"Fantastic!" Shouted Lemy. "So that girl that was chasing you. She really wants to be your wife someday, am I wrong?"
"OH YEAH! Panini's crazy about me! I do wish she could just be friends with me and leave it at that!"
"Well… I think I have an idea about what I can do to help you with your problem.
You see, there are girls out there who want to be closer to me for the wrong reasons. I only escape by distracting them by making them think something else."
Chowder rubs his neck. "So you… like… 'get creative' like Gazpacho puts it?"
Lemy nods. "YES! EXACTLY LIKE THAT! I have a SONG in mind! I love music as much as you love cooking!
Heck, we both like to wear PURPLE! That's another thing we have in common!"
"It's the color only possible with the warmth of red and the coolness of blue: the perfect balance!"
"RIGHT! I couldn't have said it better MYSELF! Are you ready to sing your heart out so you can solve your problem with that girl!"
"YEAH! And I know JUST what to do next!"
Ten minutes later, they're sitting on a bench eating tacos. (Paid for by Chowder)
"Thanks, man." Said Lemy. "I haven't eaten in like… eleven hours."
Chowder raises an eyebrow. "How are you even ALIVE!?"
"Oh… um… I like your hat." Said Lemy, trying to change the subject.
"Uh… thanks… I… LOVE your… bandana! It has a cool design."
Chowder then finishes off the rest of his taco.
"Anyway, I'm going to get the band back together. They've been playing on the streets for far too long!"
(A stack of pancakes can be seen filling up the space on the screen. A dollop of butter along with some syrup fall on to the pancakes before it's chomped away by an invisible force showcasing the next scene: Iconic Chowder Scene Transaction)
Nearly six hours later, with all preparations over and done with, it's now time for the show. Lemy is now tapping on a microphone on an outdoor stage.
"Testing testing.
One two.
One two.
One two."
He then looks to his right, then his left, then his right again. Chowder is nowhere to be found.
"You take the moon and you take the sun.
You take everything that seems like fun.
You stir it all up and then you're done.
Rada rada rada ra ra rada rada.
So come on in, feel free to do some looking.
Stay a while, 'cause something's always cooking.
Come on in, feel free to do some looking.
Stay a while, 'cause something's always cooking.
All right, we're good!"
He then sees Chowder step onto the stage, finally addressing him and the other three band members, who are just random background characters with no spoken lines in the show.
"Okay, everybody! Make sure that you got your part all practiced out! We can't afford to make mistakes in this performance!"
Silence.
"Okay! Great! Thank you!"
He moves closer to Lemy. "You ready, Lemy? This song of yours is PROBABLY gonna be on everybody's mind for at LEAST a week."
"I was born ready!" Answered Lemy. "Let's get this party STARTED!"
Chowder nods then runs up to Ms. Endives Tasteful Foods, ringing the doorbell. He then puts his hands behind his back.
Within two seconds, Panini answers.
"Oh, hi Chowder. Have you come to tell me that you love me? Or maybe you've got another one of those wedding cakes behind your back?"
"Wow. She really doesn't need space anymore now, does she?" Thought Chowder.
He continues to say nothing as he points her towards the outdoor stage with ten people gathering around in front of it.
"Another show!? For me!?" Panini said in excitement. Cheerfully remembering the 'I'm Not Your Boyfriend' song that he performed for her one year earlier.
Even though it was only one four letter sentences repeated over and over again, it was in her head for weeks. It was special because it was something Chowder arranged for HER.
Chowder then runs up to the stage and taps the microphone.
"Thank you all for coming everybody, thank you. Now before I begin this song, I would like to come out and say that the song isn't exactly MINE!
I made a new friend today who made some tweaks to one of HIS old songs so now he has a chance to share it with all of you people here today.
And now… without further ado…
TAKE IT AWAY, BOYS!"
As soon as those words left Chowder's mouth, the band immediately starts playing.
Lemy is alongside them, whistling the iconic notes to the intro to the song.
Chowder then takes a deep breath, and starts singing in the voice that Lemy has instructed him to sing in.
"Hey Panini,
Don't you be a meanie.
Thought you wanted me to go up;
Why you tryna keep me teeny? I…
It's a dream he… wished it on a genie.
I got fans finally, ain't you wantin' them to see me? I…"
"WOOOOOOOOO!"
The crowd goes wild as Chowder starts singing the next verse.
"I thought you want this for my life.
For my life…
Said you wanted to see me thrive…
You lied!"
It was then which Chowder felt like he was no longer singing with his mouth, but with his heart.
Who knew Lemy Loud can be so talented with words?
"Just… SAAAAY to MEEEE,
What you WAAAANT from MEEEE!
Just SAAAY to MEEEE,
What you WAAAANT from MEEEE!"
Chowder stops singing and starts talking again.
"Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for my newest friend, LEMY LOUD!"
With the cheers of the audience ringing in his ears, Lemy takes the center stage and starts rapping the lyrics that he himself wrote for this song.
"Okay, this song right here reminds me of my life.
It's got me swimming to the cruise ship,
While it STABS me with a knife!
I be like…
Right on my bed, losing sleep, even though it's not the night.
I hear them knocking, I don't answer,
I'm still healin' from the hyped up fight.
Oh, now they're outside havin' barbecue,
While I'm inside choosing red or blue.
I'll swat those PILLS… RIGHT… OUT!
Just to LEAVE… NO… DOUBT!
He runs TO girls, I run FROM girls.
Three at a time, sometimes four.
I just want fame just like the Beatles.
They say stop, but I SAY GO!
I be like…"
Lemy then stands on his toes while rocking his head back and forth while Chowder performs some dance moves that Lemy had taught him earlier.
Chowder starts singing again.
"SAAAAY TO MEEEE,
What you WAAAANT from MEEEE!
Just SAAAAY to MEEEE,
What you WAAAANT from MEEEE!
Now when it's all done,
I get the upper hand…"
As Chowder continues to sing about what he wants from Panini if he ever achieves his dream of becoming the best chef in the world, Lemy looks up at the late evening sky.
He thinks about his family, and how they may or may not react if he sang a song to them just like this one.
Just like Panini, they are a bit clingy at times.
He sings along with Chowder to finish the song.
"SAAAAY to MEEEE,
What you WAAAANT from MEEEE!
Just SAAAAY to MEEEE,
What you WAAAANT from MEEEE!"
Lemy then whistles into the microphone again, mimicking what he did at the start of the song.
"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Lemy, Chowder, and the rest of the band were met with massive cheering from the audience. The song was truly well received.
"So THIS is what fame feels like." Thought Lemy. "I NEVER want this to end!"
His thoughts were then interrupted, however, by the joyful scream of the pink hybrid.
Panini rushes up on the stage and immediately gives what looks like a tight hug to Chowder.
"AAAUGH! What the!?" Said Chowder, looking more confused by the second.
"Chowder! That show was so much better than your first one! You ARE the best boyfriend in the world!"
"WAIT! Hold on! Hold on!" Interrupted Lemy. "Did you even pay attention to the LYRICS!?"
Panini then gives Lemy a quizzical look.
"Only the 'Hey Panini,' and 'Just say to me what you want from me.' But the melody was PERFECT! For all I know the lyrics were just you both giving step by step instructions on how to make a thrice cream bingo cake. It's still the best song I've ever heard in my life so far! Thank you!"
"Damn. All my hard work… down the shitter." Thought Lemy. "People STILL don't appreciate music like they used to."
"Lemy! Please help me!" Cried Chowder out of desperation as Panini carries him away.
"Sorry, Chowder! If music can't free her from you, NOTHING CAN!"
Lemy then ignores Chowder's cries for help as he walks away and picks up the bluenana that he set down earlier on a speaker.
"Let's see what this tastes like."
He was about to peel the skin off when he suddenly hears what sounds like singing from the sky above him.
"If Heaven was a mile away,
Would I pack up my bags and leave this world behind?"
He takes a step back in shock. "L...L… Lyra?"
He then feels his chest tighten.
*COUGH*
*COUGH* *COUGH*
"If Heaven was a mile away. Would I, fill the tank up with gas and be out the- LEMY!"
Lemy wakes up to see his sister, Lyra, get up to her feet and immediately clings to him. Showering his head and neck with kisses.
"Oh God!" Said Lemy. "Get away from me!"
He pushes her away with his right hand, immediately taking in his surroundings.
The linen closet he calls his room.
He hears his sister speak.
"Oh, Lemy, THIS IS ALL MY FAULT! I never should have confronted you the way I did!"
Lemy then feels a slight soreness on his forehead. Deciding to run his fingers through it, he immediately feels something: a bump.
Commonly referred to as a 'goose egg.'
"Looks like the bandana didn't do much to protect me. How long was I out."
"Overnight. It's almost 10 right now. Aunt Lisa said you'd wake up around noon. NOW COME HERE!"
Lyra then tries to pounce on her brother again only for him to move out of the way.
"Lyra! I'm not your boyfriend!" Lemy yells without thought.
She then gives him a look of confusion. "Huh?"
Realizing what he had just said, Lemy unintentionally gives off a goofy smile.
"Heh heh."
Back in Marzipan, Gazpacho is doing his usual duty at his fruit stand: polishing the fruit so that it looks presentable and more likely to be purchased.
The sound of the radio can be heard in the background as he sings along.
"Just SAAAAY to MEEEE,
What you WAAAANT from MEEEE!
Just SAYYYY to MEEEE,
What you WAAAANT from MEEEE!"
He then immediately shuts off the music.
"ALLLLL RIGHT! That's enough."
Okay, that's the story. I hope you guys really enjoyed reading.
The reason why I made Lemy the main character of this story and not an 11 year old Lincoln is mainly because I don't like to imagine Lincoln liking the songs of Lil Nas X or Post Malone even though he would grow up with them. He said his favorite band is SMOOCH, which I would like to think is '70's style loud rock music, similar to KISS. Lemy listening to songs that came out 10 years before he was born just sounded more appealing to me. Everytime I hear a new song, I imagine Lemy hearing it for the first time in the year 2038 or 2039.
As for the rap, I looked at a few Sin Kids stories to come up with a few ideas. If you look a bit closer, you'll see a reference. I won't say what it is, but it's kinda obvious. I realized after the first time I listened to the song, if I was gonna write a story based on it, I'll have to write my own rap to replace the one that Schnitzel did, otherwise it'll make the reading kinda boring.
But what do you guys think of the story? Is there anything that I should have done differently?
I'll have another story ready for you guys in about two weeks. It'll be another crossover, but it won't be centered around The Loud House, or anything really.
Until then, see ya!