Chapter 23

Pain tore through Bucky's brain, ripping him apart, burning away his consciousness till it was all he could focus on. It didn't matter how many times he had been in this position; it was always excruciating; leaving him shattered and his throat shredded from his screams of agony. Sometimes he wished he could suffer through it all in silence, not giving them the satisfaction of knowing just how much it hurt. But then there were the times like today where just once, just fucking once, he wished that he could scream loud enough to drown out what they were saying to him.

The trigger words.

Ten seemingly random words that turned him into their weapon. The next time he would be in this chair, there would be more blood on his hands. Suddenly there was a loud click, and the machine was abruptly wrenched off his face, leaving Bucky twitching and panting from the smoldering aftershocks. For only the span of a heartbeat, the room was silent, then the man continued reading.

He tried to fight for control, his hatred and fury giving him strength enough to hold out for a few more seconds, as the man before him sought to pull out the monster from inside of him.

'I'm going to kill you!'

The vicious thought thundered across his mind and Bucky wished, with everything left inside of him, that they would hear his unspoken words.

'I'm going to kill every single one of you! You can't hold me here forever! One day I'll get out and nothing, not a God damn thing, will be able to stop me from hunting you down and ripping you apart!'

"Good morning, Soldier." The man looked down at him with expectant but dispassionate eyes, awaiting his reply. Rage, white-hot and filled with the promise of blood and pain and death, rolled over him, echoing through his mind in a roar of anger.

'You're all dead! Do you hear me? You're all fucking dead!'

"Ready to comply."

.

Bucky jerked awake, his heart beating wildly in his chest, pumping the rage he had once felt through his veins again. The trigger words pierced and poked at him, circling his mind like spikes, trying to find a way in, a way to let it, him, out. Ruthlessly taking control of his body, Bucky silently scanned the room slowly for any signs of HYDRA; his enhanced hearing straining to listen to the world around him.

'Nothing.'

Slowly he turned his body, feigning sleep so he could look behind him.

"Bucky?" The drowsy sound of his name wrenched him out of his head, and startled, he looked down and saw a woman snuggled up to his torso with his metal arm holding her close. "You ok?"

Confused as to why a woman would be in his holding cell, sleeping on his cot, and calling him by his name; Bucky was reluctant to say anything. Then, as he stared down at the beautiful woman in his arms, his mind suddenly cleared. The room around him as well as the situation he found himself in, came swiftly into focus.

With a shaky exhale, he kissed the side of Maddie's head and forced his mind and body to calm down. "Ya doll, everything is fine. Go back to sleep, Maddie." She was out before he could finish the sentence. A frustrated sigh tore through him and he relaxed back into the bed, wrapping his soul mate protectively in his arms. "I'll never let them touch you. You will always be safe." He whispered this vow against her head before sinking back down into the pillows. Trying to regain the peace he had lost due to the darkness in his mind; Bucky listened to the world outside of their warm little bubble as it woke in the predawn light. And slowly his thoughts drifted to what could have been.

'Why couldn't we have met before HYDRA?! Before they killed the real Bucky? You deserve much better than me.'

He thought back to the few times HYDRA had, knowingly or not, left him in control in a room with a reflective surface. He would stare at her name for hours, first thinking of ways to escape. How he would fight his way back home and find her; everything, all they had done to him, would be worth it if he could just find her. Then, as the decades passed, his thoughts turned to death because she was probably gone already, and what did he have to live for now anyway? But he had a chance. A chance to make a fresh start, to be someone new, who had light in his life as opposed to someone who lived in blood and shadows and death.

"Whoever I am, I'll make you happy. I swear you'll always be happy."

.

.

-A few hours later-

Maddie shifted in his arms, burrowing into the bed, and Bucky pulled her closer once she had settled. This was something he had grown accustomed to doing throughout the night whenever she would snuggle under the covers, but this time her movements caused a lock of hair to slide down her face. As gently as he could, Bucky removed it from her nose; pausing to watch as the soft morning light played with the array of colors in her hair. The pale strands were surprisingly more silver than he thought they would be and looked like smoke as they slid through his metal fingers.

A soft sound brought him out of his mind and Bucky smiled as he tilted his head down to check on the woman asleep in his arms. He had spent the last four hours lying in bed with Maddie tucked in close beside him, enjoying the quiet as the sun slowly rose in the sky. Part of him wished he could have slept more, but the damn memory had woken him up, body alert and ready to go. Although he had to admit that even without the nightmare, he still would have gotten up around that time to check the perimeter, reset traps, make a fire, and start the generator. But this morning was different, today he had no desire to leave the bed.

His soul mate sleeping in his arms was a balm to his battered soul. Something that he desperately needed.

Running his fingers along the skin of her stomach, Bucky's thoughts drifted back to the love they had shared that night. Her acceptance of him was a gift he never thought he would ever get to have; so much so that he almost didn't think it was true. This morning he had woken to the demons in his mind trying to pull him back down into the darkness, and for a heart-stopping moment they had, but then Maddie had so easily dragged his ass back to her, without even knowing that she was doing it. It was a terrifying but heady realization.

Maddie shifted again and Bucky briefly wondered if she was going to wake up soon. It was closing in on 7:30 and she didn't normally get up tell after 8 so it would be... Suddenly his brain blanked as a rush of pleasure sent his attention straight to his dick.

Whether she was asleep or not, Maddie had rubbed against him as she shifted in his hold. His fingers twitched, caressing the skin of her stomach and he lamented the fact that it was his metal hand, as his real one was trapped under the pillow.

'Maybe I should move the bed to the opposite wall so that, oh fuck!'

She did it again, gently rubbing her ass against his covered length, driving him crazy with a slowly building pleasure. Dropping his head, Bucky buried his face in her hair and breathed her in. "Maddie?" he groaned, "Are you awake?" Her fingers running over the back of his hand was his answer, and when she slowly moved his hand up under her shirt to cup her breast he smiled into her hair. "Good morning doll."

Kneading her warm flesh in his hand, he gently rolled her nipple between his fingers and felt her shudder against him. Suddenly Maddie rolled in his arms, and he moved his hand to her back, pulling her against him. Her sleepy smile was cute but the twinkle in her eyes was all mischief and trouble, the kind that had him growing harder. Her smile grew as she stretched, rubbing herself against him. "Good morning Bucky."

Her lips were so soft, and he groaned when she opened with only the slightest brush of his tongue. He couldn't stop his hands from running over her warm skin to explore her body. His desire growing with every new inch he discovered, every curve, bump and scar driving him crazy. He felt her slide her fingers through his hair, scraping her nails gently against his scalp and he shuddered at the feeling, loving it, loving her.

Rolling them so that Maddie lay on her back; he released her mouth and sat up to lean against his heels, smirking down at her as she gave him a dreamy smile. Gently he encouraged her to drape her legs over his hips, giving him access to her body. His breath was unsteady as his metal fingers dipped into the waistband of her shorts to grip her hip. "How are you feeling?"

Her smile was gentle as she reached out to him, returning her fingers to his hair. He let her pull him down into another sweet kiss and her next words were spoken softly against his lips. "A little achy but," she paused, and he felt her lips press against his again but this time her tongue came out to brush against him. "It's nothing that I can't handle, I've had worse…pain or discomfort…there before." That gave him pause, he quickly deciphered what she was trying to say and made a mental note to question her about that topic later, before pressing his lips against hers again.

"Good," he took hold of the waistband of her shorts and slid them down her legs till she could kick them off, then he repositioned her legs back over his hips. "I would have to keep you in bed all day if you were in pain." Warmth filled his chest as he teased her, at the knowledge that he could tease her and be himself with his other half. It felt good, it felt damn good.

Maddie's cheeks slowly bloomed with color, and she giggled, flashing him a crooked grin. "Oh no, I'm in pain." He ran a finger back and forth through her folds, lightly brushing against her clit each time. Her eyes glazed and he smirked as he watched her shiver in pleasure, his ego loving that he could make her react like this with just a touch.

"I thought you said you were ok?" lowering his head, he drew his lips down the column of her neck, kissing a path towards her collarbone.

Her breath caught in her throat and Bucky felt her whole body shudder. "I ummm…oh God, Bucky, that feels so good." She whispered then laughed softly, changing her tone, she slyly complained. "No honey I…I'm in so much pain." He heard her gasp as he gently brushed his thumb over her clit while ever so slowly pushing one of his fingers inside of her. A deep chuckle rumbled through him at her mischievousness; playfully complaining all the while shifting her hips up to give him a better angle. Not wanting to cause her any actual pain while they were playing this little game, Bucky barely moved as he made his way inside of her.

"Do you want me to stop? I think I should stop." He stopped moving and heard her groan into his ear.

"I think if you stop, I'm going to die." Her chuckle was breathy and beautiful, and he smiled against her neck, feeling the vibrations against his lips when she cleared her throat. "You're going to have to keep me here all day Bucky.

He hardly let her get the words out before he was moving inside of her again. Gazing down at her flushed face, Bucky watched as her teeth bit down on her lower lip and it nearly drove him over the edge. His dick strained uncomfortably against the fabric of his boxer briefs, aching with his need to be inside of her. But she wasn't there yet, wasn't ready for him. "Don't worry doll," he nipped at her soul mark before running his tongue over the small hurt. "You're not going anywhere. I'll take good care of you."