Thanks so much for all of your support last chapter!
Icedragone - I'm really excited for you to read the next chapter because we get to see a little bit about what's been going on in Callie's head and perhaps seeing some of that healing. Kids really are the worst and her teacher is just a lovely example of some of the fine teachers that are in our public school system today. Hahaha yeah, Chloe really has been suffering a lot - but positive things are coming! Thank you so much for reading and for your support!
Jody1990 - I'm sorry for probably having to make you say "poor Callie" again this chapter :( but hopefully this is the last really bad one! Everyone really does need a Chloe Beale in their lives! The development is coming very soon and it's going to happen very quick (kind of? idk you'll see what I mean) BUT I cannot wait for you to read the epilogue. I am so excited to get it down on paper. Thank you so much for reading and for your continued support!
Darkandtwistedmind2.0 (Jun 25, Jun 27) - Oh my goodness hello! I'm so glad you found the fic and are enjoying it so much (but I do hope you got some sleep hahaha). And wow... that descendants fic was written a lifetime ago and hopefully my writing has improved since then lol but that's so cool that you recognized my writing style what the heck! Thank you so much for reading and thanks for your support!I hope you enjoy the rest of the fic :)
RJRMovieFan - I'm so glad that you enjoyed the chapter! It is very interesting switching from the sort of, on the run vibes, to simply having Beca and the kids living, but I'm loving every second of it. Good prediction on the time jump ;) you'll see that shortly! Thank you so much for reading and for your support!
Chapter 21
Content Warning: Implied, referenced, and descriptions of domestic violence/child abuse; panic attack (Callie); trauma and PTSD.
"Happy birthday dear Callie… happy birthday to you!"
Beca grins as she captures a few pictures on her phone of Callie blowing out the candles on her birthday cake. She claps along with everyone else, watching as Callie smiles up at the crowd, anxious to dig into the chocolate, fudgy dessert.
It's the happiest that Beca has seen her in weeks. Laughing light-heartedly with Bella and Henry who are on either one of her sides; leaning back in Aubrey and Stacie's deck chair, the cheap little birthday tiara that Chloe bought her on her head.
So far, today has been a good day.
Compared to Thursday when the kids were asking her questions on the playground, Friday was alright. She made it through the school day and was a little quiet when she got home, especially after her (rescheduled) appointment with Andrea, but other than that, she was okay.
But today – today has been a good day.
Beca woke the kids up with pancakes, enlisting Emily to help her prepare a breakfast fit for a birthday princess after running over to Aubrey and Stacie's in the early morning hours to set up. Callie came out of her bedroom a little cautiously but perked up when Beca engulfed her in a giant hug. They ate breakfast and Beca got them ready for the day. While they were brushing their teeth, Karla arrived at the apartment after flying into the city that morning.
Callie had known that she was coming, but the excitement on her face – the way that she threw herself into Karla's arms – was priceless.
They eventually made their way back over to Aubrey and Stacie's house, piling into Emily's rental that seats six people, with the kids sitting all the way in the back. They sang happy songs on the radio, Beca not wanting to take her eyes off of the rearview mirror and watching the grins on her kids' faces; the happiness radiating off of them.
Chloe, Aubrey, Stacie, and Bella met them out in the driveway, each of them cheering and showering Callie with love and hugs and kisses as they all wished her a happy birthday. Chloe picked her up and spun her around, Callie's squeals of delight filling the neighborhood. Bella gave her the tiara that Chloe bought, and as they walked into the backyard, Aubrey and Stacie whispered to her all of the snacks that they had bought for the day and how they're making baked ziti – Callie's favorite meal – for dinner.
The games began after that, with kickball, Silly String battles, and badminton being checked off the list. They listened to music, danced around the backyard, and most of all, enjoyed the fact that Callie was so clearly being carefree and allowing herself to be rid her thoughts of the stress and worries that so consistently plague her mind.
Eventually, Callie and Bella disappeared to go upstairs to Bella's room, and Henry lost his steam. He fell asleep on Emily's lap for the better part of the afternoon, awaking only for dinner and when his sister returned to his side. The kids stayed outside after that, already experiencing the effects of the sugar rush from the cake that hadn't even been eaten yet.
But they only got more excited when Beca carried the cake out, holding her hands behind the candles so the light breeze blowing through the backyard didn't extinguish them. They sang, they watched Callie's shining face through the dancing flames of the candles, before a round of applause broke out amongst the crowd.
Beca makes her way back over to Callie's side, wrapping her arms around her and pulling her in close. She presses a kiss into the top of Callie's head. "Happy birthday, baby."
Callie leans into Beca's side, while Beca gives her another kiss. "Thanks, Mama. Love you."
"Love you too, Cal – so much."
Callie relishes in her mother's hold as Aubrey starts to cut the cake. Because, as much as this day has been fun – as much as the excitement has taken her mind off of, well, everything – the exhaustion is starting to creep up on her. The fatigue of the day allowing other thoughts to start to approach the edge of her mind.
She tries to shake them off, though, as Aubrey sets a piece of cake – a big one, too – in front of her. Callie manages a smile, sitting up in her seat as Beca's hands drift down to settle on her shoulders. She's grateful for her mother's continued contact as she picks up her fork, taking a bite of the chocolate cake.
Callie really enjoys when they all get to spend time together. Being with Chloe, Emily, Karla, Aubrey, Stacie, and Bella – it's always such a fun time. All six of them – the people outside of just her, her Mama, and Henry – they all seem to know her in a way that allows them not to have to ask her questions all the time. Sure, sometimes they watch her carefully. Sometimes they whisper to each other when they think Callie isn't looking. But there's an understanding amongst them.
There's also the distinct feeling of unconditional love.
That feeling is something that Callie has grown to seek comfort from, specifically when her mother isn't around. At the beginning, when they first moved to New York, Callie didn't trust any of them. But now, now Callie knows that they are never going to leave them. That they stuck by her Mama's side through some of the most challenging days of her life, and that they care for her and her brother.
And Callie couldn't be more grateful, because sometimes, when the thoughts get really scary, or when something happens and she can't breath – if she can't find Beca, she knows that there are six other people who can help.
There are six other people who want to help.
Andrea has reminded her of that fact time and time again. That even though, sometimes, it feels like her life is falling apart – that nothing is in her control – that there are people that are always in her corner. That there is always someone there willing to guide her through the storm.
Chloe has taken on that role in particular. School is… hard, for Callie. The actual school part of it isn't difficult at all. She actually quite likes the rigor of her coursework in comparison to the lessons she was doing with Karla. She especially likes it when Chloe gives her the worksheets that her students are working on after she finishes the ones that Mrs. Beckley gave her.
But the most challenging part is the other kids. The thoughts and the way her mind sometimes stops working the 'right' way during the day. The reminders that could be triggered by something as simple as a sound or smell.
That's when she goes to find Chloe, knowing that her presence – her hugs, the way she holds Callie a little differently than Beca does, but still gives off the same energy and comfort – will be able to calm her down. Quiet the voices in her head. Make the images flashing across her mind, disappear.
Andrea promises that it will get better someday, but Callie really doesn't know when someday is.
It's been a long time.
She wants nothing more than for it to be 'someday' now.
She wants the 'someday' to include her not being angry anymore; her not losing control every single day. Her not making her Mama sad; her not needing to rely on Chloe to save her during school or needing other people to help calm her down.
But in the meantime, she does have her mom. She has Chloe. She has Emily, and Aubrey, and Stacie, and Karla.
They're all there to help her battle off her inward most thoughts and emotions.
And Callie couldn't be more grateful.
Yet, as she sits with her cake in front of her, trying to keep her hand steady as she eats bite after bite, the laughter of her Mama, brother, and their friends surrounding her, she is once again forced to understand that even though she has this support system – even though she knows she has a support system – her trauma – that's what Andrea calls it – is still ever present.
Because as she's eating, as she's trying to keep her hand steady, as she tries listening to the sounds of laughter and happiness, her mind is doing the same thing it always does these days. It's showing her memories of her father – some from previous birthdays, some from the last birthday they spent with him at the house, and, of course, ending with him smiling at her from across the table at the jail visiting room.
Her gaze drifts down as she attempts to silently acknowledge the memories – acknowledge that they happened, acknowledge that there was a lot of stuff happening in the house that she didn't know about while they were happening – all of the strategies that Andrea keeps telling her to do.
Acknowledge the pain; acknowledge the fear; acknowledge the confusion – and then tell it that it's not time to process it now, and that it needs to go away.
But, like always, that strategy doesn't work, and Callie is left with a tightening chest.
A pounding heart.
Sweaty palms.
Callie grips her thigh, her fingers leaving angry red marks on the skin that the shorts of her romper don't cover. She tries to take a deep breath – in through her nose and out through her mouth. She tries calming down.
She doesn't want the laughter to stop.
She doesn't want to ruin the day.
She digs her teeth into her bottom lip, taking another deep breath before pushing herself away from the table. She stands on shaky legs, completely aware of how the conversation around her stops, and all eyes turn to her.
"You okay, bug?"
Mama. Her heart calms just at the sound of her mother's voice. But she can't look at her – she knows she'll break down if she meets Beca's caring, loving – understanding – eyes. So, she just nods, keeping her eyes on the deck flooring as she maneuvers around the crowd. "Yeah, I just have to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."
If Beca – or anyone, really – doesn't believe her, they don't say anything. They allow Callie to escape the crowd, slipping into Aubrey and Stacie's house and closing the slider door behind her. She lets out a sigh of relief as soon as she's inside the quiet walls, tears instantly springing free from her eyes.
Why does she have to be like this?
She can't shake her father's face from her mind. She can't stop hearing his voice. His laugh.
Callie walks further into the house, away from where anyone can see her from outside. She grips her hair at the roots, her breath strangled as tears slide down her face. Her chest is just as tight as it always is, but she can do this.
She can get out of this all on her own.
She's done it before. Sometimes at night if Beca doesn't hear her wake up (it isn't very frequent, but it happens). Sometimes at school during passing time or before Chloe comes to pick her up. Sometimes when she's just hanging out in her room.
Again, it doesn't happen very frequently – not when she has so many people looking out for her and making sure she's okay – but she's been trying to handle it.
She's been trying to be strong like her Mama.
In. And out.
She's acknowledging the memories. She's acknowledging how terrifying they are. How scary it was for her in that time. How she didn't know what was going on.
She's acknowledging that they happened and they're a part of her – but that that isn't the most important thing.
And then she's saying goodbye to them – she doesn't want to deal with them right now. She's not in a good headspace to address the thousands of questions that are presenting themselves as she thinks back on the last birthday dinner she had with Theo and trying to remember Beca's face and how she was acting during the time.
Trying to see all the signs she missed. The signs pointing to everything not being okay.
When Beca had told her the truth about Theo, Callie had originally been too shocked to respond. A part of her didn't want to believe her. She didn't want to believe that her father – though absent at times – was hurting her mom. Her best friend. The one person that Callie has always trusted; always counted on.
She almost couldn't believe it.
Beca had acknowledged those concerns. Telling her that she understood if it was hard to believe or if Callie didn't want to believe it. But they had, apparently, gotten to the point where Beca could no longer keep it from her. At least the bare bones of the situation.
But then, as Callie sat on it, she started to believe Beca more and more. She remembered all of the times that her mom got up from one seat and moved to another, further away from wherever Theo had sat down. She remembered all of the times she woke up in the middle of the night to yelling, and then Beca would be laying on her bedroom floor in the morning, but would be gone by the time Callie was supposed to be up and getting out of bed. She remembered all of the times that her Mama would make her leave Theo's office when he was getting frustrated, or when he was drinking a lot of his drink at dinner.
And though another part of her then found herself wondering, if all that bad stuff was going on, why Beca stayed at home as long as she did, Andrea tried explaining to her that her mom was scared of her dad, and that forced her to stay.
Callie still can't even imagine her mom being scared, but she must've been, if what Andrea is telling her, is true.
So, Callie still doesn't exactly understand what happened with her parents, and she doesn't exactly want to ask, either because then she has to think about it and her Mama has to think about it and she knows that it makes her Mama upset, so… she just keeps her questions inside.
And sometimes, that results in spirals like this one – the one that ends with her sitting on the staircase leading to the second floor of Aubrey and Stacie's house, her head in her hands, absolutely exhausted.
But she did it. She calmed herself down. She didn't ruin her birthday party.
She can't help but to smile at that, even if it's just to herself.
The pride doesn't last long, though. Not when she leans back against the steps and hears the slider door open and then close, the soft padding of bare feet against the hardwood getting louder and louder as the person gets closer.
She should've known that someone would come looking for her.
Callie can't even be left alone for five minutes (though, now that she's thinking about it, it could have been much longer) without scaring someone.
The thought makes her chest tighten again.
"Callie?"
Callie looks up at the voice through slightly-bleary eyes. She's come to learn that following some of these moments, her eyes grow fuzzy and tired. She isn't sure if it's because her brain is fuzzy and tired, or if it's just a result of experiencing a lot of feelings at once. Andrea says it's just her body's way of making her slow down, but Callie hates it.
Nevertheless, she knows it's Bella standing in front of her, quickly approaching her and sitting down beside her on the step.
"Are you okay? I told Aunt Beca that I would come check on you."
Callie feels a brief bout of frustration building inside of her, annoyed that she can't even step away from the group lest people think something's wrong with her.
She can't blame them, but still.
Callie manages a nod, her head feeling pounds heavier than normal. "I'm okay. I just needed some alone time."
"Oh." Bella says it with a sense of shock that only comes along with unfamiliarity with Callie and what she goes through. Everyone else – all of the adults – would have completely understood. "You were gone for a while. What were you doing?"
Callie likes Bella. She really enjoys spending time with her, especially because Bella, unlike the other kids that she goes to school with, seems to understand Callie. She knows what she can and can't do around her – she knows when to give her space and she knows when it's safe to continue playing. They've always had an underlying sense of understanding, even when they only knew each other from a brief introduction initiated by their respective moms.
So, there's something different about when Bella asks, compared to when someone else from school asks.
It's not the same level of comfort that her mom brings her, or even Chloe, but it's up there.
"Just…thinking." Callie contemplates explaining further, knowing how the other kids at school have reacted to some of the things she's done this past year. As much as the presence of other people can sometimes be unnerving, she doesn't want to chase Bella – her one friend that is around her own age – away. Eventually, after a few beats of silence, the words escape Callie's grasp before she can decide whether or not to let them. "Sometimes, something happens, and my head gets filled with different thoughts and it can get really scary, so I need to leave the room."
Bella furrows her eyebrows. She knows that Callie faces different challenges than the average nine-year-old. She knows that the whole situation with her dad isn't a good one. She knows that the last year has been rough (to say the least) after her dad was arrested and went to jail. But it's not like her moms have given her all of the details. And, sure, sometimes Callie gets a little more frustrated when they're together, and other times she doesn't want to hang out altogether – but who is Bella to question that? When her moms and aunts are totally understanding about it, how else is she supposed to react?
Plus, this is the first time that Callie has ever openly talked to her about it, and Bella has always been an inquisitive child. If she can figure something out to help Callie – to help her cousin and her friend – she wants to do just that.
"What kind of thoughts? Would talking about them help?"
Callie falls quiet. Her mom always tries to get her to talk about her thoughts. Sometimes she does, sometimes she doesn't. She still doesn't want to be responsible for making her mom sad. Chloe asks, too, and of course, so does Andrea. She shares them sometimes. Other times she keeps them to herself. It truly just depends on how she's doing following a little breakdown. And while her mind is clearing up today, there's another thought that is forcing her not to say anything. "I don't want to make you feel weird. Or think I'm weird."
"How would you make me feel weird?"
"I don't know… it's not normal to be like this. And I don't want to make you sad. Or scared."
Bella shakes her head with a smirk. "No one's normal, Callie. Plus, I think a little weird is cool. Come on, tell me: what were you thinking about that made you leave half of your slice of cake on the table?"
Callie's heart clenches in her chest, but she manages a shrug. "I don't know. They were about my mom and-and my dad," the word feels bitter in her mouth, "just like they always are."
Bella stills. Honestly, she'd be lying if she said she wasn't expecting that to be the answer. But she knows that now they're entering rather dangerous territory. She never forgot about the conversation she had with her moms following Theo's visit over a year ago – the one about her needing to come get an adult if Callie or Henry start asking questions about their father. So Bella knows that she'll need to go get someone soon, but right now, she has it under control. She can help Callie. "That must've been scary. I think you're really brave for handling those types of thoughts all by yourself."
Callie perches her chin on her fists, staring at the front door that's in front of them. She mumbles, not looking in Bella's direction. "No. I'm not. I'd only be brave if I could stop them from happening."
Bella shakes her head without a moment's hesitation. "I don't think so. I don't think I could handle that stuff without my moms. I can't even sleep by myself after I have a nightmare and I'm almost thirteen."
Callie blushes, thinking back to how it was just two nights ago that Beca had to rock her to sleep after another nightmare, and how she slept with her the entire night, wrapped up in her arms. "I can't do that either."
"Yeah, but you have an actual reason to be like that. What happened with your dad… that was really scary, Callie. I think you're holding it together better than anyone I know, could. That makes you really, really strong."
"Not really. I'm always getting into trouble because I'm not strong enough to handle it."
Bella's head tilts to the side, looking at her younger cousin with the utmost dedication. "Who do you get in trouble with?"
"School… my Mama doesn't say it, but I bet she gets angry, too."
"I don't think Aunt Beca could ever get mad at you." Bella speaks the claim with such dedication that it causes Callie to look up into the blonde's green eyes. "She loves you with all of her heart. She's a mom, that's what they're supposed to do. There's nothing that you could do that could make her get so angry that she doesn't love you anymore. Especially with something like this – something that you can't help."
Callie just shrugs.
Bella, not one to give up – she gets that from both of her moms – pushes harder. "I'm serious… it's not your fault that your dad was so mean and horrible. That would make anyone have some struggles. I mean, just look at your mom."
Callie turns her attention back to Bella. "What about my mom?"
Bella shrugs nonchalantly. "Well, when she first got here, she was really stressed and scared because she thought your dad was going to come back, right? And that's happened a lot since. But she's also letting my moms help, and Aunt Chloe, and Aunt Emily, so she's better now. Have you talked to your mom a lot about what happens in your head?"
Callie hesitates, knowing the real reason why she doesn't always disclose what she's thinking about to her mom. She's talked to Andrea about it, and Andrea always tells her that she's wrong, but that doesn't stop her. "Yeah..."
"But?"
Apparently, Bella can see right through her answer, too. "But I don't want to make her sad, like me. So, I don't talk to her all the time. Sometimes I just keep it in. That's when it gets really scary."
Bella's face is blank for a short moment, before she lets out a light laugh. "Callie, you have to talk to your mom! She's the strongest person ever – both of my moms said that. She's going to want to help you! I mean, I kind of get it – I wouldn't want to make my moms sad either, but they'd probably be more sad if I were sad and keeping things from them, you know?"
Bella's logic does make sense, but there's a bigger part of Callie's mind that is telling her no, she's not right – you'll just add on to your mom's stress, that is playing on a loop. "I don't know."
"Come on – you want to talk about what's going on in your head, right? And, a lot of times, it's about Theo?" Callie's chest tightens at the name, and she can practically feel her face grow pale. "Sorry… do you want me to stop saying his name?"
Callie shakes her head. Honestly, most of the time, it's easier to hear his name than to hear the word 'dad'.
"Okay… so a lot of the times you want to talk about what's going on in your head and that means you want to talk about Theo – your mom is the only one that really knows about all that stuff. And she wants you to be okay. She wants you to be happy and healthy. So, you should let her help you."
Callie doesn't answer. Instead, she just lets Bella's words mull over in her head. Again, it's not like she hasn't heard them before – even from Beca, herself. It's just hard to put needing help above not wanting to upset her mom, who has already done so much for them, and who has already been through so much.
Bella lets out a sigh beside her. "I wish you had just been living here the entire time. Then you wouldn't need to deal with this and we could've known each other for so much longer."
The corner of Callie's mouth quirks upward, her brain clear and hearing Bella's wish loud and clear. It relieves some of the tension in her shoulders. "Me too."
"I know I'm only a couple years older than you, but I'm still proud of you for being so strong. So are my moms. They're always talking about it. I love you a lot – you're like, one of my best friends."
Blush rises to Callie's cheeks once more, but she genuinely smiles at Bella when she answers. "Thank you, Bella. I love you a lot, too."
Beca tries distracting herself with garbage clean-up, but all she can focus on is Callie's half-eaten slice of cake at the head of the table.
She knows that Callie wasn't okay when she claimed she just needed to go to the bathroom. She could see it in her daughter's face that there was something going on; the way she paled, the way her breathing pattern changed the slightest bit to become noticeable.
But she also wanted to give Callie some space to try and calm down by herself. If anything, Beca constantly asking Callie if she's okay, would only overwhelm her more. So, Beca let her slip into the house without much of a fight – but that doesn't mean that Beca hasn't been watching the clock like a hawk, taking note of how long Callie has been inside, and desperately trying to keep herself from going in after her.
Bella saying that she would go see if she was okay, helped. A lot. Beca has always loved the relationship that Bella and Callie have; there's a certain understanding that Bella has for the younger girl that most adults can't even muster. But still, Bella is a kid and Callie can sometimes be an angry kid.
She has a right to be nervous.
Yet there hasn't been any yelling. Neither Callie nor Bella have come back outside with tears streaming down their faces. They still seem to be talking when Beca and Karla start to bring the trash inside while the rest of the party guests start to set up Aubrey and Stacie's fire pit for the night, so Beca tries to let them be.
"I can see those gears turning again."
Beca looks up at Karla as the other woman holds the garbage bag open to her. Beca lets out a light laugh, ears straining to hear any bit of Bella and Callie's conversation – they might be in the living room, but also maybe Aubrey's office? – to no avail. "Callie's been gone for a while… I'm getting a little nervous."
"Getting? Or you have been nervous since she left?"
Beca rolls her eyes light-heartedly, keeping her voice down in case Callie and Bella aren't together and one of them is listening to the conversation. "Please. I think 'nervous' is my constant state when it comes to the kids."
Karla abandons the bag, moving to help Beca at the sink. "Well, I guess that answers my next question."
"Which is?"
"How've you been holding up? I can't see your face over the phone, so I can't tell when you're lying to me when you say you're fine."
Smirking, Beca looks Karla directly in the eye. "I'm fine."
Karla lets out a round of 'tsks'. "It must be because we haven't seen each other in so long; I can't tell if you're lying or not."
"We saw each other when I was last in Los Angeles. You went to the lawyer's office with me."
"You're avoiding the question."
"Karla – seriously. I'm doing alright. Things with the kids are stressful, sure – that's not going to change any time soon. But they are safe, I am safe; the divorce went through, Theo's parental rights were terminated… I can't really complain about any of that, can I?"
Karla purses her lips, slowly starting to wash some of the food platters. "I was wondering when that would come up."
Beca's eyebrows furrow together, especially considering she just listed, like, five different things. "What?"
"The divorce."
"You were wondering when I would bring up the finalization of my divorce with my abusive ex-husband? The one that you were there to witness said finalization of? The one that you held my hand through?"
Karla shakes her head. "More like, wondering how none of that explains why you still have that ring on your finger."
Beca's stomach fills with lead, her heart stopping in her chest at Karla's words. Subconsciously, her eyes flick down to her left hand. Sure enough, the silver band is still there on her ring finger.
But not because Beca still wants it there – not because she still wants that tether to Theo. More like, because she forgot that it was there.
Beca has spent the last twelve years trying to remove herself – her presence, her awareness – from Theo's hold. She's never felt love for him; never felt that intimacy of marriage. Instead, she's only ever felt trapped. Manipulated. Scared.
So, she hid from reminders that they were married. She wouldn't put their anniversary on her calendars at work. She would laugh at anyone that referred to him as 'her husband' rather than 'Theo'.
She forced herself to ignore the presence of, and eventually try to forget, her wedding ring.
She tried to distance herself from that bond, that connection. Which is why, even when the divorce was finalized, she didn't feel the pull to remove the wedding band.
Because she never felt connected to it. She never felt anything other than entrapment coming from it.
But even that was symbolic. In reality, when Beca signed the divorce papers, already marked with Theo's own signature – that was when she truly felt free.
She doesn't even feel the weight of the metal on her finger anymore.
It couldn't be more insignificant to her.
Yet she understands why it may seem significant to others.
"Oh." Beca looks down at her soapy hands, running her finger lightly over the band for the first time, probably since the first afternoon she put it on. She lets out a humorless laugh. "That doesn't make a lot of sense, huh?"
Karla shrugs, shutting the water off after their hands are clean from soap suds. "If it makes sense to you, that's fine. I was just curious. You didn't make any move to take it off in LA… I sort of assumed it would've been gone by the time I got here."
Beca flexes her fingers, moving her ring finger so the wedding band catches the light. She remembers picking it out with Theo. She hadn't wanted anything flashy – nothing that would draw attention to the fact that they were in a relationship. She convinced Theo by saying that if it was discreet, she could still wear it during performances. It was probably one of the only things back then that Theo agreed with her on. "To be completely honest, I haven't really thought about it. I've ignored it for so long, I'd kind of forgotten about it."
Karla tilts her head to the side. "Really?"
Beca nods. "Yeah. Plus, it's not like I have any reason to need to prove that I'm single. That ship has long sailed."
"What do you mean that ship has sailed?"
Beca gives Karla an incredulous look. "Karla – seriously?"
Karla shrugs innocently. "What? Explain it to me."
Beca gapes at her, her eyes flitting ever so slightly out the kitchen window to the backyard where everyone else is gathered. "You want me to explain how I just got out of a ten-plus year-long hell of a relationship, have two traumatized children, am still working through all of my own shit, and, even if I was remotely interested in 'getting back out there' – which I'm not, just so we're clear – no one would touch me with a ten-foot pole?"
Karla frowns at her. "Beca…"
Beca manages a smirk. "Karla."
For once, Karla seems to be at a loss for words. For as long as Beca as known her, Karla has always had answers. Answers to Callie and Henry's seemingly endless questions, answers to how to get Beca out of Los Angeles. But now, all that's on Karla's face is blatant sympathy. "Whether or not you are comfortable dating again is one thing. I can completely understand that and would never push you in that regard – but can we go back to the 'ten-foot pole' comment?"
When Beca doesn't answer, blush rising to her cheeks as she starts to wipe down the already-clean counters, Karla continues.
"Any person would be lucky to have you as their partner, Beca, regardless of what you have been through – regardless of what you have survived. You and the kids are blessings to everyone you meet. Anyone would be lucky to call you their family."
Something inside of Beca's chest does a little flip at Karla's words. She keeps her back to Karla, begging herself to force away the thought that emerges at the statement.
Because it's the same exact words that Chloe said to her less than two weeks ago.
"I'd do anything for you guys. You're my family."
Clearly, Chloe's words are meant to have a completely different meaning than Karla's, but Beca's brain enjoys shoving Chloe back to the forefront of her mind.
Trying to trick her into seeing something that is clearly not there.
"Beca, where'd you go there?"
Beca shakes her head as though trying to shake her thoughts out of her mind. "Nowhere. I'm fine."
Karla lets out a sigh, "Beca…"
"Aunt Beca?"
Beca whips around from her position in front of Karla, escaping another round of questions, and instead turns all of her attention to Bella who has just come around the corner and into the kitchen. "Hey, kiddo. Where've you been?"
Bella waltzes right up to her, lowering her voice so that only the three people in the kitchen can hear her. "I was sitting on the stairs with Callie."
Beca tries to keep her heart from picking up its pace at Bella's insinuation. "Oh? What were you guys doing out there?"
Bella leans up against the counter, never once breaking eye contact with her aunt. "We were talking. At first, she wouldn't really say what she was thinking about, but then she started talking about her dad. I think I calmed her down a lot, but my moms have always told me that, if Callie asks questions about Theo, I have to come and tell you."
This time, Beca's heart sinks – but she couldn't be more grateful for her niece. "Thank you, Bella. I really appreciate you coming to get me, and I'm sure you did a great job at trying to calm her down. She's been having a hard time lately."
Bella nods knowingly. "We talked a little bit about that. She said that her thoughts get scary."
"They do, but we're working on it. I'm going to go check in with her and make sure she's okay, but we'll come back outside as soon as we're set, alright?"
"Okay." Bella wraps her arms around Beca briefly. "I love you, Aunt Beca. I'm really happy that you and Callie and Henry moved to New York."
Holding back a quickly appearing round of tears, Beca presses a kiss into Bella's head. "I love you, too, Bells. And I couldn't agree more."
Beca cautiously approaches the staircase that she knows Callie is still sitting on, thanks to Bella's intel. She tries to remain calm, not exactly knowing what she is walking in to.
But Callie is there, sitting on the steps, staring ahead at the closed front door. She's picking at her fingernails, her thumb digging into the deep hangnail on her index finger. Surprisingly, it doesn't look like Callie is actively crying, and instead, she seems relatively at peace.
"There's my birthday girl." At Beca's voice, Callie's attention jolts in her direction, which allows Beca to see the pure exhaustion on her face. The lack of light behind her eyes. The paleness to her skin. "What're you doing in here, bug?"
Callie shrugs, scooching over so that Beca can sit down next to her. She lays her head on Beca's upper arm until Beca wraps said arm around her, pulling her in close. "Thinking."
"Thinking? What about?" Beca keeps her voice quiet and soothing, gently allowing her fingers to trail up and down Callie's arm.
Callie shrugs against her. "I dunno. Stuff."
Beca hums in acknowledgment, never once loosening her grip on her daughter. "Hm. Stuff. That's very descriptive, babe." This pulls the slightest laugh from Callie's lips, but the sadness is still, undeniably, there. Beca takes a deep breath. "It must've been pretty scary to pull you away from your birthday party and your cake."
A faint smile appears on Callie's face once more, but disappears in a flash, as though the thoughts racing through her mind wiped it away.
Beca gently sways her to the side. "Come on, bug. Talk to me – what's going on?"
Callie audibly gulps. She takes a deep breath. "I calmed down all by myself."
Beca's heart sinks at the way the slightest hint of pride laces Callie's words. She treads carefully. "Well, that's great, Cal, but you don't need to calm down all by yourself – you could've gotten me, kiddo." Callie's gaze drifts to the floor as Beca continues. "What did you have to calm yourself down from?"
Callie takes a deep breath. "I just started thinking about The—Dad." She catches herself at the last moment, but frustration flashes across her face with a twitch of her eyebrow and a crinkle of her nose.
Thinking back, Beca is almost certain that that is the first time she has ever heard Callie at least start to call Theo by his name rather than 'Dad' or 'Daddy'. Not that the kids mention him very often, but when Callie does, it is always 'Dad'. Beca, too, doesn't call him Theo around the kids, but that is only because she had been under the impression that they wanted her to call him by his former title. "You don't have to correct yourself. Did you want to call him 'Theo'?"
Callie blushes with a slight shrug. She keeps her voice quiet. "Andrea told me that he has to earn the title and that if I don't think he earned it, I don't have to call him it."
Beca's eyebrows arch in surprise. "Well, you're absolutely right, Cal. Do you feel more comfortable calling him Theo?"
Callie shrugs again, repeating some of what she spoke about with Andrea this week, to her mother. "I don't know. Sometimes. I feel like… because of everything that happened… that I didn't really know him when he was my dad?"
"Do you mean when we were still living in Los Angeles?"
"Mhmm."
Beca brings her hand to Callie's head, lightly stroking her chestnut curls. "That makes sense. Thank you for telling me, bug."
Callie remains silent, waiting for Beca to continue and knowing she will. Though, she has to say she's at least a little grateful for that guarantee because her chest is still as tight as it was when she first sat down, and she knows that her mom will be able to loosen it up at least a little.
"Now, can you tell me what brought you inside in the first place? What were you thinking about?"
Tears start to prick at the back of Callie's eyes, but eventually, she answers. "I was just thinking about my old birthdays. And-and Theo's..." She tries the name out on her tongue, and at first, Beca is expecting her to correct herself, but she doesn't.
"Okay… birthdays. What about your previous birthdays?"
"Just—" Callie's words are cut off when she inhales a sharp breath that turns into a hiccup. The tears that had previously been at bay, start spilling down her cheeks. "I don't really kn-know what's real and wh-what's not and that-that's really sc-scary."
Ignoring the thickness in her throat and the way her own eyes are burning now, Beca holds Callie as close as physically possible. "That sounds really scary, bug. Do you think I can help you out with that?"
Callie shaking her head catches Beca off guard. "No? Why not?"
"Be-because I don't want to m-make you s-sad." A gut-wrenching sob rips through Callie's throat, and she collapses even more into Beca's arms.
It's an argument that Beca has heard time and time again, both from Callie, herself, and from Andrea after particularly difficult sessions. It doesn't matter how many times Beca seems to tell her, though, because Callie never seems to want to cave on her position that asking Beca questions about anything that happened in LA would be detrimental to her mother's well-being. "Callie, we've talked about this before, bug. I want you to ask me any questions that you are either curious about or if they are questions that may help you feel better. You're not going to make me sad, baby – this," Beca's voice cracks ever so slightly, "this, Cal – seeing you this upset, this makes me sad."
Callie struggles to take a deep breath in, her nose rattling with the inhale. "I just don't kn-know what to-to think."
Tears now streaming down her own face, Beca lifts Callie from the seat beside her, to her lap. She holds her daughter close, rocking side to side as Callie continues to cry and attempt to get a few breaths in. They sit like that until Callie's breathing evens out and she is resting her head tiredly against her mother's chest.
"Okay, I want you to look at me, Cal."
Callie meets her mother's navy blue orbs with shining ones of her own.
"You and Henry – you are the most important people in my life. You and your brother are my number one priority – that means that I protect you, and you let me protect you. So, that also means – and I know we've talked about this before, but I want you to really listen this time – that if you have questions, Cal – questions about anything – I want you to ask me. Because, really, I think a lot of times, when your head gets all busy and you get overwhelmed and, and frustrated… I think a lot of that can be helped by talking about it and asking the questions that you are so clearly holding in."
Callie squeezes her mom's hand tightly, allowing her words to envelope her in a blanket, and never once disputing Beca's notion.
"I promise that I am never going to get mad at you for asking questions. Anything you want to know, Cal, I will try my very best to answer. I promise you that." Beca presses a kiss into her daughter's head, allowing for the words to sink in, before starting again. "So, let's go back to your birthday – or Theo's birthday. What were you thinking about?"
It takes a moment, and at first Beca isn't even sure if Callie will answer her. But after a few minutes, a soft voice emerges from Callie's chest. "Was he angry?"
Beca has to keep herself from letting out a breath of relief when Callie actually asks. She pushes away her own discomfort with the question, instead focusing on how this – answering Callie's questions, something that both Beca and Andrea have been fighting for – could truly have a positive impact on her daughter's life. "When, bug?"
"A-t his birthday."
Beca thinks back to the day in question. Theo had wanted to go out to dinner without the kids, so Karla stayed with them. When they got back, the four of them had cake. Theo had been frustrated because the restaurant hadn't had the private room ready upon their arrival, and Beca, while talking with the waitress, had managed to ignore a fan that had come up to ask for her autograph, failing to keep up the image that Theo so desperately wanted to maintain for her. He had wanted the kids in bed by the time they got there, and they weren't. He and Beca put on happy faces throughout dessert and the bedtime routine, but both of them knew what was coming when the kids were asleep, and Karla was heading home.
"He was. There had been some people at the restaurant that frustrated him, so he was a little agitated." She leaves out the part about the kids not being in bed because, despite Beca promising to answer the questions, she will not hurt Callie more by telling her some of her father's worst thoughts.
Callie gulps, starting to play with Beca's long fingers like she used to do when she was younger. "Was he always angry?"
Beca lets out a soft sigh, never once letting her daughter go. "It's hard to say, Cal. Sometimes it would take something big, like an argument, to make Theo mad. Other times, it could be the smallest thing like forgetting to pick up a glass from the counter."
Callie averts her gaze this time, her ministrations slowing. Her next question is quiet, as though she doesn't actually want to mutter the words. "… And then he would hurt you?"
Beca ignores the churning in her stomach, remembering her promise once more, before answer. "Sometimes, bug."
"After we went to bed?"
"Usually, yes."
She looks down at Callie, curled against her chest, with her lower lip trembling. A few tears sneak through the corner of her closed eyes, Callie inhaling shakily.
After the night of the accident, it was hard to keep Theo's actions hidden from either of the kids. Mostly because it was nearly impossible to explain what had happened when he had shown up at the house threatening to break down the door.
Once Callie was calm, she explained to her daughter that Theo was sick. He had been sick for a while, and that part of that sickness meant he got really angry. When he got really angry, sometimes, he wanted to hurt people.
More often than not, that person was Mama.
She explained it a little more with each passing day, but Callie was so traumatized that Beca still doesn't know what stuck with her, and what Callie does and doesn't understand. When she started seeing Andrea, it became abundantly clear that Callie was so confused about what was going on, that further discussion was necessary.
Beca wished more than anything that she had told Callie the truth about her father before the accident, just like everyone had told her to.
But she didn't, so she was left to play catch up. To help her daughter make sense of it all. And she's going to keep helping her make sense of it all for as long as it takes.
Callie shifts her gaze back to their joined hands; her eyebrows knit, and her bottom lip tucked in between her teeth.
Beca can practically see the gears turning in her head.
"Go ahead, Cal. What do you want to ask?"
Callie takes another deep breath, her chest rising before she holds the breath in, slowly deflating as she releases it. "Did he ever hurt me and Henry?"
Beca's breath hitches and she looks up at the ceiling to try and keep her own tears from falling. She closes them slowly, trying to hold in her emotions – to stay strong for Callie – before looking back down at her with a soft smile. "Can you sit up for a second, Cal?"
Callie obliges, moving so that she is sitting, rather than laying, on Beca's lap. This time, Callie keeps her eyes trained on Beca, never once looking away.
Beca uses it to her advantage, capturing Callie's gaze with her own. "I want you to listen to me very carefully, Callie. Okay?" When she receives a nod in response, Beca speaks slowly, carefully, in an attempt to ensure that nothing can be misunderstood by her emotional daughter. "You and Henry never did anything wrong with your fathe—with Theo. Anytime he was angry with you, anytime he yelled – that was all because of him. Not you two. Do you understand?"
Again, Callie nods – albeit a little slower this time – before Beca continues.
"Theo was not a good man. He had a lot of problems, a lot of anger and violence inside of him. I tried to… to protect you and Henry from it all. That's why I never wanted you to find out what was happening at home before we moved. But there was one night that, yes, I did fail, and yes, Theo did hurt you."
Confusion flashes across Callie's face, and Beca makes sure she has a firm grip around her waist.
"It was about a month before we moved to New York, and I think that your mind tried to protect you from what happened – that's why you don't remember it. But, even though I tried for your entire life, and Henry's entire life, to keep Theo from hurting you – I failed. And I wasn't going to let it happen again. That's why we left Los Angeles, Cal. I wasn't going to let him hurt you or your brother ever again."
Callie gulps, blinking hard as she takes in the information. Eventually, she lets out a small whisper. "He hit me?"
Despite it killing her, Beca nods a confirmation. "And I am so sorry about that, Callie. I never should have left you alone with him. But I swore, after that night, that it was never going to happen again."
"So we moved?"
"So, we moved."
Callie releases one of Beca's hands and uses her fist to rub her eye tiredly, just like she used to do when she was younger, while Beca waits with bated breath to hear what Callie has to say. For all she knows, Callie could become enraged because Beca left her in that situation. Or she could break down again. Or she could just… stop talking.
At this point, Callie is truly unpredictable, and that, of course, makes Beca nervous and sends her down a spiral of what ifs, the same what ifs that she has discussed with her own therapist countless of times.
But Beca is pulled free from her spiral when Callie sits up straighter, wraps her arms around Beca's neck, and holds her in the tightest hug she can muster.
She whispers into Beca's ear, so quietly that Beca almost misses it, but she hears her daughter's words loud and clear. "Thank you, Mama."
Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed :) I look forward to reading any thoughts you may want to share!
See you next week!