Regina's brief exchange with her father had only succeeded in making her head more of a confused mess. She had left his chambers after a while and gone to the throne room, again forgoing magical transportation and simply walking there.
She opened the heavy wooden doors and stared at the deserted throne room, it was mainly dark, only a few candles were lit, which did very little to illuminate the space , but Regina rather liked the ambiance it gave to this particular room. The place had once been filled with laughter which belonged to people she detested, especially the one who had sat higher, the one who had taken the little light that had been left within Regina after she had lost her true love.
She stared at the two vacant seats ahead, the King's stood a little higher than the Queen's, it was broader and much more imposing than the bland one that had belonged to Regina over the past ten years. A soft smile played on her red colored lips as she remembered the very last time she saw Leopold alive, he had been in agony and she had been at the top of the world. She took a few steps until she stood directly in front of the high seat belonging to the King and regarded it for a beat before using her magic to send it flying to its crashing demise against the grey, stone wall.
A satisfied smile played on Regina's lips as she studied the remains of what used to be one of Leopold's strongest symbols of power, now it was in pieces, dust, just like him.
Regina then turned her attention towards the bland throne she had been given. She accessed her anger and waved her hand making red colored magic, the enchantment covered the piece and in Regina's eyes, cleansed it. The spell was quite literally making her throne change skins, peeling out the old, plain wood and bringing to the surface something that had been in hiding for far too long.
Regina smirked at her handy work when the red, misty magic finally dissipated, the chair was no longer straight-ended and simple, but now the wood was several shades darker and carved with exquisite patterns, the cushions no longer blue but blood red. For, if it was up to Regina, nothing that carried the memory of her late husband would last in her castle.
She took a seat and it felt right, it felt hers, she was the Queen, she was in charge and she would rule as she damn well pleased, and even if those nagging thoughts still plagued her mind, they could not take away from this moment. Regina got comfortable on her seat and conjured a glass of wine, which was quickly drained and properly refilled thanks to a spell Maleficent had taught her. Regina drank and tried to clear her head of those controversial things she had been feeling earlier.
Just as she finished her second glass, she felt it, a pull at the heart. At first, it was faint but it became stronger and stronger as the seconds flew. It was a strange sense of connection and Regina was afraid to admit she knew just why – and because of whom – she had been feeling this sensation.
She commanded for the doors to open with her magic and there he was, the thief who plagued most of her thoughts and the two children she had mixed feelings towards. Regina quickly noted that things had not gone so smoothly when a fourth person came into the room, carrying a fifth party, who wore a dress that was in tatters and had yellow, messy hair; the witch no doubt.
"It took you long enough," she commented, trying to sound as disinterested as possible.
The girl was quick to forego any kind of ceremony and went straight to the point, giving away the satchel and demanding her help as she had promised. And even though just the feel of the dark magic the apple possessed fueled Regina with thoughts of how she was going to have Snow eat it - even if she had to shove it down her throat - Regina's curiosity got the best of her.
She used her magic to awaken the strange witch and make her stand, as Regina herself stood to take a better look at this despicable creature. She had not had a chance to look at the woman's face up until this point and the view was in one word grotesque. She had a young face, Regina was sure that once she had been rather beautiful, but not anymore, her skin was whiter than Snow's – which in itself was rather disturbing – and chalky, her eyes a pool of white, if the flesh contouring her eyes was not so red, one might not know what was skin and what was not.
She had angry scars under her eyes Regina knew the witch had caused herself, being cursed with anything – as she was cursed with blindness – was a rather painful process, Regina knew that first hand, her magical training had not been a picnic.
"Who taught you magic?" Regina asked brusquely.
"Mother-" she responded, and Regina's ears ached, she sounded like a damn siren, a sweet, melodic voice that lured people to their death.
"The Blue Witch?" Regina did not believe her.
"My mother whispers spells-" the blind witch replied and Regina knew that was not possible.
"You're lying," she spat back, "The Blue Witch died not long after she blinded and outcast you!"
It was well known that the Blue Witch had died if not a month after she had punished her daughter with blindness and isolation; it was not possible that she had been the one teaching magic to this crazed animal. But before Regina could say anything else the witch spoke again, this time in a dream-like voice.
"Mother said-" the Blind Witch shook her head to the side and completed, "-magic or baby," she tilted her head to the side and continued in a quiet tone, "I said baby." Her face lit up with joy, only to twist into a frown as she continued, "Mother gave me magic instead-" she placed her hands on her stomach, "I lost it, I lost my little one, my hands were buzzing with sparkles but I felt the warmth of my little one leave me forever-"
Regina could only stare at that unbelievable creature in surprise. Deadly silence filled the room, and although the feeling of compassion started growing in Regina's chest – after all she knew only too well what it was to be manipulated by her own mother – she knew there was something amiss in this whole story.
"Your mother died a long time ago Rapunzel-" Regina herself was surprised by the tone her voice took, softer, understanding.
"Mother-" she said quietly, "Mother was there-'' she nodded to herself, "I was alone in the swamp-'' she stopped mid sentence and shook her head then, "No! I had my little one inside, but saw only black until mother appeared-" she widened her disturbingly white eyes, "Then-" she outstretched her hand as if to touch an invisible something ahead of her, "- a light of blue danced in the air. As if she had wings, as if she flew before me-" her arm dropped and she finished, "Mother"
BLUE? A blue light ball flying around? This was all the evidence Regina needed, she had known the smell of that particular brand of magic before, after all she had once been friends with one of those shining moths-
Regina's train of thought was interrupted as the witch continued to speak.
"I wanted my little one back-" she whined, nearly crying, "Mother said-" she straightened up her posture as if imitating the motherly figure, "The only way to do that-" she had changed her voice almost completely for the imitation, "-is to put the baby back into your belly."
Regina felt sick, and they called her evil. That blue insect might not have any blood on her hands, but she most certainly had been the puppet master behind this whole story. The real question though was why, why had she doomed this already disturbed creature into doing something so vile, so unspeaking?
"The children you eat will little by little-" the witch continued and Regina wanted to hear no more of that gruesome story, "-little by little-" she repeated with a child-like tone, "-become your little one."
There were no words to express how disgusted and enraged this made Regina feel, she pursed her lips and gave the witch, "No-" her voice having gone down, "That was not your mother." She thought of that flimsy Blue Fairy, and how she had always put up a façade of the good doer, and finished "But I think I know who."
She turned her back on the witch and ordered for the guard who had brought her in to take her to a cell, for being hit with this new information had ignited a new brand of curiosity in Regina, and she wanted peace to think and not that siren-like voice to disturb her.
But peace was something Regina was apparently not getting, for all of sudden, the insane witch pounced on soldier Williams and started mumbling strange words of love and calling out for an 'Eugene.' Regina watched in utter confusion as the woman got to her knees and sniffed the now petrified man.
"What is the meaning of this?" she asked more to herself.
It was only when the thief uttered, "She thinks he's the father to her child, her lover-" that Regina realized he was standing right beside her.
"What?" Regina asked, trying to understand what he meant.
"She did the same to me," he gave her simply.
A strange surge of jealousy invaded Regina's chest at the thought that that thing had done anything remotely similar to what she was doing to Williams to her outlaw, "You let her sniff you?" the question was out of her lips before she could hold it back.
He regarded her for a beat, as if not believing what she had just asked, he shook his head and retold, "She grabbed me, and paralyzed me somehow back in that sticky house." Regina was trying very hard not to imagine the scene, she was failing miserably, "I was quickly able to break free but not before she also called me by that name." Regina nodded and he continued, "She's blind your majesty! Don't you see? Her smelling sense must have been heightened somehow, she can tell types of people apart only by smelling them." Even though it made sense, this theory was completely insane, "She attributes the male scent to her lost lover, children's scent to her lost baby."
Regina had to admit she was rather impressed, although she had always known he was as cunning as a fox. She swallowed and told him, "Rid Williams of her."
The thief did as he was told and yanked the witch away from Williams and dismissed him, but it took him a few seconds for the words to sink in and for movement to come to his limbs and leave.
The blind woman on the floor started crying out for the man to be returned to her and Regina found the sight pitiful, awful and degrading. As she started to struggle against Locksley, Regina placed another spell on her so she would be still once more.
This creature, as foul and as awful as her deeds had been, was merely a victim. She had been toyed with and manipulated, her crazy condition had been worsened by what that blue mosquito had made her do and Regina knew that there was no way anyone could repair the damage that had been done to her mind and body.
Regina thought about that morning and how the prospect of being reunited with Daniel had eased her pain, had brought her a strange sense of happiness, even if it had been for a brief moment. Rapunzel's mother was dead, so was her lover and her unborn child-
She met the thief's eyes and he gave her an understanding look, as if he had been thinking the very same thing as her, he nodded and Regina somehow knew he understood what he was to do even before she finally uttered, "End her misery."
He was swift and merciful, giving the witch's throat a single slash that would kill instantly. The witch made an awful noise as if she was drowning in her own blood but then was silent. Locksley let go of the woman's hair and she landed forehead first on the floor, staining the grey pavement with angry, crimson, dead.
Regina felt oddly relieved by her and the outlaw's attitude, what good it was to keep that pitiful creature a prisoner? Now she was reunited with her family.
Her moment of feeling merciful was interrupted by a high-pitched scream. She looked up from the gruesome sight to remember that the children had been there this entire time and that this had probably been the first time that they had witnessed murder.
Regina took a deep breath, and closed her eyes, remembering the plans she had been indulging herself in making for the children and turned to the thief. "Have someone take that away Locksley-" she placed her fingers on her temple, "-after that you are dismissed." She opened her eyes then and completed, "I need to attend to this unfinished business." Regina motioned towards the two children with her hands and brought on her magic to transport them elsewhere before she could hear any reply from the outlaw.
…
"Why do I get the feeling that one of you did not follow my instructions?" Regina asked the young pair, eying them suspiciously. The girl had lost that glint of audacity and the boy was paler than ever, seeing murder first hand would do that.
There was a moment of silence in which Regina's gaze reprimanded the pair. It was highly improbable that the outlaw had been the one to take a bite out of the chocolate door. Regina could smell death in that house and was certain that so could he, so even if he had been starving, he would not have indulged in anything that disgusting house could offer.
Regina was surprised to hear the young boy speak, even if it was in his quietest tone, " 'm sorry."
The girl's head quickly snapped towards her brother, she gave him a 'be quiet' look, and Regina felt her heart sink a little for those two lost souls, they were alone now in the world. Even though she had captured the father, it had been his decision to leave them in the first place. They deserved better than a man who would leave them alone in the woods, maybe Regina could-
Could she? Could she take them in?
"Regardless-" Regina continued, trying hard not to sound too imposing, it was difficult, old habits die hard, "- you did get what I wanted." She held up the small satchel and gave them a grin she hoped did not frighten them much.
"Was it hard to come by?" Regina asked in a slightly mocking voice and realized then she really did not know how to go about any of this, mother had set the worst example. She leaned forward a little to be at eye level with the children and released a laugh, which they did not take in very well. Both brother and sister took simultaneous steps to the side towards each other and looked downright terrified.
She straightened herself and took a deep breath, she really did not know what she was doing, or how to even deliver the offer – or even if she should do it at all – but an annoying voice at the back of her head told her to follow her gut, to take a chance.
Take them in Regina, the young woman with braided hair urged her.
Don't be ridiculous Regina, you're a child yourself, you cannot possibly be considering that you are capable of taking care of two! The heartless Queen, mother, mocked her.
"I would like to invite the two of you-" she said suddenly louder than necessary, loud enough to muffle her mother's voice inside her head, "-to come and live here with me."
If their eyes had been wide upon seeing the thief kill the witch, they were now almost popping out of their skulls as the invitation sank in. Dead silence filled the room for a few moments and Regina only realized she had a rather large smile on her lips when her cheeks began to ache from the strain of holding it in place.
The young boy took a timid step forward, which surprised and pleased Regina, his eyes were big with fear but also wonderment, "We get to live in a castle?" he asked, clearly not actually believing what he had just heard.
"Yes," Regina responded, not freeing her expression from the smile that seemed to take home there, "And the two of you will have-" she took a step forward toward the boy, "-everything your hearts desire."
"Everything?" This time it was Gretel's slightly raspy voice who asked, she looked from Regina to her brother, also rather baffled at the idea.
"Of course," Regina addressed the girl, feeling her heart swell a little, maybe this was what she needed, maybe this was the path that she should take, "You will have your own personal carriages and servants, and of course your own rooms."
Their eyes filled up with glee for that moment and Regina felt right, maybe this was indeed-
"Does Robin live here too?" the boy Hansel asked bluntly.
This time it was Regina's turn to look utterly surprised, it took her a few seconds to respond to the strange question with a "Yes." rather uncertain as to why the boy had asked that question.
Hansel seemed somehow pleased with the answer and turned to his sister who looked a little bit more skeptical about the proposal, still eying Regina with suspicion.
"You will obviously have to change from those tattering clothes-" Regina went on conversationally, feeling like her proposal had been accepted. She turned her back on the children and took a few steps towards the window, she continued, "-you will be much better off here with me than with a father who would give you scraps of cloth to put on your back." She then turned back to face the children and finished, "Besides, he does not truly care about you two, if he did, he would not have left you in the woods."
Her words had alarmingly instantaneous effects upon the children's expressions, the boy's face sank and he looked like a sad, lost puppy, as for the girl, she frowned in anger but again, it was the boy's teary voice which rang, "But he's all we have,"
"He doesn't have to be." Regina gave him in a softer tone approaching the two children once more, the boy looked up, fat tears pooling in his eyes, just a blink away from being shed, Regina took another step towards him, wanting to-
"NO!" His sister's voice came loud and strong and the girl came in between Regina and her brother in a matter of seconds, her face scrunched with anger, "We are going to find our father, with or without your help." She held her ground.
Regina felt a bitter taste in her mouth, "You would go on a wild goose chase with nothing to guide you but a broken compass?"
"Yes," the girl faced Regina with fierce determination, "Besides, we saw what you made that man do to the witch." The girl squinted and continued, "You knew that she was crazy, you knew that she was powerless without the Sun, you could have helped her with your magic!" She threw at Regina's face, who felt her chest tighten with each passing word, "And yet you had her killed, you have no right to take someone's life like that."
Regina felt a million words get caught on her throat as the girl's words hit her, she was surprised to be confronted in such a fashion, especially after making such an offer, but she did not want to admit Gretel's words stung.
"We would never want to live with somebody as terrible as you!" Gretel finished off and Hansel stood behind her nodding in agreement.
For the second time that day, Regina felt something that had grown warm inside her chest freeze over as she stared at that penniless, homeless pair that had stated they would rather be alone and lost than to be with her.
Ungrateful brats!
She had offered them everything and yet, they chose uncertainty for the sake of some blind faith in their father.
Regina's heart was beating fast against her ribcage, at this point she really wished she did not have her heart inside her chest, for the pain of those children's rejection was almost too intense for her to bear. Although Regina's heart was breaking and something inside her was growing cold, her expression never betrayed her as she kept her fierce stare on the short girl in front of her.
"Is that so?" Regina whispered, her tone was probably the most terrifying of all of the ones she had used to address brother and sister.
The girl had some nerve – which was probably one of the reasons why Regina wanted to shelter her – and replied, "We will find him, family always finds one another." She squinted and continued, "And nothing, not even you, will keep us apart."
That was it.
"We will see about that." Regina gave her in between clenched teeth and started using her hurt mixed with anger to create a storm of purple smoke around the two children standing before her.
"Gretel! What is happening?" The boy screeched in fear and brother and sister hugged each other as the purple magic engulfed their whole bodies.
When the smoke dissipated, the pair was gone. Regina had sent them to a forest in the far South of the Enchanted Forest, a good two weeks' journey by gallop from her own kingdom.
Regina felt her insides crumble with sadness, as the children's hate filled glares still haunted her even in their absence, but she kept herself together as she exited the room even though she felt like setting the whole place aflame with her anger, and sent orders to the dungeons for her guards to release the prisoner they had captured that day.
If Hansel and Gretel's father ever found them – Regina would be very surprised if he did – it would only bring those poor lost souls more misery, for she had cast a glamour spell upon the children's features while the purple smoke engulfed them, which prevented their father from ever seeing their faces as they truly were.
…
Regina managed to school her features and not set anything, or anyone, ablaze as she made her way through the darkened corridors of her castle. Her destination was clear.
The room she was headed to was located at the very top of the highest tower in the castle. Regina was sure the room had been placed so high to make sure the person residing inside those luxurious bedchambers had as little human contact as possible. The tower was so high it would intimidate anyone to even think about taking a leap; the height had not impressed Regina when she had jumped all those years ago.
You fell, she reminded herself.
Did you? The young woman in a pearly white dress defied her.
She hardly registered opening the door and walking in. The corridors in these parts of the castle were not patrolled, servants hardly ever ventured to these parts. The room was dark. Gloomy shadows were created by the only source of illumination, the full moon shining through the transparent drapes of the balcony.
Regina finally felt alone and safe, away from the prying eyes of her servants and guards, away from the look of pity her father always gave her, and away from those intense pools of blue that seemed to play with her affections and turn her world upside down.
The ease and quietness helped ease her soul only for the first couple of minutes. The silence made it easier for the voices inside to get to her, play with her emotions throwing all the happenings of this past day at her face.
The children's heartless rejection and the unreasonable rage swimming about the outlaw's eyes when he strangled her. Her father's comforting and yet useless presence. The nothingness of the pool of white that were the blind eyes of the witch she had killed, her utter desperation, her blind faith in the crazy tale she had been tricked into.
That pile of bones, she could almost see it again before her eyes. She heard soft children-like laughter coming from it, followed by high-pitched screams of pain-
She screamed.
Regina let out all her frustration, her anger, her sadness out in one pained screech that filled the room and reverberated for a few seconds before dying out completely. Letting it out snapped something in her and suddenly Regina felt stuffed, she felt trapped and constrained. She wrapped her fingers around that enormous necklace she had been wearing – scratching her nails about her neck in the process – and yanked it off in one, strong pull.
She took a deep breath, sucking in the air as if it was some manner of drug, but still, felt trapped in her own skin. The coat was the second thing to go, and later, when the servants came to pick up the remainder of her clothing, they would find burn marks on the heavy leather, and most of the buttons that had secured it scattered around the room.
With a single move of her hand, her boots were gone. Because her feet had been inside those high and uncomfortable trappings all day, Regina felt stinging pain when her bare soles touched the cold, stone floor. She felt the ache coming up from the soles for her feet and racing up her legs. It snaked its way up to her knees, passing by the sides of her thighs. By the time the strange ache reached her stomach, Regina realized that it was not only physical pain – which had actually remained located on her feet and legs – but something inside of her that wounded, that hurt, as if it had been broken.
Regina remembered the look of disgust on the children's faces, the fear so obvious in the little boy's eyes, the determination to defy her in the young girl's, and could not help but wonder what did they see?
A Queen? A witch? A threat? A means to an end? A monster? A soulless woman who took lives just because she could?
She knew she was no innocent flower, had never been one, ever. Regina was aware that she had changed almost to the point of no recognition ever since that fateful day when Daniel had been killed before her eyes. She knew the price she had to pay for being the person that she was today, for acquiring so much power, for collecting so many hearts, for blackening her own to the point of no return. Did that make her a monster?
They didn't know.
Those children did not know, no one knew, not even Maleficent, who had been the one with whom she had opened up to the most, not even she knew what torment it was to be inside Regina's head, what had brought her to twist her beliefs and principles to the point that they were unrecognizable. With her mother's voice constantly haunting her with criticism and disappointment, with the jumpy disposition she had developed thanks to her mother's disciplining and Leopold's abusive demands.
They never knew what it was like to have insecurity coursing through their veins every second of the day, as Regina did as a young girl. Living in fear that she would not live up to her mother's expectations, that she was not going to be good enough for her prospects as Queen. Now, she had transformed herself into a person who would never be good for anybody, someone who only left destruction and despair at her wake.
Love is weakness, if they fear you, they'll never defy you, her mother's voice rang yet again.
Regina walked up to a full-length mirror, which had held her image for years wearing the most varied kinds of constraining and uncomfortable dresses, and looked at herself.
The first thing she saw was the red, Regina then realized the glamour spell she had placed on her neck had worn off. She had wanted to conceal the marks the thief's deadly grip had left behind. But now they were accompanied by the marks her nails had created when she yanked off her necklace. Regina traced the marks lightly with her fingers.
She only wore a tight black corset and black leather pants now. Her body was no longer full and healthy, as it had been as a young woman, but slim and elegant. Her cheeks just as white as the rest of her complexion, no longer rosy and alive. She was beautiful to the eye, she could see that and yet, she felt hollow and shallow, for on the inside she felt empty and alone. No one ever stayed out of their own free will. Obligation, duty and honor had kept people around her, but no one would stay for the sake of her.
We would never want to live with someone as terrible as you!
The words were still fresh and Regina felt tears trail down her cheeks, and for the first time that day, she did not hold them back but let them roll freely. Before long, the salty things were accompanied by pained sobs.
Regina looked at her reflection through blurry vision and she hated herself. She hated that she had done this to herself, hated Snow for having put her on this path of darkness, and most of all, hated the fates for having drawn her destiny in such a cruel manner.
Alone, a monster.
Her eyes stung from the angry tears, her heart ached with loneliness and despair as she stared at the twisted and vile woman looking back at her in the reflection of the mirror. Suddenly, even through the haze of tears, Regina could see a malicious smirk tug on her reflection's lips, even though she was absolutely sure her own expression had not changed. The smirk changed into a grin and Regina hated that woman with every fiber-
Her fist made contact with the reflective surface before she could think of what she was doing, rage taking over her common sense and guiding her actions. But she was not able to register the pain of having just smashed her fist to the glass for she heard a noise coming from just outside the door and quickly hid in the shadows, hoping the person would go away, she felt too drained for confrontation, too tired for killing.
He walked in.
Him
Regina had to use every ounce of self-control she still had left in order not to make any noises as she watched him from the shadows. He looked strangely worried, but curious as always, meddling with things that were none of his business. He examined the darkened room and took a couple of strides until he came to face the mirror she had just punched, running his fingers over the cracks.
He looked down to inspect the floor and Regina took a step out of the darkness, fully intending on telling him to disappear from her sight before she disintegrated him herself.
He was startled enough to release a "Fucking hell!" when he saw her reflection in the mirror but quickly turned to face her, alarmed but also completely unprepared for battle, as he only wore his sleeping clothes and had no weapons on him.
"What the hell do you think you are doing here?" she asked and noted her voice was a little watery and rather raspy. Gods, she hoped he did not notice she had been crying. That would be far too humiliating.
Her words were met with silence and somehow it wounded her more than anything he could have possibly said. It made Regina angry. The quiet felt like the ultimate way for him to defy her.
"Well?" her broken voice sounded again.
"I heard a crash that's all," he spoke in an almost casual manner. Had he truly not noticed her state?
He does not care Regina, don't be silly, why would he care? Her mother's voice was there again.
Regina wanted to shake off her mother's voice from inside her head, all she wanted was to be at peace for a little while. But with that man there, peace did not seem possible; he made her heart skip a beat with agony and fear, and she did not want him to see her like this.
She huffed, turned her back on him, and walked into the balcony, hoping he would go away but wishing he remained. She let the moonlight bathe her figure and the rush of the night air made gooseflesh rise on her arms and back. She closed her eyes, tilting her head back, and placing her hands on the railing. Just as she had all those years ago when-
She felt his presence behind her. She knew that he was there, even though his steps had been soundless. Regina felt a familiar energy emanating from behind and knew that it was his. It somehow eased a little of her pain, made her feel slightly more comfortable, and before she knew it, the words were tumbling from her lips.
"I don't understand," her voice was soft now, but still broken.
"What don't you understand?" he asked without hesitation.
Although Regina found it odd that he would be interested, she gave him, "The children," she whispered as she faced ahead looking at the vast forest she called her own.
"Hansel and his sister?" she heard him ask, "What about them? Didn't they get the satchel you wanted?"
Regina felt a strange chill run up her spine, she could somehow feel him take another soundless step towards her.
Yes, they had gotten what she wanted. The apple was now hers and the previous owner in no state of ever claiming it back.
"Yes-" Regina realized only then that her plan to destroying Snow's happiness was moving forward, the realization brought a small smile to her lips, "-yes, they did-"
Regina let the venomous glee of revenge take over and make her heart beat faster, as if it was pumping poison, a delicious type of poison. She took a victorious breath and imagined Snow eating the apple and falling into an endless tormented sleep, neither dead nor alive, a fate worse than death.
The feeling did not last, it sank again as she thought about the defying young eyes of the ones who had retrieved the apple for her and felt loneliness punch her in the stomach. The pain ran through her chest like a knife, and Regina truly did not know what possessed her to confess.
"I-" she turned away from him to face the moonlight once more, "I asked them-"she felt like she could, like she should tell him, "-I told them they could live here in the castle, never want for anything ever again."
Her revelation was met by a simple "Oh?" on his part.
Silence reigned for a moment and Regina took a deep breath, she felt slightly nervous but oh so tired of putting up the act of the Evil Queen, so tired of snapping and getting defensive to the point no one would want to stand beside her. She turned around to face him and could see every expressive line on his face as the moonlight shone on his features, he looked concerned and confused.
Regina was grateful shadows concealed her face as she gave him, "They did not want to stay." She tried to sound as detached from the information as possible, maybe it would make the facts hurt less.
"But why does that even bother you?" he asked.
Regina looked at him for a moment and did not know what to say, did not know if she should tell him, if telling him was going a step too far, if disclosing that information would allow him to see some humanity in her.
She looked down and started, her voice was coming out small, "She said that they would never want to-" but something tugged at her chest as she was about to utter the words the girl had said, she could not do it, they hurt too much. Because they were true. Instead, Regina brought her eyes to meet the thief's and asked him in genuine puzzlement, "Why wouldn't they want to stay here?"
Suddenly she was running her mouth with all the questions that had been plaguing her heart, "They were poor and their father had abandoned them, they had nothing and I offered everything. And yet-" she swallowed and finished, "And yet they chose to hold on to a broken promise when I could have given them everything their hearts desired."
The silence that followed her words was heavy and she could see the thief trying to make sense of everything that she had just disclosed. Regina felt nervous at the odd silence but somehow a little lighter at having verbalized some of what was weighing her down.
"Did you?" he suddenly asked.
"Did I what?" Regina was confused by this and narrowed her eyes in suspicion.
"Did you want to live here?" he explained, his manner seemed different, his voice softer, it lacked the bite she had gotten used to. Regina frowned at that and he continued, "Did you want to be Queen? Had that always been your ambition?"
Oh.
That caught her by surprise. Regina was a little speechless for a few seconds, for she then realized no one had ever asked her that question. The question if she indeed wanted to be Queen. Everything had been imposed on her, the marriage proposal, the magic – a chance to bring Daniel back, or so she thought at the time – the marriage, the stepdaughter, the duties. All of those things had been thrown at her, forced on her; no one had ever cared to ask for her consent-
"No," she finally replied to his question in a mere whisper.
The balcony did not feel as freeing as it did before. It actually felt like a taste of sweet liberty she never got to have. She pushed her weight from the railing and walked into the room once more, passing by the thief, and making sure she did not give him a single glance.
Regina crossed her arms and continued, facing away from him, "-it was never my ambition to be anything other than myself," the words tasted better as they spilled from her mouth. The hard truth of what she had truly desired all those years ago made her chest sting. She twisted her head a little and looked at him over her shoulder, "-let alone Queen." She uttered her own title with so much disdain she even surprised herself.
"Why did you then?" he asked.
"I did not have a say in the matter of my marriage," Regina found herself saying the exact same words her father had used to describe his own marriage earlier that day. She took a few steps forward towards a four-poster bed that had once been hers. She looked at it and thought back at all the sleepless nights she had spent crying there, alone, missing Daniel, and fearing the arrival of her new husband.
She had suffered so much inside the confines of this room. When Leopold had died, the first thing she did was magic all of her belongings to another room. One situated on the other side of the castle, a room nearest to the ground floor and to her treasured apple tree, a room she chose.
"I'm sorry," he told her, and she could pick up truth and sincerity in his tone.
"I don't need your pity-" she snapped back at him, she did not need him to be sorry for her as if she were a stray puppy. She turned to face him, some bubbling anger reaching the surface; she was not a being to be pitied; she was a force to be feared.
"You do not have my pity, your majesty," he stated rather coldly, "No one does, I have not felt anything ever since you took my heart away,"
Regina felt her entire body go ice cold at that statement. She had to hit herself inwardly every time she completely forgot she had taken his heart from his chest. He had always acted in such a passionate and hot-blooded way that it did not seem as if the organ was no longer attached to his body.
But he has just told you he could not feel, don't be silly, believe your ears instead of your heart dearie, the impish voice told her.
That could not be true. She refused to believe him. Even though she knew quite well that people who did not have their hearts beating inside their chests felt next to nothing, this could not be the case for him.
If he had been truly as unfeeling as he said he was, he would not have shot Jamie in that ridiculous display of jealousy. He would not have tried to kill her because of a mere set of words. He would not have kissed her so fiercely, as if her lips were the very air that he breathed-
"Maybe the children did not want to stay for the same reason you didn't want to linger when you first came here." He continued, bringing Regina back from her reflections.
She huffed and managed to keep her expressions neutral while she sat on the edge of the bed.
This was all so wrong and confusing. What on earth were they doing? Was he truly trying to comfort her somehow? He was not very good at it. But the fact that he was trying brought a little of an earnest feeling to her chest, a warmth she knew she should dread because it made her weak. Gratitude.
Regina could not help but feel the sensation take over her chest and warm up the icy surface. She looked up and saw him there, standing a few feet away, looking at her as if she was some unearthly being he was setting his eyes upon for the very first time.
"You stayed," she stated simply, looking through him.
"You took my heart," his words were simple and yet they only confirmed what she had dreaded. He also had not lingered for her. He had stayed for his life, his heart was in her possession, he wanted to be near it, not her. No one would stay for the sake of her, not even him.
"You offered it to me," her voice came out so tiny she did not know if she had indeed uttered the words. They were words that held onto the last little thread of hope that maybe someone could, maybe someone would linger because they wanted to.
"Indeed I did," he agreed with her and released a deep sigh.
"Why?" she then finally met his eye, "Why did you stay?" She had to know why. All this was far too overwhelming, her feelings for that man far too great, that pull too intense for her own good. She had to know if he felt it too, "It's not as if I forced you to stay-" She stopped mid-sentence trying to remember the day when she had taken his heart, when he had almost begged her to rip it off his chest. She tilted her head to the side a little and asked in genuine confusion, "Did I?"
"No you didn't-" he responded quickly, "-I remember quite clearly that I was the one who asked you to take my heart away."
Those words were somewhat relieving to hear, they created a clear blue light of hope inside Regina's chest. She knew it was silly to hope, but she could not help it in her current state. The light was still timid, so unsure, but it was there, amidst all that darkness, all those dark, earth tones, the blue light stood out as she tried to examine his expression, but the room was far too dark.
"Why did you not want it?" she found herself asking simply.
"Because it burdened me with guilt," he replied without hesitation.
"Because of your wife?" She asked in reflex.
"Because of my wife and my child," he said in a final tone.
That last statement hit Regina like one of his speedy arrows.
A child. He had had a child?
Given all recent events, Regina was not at all surprised to feel a tear trail down her cheek as she tried to push the heartache away, as she desperately tried not to think of any children anymore. Children were innocent, but children knew how to be cruel, and they made use of that particular type of cruelty in the most hurtful manner possible. Regina knew that now.
She took a deep breath and released a very soft "Ah" in acknowledgement.
The silence that followed was almost deafening. Regina felt remarkably overwhelmed with everything that had transpired in the last few minutes and throughout that entire crazy day.
Her eyes stung from all the tears pooling there, she did not want him to see her cry, did not want to show him that something could pierce through her rock solid protective ice wall. But given the current situation, he would have to be a complete idiot if he did not know that she had been crying, that she actually had a heart and feelings. The notion frightened her to no end, but Regina could not fight it anymore and closed her eyes, allowing the fat tears to roll down her cheeks, the act in itself relieving.
However, now that he was there, everything seemed slightly dulled, as if a part of her pain had been sedated. She felt a little bit more at ease in his presence. That notion alone was somewhat curious since at most moments they had shared together, she had either been far too aroused to register anything but pleasure, or far too irritated to think straight.
"Do you want me to leave?" his words were just above a whisper and yet they startled Regina with their meaning, The very last thing she wanted was for him to leave.
"No" her answer came fast, but her eyes were still closed, "Don't leave." She did not know if she had said or thought it.
She did not dare to open her eyes until she had summoned enough courage to admit, "I do not want to be alone tonight." She looked at him then, right at him, and she felt scared out of her wits. Her chest tightened as she waited for his response.
They remained motionless for a few seconds – which felt like hours for Regina. His eyes locked in hers, he seemed confused and yet resolute at the same time, uncertain and yet something new radiated from his blue eyes. Compassion. Regina had to wonder when it had been the last time anyone had directed such a feeling at her.
His answer came in actions instead of words. He suddenly started to move, and, before Regina knew it, he got down to one knee in front of her. She was rather stunned and a little touched, he had to be one of the first people to do something like that out of compassion for her and not duty to her title. She could not help but feel scared at the same time, vulnerable at his proximity – which seemed ridiculous since he had been inside her oh so many times. All the same, she was curious to see what he would do next.
When his hand came to rest atop of hers Regina realised that she was gripping her hands with one another with quite a lot of force and that she had hurt herself punching the mirror.
Then the impossible words slipped through his lips, "You won't be then."
His words distressed and comforted her at the same time. But his touch, the usual electricity now mixed with compassion, soothed her heartache little by little. They remained as they were for a little while; both of them had their gazes fixated on their joined hands. Regina felt herself more and more at ease with each passing moment of their small but somewhat meaningful contact. After a little while, she felt his thumb start to stroke the back of one of her hands. Regina felt like the weight of guilt and hate over her shoulders was starting to lose might, to lose its power.
When her hands had completely relaxed under his tender touch, his voice broke the silence in a whispered, "Come," and he tugged at her right hand ever so gently.
Regina looked up, uncertain of what it was that was happening, she could not help but feel untrusting, she had been alone watching her own back for the longest time. And yet, a soft voice whispered in the back of her ear that she should follow her heart and not her brain, to give this, whatever it was, a chance.
He tugged her hand again, gesturing for her to join him on the floor, and this time, Regina moved and lowered herself to both her knees, which thankfully touched fur instead of stone, in front of him. Her heart hammering fast against her chest, she could hear the fierce beating in her ears. His hand was still holding hers even when she got settled on the floor and Regina found that comforting, even though she could still hear her mother screeching in the back of her head that she was being weak.
They faced each other, and, because he was still on one knee, Regina had placed herself painfully close to him, but still not touching. His hand released her own and she felt cold for a second before the thumb belonging to said hand cleaned away one of the many tears that had wet her cheek. The touch was so small, but it held so much that Regina could not help but close her eyes and sigh in relief.
"Tell me your name."
If Regina thought he could not surprise her anymore, she had been oh so wrong.
He did not know her name? Surely someone, anyone must have mentioned it to him. He must have heard someone address her by her given name. How could he not know? She was certain that, if he had heard it at least once, he would not have asked her at all, especially not in this delicate moment, she trusted he had some sense left in him.
She knew for a fact that she had not given him her name. Ever since she had indeed become 'Your majesty', the only majesty in that castle, no one would dare to use the term Queen Regina anymore. Because Queen Regina had been a farce, a meek and obedient mask she had worn for ten torturous years and that mask had shattered into a million pieces the moment Leopold took his last breath. She no longer belonged to anybody but herself, and her name was not something she would give just to anyone.
But him, the man kneeling in front of her with hypnotizing blue eyes, it was foolish of her to pretend he was like the others. He was no mere knight, no mere servant; she had never seen him that way. From the moment she had first seen him, she had felt there was something different about him, the strong tug at her heart when their eyes had met for the first time was a testament to that.
Him, Robin his name, and yet she had not addressed him by it, not even once. She knew it was an attempt to distance herself from him, to call him thief and outlaw was much easier, kept Robin at arm's length from Regina, only allowing the thief to approach your majesty. They were the outlaw and the Queen and not Robin and Regina. And yet, now that he had asked, she could not help but give it to him.
"Regina. My name is Regina"
An adolescent fear suddenly took over her, for he just stared back at her, looking completely baffled, regarding her as if he was seeing something new for the very first time.
Maybe he was.
"Regina," he finally gave her and her name sounded like a prayer coming out of his lips.
She was suddenly so scared to have given to him something so intimate of hers – which sounded ridiculous since she had his head in between her legs only a few hours after she had met him – somehow she felt as if he had some odd type of advantage on her now.
There was a moment of silence in which he traced her jaw with his thumb and Regina felt so raw, she felt safe and yet so vulnerable, she wanted to fight this, but she did not have the strength.
"Why did that upset you so?" he asked, his voice quiet, not a hint of malice or mockery there.
"No one stays, everybody leaves" she confessed yet another burning secret of hers. Regina must truly be losing her mind. She suddenly found she could not face him, and turned her gaze down to the white fur beneath their knees.
"I stayed" he gave her and she could feel his warm breath on the top of her head, he was so close. It was as if this was the closest he had ever gotten to her, the real her.
"I made you." she stated, snapping her eyes back to his. She knew he had stayed on account of his heart. He did not understand, he-
"You did-" he started, managing to muffle down a little of her incessant thinking, "-but not the way you think you did." His tone was so sincere, his words a mystery to her still.
She realized their noses were almost bumping given their proximity, her heart felt as if it was going to come out of her mouth as his words sank in. She did not understand them. She could most certainly interpret them as proof that he had stayed for her. And yet, they were still too enigmatic for her to be sure, she did not want to hang on a thread of hope that might as well snap at any given moment. She could not afford to be that weak.
Regina diverted her eyes to his lips and remembered how absolutely divine they felt pressed against her own, and the decision was made in less than a second. She closed the distance between them in a kiss she could feel had taken him by surprise.
They were better like this, she felt safer and more in control if they did not speak at all and let their bodies, lips and limbs do the talking.
Regina was washed with a little bit of uncertainty as he did not respond at first. She had to bite his lower lip for him to finally react and start kissing her back, but still he seemed a bit off and Regina felt like crying. She needed something to comfort her, anything, and she gathered that the best thing – and the safest thing – he could give her right now were his fervent kisses and every single type of physical contact that derived from their passionate disposition.
She placed one hand to the back of his head and tangled her fingers through his hair only to pull it and break the kiss in order to look at him. He exhaled sharply and stared back at her looking rather confused, his mouth hanging slightly ajar as he blinked a few times. He took in a breath in order to speak but Regina beat him to it, she herself was startled by the word that left her lips.
"Robin," she whispered, and it frightened her that it rolled from her lips so naturally, after all, she had never addressed him by his given name, not like this, like she meant it. She suddenly realized she was fisting his shirt in her grip with some force.
He brought one hand to the nape of her neck and pressed his forehead to hers and whispered back, "Yes, Regina?"
Was she really going to feel butterflies in the pit of her stomach every time he uttered her name? No, this whole thing was because of her current state. She was fragile and tired, surely this would not stir her so much in her normal disposition.
And yet, there she was, sighing in relief, feeling the energy buzz in between their joined foreheads and muttering back to him, "Robin, make me forget."
"Are you certain?" he asked, concerned.
She brought her other hand to his chin and traced it until she reached his lips, "Yes." she breathed, feeling the wet flesh of his lower lip on the very tip of her thumb. She pulled their foreheads apart to look him in the eye, "I don't want to think anymore-" the hand on the back of his head came down to rest on the side of his neck. "-all I want is to feel." Regina did not know what possessed her to make such a plea, but this was real, this was true and she was going to take it. She could not remember the last time she had been so sincere, "I want to feel this-" she inched herself closer to him enough to press their bodies to one another and breathed out "-with you."
He sighed deeply, brought both his hands to each side of her face, and kissed her. This time, he kissed her like he meant it, there was no hesitation, no fear, no doubt, only lips against lips, tongues brushing against each other. The kiss took her breath away, it was intense but not hungry and desperate. On the contrary, it was slow but filled with passion, hot and yet somehow she could feel tenderness beneath the surface.
Regina only registered that he had brought his other knee to the floor when he pulled her flush against him. She could feel his firm muscles against her through the fabrics of their clothing, as well as the growing stiffness inside his pants. He dragged his mouth across her jawline and started trailing suckling kisses down her throat. Regina could not hold back a throaty moan when he sucked at her pulse point, as his hands found her backside and kneaded it with gusto. Her own hands travelled about his back and untucked his sleeping shirt from his trousers.
She snaked her hands up his bare stomach while his mouth had reached the swell of her breasts, his suckling kisses lingering and incredible. His mouth left a trail of saliva that vibrated thanks to their odd connection, and Regina found herself humming at the sheer pleasure of his unhurried affection.
She could feel him taunt and muscular beneath her fingers and pressed herself against his now stiff groin, which stole a loud groan from him, his grip on her behind intensified, and Regina found herself stifling a grin at the way she was able to tease him. Regina burned for him, she longed to have every last inch of her skin touching his, she wanted that blissful burning to set fire to all her heartaches and insecurities. She started pulling his shirt up until he had to bring his lips from where they had been feasting, the very middle of her cleavage, so she could finally take it off.
The garment was discarded with haste, thrown blindly only to be looked for the next morning. Instead of going back to leaving red markings on her breasts, he spoke, his voice raspy and low, "Lay down" his tone was simple and not at all demanding, it was more like a simple request, which Regina found odd because there was absolutely nothing simple about them, about all this.
Regina's eyebrows knit together at his request, ever suspicious, but complied by laying down on the silky white fur carpet. Regardless of the comfort, and how her body thanked her for laying down, she was not able to relax completely. She did not dare to close her eyes, but watched him like a hawk. He probingly gazed at her at first, not making any kind of physical contact, even though his eyes could have very well burned holes into her skin with the intensity of his gaze. She realized he was not simply looking at her but admiring her, drinking her image in, and she felt an impossible blush rise to her cheeks. It made her uneasy to the point she started to rethink this whole thing for what seemed to be the thousandth time.
He brought his right hand to her face and traced her forehead ever so lightly with the tips of his fingers. His touch was so unusually gentle that Regina could not help but close her eyes. His fingers traveled down her cheek and moved to her neck, the contact giving her gooseflesh all over her body. They passed by her collarbone and travelled around the swells of her breasts where his mouth had marked her red with passion.
His whispering, "You are beautiful" made her eyes open again.
A lone tear escaped her right eye without her consent when she told him, "No, I'm not" she gave him a humorless laugh, "I'm a mess" she finished brokenly.
He frowned at her, "You're real, you've never looked more beautiful"
Regina took in a breath through her mouth fully intending on disagreeing with him, but that was all she managed to do for suddenly he was kissing her once more. She could not find the strength in herself to argue. She placed one hand to his cheek and let his lips take hers, feeling oddly happy that he saw some matter of beauty in her that she was blind to.
He had somehow placed himself in between her spread legs but braced all his own weight so the only thing Regina felt was pure, solid pleasure.
It did not take long for his hands to start to undo the hooks of her corset. She felt the chill hit her breasts at first – making the tips harden fully – but the cold lasted but a few seconds before his hands were palming every last bit of flesh they could find. His lips left hers in order to tug at one of her nipples and Regina found her own lips parting with a shaky exhale. He continued to tease, suck and kiss one of her nipples, never forgetting to pinch and massage the other one and Regina could not help but groan at the sensation.
He started to kiss the sides of her ribs and make his way down, treating every last inch of skin with ardor and devotion. Regina arched her back when he licked her just below her belly button, longing for more. His hand had started rubbing her through her trousers, just like he had done earlier that day, and Regina felt light headed with desire. She ached for him, she was soaking wet with arousal, her heart beat frantically with anticipation, and he had not even taken off her trousers yet.
He did so, removing the garment slowly, not yanking it off like he normally would. She was suddenly bare before him and again his eyes scanned her with hunger but also some manner of reverence.
His mouth continued its delicious journey down and this time he did not tease her, did not provoke her desires by only circling the area she desperately needed licked, but instead went straight for her knot and sucked hard. That alone made a strangled moan tumble from Regina's lips as the pleasure intensified, and made her head light, everything around her seemed hazy and wonderful.
His hands ran up and down her thighs in tantalizing movements, his tongue still at work on her most sensitive patch of flesh.
She didn't even have time to prepare for it, her peek came hard and fast when he started flicking his tongue rapidly against her clit, and Regina went to the moon and back in a few seconds. He was still giving her suckling kisses around her opening when her high had finally passed and allowed her to register her surroundings again. Her worries were blissfully diluted and heartache almost non-traceable.
"I-" her voice was breathy. He lifted his head from between her thighs to regard her, he had the memory of that irritating smirk on his lips, but right now, Regina rather enjoyed it.
"What?" he asked, lifting his weight on his elbows.
She was miraculously able to hoist her own weight on her elbows as he straightened himself up as well, a small frown playing on his forehead. She lifted one eyebrow and gave him a smile before telling him, her voice low and slurry.
"Fuck me"
His pupils dilated, eyes filled with anticipation, and he wet his lips with the tip of his tongue in eagerness but did not move otherwise, "Fuck you, what?" he teased and Regina rolled her eyes.
"I'm not going to say please," she told him seriously.
"Not that, I know yanking that out of you will take more than-" he gesticulated with his hands hopelessly and Regina could not help but release a small laugh.
"What then?" She was truly curious.
"Say it again," when she still looked confused he completed, "My name."
At that, Regina smiled a true smile. She could hardly believe she had opened herself up this much to this man in only one night. Or had she slowly been opening up to him without even realizing it? She could not tell, she had always been so careful to keep her façade up, but when she was with him, she could not help but be all of herself, a hundred percent Regina. Most of the time he would get lashings from the bad and angry side of her, others rather enjoyable lashes from her sexual side, but this side, it had been a long, long time since she had exposed it to anyone.
"Fuck me Robin," she made it roll from her tongue sensually and arched a brow and finished, "Now!"
He opened up a smile upon hearing his name, a true sincere smile that did things to her heart and made him look even more handsome. There was a beat and their hands had joined in efforts of relieving him of his pants. Soon it was also tossed to the side only to be found the next morning.
At one moment she was throwing his pants as far as possible from his erection and the next she was laying back on the floor, the owner of said pants kissing her fiercely and pressing his own bare sex to hers. Regina returned the kiss with hunger and met the movements he made with his pelvis. She sighed against his lips, breaking the kiss as he guided himself into her, and Regina felt whole.
She bit her lower lip as the sensation of being so deliciously filled by him took over. It had been such a long time, she would never admit it, but she had most ardently missed this, missed him, missed this strange electrifying magic their bodies were able to create.
He started moving, bracing his weight on both his arms, which rested on the sides of her head, and Regina had to ask herself why the fuck had she avoided this for such a long time. Her hands went to the back of his head and brought him down to her in a kiss, for some odd reason she could not get enough of kissing him, could not get enough of that tantalizing sensation of having his cock sliding in and out of her. He stirred something deep inside her, it was more than merely good sex, she knew that. Gods, she was doomed.
He brought one of her legs up and placed it on his shoulder. That way he was able to go in a little deeper and hit a new spot inside Regina that made her cry out for him to slow down so she could get adjusted. As soon as she protested, he stopped and looked at her with concern. She was the one to restart the movements, taking it slowly and welcoming the new pleasurable sensation to her core. It did not take long for the discomfort to transform itself into utter bliss. Regina soon brought her other leg to his matching shoulder and wailed out, this time in ecstasy, as that position hit a spot that made her see stars.
He quickened his pace and Regina thought she was going to pass out, the friction was too good to be true and that special spot was being hit time and time again. This time she did not even need to use her fingers on her knot in order to reach her peek. This time she saw it coming, the almost magical force building up inside with every new blissful thrust. She fisted her fingers in his hair and cried out his name without really intending to when she came.
Upon hearing his name, Robin hastened his pace even more, panting above her something that sounded too much like her own name for her to deny it. He reached his own peek a few thrusts later and gasped for air for a few seconds, before he opened his eyes and looked at her with such intensity, such feeling, that Regina was stunned at first, unable to respond.
She took her legs from their somewhat awkward position and decided the safest way to respond to the glint of his eyes was by kissing it away. She rolled them over and was on top of him a moment later, their sweaty torsos met, and the promise of a second round lingered in the air. But Regina as well as Robin were completely spent, she was almost unable to keep her eyes open.
The man beneath her was faring rather similarly, he had a silly smile plastered on his face, but his eyes were only half opened. Regina brought her lips to his one last time in a single tender kiss and rested her head on his shoulder, telling herself she was only going to linger there a little bit more. Only so she could feel that wonderful buzz between their naked bodies for a while longer.
She told herself she was going to move her hands to the fur beneath them, that she was going to get up, gather her wits about her and puff herself to her room. She ran by that plan in her head twice while she played sleepily with the hairs of his chest. She told herself she should get up when she felt his breathing deepening beneath her.
But Regina did not even stir from her position, for one of his arms came circling her waist and held her protectively to him. She took a small breath to protest but it died out when his thumb started to caress her hip. She finally gave up on her hopeless plan of disentangling herself from him when he landed a kiss on the top of her head and finally fell asleep.
Just this once
She used the very last bit of energy to conjure a large warm blanket above them both and let sleep take her, just this once.