Chapter 56

Christian

I'm woken by an insistent whisper. "Daddy? Daddy! Move. You're blocking Mommy." I open my eyes to see an indignant Teddy standing at the side of the bed, glaring at me as I cuddle his mother in my sleep. Formerly in my sleep.

"Mommy is sleeping, Teddy." Give her a break, buddy. I kept her up veeeery late last night.

I hear a thud on the other side of the bed, turning my head to see Phoebe jumping up and down, trying to climb up. Oh, hell, that's not safe. I reluctantly slide away from Ana and help her up, while Teddy scrambles up onto the bed, seizing the opportunity for Mommy cuddles. Sorry, baby, I tried.

"Mommy? Are you awake? Mommy?" Ana groans into her pillow, lifting an arm for him to get under. I stifle a laugh. "Good morning!" he whisper-yells.

"It's not really morning yet, Teddy bear," she mutters. My girl is not a morning girl.

Phoebe climbs over me, almost kicking me in the face, to situate herself between the two of us, smiling widely when she gets settled. Looks like someone has caught onto her brother's tricks. I glance at the clock on the nightstand, and it's just before 6 AM. I still have time before I need to get up… and I'm not feeling particularly motivated to leave this bed, especially now.

Once Teddy is snuggling Ana and Phoebe is nestled against my chest, they both doze off again. I'm actually feeling well-rested, having had the best nights of sleep I can recall these last few days. Ana still isn't keen on going out anywhere that's too public, so we spent Saturday moving the rest of my things here and Sunday on The Grace with the whole extended family.

It was a wonderful day, with one slightly terrifying diversion. Ray took the opportunity to have a talk with me and make sure we see eye to eye…

Ana and I are sprawled out on a chaise lounge on deck, enjoying the sun and the breeze while the family idly chats around us. She reaches for her iced tea glass. "Oh, shit. I need a refill."

I kiss her shoulder, taking the glass from her. "I got it."

She smiles sweetly. "You're an angel." I resist the urge to slap her ass, mindful of the present company, and head downstairs towards the kitchen. We can barely keep our hands off each other now that our physical relationship has rekindled. Is this what they mean when they say sex-crazed teenagers? I almost feel more adolescent than when I was an adolescent.

When I lift my head from out of the fridge, I almost drop the entire pitcher when I realize that I've been cornered. "Hello, Christian."

"Ray."

"I think you and I should have a little talk." He scrapes the chair across the floor and sits down at the table. "Why don't you have a seat?"

Saying no is not really an option, and I knew this was coming sooner or later, so I do as he says. I think I'm sweating more now than I have for any high stakes deal I've ever closed.

"It seems like you and Annie are doing fairly well," he says after a long pause.

"Yes, sir." I wait to see if he'll correct me and say to call him Ray, but he doesn't. Fair.

"That's interesting, because when she finally came clean about why she could barely return a phone call for a year, she seemed pretty convinced that a divorce was coming up."

"Yes, she did, and I completely understand why. At the time, I was—"

"It's really none of my business exactly what made you decide you needed to make her leave you. I trust her to decide whether or not you've figured that out. I just need to make sure that she's safe with you. In every way." The warning in his tone is barely concealed. An I-have-a-gun-and-I'm-not-afraid-to-use-it quality is dripping from his otherwise innocuous sentence.

I nod. "I know there's nothing I can say that will be enough to convince you, and it shouldn't be. I just ask that with time, you give me a chance to show you that she is safe with me, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually… for whatever reason, whether I deserve it or not, she's given me a second chance, and I swear on whatever God you believe in that I won't waste it."

He nods slowly, picking his beer up off the table and taking a long sip. "Annie is pretty sturdy, Christian. It rattled me quite a bit to see her so rattled. I really don't want to see her like that again."

"I don't either, sir. Especially not from me."

"As long as she's happy, you and I won't have a problem. But if I get a whiff of discontent off of her… all your fancy security guards won't matter."

"Sir… they would probably let you," I admit. "Everyone is very fond of Ana." And if I really haven't learned from my mistakes enough that I hurt Ana to this magnitude again, someone probably should just come after me with a gun.

"Listen, kid… I'm glad you two are doing better. Really. I don't relish the splitting of a family. But one day, when your little girl is older and gets her heart broken for the first time, you'll understand why getting back into my good graces is going to be a marathon, not a sprint. I'm willing to keep an open mind, but only if you're willing to work for it."

Phoebe isn't even three years old yet, and already the thought of someone hurting her makes me want to flex my fingers around a throat. And she's a carbon copy of Ana… God, I don't think I'll survive her teenage years. I'm going to be beating the male teenage hormones off with a stick. "Yes, sir. I understand."

He nods again, pinning me with a stoic stare. By the time I'm in a full sweat, but before I've broken out into hives, he finally speaks again. "I believe my daughter is waiting for her drink."

I glance down at the glass in my hand, unsure if the moisture on my palm is due to the condensation or my own clamminess. "Yes, sir." I give him a nod and book it back up to the deck.

"Mmmmmwah." Phoebe smacks a kiss onto my face, bringing me back to the present. She's in the throes of learning how to kiss without slobbering all over you, so she likes to practice all the time now. "Hi, Daddy," she whispers.

"Hi, princess."

"I go potty?"

"You need to go now?" She nods. Well, it's time to get up, then. I pick her up and take her into the en suite, shutting the door halfway and standing outside until she's finished.

Phoebe is almost fully potty-trained now. We really don't have babies anymore. I glance over at Ana and Teddy curled up together. There's definitely room for a third in that bed… And for the first time, the prospect of having another child doesn't scare me at all. I know we could do it. Is it too soon to bring it up?

"All done, Daddy!" I go back inside and lift her up so she can wash her hands. It's been three days since you moved back in… are we really going to repeat history by jumping straight into a baby?

Patience. My ally and my nemesis.

Leaving them this morning to go to work was my least favorite thing I've done in a while, but I've left Ros stranded long enough. Plus, we have a therapy session this evening and with the way Ana and I are going at each other when we're alone, I'm not sure we would have made it in time if I'd stayed.

Ana hasn't arrived at Escala yet when I get there, so I pour a glass of water and check my phone. I have a recent text from Mia.

Hey, guess what!

I smile. Mia and I are definitely closer than we've been in years and I'm loving it. What?

Ezra asked me to be his girlfriend! Officially! :D

Finally. So happy for you, Mimi. Ezra is great. But if he breaks your heart, I'll break his face.

I expect nothing less. But honestly, I feel good about this one. Now we just have to plan your QUESTION ;)

I quickly lock my phone when I hear the elevator ping. I really don't need Ana seeing that text…

"Are you serious?! I'm so happy! Two of my favorite people finding love together!" She's on the phone as she rounds the corner from the foyer and sees me standing by the counter. "You have to tell me everything about how he asked. Yeah, you can come whenever. God, I'm just so happy for both of you. I have to go right now, though, we're about to have therapy. Yes, honestly, whenever. Just text me. I love you, too! Bye." She ends the call and starts jumping up and down. "Mia and Ezra! Dating! In love! YES!"

She launches herself at me and I catch her, laughing at her exuberance. "I heard, she texted me. I wondered when he was going to have the guts to seal the deal."

She wraps her arms around my neck and kisses me, fisting her hands in my hair and sliding her tongue against mine. Whoa. I could get used to this as the standard hello. "I missed you today. Do I have time to show you how much?" She starts to finger my fly.

And suddenly my pants are too small. "Well, that would give Eric something to think about."

"He's a marriage counselor. I can't imagine he'd be opposed to us acting married."

But then we hear the unmistakable sound of the elevator. Goddamn his fucking punctuality. I lean down and kiss her neck, just beneath her ear. "Rain check," I whisper. "But walk in front of me, you maddening siren."

She glances down at the tent in my pants with a shameless smirk just as Eric comes into view. "Good evening, Ana, Christian. Am I interrupting something?"

"Not at all. We were just waiting for you," she says pleasantly. And now I'm waiting for you to leave. "After you."

We take our usual seats and Eric eyes us curiously as he gets out his notes. "So, you two… where would you like to start?"

"Well…" Ana starts, sneaking a sideways glance at me. "When we started spending time together as a couple again, we agreed to wait on the… physical side of our relationship. And recently, we started that back up again."

Eric actually smirks as he makes his note. "I see. And what was your motivation for waiting? Christian?"

"In the past… our relationship revolved around sex more than any other element. If we had an evening free, an argument, an occasion, sex was always the answer. If we weren't at work or with the kids, it was all we did. We didn't even really go on dates. So, Ana proposed, and I agreed, that we hold off on that to see how we do without it, if our connection runs deeper than that."

"I think that sounds perfectly reasonable. And Ana, how do you feel now?"

"I mean… I think it's an understatement to say that we have a connection without it. I've been having such a good time with him. I didn't even realize that this gap was present in my life before, but it turns out that he's just one of my favorite people to hang out with. I really want to continue dating and prioritizing time to foster every part of our relationship. But of course, that physical attraction didn't go away, and now that we've started exploring it again, I honestly feel like it's even better."

"Christian?"

"I couldn't agree more. Without a doubt, I want to continue the quality time we've been spending together outside of the bedroom, but now that we've added that element back in, it's… unreal."

"Well, I think it represents great progress that as a couple, you were able to set boundaries together and determine a pace for your physical relationship that led to both of you feeling so confident in your emotional connection. How do you see all of this fitting together as you go forward? Ana?"

"I think we need to make sure to keep everything balanced. It wasn't working when sex was a distraction from our problems or the only thing either of us could think of to do together. Maybe that's why it feels so different now. It's a wonderful thing, but it's not the only thing."

He smiles and nods, keeping his eyes on whatever he's scrawling down. "And Christian, what do you see replacing sex in the future, say, after an argument, or when you have an evening free?"

"When we argue… I think communication and openness is key. We've been doing much better with that. I don't think it makes either one of us feel better in the long run when we don't feel seen or heard, so we have to keep that a priority. If we have free time… well, I'd love to keep date nights a regular thing, but I don't see why we can't have the best of both worlds in those times."

Ana and Eric both laugh, and she squeezes my hand. "Me neither," she whispers.

"Well, all couples have arguments and disagreements, no matter how happy a union is. Ana, do you feel more optimistic at your ability to handle these together when they do come?"

She turns to me and smiles. "I do. I think it may be a learning curve, since we're still getting used to the new version of us, but I think if we keep the ultimate goal in mind, we can figure it out."

"What is the ultimate goal?" He looks to me.

I look at her. "Forever."

Her cheeks turn an adorable shade of pink, and Eric clears his throat, giving us an indulgent shake of the head when we turn back. "Okay. Let's discuss how cohabitation is going. You were worried about your children's reactions?"

"Yes," Ana answers. "They were so happy. We answered their questions, looked at some wedding pictures, and even showed them some of our wedding video. I think they got a lot out of it. And they're really enjoying getting to harass both of us in bed in the morning."

We all chuckle. Yes, they are thriving as alarm clocks. "So, your concerns that the transition will be confusing is alleviated?"

"They seem to have handled the transition well," I answer. "We agreed that if they have any more questions as we go, we'll do our best to guide them. And I think we're settled on the basis that the best we can do for them is show them that we're there for them day by day and make a conscious effort to remind them how loved they are."

"Well… I have to say, I'm starting to feel obsolete. Excellent work, Mr. and Mrs. Grey."

We both turn and beam at each other. Yeah, we do make a pretty good team these days.

"In that case, let's move on to setting some short-term goals."

Ana and I are laying side by side in bed, giving each other what can only be described as googly eyes. We had the usual family time tonight, but the addition of alone time… in bed, in the shower, in bed again, in the shower again… has been wonderful. Being back home almost feels like it's too good to be true. I'm half expecting to wake up in some hotel on the other side of the world, only to find that our entire reconciliation was a dream.

Wanting to distract from that horrendous thought, I change tack. "So… Mia and Ezra."

"I know," she sighs happily. "They seem so great together."

"So, your match investigation was a success. Do you foresee a happy ending?"

"I hope so. If not, I could always send Mia off to interview an enigmatic, intriguing CEO who she initially thinks is kind of a dick, but for some reason can't stop thinking about. I hear that's a good way to find husbands and baby daddies."

I laugh at her teasing synopsis of our love story, switching off the light on my side and pulling her against me, her back to my front. I start to doze off, perfectly content, but the phrasing of her last sentence suddenly replays in my mind and something that probably should have been glaringly obvious long before this hits me like a ton of bricks.

Baby daddy. "Ana."

She turns to face me, her expression alarmed at my tone. "Yeah?"

"We didn't use protection."

Her brow furrows. "What?"

"We've had sex. Several times. And we haven't used protection."

She cocks her head to the side. "I'm still clean, Christian. I'm assuming you are, too."

"Ana!" I sit up, and she follows suit. "What I'm saying is, you could get pregnant." Could she be already? Where is she in her cycle now?

The look in her eyes shifts as realization sets in, and her expression neutralizes. "Oh. Well, you don't have to worry about that."

I'm alarmed by the finality in her tone. And what the hell does that mean? "What?"

"I have an IUD. I'm not getting pregnant. We're good."

We're good? So, that means a pregnancy would be bad. Calm down, Grey. You just got back together. Maybe it's just too early. But that's not the only troubling part in her response. "When the hell did you get an IUD?" And why did I never know?

"When you were… gone. We weren't being intimate, and I didn't want to have to think about the shot every three months if it wasn't even being used, so I decided on a lower-maintenance form of contraception."

"Don't IUDs carry risks? It could puncture your uterus, it could fall out, you could get an infection—"

"Dr. Greene and I talked about it and the complication rates are very low. Besides, it's been in for almost a year, and I don't even notice it." A fucking year?!

I take a deep breath, trying to keep my rising uneasiness at bay. "So… what, you'll just get it removed when we start trying for another baby?" She blinks a few times and stares at me blankly, then drops her gaze to the floor, and I realize I just showed my hand. My blood runs cold. Well, so much for waiting to bring it up.

"Do you really want to do this now, Christian?" she asks quietly.

"Do what now, Anastasia?" I counter. My heart is pounding. Her body language went from happy and content to uncomfortable and closed-off. This is not good.

She lifts her gaze, and her eyes are no longer blank. They're resolute, determined. "I don't want more kids."

Her words take a moment to sink in, then sit there in my head uncomfortably, feeling out of place. "I understand that we should wait. We don't have to think about that immediately—"

"No. Not immediately. I don't want any more kids, at all."

And all the air leaves my lungs in one unpleasant gush. I feel like I've been kicked in the stomach. "You don't want more kids with me?" It comes out as barely a whisper.

She sighs, bracing her elbows against her knees and dropping her head in her hands. "It's not about you. I don't want more kids, period, with anyone. I… I can't."

I try taking deep breaths. I try grounding techniques. My subconscious is screaming reasonable alternatives at me. But I lose the battle against my spiraling anxiety. "So, that's just it, is it? It's not even a discussion? You've just decided that more kids isn't an option for us? What about what I want, Ana? Jesus, I'm finally feeling excited about the prospect of fatherhood. After seeing how the first two turned out, I always wanted more. I could barely stop myself from asking you if we could have another baby the second I moved back in, but here I am, trying to be considerate and take things slow so you feel comfortable. But there was no point to that, was there? You just have clandestine birth control methods that you don't even think it's worth telling me about. You don't think I deserved to know all of the facts about what I was getting myself into before I moved back in?"

She whips her head around to face me, her eyes full of hurt, and I realize what I just said. Jesus fucking Christ. You just can't stop digging your own grave, can you? "Ana… I—"

"Pause." Her voice is flat, and she turns away from me, sliding off the bed.

Now I really start to panic. "What? No, Ana, please—"

"Christian. I said pause." She makes for the door, lingering when she touches the handle. "I'm going downstairs. I'm not leaving. But I would like to be left alone." Without waiting for an answer, she goes, closing the door behind her.

The silence as soon as it shuts is oppressive. I throw the covers off myself and begin pacing, clawing at my hair. Why the fuck would you say that? Did I just cast doubt on the depth of my feelings for her? Well, you basically just told her you wouldn't have moved in with her again if you had known she didn't want to bestow you with another heir, and now she doesn't even want to be in the same room as you.

I almost want to laugh at the irony of this situation. Once upon a time, I walked out on her when she told me that we were having a baby. Now she walked out on me because I flipped out that she doesn't want to have a baby. Can't it ever just be easy for us?

I grab my phone off the nightstand and lock myself in the bathroom. Flynn better fucking be awake right now. But of course, after five rings, it goes to voicemail. I hang up without bothering to leave one. I scroll through my contacts, desperate to find someone else to talk to. If I'm alone with my thoughts right now, knowing Ana is downstairs, I'm bound to do even more damage.

My finger keeps hovering over one contact. At this point, I don't know who else might possibly understand, or who might be willing to listen with minimal judgement, so I tap it, praying that the hour isn't too late.

After three rings, I hear a rustling on the other end. "Christian? You okay, bro?"

I breath a silent sigh of relief. "Elliot. Can you talk right now?"

There's a moment of silence on the other end, then his voice loses its groggy edge and takes on a hint of concern. "Yeah. Of course. What's up?"

A/N: I'm sorry for the little wait, and for posting this so late in the day. I knew exactly how this chapter would go, but one of my best friends had to have shoulder surgery and I was at her house the last few days filling her fridge with meals. So my hands have been busy! (She's okay, the surgery was successful and she's doing much better, just can't move a whole lot!)

Here's what I'll say: everything between them in the last chapter was still very real. They have never talked about more kids before this and it's a touchy subject. Let's see how they handle it. As always, open to hearing your thoughts/theories/opinions on this chapter. Thanks for reading!