Chapter 6

BPOV

"Tanya, maybe this was a bad idea. You go without me." I pulled at my dress, making sure it was covering everything. I felt like I was on display and everyone was gawking at me.

I'd never been to a party like this before. I wasn't invited to them in high school, and even if I had been, I wasn't sure I would have gone. The most exciting thing I'd ever done had been taking sips of wine at Alice's house while her parents were away on business.

"Let's get you a beer, it'll help loosen you up, make you a little less anxious. Give it like an hour, and I promise if you still hate it, we can leave."

I nodded as she handed me a red cup. I lifted it to my nose, sniffing before taking a small sip. It wasn't great, but it wasn't horrible, and Tanya was right, the alcohol would help to calm my nerves. I didn't want to be constantly running away from new situations because I was afraid of what people would think.

After my third beer, I was definitely feeling more relaxed. I'd shooed Tanya away to go talk to the guy she'd had her eye on. She made me promise to get her if I felt uncomfortable, but I didn't want to be that girl. She was a great friend and an amazing person, but I didn't need a babysitter; I could handle myself. If I really felt that uncomfortable or wanted to leave, I knew how to get back to the dorms.

"Hey." A voice startled me from my thoughts. Next to me was a boy with blond hair and bright blue eyes.

"Oh, hi."

He gave me a lazy smile, and it wasn't hard to tell he'd had a bit more to drink than me. Reaching out, he ran his hand over my arm and leaned in close. His lips grazed my ear. I felt a shiver run through me. Aside from sitting beside Edward—my heart clenched at the thought of his name—this was the closest I'd ever been to a boy. "You looked lonely over here all by yourself. I'm James, what's your name?"

I took a deep breath, forcing my thoughts to the boy standing beside me. I returned his smile. "Bella."

James grabbed me another beer, and after that, it all felt like a blur. We'd gone from standing against that wall making small talk, to suddenly on a couch, him planting me on his lap. His lips attacked mine, and I felt breathless as he pulled away. He nuzzled into my neck, and it sent a feeling of shock waves to my core, causing my head to spin.

"How about we go upstairs?" he murmured in my ear.

"I don't know…" But there was a little voice inside of me telling me to go with him. It kept whispering 'this could be your only chance.' So against my better judgment, I listened.

"Come on, baby. I won't bite, at least not too hard." He grinned at me before pressing his teeth against my neck.

Pulling back from him, I bit my lip for a moment. His eyes looked predatory, full of lust. I nodded. "Yeah, okay."

Gripping my hand, he pulled me up from the couch, leading me through the crowded living room. I caught Tanya's eye, there was a small frown on her lips before she mouthed 'you okay?'

I gave her a quick nod, and she returned it with a smile before turning back to her guy.

I followed James into his room, and he shut the door behind us, turning the lock. He must have noticed the nervous look in my eyes as his fingers brushed against my cheek. He brought his mouth closer to mine, pressing a rough kiss to my lips. "Don't worry, just don't need anyone walking in on us," he breathed against my lips.

"Okay," I whispered, but my brain screamed that something wasn't right. Mentally, I shook the thoughts away and chalked it up to me being nervous and inexperienced. I'd never so much as kissed a boy prior to tonight, so it made sense that I'd be a little jumpy.

He moved us toward his bed until the backs of my knees met the mattress. I fell back, and he tumbled down next to me. He captured my lips with his once again, kissing me deeply. His hand traveled up from my waist to my breast. I moaned softly as he squeezed gently, doing my best to quiet my mind and let myself enjoy the moment.

"You've got great tits, let me see them?"

"Oh, um—"

"Please?"

Until that night, I didn't know that my brain could yell two different things at me at the same time. There was one voice telling me to stop, to get out of there, now, while the other voice...it called me a prude. It told me that this was my only chance, no one else was going to want me. Unfortunately, I chose to listen to that part.

Maybe it was the alcohol clouding my judgment, or maybe it was just me wanting to prove to everyone who had said I was worthless, that I was desirable.

So, for the first time in my life, I shed my clothes in front of someone. And if I had thought I'd felt insecure before, it was nothing compared to that moment.

As his fingers crawled down my body, green eyes suddenly flashed through my mind. I hadn't let myself think of him for months, and now, tonight of all nights, he was invading my mind on a constant basis.

James continued his descent, but I no longer felt any desire. My brain was now screaming that I wasn't ready, that I didn't really want to do this. It was so loud that I couldn't ignore it any longer.

"James, stop."

"What?" His fingers probed at me, but I squirmed away.

"I said stop."

He kissed my neck, which now felt akin to spiders crawling over me. "Oh, come on, we haven't even gotten started yet. I promise, it'll be good. I know you're a virgin, I'll try to go slow."

I stood from the bed, gathering up my clothes. "What? I never told you I was a virgin."

He grabbed my wrist, trying to pull me back down. "Look at you. Come on, I'm doing you a favor. You were desperate downstairs, standing against the wall, praying that someone would talk to you."

Tears welled in my eyes as I shook him off. I quickly pulled on my clothes and rushed toward the door, pulling it open.

"Fucking fat cock tease!" he yelled as I ran down the stairs and straight into someone.

Strong hands gripped my arms, steadying me. "Whoa, you okay?"

Well, I'm going to go hide now. Lol!

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