AN: Another heart-fail chapter, and Edward is in as deep as Bella

My apologies for forgetting to upload a teaser to Facebook - the days just seem to get away from me!

My thanks to MeteorOnAMoonlessNight, Midnight Cougar and ghostreader24 without whom this would be a mess of contradictions and bad grammar

And thanks also to every reviewer even though I never get to answer them, and to all those who favorited and followed, I'd love to hear what you think so don't be shy and let me have your thoughts

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight but I want to console this Edward.

Deceit and Destiny Chapter 10

Back in our suite, I headed out onto the balcony with a bottle of water, Jess following close behind me. "That wasn't as bad as I thought it would be."

"They're good friends, Bella. Even if they knew the whole truth, I think they'd still support you. Angela comes across as a bit of a prude, but like me and Alice, she only wants you to be happy, and if that's without Jake, she'll be there for you, too."

She pulled me down beside her on the swing seat, the silence broken only by the sound of the waves from the ocean below. We were both quiet, each lost in our thoughts for a while as we watched people enjoying their vacation, until my stomach grumbled.

I turned to Jess. "I'm going to take a shower to wash off the suntan lotion and salt, okay?"

Jess nodded, and I left her to her thoughts and made my way to the bedroom, grabbing my beach bag from the sofa where I'd left it on the way through the suite. I could feel the weight of the phone inside, holding the texts and voicemails I was almost afraid of, so when it rang, it shocked me.

I took a seat on the bed and pulled it out, relieved to see it was my mom calling, probably for Connor. I took a deep breath and answered. "Hi, Mom. Sorry for the wait, I was just about to get in the shower."

"That's fine, sweetheart. Connor's here, hopping up and down, and wants to speak to you." I could hear the smile in her voice, which pulled one from me, and the excitement in Connor's saying, "Let me, let me," until my mom turned the phone over to him.

"Hi, Momma. Do you want to know what we did today?"

He immediately launched into a long story about going to the fair and winning something on the shooting range; it needed only a small amount of input from me.

I wasn't particularly happy about Dad allowing him to play at a range, even if it was a fake one at the fair, but I reasoned it was small compensation for how little Jake interacted with him.

"That's wonderful, sweetheart. It sounds like you really had a great time. Didn't Dad go with you and Grandpa?"

"He was working," Connor said, unperturbed by the absence of his father in his life.

Once again, Jake wasn't there when he should have been. I wondered what the real reason was for not spending a few hours doing something with his son.

Connor's voice brought me back to the conversation. "When are you coming home, Momma? It's been a long time, and I've missed you."

"I miss you, too, sweet boy. We have two more days here, then we'll be back on Wednesday. That's not too long to wait, is it?"

"You havta bring me back a present; that's what you do when you go on vacation. Can I get a digger, please, Momma? And it's nearly my birthday, too."

I laughed at his shameless reminders—as if I could ever forget—and promised that I'd bring back something for him.

"I have to go now, Connor. I'm all sticky from the beach and swimming in the ocean. Will you call me tomorrow?"

"I will, Momma, bye. Here's Grandma." He handed over the phone and there was a short silence while she waited for Connor to leave the room. "What happened to Jake this time, then?"

"The usual. Had a car in to fix and Sam asked him to do it. Blah, blah, blah! I'm pretty sure Sam would have given him the afternoon off, but you know Jake. There's always something more important than spending time with his son." She sounded angry, her tone snippy.

"I know, Mom, I know," I murmured. "Having this space from him has me realizing that Connor and I deserve better. I'll talk to Jake when I get back, and maybe we can work it out. I want to know what his problem with Connor is."

"You know we'll always be there for you, Bella. If you need some help with kicking his ass, I'm your woman." Mom's laughter lifted my spirits.

"Yes, Mom." I smiled at her words. "I promise I'll ask, thanks. Well, I'd better go now. We're off to dinner in a couple of hours and I still need a shower. I'll speak to you soon. I love you. Give Connor a kiss goodnight for me, please."

Mom assured me she'd give him a huge hug, too. This was the longest I'd spent away from him, and I missed him more than I ever thought I would.

As I ended the call, I saw the reminders of the call I received earlier from Edward. I almost clicked on the voicemail icon, but I wasn't brave enough; instead, I checked his texts.

~ Bella I don't know what's happened but I really need to talk to you.

~ I don't know what's stopping you from calling me or texting me back but I miss you, I need to talk to you.

I closed my eyes, lowering the phone, my heart beating unevenly. I felt sick.

Jess poked her head around the door, sounding worried.

"What's going on, Bella? I thought you were having a shower."

I took a deep breath, opened my eyes, and looked up at her. I held out my phone.

"He called again while we were at the beach. Left me another voicemail and a text, then again at five. I didn't hear it because we were out on the balcony."

Dropping my face into my hands, I heaved a huge sigh, for the moment all cried out. Jess came farther into the room and took a seat beside me, reading the texts before handing my phone back.

"Oh, fuck, Jess, this is awful. I've behaved so poorly, and I feel as if I'm on a rollercoaster. My emotions are all over the place. Honestly, I never intended to sleep with Edward, but when it came to it, I couldn't stop; I didn't want to stop it. Damn it, I have to fight with myself every minute of the day. He sounds confused and worried; I want to speak to him so badly. I keep trying to convince myself it was just a fling, but in my heart, it was much more than that, you know? What do I do, Jess?"

Jess leaned her head on my shoulder. "It sounds as if Edward is really important to you, and I can't pretend to understand what you're going through. But if you take nothing away from this vacation, it has to be the motivation to make some real changes in your life. I'm not saying you should tell Jake anything unless you want to, but he needs to know how unhappy you are."

She smoothed the hair back from my forehead. "This bears repeating, Bella. Whatever you want to do, I'll back you, and they will, too. You hear me? Promise me you'll do something."

"I do, and I will, and thank you, Jess. Thanks for being there for me, for being my best friend. I love you, you know." I took a deep breath in and blew it out, managing to put a weak smile on my face. "Okay, let's get that shower and go eat, shall we?"

We stood and hugged, and I headed for the bathroom to turn on the water. I plugged in my phone to charge it, then stripped out of my clothes and stepped under the heated spray to wash away the salt and the ravages of an emotional day. I washed quickly, then stepped out into the steamy air, wrapping myself in a towel, and returned to the bedroom. When both my body and hair were dried and my skin thoroughly moisturized, I checked through the closet, trying to decide what to wear.

My hands went for the green dress I'd bought especially for this vacation, but when I realized it was almost the exact same color as Edward's eyes, I hastily shoved it back. Instead, I chose a sleeveless purple wrap dress, dropping it over the top of a matching lilac set of underwear.

Tonight, I decided to wear flats since my heel was still a little tender. It didn't take me long to add some light makeup, and I went to sit on the sofa while I waited for Jess to finish getting ready. Dinner that evening was lively, and I began to feel a little better and more cheerful. I was never quite able to put Edward out of my mind, but the girls managed to give me the strength to push away any thoughts, at least for the time being.

I wasn't so lucky once I'd climbed into bed. Housekeeping had been in to make it, but I was grateful the sheets had yet to be changed and still contained his scent. Despite consuming a fair amount of wine, I found it difficult to fall asleep.

Tossing and turning for a good hour, I was unable to escape from the memories of Edward and me together. From dancing at the club, coffee at the night café, the bike ride along the coast, our time at Laguna, then dinner, and Hollywood Boulevard.

Reliving every moment we spent together inevitably led to memories of kisses and caresses, my body remembering the feel of his against mine and his length inside me.

I turned over yet again, catching sight of my phone on the nightstand. I could practically hear the sound of his voicemails calling to me. Eventually, I gave up resisting, picking it up and clicking the icon, preparing myself to listen to his voice.

Edward had left his first one at ten this morning, probably when I was out on the balcony with Jess. Something about his voice resonated deeply inside of me, and I found my breath catching in my throat as it wormed its way further into my heart. It sounded warm and affectionate and hinted at something more than friendship.

Hi, Bella, it's Edward. I'm so sorry I had to leave this morning.

I wanted to stay, but my plane leaves around midday, and I neglected to pack earlier.

I really enjoyed spending time with you and I hope we can stay in touch.

Was your friend okay with me staying over?

She seemed fine with it when I spoke to her so I hope she didn't give you a hard time.

I guess you're either still asleep right now or busy with the girls.

Call me back when you get a minute.

Speak to you real soon.

Bye, sweetheart.

Even knowing it would tear my heart apart, I was helpless to stop listening. I should have just deleted them without listening. He'd left the second one at two-thirty this afternoon while we were at the beach bar.

Bella, sweetheart, it's Edward again.

I keep missing you but I guess you're out with Jess and the other girls at the moment.

We landed on time and we're in a taxi on the way back to my friend's apartment.

I'll be at home all evening and I'd love to hear your voice.

I'm a little worried that you haven't called me or sent me a text to tell me you're okay.

Please call me as soon as you get this or any time, I already miss you.

Well, I'll speak to you soon, love.

Bye

Edward's voice was still warm and affectionate, but I could hear the worry seeping into his tone. Had it really only been sixteen hours since I'd seen his face, kissed his lips?

I read all of his texts again, and the thought I would have to delete them cut deep. I wasn't sure I could sever the only connection to him I'd have.

With his scent seeping into my psyche from the pillow under my head and listening to his voice, I felt that in some way he was still with me. Eventually, I fell into a restless sleep fraught with dreams of Edward coming to find me and then walking away when he saw the real me.

~ oOo ~

The morning came all too soon, and I was awake just after dawn. I'd fallen asleep with my phone in my hand, and placed it on the nightstand before sliding out of bed. Wrapping myself in my robe, I padded out to the lounge and called down to reception for some coffee. Quietly, I opened the doors to the balcony and stood in the doorway gazing out at the ocean until a low knock sounded at the door.

Jess joined me as I was on my second cup, stretching and yawning as the sun moved around and spread its light and warmth across the balcony.

"What are we doing today, Jess? Do you know?"

She sat and leaned back in the chair, turning her face to the sun. "Hmm, I think Alice wants to go to the Santa Monica Pier around mid-morning. Why? Was there anything you wanted to do?"

"Nothing special. The Pier sounds like a good idea, though. I promised Connor I'd bring him back a present so that could be a good place to find something."

She yawned and stretched again. "I think they might be expecting us for breakfast out on the restaurant terrace, but we have a couple of hours until then. It's not even seven yet. I don't have to ask why you're up so early, do I? Bad night?"

"You could say that," I said wryly.

I decided my morning shower could wait for a moment and went to fetch my Kindle from the bedroom, intending to read for an hour. Jess disappeared to get a bit more sleep, and the silence surrounding me was, for once, peaceful.

The fragile peace was shattered as the ringing of my phone stopped me in my tracks. I closed my eyes and steadied myself when I saw Edward's number on the screen.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, I stared at the intermittent flashing, as the phone begged me to listen to the waiting voicemail. My hand trembled as I reached out to touch the screen, opening the voicemail and bringing the phone to my ear.

I haven't been able to reach you and I have no idea why Bella.

Did I do something wrong?

I thought we had a connection and I'm sorry if I overstepped.

I miss you and I wish you'd call me because I want to hear your voice.

I'm sure there's a good reason why you haven't called but love to know you're okay.

Edward's voice reverberated in my head long after the message ended. I felt the bed dip beside me and Jess's arm come around my shoulders. That was when I realized I was shaking and tears were once again streaming down my face.

"Oh God, Jess," I wailed. "I feel like the most selfish bitch in the world. I want to speak to him so badly. I hate this!"

Once again, I was thrown back into emotional turmoil. Edward would've realized by now that I was avoiding him. The guilt was consuming me, and I didn't think anything would ever be okay again. From the moment I woke up yesterday, I'd wanted to call him, to speak to him, to tell him it was only a vacation fling, to let him down easy, but I knew I'd never keep the emotion out of my voice.

Avoiding him or lying to him, neither avenue was an acceptable one. I should be telling him the truth, but I was a coward. The fact that I was breaking my own heart was, I felt, a fitting punishment.

I was a hypocrite. Perversely, I wanted the calls both to stop and continue.

What sort of person did that make me? A selfish one, but I couldn't help how I felt.

~ oOo ~