Chapter 28: Costs to Pay
To describe the mood as subdued as Narvas and his party reconvened at his home near the borders of Zeltoble would have been an understatement of massive proportions, everyone exhausted and drained to varying degrees while the Vassal hero himself listlessly stood around in the kitchen, idly messing with the assorted food items and such without any real intention of using or consuming any of them, mind far away from current events.
Not the healthiest ways of coping but it's what he had, still in mild shock from the chaos that had ensured far below the planet's surface in a dead and desiccated city.
"...Standing around here isn't going to do anything. And neither is just getting back to normal routines or paradigms, that's impossible now."
Screwing around with a fruit that vaguely resembled an apple but tasted more like a pineapple Narvas watched Zhua's gem catch the light of the descending sun, only slightly muted due to the dust and debris that still coated his flesh and clothing.
His eyes watched the gradual movement of aforementioned star continue on its downward arc, thoughts alternating between racing and sluggish as his party went about their own quiet rituals, bathing or maintaining equipment as they allowed him his personal space.
And he made a snap decision.
"I'm going to see Xephina, not sure when I'll be back. Don't stay up on my account, get some rest if you want to."
Only Nephinae and Kayla were present in the living room as he made his announcement, the fox demihuman frowning as she worriedly asked, "Master, if you're not in your right frame of mind right now should you really be-"
She cut herself off as Narvas placed a hand on her head, palm and fingers lightly rubbing her scalp and the fluffy ears present as he exhaustedly replied, "It's fine, Kayla...I just need something to keep my mind off the past few hours, that's all. And it's been awhile since I've actually gone and seen the goddess, it's time I did so again."
While not entirely at ease Kayla seemed to accept his words with a tiny nod, hesitating for a moment before removing his hand from her head, giving it a squeeze in response as the small gesture meant more than either felt like saying out loud.
"Take as long as you need, Narvas...the loss of comrades never ceases to hurt, let such grief run its course as it will instead of trying to fight it."
The Elf's advice was heard and considered, Narvas morbidly reflecting that her years of battle against the Primeval Hooters and the horrific nature of that conflict had no doubt left her quite familiar and experienced with such matters.
"I will, thanks. I'll be back in no more than two days, let everyone else know what I'm up to, okay?"
"We shall. Are you're sure you do not wish to bathe first, master?"
"No, it's fine...right now staying active is foremost in my mind."
A minor bit of unease crossed the male's features.
"Sitting and doing nothing with only my thoughts doesn't sound very enticing at the moment."
Neither made any additional comment, simply nodding in acceptance as he made his way towards the door, remarking, "Feel free to raid the pantries or cabinets for whatever you feel like having, everything is available...I think you all deserve it after this nightmare."
Departing before any more questions or well-wishes could be directed his way Narvas and Zhua teleported to their destination, seeking an audience with their allied goddess.
[You look troubled.]
"Yeah, I guess you could say that."
Flopping down in front of the ornate mural that contained Xephina Narvas idly began picking at the dirt and other debris that had snuck under his fingernails, shifting Zhua in her base state from limb to limb to assist in the cleaning.
[...You lost someone or something precious to you.]
Twitching ever so briefly at the deity's observation Narvas sighed, abandoning his attempt at keeping his hands busy as he said, "Yeah. Turns out that abandoned and dead city wasn't nearly dead enough."
Dismissively pushing forward the empty and unresponsive Vassal Whip Narvas heard what might have been a sudden intake of imaginary air from the goddess, tone grim as she responded,
[You encountered one of the olden Vassal heroes?]
"Yeah. Apparently one that was aware of Medea but was freaked out by her power and ability to manipulate others, thought I was just another one of her pawns."
He looked down at the blank stone floor, unable to even meet the stare of where he assumed Xephina was.
"Sylphy died protecting me, when we were trying to run away."
A tender moment of silence passed, the goddess eventually stating,
[You have my empathy, hero. More so since you are undertaking this quest in order to free me.]
The tan-skinned male shrugged, stating, "I don't mind the empathy but don't feel guilty about it. I'm the one who said yes and decided to embark on this adventure with all the adversity and losses it was no doubt going to entail...even if you hold any guilt in this it's vastly overshadowed by mine."
[...I see. But you are here now and I sense something...new within Zhua.]
The Vassal Claw manifested her corporeal form in a muted flash of light, commenting, "Yes. Sylphy's soul now resides as a source of my power, her will and my own crafting a strength unique and not of the usual fare that my master can make use of."
Narvas quietly sighed, morbidly stating, "Maybe. It's a double-edged sword that was created as a spur of the moment solution to the problem we were faced with, if we wanted to employ it effectively we would have to do a lot of battlefield manipulation...might just be easier to fight normally, in all honesty."
Narvas felt his throat tighten, tears gathering in his eyes as he whispered, "And that's what hurts the most about this whole damn scenario. She willingly sacrificed herself for one, single moment of salvation that might never be used again...it feels disgusting, that even when she gave up her immortal soul I can't find a way to honor her sacrifice and properly employ the gift she gave."
Zhua hesitantly placed a hand on his matted and filth-covered shoulder, delicate fingers squeezing in a bid to provide some measure of comfort as Narvas forced himself to take a deep breath.
[...Can you tell me about her? Your companion and treasured comrade?]
A self-loathing snort of dark amusement left Narvas, words grim as he replied, "Only the most basic and surface level things. I was a rotten partner, Xephina. I rarely ever thought to ask Sylphy more personal questions, figure out or discover her past and just simply went along with her desires and admissions of love."
Feeling another round of tears clot the dust covering his face Narvas mumbled, "I always figured someone in my party might die during my quest, perish as a result of the goal I was pursuing...but I never thought they would willingly throw themselves in the line of fire because they loved me. A love I barely even reciprocated."
He stared down at the gem now holding prisoner a kind and pure soul, who had given of herself more than he could ever imagine himself giving.
"What the fuck kind of bastard am I? I went ahead and saved her from a bunch of slavers and assholes who were looking to take advantage of her inherit empathy and understanding only to turn around and do the exact same thing scarcely a few months later, relying on that sweet girl to keep my confidence up and fucking her like I was some kind of-"
He jerked, the Vassal gem flashing angrily for a few seconds as a distant frustration that wasn't his own washed over his skin like rasping paper...only to calm back down to a soothing blue the same shade as his companion's wings, aggravation seamlessly replaced by comfort and affection that resembled silk caressing his body and a warm embrace.
The gem fell silent, Narvas only able to dumbly stare at it as Zhua carefully said, "Master...while I have not experienced anything such as this before and have no basis for a proper hypothesis it seems likely that Sylphy's soul still retains some measure of sentience and coherence, rather than a distant slumber...your strong negativity—likely regarding your relationship with her—seems to have generated an automatic response in kind."
The Claw hero dumbly stared at the inactive stone, Xephina's tone affectionate but mildly amused as she commented,
[You bemoan your false and inadequate appreciation of your companion's devotion and yet it seems the truth of her feelings remain the same.]
"Is that supposed to make me feel better? Because in all honesty it makes me seem like all the shittier of a person."
[I cannot convince you that you aren't a terrible partner, all I can do is point out the hopefully obvious conclusion that Sylphy wished nothing but positivity and happiness for you, even as you bemoan the seeming fact that you never returned such infatuation.]
Idly picking at a scab adorning the back of his hand the yellow-eyed male found that speaking was quickly becoming a herculean task to accomplish, a lump in his throat that didn't seem in any hurry to go away.
"Master...I don't think you treated Sylphy poorly."
"Not in the conventional sense. But there's a difference between being a rotten human being and taking for granted someone's unconditional affection."
The Vassal weapon fell silent, the man sitting and stewing in his thoughts.
[If nothing else you may look at it this way. Would you rather sit here and bemoan your assumed faithlessness and further worry the fragment of soul that sacrificed itself for you and even now provides an aegis, or would you prefer to honor her wishes and eventually become the hero she believed you to be?]
Wincing at the brutal, simple logic of such a sentence Narvas heaved out a sigh, running a hand through his matted and crusted hair while feeling a thousand years old, recognizing that him bemoaning and grieving over the current circumstances was counterproductive and even disrespectful to Sylphy's final actions.
"Right...you're right."
Taking a deep breath—and coughing violently as he forgot about the crap still lining his body and throat—Narvas grumbled, "Sorry, here you are trapped and imprisoned after you lost countless people—an entire damn civilization—and I waltz in bemoaning one lost comrade."
[Do not apologize as there is nothing to forgive. The loss of a single precious individual does not somehow become lessened when there are more to compare it to...a lost friend, lover or partner is always devastating, should they have been unique and irreplaceable enough.]
"Fridge logic at it's morbid finest."
Finally having the strength to haul himself upright and sit with a modicum of self-respect Narvas bowed his head, commenting, "Thank you, Xephina. I think this is just what I needed to hear."
[While I wish I could have imparted my wisdom on a less tragic set of circumstances I am happy to have been of aid. And do not fear becoming a burden upon me, or that you may not impart your worries and troubles.]
The goddess's voice turned warm with affection and matronly wisdom.
[You are my chosen hero and it is only fair that I answer your devotion with my own, after all.]
Narvas winced, Xephina coughing in embarrassment before hurriedly adding,
[N-not like that, I didn't mean it that way and to remind you of your party member! Umm, well…]
An awkward and forced laugh left the disembodied voice.
[Perhaps I am a little rusty with my wisdom?]
The Vassal hero blankly stared at the wall where Xephina had been sealed, processing what he had just heard...and snorted, a laugh bubbling up in his chest that he had no outlet or means to contain as quiet chuckles filled the room, Narvas calming down after a minute as he said, "Thanks, Xephina. I mean it."
[I would appreciate such comments much more had I not just made a fool of myself…]
A gigantic sigh left the goddess as she nonetheless moved the conversation along, stating,
[Julietta will be joining your party soon, she has all but completed her task of directing and organizing our order and now has the freedom to aid you without distraction.]
Perking at that the Vassal hero mused, "She'll be a welcome addition, I'm not about to turn away someone that powerful."
A level 100 joining the club, also benefiting from the stat modifiers and other performance boosters if they found the opportunity to perform another level reset?
Yeah, he was on board with that.
Sure, there was some bitterness and regret over the realization that if he'd just waited a few days Julietta would have accompanied them to the destroyed city and perhaps been able to aid them in escaping the crazed Whip hero to the point Sylphy would still be alive...but if his whole quest had been about taking the safe route, about ascending to godhood through the most assured and easy means possible he would have just whored himself out to some kingdom or laid low until the Legendary heroes arrived, using his canon knowledge to befriend or at least guide them into doing the heavy lifting for him.
But that wasn't what he'd decided to do.
And something about that method just didn't...resonate with him, didn't feel like a valid and worthwhile means of obtaining what he desired.
No...he'd made mistakes and poor decisions but his ultimate goal and the path to reach it wasn't one of them.
[As much as I would like to stay and chat, my hero, events move forward with or without our presence. Stirrings of conflict consume the land and the Filolial Queen in particular could use a friendly face or two. She has long served as a guardian of this realm and seeing it do its utmost to commit planetary suicide has always caused no shortage of distress.]
Nodding in acceptance of the woman's words he rose to his feet, Zhua vanishing back within her gem as he said, "I'll do that. And I'll also return as soon as circumstances permit."
[My thanks. While I imagine you will be busy with Siltvelt's aggression and the response it will engender once your task is completed—one way or another—return to me with resolve in your heart...it is time I reveal to you certain truths as well as return to this world, no matter how limited I may still be.]
Frowning at her phrasing Narvas nonetheless held his questions, figuring that she had her reasons.
"I will. Until then, Xephina."
[Safe travels, my hero.]
"Master, are you-"
"Better. Thanks, Varsha."
Affixing the nervous dragon girl with a tired smile he met the rest of his party's gazes with a wry expression.
"Best to stay busy for now, action is better than simply sitting and stewing. Has Fitoria dropped by while I was gone?"
Lenia shuffled slightly from where she stood nearby, ears drooping slightly as she replied, "She is here now, actually. Master, has something happened? The Filolial Queen seemed...upset?"
Hala motioned with her head, commenting, "She merely showed up and began watching those old movies from her previous master. We inquired as to whether she desired any food or drink but she barely so much as replied beyond a simple shake of her head."
The Lucent Empress, frowned, concluding, "Were it not for her despondent air I would label such manners as excessively rude."
Narvas sighed, commenting, "It does seem to be a day of generally miserable events. Xephina says that Siltvelt is gearing up to begin the war in earnest, that would go a long way in explaining why she's in a dour mood."
It was Nephinae who seemed to understand the implications of his words the best, pointed ears drooping slightly as she mused, "Ahh. The Queen has spent much of her life as a constant guardian of the world, seeing it continuously war with itself must be a morbid trial."
"Especially since she can also remember a time when that wasn't the case."
Running a hand through his hair and grimacing as his fingers almost immediately caught on the crap matting it Narvas stated, "I'm going to take a quick bath and then see how she's doing, no planned events for today or tomorrow, everyone keep resting up if they want to."
A round of nods met him as he quickly entered the washroom, gratefully scrubbing himself raw and switching into a simple but clean ensemble of loose-fitting shirt and pants, feeling mildly better even if his mood was still a fair bit melancholy after the long, long day.
Making his way to the entertainment room the Claw Hero found that a movie he suspected was based on Godzilla playing, the large sofa placed in the middle of the room amidst other scattered furniture occupied by a solitary, tiny figure with her knees tucked up to her chest and wings folded close.
For such a terrifyingly powerful individual, Fitoria looked more vulnerable like this than Hala and Varsha had when they were simple newborns.
Locking a tired breath behind his teeth Narvas quietly sat next to Fitoria, the girl displaying not so much as a lick of recognition to his presence as she continued to watch the movie, a bipedal and bulky lizard monster laying waste to a scale medieval city.
"You know I've said this before but your old master really did have good taste in media."
"There's another war starting."
The utterly inflectionless words had Narvas nodding in acceptance, deciding to skip the small talk and reply with, "So I heard. How are you holding up, then?"
Instead of replying directly Fitoria distantly stated, "For many, many years I have safeguarded this world, carried out my master's orders. Carried them out despite how desperately people tried to ignore the prosperity and happiness his actions brought."
She hugged herself even tighter, voice barely louder than a whisper as she mumbled, "And I could never stop it, never do what my master wished for me to do. I tried so, so many times, did so many things."
Fitoria's head downturned, hidden behind her knees and the folds of her dress.
"I tried talking and negotiating...but I was never good at that, only ever able to argue from a position of strength and nothing else. I had relied on master and others to do the talking for me previously. I tried bargaining but was either swindled or tricked, master and his companions again spoiling me by taking care of such intricacies when I had been a part of their group."
This time it was her hands that bunched the soft fabric, squeezing with desperate strength.
"And when all else failed I killed the ones rekindling the flames of war, going against the very lessons my master had tried to teach me so desperately. And what did that accomplish? It labeled me as a demon, a monster in the truest sense of the word and merely postponed the conflict, or spawned new ones."
Bitterness colored every inflection of the Filolial Queen's words.
"My legacy is one of failure spread across the history of this land. This latest war? Merely the continuation of my weakness."
Watching Fitoria out of the corner of his eye Narvas remained silent, pretending not to see the slight tremble in her delicate limbs or the way her chest silently heaved.
"...Fitoria, what would you say if I could stop this war before it gets truly underway? Keep a small tragedy from escalating into a larger one?"
The slight woman stilled, head shooting up to meet his with a teary gaze that caused a strange twinge in his heart.
Sure, it was a normal reaction across a wide variety of species to want to help a crying or injured life but this felt a little...different.
"Like I've seen it before?"
Shaking his head free of that confusing thought he instead continued his explanation with, "I've long been considering what to do about this war, or if I should do anything at all. No matter how powerful a hero is there's a limit to what they can accomplish even with a party."
He frowned, commenting, "I don't know if that's the mindset I should have anymore, the mindset a hero should have. I've been forcing myself to do the impossible all the while, stepping outside of my comfort zone from the very get go and this shouldn't be any different."
He offered up a wry smile, Fitoria's eyes wide and grief set aside for the moment.
"And I hate seeing you crying, Fitoria. I think it's time a kind girl with the weight of the world on her shoulders gets a break from her vigil."
The Filolial Queen blankly stared at him, the Vassal hero unable to guess what was going through her head...and a thick, audible swallow emanated from the youthful woman.
"You...you think you can stop it?"
"Not cleanly and not perfectly, no...but I am certain that I can put an end to it before things spiral out of control."
There was little emotion to be found on the girl's face, eyes scanning his for what she no doubt figured would be signs of duplicity or false bravado...and found nothing but steely resolve.
"I...I shouldn't be having you do this, it's my responsibility and not anyone else's-"
"Maybe. But if I want to do this then who are you to stop me?"
"It shouldn't-"
Fitoria's words were cut short once again as Narvas picked her up, setting her on his lap as one arm pulled the woman close, the other lightly stroking through her silken hair with comforting motions.
"Relax, Fitoria. Can't believe I'm saying this after everything that just went down...but have a little faith in me?"
For a moment he was sure the Queen was going to simply leave his embrace as she always did, trying to maintain a certain distance...and with a quiet, tired noise of acquiescence she leaned into his touch, head bumping against his chest as a small and tender smile appeared on Narvas' lips.
I'm not sure if it's because of Slyphy's death, my conversation with Xephina or perhaps the simple result of months passing by...but I think it's high time I start going a little wild in this world.
I've spent years training, learning and improving myself in the crucible of a planet that seems to revel in beating down and devouring the weak for the amusement and sustenance of a mad goddess, a harsh and uncompromising one that seems to have precious little good in it.
And now?
Now it's time for me to display the results of that training to the kingdoms of these lands, to put an end to a war that will lay the foundation of a great deal of tragedy further down the road...and I'm going to do it by performing the action all great heroes in history have performed.
The art of mass murder.