Our story starts in Episode 7 of the anime, when Subaru first attempts to reveal Return by Death to Emilia. Up until now, everything has proceeded identically to the anime – after all, Subaru has not yet attempted to reveal Return by Death to anyone, and so whether he can or not makes no difference to the flow of the story.

This story is mainly the result of me wanting to explore the wide-reaching effects that a single change like this could have to the story. While Subaru is allowed to reveal his Return by Death, don't think that means that there won't be any consequences for it! In this context, allowed just means not having himself or those he reveals it to getting directly harmed by the Witch. But it might cause other things to happen, immediate or otherwise…

Chapter 1: Reveal

"Emilia…

…

…several times up until now, I've died."

Subaru's words hung in the air after he spoke them. Time seemed to freeze as a weird feeling came over the room, and for a moment he was sure that he would be struck down for what he had said. And then-

Emilia spoke. "Subaru…"

"How could you joke about such a thing?"

Subaru hesitated to respond. He knew that he should have thought more carefully about admitting something so serious. After all, this power was unnatural, surely it would make people see him as some kind of a monster, and make them want to tie him to a bag of stones and throw him into a river-

"Do those from your home speak so callously about death?"

The eyes of the silver-haired half-elf looked directly into his, and behind her amethyst irises Subaru could see that there was no look of anger, but one of disappointment instead. Callously. He hadn't heard that old-fashioned word in a while. He tentatively responds,

"No, they don't. But I wasn't joking."

"Then how can what you're saying to me be true?"

Subaru collects his thoughts, and a shiver travels up his spine. In his head, he recounts the horrible experiences that he's had up until now.

"Ever since I came to this wor- to Lugnica, I've faced confrontation and hardship. You don't remember this, but the first person who helped me was you."

Emilia is confused, but before she can question him, Subaru continues-

"You saved me from a gang of robbers in an alleyway. We spent the day together, looking for your stolen insignia, and then…" Subaru says, hesitating as he realises that he has the choice to tell Emilia about her past deaths. Should I? Could she take it? "…and then I was murdered."

"I found myself back in the centre of the capitol and realised that I had started again. [Return by Death], I call it. I died three times in the capitol, making sure that you wouldn't be killed by that – that murderer."

The room Is silent. Emilia doesn't know what to think of what he has said, as whether he is lying or telling the truth, both possibilities are scary…if he is lying, then what would bring him to concoct such a strange, horrific story, and if he is telling the truth, then what suffering has he had to go through on her behalf? More importantly, why?

"How- how do I know that you are telling the truth?" Emilia carefully asks.

"You helped a young girl find her parents on that day, didn't you?"

"Okay, but you could've been watching me do that from afar-"

"On my real first day, we helped her together. We both helped her. I didn't get the chance to do that with you again after my first death, but I noticed you kept doing it throughout my retries. Heh, I guess it's just in your nature."

Subaru continues, "If that won't convince you, how do you explain me knowing Puck's name, and that he would be with you?"

Unlike before, Emilia had no reply to this. She was confused by it, but she couldn't explain this away. Only someone who had met and acquainted themselves with her before could possibly know about her contracted spirit, Puck, and she knew that Puck hadn't met him before either.

"Don't you think it all fits in together too well, for someone who didn't know you before? Anyway, I'll prove it to you. Roswaal will, when we eat today, offer me anything I desire. I'll choose to work here, like I always do-"

"Wait, like you always do? Subaru…are you saying you have died here? Under my care?"

Subaru sighs. No point beating around the bush, it would have to come out eventually. Sooner would probably be better than later. "Emilia…this is the fourth time I've woken up on this day."

The ramifications of what Subaru has said hit Emilia like a brick. "So you're telling me…you've died three times in this mansion? Why wouldn't you run away? Why would you stay here and risk dying again?"

"Truthfully, I wanted to, Emilia…but one thing made me stay. I want to help you.

…I'll make you the ruler, like you want to be!"

Like Subaru said, Roswaal did indeed offer him anything he desired, and he used the opportunity to get hired as a servant for the third time. He noticed how Emilia went pale upon seeing this, like she had seen a ghost. If I've died before, does that technically make me a ghost?, he ponders. Nope, I'm too real.

Gotta talk to her later though.

The day was similar to all the others he had experienced. His skills with performing his duties had risen steadily throughout his last three attempts, and so he glided through them with little issue. Maybe too little issue. He didn't even get a single cut on his fingers this time when he peeled the mansion's vegetables!

Rem watched him from the corner of her eyes as they worked together. She made sure that he couldn't see her, as she knew that he was watching his back for something. Suspicious. Like he knew that people would be out to get him.

"For someone who is supposed to have no experience, he seems to be completing these tasks quickly, doesn't he?" Rem asks her sister.

"Indeed, Rem. Despite his breakdown earlier, he might still have an ounce of potential. Just one, though."

Rem couldn't stop watching him, though. She recognised that smell, even if her sister tried to overlook it. The witch's miasma.

…

They'd been working for almost the full day at this point, and Ram realised the time. "Barusu, it seems that you are done for the day. Rem and I will polish off the rest of the daily tasks. Try not to embarrass yourself too much in your free time."

"Don't you worry about me, I've already experienced enough embarrassment to last a lifetime in these past couple weeks-" Subaru says, stuttering as he realises that he couldn't reasonably explain what he was about to say. He quickly turns to leave to avoid any possible pushing of the topic.

Luckily for him, Ram doesn't push him. "See you tomorrow."

Next stop: to find Emilia. Of course, he knew that she'd be in the courtyard, and so he headed straight there. He steeled his resolve, preparing himself for the awkward questions that might follow.

Who killed you?

Who gave you this power?

How can I trust you?

He enters onto the courtyard, and he sees Emilia ahead, her silver hair parted into two braids, and her hands clasped together in front of her body. Hah, she looks really pretty in the moonlight like that. She had clearly been waiting for a while, and he couldn't blame her, because the weight of what she has learned today is heavy.

Subaru approaches her, but despite his preparations, he isn't ready for the question that she actually asks him.

"Why?"

Subaru's breath catches, and he looks down at the ground. Shit. I'm not ready for this-

"Why are you helping me?"

Subaru didn't think of this question. To him, the answer was obvious, as he had spent so much time with her and fallen for her so quickly. But he had failed to realise that to her, they had only spent a few fleeting instants together, and so she would find it hard to rationalise his desire to help her.

He looks back up, expecting to see a look of…judgement? Confusion? Fear? … But as he looks back up, his eyes instead come to rest on a set of tearful eyes that very clearly show pain. Not just pain, but belief, belief in what he has said even though it must be so incredibly horrible for her to have learned this truth – and Subaru realises his answer.

Despite learning something that would freak out most people, she still shows concern about him above everything else. Of course, not concern like a lover would show, or even a friend – they're not at that level yet – but concern nonetheless. So Subaru decides to respond with the honest truth:

"You were the only person kind enough to reach your hand out to me in an unfamiliar world, and I couldn't bare seeing – bare seeing – "

"Seeing me d-die?" Emilia stutters.

"Yeah." Subaru says, realising that there's no point in trying to hide it. Doing that would only make things worse later on.

"I want to be your strength, Emilia-tan. I want to make sure to save you, and everyone else too. I want to make the bad futures go away and carve out a path that will make everything okay."

Emilia can tell he isn't lying. They stand silently on the courtyard grass for a while, milling over their thoughts in their heads…

"-tan?" Emilia asks.

Subaru snorts, to Emilia's confusion. "Huh, did I say something wrong?" she asks, perplexed.

"It's just…that's the fourth time you've gotten confused about that. It's an honorific from my old country. Don't worry about it, Emilia-tan."

They go back to their silence. Subaru has little else to say, as he knows that Emilia needs time to think about what he's told her.

Then, Emilia starts to cry.

"Wait – Emilia, what's wrong?" Subaru pleads.

"Does dying hurt, Subaru?"

"Wha-?"

"I've died before…haven't I? And yet I seem to have only just met you…so I'm probably going to die more, aren't I? Does it hurt? I don't want to die, don't want to die, don't want to die-!" Emilia breaks down, sobbing at the realisation that, if events unwind like they have in the past, she'll need to experience the pain of death. Many times more.

Subaru grabs her shoulders. They're smooth!- nope, come on, focus on the task at hand. "No. I won't…won't let that happen. I'll change the future before that happens, use my power before you experience that pain. There's no reason for you to need to experience that anymore. I've learned from my mistakes…this Emilia won't be going anywhere."

"Emilia-tan." He finishes, wiping one of her tears away.

"W-what?"

"I like you. And I'll protect you, because I want to be your strength."

Subaru wakes up the next day with an acute awareness of the time he has left. Four days. That's my [Time Limit]. Which means I have three days left until that [Time Limit] is reached, and then…I die.

After the events of last night, he didn't know what to say to Emilia next time he saw her. He knew, however, that he would need to broach the subject with her again soon. Today, in fact. Because if he didn't, then before too long his [Time Limit] would be reached again, and he'd be right back where he started.

Despite all the resolve he had showed earlier, Subaru was practically pissing himself at the thought. The truth is, he didn't think he had the strength to make Emilia go through all of this a second time. Not to mention…

What if there's a limit to how many tries I get per [Save Point]?

What if, after dying my fourth time in the mansion, I don't wake up again?

What if I never see Emilia again?

He couldn't let that happen. Both for his selfish side, which wanted to be able to see Emilia as much as possible, and for his selfless side, which wanted to be able to protect Emilia from the dangers to come. If he died now, and didn't come back, he would be responsible for it all. Not to mention, if he didn't come back, he wouldn't be able to save all the others, like Ram and Rem, also. Subaru knew that there would certainly be trouble for them in the future as well.

At the same time, he knew that until he had a chance to discuss his options for this attempt with Emilia, he couldn't keep going with the tactics that he'd been following for the attempts before. In case his discussions with Emilia didn't open any new doors, he had to at least try something different, because otherwise he would just be walking down the same road as before, proceeding to his demise.

So, as a gamble, Subaru decided to do –

Nothing.

He laid in bed, knowing that the least suspicious thing that he could do at this moment in time was to do absolutely nothing. It might sound lazy, but he didn't see it like that. If anything, it's manipulative.

How would Ram & Rem perceive Subaru if they had to come drag him out of bed to do his duties? Would they perceive him as more or less of a threat? His gamble was that they'd see him as less of a threat…after all, what kind of horrific threat to the mansion would be lazing around in bed, ruining the opinion of the staff rather than trying to build it up?

Sure enough, within an hour he could feel himself getting dragged out-

"Ow, ow, ow, alright, I'm sorry-" Subaru winced, as Rem pulled him by the ear towards the door. He noticed that Ram wasn't there, but chalked it up to someone having to still be performing their duties.

"What a deadbeat thing to do, laying in bed while you make us do your work for you…get ready, I will be waiting outside your door. You have two minutes before I drag you to the kitchen, dead or alive." Rem spoke, disdain seeping into the blue-haired maid's voice. Swiftly closing the door, Subaru rushes to get ready.

Dead or alive…I hope she was joking about that! Better rush getting ready just in case…

And 1.9 minutes later, he emerges from his bedroom.

Despite his attempt to mix up the chain of events, everything that day seemed to be progressing as it usually does.

Crap! I should've done more, I'm going down the same path as always!

Until-

"Barusu, you will accompany Rem to the village to do our required shopping. Don't let your indecent tendencies get the better of you."

The cheek, I haven't even done anything in this life like that –

Subaru halts his train of thought, as realisation hits him. Going to the village…that isn't supposed to happen until the fourth day. Why is it now happening on the second? Of course, he welcomes the change, as for all he knows, it could bubble down the chain of events to be the thing that saves him from death, but…how weird. Surely his laziness couldn't have made them require a shopping trip two days earlier?

His train of thoughts is interrupted by Ram. "Normally, we would go in two days from now to collect the shopping we require, but circumstances have arisen that require us to urgently collect some equipment. Rem will handle that, while you will deal with the regular shopping."

Equipment? That sounds foreboding…but I'll have to go with it for now. Let's hope she isn't getting stuff to torture me with, or something like that…!

"Alright, sure, I'll go with you. Ready, Rem?" Subaru replies to Ram's instructions.

"Weird, Rem would have thought that you would need some sleep first…yes, let's go." Rem replies, smirking.

Well, that's a start.

The village trip was similar to the others that he had been on, and Subaru was relieved that he could at least joke with Rem while they went on the trip. There were only two main differences:

First, Rem obtained a bag of mysterious items that she wouldn't show to Subaru under any circumstance. Weird.

Second, when the children came around with a puppy to show off, it was Rem who was bitten while playing with them.

To Subaru, this list of divergences seemed acceptable. Whether it would be enough to stave off death, he didn't quite know. But it seemed a whole lot better than doing nothing, and besides, he still had one more person he needed to talk to tonight. Emilia.

Which is how he found himself out in the courtyard again, late at night. This time, he was sitting with her, but while he was glad to be in her presence again, he lamented that he wasn't able to do certain things he had done in previous loops. He hadn't been able to show her his radio calisthenics or anything! Instead, he had only brought her pain…he needed to fix that soon.

"Subaru."

"What's up, Emilia-tan?"

"I'm going to save you too. I know that…you can't die, but I know that you can't keep it up forever. Deep down, you're just like me, a normal person."

"…I really don't deserve to sit next to someone like you, Emilia-tan."

"Anyway. We need to figure out how to save you. So, first, you need to tell me how you've died so far."

"Alright, but first…I need to correct something you just said."

Emilia pauses. What did she say that was wrong?

Subaru continues. "You said I can't die, as in I'll always keep repeating…but I don't know that. I don't know if there's a limit to my ability, if eventually it will run out and – I'll just stay de-"

"It doesn't matter, I won't let that happen! If there is a limit, we won't reach it. I'll save you before you hit that limit." Emilia interrupts, the words bursting out of her. Subaru stares in shock at the source of the outburst, having never seen that come from her before. It doesn't affect how he feels about her, though.

"I understand. In that case…my deaths.

The first – I honestly don't know. As far as I can tell, I was perfectly fine, went to sleep, and then woke up having used [Return by Death] in my sleep.

The second – I can't be certain, but I think it was – Rem."

Emilia gasps at the thought. "No…why?" she whimpers, because she is interpreting this not just as Rem turning against Subaru, but Rem turning against Emilia, too- how could Rem kill Subaru if she cared about Emilia?

Emilia had been rejected enough times in her life already, she finally had found solace with these people, and now –

She calms herself. "Sorry. Please continue, Subaru."

"…alright. The second time, I was experiencing a severe sickness. I was vomiting, my head spun, and my…life felt like it was leaving my body. I went out into the hallway to try to cry for help, but I was killed by an attacker. The only thing I heard was the sound of a chain.

I'm sure that if the attacker hadn't killed me, I would have died of a sickness similar to whatever I died of in the first night.

As for why I think it was Rem…on the third night, that's exactly who killed me. And she used a weapon with a chain."

Emilia's thoughts spun at the fact that Rem had killed Subaru not once, but twice…!

"I've been trying to make sure I don't go down a path that could lead to Rem killing me again, but for the poisoning, I really am stuck…"

"You weren't poisoned." Emilia interrupts.

"Wait, what?" Subaru responds, confused as to how she could be so certain.

"I mean, if you mean poisoned as in food, or drink…there is no way. Roswaal, as most Lords are, is very careful that any food or drink given to their guests or staff is safe. It would be a huge shame on the Lord if someone was to die in their care from poisoning, you see. So they use very strong magic to prevent it.

So I can only think of one thing that would cause you to have symptoms like what you were describing. Your mana and Od being depleted, drained to zero."

"Okay, so…what could cause that to happen so suddenly?"

"A curse is the only thing. But again, curses can't be placed on someone inside of these grounds. Powerful magic prevents it. Which means…"

"…I must have had it placed on me in the village…" Subaru completes Emilia's sentence, coming to the same realisation as her. Worst of all, he realises that…

"If I received the curse in the village…and then died the same day…and I went there today…then!" Subaru throws his head down and screams in horror as he realises the predicament that he's in. My actions just shifted the [Time Limit] closer, not further away!

"No…Subaru, I won't let you die! If you were cursed, Beatrice can undo it…we need to go there now!" Emilia half-shouts, realising that time was going to run out quickly if they didn't move immediately. Subaru jumps to his feet, knowing that this was his best chance of avoiding going back to the start of this hellish loop, and looks up, but—

I thought I had done better this time. So why…

Standing between them and the mansion, was Rem, with a single glowing horn poking out of her forehead.