Change of plans again, I'm afraid. I had a lot of troubles writing the interlude that was supposed to come, so I've decided to re-think some of my short-term plans for future chapters. In the meantime, I've brought something for you to read.

Hope you like it.

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Special Chapter: A Very Vorpal Wedding

Eight years after the game…

With the thoroughness of a hawk hunting for prey, and with even less mercy; Asuka made sure that everything was ready. The staff and the early guests moved aside whenever they heard her stomps echoing through the hallways. Once, twice, thrice she checked every room of the venue, from the banquet hall to the groom's dressing room. Her inspection finished in the kitchens, where she confirmed, to the relief of the terrified chefs, that the cake was still in pristine condition.

"Yes," Asuka declared, her eyes sparkling with a determination quite similar to the one from her piloting days. "Everything's ready."

"My goodness, it looks delicious," Misato drooled at her left. "I can't wait to taste it."

The younger woman extended an arm, putting an open hand in front of her former guardian.

"Hold your horses, Mamasato. Remember: Shinji and I get the first slices and the first bites."

"I know, I know. I got married once too, remember?"

They laughed, but Misato noticed something weird in Asuka's chuckles. They sounded… forced, as if they were hiding less pleasant emotions. Being the only one of the two who had gone through a similar experience, she knew exactly what was happening.

"Nervous?" Misato asked.

"Like you wouldn't believe."

"Well, that's a good thing. It means you're taking this seriously."

"Yeah. No turning back now."

As she said those words, Asuka raised her hands to her head. Her fingers trembled just a little when she took off her A10 hairclips. The freed locks of red hair fell over her shoulders. She looked at the pieces of plastic for a last second, and then she gave them to Misato.

"They're yours."

The eyes of the older woman darted from the clips to Asuka, and back to the clips again, a few times.

"What…" she asked. "What do you want me to do with them?"

"It's up to you," the soon-to-be-wife shrugged. "Hide them somewhere. Throw them away. Give them to someone else. Use them as paperweight or as Halloween decorations. I don't care. I don't need them anymore."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. My piloting days were over many years ago," Asuka closed her eyes and let out a small, melancholic sigh. "I'll never forget that part of my life, and I'm grateful for all the people I met thanks to the Evangelion… but it can't be the center of my being anymore. There are no new Angels coming, no Units left to pilot. It's time for the Second Child to retire and for Asuka Langley Sohryu to take front stage," she smiled. "And Asuka Langley Sohryu has decided that she wants to spend the rest of her life with a certain idiot named Shinji Ikari."

An image flashed in Misato's mind, of a loud teenager that used to live with her. One who would throw tantrums as often as she would praise herself. One that demanded to be trated like a princess, while rarely giving the same courtesy to others. She couldn't see that girl in the woman in front of her, not anymore. Where had she gone? Perhaps to the same place where the meek, quiet and constantly scared Shinji had disappeared to.

Or maybe those kids hadn't gone anywhere. They were still there, just grown up. Healed.

"That's very mature. I'm proud of you," Misato put the red clips inside her purse. She would later think what to do with them. "I just wish the rest of the celebration was just as mature…"

Asuka's smile turned into a mischievous smirk.

"Bite me, Katsuragi. It's our wedding, and we'll do whatever we want."

He stood in front of a tombstone with no body beneath. To his left, and to his right as well, similar black monoliths spread across the landscape. Tiny monuments to the thousands dead due to the Second Impact and its consequences.

"Hello, mother."

Shinji knew that she wasn't there. She wasn't even dead, not technically. At that very moment, Yui Ikari, or at least her soul, wandered the cosmos inside the eternal Evangelion Unit-01.

"Asuka and I are getting married in a few hours. I thought I should tell you."

Shinji knew she couldn't hear him, but he didn't care. That whole ritual was more for his sake than for hers.

"I was going to take her family name, but she convinced me to just join them instead. By the afternoon, I'll be Shinji Sohryu-Ikari," he chuckled. "Because of course hers was going to go first."

He looked at the tombstone for a short while, not saying anything else. His weight shifted from one foot to the other. He rubbed his arm, trying very hard not to avert his gaze. Heavy sighs escaped his lips, and for just a second, the nervous tic in his hand returned after years of absence.

Shinji gulped. There was no sense in delaying it any longer. He needed closure before the main event.

"I forgive you, mother."

His shoulders hunched. There was exhaustion in his every movement, but also relief, almost as if he had just gotten rid of an uncomfortable weight, one he had been carrying for far too long.

"I'm still upset," he added. "You know, for choosing space over me; but I'm moving on with my life. I don't want to drag old grudges with me, and much less with her."

Shinji kicked some sand, wearily.

"Miss Kyoko often tries to defend you. She says that maybe, when you saw that I had so many people who loved me and helped me; you believed that I would be fine on my own."

A leaf landed on top of the tombstone, carried by the wind. Shinji swept it away.

"Don't get your hopes high, though. Miss Kyoko is also upset at you, just not as much as I am. I guess she can understand you a little better, since you were both scientists. She once told me that your problem was that you were too optimistic, too naïve for your own good. You always saw the good in others and hoped that they would do the right thing. Father. Fuyutsuki. Me…" he sighed. "I think I agree with her. Oh, before I forget; Miss Kyoko says that she's going to hoard all your future grandchildren for herself. I quote: 'That'll teach her.'"

He chuckled, remembering how serious the older Sohryu had looked when telling him to deliver the message.

"Anyway… I don't know if I'll ever be able to understand why you did it; but yeah, I forgive you," he smiled at the tombstone. "I'm doing fine. I'm happy. I've learned that my life is worth living, and I found someone I want to live with."

Shinji turned around.

"See you later, mom. I'll come visit sometimes."

He walked among the rows of black markers, hands on his pockets, not looking back. He walked until he reached the road at the edge of the memorial site, where a car was waiting for him, along with a woman of red hair.

"How was it?" Kyoko asked.

"Good. I feel at ease now. You sure you don't want to talk to her?"

"Nah. This is a mother-son moment. I'd just get in the way. Now, we should get going. You don't want to arrive late to your own wedding!"

The moment was drawing ever closer. The ceremony hall was full. The guests, all of them, had finally arrived; and they were all dressed as the bride and groom had instructed them.

Under a pointy grey hat and behind a long, fake white beard; Former Vice-Commander Fuyutsuki was almost unrecognizable. Touji, sitting much closer to the first row, suffered from a similar predicament. Most of his face was covered by a thick, curly, itchy and very dwarvish beard. A cushion under his shirt made him look fatter than he actually was. Were not for the miner's helmet hiding his forehead, everyone could've seen a very displeased, very furrowed brow. In contrast, Hikari, sitting next to him in, seemed to be having the time of her life. She had crafted her elven attire with care, going so far as to acquire a real wooden bow.

Wrapped in bandages and wearing green and yellow makeup, Kensuke the mummy kept a camera glued to his eye, ready to record the event for posterity, as per the bride's threats/orders. Meanwhile, Aoba and his band of orcs tuned the instruments. Once they were ready, they gave a thumbs-up to the groom.

Her hair dyed blue for the occasion, and also wearing blue clothes; Maya the water elemental played her character a little too well, because there was water coming out of her eyes. She was already crying. Unable to hold it together, she had hoarded an entire supply of tissues and was making good use of them. In the front row, Kaji the bard sat patiently, rocking his sleeping daughter, Hayami, in his arms. The baby had been wrapped into a comfy and tiny Tarrasque costume, thus gaining Asuka's appraisal as 'the most adorable destroyer of worlds.'

But only one outfit had been declared the absolute winner by both bride and groom, and that was Makoto's. He wore a long, dark blue tunic with several skull-shaped brooches. His hands had been painted purple, and they had long, black fake nails. However, the best detail was the motorbike helmet, heavily modified to resemble a purple octopus with only four tentacles. Asuka and Shinji had spent a good fifteen minutes commending the costume, expressing that they couldn't wait to get a picture with Makoto the mindflayer once the ceremony was done.

Among the other guests there were knights, wizards, druids, skeletons, air and earth elementals… only Ritsuko was attending with normal clothes, since she had found a loophole in Asuka's guidelines. Her "costume" consisted of a bag of dice and a book with a dragon on the cover.

She was the Dungeon Master.

Next to the altar, which had been decorated with elven runes; Shinji waited, dressed in the golden and blue robes of a sorcerer. A long tapestry hung from the ceiling, over his head. The tales of heroes and gods were woven among its strands.

Totally not bought on the Internet for five thousand yen.

"Nervous?" Kyoko asked.

"Yeah," Shinji answered, still wondering how the woman had managed to comb her hair into a nest of red snakes.

"Don't worry, it's normal," she smoothened some creases that had appeared in his robes. "Look at you… You've grown into such a handsome young man!"

Although he tried to fight it back, Shinji's cheeks turned red. It seemed that his fate was to blush helplessly in the presence of any Sohryu woman.

"Thanks, Miss K–"

Frowning, Kyoko de medusa wagged a finger in front of his face.

"No, no, no," she said. "No more of that. Starting today, you have to call me 'mother.'"

"Uh… Okay. Thanks… Mama Kyoko."

"Good boy!"

Shinji's attention returned to the door, his heart pounding with barely contained excitement. Any moment now, she would appear. The wait became harder for him as the seconds passed. Shinji wanted oh so desperately to see Asuka, to see her red hair, her blue eyes, and to hear her voice–

"YOU ABSOLUTE BITCH!"

Misato's shouting thundered from somewhere outside. Her words reverberated through the walls of the wedding hall, and most likely through the whole building. In Kaji's arms, Hayami opened her eyes, awakened by the voice of her mother.

"Beech!" she exclaimed, quite happily. "Beech! Beech! Beech!"

"Oh, dear…" her worried father sighed.

All the other guests turned their heads towards the entrance. It didn't take long for the bride and her escort to appear. Misato, sporting a very unfriendly scowl, was dressed in leather armor. Some pieces of cardboard had been glued to the chest area and to the right shoulder, colored grey so that they looked like metal plaques. A prop sword hung from her belt, and a round, plastic shield toy rested on her back.

Asuka, meanwhile, was wearing a white dress.

No pointy ears, no colorful capes, no belts with potions or weapons, no tattoos or makeup other than red lipstick, no armor, no… nothing. It was a perfectly normal wedding dress, whiter than Adam's luminous skin. The wide skirt reached the floor, completely hiding her legs and feet. Long gloves covered her arms, from the fingertips to right before the shoulders. Her hair had been combed in a bun, kept in place by two silvery pins. She held a bouquet of pink and red roses in her hands, while also sporting one of the smuggest smiles ever witnessed on the country, and perhaps on the planet.

"WHAT THE HELL, SOHRYU?" Touji yelled, waving his dwarven plastic axe in anger; and that question won him the honor of being the first person flipped off by the proud bride.

Some of the guests joined in the complaints, although most of them simple shook their heads or rolled their eyes in exasperation. Or both.

"Why am I not surprised?"

"I knew she would do something like this…"

"I didn't know 'bride' was D&D class."

"To be fair, she looks great in that dress."

"Beech!"

"WHAT?! Ryoji! What are you teaching our daughter?"

"Oh, dear…"

Kyoko and Shinji were the only ones seemingly not bothered by that. The former almost cried of joy as she watched her girl dressed in white. The groom smiled and made a hand signal to Aoba. The band of orcs began playing 'Here Comes the Bride.'

"I'll get you for this, somehow," Misato muttered, walking Asuka down the aisle. "Making all of us wear these ridiculous costumes, while you…"

"Come on, Misato," Asuka giggled impishly. "A girl only has one first wedding. Did you really think that I would miss the chance to wear a white dress? Besides, you know the tradition: no guest shall upstage the bride."

"You always loved being the center of attention, didn't you? And here I thought you had grown up."

"I have, but old habits die hard."

They soon reached the altar. After hugging and congratulating the young couple, Misato and Kyoko walked down and sat on the first rows.

"Well?" Asuka asked Shinji, in a whisper. "How do I look?"

"Beautiful. No… You look breathtaking."

"You dummy," she raised her bouquet to her face, trying to hide her blush. She eyed Shinji's costume, then looked at her dress, and added, with guilt in her voice: "Are you mad at me?"

"No."

"Oh?" she blinked in surprise. "So you don't want to look handsome in a fancy black suit?"

He leaned in closer.

"Can I be honest with you? I hate suits. So stuffy and uncomfortable. These robes are much better," he gave a side glance to the attendants. "I think some of our guests are angry with your stunt, though."

"Don't worry. I'm wearing a barbarian costume under this dress, so technically I'm not breaking the rules. I'll reveal it later," she leaned in closer. "But only you will get to play with it later."

And she winked, causing Shinji to almost choke on his own saliva while his cheeks turned red like traffic lights.

After sharing a laugh, they both turned to face the altar, and the person who would officiate the ceremony.

Rei had let her hair grow for the occasion. Now it reached way past her shoulders, and she had combed it in such a way that the blue locks resembled a stream of clean water running down a mountain. She wore white robes, and she had sown holy symbols into the silk, to make it look clerical. In her right hand she held a blue rod.

"Are you ready?" she asked.

They nodded.

"Very well," Rei extended her arms, and raised her voice so that her words would reach everyone in the room. "Welcome, friends and weary travelers. We are gathered here today, under the watchful eyes of all the good-aligned gods, from the lawful to the chaotic, to send these two adventurers off into the greatest quest of their lives. Now, if anyone has any objections, speak your piece now or forever hold your peace."

She stood on her toes, staring at the guests over Asuka's shoulder. Several gulps were heard coming from the back rows. Rei's eyes made it very clear that, despite what she had just said, whoever dared to interrupt the ceremony would not abandon the place alive.

"Good. Let's continue, then."

Rei made a gesture to the couple. Groom and bride turned to look at each other.

"Do you, Asuka Langley Sohryu, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, to love and to honor, for richer or poorer, 'til death does you apart?"

Asuka's smile grew wide. Holding the bouquet close to her chest, her eyes sparkling and her cheeks rosy; she answered:

"No."

A collective gasp erupted from the seats. The guests exchanged stares of horror and confusion. Even Rei was surprised by that turn of events, so much that she barely reacted when the bride gave her the bouquet.

Not breaking eye contact with him at any moment, Asuka took Shinji's hands.

"Remember when we first met?" she asked. "I was a complete mess back then. Terrified of being alone, but also scared that others would hurt me and abandon me. I focused on being the best Eva pilot in the world, believing that it would solve all my problems," she snickered at herself. "What a foolish little girl I was. But then again, what teenager isn't? And, because I was so obsessed with Eva, I hated you."

She squeezed his hands, and he returned it.

"Or I thought that I wanted to hate you," Asuka continued. "First, because I saw you as a threat to my greatness. Second, because you had everything I wanted: a high synch ratio with barely any training, constant praise, more solo Angel kills than anyone else on the planet… and yet you constantly acted miserable. It pissed me off. Your lack of self-love, your meekness and your general stupidity got on my nerves."

Asuka took a deep breath.

"But then, I started noticing all the good qualities you had. Your kindness. That bravery and determination hidden deep beneath all the self-loathing. Your infinite patience with someone like me, and considering that I was a total bitch to you sometimes, that's no small feat."

Gently, she guided his hands close to her chest, where the flowers had been just a moment ago.

"As we talked more and more, as I learned new things about you; I learned about myself as well. I realized that Asuka is much more than just the Second Child, and that I don't need the Evas to be looked at. To be loved. You, Shinji Ikari, helped me become a better person. One that doesn't push people away anymore, one that doesn't cause pain to others as well as to herself. These years we've spent together have been the happiest of my life, even with the occasional bickerings and the disagreements."

She pulled him closer, until their foreheads touched. Looking deep into his eyes, Asuka smirked as only she knew how to do.

"So, do you think that I'll stop loving you for something as little as death? Fat chance, Third. You're not getting rid of me that easily. I don't want to be your wife if it's only going to be 'until death do us part.' When my time comes, wherever the Grim Reaper takes me; I'll love you as much as I do here and now."

Asuka stepped back. Sobs could be heard coming from the guests. Ritsuko had borrowed one of Maya's tissues, in spite of herself.

Shinji smiled.

"You took the words right off my mouth," he said. "I too was a complete mess, back in those days. For years I had convinced myself that I was unloved, that nobody could ever love me, not even myself. I was so scared of pain that I did nothing but run away, and when I wasn't running away I was doing whatever others told me, desperate for praise. Then, one day, you came into my life, over a rainbow."

"Oh mein Gott; you're so corny," Asuka snorted.

"You were the most beautiful girl I had ever seen, and…" Shinji held her stare for a few seconds, and shrugged sheepishly. "And I wish I could say that I felt more than just physical attraction since day one; but I don't think I can."

"And I don't blame you," she chuckled. "Our first meeting was quite a slap in the face, wasn't it? For you especially."

"Also, you were a total bitch sometimes."

"Don't push your luck."

"Your words, not mine."

She stuck her tongue at him.

"At the same time," Shinji continued, "You were everything I wish I could be: strong, lively, determined, smart… Soon, I realized that there was more to you than just the screams and the tantrums. I saw a girl under all that, one that seemed hurt and lonely, just like I was; and I wished to know her better. Maybe I hoped that, in learning more about the real Asuka, I would learn about myself as well, and I did."

He caressed her gloved hands with his thumbs.

"You too helped me become a better person. You made me see that I am loved, and you taught me to stop running away. Despite all the hardships we had to face, I wouldn't trade these last years for anything. I don't want to be your husband just until death; but forever. Whatever awaits us at the other side, eternity or nothing, I'll always love you as I do right now."

They took two matching rings out of their pockets. Asuka talked first, sliding hers on Shinji's finger:

"Do you, Shinji Ikari, take me, Asuka Langley Sohryu, to be your lawfully wedded wife…"

And he followed:

"Do you, Asuka Langley Sohryu, take me, Shinji Ikari, to be your lawfully wedded husband…"

"…to have and to hold…"

"…in sickness and in health…"

"…in good times and woe…"

"…in natural twenties and critical misses…" Shinji began to slide his ring on her finger.

"…in the slopes of Mount Celestia and in the Nine Hells of Baator…"

"…against balors and against pit fiends…"

"…against aboleths and against dragons…"

"…forever?" they said that last word in perfect synchronization.

The whole room held its breath.

"I do," once again, in unison.

The silence was broken by a thunderous applause. With Hikari hugged to his arm, a smiling Touji found himself using his fake beard to wipe his own tears, hoping that nobody would notice.

"What a pair of nerds," he mumbled.

Asuka heard some whimpers next to her.

"Rei, are you crying?"

"No," Ayanami answered, between sniffles. "I just got a vorpal sword stuck in my eye."

The mistress of the ceremony swallowed the last tears and regained her composure, although she could not dispel the smile on her lips or the joyful blush on her cheeks.

"Let's continue, then," Rei declared. "By the power invested in me by the Big Dungeon Master In The Sky, I pronounce you husband and wife. Here are your character sheets."

And she gave them two plasticized sheets of paper.

"You may now kiss the–"

"Hold on, Wondergirl. I want to do something first."

Asuka introduced her hand in a well-disguised pocket of her dress, and took something out. She extended her palm, showing it to Shinji.

A familiar, red twenty-sided die. Some of the numbers were slightly faded, and a few corners had been eroded due to excessive use. Still, the groom's eyes widened like saucers, because he recognized it. It was the same die from their first game together, that afternoon so long ago.

The first stepping stone of their road to happiness.

"What do you say?" she asked. "One more roll, for old time's sake?"

"I'd love to, Asuka."

"Very well. Roll Dexterity to kiss the bride."

Shinji chuckled.

"You mean 'roll Charisma,' Asuka."

The room was swept by a dead silence. The guest felt the temperature descending a few degrees. Those in the first rows noticed one of the bride's eyes twitching, ever so slightly.

"No, Shinji. Dexterity," she insisted. "It's a movement, dummy. You have to lean forward in the right angle, put your arms in the right places and lock your lips the right way."

"Yes, it's a movement," the groom replied, "but something so small doesn't require dexterity."

"By definition, all movements require dexterity."

"If we followed that logic, I'd had to make you roll every time you walked."

Asuka scowled and let out an audible grumble. In the first row, next to her husband and holding little Hayami in her arms; Misato rolled her eyes.

"And here we go again…"

"Will you stop being stubborn?" the not-so-happy bride continued. "Think, Shinji! Picking a lock is also a small movement, and yet you roll Dexterity for that!"

"That comparison makes no sense!" he was losing his cool, as well. "Besides, if Seduction is based on Charisma, then kisses should be, too!"

"Oh, for the love of–" Asuka threw both the die and her character sheet to the ground, and then she grabbed Shinji's sheet and shoved it in his face. "Look! Your character has a Dexterity of fourteen! The Charisma, however, is seven! Seven! Do you really want to risk botching the roll and not kissing your wife on your friggin' wedding day?"

"I won't botch it! I have a huge Charisma bonus!"

"Oh, yeah? And why is that?"

"Because I love you more than anything in the world!"

A chorus of 'Aaaaaaaawwww' resounded in the hall. Asuka's face acquired a shade of red usually reserved for tomatoes. Her lips quivered, not sure if they wanted to turn into a smile of joy or into a snarl of rage.

"You…" she said. "You… you stupid, corny, manipulative, adorable little son of a–ah, to Hell with it."

Asuka embraced Shinji. In fact, she pretty much pounced at him, and he almost lost his balance. She pressed her lips against his, and he responded immediately by surrounding her waist with his arms.

The whole room applauded again.

In the altar, at the couple's feet, the red twenty-sided die rested, his last job completed. Nobody cared to look at the result. As far as they were concerned, Asuka and Shinji had rolled a Natural 20.

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AUTHOR'S NOTES

This started as a sequel to Lucky Rolls, but I never finished the original version because I thought it wouldn't work. The main problem, I think, is that the mood was all over the place. There were flashbacks to sad moments immediately followed by happy and silly moments in the present… it was a mess. I felt that I was trying too hard and I didn't like it.

So, this story waited in my computer, incomplete and forgotten, until I found it the other day and I decided to adapt it for Bakas&Beholders. I just had to remove the flashbacks, change some dialogues, and presto!

Like everything else in B&B, it's up to you to decide how much canon this is.

I hope you've enjoyed it. Special thanks to the Asushin Discord for their help, especially to deathbringer374 for giving me the name of Misato and Kaji's daughter (Hayami means "rare beauty" I love it!) and to Akomis, who convinced me to rescue a good line which I had removed from the original script for some stupid reason.

Take care! See you next time!

EDIT: Shit, I forgot to add this... Guest, if you're reading this, to answer your question: Kaworu might appear in a few omakes, but not in the main story.

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Glossary of Weird D&D Words:

Tarrasque: One of the, if not the deadliest creature in the game. It's a heavily armored, horned lizard-like kaiju that slumbers for years and then wakes up to destroy everything in its path. This beast not only hits like a million trucks; but it's immune to fire, poison and disease. It's also heavily resistant to magic, to the point that some spells simply bounce off its carapace, sometimes right back to the caster.

Mount Celestia: One of the many afterlives in the Great Wheel Cosmology. It's the heaven for pure Lawful Good characters, situated between Arcadia (Lawful Neutral/Lawful Good) and Bytopia (Lawful Good/Neutral Good)

Balor: A type of demon. Similar in shape and size to the Balrog from Lord of the Rings, they're one of the heavy hitters of the Abyss.

Aboleth: A giant, three-eyed psychic fish. Much, much, much more dangerous than it sounds.

Vorpal sword: A weapon from the poem Through the Looking-Glass by Lewis Carroll. It was then turned into a powerful blade for Dungeons&Dragons.