Remember Me
This is a one-shot idea that's been rolling around in my head ever since I listened to "Remember Me" from Coco by Miguel, the Steener remix. I'm not sure why it made me think of a separated Draco and Hermione but it did. I hope it made you feel something!
...
Remember me
Though I have to say goodbye
Remember me
Don't let it make you cry
For even if I'm far away I hold you in my heart
I sing a secret song to you each night we are apart
...
Draco's heartbeat thudded heavily in his chest, his breath came in gulps as he sped through the castle. The smoke clouding his vision burned his eye and he felt them water. He shot a look to his right where he saw remnants of the mayhem. Hogwarts was in ruin. He couldn't think about that now, he had to get to Granger.
"She's over here!" A voice in the distance snagged Draco's attention and Blaise Zabini grabbed Draco's sleeve, yanking him towards the sound of the voice. The sudden change in direction caused Draco to stumble, his fingers grazed the rubble covered ground as he righted himself and followed the sound of the voice. 'Surely, 'she' is Granger,' he thought to himself. He could feel the cold creeping up his spine as he ran, a heavy, wet stone had lodged itself in his stomach, slowing him down.
Ahead, a small crowd had gathered in the dusty hallway, or what was left of it. The sun shown brightly in patches where holes had been made in the wall to the left of the crowd. Draco's brain was screaming at him to turn around, to flee. But no, he had to know. She wasn't in the Great Hall following the victory, she had to be in the castle. And judging by the state of that portion of the castle, it would make sense for Granger to be there. She would put herself in the worst of it. In the thick of it.
Draco and Blaise began shoving people aside in an effort to reach the center of the crowd. If Draco had taken a moment to look around, he would have seen the horror on the others' faces, he would have seen the tears streaming freely down Luna Lovegood's battered face, he would have seen Seamus Finnegan shaking his head and heard the murmured 'bloody hell', Draco would also have noticed Professor McGonagall, staring transfixed at the sight before her. But Draco didn't take the time to look at their faces. There was only one face he wanted to see, and that face belonged to the witch who lay on the ruined ground, hair strewn about, head lying in the lap of Ginny Weasley who was shaking with her sobs. The face he wanted to see belonged to his witch. His dead witch.
Draco stilled. He had gripped the arm of the person next to him to pull them away, so he could see better. But he could see enough. His Granger. His Hermione Granger. With her warm, caring eyes, her hair that smelled of lavender, with her open heart, her forgiving nature. His Granger, the one who held him as he his body racked from vomit from drinking too much, who had poured out the liquors and said 'enough, Draco.' His witch that had dragged him, fighting tooth and nail, to Dumbledore, who begged - begged, for Dumbledore's help on his behalf. The witch who was the reason he was fighting in the bloody war, with a white piece of cloth tied about his arm indicating which side he was on. His lovely, beautiful witch lie dead in front of him. A great, ugly gash with dark red blood covered her center, her hands were gripped at her middle, as if trying to keep the life in her. It was ironic she had died a muggle death.
Draco's body rocked, he leaned forward, almost took a step, but didn't. Blaise swore behind him, but he barely noticed, it sounded as though Blaise were hundreds of meters away. Draco wished he was hundreds of kilometers away.
"We must move her," The warbling voice of Professor McGonagall came from Draco's left, "she should be with the others." The others. The other fallen, she meant. The others dead as a result of this war. But Granger wasn't supposed to die. She's one of the heros.
"Wait." He spoke in a whisper, he swallowed and repeated himself louder this time. "Le - let... let me see - let me see her." Draco had to know if the witch who lay dead on the ground - her beautiful brown eyes so empty and cold - was indeed his witch. On some level, some subconscious level, deep inside him, where the remaining strings of his psyche were quickly snapping, he knew she was dead. But he couldn't accept that as reality yet. He wouldn't accept it. He needed to touch her. He took a halting step towards her, his leg felt it weighed a thousand kilos and he wasn't sure where the strength to move came from. Draco could feel himself crumbling away inside, he could taste bile in the back of his throat, his sweat covered body began to feel cold and he could feel himself trembling. Another step, his hand began reaching out.
"I... I need... to tou.." Words failed to form as Draco struggled forward, he felt Blaise's hand on his arm and began to tug it away without looking back, his foggy grey eyes never left her broken body.
Professor McGonagall peered at Draco through her broken and misted glasses, a target for her confusion stood in front of her, "Ms. Granger? What does she have to do with you, Mr. Malfoy?" Her voice was heavy with ire and suspicion. Draco lowered himself to his knees and reached out to graze his fingers against hers, "She's everything to do with me." His voice was barely a whisper and he wasn't sure anyone actually heard him, but no one stopped him, no one pulled him away as his slowly gripped her blood covered hand and leaned over her, "Granger?" He called to her, hoping she would answer, but no answer came. None came, because she was gone.
...
Remember me
Though I have to travel far
Remember me
Each time you hear a sad guitar
Know that I'm with you the only way that I can be
Until you're in my arms again
Remember me
Months passed. Rebuilding efforts were in full swing. Draco had wondered around the ruined remains of Hogwarts in a daze for weeks after the battle. He spent his days in surprising lucidity, his thoughts clear and focused on reparations. The quiet always brought the pain, the crippling despair would wrench at his heart with a chilling hand and agonizing ferocity. His breath would catch and come in heaps and he would find himself doubled over, clutching the wall, a stairwell railing, himself. The quiet brought memories. Memories of her gentle fingers running through his hair, nights spent reading together and discussing plans, plans for after the war. An after that would never happen. It was best to keep busy.
McGonagall was kind enough to allow Draco Malfoy to stay on at Hogwarts through the rebuilding and Draco was still surprised she agreed to his request.
The conversation had taken place on a walk to an area with great damage in need of assessment. Draco had quickly discovered he had a knack for repairing. The note of irony was not missed by him, he had spent so much of his life destroying, tearing others down, belittling, and enjoying it. It felt good to put things right, even if the feeling was hollow without her there by his side. It hurt to think of her name.
"Professor McGonagall, may I ask something of you?" McGonagall's steps never slowed but she cast Draco a shrewd look. Although, evidence came to light to support Draco's claims that he'd been secretly working for the Order, and very, very few had known, McGonagall still had her reservations.
"Ask away." She quipped shortly. Draco knew McGonagall didn't like him. He was well away he was a right prat who deserved every bit of disdain that poured out from her pinched lips to her lowered eyebrows.
"May.. may I stay on here?" A beat. "At Hogwarts, I mean.. May I stay on and assist with the repairs?" Now she stopped and faced Draco dead on.
"You wish to stay on the grounds? To... assist?" He nodded.
"Why, Mr. Malfoy? Surely, you have better things to do?"
Draco loathed explaining himself to people, but he wanted McGonagall to understand his intentions, "I haven't, actually." He shrugged one shoulder, looking away uncomfortably. "My parents are dead. My classmates - those who could tolerate me, anyway - have already left and are traveling around. I'm good at the repairs, I know what needs to be done. I'm sure you could use the help, too." He waited and watched the old witch in front of him, her eyes had narrowed at him, lips turning white from being pressed together so hard, "...and... and this way, I can be close to her." Ahh, there it is, McGonagall thought to herself. She had heard the strange rumors that along with Malloy's aid in the war efforts, he and Hermione Granger had begun a relationship. It was kept quiet, but it seemed the late Ms. Granger was an influential factor on the Malfoy boy's decision to defect from the dark side.
Hermione Granger's body had been lowered - too soon for her time - into a grave on the far side of the great lake. A small graveyard had been arranged for the bodies of the fallen. Many of the family members of the fallen, felt the individuals would best rest in peace on the grounds of the school they fought at.
Draco Malfoy's adam apple bobbed up and down as he waited for McGonagall's answer, his wand finger began tapping in his pocket and he could feel his skin beginning to crawl under her astute stare.
"Yes. You may stay." Professor McGonagall's face softened a bit, and Draco figured it was due to his admission about wanting to be close to Granger, alive or no. He wasn't ready to say goodbye. How could he be? They had only just begun.
...
May our song not stop beating
Only with your love I can exist Remember me
May our song not stop beating
Only with your love I can exist Remember me
If I live in your mind
Remember me
My dreams i give you
I carry you in my heart and I will accompany you
United in our song
I'll be with you Remember me
If you only think you are
Remember me
And my singing will hug you
Even in the distance you will never forget That I always go with you
Remember me
So, Draco stayed on at Hogwarts. He and McGonagall found themselves unlikely members of the same team. He supposed it was a bit ironic. The leading force of the school partnering with an insignificant member who tried to see its destruction. She set the location for repairs for the week and Draco scoped the locations to assess the damage to determine the necessary aid needed for the damaged area. Draco, then either set to the repairs himself or designated workers and oversaw the work being done. The days were long and hard, but Draco liked them that way. At the end of the day he would shower quickly then find his way to his bed. Some days he was asleep before his head hit the pillow. The less awake time he spent alone and unoccupied, the better. Some mornings he would begin to wake and drift between that excruciating world between slumber and consciousness. Where the lines were blurred and everything had a soft glow around it's edges. It was here he could sense her. He would cling to those brief moments when the scent of her shampoo would pass under his nose, where the softness of her body would be pressed against him as they slept, where her cool and gentle fingers would caress the stress lines on his face until he relaxed. The reality of the day would soon catch up, sharp smells and sounds always interrupted his mornings with her. Sometimes, after waking, he'd find his face wet, or see salty tracks on his face in the mirror. He could taste his sorrow on those days, it was thick, choking and caught in his throat. He'd clear away his hoarseness, take a moment to clear the fog away, to clear her memory away, then begin his day.
…
If you close your eyes and let the music play
Keep our love alive, I'll never fade away
If you close your eyes and let the music play
Keep our love alive, I'll never fade away
If you close your eyes and let the music play
Keep our love alive, I'll never fade away
Not many people knew but Hermione Granger loved music. She loved to sing and dance. In rare moments to herself, she used to find herself holed away in the Astronomy Tower, listening to music, moving her body across the ground in beat to the rhythm. Even less people knew about the musical rendezvous she and Draco Malfoy would have in the Astronomy Tower.
On days where Draco finished his work early, he would sometimes find his feet pulling him up the stairs of the Astronomy Tower. He hated going up there, but could never stop himself. Step after step as he would feel himself rising up, he'd feel his heart sinking, knowing she wouldn't be meeting him.
One day Harry Potter visited Hogwarts to check on the rebuilding efforts. He found himself going up the steep stairwell of the Astronomy Tower but stopped near the top as he heard indistinct sobs from the top. He felt the person up there must have wanted privacy, and he was pretty certian he knew who the person was. Draco Malfoy sat with his back against the stone, his arm and head propped up on his bent knee. His sobs were deep. Wrenching. Broken. His voice cracked and his body shuddered. Harry felt intrusive watching the young wizard grieve. He sat down next to him, and wordlessly placed a hand on his back. Draco's head snapped up, bloodshot peered back at Harry, tears and snot pouring out from Draco's face. Draco didn't pull away from Harry, he took a deep breath and wiped his face on his sleeve, "What do you want, Potter?" Harry and Draco, while not friends, per say, had reached a point of understanding. "I know you miss her," Harry said simply. Draco looked away and didn't reply.
"Do... you come here often?" Still no reply from Draco. Harry pressed on, "I know she used to come up here, to get away from things..."
Draco's tears had slowed, as did his breathing, but he opened his mouth, and spoke in a low voice, so low that Harry had to lean closer to hear him, "We used to meet up here. It's where it all started for us, really," Draco paused here, turning his face from the adjacent brick wall to one of the gaping windows through which a warm summer breeze was flowing through. "She was always listening to that ruddy muggle music of hers, having me listen to song after song. I couldn't stand most of it and never understood how she could. But I liked watching her dance," a small smirk grew on Draco's face and Harry felt a pang at a memory of Hermione's less than stellar dance moves, "she did it for the sake of moving. Feeling her body move about. She knew she wasn't great at it, but some how that made it better. I taught her some stuffy Pureblood dances here, too. And we found out the Waltz has wizarding origins."
This was the longest conversation Harry had ever had with Draco Malfoy and the strangeness of it wasn't loss on him.
"How often do you come here, Malfoy?" Harry waited on the reply, he was sure Malfoy was visiting the Tower more than was healthy to do so.
"All the time," Draco replied with a shrug of a shoulder, "I feel the closest to her here. One night, I thought I saw her ghost..." Harry cringed at that, "Malfoy, it's probably best if you stop coming up here so often. It's... it isn't going to bring her back."
"You don't understand Potter. I know it isn't going to bring her back. But... but I... I need to be near her. I... miss her." Harry took a deep breath and sighed, removing his glasses and rubbing a hand along his tired face.
Draco continued, "this is the first place we ever held a real conversation. The first place we shared a meal together," he huffed a sad laugh, "first place we kissed, first place we made..." His voice trailed off and the unspoken love hung in the air around them. Harry glanced away awkwardly. He knew Hermione and Draco had been intimate, but had never pressed for details. Draco's casual admission of their involvement was unsettling for Harry. Draco's blond head leaned back against the wall, taking a deep breath he said, "I'm not ready to let her go. Not sure I'll ever be ready." There was a part of Harry that understood. There were ghost in his past he pleaded to stay with him, even after all this time. Harry nodded, gave Draco one last pat on his shoulder, "If you ever need anything Draco, just let me know. I'm... I'm here for you." Then Harry Potter left Draco Malfoy to his palpable grief. The air was thick and humid with Draco's sorrow and the memories floating around in the Astronomy Tower.
Draco often woke in a cold sweat. He often saw Hermione's dead eyes staring blankly ahead, never meeting his gaze. His dreams were never comforting Hermione. Always haunted and cold Hermione. Draco hated that Hermione. Wiping the sweat from his brow, he checked the time, just passed midnight. Draco climbed out of bed, dressed, and headed to their spot. He reasoned the happy memories of their time in the Astronomy Tower would help drive away the desolation of his dreams.
Settling himself against the brick wall where he always sat, Draco stared at the night sky. Millions of stars twinkled, the beauty of them was not lost on the young wizard, but he couldn't bring himself to truly admire them. He closed his eyes and pictured her, dancing and moving in front of him. He recalled the way she'd run over and grab his hand, yanking him up to dance beside her. He didn't often, so he'd stand by her, smirk ever present, watching while she laughed and wiggled around. He'd catch her about the waist eventually, he always did. And finally, finally her body would be still, they'd touch noses, then kiss sweetly. Those were his favorite moments, when she was so unabashedly herself around him and he forgot himself around her. He loved her. And she loved him. The ache in his chest was back and he rubbed the spot with no relief.
"Draco..."
Remember me
For I will soon be gone
Remember me
And let the love we have live on
Draco's eyes snapped open and his breath caught in his throat. He felt like vomiting. He felt like shouting. It couldn't be. Yet, here she was, all bright and beautiful. Her chaotic curls were heaped around her face as she leaned in to be close to him.
"Granger?!" He gasped.
"Yes, it's me Draco. Well, sort of." His eyes roamed her quickly, taking in her form, her hazy form. Her form that resembled the one he knew so well, yet this one showed the lining of the window behind her, this form was hovering slightly above the ground. "You're a ghost?"
"Yes," Hermione spoke with a small, sad smile on her lovely face, "and no." Merlin he missed that face. His fingers were itching to touch her, but he was scared they would go right through. He felt his galloping heart in his throat and wondered if it were possible for one's heart to leave one's body in times of fright, he also wondered if he had gone mad.
"I don't haunt Hogwarts, Draco."
"Where then? Where do you haunt? I'll go there." He must keep her talking, he wanted to soak up every syllable that fell from her mouth.
"No, Draco, you misunderstand. I don't haunt anywhere. I am only here tonight. To see you. To... to say goodbye." Hermione's ghostly eyes held every ounce of love and warmth they'd ever held and Draco could feel himself drowning in them.
"Say goodbye? What do you mean?"
"I know you come here often Draco, and I love you for it. I loved this place so much. Doubly so, once we began meeting here." Her gaze turned forlorn as she looked around the Astronomy Tower and Draco marveled at the way her hair moved across her shoulders and tumbled nearer to him.
"That... that's why I come. I can feel you here. I miss you a little less here." Heart still thudding, Draco scooted his body a little closer to Hermione's ghostly form. She watched him curiously. "I know you've been helping McGonagall with rebuilding and I'm so proud of you Draco." Draco's heart swelled inside him, pride was growing, but he didn't think his throat could take the increase in his heart's size. He swallowed thickly. "She's been rather helpful to me. But I don't want to talk about her. How are you here? What are you doing here?"
"Draco," Hermione settled herself across from Draco with her legs folded. Her tone was serious, every bit the Hermione he knew, "I am here because I know you visit here. It's been months though, love... It's time to let go."
"Let go?" Draco spat harsher than he intended, he didn't want to be harsh to her tonight. Not tonight. "How can I? Granger, I.. I miss you."
"Oh, oh, I miss you, too, Draco." Hermione's breathy reply did nothing to soothe the pain in his breaking heart. She laid a hand over her own. "I didn't want to leave so soon. McNair-"
"Don't mention him! Don't you dare say his name!" Draco's temperature was rising, he was helpless to do anything for his witch and could see her lying dead in front of him, even as he saw her mobile form in front of him now. "Shh, Draco. Breathe. It's alright." The vision faded. His breathing slowed as she calmed him, she could always calm him. "Why aren't you haunting Hogwarts?" He questioned, to get his mind off of her murderer.
"I've no need to." Her answer was simple and uncomplicated and Draco's heart panged that he wasn't enough to cause her to stay around. Silvery tears filled Hermione's eyes, "I lived, you see. I lived my life to the fullest." Her breath caught and she held a hand to her mouth as a cry slipped through, "I had... I had adventures. I was a beloved daughter. I made lasting friendships that altered the course of the wizarding world," she continued, crying all the more, "and... and I found love." Her smile was radiant through her tears, "I found love in a brilliant partner who loved me as much as I loved him." Draco's eyes shuttered close and he breathed deeply to maintain some semblance of control, he was spiraling and trying to hang on to the shred of happiness in front of him. Because that's what she was to him, his happiness.
"I was young, yes, but I have lived and lived. So when I..." her voice trailed off here and Draco opened his eyes again, drinking her in and berating himself for keeping his eyes shut for so long, "when I died, I realized I didn't have to stay. I could go on, accept this path, because I had completed so much in my life already." She moved gracefully closer to him.
"Can I touch you?" His voice was a croak and here, she shut her eyes, tears ever streaming. "I don't think so."
He knew he couldn't touch her, but Oh! How he wanted to. He wanted to bury his face in the crook of her neck, against her soft curls. He wanted to wrap her in his arms and hold her warm and firm against him. The itch in his fingers had become an ache to stroke her face and wipe away her glistening tears. It was then that his tears came, thick and hot. They burned his face as they slid down and the salt they brought forth was swallowed, then his throat burned, too.
"You can't keep doing this to yourself, Draco. It isn't good for you." Her hand shot out towards his face before she caught herself and slowly pulled her hand back.
He snorted slightly, "I'm not saying goodbye to you. I won't ever." He reached a hand out anyway, he knew what would happen but he didn't care. His hand rose up to cup her face as he had done countless times before. She leaned her face into his hand and he felt a cool mist overcome his fingers and palm, so unlike the warmth that he was used to. "I just want you back." He heaved a breath and moved closer to her, their knees were touching now, or rather his knee was invading the space she occupied and he could feel the cool mist there, too.
"Draco, love. It's time to let me go. We... we had our time -"
"Bullshit. We had barely begun and you... you were stolen from me!" She nodded sadly, "yes I was. But our time together was beautiful."
"It wasn't enough. We had plans, Granger! So many plans and now... I... I have nothing." His hands shot out around him, gesturing vaguely.
"You have a fresh start, Draco. You can and you will do so much. I want you to live more Draco. You get to be here, still. So live. Go out and have a thousand adventures. Meet new people. Break down walls and shatter the status quo. Fall in love, again." Her voice trailed off here and he looked at her, "Again? How could I, when I'm still in love with you, Granger."
A small smile. "You can and you will."
"No." shaking his head he pulled away from her. "You must, Draco. You deserve to be happy."
"I was happy! Happy with you! I was actually happy!" His voice hitched and caught, he roughly wiped his face clear and glared at her, "I just want you back, Granger! Just... come back. Just come back to me!"
"You know I can't do that, Draco." A shake of her head and her smile disappeared.
"We'll figure something out, there are ways, you know. We can bring you back!"
"No, Draco! That isn't why I'm here. I came to say goodbye and I'll admit I'm not doing very well. But I can't come back. I wouldn't put you through that." Her voice faded and Draco noticed her silhouette seemed more see through now, the longer they talked.
Panic began to rise in him, "Please. Don't leave me." Hands shaking and body covered in a cold sweat, Draco rose himself up. Hermione rose too, lifting herself a bit higher than she would normally have stood.
"I have to go Draco. I've been here too long already." She lifted a cool hand to his face and placed it to his cheek. The cool mist graced him again and this time, he embraced it.
"I'm not ready, Hermione. Please, I don't want this. I don't want this life without you." His pleading was growing and he didn't care how pathetic he sounded. His world was in front of him, fading away as the seconds ticked by.
"Oh Draco, there is so much more to live for than me-"
"No, no," he choked, shaking his head, "not for me there isn't. Please. Stay. Come back again."
"Draco, it's time. But I have something to ask of you-" He interrupted her again, "No, Granger. Just stop."
"I ask that you remember me. I am with you always, right here," placing a cool hand on his chest as he begged unseen forces to let her stay. His body trembled with restraint to not fall to pieces right there. "Remember our times up here, our talks, remember our plans and goals and reach them. I want you to find happiness Draco, wherever that may be. And until you're in my arms again on this side of things, remember me, my love." She placed a cold kiss to his trembling lips and he kissed the cold mist back, searching for some solidarity and warmth and finding none.
She began pulling away then. Fading ever more as she did. She rose to the window even as his pleas resonated around them.
"Stay! Please! Granger, please stay! I need you! Please, I am nothing without you!" He gripped the window, stone biting into his fingers and his nails biting back.
"Remember me, Draco. And know, I will always be with you." Her voice was brittle and quiet, fading, fading, fading.
"HERMIONE, PLEASE!" He sobbed openly now. "PLEASE," he begged. "Don't lea- leave me." Breath heaving, he pulled himself onto the window ledge, leaning out, "I love you, Hermione. I love you."
A small and sad smile graced her beautiful face once more, and he heard her whisper back, "I love you, too, Draco. Always." Draco stared at the star dusted sky where her figure had just been, "I love you." His declaration was heard by no one. He was alone again. And she was gone. Utterly and truly gone.
...
And know that I'm with you the only way that I can be
So until you're in my arms again
Remember me!