Warring Thoughts

I hate him.

No he didn't… they were brothers.

It isn't like I wanted to hate him— if that little brat didn't insist on antagonizing me, then—

Then what? They'd suddenly become best friends?

…We could be. Some days… some times we don't fight like this. Some days we were the only one each other had.

Never mind the fact that he has tons of other friends, and you have— wait, how many? That's right; zero.

I tried! For crying out loud, it wasn't my fault; it never was. Time and time again I reach out to him with brotherly affection, and what does he do? He spits in my face.

But it's your fault that you persist.

Of course I do! What would you have me do?

You could do what he asks you to and leave him alone.

…I can't do that.

And why not?

I… I love him too much.

Love him? But your "love" leads to hatred… wouldn't it be better to just distance yourself? It would hurt him less… it would hurt you less.

I… just can't. He's my little brother! He's… I have to protect him. I can't just leave, I have to stay here, so nothing truly bad ever happens to him…

How kind of you.

No, really! I… I know he doesn't see it that way. But I can't tell him, can't let him know… then I wouldn't be able to…

He hates you. Even if you told him he wouldn't believe you.

Heh. You're right, you know. Geez… how can he be so hard-hearted towards his older brother?

The same way you can be so cruel to him.

Hey, whose side are you on, anyway?

Besides, we both know he's not really as strong as he seems. He's just pretending, hiding his heart behind a wall of steel to keep himself from being hurt. You know this very well.

…

You know this because it's the same with you.

Then how come I'm the only one who hurts, huh? Nothing phases him, he never lets there be any chinks in his armor, while I drop my guard and let him at my heart almost every time we meet!

You don't know that.

Huh?

I told you; he's not as strong as he seems. What if you're not the only one who's hurting? He's just as human as you are, you know.

Heh. But I'm not human, and neither is he.

But you both are closer to being so than you'd like to admit.

…This is pointless. Why are we even discussing this?

Because you want things to change.

Wha… I never said that!

Please, you were practically screaming it. You either need to change the situation… or change your feelings. And you can't do the first without getting hurt, but you can't do the second without losing a vital part of yourself.

I… I don't want him to hate me anymore. And… I don't want to feel like I hate him… because I don't. I can't hate him, no matter how he treats me…

Then you have to talk to him.

But I—

You have to become vulnerable before things will get better. What's stopping you but your pride? That's all it is, really.

My… pride?

You've been hurt before. You've been hurt dozens of times; been hurt by him dozens of times. The real issue is your pride, isn't it? You can't let yourself give in to him, because that would wound your oh-so-precious ego.

O-of course not! That's not…

The more you deny it, the more you prove my point.

All right, fine, you're right. I'm too proud. That's why I can't give in; that's why I'll never give in, no matter how much I care for him.

Then things will never change…

To be honest? I find that more appealing then the alternative.

Very well. However, I will give you one last word. Please, just consider it. Because if you keep on down this path, you might lose everything.

Yeah, right.

…

Uh, hey, are you there?

…

Humph. Good riddance.