A/N - First of all, woah! The HUGE response from last chapter got me all kinds of emotional so thank you, thank you! I'm so glad everyone's enjoying it so far. Hopefully I can keep delivering on the laughs and all that good shit. Thank you again for the follows, favs and reviews. They really mean so much!
Chapter 2
"I cannot believe this."
Puck looks over at Santana muttering to herself as she stares at her phone and quirks his brow. She's shaking her head now as she scrolls and it makes Puck wonder.
"What is it?"
Santana's eyes widen at the screen before she's scrolling again. With the shake of her head, she continues to mutter.
"Like I cannot actually believe this is happening to me."
"What?" Puck tries again.
When Santana doesn't answer, he leans over the armrest separating them to take a peek at her screen, but she quickly yanks the phone to her chest.
Puck sits back a little and starts to smirk, "You getting nudes in class now or something?"
Several students seated around turn to stare at them – even Brittany. Santana can already feel the color starting to drain from her face as they stare. It's not the possibility that everyone will find out she's being sent risky pictures, because hello been there done that – but because this is way worse.
"Jesus, no!" Santana snaps, but her deer-caught-in-the-headlights expression doesn't help.
Brittany shakes her head before turning back to her work. The other students around them follow suit, but Puck's the only one that seems way more interested in whatever's going on with Santana than taking notes. He continues staring at her while she furiously taps at her screen.
"Can you stop? You're being weird," Santana grumbles as she side eyes him while she puts away her phone.
"Me?" Puck lets out a laugh in disbelief, "I'm being weird? You're the one talking to yourself."
Santana gives him a look but he doesn't waver. In fact, he scoffs at her attitude.
"Ever since you came back from your last trip home you've been all," Puck motions at her with his hand, "Which like, you're always a little on edge whenever you come back from a visit but it's lasting so much longer this time. Not to mention that you haven't had any of your late night visitors come around. Something's up."
Santana stays quiet though and turns to keep taking notes. Puck eyes her, trying to find a weak spot in her armor.
"I haven't seen Denise around," Puck ends up adding, "I figured after bringing her home with you that she'd have a least one more week before you're kicking her to the curb."
At the mention of Denise, Santana stiffens.
Puck notices and pushes further, "Shit. What happened? Did your mom like…walk in on you two…" Puck lifts his hands to gesture but Santana quickly swats them down.
"Will you just drop it?"
"I can't! Not when you're always huffing and puffing at your phone," Puck reasons, "Just tell me what's going on with you?"
"No way."
"Why not?"
"Because."
"Because why?
"Because it's too embarrassing."
"Now you definitely have to tell me!"
"No!"
Suddenly Brittany's turning around again, a flash of blonde hair whipping past, and a scowl on her face. Her piercing blue eyes cut her like ice as she glares.
"Can you both keep it down?" She scolds, "Some of us are trying to pay attention."
"Some of us are trying to pay attention," Santana mocks.
"Grow up," Brittany says with an eyeroll before turning around.
Santana only sticks her tongue out, but despite the reminder that they're still in the middle of class Puck is determined to get Santana talking. He's such a little shit like that when it comes to keeping secrets.
"Just tell me," He insists in a hushed tone, "I told you about that one time I nearly burned my dick off using your fancy shaving cream."
"Yeah, I didn't ask for that," Santana replies bluntly, "I remember specifically saying that I didn't want to know."
"But that's an embarrassing moment, so now you have to tell me yours."
"That's not how it works," Santana says.
Just then, her phone lights up on her desk. She glances to it as Puck does the same. She knows what's about to happen, but she shifts her stare to Puck hoping that he's smarter than that.
Of course, he's not and soon they're both lunging for her phone.
Santana's closer so she gets a hand on it first, but so does Puck and he tries valiantly to muscle her out of the way. It's a lost cause trying to beat him but what she lacks in brawn she makes up for in brain. She's quick to pinch him right under the bicep and Puck instantly pulls back.
"Ow! Fuck!" He groans.
Santana only smirks, "Don't touch my shit."
His face is still screwed up in pain as he rubs the spot while Santana slips her phone safely in her bag.
"That was dirty," Puck tells her.
Santana just shrugs, "Would you expect anything less of me?"
Puck starts to grin, "Guess not."
"Okay then," She smirks and nods to the front of the lecture hall, "Now leave me alone. I'm trying to listen."
And Puck does as he's told – for a solid five seconds.
"Come on," Puck pleads, "This is just a review. You don't even need to listen."
Santana sighs, "You're not going to drop this?"
"No."
"Fine," Santana leans closer to Puck and whispers, "Swear you'll never repeat this."
Puck's eyes widen like he's just hit the jackpot, "I swear."
"Okay," Santana closes her eyes and settles her racing heart, "My mom is setting me up on blind dates because she's tired of the kind of girls I bring home."
Puck sits back and blinks, "Wait. What?"
"Yeah," Santana says dejectedly as she goes back to writing, "It's the same shit. She doesn't think I take my future with her at the firm seriously because of my so-called reputation with women so now she's taking over like she always does and trying to set me up with the perfect person. God, she makes it sound like I'm some sleezy player, but I'm respectful!"
"Now that's hilarious," Brittany comments just loud enough for Santana to hear.
Santana doesn't pay her any mind though and looks back at Puck, "I've wine and dined every woman I've been with, you know that. I've opened every door, paid every tab, I even make sure they come first!"
"Totally, yeah."
Santana slumps in her chair and thinks aloud, "I can't help that I'm attractive, that's what I told her. What's so wrong about keeping my options open, right? What's the point of being young and in college if she already wants me to settle down with someone already? It's crazy and it's ridiculous!"
Puck stays quiet for a moment longer like he's still trying to grasp the concept, but only one question begs to be asked.
"Are they at least hot blind dates?"
Santana looks to him unamused, but she can tell he's being completely serious and he's so used to her judgment that it doesn't usually phase him anymore anyway. So she sighs again and shrugs.
"I mean, yeah but that's besides the point," Santana answers honestly.
"Looks are important," Puck assures her.
"Obviously, but I'm not that shallow," Santana waves him off.
Puck shakes his head in disbelief, "So Mama Lopez has you going on blind dates..."
"Technically she's only set me up on one blind date but she keeps sending through these potential romance partners," Santana replies, "She has them formatted like a damn resume with a picture and bio, likes and dislikes, future plans. Every one of them has professional goals and despite them being relatively hot, they're boring as hell!"
Puck starts to giggle as Santana shows him an example which earns him a punch in the arm.
"This is no laughing matter, Puckerman," Santana says, "This is serious shit! I wouldn't be surprised if she signs me up for The Bachelorette or something. This really is a new low for me."
Puck looks back at her with a brow raised, "Oh no, my mom is setting me up on dates with beautiful and successful women. My life is so hard."
"See that right there," Santana points a finger at him, "That's why I didn't tell you in the first place."
"Come on," Puck jokes, "I can kind of see why she's stepping in. Your dating history is on the same level as mine and that's not a good thing."
"Why?" Santana cocks her head to the side, "Because you're a guy?"
"I – well…"
"Exactly," Santana huffs, "I'm tired of the insane double standards. I like to date, so what? Doesn't give her an excuse to meddle in my love life."
"More like lust life."
Santana gives him a look, "What's that supposed to mean?"
"Don't get your panties in a twist," Puck brushes off, "I'm just pointing out the obvious. You don't do commitments and you don't do long term. You're there for the fun parts and then as soon as they get attached, you break it off. It's text book Lopez."
Santana hates how see-through she feels and crosses her arms over her chest in defiance.
"You're one to talk. When was your last relationship?"
"You know the answer to that," Puck says with an unexpected seriousness in his tone.
Santana grits her teeth and looks away, "Point is I don't need her setting me up. I like my life the way that it is."
"She's doing the work for you though," Puck reasons, "Don't you think you're being a little dramatic here?"
"Of course not!"
Suddenly Brittany's turning around again, "You two are unbelievable."
"Sorry Britt," Puck apologizes and taps his paper, "I'm all ears now."
Santana doesn't have anything witty to say in return though, because now she's finally letting the gravity of the situation she's gotten herself into weight down on her. Since returning home, she's been brushing this whole blind date thing off but now that she's talked about it aloud it's like the veil of ignorant bliss has been lifted.
She really is in deep shit.
There's only so many times she can try to evade Maribel's attempts before she's being ambushed – hell, it's already happened once before! Her mother's never been one to back down easily, so Santana doesn't see the end coming anytime soon, not until Santana has a proper suiter by her side.
"I have to figure a way out of this," She says suddenly before turning to Puck. "She's already set me up on another date when I come home for winter break."
"Damn, Mama Lopez works quick."
Santana reached over and grabs his wrist. Her grip is so tight that Puck winces.
"Ow! What the hell?"
"You've got to help me," Santana tells him, "What if I'm stuck going on boring dates for the rest of my life?"
Puck laughs as he pries her fingers off, "Why don't you just date one of the girls you bring home for longer than a couple weeks?"
Santana shakes her head, "I can't do that. Have you seen these women my mom has picked out? The Art Majors I've taken home can't compete with that!"
"Well then I guess I can offer my services."
Santana rolls her eyes, "One: that ship sailed a long ass time ago. Two: no one would believe it. Three: I need someone that's actually impressive."
"Rude," Puck puffs out his chest, "I'm impressive. Check out these guns."
Santana shakes her head as he starts to flex.
"You okay back there, Noah?" Professor Martinez asks, "You forget you're not at football practice again?"
Puck instantly stops, "My B, Prof Martinez!"
While they get back to focusing on class, Santana's gears are still turning, trying to come up with a solution to this mess.
\\
After another few days of dealing with Maribel playing matchmaker, Santana's had enough.
She and Puck are home trying to wind down after their long day of school and practice. Puck's in the middle of ordering way too much pizza while Santana's in the kitchen already halfway through her second glass of wine. She's mindlessly scrolling through her phone when a text from Maribel comes through.
"This woman doesn't quit," Santana laughs as she joins Puck on the couch, "Check this one out."
Puck leans over and reads, "Likes quiet nights at home, reading and horseback riding."
"She's a horse girl," Santana states, "My mother has recommended I date a horse girl."
"She's the hottest horse girl I've ever seen," Puck compliments, "And hey, at least she'd know how to ri– "
"Don't even," Santana stops him.
"What?" Puck snickers, "Let me see the next one."
Santana sighs but shows him anyway. They go through a couple duds before settling on another pretty blonde that sparks both of their attentions.
"This one's in culinary school," Santana says, "Not really a career path mom would've included in here but maybe she's an heir to the throne or something."
"Which throne?"
"Who knows," Santana shrugs.
"Dating a chef would be cool. You'd always eat good," Puck starts to smirk, "You see what I did there?"
Santana looks unimpressed, "Stevie Wonder could see that coming."
Puck brushes her off as he takes a sip of his beer.
"You're mean when you haven't been laid," He frowns.
\\
Once the pizza comes, they lay out the boxes on the coffee table and camp out around it while they continue drinking. Puck has something random on tv but it's so lame that it starts to be hilarious – or maybe that's the alcohol talking. They go between watching the screen and scrolling through more of the profiles Maribel sends through.
"I don't even reply to these things anymore," Santana giggles.
"You're leaving Mama Lopez on read?" Puck asks with his eyes all glassy, "Damn. That's cold. Even your own mom gets the Lady Killer Lopez treatment."
"That's not a thing," Santana laughs, "Besides, I reply to her just not when she's trying to set me up with a future wife."
Puck shakes his head, "How you gonna ghost her when you go home in a few weeks?"
"Maybe I'll skip going home?"
"Bullshit," Puck jokes, "Your mom would kick your ass then she'd kick mine for not locking you out of the apartment."
"You right," Santana chuckles, "I guess I'll just figure it out when I get there."
\\
After a few more slices of pizza and more drinking, Puck gets an idea.
"What if you tell her you already have a girlfriend?"
Santana starts to giggle, "And who would this girlfriend be?"
"I don't know," Puck shrugs, "She's made up!"
"Made up? That's the worst idea ever."
"She can't send you pics of hot chicks anymore if you've got one though?"
"But I don't have one," Santana reasons.
"So lie."
Santana quirks her brow, "You want me to lie to Maribel Lopez?"
Puck raises his beer, "Got a better idea?"
Santana thinks about that for a moment but everything's kind of wine-soaked and cloudy.
"I guess not."
Puck grins, "Then this is the answer to all your problems! Tell her you have a girlfriend already!"
It's not one of her brightest moments in the world, but are any ideas bright after a bottle of wine? She just wants the constant texts about prospective suiters to stop and at this moment in time, Puck's a goddamn genius.
"Done," Santana says triumphantly and goes to send the text to Maribel.
"Liar," Puck laughs, "You didn't actually, right?"
"I sure fucking did," Santana nods and shows the screen to her best friend.
"Can't. Got a gf. It's pretty serious," Puck reads then falls on his back roaring with laughter.
"What?" Santana looks back at the text. The screen's a little blurry so she squints, "Did I spell something wrong?"
"I can't believe you actually sent that," Puck says. There's a brief moment of clarity where Santana regrets her decision but it's quickly interrupted by Puck adding, "You never listen to me!"
"Yeah, there's a reason for that…"
Santana looks back at the screen contemplating whether or not she should follow up with a jk or just leave it, but the alcohol is making her move slower than usual. By the time she decides, there's a next text from Maribel.
"Shit!" Santana throws the phone at Puck's chest, "You read it. I can't."
Puck sits back up and does his best impression of Maribel as he reads, "Lovely. Can't wait to meet her."
"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!"
"You're so screwed," Puck laughs, "What are you going to do?"
"Hell if I fucking know! This is your fault."
"Hey, I didn't send that message. You did."
"You know how I feel about peer pressure!" Santana argues, "Mama didn't raise no bitch."
"You're right, she raised a dumbass!"
"Fuck off!"
Puck laughs while Santana goes to stand and starts pacing but instead of straight lines, her path is curvy and she nearly trips over the leg of the coffee table.
"Sit your ass down. You're making me dizzy!"
"I'm making me dizzy," Santana snaps but slumps down on the coach. She tries to relax but her thoughts keep whirling, "Shit. What did I just do?"
Puck glances warily in her direction, "Okay. You're killing my buzz. You need to chill."
Santana shakes her head, "What I need is a hot and smart girlfriend who can put all these women my mom is trying to set me up with to shame now because apparently I have one of those!"
Puck raises a brow, "Where the hell you gonna find someone like that?"
Santana only shrugs as she downs the rest of her glass.
Puck nods, but something about Santana's comment gets him thinking.
\\
It takes about a week before Puck's finally ready to present Santana with his solution. He's like a giddy kid on Christmas morning as he leads Santana to a vacant study room one day before her cheer practice.
Santana grows even more curious as they walk by the smaller rooms available for booking and head down to the very end where the larger rooms are situated. She wouldn't say she trusts Puck's judgement because he's partly the reason why she's in this mess, but part of her really is curious about this big idea he has.
Or maybe the curiosity is actually desperation?
When they get to the last door, Puck pauses and turns to her.
"You ready?"
Santana gives him a curious look before shrugging, "I guess?"
Puck nods and swings open the door in a showy fashion.
There is a single table with two chairs set up on the near side of the room and Puck leads the way over, pulling the chair out for Santana so she can sit. She's looking around cautiously, trying to figure out what's going on here when Puck calls out.
"Okay ladies, you can come out now!"
"Huh?" Santana deadpans.
Suddenly, a side door opens and line of six women come sauntering out. Santana's looking at them, trying to figure out if she can recognize who they are. Instead, she finds them giving her flirty looks accompanied by brilliant smiles. Santana's momentarily starstruck by their beauty, but then she turns to Puck and remembers that she has no idea what's going on.
"What the hell is this?" She asks him.
"Well," Puck smirks as he takes the seat next to her, "These are the most eligible girls on campus that you can take home to impress your mom."
Santana's jaw drops, "Are you kidding me?"
"I'm so serious," Puck replies, "I listened to what you said the other night. You need hot, smart, and put together – someone who can put all the ones your mom suggests to shame. Well, look no further because here they are!"
"Why does everyone feel the need to ambush me with beautiful women?" Santana mumbles to herself before looking at Puck, "How did you find these people?"
"I've got my ways," Puck smirks, "They tick all the boxes – mostly – so you just have to pick one to be your girlfriend. Problem solved."
"Problem not solved," Santana says, "I don't want a girlfriend!"
"They know that," Puck replies, "They're all wannabe actors. They see this as an opportunity to go all Jared Leto."
Santana wrinkles her nose, "They're going to send me a dead pig?"
"What? No, they're going to go all method acting on you! They know the relationship is all for show is what I'm trying to say," Puck explains, "They're just going to pretend to be your girlfriend."
"So they're basically escorts."
"I mean," Puck glances to them and back at Santana. He lowers his voice to a whisper, "I think one of them actually is. I'm not sure. No judgement though, do what you gotta do."
Santana shakes her head, "No. Hell no."
"Why?" Puck asks, "It's like your personal episode of the Bachelorette. You love that show!"
Santana's eyes widen, "Will you keep it down? I don't love that show. I just like the drama."
"Yeah whatever," Puck waves off, "Just ask them a few questions and see which one you like the most and you'll have a girlfriend. Boom!"
"I said no."
"Come on, why not?"
"Why not?" Santana laughs, "Because I don't want my life to be like that show. In fact, I was hoping it'd never happen to me and yet…here we are."
Puck cringes but tries to smile through her anger, "At least we're not on tv?"
Santana's in disbelief, "Yeah. I guess there's that."
"You know, I worked really hard on this," Puck frowns, "You know how many study sessions I've missed trying to find these people? I'm missing one right now, Britt's so disappointed."
"Boo-hoo," Santana waves off, "I'm not doing this. I'm not about to pretend to date a random. First of all, they're pretending to be someone they're not on top of pretending to be my girlfriend. Second of all, I don't know any of these people well enough to bring them around my family. It's a shit show waiting to happen. God, you know what would happen if this got back to my mom? It would be way worse than what I've been doing."
"How would it get back to her? Who would even tell?" Puck questions, "The girls have been sworn to secrecy!"
"Gee, I don't know," Santana argues, "Maybe her husband?"
Puck scoffs, "Coach wouldn't – "
Santana gives him a look, "Who told her about the time cops busted up our Halloween party because some asshole tipped them off? And what about that llama that I helped your dumbass set free in the freshman dorms when you were drunk because of a ridiculous bet?"
"Shit, you're right," Puck slumps in his chair.
Santana stands and pats Puck on the shoulder, "This whole thing is a hard no. Good try though."
"Thanks," He sighs before calling out to the women, "Sorry, ladies! Deal's off."
The women all stop smiling and grumble beneath their breath as they exit the room, casting dirty looks at Puck and Santana.
"Hey, don't look at me like that," She says, "I didn't have anything to do with this."
"So winter break starts next week," Puck mentions as the women file out of the room, "What are you going to do now?"
Santana shrugs, "I've been thinking of hanging back for Christmas so I can catch up on some work. Maybe make a little progress on that big assignment for Professor Martinez's class."
Puck's brows rise, "You're gonna stay home? I thought that was off the table?"
"Just for Christmas. I'll definitely have to make an appearance for New Year's," Santana replies, "Maybe I'll tell my mom I've gone home with my imaginary girlfriend to visit her family instead?"
"That could actually work," Puck chuckles.
"Maybe," Santana smirks, "Anyway…now you've got time for your study session with what's-her-face."
Puck laughs at that as he throws his arm around her shoulders, "You know I'm determined to figure this out for you, right? You asked for my help and I'm committed."
"Yeah and I appreciate it," Santana chuckles, "Go. Don't want to keep Brittany waiting, she might draw a frowny face on your homework."
Puck gets to thinking, "Don't joke. She just might!"
\\
While Santana continues to ponder on this dilemma, she contemplates swearing off alcohol for a long time. If she hadn't been drinking with Puck that night then maybe she wouldn't have dug herself into an even deeper hole. The longer she thinks on it, the more frustrated she becomes, but what can she do?
The next time Puck approaches Santana with a potential solution, it's through a single text message a few days later:
Puckerman: Meet me at Rise & Grind at 3.
Santana eyes the message suspiciously. Judging by his last attempt, who knows what her best friend has up his sleeve this time. Still, she agrees because honestly she doesn't have anything better to do and she's curious. What could he possibly do to top his little Bachelorette stunt from the other day?
When she arrives to the café on time, Puck's waiting for her outside the entry doors.
"Yo!" He calls out to her.
"Hey," She greets in return before nodding at the doors, "I'm not about to walk into a blind date, am I?"
Puck laughs, "Mama Lopez got you all traumatized now?"
"I'm just saying," Santana replies, "I don't know if I can handle another one of your great ideas so this better be good."
"Damn. Where's the faith?"
"Why do you think I agreed to meet you? You're lucky I even showed up," Santana answers as she follows Puck inside.
"Okay, so hear me out – "
Santana freezes when Puck leads her to an occupied table. More importantly, a table being occupied by none other than Brittany S. Pierce herself.
"What the hell is this?" Santana snaps and turns to Puck, "Why is she here?"
Brittany also looks to Puck for an answer, "I could ask the same thing."
Puck's all devious grins and confidence as he pushes at Santana's shoulders so that she'd sit across from Brittany. He grabs a spare chair from a nearby table and takes a seat between the enemies.
"So I'm sure you guys are wondering why we're here," Puck starts to explain.
"No shit," Santana grumbles.
"I mean, I was meant to be here," Brittany says and looks to Santana, "Just not with you."
"Believe me, there are many places I'd much rather be," Santana rolls her eyes and looks to Puck, "What is this about? I thought you were presenting me another one of your great ideas."
"I am," Puck insists, "If you'd just shut up for two seconds, I can explain."
"Big ask," Brittany teases, "She loves hearing the sound of her own voice."
"Says you!" Santana snaps, "Seriously Puckerman, why's she here?"
"Like I said, I'm meant to be here," Brittany replies, "I booked this table."
"Okay okay," Puck interrupts Santana's next insult, "The reason why you're both here is that I think you two need each other."
"Need each other?" Brittany's brows rise comically while Santana's just laughs.
"I need her like I need a nail to the head," Santana says flatly.
"Same," Brittany agrees then looks to Puck, "I thought we were here to make up for those study sessions you've been missing?"
"Of course you thought that," Santana shakes her head, "What a nerd."
"Hey," Puck says sternly, "Didn't you kick a girl out of your bed because she made you late for class?"
Santana's jaw drops at the low blow, "I can't believe you just said that."
Brittany starts to smirk, "Who's the nerd now?"
Santana rolls her eyes and goes to stand, "This was a big fail, Noah. I don't know what you were thinking but this – "
"I didn't even explain yet," Puck interrupts, "Just sit, okay? You two are already going to have to work together so you might as well start getting along now."
"Back up," Santana flinches, "What do you mean work together?"
Brittany gives them both a blank look, "I'm so confused right now."
"No surprise there," Santana quips to which Brittany scoffs.
"Okay look," Puck starts again, "I may have spoken to Professor Martinez and now you two are sort of working together for the assignment."
Santana's eyes widen, "How the fuck did you manage to pull that off?"
"It was weirdly easy actually," Puck shrugs, "A little fear and intimidation tactic to get Brittany's partner to agree to the switch then I just hit up Prof Martinez to confirm."
"I didn't agree to a partner switch," Brittany adds then cuts a glare to Santana, "Especially when that partner is you."
Santana rolls her eyes at the blonde before looking to Puck, "Seriously, I'm this close to kicking your ass."
Brittany sputters a laugh, "As much as I'd love to see that considering your bite-sized stature – "
"I'll show you bite-sized."
"See!" Puck interjects, "You guys are already hitting it off!"
Santana and Brittany both stop to glare at him.
"Clearly, we are not," Santana points out.
Santana's starting to get really worked up about this now, she can feel her face heating with rage. Honestly, what the hell was he thinking? This might be even worse than the whole imaginary girlfriend idea!
Brittany on the other hand speaks more calmly, "I don't know why you'd think it would be okay to switch partners without my permission or what you're trying to drag me into but I'm not here for it. This grade is important to me. My education is important to me."
"I know," Puck says genuinely, "Seriously, I know. That's why I did it. Kind of."
"Kind of?" Brittany frowns.
"Yeah, well it's part of the reason why I did it," Puck replies cryptically, "I think you two should work together, because you're each other's best chance at getting the grant. You're the best in class!"
"I'm better," Santana slips in.
Brittany gives her an amused look, "Sure."
Puck shakes his head and looks at Santana, "I know you need this a lot more than I do." Then he looks to Brittany, "So do you. And as cool as it would be to ride on Santana's coattails for this, I don't think I'd feel right sharing the benefits if I didn't work as hard."
"You'd have to win first," Brittany comments.
"Right," Puck agrees, "And it's a slime chance of that if we're teaming up – but you two? Together?"
Santana and Brittany share a glance, but they quickly avert their eyes back to Puck.
"Professor Martinez was right about what could be if you both put your differences aside," Puck tells them, "If you two work together on this, it would be an easy win. You keep it the way it is, maybe none of us would get that grant."
Brittany seems to really take in his words and consider the offer, while Santana watches him curiously. Since when has her best friend ever worried about riding her coattails for a good grade?
"Plus," Puck adds, "It'll help make your relationship a lot more believable."
"Our what?!" Santana and Brittany gasp in unison.
"Your relationship," Puck says, "You'll be spending lots of time together working on this assignment, late nights at the library or whatever, sparks are bound to fly so a budding romance wouldn't be the craziest thing ever. I mean, minus the whole hating each other part but you could just blame it on the sexual tension. Everyone's already thinking it anyway."
"Wait what?" Santana blinks blankly, "What do you mean they're already thinking it?"
Puck ignores her, "You two working together on this assignment is the perfect cover! Like, how many lab partners have you hooked up with because you've spent so much time together? Personally, I'm at like a solid three and a half."
"How can there be a half?" Brittany asks.
Puck only winks, "We got interrupted."
Brittany looks taken aback, "Right…"
Santana, on the other hand, looks at Puck like he's got two heads, "Have you lost your goddamn mind or have you been hit too many times out on that field and you're now concussed?"
Puck sighs, "I'm serious."
Santana stares back with her jaw tensed, still trying to decide how she feels about this proposition.
"I'm still on the relationship part," Brittany mutters.
Puck looks to Santana with a proud grin on his face, "This'll work."
Santana doesn't really know what to think at the moment. She hasn't had enough time to process, but the logic is there – sort of. Call it a momentary lapse in judgement, but she let's the thought roll around in her mind.
Unlike the girls he tried to set her up with the other day, she actually knows Brittany – she knows that she's apparently a genius otherwise she wouldn't be giving Santana so much grief. That's at least one box checked so far?
"You've spent a lot of time thinking about this," Santana notes.
"Dude, you have no idea!" Puck replies excitedly, "It's my best work yet. Look at her, she's everything you asked for."
Puck and Santana glance at Brittany who's growing even more confused by the second.
"What exactly did you ask for?" She looks between the two skeptically.
The question goes unanswered though as Santana quickly interrupts.
"Puckerman, no."
"Santana, yes."
Brittany cuts in, "Can someone answer me?"
Santana looks to Puck, "Don't."
Puck doesn't listen though, "Long story short, Santana needs someone to pretend to be her girlfriend for awhile so her mom will take her seriously."
Santana's face goes red as she gives Puck a death glare.
Brittany looks to her and smirks, "I've seen the women hanging off of you. It's going to take a lot more than a fake girlfriend to do that."
"You know what? Fuck you," Santana mutters.
"I know," Puck says to Brittany, "That's why she needs someone hot and smart and impressive to convince Mama Lopez that she's in a legit relationship and she's serious about her future and stuff. She needs you!"
Santana's heart plummets to her stomach. She can't believe Puck's just airing out her business like this to Brittany of all people. She can't wait to give him a good kick in the crotch when they're out of here, maybe remind him about what it means to be loyal.
"Okay, you know what?" Santana snaps, "Fuck you both,"
Brittany's even more intrigued now though, so much so that she begins to smirk.
"So you need me?" She asks devilishly, "This is getting better by the second."
"I don't," Santana rolls her eyes and stands, "You're out of your mind, Puck."
"Wait!" Puck tries, "I'm not finished."
"Nah, I've heard enough."
"I'll listen," Brittany says which makes Santana stop.
"You'll listen?" Santana's in awe, "Why would you entertain this?"
"Because I'm interested," Brittany shrugs, "And I think it's hilarious that you, Miss Santana Lopez, the supposedly smoothest talking femme fatale on campus needs help from little ole me."
Santana can't help but roll her eyes.
"Which is satisfying in of itself, but what's in it for me?" Brittany questions as she looks to Puck, "Why do I need to be in a relationship with her?"
Santana goes to sit back down, drawn in by the banter, "I don't know why you say it like that as if several women wouldn't kill to be in your position."
"Well," Brittany starts to smirk, "They must not be as smart and hot and impressive as me or they'd be here, right?"
Santana rests back in her chair, her arms crossed and eyes narrowed.
"That's what I thought," Brittany grins and looks to Puck, "So what's in it for me?"
Puck looks between the two before settling on Brittany, "From what we were talking about yesterday, I think you know the answer to your question, Britt."
Surprisingly, Brittany suddenly softens.
"You'd benefit from this just as much," Puck continues, "It's Santana Lopez after all. You know she has some pull around here."
"Right," Brittany answers quietly.
There's something beneath the surface, Santana can see it, but she's not sure what and she's not sure why her pull means anything to the blonde. Brittany only nods like she and Puck share some secret and that tugs at something deep within Santana. But before Santana can try and delve into what that secret might be, the spotlight's back on her.
"And New Year's is coming up," Puck mentions to Santana, "You really want to go home empty handed after telling your mom that you've got this serious girlfriend now?"
Santana groans, "Fuck that."
"That's what I thought," Puck nods, "Think about it. You both need each other in more ways than one but hey, what do I know? Just the dumb jock here. You've got to admit though that this could work."
Santana and Brittany exchange a look as if they are contemplating whether or not they'd actually be able to stand each other long enough to make this relationship believable.
"You wouldn't need to do it forever," Puck adds, "Just a few months or so."
"True," Brittany nods, "No way I could last any longer than that."
"You got that right," Santana agrees and looks to Brittany, "If you agree to this, you'll have to fly home with me often. That means being around my family and there's a lot of them. They're going to be all up in your business too, can you handle that?"
"Easy," Brittany shrugs, "Parents love me."
Santana's slightly impressed by the fact that Brittany's seemingly confidence about this already. Most of the girls she has brought home either panic or don't panic enough. She's interested to see how much of this confidence holds up though when the time comes.
"And on campus," Santana adds, "We're going to have to act like a couple here too. We can't slip up because word might get back to my mom and that'll fuck up the whole thing."
"It'll be difficult," Brittany replies, "But I'm sure I can manage, so long as you do your best work for Prof Martinez's assignment. I need that grant."
"We'll get that grant," Santana assures her.
"So," Puck prompts, "What do you say? You two girlfriends now?"
Again, Santana and Brittany look back at each other. Santana eyes her analytically and she can't believe she's actually considering this. Ever since Brittany's transferred here, she has challenged Santana academically at every turn, it's been a nightmare. She's never been one to share the top spot and now she's expected to work with her? It's crazy talk.
But the longer she stares, the more sense it starts to make because Brittany really does check all the boxes – no matter how much Santana hates to admit it. Obviously, the smarts are there otherwise they wouldn't be in this rivalry mess but that's not all there is. Brittany competes with the Brainiacs and she's on the robotics team, she tutors in her free time and other nerdy shit Santana wouldn't dare get involved with.
Not to mention, Brittany's smokin' hot. Like objectively speaking, Santana thinks. She's got legs for days and this mega watt smile and those eyes – as much as she hates to make eye contact with her, it's not the worst view in the world.
When Santana finally drifts back to reality, she lets out a deep sigh.
"Yes."
"Really?" Puck clarifies.
"I'm not going to say it again," Santana grumbles.
"And you?" Puck asks Brittany.
She hesitates first before nodding, "Yeah."
"Yes!" Puck exclaims and looks to Santana, "See, I told you I was committed to figuring this out! Break out your phones, let's make this Facebook official!"
Santana nods warily then looks to Brittany, "The first hurdle will be the annual New Year's Eve party my mom puts together so we can use the week before as a practice run. Unless you're heading home for Christmas?"
Brittany shakes her head, "I'll be here."
"Great," Santana replies, "God, I can't believe I'm even talking about this. I can't believe I have to pretend to be in a relationship with you."
"The feeling's mutual," Brittany says, "Like you aren't even my type."
Santana's first instinct is to scoff, but she can't help but wonder what Brittany's reason for agreeing to do all this might be. Surely her parents aren't also trying to set her up on dates with randoms? Either way, whatever it is – maybe Santana can have some fun with this? After all, what's the point of fake dating your archnemesis if you can't make them suffer a little?
"Please," Santana smirks, "I'm the embodiment of your type."
"Yeah. Right," Brittany laughs, "You like them easy and ditzy."
Puck only wears a proud smile as he watches from between them.
"Love the bonding, guys! No one's going to suspect a thing!"