Blair opened her eyes the darkness only releasing a little light that her eyes adjusted to. She turned her head against her satin covered pillow feeling its cold lonely chill against her cheek – or was it the cold empty loneliness from the empty side of her bed. She let out a large sigh as she pulled the covers to her chin memories creeping unwillingly into her mind. Dan had looked over at her as she argued that she couldn't lay her head next to his if he argued that if he insisted Damien Hirst's work was anything but simple-minded, sensationalist, and fatuous. He fired back with passion, but she could see the love in his eyes. That night they had stayed up discussing and passionately debating films and books, much like many nights they had had together before she made the mistake of not choosing him. Blair couldn't help but wish she could argue with someone anyone instead of this soul-eating loneliness.
Deep down she knew she had made a mistake. Her love with Chuck was all consuming and reckless, it was wild and uncontrollable. That kind of love was exciting when you were young and reckless yourself. Her relationship even after Chuck became the man she had hoped he would, was still childlike and not mature like she had with Dan. Chuck understood the old Blair, the upper eastside Constance Queen B – but Dan understood the grown up Columbia student that she had grown into. Now Dan was married to Serena, and though she wished them well – smiled even as he vowed to love Serena forever, she felt like a piece of her soul had just been shattered.
She promised herself that Chuck would always be her love, and she did love him – but it wasn't long before Chuck started to return to the old Chuck. Like tonight, another lonely night in an empty bed while he used his business as a reason to be gone so often. Each year the excitement of finally being together wore off and they began to grow apart. Lonely boy, she chuckled in her head, yet look who was the one to end up lonely.
Blair reached over to grab her book turning on the light on her nightstand. She pulled out the folded old paper that she had once thought was Louis vows. No one had ever understood her more than the person who wrote those vows – Dan. A tear rolled from her eye as she bit her lip reading through it pretending it was the first time she was reading it. Every morning she woke up as of late wanting to call him, before laying down – she wanted to call him. Right in this moment… she wanted to call him. But she couldn't do that to Serena, she couldn't take away her best friends happiness. Blair hugged it to her chest as she shut the light back off and leaned into her pillows hoping it would muffle the silent sobs.
Morning rose and with it the stirring of her house hold. Blair had taken a seat at the dining table as breakfast was served and her little Henry ran up to kiss her cheek. She smiled looking at her beautiful boys face as she took a bite of her crepes before seeing Chuck rushing in shifting through papers looking for something.
"Good morning darling," Blair tried to get his attention which she got very little of as of late.
"Blair," he returned but did not look her way as he continued to look through the papers.
"You didn't return home last night, is everything alright?" she asked as nonchalant as she could even though she felt her heart race in her chest.
"Have you seen my folder with updated numbers, I have a meeting with Bass Industries today," he said quickly ignoring her question, "I am going to be late."
"I believe I saw them in the front in a drawer," she said looking down at her plate. Without response he quickly walked past her clearly frustrated. Something had caught the corner of Blair's eye as Chuck left the room, and she quickly stood to investigate. She saw his phone buzzing under some papers, the silence off and the caller under 'unknown.' Blair looked back over to the door to see if he was near before answering the phone but not saying anything.
"Hello… Charles?" she recognized the voice and the accident – Blair's heart dropped and thumped at the same time as she ended the call and dropped the phone on to the table she picked it up from. Her hand covering her mouth and her eyes pricking with tears. Eva.
"My phone, there it is," he said sweeping towards her quickly. She quickly dropped her hands and gave a weak smile as she grabbed a paper as if she never noticed his phone. She gave him a quick smile before turning. He lifted the phone placing it in his pocket before placing a hand on her shoulder and awkwardly giving her a kiss in her hair, "have a good day. I'll be gone most of the day – don't wait up."
"Of course," she said softly as she tried swallowing the lump in her throat. She stood there a moment after he was gone, a sob leaving her chest as she clutched at her heart.
"What's wrong mommy?" Henry's little voice appeared behind her. She quickly wiped her eyes turning to look at him before crouching to his level.
"Nothing my love, I'm fine," she lied smiling at him as his beautiful bright smile numbed her for a brief moment.
"I love you," he said wrapping his arms around his mother. Another tear fell from her eye as she hugged him tight. She realized she needed to get out of the house and visit Serena, but with Serena having had issues with fertility she didn't dare bring Henry unless Serena would ask to see him. So she stopped at her mother's where she finally confessed to her mother what was going on with her at home. After visiting with her mother and Sirus she kissed her Henry goodbye for the day before heading over the Serena's little condo.
Blair knocked harder than intended, perhaps the urgency in her escaping through her fist. She needed her best friends help to uncover the truth about Chuck and possibly save her marriage. She sighed as she waited for a response as her whole world came crumbling down around her. Her heart raced wildly when she saw his face appear at the door his sppechless look as he stared at her.
"Bl-Blair…" he spoke, his dark curls surrounding his face and his face shadowed with a need for a shave.
"Dan," Blair said fidgeting with her purse, "I was here to see Serena."
"She's with Lilly in the Hampton's, I don't know when or if she will return," he said looking down awkwardly.
"What did you do Humphry?" Blair accused with that typical judgmental tone he strangely missed.
"She found my newest book," Dan said awkwardly still holding the door, "unfortunately the main heroine clearly wasn't her – she has some guesses but doesn't like any of them. She said she just needed some space to clear her mind."
"Oh," Blair said looking down at the ground, "would you like me to look it over so I can reassure her she doesn't have to feel so worried?"
"Sure," Dan said in a tone that told her he wasn't really that sure. But he opened to door to let her in.
She read through the first chapter as he brought out some tea. Her eyes darting quickly from line to line soaking in the words. How beautiful they were, and she knew now why Serena was upset. It was practically a love letter disguised in a novel, but the object of his attention was not a tall golden haired maiden… but a feisty bossy brunette princess whose special powers were her knowledge and skills for uncovering treachery and schemes in her kingdom. Something particular caught her eye.
"Dan," she blurted out before looking up at him sitting across from her with both their teas in his hands, "you got this from…"
"Yes," he said looking down at the table where he set the cups, "that trip we had planned. The one we never got to make because… well, I never could forget the trip we had planned and the ideas it inspired. I couldn't not write about it."
"Did she know about the trip?" she asked curiously.
"No, of course not," he smirked finally getting the courage to look up at the love that got away.
"Then you can tell her she has nothing to worry about, simply explain that the character is based on her but you change physical details so no one would accuse you of writing her into another story," Blair said laying the manuscript in her lap.
"I should have told her that," Dan agreed, "what did you need Serena for?"
"I need her help with some investigating," Blair stood up and patted down her dress, "perhaps I'll wait until she returns.
"It could be awhile," he stood up his eyes catching hers, "perhaps I could help you."
"Dan, are you sure that would be wise?" Blair asked uncertain. They were both married.
"I could use some more ideas for future books," he smirked making her bite her lips to hold back her own smile, "I could use the distraction until Serena gets home. Just give me the day to rearrange my schedule."
"Done," Blair smiled her heart fluttering. They quickly shared details of when they would meet before Blair left to go back to her mothers. She stepped out into the crisp Manhattan air taking in a deep breath in inhaling the freshness in it as she felt that pang of excitement she lacked for a while now.