This starts out following the Sports Festival Arc, and follows the rest from there before diverging into AU. I tried to make it interesting, not just paraphrasing the anime or manga.

Warnings: Self Harm, Violence, Torture, Language, Minor Character Death, Mentioned/Implied Child Abuse, PTSD, Panic Attacks, Depression, Other Depictions of Mental Illness (May or may not be accurate/potentially offensive. I have bipolar disorder and anxiety disorders, not PTSD or others that might get mentioned), other warnings that have yet to be discovered.

This continues from Isolation and Guilt, but could be read as a standalone.

The first time Izuku hurt himself outside the scope of One For All was an accident. While cleaning up the beach he was tired and struggling to meet All-Might's schedule when he brushed against a piece of sheet metal and cut his leg. The shock of pain jolted him but seemed to give him a second wind. He thought nothing of it and got back to work.

The second time was also an accident. On a particularly hot day he took a break from working on the beach to dip his feet in the water. His thoughts wandered down dark roads of self doubt as he waded. The cleanup was going slower than usual from exhaustion, the extra physical training he was doing at home was finally getting to him.

The inattention caused him to step on a jagged seashell and slice open his little toe. The salt water stung the wound and caused the pain to linger. It motivated him despite the mild limp it caused. That time he paid attention and started to wonder…

The third time Izuku hurt himself was on purpose. On the second to last day of beach cleanup he found an old straight razor that seemed to still be in good condition. He wasn't entirely cognizant of slipping it into his pocket and forgot about it until he got home.

While undressing for bed it fell out of the pocket and on to the floor with a clatter. He sat it on his desk and prepared to sleep. A few hours later he still laid awake, thoughts racing. What if All-Might changed his mind? What if he failed the U.A. entrance exam? What if, what if, what if.

He was in the bathroom with the razor before he realized it. Not entirely suicidal, he washed it off and rinsed it with iodine. After a few moments of consideration he took off his pajama bottoms and sat on the edge of the tub.

The first attempt was clumsy. Izuku lost his nerve and simply made a shallow scratch on the inside of his thigh. The next was deeper, but not by much. The third was deeper than intended. It took a moment to start bleeding, but once it did he had a hard time stopping it.

The ache as the wound healed helped keep him grounded. When it became itchy and caught on his boxers he would open it back up. He became more precise in how deep he made them, wanting the pain more than the risk of leaving blood drops for his mother to find.

After the disastrous first day of class, when Aizawa tested their quirks, Izuku made a second, matching cut next to the first. A third joined them soon after his fight with Kacchan during the battle trial where they were pitted against each other. With the villain attack on USJ he opened up two on the opposite thigh, hoping to chase away the lingering sounds of Aizawa's bones shattering and the accompanying nightmares.

As the sports tournament neared he found himself doing it more often to stay focused on his training. Once, he grew careless and took the razor to school, reopening the marks just before training. He nearly got caught by Katsuki in the bathroom. Some blood had gotten on his hand and the blonde came in while Izuku was washing it off. Katsuki had given him a weird, suspicious, look but hadn't said anything.

Just before leaving home the day of the tournament he made a new mark and opened the old ones. He made sure to wear black boxers to hide the blood when he changed with the other boys and hoped none would show through the U.A. gym pants.

Everything went well, the aches and pains keeping distractions at bay. The cavalry battle was close, but thanks to Tokoyami they passed. After the one versus one battle lineup was announced Izuku was taking a breather while the recreational events began when Todoroki requested a private talk.

They found a secluded corner of the stadium and Izuku regarded Todoroki with nervous curiosity. The quiet boy didn't talk to Izuku often, even when the greenette tried. When he did it was usually just about assignments.

"You have blood on your pants."

Izuku's blood froze in his veins as he tried not to look down. He'd felt some wetness on his thigh after a particularly hard grip from Hatsume but he didn't have time to check on it. He hoped his expression conveyed the right emotions as he shrugged.

"Someone must have gotten it on me. Thanks for letting me know. I'll have to change before our matches start."

The other boy frowned deeply at him and Izuku had the sinking feeling that the lie had been spotted. It was confirmed a moment later when Todoroki sighed.

"I saw your legs while you were changing last week." He held up a hand to stop Izuku from speaking. "I don't know what you're going through, but hurting yourself isn't the answer."

Izuku bit the inside of his cheek when the words made his eyes water. He tried one last time, anxiety cloying in his stomach. "How do you know it wasn't an accident?"

Instead of speaking, Todoroki held out his arms wrist up. Izuku's breath caught when he noticed silver scars clustered over the visible main veins. They were easy to miss against the other boy's pale skin unless you knew what to look for.

"I was five when my mom gave me my scars." Todoroki's mouth was set in a grim line as he gestured to the side of his face. "She told me I was ugly and she couldn't stand looking at me because my left half reminded her of my father… Just before she poured boiling water over me."

A strangled note of dismay left Izuku but Todoroki ignored him. "My dad had her committed to a psych ward after that… I blamed myself for all of it. Without my mom shielding me, my dad started training me to replace All-Might as number one hero. All he sees when he looks at me is something to use for his own goals."

The inside of Izuku's cheek was bleeding as he bit it to keep from saying anything. It was clear that it was something Todoroki needed to get off his chest.

"One of my brothers found out," he gripped his wrist to indicate the scars. "He told me that I shouldn't hurt myself. I should focus on hurting our father." A dark chuckle left him, "Not the most well adjusted thing to think about, but Endeavor has hurt all of us in one way or another. So I stopped cutting and focused on surpassing him without using my left side, his half of me."

The two tone boy finally paused long enough for Izuku to speak up. He hesitated, unsure of what to say to the revelation. "I… my reasons seem stupid next to that."

The other boy looked at him sharply, "No. I told you so you know I understand, not so you can use it to put yourself down."

Izuku stared at the ground, struggling with himself for a moment. There was so much that he couldn't say because it was related to All-Might. He'd already messed up by telling Katsuki the secret but he hardly knew Todoroki.

"The pain… helps me focus. Sometimes I can't get my brain to shut up and it distracts me from training. But the pain helps…" He rubbed the back of his neck as he contemplated everything. Finally he peered up at Todoroki.

"It's not his. Your quirk." Izuku rushed so he wouldn't lose his nerve. "It's your quirk, and it should matter more what you do with it than who you inherited it from. Wouldn't it piss him off more if you used it but made it your own?"

Rather than look upset Todoroki looked thoughtful. "I know you're trying to deflect… but you might have a point."

Izuku looked meek at being called out but pressed a bit more. "When we meet each other in the finals I want to know that I'm fighting against all of you, and the best that you have. Otherwise a win is meaningless."

The challenge prompted a tiny smile, "You almost sound like Bakugo. I'll think about it. In the meantime you should change… Come talk to me if you need help with anything."

The greenette watched him walk away and slumped against the wall. The words of comfort made him feel better about being found out but his heart still raced with anxiety. He didn't think Todoroki would tell anyone, still, if the other boy had noticed, had anyone else?

It took several minutes to get himself back under control and ready to face others. A quick glance at his thighs told him that the blood had indeed seeped through. With a grimace he made his way to the locker room, thankful that he kept a spare set of gym clothes for emergencies.

At the door he bumped into someone coming out. Distracted, he muttered an apology, dimly recognizing the purple haired boy Ojiro had warned about. The other boy stared for a moment before continuing on his way. Izuku shrugged off the encounter and made for his locker. He checked that he was the only one there before fetching the fresh pants.

This time he made sure the wounds were done bleeding, squeezing his own thighs harshly. He was satisfied when only a little welled up. Outside he could hear voices so he hurried to change.

When he stepped out of the locker room he was surprised to see Todoroki and Endeavor at the end of the hallway. They seemed to be arguing and Todoroki looked upset. Izuku shut the door behind him loudly, the noise echoing in the concrete corridor. Both Todorokis startled and whipped around to stare at him. Endeavor scowled and muttered something before turning to stalk off.

The two tone boy looked relieved, nodding to him before also walking away. Izuku was concerned but figured the other boy needed to cool off. He headed up to the stands to look for Uraraka and Lida. He was worried about how the girl was taking the news that she would have to fight Kacchan.

The recreational games flew by and before Izuku knew it, it was time for the first combat round. Nausea laced his stomach as he stepped out onto the field. He didn't think he'd ever get used to performing in front of a crowd. To calm his nerves he focused on the boy across from him.

Hitoshi Shinso looked tired and bored. The dark bags under his eyes were more impressive than Aizawa's, which was saying something. The other boy's shirt looked a touch too big on his frame and his build was slim. Izuku could tell there wasn't much muscle there, meaning his physical combat skills were probably weak. His gaze was keen despite the exhausted appearance and Izuku knew the fight would be interesting. Ojiro had given Izuku a rundown of what happened during the cavalry battle, but he didn't know the full scope of Shinso's quirk.

While they waited for the match to start Shinso spoke up, "Your tail friend was a fool. He should have just accepted the victory instead of throwing it away." Something about his voice was annoying, grating, getting under Izuku's skin until he had to bite the inside of his cheek to stay silent. The words themselves were mild enough to shrug off, the impulse to respond was odd and Izuku wondered if it was part of the quirk.

Midnight gave the call to start and Izuku darted forward. He knew he needed to end the match fast. Shinso kept talking, demeanor not changing despite the greenette quickly closing the distance.

"He was useless dead weight anyway. Just like you were when you lost the million point headband."

Hearing Izuku's own internal dialogue thrown back at him made him recoil, slowing but not stopping. Words wrenched from between clenched teeth before he could stop them. "Ojiro will never be as useless as me."

The indigo haired boy smirked, though it seemed diminished as Izuku's comment registered. Izuku abruptly halted, almost overbalancing as his limbs locked up and refused to respond. His heart dropped when the only thing he could do was blink.

"Turn around and walk out of bounds."

To his horror his body complied, doing an about-face and striding towards the white boundary line. Present Mic's and Aizawa's commentary was drowned out by his own internal screams of frustration as the line drew closer. Ojiro had said it took a painful jolt to wake him up, but there was nothing to help Izuku. The throbbing from his cuts didn't seem to be enough.

Just as he was about to give in to despair he noticed shadows moving near the ramp onto the field. Even so far away he could make out a discussion, it was about him. The shadows warped and twisted until he could make out distinct features. A small group of adults manifested, most of them regarding him with sad smiles.

"You got this, kid."

"Don't give up yet!"

If he had been capable of it, he would have teared up at the earnest encouragement. Without his input, he could feel One For All activate, green lightning crackling and racing across his skin. A finger twitched and then exploded in agony. A yelp escaped him and he found himself backpedaling away from the boundary line.

Turning, he caught Shinso's surprised expression before the boy's face went blank again. He almost looked resigned as Izuku once again barreled towards him. That thought made Izuku mad, especially when Shinso started talking again.

"You lucky few from the birth lottery will never know what it's like to have a useless quirk. To be passed over at the entrance exam just because your quirk doesn't work on hunks of machinery."

The air left his lungs as Izuku tackled him to the ground and punched him across the face. The greenette panted roughly, trying to get a grip on his emotions. "Don't you dare pretend that you know me, or anyone else in the hero courses!"

Shinso bucked and surprised him with a punch, shoving them over. They brawled for several moments, getting a few hits back and forth before Izuku sprang to his feet and circled Shinso, putting his back to the white line. They were both panting now and the other boy was looking riled, stalking towards Izuku with a scowl.

"I know I'll never be a hero because the odds have always been stacked against me!"

He broke into a run, intending to shove Izuku out of bounds. Izuku pivoted on his heel and grabbed Shinso's arm, tugging sharply, and ducking low to let the boy's momentum carry him over Izuku's shoulder. Izuku whipped around, ready for retaliation, but then relaxed as he took in Shinso's position. His feet were over the line.

Midnight raised her flogger into the air and called Izuku's victory. The greenette didn't feel victorious. On the contrary, he felt worn out and sad as he contemplated Shinso's words. Hesitating a bit, he stepped forward and offered the boy a hand. His purple eyes widened in surprise but he accepted the gesture after a pause. They walked off the field together.

They stood in silence in the exit corridor under the stadium. Shinso stared with wary curiosity while Izuku's gaze was focused on the ground. Both of them were bleeding but felt no compulsion to visit Recovery Girl.

"Why do you want to be a hero?" The question slipped out before Izuku could stop it. The other boy tilted his head to the side with an odd expression.

"It's just the only thing I've ever wanted to do. Growing up, all I ever heard was that my quirk was villainous. I guess I want to prove them wrong." A sigh escaped him and he shrugged, "... If class 1-A is so different, you better not lose." With that the indigo haired boy walked off.

Izuku thought to call him back, wanting to talk, but let him go. He needed to get a grip on himself before his next battle. His emotions were all over the place and he had to consider if the shadow people were a hallucination or not. He headed to the break room, desperately wanting something to drink and a snack.

The room was sparsely furnished but held tables full of health snacks and drinks. Thankfully the only person he recognized was All-Might, who broke into a broad grin when he spotted Izuku.

"You did well, young man."

Izuku smiled back even though he didn't really feel like it. All-Might seemed to pick up on his mood. The hero stacked a plate with food and shoved it into his hands, fetching a juice pouch next and holding it out to him even though his hands were full. The smile turned more genuine at the awkward attempt to make him feel better.

"That last fight looked rough. I saw you talking with Shinso-kun, but no one could hear what about. Are you alright?"

Nibbling on the snacks proved to be a good distraction to delay answering. He still had a lot on his mind, but one take-away from his discussion with his opponent was bugging him. After a moment he looked up at All-Might with a frown. "Why does the entrance exam favor physical quirks so much?"

The hero let out a thoughtful hum before sighing. "I don't know, young Midoriya. It's certainly not fair to students whose quirks are equally useful in battle, but only work on living opponents, like Shinso's. The process is flawed, but those who make it through into General Studies are given the opportunity to advance to the Hero Course if they perform well here at the sports festival."

"That's good, but it means they're behind when they transfer in, unless they get remedial training. It's just like Aizawa-sensei said on our first day of class. It's not fair to judge based on one criteria. Each quirk is unique and should be given a chance at the entrance exam. Plus, it would give quirkless people a chance, if they're resourceful enough."

The pride brimming off of All-Might when Izuku glanced up from his plate made him blush. He was only stating the obvious and logical. The hero clapped him on the shoulder and gave a brief squeeze.

"I had worried when you ended up in Aizawa-san's class, our personalities tend to clash. But I think I approve of what he's taught you. I'll talk to him and some of the other teachers to see what can be done to correct the exam."

All-Might guided him to a row of seats overlooking the stadium. A thought occurred to Izuku and he glanced around to make sure they wouldn't be overheard.

"Have you… ever seen anything odd while using One For All?"

The hero looked confused. "Odd how?"

Izuku hesitated but then quietly explained the event that helped him break free from Shinso's brainwashing. The hero looked shocked and teased him about seeing dead people before rushing to explain that he'd likely seen the previous users of the quirk. As the quirk was passed from person to person, a part of the previous users stayed with it. It made a macabre sort of sense to Izuku that the essence of the dead heros would stay to watch over the current user.

A more shocking revelation than ghosts had Izuku reeling when All-Might confessed to having been quirkless before One For All. It was why the hero had chosen him after seeing his determination to save Katsuki from the muck villain. The hero embarrassed Izuku by apologizing for brushing him off earlier that day, when he'd told Izuku that he couldn't be a hero without a quirk.

After that they watched the following matches in companionable silence. Izuku rested and grazed through the snacks, fingers itching as he wished he had a notebook to write in. He wasn't really hungry but knew he'd need the boost when he went up against Todoroki.

Izuku respected Sero, but he knew the cellophane boy would be weak against Todoroki's brute tactics. During their round, he was proven right when Todoroki encased Sero and half the stadium in ice. Izuku winced. Clearly the other boy was still upset after his argument with Endeavor. It would take a little while to de-ice the field for the next battle.

Deciding that he'd had his fill, Izuku stood and smiled at All-Might. "I should visit Recovery Girl and go cheer for Lida and Uraraka before their matches."

The hero nodded and returned the smile, "I'll be cheering for all of you!"

After having his finger healed but before heading into the stands to find his friends, he stopped by the lockers again to grab a notebook. He was curious about the 1-B students and their quirks. While he'd seen some in action in previous events he had been too distracted to pay much attention.

He spent the majority of time with his friends scribbling in his notebook, oblivious to his own muttering and the entertained looks he was receiving from classmates. He paused to cheer for Uraraka and Kacchan, but got to work afterwards jotting down notes and observations. There was a brief intermission to repair the field after Katsuki's explosions. Before he knew it, it was time for his match with Todoroki.

On his way to the field entrance he was surprised to see Endeavor loitering in the hallway. The man seemed taken aback when he noticed Izuku and the greenette figured he'd been intending to wait for Todoroki. Deciding to ignore the oddity to help the man save face, Izuku nodded politely and made to walk by.

"You could rival All-Might, one day. Give my son a worthy battle. Don't let him embarrass himself like last time."

Izuku froze in his tracks, "Shoto-kun could never embarrass himself by trying his best. It's shameful that his own father is bringing it up to his son's opponent." The harsh words tumbled out before he could filter them. There would be time to be mortified about talking to the number two hero like that later. He turned his head to spear Endeavor with a glare.

"I am not All-Might. Shoto-kun is not you." Without waiting for a response, he stalked past Endeavor and exited onto the field. Todoroki was already waiting on the opposite end. Izuku was glad Endeavor met him instead of his son, the boy already looked as closed off as ever. He had a sinking feeling that their conversation earlier had been forgotten by whatever the number two hero had said to him.

The notion was proven correct when the fight began and Todoroki only used ice attacks. Disappointment crashed into Izuku, followed quickly by anger as Endeavor's words replayed in his head. Feinting to the left Izuku closed the distance between them with a crackle of green electricity. Todoroki's ice was powerful but only effective at range, or the boy risked his own visibility and maneuverability. If he used his fire he could block and repel Izuku's melee attacks but he refused.

"Whatever he said to you, it's your quirk. Fight me with all you've got!" He landed a punch to Todoroki's stomach and kicked out towards his knee but was blocked by a wall of ice. Jumping back, he channeled One For All into one of his fingers to smash through the barrier. Pain lanced up the limb but he ignored it, the cold numbing the self inflicted damage. Almost immediately another sprang up, this time Izuku jumped on top of it and launched himself down towards a startled looking Todoroki. His punch landed solidly on Todoroki's nose, making the boy grunt and recoil.

Izuku pressed the advantage but was brought up short as fire lept towards him. Dodging gave the other boy time to recover and soon he was forced on the defensive as fire and ice raced towards him. He ducked behind the wall of ice to block the fire. Steam filled the field and Izuku used the cover to circle around Todoroki, the fire burning on his left side acted like a beacon. The other boy sent wave after wave of ice at Izuku but he dodged and broke his own fingers breaking through the attempts. Occasional bursts of fire forced him to dodge and kept visibility low as it met ice. He was forced to shatter his arm when a spear of ice lanced at him from the side.

He climbed an ice wall to orient himself and spotted a flicker of fire in the cloud below. He lept towards it, One For All lending him speed. As the steam parted he had enough time to register the trap before it sprang. Todoroki's shirt was on fire draped over a small column of ice. He dodged as ice formed under him but couldn't evade the fiery punch that clipped his cheek from the side. He slipped on more ice and went down. A split second was all it took for ice to spread rapidly to root him completely to the ground.

He struggled but knew it was futile as the steam filtered away to reveal his defeat to the crowd and Midnight. Todoroki's worried face came into view, his nose crooked and bloody from Izuku's hit. "Are you alright?"

He couldn't help but grin even as the other boy's victory was called. "That was so cool!" He watched with fascination as Todoroki leaned down to free him with his left hand. "Does it hurt to use?"

The other boy blushed faintly and shook his head. "It just feels warm… I wouldn't have been able to beat you without it. You were too fast."

Izuku beamed as he climbed to his feet. "That was quick thinking at the end." He moved to push damp hair off his forehead and was brought short with a hiss. His right arm from fingertips to elbow was one big, bloody, bruise and refused to move. Todoroki noticed and winced.

"We should both get healed up." They made their way off the field together. Izuku spotted Endeavor walking their way from the stands and nudged Todoroki to move faster. The other boy followed his gaze and didn't need much more encouragement.

Recovery Girl met them by the recovery room, already tutting over their injuries as she herded them towards the temporary infirmary. Todoroki's broken nose was healed with a kiss. She left the bruises to conserve his stamina for the final round since her healing used the patient's energy. When she got to Izuku she frowned and shook her head.

"I'll do what I can, but you're staying in a sling, young man. Your arm bones can't take much more strain from quick healing. Any more damage like this and you risk not being able to use your arms anymore. Find a different technique or find a new career."

The blunt words made Izuku's heart stutter. Todoroki looked shocked by the revelation, staring at the greenette with concern. Izuku waved him off as Recovery Girl worked to start mending the open fractures.

"You should go rest, Kacchan is going to be tough. I'll be fine, promise." The two tone boy nodded and reluctantly agreed, turning to make his way back to the break room. Izuku slipped in and out of consciousness as the medic used most of his remaining energy to heal his wounds. The damage was bad, worse than he'd initially thought since endorphins and shock had dulled the pain on the walk to the infirmary. He would have permanent scars from the lacerations. The woman also vowed to have stern words with All-Might for his part in urging Izuku towards dangerous tactics.

As Recovery Girl was finishing bandaging him up, Uraraka came to see him. She was smiling despite some nasty new burns on her arms. The medic turned her attention to the girl, scolding her for not coming to get treated right away.

"I didn't want to risk missing Midoriya-kun's fight. It was amazing! I thought for sure you had it." Seeing her so fired up made Izuku blush.

"You did well against Kacchan, too. Your strategy was spot on."

The girl giggled and shook her head. "He's got too much raw power. I need to focus on physical training for sure, I'd have given him more trouble if I were a stronger fighter like you."

"I can help with your hand to hand sparring…" He trailed off at a withering look from Recovery Girl. "Ah… After I heal."

Uraraka bobbed her head in agreement, "I'd like that. Kirishima-kun offered too. It might be a fun idea for everyone to practice together without quirks. I'll have to run it by Lida-kun and Yaoyorozu-chan."

The medic shoo-ed them out after healing Uraraka's burns and scrapes. They bumped into All-Might at the door. The man took in Izuku's partially healed arm and patted him on the opposite shoulder.

"That was quite a match!" A look of dismay crossed his face when Izuku bowed.

"I'm sorry for losing, sensei."

"It's quite alright, young man. I'm just happy you and young Todoroki worked things out. You did well! You too, young woman." Uraraka ducked her head at the praise.

Izuku blinked and glanced around as a thought occurred to him. "Where's Lida-kun?"

"Oh, he got called away for a family emergency." Uraraka looked worried, Izuku's emotions matching after a moment of thought. Lida's brother was a pro hero, if he remembered right.

"I hope everything's ok…"

All-Might gently urged them towards the refreshment room. "I'm certain young Lida will let you know once he's back. We don't want to miss the finale between your classmates."

The battle between Todoroki and Katsuki was just as heated and intense as Izuku knew it would be. He noted with a frown that Todoroki was back to only using ice. That fact set Kacchan off like a berserker. Izuku winced as he sipped on a juice pouch. There was no way Kacchan was going to win gracefully if Todoroki refused to use all of his power like he did with Izuku.

He suspected the two tone boy could have won if he had used fire. Katsuki's nitroglycerin sweat could combust because of outside influence, like a fire quirk. With the right application, Todoroki could have neutralized Kacchan's attacks and even turned them back on him. But Izuku figured the boy lost on purpose to upset his father.

Unfortunately Kacchan seemed to realize that fact as well. The teachers had to drag him off the field and restrain him for the awards ceremony. Izuku winced at some of the restraints and wondered where and why they had them on hand. Perhaps to restrain the campus guidance counselor, the hero called Hound Dog, who had a famously explosive temper? All-Might left the two students to go award the medals.

As the event wrapped up Izuku decided to check in at the field before heading home. It had been a long and exhausting day.