Don't Own Borderlands, Only The Oc.
'thought'
"Speech"
System
"Speech through echo devices and Text via book, notes, or newspaper... when those are around..."
(Mid Chapter Authors Notes)
"So... you look absolutely horrified." Axton notes as I sit in a chair, watching the sandy dunes go by the helm's windows.
"That's because I am, Axton." I sigh as I look up into the stary sky.
"What? Did you find a glass of water or something?" He snorts.
"The temple was inside a massive skull, Axton." I deadpan as I glare over my shoulder.
"No sense being scared of long dead monsters." He shrugs.
"I found an underwater vault." I state in an even tone.
"…"
"Why didn't we fucking open it, then?" He asks as he looks over at me, a look of confusion on his face.
"Because the scale of the vault typically shows the size of the monster within... and I couldn't even see the entirety of the vault under water... I only saw the tip, yet I could tell that the vault alone is probably city-sized." I weakly mutter.
"That hasn't stopped you before." He notes
"There's a difference between being able to SEE a giant monster slowly making its way towards you, and not KNOWING there is a monster of humongous scale and horrid appearance sitting not even ten feet away from you... glaring at you... but you'd never know because the water is so fucking murky." I snap with a small growl. "My fear is reasonable. Fuck you for thinking it's not."
"…"
"Also, I'm crazy. Not fucking suicidal." I scoff as I turn away.
"Could have fooled me with some of the stunts you pull." He states as he rolls his eyes.
"…"
"Wanna see if I can trick Jack into opening it?" I ask with a smirk as I look back at Axton.
A voice cuts off his response.
"First off. Always assume I am listening in. Second off. The average loader bot doesn't do so well under water... they're basically just large sentient toasters in that scenario. And thirdly, there isn't a damned thing you could do to get me to open that vault. No way in hell. Do you even know what's IN there?!"
"…"
"Do you?" I ask slowly.
"…"
"…"
"…"
"Yeah, but I'm not telling you that. If you want to die, just open it and see for yourself."
'wasn't he connected to a knowledge relic for a time? It's how he knew about The Warrior... so maybe it showed him whatever is in that one as well.'
"Can I at least have a name?"
He is silent for a couple more moments, seemingly debating whether or not to tell me.
"No. And don't you fucking dare open it. Being forced to abandon Pandora would really put a wrench in my plans."
I cup my chin as he falls silent.
The Eridians don't just jail things for no reason... the destroyer can eat fucking stars, so it's obvious why that was locked away... the phoenix is a technically immortal bird which can liquify steel in under a second- I'm not sure if that's dead or we are just carrying around its core, waiting for it to revive itself... it sort of just depends on if its power is technically 'living' within me now- next you have the warrior... it wasn't in a vault, doesn't count.
The Rampager... a constantly evolving dragon thing that grows the longer it fights... theoretically, it should eventually evolve into something that can combat the destroyer... so it's obvious why that was sealed... and luckily the vault hunters put it down before it became a problem... next, the Graveward. It can theoretically possess any nonliving object... also it wasn't in a vault... or something? It's been a while since I've played borderlands three after I discovered it took up like eighty gigabytes of space on my old computer.
Next, the Traveler. Er- I don't know much about this one... I never watched or played Tales... I think it was a golem of some sort? That can... travel?
The sentinel? Once more, doesn't count. Eridian creation.
Gythian?
It's fucking Cthulhu whose heart still beats despite it being LONG dead, grants people the ability to create portals, mutates people and animals, curses people, grants people infinite- and tentacle-y life, and is still somehow bleeding green, tainted blood, after possibly thousands of years of being dead.
What even killed it anyways-
Not going to think about that.
I cup my chin. 'Maybe I should take a quick trip and grab its power before we continue on with the murder of Jack... but how would I get there?'
I shake my head. 'I should write the planet down in a journal somewhere, just so I don't forget... what was the planet's name again? Xylo- something... uhhhh Xyloum? Xylogoss? Xylophone? Fuck. That's going to bother me all day.'
Moving on.
Finally, the serpent... no clue... you don't fight it, but it apparently had dozens of heads and was a serpent... it was also killed by only two people, so who knows.
So what could be in the sea vault...
It is clearly a threat to more than just a single planet, otherwise why would they imprison it on the 'prison planet', so does that mean it can travel through space? Fuck. It would certainly be less scary if it got out of the water, but yeah. That's still going to be a 'nope' from me. See you when I'm a god and can fucking toss planets around like fucking marbles you fucking sea faring nightmare fuel bastard.
I return to silently gazing out the window with a frown on my face.
"We haven't sorted out the treasure yet, right?" Axton slowly asks. "So, when can we do that?"
"When we get back to Sanctuary." I state as I lean back. "At that point, we'll be mostly safe and can lower our guards... slightly... honestly the Assassin thing sort of proved that not even Sanctuary is safe."
"Hn? I don't think you have told that story." Axton states.
"Really?" I ask. "I'm sure I've mentioned it at some point."
"Well, yeah, I've heard you mention it, but you never really explained what happened."
"Not much to say, I saw some dude outside of Moxxi's bar, he was super polite, told us some advice and his name, then I immediately turned around and told Zero he was an assassin because the dumbass told me his name was 'Wot' which is EXTREMELY unique and just so happened to be the name of a Hyperion assassin... one thing lead to another, him and his buddies tried to break into Gaige and my room at night, I heard them pick the lock, so I teleported Gaige and myself into the bathroom, then they tossed a sleeping gas grenade inside... after that I simple walked outside and killed three, incapacitating the last, all in under a second... then you promptly called us after a sleepless night of hearing explosions smash against sanctuary's shielding, and watching people haul corpses out of our room."
"Hn, and then you were pissy for the rest of the day?" He asks.
"Yes. Yes, I was." I deadpan. "And Gaige was annoyed too. Just too shy- and not Pandoran enough- to say that she wanted to strangle you with your echo device."
"Come on, you weren't that mad, right?"
"Absolutely livid." I smirk. "Didn't help that you didn't show up for like an hour after you told us to be there... I mean, we didn't even get there until like... thirty minutes after, because I was being difficult, buuuuut I would have probably beaten you up if we got there on time and you forced us to stay out in the cold like that."
"Beat me up, hn?" He hums with a small eye roll.
"Damn right. Back then, me punching you in the chest with my full strength wouldn't de-spine you and turn you into a fleshy fragmentation grenade."
I do a rotating gesture with my hand. "But that was before I drained... several... incredibly strong things."
"Well. I'm going down. Tell us when we're getting close to Sanctuary or something."
"Maybe." He shrugs. "I might wait till we are there."
I roll my eyes as I step over to the ladder. "Prick."
I hop down and wordlessly walk into the living area of the ship, all is calm, Krieg is pulling a classic dad move and has fallen asleep on the couch while sitting up with his arms crossed, Maya is reading a magazine in her bunk, Gaige is flicking through several news channels, several pannels in the wall is opened up, and there are wires tugged out of the walls, she seems to have tinkered around and managed to connect the monitor to the broadcasts that near pandora, but it seems to be imperfected, the screen is foggy and blurs every now and then, sometimes static fills the screen, but it works, and I gave her nothing to do that with, she did it with nothing more than spare parts and what she tore out of the walls- I should really talk to her about that.
My eyebrow twitches slightly at how irksome that is... but she's my girlfriend, so I can't really do much to punish her, I guess. She'd probably enjoy the silent treatment due to how annoying I am on the regular, so that's out...
Zero is sat in the middle of the room, slowly re-assembling his new gun after he dissembled it to clean the sand out of it.
It looks like Salvador found the booze and is having a drinking contest with Tina-
My eyes leave a purple trail in the air as I snap my head to the left, I blur over to the two and stop Tina from knocking back another bottle.
"Wha?" She asks. "Wassh yu do tha' for?"
"Damn it. I couldn't stop you before you got absolutely smashed." I growl as I slowly turn away.
She grabs the bottle and drinks it in several hungry gulps, she lets out a gasp of relief, the bar stool swivels as she turns to look at me.
"Hee dabey vaa... hn... nm" She slurs.
She falls forwards, off the bar stool, causing me to let out a sigh.
I stop time and catch her before she smashes face first into the ground, I wordlessly carry her across the room and sit her down in the bed with dusty bowler hat draped over a pillow.
Time resumes as I turn and walk over to Gaige, ignoring Salvador raising his hands and proclaiming his victory of out-drinking an anorexic thirteen year old.
I come to a halt beside her, I cross my arms as I look to the monitor she is slowly flicking through.
She glances over to me, then back to the Tv, only to flinch back as her gaze snaps back over to me. "SHit! I-I'm sorry! I'll fix it after I'm done, don't worry!"
"Nah, it's fine. You're my girlfriend, so I can't just like... suplex you off the side of the boat... like I will do to one probably very light Assassin unless he pays for Scooter to fix my bullet proof back windows that he cracked with his super gun."
Zero perks up and slowly turns toward us, a "…" projecting from his mask, it quickly shifts to a "!" As he notices the two of us looking at him, and he quickly turns back to his gun, almost robotically reaching out and screwing piece after piece back into place.
I roll my eyes with a small smirk and look back to the screen. "So... what are you doing?"
"I'm hacking into Hyperion's cable service." She states.
"Hear that, Jack? Your cable service is in our hands now." I call out into the room. "We hold all the power here."
"…"
Either he isn't listening any more, or he just isn't dignifying that with a response so I return to talking with Gaige.
"Well... I mean, it doesn't look like you've done a good job at it... why are you even doing this in the first place?" I ask as I look to the flickering screen.
"First off. There aren't any broadcast towers nearby, getting picture and sound at all is frankly a miracle. Second off, I'm looking for news from Eden Five." She looks down and scratches the back of her head. "I sort of want to see what has been going on at home while I've been gone."
"Couldn't you have done that with... oh, I don't know... your fucking echo which can seemingly connect to the echo net from anywhere instead of ripping out the wires from the walls to get a five frame per second video that looks like it is being filmed inside a factory that makes shitty camera filters?"
"…"
"Do you love me or the boat more at this point, because I'm honestly confused."
I cup my chin. "hm."
She gives me a half-lidded stare.
I look up and open my mouth, only to close it a second later and cup my chin again.
She gives me a weak slug on the shoulder and lets out an amused huff as I give her a shit-eating grin.
"Honestly, you." She sighs as she shakes her head before gesturing at the Tv. "The reason why I did all this... instead of using an echo device is because, well, frankly, I'm bored, David."
I let out a small groan as I stretch, then cover my mouth as I yawn.
I shake my head. "Ugh, seriously? Boredom? You tear the walls up for that?"
"But there's nothing to do." She pouts.
"You have your echo, right? Why don't you do one of those echo cast things for your subscribers." I suggest with a shrug.
She opens her mouth and pauses.
"Huh..." She mutters as she looks down at her echo device. "I haven't done one of those in a while..."
"Yeah! It'll be fun! Hell, maybe you won't feel the need to rip apart my boat any more than you already have!"
"Alright. Chill out with the passive aggressive sarcasm, you ass." She deadpans with a small huff.
I wipe the cheerful expression off my face. "You could always do a Q&A if the whole echo cast thing isn't really your cup of tea right now."
"hn." She mutters as she contemplates.
"Anyways." I begin. "I'm going to go watch Tv where the Tv is- y'know... functional."
"Fiiiine I'll fix it! Stop complaining!" Gaige growls with a small- and fairly cute- pout.
I reach up and pat her head. "Good."
She slaps my arm away with a glare, causing me to let out a huff of laughter as I turn and walk away.
I laze on the bed watching a muted television as Gaige finally comes in the room. "Alright, I fixed the friggin wall and monitor. Happy?"
"Very." I nod.
"You're always so smug." She scoffs as she crosses her arms and walks over, sitting on the foot of the bed. "I hope you don't mind me being loud while I do that thing you said I should do."
"By all means." I shrug.
"Alright, I'm starting... don't you dare make any strange comments or I'll..."
She seems to pause for a moment to try and find a fitting threat.
"Or I'll punch you in the dick."
I cup my chin as I think of a way to twist her words in a funny way, she can see my contemplation and lets out a long sigh, her shoulder slumping as she can tell that somewhere she has made a massive mistake, be it in her wording, or deciding to date me at all.
"So you are telling me..."
"Oh damn it." She sighs, her hope of me finding nothing to say disappearing like Pandora's oceans into the HELL vault.
"-that" I continue without missing a beat. "All I need to do to get you to touch me inappropriately is talk about your vibrator hand when you are talking to your subscribers?"
She is silent for a moment. "…"
"Just be quiet, please."
"Fiiiine." I sigh as I dramatically place a hand over my forehead. "It will be tough, but I won't embarrass you... this time..."
"How Generous." She states as she rolls her eyes.
"I'm a generous guy." I smile with a small wink.
"Generous in your arrogance, maybe." She scoffs. "Alright. I'm starting now."
She is silent for a couple of moments.
"H-Hey, all of you... it's been a while, huh? W-wow... there's quite a few of you, huh... six hundred t-thousand?! what was it last time? Just under fifty thousand? Uh- welcome all you newcomers! Most of you are prooobably here from the small blood sport we participated in... annnnnd I'll get to that in a minute."
She awkwardly swallows and looks around. "Well, a lot of things changed... if I remember correctly, last time we were heading for sanctuary?"
"It was the glacier." I cut in.
"Right. The glacier." She nods. "Thanks. And yes, David is just over there watching Tv."
"Anyways, after that we went to Sanctuary, nearly got assassinated, met this person called 'the fire hawk' which turned out to be a Siren, she teleported us into the middle of a bandit stronghold in order to save her... lover?
I nod once as she looks over to me.
"Then after fighting our way out, he gets kidnapped again. This time by Hyperion! Ugh! So, then we had to bust into this Hyperion prison absolutely CRAWLING with Hyperion personnel and captured bandits, stole some stuff, then headed back to sanctuary nearly dead on our feet from the really long day. Not even eight hours later, we were sent to go and get help from an explosive's expert to rob a hyperion train... little did we know that the 'bomb expert' was a thirteen-year-old girl with possibly several mental disorders."
"Should you really be talking about her like that? I mean, she's in the other room." I shrug.
"Completely. Crazy." Gaige states into the echo device. "She sends us to go grab a couple missiles, and on the way back, tells us to go and grab a fucking VARKID IN A JAR from it's incredibly pissed off parent."
She looks over. "Why was it in a jar?"
"You know," I begin. "I honestly don't know... I think Tina might have found it at some point, stuffed it in the jar, put a top hat and monocle on it, then left it out one day, only for the madame to find her deceased child, and take it back to the nest. That's my only guess."
"Anyways, then this fucking dumbass turned it into a monster the size of a skyscraper... then it CASUALLY vaporized an entire mountain with one attack." She continues.
"I will admit. My bad. I didn't expect it to grow that big."
She continues, allowing my statement to flow smoothly into her echo cast. "Then we get called about another vault, are forced into a life or death tournament constantly being betrayed by the number three badass, then suddenly David is fighting a massive bird of fire miles above the desert while Hyperion is sending hordes upon hordes of loader bots at us."
"Joy." She sighs. "Then the fire hawk teleports us into a pirate adventure... which I sort of sat out for most of due to needing a break. But I was there when we had to fight a-"
She looks over to me. "How did you describe it?"
"Worm, Whale, Dragon." I deadpan.
"I was there when we had to fight a several story Worm-Whale-Dragon that had glowing cancer and could control sand. And ohoho! It wasn't fully grown! Not even ten minutes later we fucking found the skull of one easily twice the size of the one we fought! I hate this planet! This has been an overall horrid experience."
"Now we are going back to Sanctuary after our very brief pirate-y vacation... back to our regularly scheduled Jack murdering."
She lets out a quiet sigh. "Why does that pompous dick feel the need to be such a pain?"
"Anyways, I'm doing something fun since I got over five hundred thousand followers! The next time I update, I'll be doing a Q&A! So please, feel free to ask me anything."
"Uh- Bye! Hope I don't die to Pandora's untold horrors."
She ends her echo cast and looks over. "Y'know, when you aren't being a total little shit, you're a pretty good co-host."
"I can't wait to watch you squirm around the 'are you two dating' question." I smirk.
"I'll just say 'Yeah... Regretfully. And for who knows how long'." She answers with a shrug.
"Ouch." I state.
"An eye for an eye, David. If you tease and make sarcastic remarks at me, I make them at you." She smirks.
"So if I-" I begin.
"I'm going to stop you right there." She cuts in. "We both know where you are going with that, so you can just leave it unsaid."
"Do we? Because I'm not sure we are on the same page."
"Something something, if it's an eye for an eye, if I do lewd acts to you will you do lewd acts to me?" She deadpans.
"I mean, if you're offer-" I cut off as she bonks her metal hand on my head.
"Stop being so horny." She seethes. "it doesn't help that you are sort of hot, but just stop it for like... ten minutes."
"Eh, I'm still riding the high of actually getting a girlfriend. It'll probably die out after... a couple more days or so? I might chill out by then."
"'Might' he says." She scoffs.
"Oi. I might." I pout. "I don't want to confirm it because a week from today David is fickle and probably just as annoying of a bastard as I am!"
"also, 'sort of hot'?!" I ask "What the fuck do you mean by that?!"
"You'd be hotter if your personality wasn't so bad." Gaige deadpans.
"Incorrect. My quirky attitude absolutely causes the ladies to line up!" I respond with a pout.
She slowly looks around. "Then where are they?"
"…"
"Drawing porn of me, obviously." I reply, totally not insecurely as I cross my arms and look away with a huff.
I hold up my echo device. "I mean really. I've already got ten pages. That's complete insanity. What... five hundred or so images in... a week?! Damn."
I turn it around to show her a stick figure with a massive schlong. "what the fuck is even this? How is this stick figure me?!"
She gives me a half-lidded stare. "You are sort of twig-like."
"Twig like?! I know I might not be very tall, but I could lift this entire fucking boat! Probably effortlessly!"
I lift up my shirt to show off my stomach. "I have abs! A full on six pack!"
I pull back a sleeve and flex. "I have muscles on my muscles!"
"Mnnn." She hums with a half-lidded stare; I can't tell if she is enjoying the show I am giving her or just indifferent.
She is looking downwards at my stomach with a small blush.
"Oh?" I ask as I lift my shirt again. "Are you perhaps looking for something?"
"Alright. Fine. You're hot." She sighs, her shoulders slumping as she looks away from me, a much larger blush on her face.
I put a hand to my ear. "I must have misheard what you just said... what was that?"
"I'm not saying it again you fucking prick." She pouts as she crosses her arms. "You're lucky I even said it once."
I smirk at her causing her to let out a loathing groan of annoyance.
I let out a low hum as I crouch on the deck of my sand skiff. The gates of Sanctuary are in the far distance.
I cross my arms. "Welp... we're finally back."
Forty-eight hours' worth of traveling... ugh.
Damn Lilith's power.
"Is that a boat?" I hear a voice mutter from my echo.
I can see several turrets aim down at us. "Stop where you are or we will open fire."
"If you pricks blow up my fucking boat I swear to god. Nothing will save you from my wrath." I growl into my echo.
"The vault hunters?! Shit! Private Jessup! Put me in contact with HQ! They're back!"
"Rodger!" A second man responds.
Nothing happens for a moment.
*FLASH*
There is a brilliant explosion of purple and orange as Lilith appears in front of our boat, she floats up to the deck and claps her hands in front of her face. "OH my god please forgive me! I thought I sent you into space! Oh god it was so fucking nerve wracking to think I killed our only chance at killing Jack!"
"Oh don't worry about it, Lilith." I wave off. "We needed a vacation anyways... and fighting a massive abomination against god and going on a pirate quest was admittedly a pretty good one."
She pauses. "Wait wh-"
"Oh. We also found another vault but we aren't opening it because it scares me with its sheer size... and the fact that it seems to have drained the entire pandoran ocean into it and I like not being underwater."
"You found another vault?!" She asks. "Wait! you shouldn't say this out loud! Jack has been listening to-
"Yep. Never going to open it though." I continue while completely cutting her off. "Hell, even Jack thinks it's too much trouble for what it's worth. I normally don't agree with him, but yeah, for the first time since he started annoying the fuck out of me with his attempts to lure me into his mega corporation's proverbial white van, with candy... he made a good call."
"…"
Maya waves from the back. "Hi Lilith. Please don't teleport us again."
"Pleaaaase!" Tina agrees. "My insides can't take much more of your siren FUCKING."
'lewd.'
"Ugh. Just thinking about teleportation makes my stomach hurt." Gaige sighs.
"Pussies!" Salvador cackles. "It is nothing compared to my hangovers!"
"Is that Lilith?" A masculine voice asks only to shift savagely a moment later. "THE HEART BEATS WITH RAGE FOR MY SHATTERED BRAINCASE."
"Your Phasewalk did something to Krieg by the way." I hum as I stand up. "Psycho Krieg is mad about it."
I gesture around my boat. "Welcome to my yacht. We used to have booze but Salvador and Tina drank it all."
"You really shouldn't let her drink." Lilith frowns.
"OHOHO! JUST TRY TO STOP ME!" Tina calls out.
"I've tried." I scoff with an eyeroll. "Believe me. I've tried to stop her. It's not worth the effort, really... I mean, sure, sometimes I can stop her, but she whines... a lot... and drunk Tina isn't even that bad anyways... I mean, a little handsy sometimes, sure, but hungover Tina is a ruthless killing machine. It sort of balances out in a strange sort of way."
"Can you open the fucking door already?" Axton scoffs from his spot behind the wheel.
"Right." Lilith mutters as she turns around. "Davis! You heard him!"
There is a sound of creaking metal as the door to Sanctuary shifts downwards slowly.
Lilith lets out a sigh. "A lot of things happened while you were gone... two Pandoran days is basically a century. The hodunks took your murder of Jimbo and Tector personally, and they have been harassing us for the past couple of days. Jack has been pounding our shields with loader bots and we are blowing through power cells like a psycho goes through Buzz Axes, some fucking idiot in sanctuary installed a loader bot Ai into Moxxi's boombox, and to top it all of Mordecai was attacked and his bird, Bloodwing was stolen."
"IS MORTY OKAY?!" Tina asks.
"He's fine. The bullet wounds healed up with a couple medi-vials, but he's taking the loss of Bloodwing pretty bad...
Her echo suddenly pipes up as a man quietly states something. "Uhhhhh Lilith?"
"What is it Marshal?" She sighs down at the echo device.
"There's been a murder." He continues, sounding a little regretful to be forced to bring this to Lilith's attention.
"There's been a- are you FUCKING kidding me?!" She shouts.
She sharply inhales then exhales. "Do you at least know the culprit?"
"Uhhh yeah, I've got four men here, one's the culprit." The sheriff sighs. "I don't know which one, though."
"Right." Lilith sighs. "I'll be right there..."
She looks over all of us. "Would... any of you care to join me?"
"You aren't teleporting me anywhere, Lilith." I smile.
"Ditto." Gaige nods as she walks out. "If you phase walk us again, who knows where we might show up... also the fact that I vomit every time you take us anywhere is a big 'no' from me."
"Yeah, and even if I went with you, abusing the fact that Sirens don't get sick, we take a little warp, then bam, we're fifty years in the future and Gaige is an old lady." I continue.
"Oi." Said 'old lady' growls.
"Teleporting you into the... 'Pirate Vacation'… wasn't my intention... I hadn't gotten used to my powers yet... but a week- and a couple dead bodies- later, I have got it down... at the very least I'm confident in my ability to get anyone to a place safely as long as I go with them."
"Wait... Dead Bodies?" Maya asks.
"Hyperion prisoners!" Lilith states. "Do. Not. Worry about it."
"You absolutely teleported someone into an object... didn't you..." I deadpan with a half-lidded expression.
"…"
She is utterly silent.
"…"
"Anyways, gotta go check on this murder. Bye!"
*FLASH*
It's as if she was struck by god himself as a purple and orange swirling beam crashes down on her, then she's gone... luckily leaving no lasting damage to the deck or I would have pimp smacked her the next time I saw her.
"…"
"Hey Gaige. Wanna go solve a murder?" I ask.
"Sure." She responds with a shrug.
Well hello! How are all of you this fine... midnight...
Anyways, the gang is now back at sanctuary! That means the plot can move on!
I won't keep you long, here... I'll just move onto the guest reviews:
Guest Reviews:
Guest 001: Now, I normally don't post the guest's entire reviews here, as I see that as nothing more than just simple padding, but DEAR GOD I do not think you'd be able to appreciate this simple review unless I posted the entire thing here... now. *AHEM*
Guest 001 Says "yeah i extremly dislike storys that change fundamental laws of a fictional universe, in this case borderlads has only female sirens and yet you changed that, that alone is reason enough for me to dislkie the story and after reading the first chapter i have found nothing that would keep me here despite my dislike
haaa another 5 minutes of my life wasted on reading something that should never have been written"
Now. A couple things come to mind... firstly. You are not just wrong. You are a fucking IDIOT.
Male sirens are fucking CANON to borderlands you complete DUMBASS. Second off. ITS THE ENTIRE POINT OF THE STORY TO HAVE DAVID BE SOMETHING SPECIAL! Oh, if you were able to get Isekai'd and you had the option of 'boring fire magic', 'the ability to learn Instruments quickly', or 'the ability to transform into a super saiyan despite there being no Saiyans in XX series'. Just what would you FUCKING choose?!
Now onto other reviews!
Guest 002: Nah, probably no Ocean returning any time soon. The water can't just un-fall out of the vault, now, can it?
Bitch: I'm glad you think so!
JustAFan123: Oh, he absolutely could, he's just saving it for something... special.
Like maybe Gaige wants to give him a handjob but she's sitting on his right side and he doesn't want to feel cold metal on his dick... special indeed...
Guest 003: There's a SMALL difference between playing a game and, y'know... living it. He'd probably get jumpscared, sure... but he is an all powerful being who fucks time itself! A small screen with spooky fish on it won't startle him... right?
Anyways, I'll see you next time!