I love reading all of your insights on Bella. I agree with you all - just because she's trapped in this situation, doesn't mean she's weak. I'm trying to think what I would do in Bella's situation. It's a lot to process, especially for someone like Bella, young and naiive, to wade through alone. I would like to think I would be smart about my escape, therefore time would have to be considered throughout the whole process. Also, if I had been with my boyfriend for a while, and he was suddenly angry for a reason I didn't yet understand, and I was young and lacked parental guidance from a young age, would I recognize the red flags we all obviously see? Would I stick around to see if his anger that night was fueled by a random thought and never acted on again? Or would I walk out without a single look behind me?
I know what she SHOULD do - but the realistic thing is that some people in these situations can't get out and leave as early as they should. Financially, mentally, physically - the hold an abuser can hold over his/her victim is immensely powerful. Some of you are incredibly brave for getting out when you did - and I'm wrapping you in a virtual hug right now. I hope you can feel it wherever you are!
This is as graphic as it gets, my friends.
The night of the Christmas party, with the sinful black lace, was never spoken of again.
He woke up the next morning like it was any other day, and for a moment, I wondered if I had dreamt it. Were the hands that found their way around my neck last night real? I could still feel them as he pumped inside me, the headboard clanging against the wall as he told me what he thought of seeing me in that dress. His words were angry, punctuated by angry and deep thrusts, as he told me he watched the men in the room eye fuck me right in front of him. But in the morning, he woke me up like the man I thought I knew. The man I thought he was.
He brought me coffee in bed, just the way I like it. He told me Santa had been here overnight and tickled me beneath the sheets knowing it was my weakness.
Knowing he was my weakness.
Eventually, we made it out of bed, and as he held my hand and pulled me towards the Christmas tree downstairs, my eyes couldn't help but land on the shreds of the black lace dress that transformed him into someone I didn't recognize.
Someone I would come to fear.
I shouldn't have worn it; I had said to myself as I put on a smile and followed him down the stairs.
It was the first of many times I would blame myself for his transformation from man to monster.
Thanks to my beta Fran and prereaders Dani, Ariel, and Gemma for their guidance!
See you tomorrow!