A/N: This is my first attempt at a one-shot. This is what results from a bad day :/
-H
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee :(
What was the point?
More accurately, what was the point now?
Now she had no purpose. Now she had no drive.
What was the point?
There was no point. That was pretty much the reality. There was no purpose. There was no drive.
Not without her…
Santana Lopez had been in love with Brittany Pierce since she was eight years old. Back then, she hadn't known what the strange warm sensation in her tummy had meant. But she did know that whenever Brittany smiled, or kissed her cheek, or took her hand, that feeling in her stomach made her want to burst – but in a good way.
One day, she and Brittany were sitting under their tree during recess and Brittany picked a flower from a small growth spot next to them. She handed it to Santana with a smile. Santana's tummy started jumping up and down.
"This is for you, San," she said softly.
"Thanks, Britt. But I don't have anything for you."
"I don't need anything," Brittany replied quietly, looking down. "You're my best friend and as long as I have you I'll always be ok."
Impulsively, Santana leaned forward and kissed Brittany's cheek. "You're my best friend too, Britt. We're gonna be best friends forever."
"Forever," Brittany agreed with a big smile.
When they were twelve, Brittany kissed Mike Chang and Santana didn't speak to her for three days. She didn't know why she was so mad and so sad at her best friend.
It was a Saturday and Santana was curled up in bed. It had been raining all day and she'd just been staring at the raindrops trickling down her window. She didn't want to cry, but that bursting feeling in her tummy had moved into her chest and sometimes it ached so much that she couldn't help herself. She squeezed her eyes and felt tears run down her cheeks and onto her pillow.
There was a soft knock on her door and Santana thought it was her mom again so she ignored it. She heard the door open and close quietly. She thought her mom had simply poked her head in to check on her, but when she felt the familiar dip of the mattress, she knew exactly who it was.
"San?"
She didn't answer. The ache in her chest just swelled up again, her vision blurring with tears. She felt an arm anchor itself around her and tighten.
"I'm sorry," came the whisper. "I didn't know that you'd be so upset."
Santana still didn't say anything and neither did Brittany. She just lay behind her, holding onto her tightly. She must have fallen asleep at some point, and when she woke, she found that she had turned and was now facing her best friend, who was also asleep. Brittany's arm was still gripping Santana's waist tightly, afraid to let go. She lay awake for a long time, just watching her sleep.
That ache in her chest was still there, but it was lessening as the bursting feeling in her tummy started up again. Her heart started to best slightly faster as she softly shuffled closer.
She wondered what it had been like for Mike Chang to kiss Brittany. She found herself studying her best friend's lips as she slumbered peacefully. They were soft and pale and her bottom lip jutted out slightly in a pout.
Santana's heart was pounding really quickly now and she tried to breathe quietly through her nose, but she felt all sweaty and shaky. She didn't understand what was happening to her body, but all she did know was that she really wanted to kiss Brittany.
So she did.
It was barely a brush of lips, but the tingling sensation it gave Santana made her gasp slightly. Her ache was completely gone and her tummy felt like it wanted to burst again.
She wanted to do it again.
So she did.
She kept her lips on Brittany's for a little bit longer this time and it made her feel like she was floating. The arm around her tightened even more and then Brittany was pressing her lips against hers as well. Santana immediately broke away and looked down, embarrassed that she'd been caught.
"That was nice," Brittany whispered.
Santana looked up at her and saw the smile that she loved. A small smile etched itself onto her face and Brittany leaned forward this time.
Santana found that she could forgive Mike Chang for kissing her best friend because she thought that it was the most amazing feeling in the world.
Puck kissed Santana on her thirteenth birthday and she didn't know what to do. Brittany hadn't seen it happen, but Santana immediately wanted to find her best friend and hug her.
When she told her, Brittany held her close and told her that it was ok. Santana whispered that she didn't want to kiss anyone but her. Brittany whispered back that she didn't either.
Santana changed in high school. She knew that she did. But she was always the same person to Brittany because she loved Brittany.
She pretended to date Puck and Brittany pretended to date a whole bunch of guys. They refused to go any further than kissing with boys, though.
Every night, they would curl up together, be it at Santana's house or Brittany's house and whisper how much they loved each other and would be together forever.
One night, Santana told Brittany about Puck putting his hands up her Cheerios skirt and Brittany whispered that she wanted to do that.
So she did.
And Santana put her hands up Brittany's skirt.
They smiled and moved together and told each other how much they loved each other. Afterwards, they pressed tightly to one another, promising never to leave each other.
Santana cried when she slept with Finn. Brittany also cried because she was the one who told her to do it. They spent the rest of that weekend holding each other and making love because they really didn't want anyone else.
Brittany broke Santana's heart a week before her seventeenth birthday.
"San, I need to tell you something."
"What's up, Britt?"
"I'm moving."
Santana didn't say anything. She rolled away from Brittany and faced the window. It was raining again. She was feeling that ache in her chest, but now she knew why. She was in love with her best friend and she was leaving.
"I don't want to go." Brittany's voice was sad.
Santana still didn't say anything.
"San, please say something."
"I love you." She whispered it, before squeezing her eyes closed and crying.
What was the point?
More accurately, what was the point now?
Now she had no purpose. Now she had no drive.
What was the point?
There was no point. That was pretty much the reality. There was no purpose. There was no drive.
Not without her…
Santana went through senior year in the background. She was still a Cheerio and still in Glee, but she had no passion. Her passion had left with her beautiful blonde best friend.
Brittany moved to Pennsylvania because her mom got a job there. They texted and email and Skyped, but every night, Santana would go to bed and cry.
Brittany tried to visit, but her parents wouldn't allow it. They said that her relationship with Santana was far too co-dependent and intense and she needed to find other friends.
When she told Santana, she didn't know what to think. Brittany was her everything. She didn't want to share her. She didn't care if their love scared people. She just wanted Brittany.
Suddenly, her best friend stopped texting. She stopped emailing and she stopped Skyping. Santana was broken. No matter what she did, she got no response.
What was the point?
More accurately, what was the point now?
Now she had no purpose. Now she had no drive.
What was the point?
There was no point. That was pretty much the reality. There was no purpose. There was no drive.
Not without her…
Days became weeks. Weeks became months. Soon, it was April and Santana briefly thought that if she worked hard enough that she could get into NYU or Columbia and see if she couldn't find her best friend.
But Miss Pillsbury told her that she wouldn't have enough credits, even with Cheerios and Glee because her schoolwork had dropped considerably since Brittany had left.
Coach Sue was having a baby and the hormones had somehow reminded her that she had a semblance of a heart. Santana didn't really care about what she said. Something about a scholarship.
She had no purpose anymore. She had no one to laugh with. She had no one to kiss. She had no one to talk to.
The gleeks gave her solos, but Santana didn't care.
Her parents suggested a college road trip, but Santana didn't care.
Quinn offered her co-captaincy, but Santana didn't care.
Puck propositioned to go down on her, but Santana didn't care.
What was the point?
Nationals were in New York again and Santana just took everything in. Maybe she should just come here anyway? Anything would be better than Lima, right? Away from all the memories. Away from everything that reminded her of what she didn't have anymore.
The gleeks had convinced her to do a solo at Nationals, and she did, bringing the house down.
They didn't win, but Santana didn't care.
Two weeks before graduation, Santana told her parents that she wanted to go to New York. They asked why and she just shrugged.
It was the most initiative she'd shown in a year so they jumped at the opportunity and started preparations.
Mr. Schue called her into his office in the last week of school. Miss Pillsbury was there too. Someone had seen her solo at Nationals and wanted her to feature on his album. He wanted her in New York the next week.
Ok, Santana thought. Maybe she could do this.
New York was easy for Santana to drown in. She could remain invisible. People didn't stop her every five seconds and ask her if she was ok, or if she'd heard from Brittany.
It was refreshing.
She recorded with Tony Bennett, which was actually really cool. She was polite, but the song just reminded her of Brittany.
She missed her. Terribly. She still cried every night in her tiny apartment.
Tony Bennett offered to let her record her own song in his studio. She declined.
Their collaboration hit the airwaves and suddenly she was being called by agents offering their services and record companies begging her to record with them.
She talked to her mom and she encouraged Santana to try writing her own music.
So she did.
She talked to Tony Bennett and he helped her, guiding her in the right directions, suggesting styles and tempos that would work best for her.
Three months later, she was in post-production, running through the ten songs she'd written and recorded for her debut album. Her agent, Michelle, had created a huge buzz around it and her.
The record company was still waiting for an album name from Santana, but she couldn't come up with anything. All she could think about was Brittany. Every lyric, every note was created with her in mind.
Purpose.
It came to her when she was lying in a hotel in LA. She sent a text to her producer and turned onto her side, looking at the rain dripping down the windows. She closed her eyes and cried.
The launch party was massive and Santana just went through the motions. She fake-smiled her way through countless photographs and introductions. When the first single was released, the response was overwhelming. She wasn't sure of what to make of it all.
Rolling Stone called her the next Amy Winehouse, but Santana didn't care.
Her recording studio signed her on for two more albums, but Santana didn't care.
Tony Bennett threw her a congratulatory party, but Santana didn't care.
Her twentieth birthday was approaching and her producer wanted to throw a huge bash. Santana shrugged and went back to writing songs for the new album.
She'd never seen so many celebrities in one place before. And they were there to wish her a happy birthday. Santana let herself smile a little.
But she missed Brittany. She hadn't heard from her in over two years, but she didn't love her any less. She probably loved her more.
She was out on the balcony and looking out over the city, remembering the wish that she'd been yelled at to make before blowing out the candles on her huge birthday cake.
She wished for the same thing every year.
"Santana."
She smiled to herself, closing her eyes. Her mind loved to torture her like this, whispering to her in Brittany's sweet voice, just to remind her of what she'd had once upon a time.
She felt a pair of cool hands on her neck, running across the open back of her dress.
Clearly her imagination was on some hallucinogenic. But it felt so nice, remembering what Brittany's hands felt on her bare skin. She kept her eyes closed as she turned around, wanting to remain in her dream world for a little longer.
She felt lips press against hers softly. She sighed. Her memories were good – they remembered exactly how Brittany felt when she kissed her.
"San, open your eyes."
She blinked and her eyes adjusted to a clear, crystal blue that she was certain she'd never see again.
"Is this real?"
Brittany smiled and nodded, leaning forward to brush her lips against her cheek. Santana reached out and gripped her best friend, sure that this was some cruel joke and that she'd disappear in a few moments.
"I found you," Brittany whispered, cradling her face in her safe hands. "I'm sorry that it took me so long."
She didn't care. She didn't care.
Santana stood on her tiptoes to kiss Brittany again, just to make especially sure.
"I love you."
She pulled her best friend tightly to her as they alternated between hugs and kisses. The pressure that had been sitting in her chest for the last three years settled back into her tummy and started jumping around.
"I love you, Britt."
This was the point – Brittany was everything. She was her reason to breathe, to get up every morning, to eat breakfast, to write songs, to perform, to sing to her in the shower as they made love under the warm spray, to stay up an extra ten minutes every night to just watch her sleep.
Brittany was her purpose.
A/N: Let me know what you guys think? Very different to what I've done before, I know.
Should I write this from Brittany's POV as well?
-H