15 minutes later Freddie lay sweaty and breathing hard on the bed, feeling much more relaxed. He kissed her several times before finally dragging himself up out of bed and she could tell it was difficult for him to do so.
"I'll be right back," he said as he headed for the door that connected their two rooms. "Put on your pajamas – or something – and we can talk about the competition."
Freddie groaned, but didn't get up right away. She felt like she could fall asleep if she just closed her eyes. She was tired, mentally and physically, and now that she was relaxed it would be so easy to just drift off...
"Ugh," she groaned, forcing herself into a sitting position on the bed. She ran her hand over her face, trying to wake herself up a bit, then looked around for her bag. It was on the desk so she had to drag herself up and across the room to get it. Her legs felt like jello as she returned to the bed with her bag. She found her green silk pajamas and pulled them on. She was putting the bottoms on when Snape reappeared in the doorway, dressed in green plaid pajama pants and a black shirt. He lounged against the doorjamb a moment, just watching her, with a smile on his face. It wasn't a smirk or a sneer, just a smile that made his eyes look warm and brown again. The expression on his face, combined with his pajamas, made him look soft and she wanted nothing more than to hug him.
"...The competition starts at 9 tomorrow morning," he said finally, moving from the doorway to the desk. He turned the chair around to face her and sat down, much to her disappointment. She wanted so bad for him to hold her, but she knew they couldn't – or at least shouldn't, just like they shouldn't have done what they just did. What if someone had heard them?
"You were quiet," he said aloud, dismissing her concerns when she hadn't realized he was in her head to hear them. "Do not worry. As for everything else...just be patient."
"I can be patient," she said with a nod. "I need to focus. I have a competition to win."
"Yes, you do," he said approvingly. "As I said, it starts at 9 in the morning. Breakfast is at 8 in the dining room, then we are to meet Monsieur Benoit and the other French Ministry officials down by the lake at 9."
"Okay – oh! Ada and I saw Karkaroff and Andrei lurking around by the lake. I believe they were trying to find their way into the Enchanted Garden, wherever it is. Ada and I hid so that we could spy on them. I cast a Disillusionment Charm on both of us and we weren't spotted."
"And what did you learn from your covert surveillance?"
"They couldn't find the garden. Karkaroff thinks it's in the middle of the lake or something, but there's some kind of spell that prevented him from getting to it. He said something about the mist on the lake. Andrei feels threatened, he doesn't think he can win – which, he can't. He's an idiot. Les chevilles qui enflent, as Ada would say."
"What does that mean?" Snape asked, his brow slightly furrowed as he tried to figure it out. "Something about feet?"
"She said it's a french idiom for conceited people, it means 'to have swollen ankles'."
"Ah. I do not know french idioms," he said. "Did you learn anything else from Karkaroff and his student?"
"Andrei feels threatened by Ada, but Karkaroff thinks she's just a child and doesn't have a chance. But Severus she does. And Andrei should be threatened by her. If anyone surpasses me in this, it's going to be Ada," she said seriously. "She has a photographic memory, she can remember everything she's ever read. Like literally everything. She's brilliant. And from meeting everyone tonight I feel certain she is my only real competition."
"And she is your friend," he stated.
"Yeah... I had already decided I liked her before I realized she was a threat," Freddie said with a weak smile. "She seems so...small and scared and helpless. And, well, she kind of is but she's brilliant, too."
"From what Lady Karen let slip, Miss Leroux does not have a true passion for potions."
"That's true, Ada told me that. She said she likes it well enough and she's good, but she's not in love with the craft like I am, like Akinyi is. It's not her passion, you're absolutely right. I don't think she really even wants to be here. She said it was Lady Karen's idea and she 'didn't feel like she should say no'," Freddie said hotly. "Karen never should have made her do this, it's obvious Ada is uncomfortable and nervous. I really don't think I like that woman. I'm glad we figured out the antidote to her potion before she did."
Snape smirked slightly but he also looked contemplative.
"I think that may be your advantage over Miss Leroux in this competition," he said.
"What, that she's nervous? Hell I'm nervous, too."
"No," he said dismissively. "This is not her passion. It is yours. She doesn't want to be here, you've been dreaming of it for months. You have remarkable skill, talent, and intuition that will help you in the Garden. Potions is more than just remembering a recipe from a book, I shouldn't have to tell you this."
"That's true," Freddie said slowly. "But Ada can't be without talent. She's only 12 and she's brewed a lot of the same potions I have. She's even done Amortentia – she said it's her favorite."
"Of course it is, she's a girl."
"Hey!" she said defensively. "That's just sexist. There's nothing wrong with having Amortentia as a favorite potion. It's complicated and fun to brew, and it smells amazing."
"It's your favorite too?" he asked, smirking slightly.
"Kind of, yeah. Don't act like you didn't enjoy standing around the cauldron with me when I brewed it, breathing in the steam."
"Fair enough," he said, raising his hands in surrender. "...I believe you will do just fine tomorrow. I am confident in your abilities. I have taught you well."
"You have," she said with a smile, but she was still thinking of Ada. Surely Lady Karen was just as confident in Ada as Snape was in her, just as sure of her skill. Freddie wondered if it were possible to make up for the lack of passion with skill and brains like Ada had. She thought it might be, and that there was still a good chance she might not be victorious tomorrow. She might lose to Ada. "...She's a really sweet kid."
"She reminds me of Lily at that age," Snape said softly, then stopped short. He hesitated and looked at Freddie. "Not the attitude, Lily was much more confident, but...she looks a lot like her."
"Yeah?" she said quietly, not sure what the right thing to do or say was.
"Yes. Enough that it was just a little unnerving when she walked through the door into the dining hall," he murmured and looked away. Freddie didn't need Legilimency to know that he was uncomfortable and also sad, though his face betrayed little emotion. He looked to the door to his room, like he was thinking about leaving. She stood up from the bed and quickly crossed the room. She put her hand on his shoulder, wanting to touch him, to comfort him some way, but she didn't know what would be appropriate. When he didn't flinch away from her touch she put her arm around his shoulders in a hug. A moment passed then he slipped one hand around her waist and pulled her closer. They stayed like that until Freddie's watch beeped the hour and she checked the time.
"It's midnight," she murmured. "And we have to be up early. We should get some sleep."
"Mm," he said with a nod. He squeezed her tightly a moment before letting her go and getting up from the chair. "You have to stay in your own bed tonight, you can't come crawling into mine."
"I know," she said defensively. "I won't come crawling in bed with you. I'm an adult, I can be patient until tomorrow evening."
"Good girl. If we get up at 6 we will have time for tea and flashcards."
"Sounds good," she agreed. She thought it would be good to run through the flashcards at least once in the morning before the challenge, just to refresh her brain.
"Goodnight, Miss Gray," he said quietly. He reached up to cup her face gently and she pressed her cheek into his palm, closing her eyes. "Dors bien."
"Dors bien," she repeated, opening her eyes as he dropped his hand and turned to leave. "What does that mean?"
"Sleep well," he told her with a small smile. Then he left her room, shutting the door behind him. Freddie sighed softly and sat down on the edge of her bed again. Ziggy jumped back up beside her, purring loudly. She spent a few minutes petting him, thinking about the competition tomorrow and about Ada and Karkaroff and Snape and Lady Karen. Her mind was racing and she knew that she needed to stop thinking about it all and sleep.
"Come on, Ziggy baby, let's try and get some sleep," she said, standing up so she could pull the quilt back. She slid underneath the blanket and lay her head down on the pillow. Ziggy curled up beside her chest and he was soon sleeping soundly...but Freddie wasn't.
She tossed and turned restlessly, trying to get comfortable, but even when she got comfortable she couldn't stop her thoughts. Even her Occlumency couldn't block out her worries about tomorrow. She wondered if her mental struggle with Snape had weakened her mental shield so it wasn't working right...or if she was just too worried to clear her mind properly.
The words Karkaroff had said by the lake kept replaying in her mind. "Severus' girl, though, she could be a problem." "I will try to take care of it." What was he planning? Could he be out there right now trying to figure out the best way to get Freddie out of the competition? Would he try to poison her? She felt certain she could avoid that, as long as she watched her food at the breakfast table. What if he tried to catch her somewhere alone and curse her? Ever since the incident with Geck last year in the Prefects bathroom Freddie considered herself to be a vigilant person, always aware of her surroundings...but Karkaroff was a grown man, a Dark Wizard, and ruthless. What if he had some skill she didn't know of that he could use to surprise her?
She heard the creaking of wood and she sat straight up in bed. It almost sounded like a footstep in the hallway outside of her door. That's ridiculous, she admonished, laying back down next to Ziggy. It's probably just the wind shifting the building. It's an old inn after all. Besides, Severus put wards on the door. Surely they'd keep someone like Karkaroff out, I'm sure he thought of that.
When she finally reassured herself that Karkaroff wasn't trying to come kill her in her sleep, she started worrying about other things. She thought about Ada and what would happen if the girl won the championship instead of her. Would she be able to be happy for her friend? She thought that she would, that she could be proud of Ada, but the loss would still sting. And what would Snape think if she lost? He was so confident in her, in her abilities, he seemed so sure that Freddie would win...but what if she didn't? Would he be angry? Disappointed? What if he decided that all the time spent teaching her had been a waste? What if he fired her as his apprentice for the rest of the year? What if he didn't want anything to do with her if she lost? What if this ruined her job at St Mungo's, what if Hawkins didn't think she was worth hiring if she didn't win? What if, what if, what if... The questions chased round and round in her mind for hours until she started to feel a little hysterical. She had a small vial of Calming Draught in with her Potions kit, but she wasn't sure she could take it before the competition. They were supposed to test for substances like Felix Felicis and Brain Boosting Elixir, what if the compounds in the Calming Draught confused the test? What if she got kicked out for that before she ever had a chance to try and prove herself in the Garden?
She heard another creaking floorboard type sound, but she ignored it. She was too busy worrying about what would happen if she took a Calming Draught. Or what would happen if she couldn't sleep at all and she went into the challenge with her mind all foggy and sleep-deprived and she messed something up? The door between her room and Snape's opened suddenly and she raised her head to see him come into her room. He looked as if he hadn't been to sleep either.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"Can't sleep," he muttered. "I can hear your thoughts from the next room as if you were screaming them in my ear."
"I'm so sorry! I was trying to use my Occlumency but I think you messed it up earlier. My brain is exhausted but not exhausted enough to sleep I guess. I'm sorry... you can't block them out yourself?"
"Only for a few minutes, then as soon as I start to drift off it slips away and I can hear you again," he said, shaking his head. "You're going to make yourself crazy. Scoot over."
Surprised, Freddie gently moved Ziggy over to the other edge of the bed and made room for Snape. He lay down beside her, putting his arm around her middle and pulling her close.
"I thought you said we shouldn't?" she asked cautiously.
"It's only three hours until we have to be up and neither of us is going to get any sleep at all otherwise. You need to calm your mind."
"What do you think I've been trying to do all this time?" she demanded.
"Shh," he said soothingly. "It's going to be fine. You are going to be fine. You will do your best, I know that, and whatever happens will happen. Que sera, sera." He yawned loudly. "That's french."
"I figured. What's it mean?"
"Whatever will be, will be," he answered. "You have the opportunity to compete in the most prestigious Potions competition in the world, that is impressive in and of itself. And I will be-" he broke off in a yawn again. "I will be proud of you no matter what happens. Now please, Winifred, please...go to sleep."
"Okay," she murmured, feeling herself finally start to relax in his embrace. He would be proud of her. He wouldn't hate her if it turned out Ada was a more skilled Potioneer than she was. And she could be proud of Ada, too, if that's the way it went. So long as it wasn't Andrei or Dimitri.
"Ah, Winifred," Snape said, nuzzling the back of her neck. "I do not think I could ever hate you."
"That's good," she said drowsily. "I couldn't hate you either. Not even if-" It was her turn to yawn. "If you...did something... horrible that I can't even think of."
"Shhh," he said again, sort of petting her stomach in a reflexive soothing gesture. "Shhh. Sleep."
"Mkay," she said. "Love you."
And if he said anything after that she didn't hear it as she finally drifted off to sleep.