Notes: Cross posted to Tumblr and ao3.
This is all thewafflewhat's fault. The idea for this fic and the title are from "Maybe I Need You" by Andrea Gibson. Set after the end of season 2.
love, isn't always magic. sometimes it's just ... melting. — Andrea Gibson, "Maybe I Need You"
Santana's learning to love summer again.
As the end of school neared, Santana had watched summer grow closer with a heavy, dark dread festering deep in her stomach, because she her fear started to grow at the thought that she wouldn't see Brittany at all. The last couple months before nationals she had really only seen Brittany at school because it was too painful to hang out with just her, too painful to sit on Brittany's bed and watch movies and pretend that if it weren't for Santana's own choking fear they would be cuddling and kissing like they used to.
But Santana's been trying really hard lately to push her fear away, and she's been finding it easier and easier as May fades into June fades into July, because Brittany's always there, with a soft smile and a pinky to curl around Santana's, and, later when they're alone, kisses that wake up Santana's whole body. The harder Santana works the easier it becomes to push her fear aside, and she's trying, she's trying so hard to be who Brittany needs her to be, and every time Brittany takes her hand under the comfort of the duvet or across the centre console of Brittany's car or, that one time, under a blanket on their flight back from New York, Santana realizes that she's already who Brittany needs her to be.
They spend practically all of June and July together, babysitting Brittany's little sister and spending their nights at the other's house, curled together on their beds. They meet up at the Lima Bean and the movie theatre and the mall, or Brittany picks Santana up and holds all the doors open for her and they fight over who gets to pay and get lost in the other's eyes more often than not; Santana would call them dates if it were anyone else, but Santana finds that she is the most unsure and timid and nervous person when it comes to Brittany because unlike anything she ever did with any boys over the last couple years, everything with Brittany is real and she needs to be sure. Everything with Brittany is bright and important and, Santana admits to herself in the dark of the night when Brittany's curled against her and she feels nothing but happy and content, she's pretty sure it's her future too.
Santana kind of loves the non-date-dates they go on, and pride and satisfaction fills her whenever she manages to pay for Brittany's iced coffee and pastry before Brittany can get her wallet out, because Brittany's blue eyes sparkle so bright that Santana thinks she might drown in them, and when they get back to one of their houses Brittany always kisses her so soft and deep that Santana's chest starts to ache.
It's one of those days, after Santana bought Brittany a coffee and a cookie, that Santana finds herself being pushed back onto Brittany's bed. The rest of the Pierce's are taking the munchkin and a couple of her friends to a travelling carnival a couple towns over, and Santana and Brittany have the entire house to themselves for three days, something they plan on taking full advantage of. Brittany's fingers tease under the hem of Santana's shirt and Santana's breath catches in her throat at the way Brittany's eyes both brighten and darken. Brittany's nose brushes against Santana's as she draws their lips closer together, and Santana's stomach twists in anticipation.
"Wait," Brittany says suddenly, and her breath fans across Santana's face as she draws back a couple inches. She smells of chocolate and coffee, and she looks so adorably excited that Santana can't even find it in herself to be impatient by the delay in kisses.
"What?" Santana whispers when Brittany just keeps smiling down at her, their foreheads pressed together and the rest of the room blocked out by the curtain of blonde hair surrounding them.
"I wanna try something," Brittany finally explains, and before Santana can blink Brittany's off the bed and across the room. Santana smiles at Brittany's retreating back, admiring the how the June-sun freckles on Brittany's shoulders catch in the liquid golden light of the afternoon. As Santana's learning to love summer again, Brittany's constant wardrobe of tank tops and jean shorts definitely speeds up the process. Santana's eyes trail adoringly over the curve of Brittany's back, across her perfectly fitted jean shorts and down the long expanse of her strong legs. Santana stretches on the bed as Brittany disappears into the closet, closing her eyes and listening to Brittany rummage through what sounds like some boxes, trying and failing to stop her thoughts from wandering to how domestic this day has felt so far.
Santana senses Brittany's presence beside the bed and quickly blinks her eyes open. Brittany stands over her with a smile like she took a bite of something sweet, a stethoscope held between her hands.
"Are you ever going to tell me where you actually got those?" Santana asks fondly as Brittany settles on the bed beside Santana, her warm thigh pressed all along the length of Santana's, her knee brushing Santana's hip. Every time she sees them and teasingly asks, Brittany always tells her something different with those blue eyes gleaming with mischief, from Lord Tubbington bringing them home after a hunting trip to Brittany finding them in one of McKinley's garbage cans.
"You really want to know?" Santana nods and Brittany's smirk softens. "When I was really little, like even before I met you, I really wanted to be a doctor," she explains quietly. "And my dad went out and both me a stethoscope, not one of those toy ones but a real one." She laughs a little bit as her eyes grow distant with the memory. "My mom was so mad that he spent so much money on it. But I loved it so much, I was always so careful with it because I didn't want to break it and get my dad in trouble."
Santana melts back into the bed and smiles up at Brittany. She can picture it perfectly, and the image of an even tinier Brittany than the one she met in kindergarten, with bright blue eyes and blonde pigtails and a too large stethoscope in her ears, the chest-piece pressed to Pierce's chest, both of them glowing with pride. "You'd make an amazing doctor," Santana murmurs.
Brittany ducks her head a little and red blooms darker across her sun-kissed cheeks, obscuring the freckles Santana loves to trace constellations into. "I dunno," she mumbles. "I put the stethoscope away when I realized that I wasn't smart enough to be a doctor. I mean, my grades are awful. I'd never get into medical school."
"Brittany," Santana breathes, her chest aching, "you're compassionate and determined and stubborn and brave, and those things matter way more than some dumb tests or teachers claiming you're not smart enough. You can do anything you want to."
"Really?" Brittany mumbles.
Santana reaches up to cup Brittany's jaw. "Of course," she promises. "And besides that, you are smart, Britt, you're the smartest person I know. You always know what's going on with me way before I do. And you're the most emotionally mature person I know too. You're a genius."
Brittany sighs and looks at Santana from below her lashes and Santana's breath catches. "I really want to kiss you right now," she admits breathlessly.
Santana swallows thickly and runs her thumbs over Brittany's cheeks. "Me too," she whispers. For a split second Santana thinks that Brittany is leaning down to kiss her, but then she pulls back just as suddenly and reaches up to gently grasp one of Santana's wrists, pulling her hand from her cheek and smiling softly down at her. She moves around until she's hovering over Santana, fiddling with the stethoscope. She's halfway to putting the earpieces into Santana's ears when Santana blinks out of her daze and shifts her hands, pressing back against Brittany's bare shoulders to halt her movements. "Whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing?"
Brittany just grins adoringly at her. "Putting the stethoscope in your ears," she explains in her duh tone.
Santana rolls her eyes. "Obviously," she says, and Brittany's grin wides until Santana can't help but smile in return. "I meant why?"
Brittany's smile softens and her eyes turn warm. She looks bashful and bright, and Santana's chest clenches tight; she looks so in love that it almost hurts to look directly at her, but Santana does, because, as she's learned over the past long and heartbreaking year, any pain is worth it if Brittany's waiting for her at the end. "I want to— I want to show you how fast my heart goes when you kiss me."
Santana's breath catches and she bites down on her lip so she doesn't surge up to kiss Brittany, trying and failing to control the floaty, bubbly feeling that's blooming in her chest. She doesn't quite trust herself to speak so she just nods breathlessly.
Brittany's smile remains soft and warm and she gives Santana a quick peck at the corner of her mouth, pulling back and smiling wider when Santana tries to chase her lips. She gently pushes Santana back against the bed and carefully strokes dark hair back from Santana's ears, inserting the earpieces into Santana's ears with all the care in the world and something in Santana's chest flutters brightly. The quiet of Brittany's room turns even more muffled against the earpieces, and all Santana can hear is the slight rustle of Brittany's fingers against the chest-piece and her own breathing, heavy and overloud through the earpieces.
Brittany slips the chest-piece under her shirt, hissing as the cool metal presses against her skin. Santana giggles at the look on Brittany's face, and Brittany sticks her tongue out and Santana melts, her giggles falling into a soft smile as she stares up at Brittany with adoration.
"Okay," Brittany says, her voice muffled through the earpieces, "Now, listen."
Santana breathes slowly and focuses on the steady thrum in her ears. It calms her down, it's always calmed her down; Santana's never felt as safe as she does when her head is on Brittany's chest and Brittany's heartbeat is against her her cheek, a familiar sanctuary. Brittany hovers above her, propped up by one hand near Santana's shoulder, the other awkwardly shoved down the top of her tank top to hold the chest-piece against her skin.
Santana focuses on the steady thrum in her ears and ignores the slight flush spreading in her cheeks. She feels a little silly, the stethoscope in her ears and the other end down Brittany's shirt, but her own heart starts racing as Brittany's face nears hers and then it's just—
Then it's just Brittany's lips on hers and Brittany's heartbeat in her ears.
It's like a heavy pound that thrums throughout Santana's body, and she can hear how quick and steady it pounds, like hummingbird wings. It's beautiful, how Santana's entire world narrows down to the quick thrum of Brittany's heart; how her entire world narrows down to BrittanyBrittanyBrittany; how just as their lips first brush there's a quick one-two beat before it starts to really race, how much faster it sounds than her normal, steady heartbeat, how it quickens even more when Santana's fingers brush Brittany's jaw to draw her even closer, how it flutters like the pages of a book on a windy day, how safe and familiar it sounds, how it feels just like coming home.
Santana sighs into Brittany's mouth and Brittany's eyelashes flutter against Santana's cheeks and her heartbeat flutters in Santana's ears and Santana feels herself fall in love with Brittany all over again, and all Santana knows is Brittany's lips on hers and Brittany's heartbeat in her ears and BrittanyBrittanyBrittany—